The Wild Wild West (1965–1969): Season 3, Episode 5 - The Night of Jack O'Diamonds - full transcript

Hey, this assignment's

gonna be a lot more fun

than I thought.

Artie, she wasn't
smiling at you.

Says who, she wasn't?

She was smiling at
Jack O'Diamonds.

What's he got that I haven't?

A better pedigree.

Hola, señores.

It is a pleasure to see you.

I am captain Raul
Fortuna, fifth regiment.



I'm James West, captain.

Artemus Gordon here.

I am to escort
you to the capital.

Well, if it's all the
same to you, captain,

I'd just as leave if
we were escorted

to the hotel right now, huh?

It is just up the street.

When do we leave for
Mexico City, captain?

At first light
tomorrow, señores,

after you have rested.

El Presidente Juárez is
looking forward to this gift

from your President Grant.

He plans to ride him at
the Cinco de Mayo parade.

What a horse.



How long will the trip take?

Three weeks.

We must move
with extreme caution.

We have many enemies who might

try to steal this animal

to embarrass relations
between our two countries.

If this horse

did not reach Mexico City,

it would be most
unfortunate, eh?

My men will guard that horse

with their lives, señores.

I'm sure you will enjoy
the hospitality of the hotel.

Now, I must send a wire

to my superiors in Mexico City.

They will be pleased to
hear of your safe arrival.

Till we see you, eh?

You know, that's a nice fellow,

that Captain Fortuna.

That's Mexico's
future right there.

Young, live, vital.

What's the matter
with you, Artie?

Oh, nothing a 2-week assignment

in New Orleans wouldn't cure.

Excuse me.

Pigs are everywhere.

Bandits, assassins,

traitors who want to
destroy the republic.

One has to be careful

just to stay alive these days.

Enough of that.

Welcome to Mexico,

Señor West,

Señor Gordon.

Who are you?

I am Captain Raul Fortuna,

fifth regiment.

I was sent here to
escort you to Mexico City.

Now, where have you
quartered the horse?

Juárez's men don't
have the horse,

the United States Secret
Service does not have it,

and we do not have it.

Our orders from the imperial
high command were explicit.

That horse must not
reach Mexico City.

The idea is to embarrass
the regime of Juárez.

Now, it looks like a lot of us
are going to be embarrassed.

More embarrassing
to be buried in an anthill

up to your chin, huh?

I do not like ants.

Then we'd better
find that horse.

Do not make a sound, señor.

You want to find
the stallion, true?

True.

I can lead you
to him, for a price.

How much?

$100. American.

You got a deal.

Bueno.

After sunrise,

you will bring the money to me.

I will give you a map.

How do I know your
map's any good?

That is a chance
you must take, eh?

Where do we meet?

To the southeast.

A high pinnacle of rocks

called Castille la Vieja.

Come alone.

Do not follow me, señor.

Do not follow me,

or the horse will die.

Leave me now, por favor, señor.

Who did this to you?

Scum.

I am a bandit, señor,

but at least I am Mexican.

These a-are traitors.

Who has the horse?

Sordo.

Who?

In my boot...

The right one...

I have a map.

It will lead you to him.

Did-did you bring
the money, señor?

Let me see it, please.

Oh.

Oh, never in my life

have I seen so...

I am dying a rich man.

It makes me...

Leave me now, please, señor.

Por favor.

You are in danger,
señor. Go, go.

I will find my...

After him! No!

But he'll escape.

Not quite, my dear Antonio.

He will lead us to the horse.

Ah, and when he finds it?

We will kill them both.

I never could understand
torturing a man.

Do you recognize him?

Yeah, he's a bandit,

Enrique Garcia,

a lieutenant for a still
even bigger bandit,

a man named Sordo.

Bandits don't wear
spurs like those.

Do they? Where
did you find this?

Off one of them.

Apparently, Jim ran into

a little competition over
the map Enrique gave him.

That, I know you'll recognize.

It's the kind worn by
the French lancers.

Imperialistas.

That's right.

Jim must have rode up on them

while they were torturing him.

So who has the map, señor?

That's not important.

Sordo has to have the horse.

This, uh...

Sordo character,

where would I be
likely to find him?

Look around you.

Five hundred square
miles of desert to hide in.

Somebody must know.

The villagers may,

but they don't betray
men like Sordo.

See, to them these
bandits are like heroes.

Oh, they are, are they?

Uh?

Hey!

Ah...

My grandson loves
music, eh, Juan?

Fill him up.

Bueno.

Bueno, Nina.

Good day.

Buenas dias, señor.

I was, um...

I was riding by, and
I heard the music.

Well, actually I...

I smelled the beans,

and I was hungry. May I?

Oh, help yourself, señor.

We have plenty.

We are not people
that would deny

a hungry man.

Gracias, señor.

Happy days.

Mmm. My compliments
to your cook.

This food is excellent.

Complementar tu comida.

Your family?

Si.

My brothers, my cousins,

my uncles, my aunts.

I have many relatives

to feed, as you see.

It doesn't look like
you've been, uh,

feeding that one
very much recently.

That one is different.

He's not one of us.

He's a different breed,

like a bad snake.

During the revolution,

we lose many good friends.

Good fighters in the cause

of the little Indian Juárez.

We kill many like him.

But not enough.

You see, they would take

all Mexico for themselves.

Dogs.

What are you gonna do with him?

After a while,

we will think of something.

But what is a gringo like you

doing in these mountains?

I'm looking for something.

Gold?

No.

Cigar?

They're from Havana.

You are very generous, señor.

You say you are
not looking for gold?

No,

but I'm looking for
something as rare.

A horse.

There are different
horses, señor.

All kinds.

We have many horses
in our own corral.

What kind of a horse

is as rare as gold?

This one's called an Arabian.

Oh.

What does it look like?

Like the one in your corral.

It was Enrique.

He told this gringo
where to find us.

Kill him now.

Where is Enrique now?

He's dead.

What will you do
with this horse,

this rare horse that
looks like my horse,

if you find him?

Return him to
his rightful owner.

It's as simple as that.

You are a fool, gringo.

I have no choice
but to kill you.

I didn't come here empty-handed.

Oh, you have money.

After we kill you,

we take the money.

What's this?

It's a bomb.

A bomb?

The horses!

The horses!

Get the horses!

Get the horses!

Get the horses!

Get the horses back!

Si, compadre.

I am going to follow

that gringo into hell

if I have to.

What I cannot believe

is that you let señor
West go out alone.

What makes you
think I had a choice?

I should have become
a chicken farmer.

Do you realize the danger?

A man alone in a country

that hasn't been charted yet?

Who is this character, captain?

Poncho.

Do you know what will
happen to me, my friend,

when I tell my superiors

that not only have
I lost the horse,

a gift for my president,

but the top United States

Secret Service agent to boot?

Yeah. Tell me,

what did this
Poncho character do

to earn a free portrait
in the police gallery?

Do? Eh, what didn't he do?

He's been a kidnapper,
a bank robber.

Last week he murdered
three men in cold blood,

and still he's not
as bad as Sordo.

He isn't, huh?

That is some horse, jefe.

More horse than we
will ever catch this way.

Dismount,

take off the saddles,

make your way
back to camp on foot.

Andale.

Poncho.

All right, everybody!

It's all right! Have fun!

Play.

Have fun! You hear me?

Ha-ha-ha-ha!

Señor,

cerveza?

Tequila?

I don't drink.

Oh, señor,

you are more handsome

than I could have believed.

Heaven was good to me.

It is true you have killed

hundred men?

One hundred so far this year.

Señor.

Where is Sordo?

He has gone to the mountains.

Where in the mountains?

The usual place.

Mm-hmm.

I see.

What's this I hear
about a horse?

A beautiful horse, huh?

That's it.

Everybody want that horse,

but Sordo has it.

And Sordo is in
the mountains, eh?

In the usual place?

Si.

You know the old campsite

near the hacienda de la vieja.

Oh, sure.

I've been there
many times myself

hanging out.

Well, it's time for me to go.

Oh, señor,

you brought your men.

My men?

Si, your men.

Isabella!

Chico.

Oh, how I missed you.

Poncho is here.

Poncho?

Poncho is dead.

I bury him two days ago.

Oh, no, no, no.

Poncho is right here.

Poncho.

Turn around.

I think maybe I want
to bury you again.

I think once is enough, amigo.

Go home, my pet.

Hola, amigo.

Where you have been
keeping yourself, huh?

It is not nice to
leave a man's table

so quick.

I wanted to talk

some more with you.

Maybe we could make
a new friend, huh?

From my point of view,

it would be very difficult.

We each have a
point of view, huh?

From where I am,

you look pretty good to me.

Stand up and take off
your gun belt, señor.

You know, amigo,

I could have shot you

for your gun happily,

but for stealing my horse,

that is an unspeakable crime.

Well, I guess it's all according

to how you look at it, isn't it?

We are looking from
my point of view, amigo.

I have the gun.

Yeah, you have the gun.

What are you gonna do with me?

I will think about that.

Your crime deserves

a little thought.

You see, to shoot you,

it's nothing. No imagination.

I am a man of great
imagination, señor.

Uh, you better hurry up.

Huh?

We've got company.

Imperialistas.

This is very funny.

Forgive me if I don't
see the humor in it.

We would have killed each other

because of this horse,

and now for the same because,

we must fight together
to keep from being killed.

It'll be dark in an hour.

We'll see our
visitors before that.

They will come not as the wind,

but as a river flood,

there and there.

You know, I am
not a religious man,

but if somehow I
could find myself

in a cantina with a pretty girl

at this moment,

I would become one.

Have a cigar.

Huh?

They're from Havana.

In Havana,

they make very
intriguing cigars.

Up to a point,

they are not bad.

Now.

Antonio, get more men.

Si, jefe.

Hey, you are not
bad for a gringo.

Yeah, what do you
know about gringos?

Not much.

I try to avoid them.

It's bad company.

Yeah, what about you?

Oh, not so good company, either.

I am a bandit.

I rob a little.

Sometimes I kill a little.

It is not a very good living,

but it's all I got.

Oh, my mother gave birth

to a stupid one!

My stupidity is
a thing to behold.

They stole my horse.

Uh, your horse doesn't matter.

This is the one we
gotta get out of here.

It will be dark soon,
then it will be easy.

One of us can
slip away with him.

Yeah, but which one?

I always win, amigo.

It is a bad habit of mine.

Hold on.

The old hacienda the
girl talked to us about

is in the foothills.

Sordo should be near there.

How far is that?

Six, seven hours.

And we won't have
light much longer.

Better keep moving, eh?

Come on.

Wolves.

Si.

He has made a kill.

He's calling his mate,

telling her of his love,

of his need.

They sound to him sane.

He must survive.

It's a hard life,

even for a big wolf.

All of us must kill
to survive, huh?

Sometimes,

even when we don't want to.

We are lucky, you and me.

We have only the matter

of a horse to settle.

Why did you steal that horse?

It was a great risk
just for a horse.

Risk?

Si, but not just a horse.

A great horse, amigo.

Worth more than my life even.

You know what it
is to live like Sordo?

Great ugliness.

Even my face,

ugly.

Look at this country;

cold in the night,

hot in the day.

Ugliness.

Dust, sand, rocks,

snakes, scorpions.

Life and death,

it is nothing.

Yet it is where I live,

where I survive.

Not very pretty, huh?

But when I see that horse,

aye...

That is beautiful.

To have him...

to look at him

and say that he is mine...

Aye,

that is...

That is beauty.

So when I see you

and your compadre with him,

I say, "look, these gringos,

"they take that
beauty of an animal

to some rich pig of a patrón."

You made a mistake.

I did?

We're not giving this
horse to any rich patrón.

We're taking it to Juárez.

To the presidente?

Mm-hmm.

They're gaining on us, amigo.

There's a passage
through the mountain there,

a canyon.

With luck, one man
can hold off an army.

It is our only chance, amigo.

There.

If we keep riding this
horse, we'll kill him.

You're right. There, mi amigo.

We'll try and make that canyon.

Whoa.

They're heading
off to the mountains.

I know. Keep after them.

But the men are tired.

So is that horse they're riding.

One more hour in the sun,

and he will be dead,

and our job will be finished.

What about the
gringo and the other?

We'll kill them both,

and I want no
trace of them found.

As you order, excellency.

Bueno.

Hah!

Easy...

We have not much time, amigo.

They will be on us quicker

than I care to think about.

I know. One of us

is gonna have to
ride out of here.

And the other?

The other...

is gonna have to hold them off.

You can hold them
off for about an hour

if you're clever.

It could be a massacre
if a man is clever.

Yeah, a massacre.

Question is which man, eh?

That's the question, all right,

which one?

For me, it is survival.

I have survived a
long time, amigo.

For you, it is different.

For you, it is an
ugly little Indian

we call Juárez who
awaits this horse.

You know Juárez?

No, I've never met him.

He is an ugly little Indian,

like myself,

born in misery.

But what a man, amigo.

What a man.

Benito Juárez...

is Mexico,

and he awaits my horse.

Oh...

What a beauty you are,

like a star,

like a star in my pocket.

Why were you ever born, huh?

The winner rides
the horse out, huh?

You fight good,

but you trust too quickly.

Never trust anybody.

I live a long time by that rule.

It always pays.

Does it? Si.

Get up.

What now?

We made a bargain.

The winner rides out the horse.

You win the fight.

Go.

Go now.

You don't have much time.

Why are you doing this?

Me, I am sentimental.

What is a bandit

compared to Juárez?

Leave your gun.

I will have need of it.

All right, now you
get up on this horse.

What is the matter with you?

Are you out of your mind?

Just think I can
hold them off longer

than you can, that's all.

Aye, gringos.

Keep the fire warm,
compadre, eh?

Adios.

Adios. Bueno suerte.

That is his problem.

I have to get you
to Benito Juárez.

Aye, gringo.

Buenos dias, señors.

Say, I know you.

You are the friend
of señor West.

Yeah.

What have you done with him?

You'll find out
soon enough, señor.

You... Get off your horse.

What are you gonna do, Sordo?

I'm going to change horses.

Tell Juárez I'm
sorry for the lateness

in the delivery of his gift.

Tell him that an old bandit

who fought with
him in the revolution

sends it with his best regards

and his blessings.

You and me, we
have a friend in trouble.

Shall we help him?

Why not?

Antonio, climb up
there and get above him.

Pedro, Miguel,

He's hit.

He's dead, muchachos!

Follow me!

What is the matter with you?

We are afraid, excellency!

Of what?

Of one dead gringo?

Has any one of
you ever been bitten

by a dead scorpion, huh?

The smell of cowards

is too strong for me here.

Look.

Look at me.

Hey, gringo.

Are you dead?

Shoot me, huh?

Gringo,

kill me.

You see? He's dead.

Come on, follow me.

We have work to do.

Having a little trouble?

You might say so, Artie.

How's the Jack O'Diamonds?

Safe with Captain Fortuna.

You have been having trouble.

Yeah, it's going to
heal all right, though.

You have a cigar?

Yeah.

Here you are.

They made in Havana?

Yeah, yeah, but
it won't explode.

You got no sense of humor.

Well...

That's one whale
of a fighting man.

One of the best I've ever seen.

Señors.

Do nothing foolish.

Your money, please.

Now, throw your guns

and your gun belts

in the bushes.

Did you ever have the feeling

that you'd been had?

Sordo, you'll never make it.

You've been
wounded too seriously.

Oh, this?

Oh...

I have been hurt

worse than this.

They do not call me

the old fox for nothing.

Now,

because you are not bad gringos,

I am going to leave you a horse.

Give my regards to Juárez, eh?

Tell him to ride my horse

in good health.

Adios, amigos.

How far do you think he'll get?

Oh, about as far as
a hangman's noose.

Yeah, that's for sure. Someday.

Yeah, but not today, Artie.

Not today.