The White Lotus (2021–2022): Season 2, Episode 1 - Episode #2.1 - full transcript
Anyways, I feel like
I can't even go back
and get married to him.
Pretend like
we never have to go back
to America.
I think so.
- I know, I think...
- Did you guys just get here?
Yeah, we... we just
in flew this morning.
Oh, I'm so jealous.
We leave in a few hours.
So, did you have a good time?
We had the best time.
Have you guys been here before?
No.
The hotel's perfect,
and the staff is excellent.
The food is amazing.
- I've heard.
- And the wine. I mean...
We are so excited.
Italy's just so romantic.
Oh, you're gonna die.
They're gonna have
to drag you out of here.
Oh, I'm sure.
Well, I'm gonna get
in the water one last time.
But...
you guys are gonna
have such an amazing trip.
- Thank you. Nice to meet you.
- Thanks.
- You too.
- Safe travels.
- Thanks. Bye!
- Bye!
Oh, what the fuck was that?
Holy fuck.
Oh, my fucking God.
Holy fucking shit.
Help! Help! Help! Help!
Help! Help!
Help!
Valentina.
You must stay behind there.
- All or a!
- Oh.
Mia.
Huh?
Signori Di Grasso.
Welcome to the White Lotus.
I am Valentina,
the resort manager.
- Ah.
- How was your boat ride?
It was bellissimo.
I mean, I'm impressed
that you are even here.
Why are you impressed?
It's a long trip
from Los Angeles,
and you are quite old, no?
And bring you
to your beautiful rooms.
Can I offer you
a glass of Prosecco?
Oh. Thank you, dear.
You're a sight for sore eyes.
Thank you.
- Cheers.
- This way.
- Thank you.
- You like it?
Yeah. Thanks.
Hello, darling.
Oh.
Hey. Welcome to Sicily.
Mr. and Mrs. Sullivan.
You must be Mr. and Mrs. Spiller?
How was your flight?
- It was fine.
- Yeah.
But they did lose Cameron's bag in Rome.
Oh, never transfer through Rome.
Fiumicino always loses bags.
Oh.
You should have
flown through Munich.
- Thanks for the tip.
- Yeah. Next time.
- You're welcome.
- Thank you.
Please, some Italian Prosecco?
- Let's toast, people.
- No, thanks.
- I think I'll just wait.
- Harper... You don't want one?
No. I don't want one.
They wanna do a
toast. Can you hold the glass for me?
I haven't eaten in six hours.
- I don't need any more drinks.
- Sorry.
Just hold it.
- Sorry.
- That's okay.
- Cheers. We made it.
- Cheers.
Welcome
to the White Lotus in Sicily.
Mm. Thank you.
If your bag will ever arrive,
- we'll let you know right way.
- Okay.
If you believe in miracles.
Okay, thank you.
You're welcome.
So, you don't like Prosecco?
- No, no, it's fine. Thank you.
- Yeah.
- Okay. Okay. Thank you.
- Okay, careful.
Ah! Ah! Oh.
Mrs. McQuoid-Hunt!
Ooh.
Welcome
to the White Lotus in Sicily.
You guys just really...
Just pull out all the stops.
You really do.
Whenever I stay
at a White Lotus,
I always have
a memorable time. Always.
And you are
in our Blossom Circle.
So, you are
very important to us.
Mm. But I was a Petal,
and I've worked
my way up to Blossom. Yeah.
You know that your husband
is already here?
Good. Because...
He hasn't been responding
to my texts.
Shall we?
Yeah, okay. Okay,
Portia, do you get service here?
Yeah, I think
we both have full service.
Maybe we could take it
to AT&T or something.
Wow.
This hotel is so cool.
Well, originally,
it was a convent.
Honey, check out this view.
- Whoa. Is that a volcano?
- Mount Etna.
Hey, what is with these
head things?
We keep seeing them everywhere.
Testa di Moro.
- Testa di Moro?
- Yeah. Well, the story is
a Moor came here a long time ago
and seduced a local girl.
But then she found out
that he had a wife
and children back home.
So, because he lied to her,
she cut his head off.
- Oh.
- Jesus.
So if you put one
of those outside of your house,
what are you saying?
If you come into my house,
don't fuck my wife.
It's a warning
to husbands, babe.
Screw around and you'll end up
buried in the garden.
- Uh-oh.
- Oh, before I forget.
I'll show you a special feature.
- Cool.
- If I open this door,
you can connect the two rooms.
- Should I show you?
- Oh! Yeah, cool.
No, no, that's okay.
I doubt we'll use that.
Okay.
I mean, it's possible
at some point. I don't know.
It's good to have
the option, yeah?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
You never know.
- Guys, we did it!
- Yeah!
Come on! We're finally here!
We've been talking
about this forever.
- This is awesome.
- Oh! I'm so happy we're here.
- It's gonna be great.
- Yeah.
Yeah, totally.
- Let me show you your rooms.
- Yeah!
Let's go.
- You go first.
- All right, guys. See you later.
Yeah. See you.
What?
Oh. I should tell you.
Both my parents
were born in Sicily.
- Oh.
- Yeah, they came
to the States as children.
Yeah, so we are Sicilian,
just like you.
Although I'm not from Sicily.
I am from Milan.
Oh, you do have more
of a Northern look.
Beautiful hazel eyes.
Wonderful smile.
- You're very kind.
- You must be very popular.
- All right, Dad.
- Ah.
Anyway, we're here because
we're gonna visit the town
- my grandmother's from.
- Oh!
It's a little town,
uh, Testa dell'Acqua.
Yeah, that sounds very special.
Hopefully, um,
we can find some people there
who can speak English, you know,
maybe help us track down
some distant relatives.
'Cause we definitely
don't speak Italian.
Oh, you should come, Isabella.
You could be our translator.
We need you.
- Dad.
- Hmm?
Leave her alone.
We'll take it from here.
Okay, thank you.
Shall I show you how
to close the curtains?
There's a button
over there on the...
That's okay.
We'll figure it out.
I'd like to know.
Where is this button, Isabella?
Dad! I'm gonna help
you find it, okay?
- Thank you very, very much.
- Thank you. Thank you very much.
- Thank you.
- You're very lovely.
Thank you.
They are lucky
to have you working here.
Be our translator...
You slammed the door
in that poor girl's face!
You were harassing her.
- How? I was not.
- You kinda were. And farting.
It's the Prosecco.
Okay. Albie and I
are gonna go to our rooms.
We'll come back for you
in a bit. You gonna be okay?
- Uh...
- Great.
Why did we do this?
It's nice, Dad.
It's a nice thing to do.
I got a migraine.
I'm gonna go lay down.
Okay. Well, I'm probably
gonna head down to the pool.
Um, and then what time
did you wanna meet up for...
The most ancient art
is 14th century.
- Oh, my God. Really?
- Yeah. Oh.
- Your missing husband is here.
- Oh!
- Oh, ho!
- Hey.
Hi!
- How was the flight? Mm.
- I missed you so much.
Hey, uh, yeah, you know
I texted you a bunch of times.
And you never texted me back.
I know, I know. I'm sorry.
We just had a flare-up
at work, it was...
Shall I show
you your room, or...
Oh. Yeah, definitely.
What the hell is she doing here?
What?
Yeah, uh, well, look.
I'm traveling by myself...
You bring your assistant
to a vacation with your husband?
Anything you need,
I'll be there. Okay?
Well, I just don't know
what the big deal is.
I mean, I don't know
why you're so bothered.
Because I said no!
Because it's supposed
to be romantic.
Because it's a vacation,
in Sicily, for us.
I mean it's...
I mean,
it's not like she's, like,
gonna be in our bed
and stuff, you know?
- I mean, she has her own room.
- Tanya.
Get rid of her.
All right, I'll get rid of her.
I'll get rid of her. All right?
- All right.
- Put her on a plane.
Hey. Um...
You're gonna have to get lost.
Okay. Yeah.
So, what do you mean?
I'd see you in a week, then?
No, no, no, no.
I want you to stay... stay close,
'cause I might need you.
But just lay low
and... and not come out
of your room. Okay?
I gotta go. I gotta go!
I did it. I did it.
Oh. Hi, Portia.
Do you want a drink?
I'm hungry.
Well, we have these
little... little things here.
I just think it's like,
you sold your company,
you got rich,
and now he's your best friend?
That's just...
Are you taking
that side of the bed?
I always sleep on that side.
Okay. Which is it a big deal?
Yeah, I wanna sleep
on my side of the bed.
Okay.
I'll sleep over there.
Yeah, I think that's better.
Also, they're so
touchy-feely. Right?
Like, do you notice that?
It feels performative.
- Like, who does that?
- Happily married couples?
Couples that have been
married for five years?
No way. It feels fake.
You're so quick to judge people.
Yeah, people that brag
about taking helicopters
to the Hamptons
and being friends
with Jeff Bezos. I mean...
Look, Cameron
is the kinda guy who,
if you can put up
with him for five minutes,
you can put up with him forever.
He is consistent.
A consistent douche?
Yeah. He's crazy, it's funny.
- Was he like that in college?
- Way worse.
Why were you
even friends with him?
We weren't friends,
we were roommates.
And then, you know how it is.
You kind of become friends,
and now we're friends.
At some point,
he is gonna approach you
with some kind
of money-making scheme
or some kind of favor
or something.
There's a reason
they invited us here.
Well, that's my prediction.
So, we'll see.
Can you just please
try to make an effort?
Or else this is gonna
be a very awkward week.
When do I ever
make things awkward?
Could you put these...
These are hers.
Just put them on the couch
or the... anywhere. Thank you.
Grazie! Thank you!
Hey!
What?
Well, we got here in one piece.
My dad's not in the best shape
and he's already getting
on my nerves, but...
I'm in the middle
of something, Dom, okay?
- I'm gonna go.
- Okay.
Um, well...
I was thinking of you. You know?
We planned this together
and I, uh,
just really wish you were here.
Yeah, right.
Okay. Whatever, Dom.
No. Not whatever.
Yes, whatever.
Just fuck off!
Okay. Um,
listen, Cara is not answering
my calls.
Well, she doesn't want
to talk to you, so,
I... I don't know.
Well, you should
encourage her to talk to me.
You know what? I'm
not getting involved in that.
But you are getting involved,
or why else would
she be mad at me?
Because of this latest
fucking bullshit, Dom!
And everything else over
the last ten fucking years!
Do you really think you
should be telling her all this?
Why not?
I have nothing to be ashamed of!
And I'm honest.
I don't keep fucking secrets
from my family!
You should try it sometime!
Well, Albie's here.
He's not upset.
Yes, he fucking is!
He's just... he just doesn't want
to fight you.
He's a sweet,
sensitive young man.
And I honestly don't know
how it happened.
Sure as hell
didn't get it from you.
Okay. Jesus. Um...
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for everything.
And I still love you...
Shut the fuck up, Dom.
Shut up with the fucking
sorrys already, okay? Enough!
Okay.
I'll let you know
how it all goes.
I don't fucking care, Dom!
I've wasted enough of my life.
I don't want you
calling me anymore!
Oh, my God, please.
It's fucking done! Okay?
Leave me alone.
Seriously! Fuck you!
Go fuck yourself. You fucking
piece of fucking shit!
This is such a fucked situation.
I feel like I've just been stuck
at home, just doom-scrolling
on my phone
the last three years,
and I finally get out
of there...
and I'm in Italy,
and she just told me
that I have to stay in my room
the whole time!
They're both fucking psycho.
It's fucked! Like,
the job is a joke!
- Then quit.
- She's a f... She's a mess.
She's a miserable mess.
If I had a half
a billion dollars,
I would not be miserable.
I would be enjoying my life!
It's... so unfair,
and I'm so tired.
Oh, don't worry about her.
Just go get some dick.
I know! That's...
I know! That's what I...
That's what I wanted.
I wanna do...
get thrown around
by some hot Italian guy,
and now I'm just gonna be
sitting in my room eating pasta.
The menu's all pasta!
I'm gonna be so bloated.
- This sucks.
- Oh, shit. Portia.
- Portia, I gotta get to work.
- Oh, right. Okay.
Love you.
- Love you. Text you later.
- Bye!
Bye.
Hey, Harper,
I just realized.
I know someone
that knows you from law school.
Uh, Kevin Kourepenos.
He actually says hi.
Do you want me to say hi?
Yeah, yeah, sure.
Um, tell him I said hi,
and congrats
on not getting disbarred.
Okay. I'll tell him.
So, you do employment law.
So interesting.
- Mm-hmm.
- What is that exactly?
Um, we, you know,
we take on clients
that are suing their employers
for discrimination,
sexual harassment,
wrongful termination,
stuff like that.
Amazing.
- What? What is that face?
- No, no, no.
Nothing. Just, um...
We've been dealing
with a bunch
of bogus claims lately.
- I mean, everyone has.
- Ah! Hmm.
I mean, even when they
have zero merit
and they get thrown out
in summary judgment,
you still have to go through
all the depos
and the internal investigations.
It's a total time suck.
Not to mention a huge waste
of money. I mean...
God.
Mm.
Well, they're not all bogus.
- No.
- No! God, no. Fuck.
Of course they're not.
Harper, no,
of course they're not.
- I'm sorry.
- No, no, no. It's fine.
Sorry.
All good.
I bet you're really tough.
I bet your clients
are really happy
to have you in their corner.
Yeah. God,
wouldn't wanna mess with you.
She's like the star of her firm.
Wins every case.
Of course you are.
Are you okay?
Yeah, I'm... I'm fine.
I... I just am dealing
with some...
Work stuff.
It's... It's nothing.
It's dumb...
Thank you for asking.
I think I saw you
and your cute grandfather
on the boat on the way in.
- Yeah. I... I saw you, too.
- Yeah.
- I'm Portia.
- Albie.
- Hey. Yeah.
- Hey.
- Where are you from?
- Los Angeles.
- Cool.
- Yeah. What about you?
San Francisco.
I love San Francisco.
It's beautiful.
Yeah. Yeah.
I... I actually spent
a lot of time there
because I went
to a school nearby.
Oh, yeah? What school?
I... went to... Stanford.
Don't be so ashamed.
Wha... I... I'm not, it's just...
I went to Chico State, so...
Oh, cool.
Yeah. "Cool."
Cool.
- Uh, what do you do now?
- Um, for work?
Yeah.
I... I act... I work
for this company
that does urban
planning consulting.
Hmm.
I'm just an intern
at this point, so...
So you can go
on vacation for a week
- and no one gives a shit.
- Basically. Yeah.
Oh. There's your grandfather.
He's truly such an adorable man.
Yeah. He's a lot...
My dad and I brought him here
because we're Sicilian...
Or we have Sicilian heritage.
Um, our last name's Di Grasso.
And we're taking him
to the town where his, um,
grandmother was born.
Cool. That's... so nice.
Oh, my God!
Your grandfather just fell!
Oh, no.
Nonno! Nonno, are you okay?
- Huh?
- You okay?
- Yeah, no, no. I'm fine. I...
- Sir?
I tripped.
- Did you hit your head or anything?
- Oh, my gosh.
- No, no. No, no.
- Your hand, it's...
- It's fine, it's fine.
- Are you okay?
Uh, oh, no, darling, thank you.
- Hello.
- Hi.
Are you... are you sure
you're good?
I mean, I'm so sorry you fell.
Just came to see the view,
I mean...
Yeah, I'll...
I'll walk with you, Nonno.
- There's a good view this way. Come on.
- Huh? Okay.
Oh, my hat.
Oh, I'll get... Yeah. Oh.
Yeah.
- Here you go.
- Okay.
Uh, maybe I'll see you around.
- Yeah. Yeah, I'll... I'm just...
- Okay.
No, I'm fine. I'm fine.
- Gonna get a drink.
- Who's the girl?
Hi.
Right now?
Hey, where you going?
Oh, don't you want me
to wash up first?
I got swamp crotch.
Yeah.
God, he's always thinking of me.
Totally disregard
my text about the Ambien.
I have located my Ambien.
- Oh, my gosh! I'm so glad.
- Thank God.
'Cause we don't have any,
so I'm sorry about that.
Oh. Really? You guys
don't take sleeping pills?
No.
- Ever?
- Nope.
- You have trouble sleeping?
- Mm.
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.
Why?
Why can't you sleep?
Just, like work stuff?
Yeah, but also just...
I don't know, just
everything that's going on...
...in the world.
What do you mean?
What's going on?
Oh, I don't know. Just,
like, the end of the world.
- Oh. No, Harper!
- Oh, come on!
The world's not ending,
it's not that bad.
Honestly, Cam and I don't even
watch the news anymore.
Yeah.
- You don't follow the news?
- No.
- What?
- Like, I'm just so over
the whole news cycle, you know?
It's... it's like, gimme a break.
They're just trying
to freak everybody out.
Yeah. They're just polarizing
society by making us
glued to their apocalyptic
soap opera, you know?
- It's like...
- Yeah. And even if it was
as bad as they say it is,
- I mean what can you really do, you know?
- Right.
We vote, we donate money.
You can't obsess.
- Did you vote, babe? Be honest.
- I did.
Doesn't matter.
- I don't think you did.
- I think I did. I did.
I don't know.
Mm. Okay, so you guys
don't watch the news.
Um... What do you do,
like, all day?
Oh. Well, I mean,
I'm... I'm home with the kids.
- I mean, mostly. Yep.
- Oh, right. Of course. Right.
We do a lot of Dateline.
I love it.
Husbands murdering their wives.
Happens a lot on vacation.
Scuba diving.
He'll just unplug her oxygen
while she's underwater.
Happens more than you think.
Why... why are you looking at me?
Why are we all looking at you?
Yeah.
Cameron really likes
to watch macho reality TV.
The guys are really ugly.
Oh, my God. That sounds
so bad, but they are.
Honey, the people on Dateline
aren't exactly
attractive either.
At least
they're murdering each other.
What do you watch, Ethan?
Uh, what do we watch?
Like, documentaries.
Ted Lasso, sometimes.
- We love Ted Lasso.
- Love Ted Lasso. Gotta.
- Mm.
- Oh, you like it?
- Yeah, man.
- Yes, of course.
- So likable, right?
- Yeah.
- I don't watch Ted Lasso.
- No?
- Yeah, such a good guy.
- Yeah.
So much content now. It's like
there's billions of shows,
everyone's trying to keep up.
- It's kinda suffocating, honestly. Yeah.
- Too much.
It's too much.
It's like we're all
entertaining each other
while the world burns, right?
We're all just zombies, you
know, like...
Hmm.
I love a binge.
I don't. Yeah...
Anyway.
Okey do key. Well...
If I can't get a swim in,
I may as well get a tan, right?
Hey, you know you can
just borrow one of my suits.
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
I'd love a swim-in.
- That'd be great.
- Yeah?
Weren't you gonna go up to
get some sunscreen anyway?
- Oh, yeah.
- You could grab it for him.
Oh, yeah. I'll come up
with you actually,
'cause I gotta change
into it anyway.
- Another round of Spritzes, E?
- Sure, I'm on it!
Another round?
Yeah, he likes to order
'em before they're gone.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What are you...
What the fuck?
Oh, my God.
I... I... I must have
been disassociating.
I was seeing
all these faces of men
with these very
effeminate hairstyles.
And then...
I saw you,
and your eyes were
like shark eyes,
like just completely dead.
Just like, dead.
Well, you really know
how to pump a guy up.
Must've been the Bonine
that I took before the flight.
I didn't get to finish.
I need to take a breather.
Yeah?
You ate all
the macaroons, didn't you?
What macaroons?
How do you expect
to lose weight if you inhale
five macaroons
and not even remember?
There were only three.
There were five.
Did you drink
the champagne, too?
I think he put them in here.
Yeah.
- Oh, washing bag?
- Yes.
I know we don't know
each other that well,
but I really appreciate you
being here.
You know, it means a lot.
Ethan never really
brought around a lot of girls,
so I'm just so happy that he found someone.
I think it's great.
Well, thanks for inviting us.
Sure.
- It'll be fun.
- It will be.
- I'm gonna get the sunscreen.
- Yeah.
Hey.
- Hey!
- What do you think?
Little snug, right?
I think they're fine.
Yeah? Hmm.
Can't find the sunscreen.
You know what? They probably
have a bunch of that
by the pool.
- I'm gonna keep looking.
- Yeah.
- Hey, I'll see you down there.
- Hmm.
- Hi.
- Hey, um,
Nonno fell by the pool.
- What?
- He's fine. Um,
but I think he hit his head.
He could have a concussion.
I'm thinking someone
should sleep with him tonight.
- Keep an eye on him.
- Yeah. Good idea.
Um...
Uh, we'll put him in your room.
I got work stuff. L.A. will
still be up. I'm gonna be up
and around all night.
So let's just, uh...
We'll put him
in your room. Okay?
Okay.
- Anything else?
- No.
What do you say, dinner at 8:00?
- Yeah. Sure.
- All right.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Niente.
- Hmm?
- Mia.
No.
Good evening, Mr. and Mrs. Hunt.
- Ah, Mikael. This is my wife, Tanya.
- Welcome.
- Nice to meet you, Mrs. Tanya.
- Hi. Hi.
How are you today?
- I heard a lot about you.
- Oh.
Nice to meet you.
How was your day today?
Oh, it was a... it was a...
It was a good day.
- One sec.
- Did you watch the football today?
No, well, my country has
a whole different kind of football.
I told you to stay in the room.
I had to eat.
Oh, my God.
He's gonna flip the fuck out.
What are you... Shit!
Here. Hold that.
Anyway. Here she is.
- Sorry.
- Shall we go to the table?
- Yeah, why not? Let's eat.
- Please.
- Okay.
- I'll take you to the table.
- Follow me, please.
- Oh, my God.
- Thanks, I love it.
- I got it, I got it.
We just flew
all the way in from Los Angeles.
Just to be here in Sicily.
Because we are Sicilian.
Are you Sicilian?
- Yes, from Catania.
- Ah. Are you married?
Dad, why don't you let her
put our order in
so I can get a drink?
My son is a big muckity-muck
in Hollywood,
- so he's very impatient.
- I'll bring you your drinks.
- Thank you.
- Thanks. Sorry.
Thank you.
- Dad, you gotta knock it off.
- Oh. What's the problem?
What are you doing?
I mean, what's... the point?
Flirting is one
of the pleasures of life.
Do you actually think
you have a chance
with any of these women?
Oh, don't be rude.
I'm just saying,
you're 80 years old.
Well, I'm still a man.
And I get older and older,
but the women I desire
remain young.
Natural, right?
You can relate to that.
Can you still get...
- Or... Do you still get...
- What? Hard?
Erections?
Sure. Like that.
- Really?
- Albie.
Do you still, like, jerk off?
Doctors say you need
to release once a day...
- otherwise you get backed up.
- Wait a second.
Doctors say you need
to jerk off once a day?
- That's right. That's right.
- Which doctors say that?
You need to drain the sack.
- They say that?
- Mm-hmm.
Common knowledge.
God. It just seems like the body
would naturally stop
getting horny
once you're past the age
of procreation, you know?
Like at 50, you would just stop.
Fifty? Fifty's not that old.
- It just seems undignified.
- I'm still virile, by the way.
I could still impregnate
a woman.
- Oh.
- No girl
should have to be exposed
to an old guy's junk.
It's not like it was ever
so beautiful to look at anyway.
I mean, it's a penis.
It's not a sunset.
Hookers.
Really?
Oh, yeah.
Looks like a couple of locals.
Buona sera.
Come on, man.
You don't recognize a hooker?
So innocent, man.
Just like in college.
Ethan was the original incel.
What are you talking about?
No, I wasn't.
Yeah, you were.
Come on, man.
No, I'm... I'm kidding.
I'm kidding, man.
I'm joking, all right? Look,
you could have gotten laid.
- He's a handsome guy, right?
- Yeah.
Jesus Christ, look at you.
You're a handsome guy.
I'd do ya.
You're just such
a workhorse, man.
You never came out of your room.
Well, he's still like that.
Okay, I think we should
split the arugula salad
and the beet salad,
and then maybe get
the raviolo and the vitello.
I kinda wanted
to try the fish, but...
- The whitefish?
- Yeah.
Hmm.
No, I feel it'll be too fishy.
Okay.
I mean, it's whitefish,
it's pretty light.
It's not a very fishy fish.
Well, you can get it tomorrow.
We're gonna be here all week.
Okay. All right. Yeah.
Or we can have the whitefish.
Let's do it.
I just don't like it
when it's too fishy.
- Mm-hmm. Yeah, me too.
- Yeah, sure.
- Great.
- Great. It sounds good.
Let's do it.
- Neat.
- Wine, people?
Yes.
- What do we want?
- I like white.
Me too. I prefer white.
I don't know
what they're clapping for.
This singer's abominable.
Sounded okay to me.
Go to your room.
Go. Your room.
Your room.
You're not feeling sluggish
or not concentrating?
Head is fine.
And it's not gonna happen again.
It was a little fall, nothing.
You should sleep
with Albie anyway.
All right.
Hmm.
I was told that the cheese here
was made by a blind nun
in a basement.
Hey!
You know,
I... I think you're fine.
You... you didn't hit your head
that hard or... you know,
so, I should...
I'm just gonna go.
So, I'll see you in the morning.
- Good night.
- Good night, Nonno. Sleep well.
Buona sera.
Grazie.
Oh, grazie.
Hmm.
Hmm?
No. No, no, no, no.
Mm-hmm.
Hmm?
She was
definitely more talkative by the pool.
And at dinner,
she was actually kinda nice.
Well...
now that he's loaded,
do you think
he regrets marrying such a dud?
Cam, I wanna Face Time
them again.
- What?
- Please?
Honey, come on.
We just hung up.
I know, but I miss Emma so much.
I know.
Of course you do.
But that's not the point,
all right?
The point is...
we're in Italy, honey. Okay?
- Mm-Hmm.
- We're on vacation.
- Just you and me.
- Yeah.
- We need to enjoy it.
- Okay.
- Just me and my baby.
- Ooh.
- And you know what that means.
- What?
- You need something.
- Mm-hmm.
You need...
- A tickle attack.
- No!
No!
- Please! Stop!
- Tickle, tickle, tickle. I got you!
No, stop it!
Hey, hey!
Is he hurting her?
- No! No...
- Hey! Tickle attack!
Monkey man, monkey man!
No.
Thanks for making more
of an effort.
I mean, yeah, they kind
of live in a bubble, but...
they're fun, right?
They don't vote, Ethan.
I know. What the fuck?
They don't read the news.
They don't read.
It's like,
what do they even talk about?
Is that what happens
when you're rich for too long,
your brain just atrophies?
I mean, they seem happy.
No way. It's a front.
It's good to have, you know,
diverse friends, I guess.
Yeah, I think
we're their diverse friends.
Their
White-passing diverse friends.
Yeah, you're right.
When we came up here
to get the suit,
he just took all
of his clothes off
in the middle of the room.
Like, naked.
And then you...
Like, where were you?
In the bathroom.
Doesn't seem that weird.
Just getting changed.
Baby, come here!
Baby, come on.
No!
Wow.
All right, look.
Look. Listen,
I don't wanna fucking talk
about this right now, okay?
Yes, I'm going to. Yeah.
This is not the time.
Yes.
Fuck.
- Hi.
- Hey.
Who are you talking to?
It's work. It's Bob.
Oh, Bob. Well,
why were you whispering?
I... I thought you were trying
to get ready for bed.
Oh, well. Guess what?
- Huh?
- Look what I found.
- Oh, okay.
- Two macaroons!
- Yeah, great.
- Yeah.
I really did only eat three.
Oh. Well, great.
You had a whole
panna cotta at dinner.
Well, eat them,
'cause you wanted 'em.
I don't want them now.
Why? Yeah, take them,
they're good.
Tanya, I just brushed my teeth.
I'm on the phone.
Uh, Bob, I gotta go...
- Here you go.
- Thank you.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
I went down to the dock
when your boat arrived.
I wanted to see
what you looked like.
What'd you think?
Very handsome.
Thank you.
And you're from Los Angeles.
It's amazing. I always dreamt
of going to Los Angeles.
It is my dream.
Uh, I mean...
You should go.
I don't have the money.
You seem like
a very nice person. Um...
I'm just going through a lot
right now in my life.
So, it's... it's, um...
hard for me
to make conversation right now.
But you are very,
uh, beautiful.
I'm glad you're here.
All or a...
I can't even go back
and get married to him.
Pretend like
we never have to go back
to America.
I think so.
- I know, I think...
- Did you guys just get here?
Yeah, we... we just
in flew this morning.
Oh, I'm so jealous.
We leave in a few hours.
So, did you have a good time?
We had the best time.
Have you guys been here before?
No.
The hotel's perfect,
and the staff is excellent.
The food is amazing.
- I've heard.
- And the wine. I mean...
We are so excited.
Italy's just so romantic.
Oh, you're gonna die.
They're gonna have
to drag you out of here.
Oh, I'm sure.
Well, I'm gonna get
in the water one last time.
But...
you guys are gonna
have such an amazing trip.
- Thank you. Nice to meet you.
- Thanks.
- You too.
- Safe travels.
- Thanks. Bye!
- Bye!
Oh, what the fuck was that?
Holy fuck.
Oh, my fucking God.
Holy fucking shit.
Help! Help! Help! Help!
Help! Help!
Help!
Valentina.
You must stay behind there.
- All or a!
- Oh.
Mia.
Huh?
Signori Di Grasso.
Welcome to the White Lotus.
I am Valentina,
the resort manager.
- Ah.
- How was your boat ride?
It was bellissimo.
I mean, I'm impressed
that you are even here.
Why are you impressed?
It's a long trip
from Los Angeles,
and you are quite old, no?
And bring you
to your beautiful rooms.
Can I offer you
a glass of Prosecco?
Oh. Thank you, dear.
You're a sight for sore eyes.
Thank you.
- Cheers.
- This way.
- Thank you.
- You like it?
Yeah. Thanks.
Hello, darling.
Oh.
Hey. Welcome to Sicily.
Mr. and Mrs. Sullivan.
You must be Mr. and Mrs. Spiller?
How was your flight?
- It was fine.
- Yeah.
But they did lose Cameron's bag in Rome.
Oh, never transfer through Rome.
Fiumicino always loses bags.
Oh.
You should have
flown through Munich.
- Thanks for the tip.
- Yeah. Next time.
- You're welcome.
- Thank you.
Please, some Italian Prosecco?
- Let's toast, people.
- No, thanks.
- I think I'll just wait.
- Harper... You don't want one?
No. I don't want one.
They wanna do a
toast. Can you hold the glass for me?
I haven't eaten in six hours.
- I don't need any more drinks.
- Sorry.
Just hold it.
- Sorry.
- That's okay.
- Cheers. We made it.
- Cheers.
Welcome
to the White Lotus in Sicily.
Mm. Thank you.
If your bag will ever arrive,
- we'll let you know right way.
- Okay.
If you believe in miracles.
Okay, thank you.
You're welcome.
So, you don't like Prosecco?
- No, no, it's fine. Thank you.
- Yeah.
- Okay. Okay. Thank you.
- Okay, careful.
Ah! Ah! Oh.
Mrs. McQuoid-Hunt!
Ooh.
Welcome
to the White Lotus in Sicily.
You guys just really...
Just pull out all the stops.
You really do.
Whenever I stay
at a White Lotus,
I always have
a memorable time. Always.
And you are
in our Blossom Circle.
So, you are
very important to us.
Mm. But I was a Petal,
and I've worked
my way up to Blossom. Yeah.
You know that your husband
is already here?
Good. Because...
He hasn't been responding
to my texts.
Shall we?
Yeah, okay. Okay,
Portia, do you get service here?
Yeah, I think
we both have full service.
Maybe we could take it
to AT&T or something.
Wow.
This hotel is so cool.
Well, originally,
it was a convent.
Honey, check out this view.
- Whoa. Is that a volcano?
- Mount Etna.
Hey, what is with these
head things?
We keep seeing them everywhere.
Testa di Moro.
- Testa di Moro?
- Yeah. Well, the story is
a Moor came here a long time ago
and seduced a local girl.
But then she found out
that he had a wife
and children back home.
So, because he lied to her,
she cut his head off.
- Oh.
- Jesus.
So if you put one
of those outside of your house,
what are you saying?
If you come into my house,
don't fuck my wife.
It's a warning
to husbands, babe.
Screw around and you'll end up
buried in the garden.
- Uh-oh.
- Oh, before I forget.
I'll show you a special feature.
- Cool.
- If I open this door,
you can connect the two rooms.
- Should I show you?
- Oh! Yeah, cool.
No, no, that's okay.
I doubt we'll use that.
Okay.
I mean, it's possible
at some point. I don't know.
It's good to have
the option, yeah?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
You never know.
- Guys, we did it!
- Yeah!
Come on! We're finally here!
We've been talking
about this forever.
- This is awesome.
- Oh! I'm so happy we're here.
- It's gonna be great.
- Yeah.
Yeah, totally.
- Let me show you your rooms.
- Yeah!
Let's go.
- You go first.
- All right, guys. See you later.
Yeah. See you.
What?
Oh. I should tell you.
Both my parents
were born in Sicily.
- Oh.
- Yeah, they came
to the States as children.
Yeah, so we are Sicilian,
just like you.
Although I'm not from Sicily.
I am from Milan.
Oh, you do have more
of a Northern look.
Beautiful hazel eyes.
Wonderful smile.
- You're very kind.
- You must be very popular.
- All right, Dad.
- Ah.
Anyway, we're here because
we're gonna visit the town
- my grandmother's from.
- Oh!
It's a little town,
uh, Testa dell'Acqua.
Yeah, that sounds very special.
Hopefully, um,
we can find some people there
who can speak English, you know,
maybe help us track down
some distant relatives.
'Cause we definitely
don't speak Italian.
Oh, you should come, Isabella.
You could be our translator.
We need you.
- Dad.
- Hmm?
Leave her alone.
We'll take it from here.
Okay, thank you.
Shall I show you how
to close the curtains?
There's a button
over there on the...
That's okay.
We'll figure it out.
I'd like to know.
Where is this button, Isabella?
Dad! I'm gonna help
you find it, okay?
- Thank you very, very much.
- Thank you. Thank you very much.
- Thank you.
- You're very lovely.
Thank you.
They are lucky
to have you working here.
Be our translator...
You slammed the door
in that poor girl's face!
You were harassing her.
- How? I was not.
- You kinda were. And farting.
It's the Prosecco.
Okay. Albie and I
are gonna go to our rooms.
We'll come back for you
in a bit. You gonna be okay?
- Uh...
- Great.
Why did we do this?
It's nice, Dad.
It's a nice thing to do.
I got a migraine.
I'm gonna go lay down.
Okay. Well, I'm probably
gonna head down to the pool.
Um, and then what time
did you wanna meet up for...
The most ancient art
is 14th century.
- Oh, my God. Really?
- Yeah. Oh.
- Your missing husband is here.
- Oh!
- Oh, ho!
- Hey.
Hi!
- How was the flight? Mm.
- I missed you so much.
Hey, uh, yeah, you know
I texted you a bunch of times.
And you never texted me back.
I know, I know. I'm sorry.
We just had a flare-up
at work, it was...
Shall I show
you your room, or...
Oh. Yeah, definitely.
What the hell is she doing here?
What?
Yeah, uh, well, look.
I'm traveling by myself...
You bring your assistant
to a vacation with your husband?
Anything you need,
I'll be there. Okay?
Well, I just don't know
what the big deal is.
I mean, I don't know
why you're so bothered.
Because I said no!
Because it's supposed
to be romantic.
Because it's a vacation,
in Sicily, for us.
I mean it's...
I mean,
it's not like she's, like,
gonna be in our bed
and stuff, you know?
- I mean, she has her own room.
- Tanya.
Get rid of her.
All right, I'll get rid of her.
I'll get rid of her. All right?
- All right.
- Put her on a plane.
Hey. Um...
You're gonna have to get lost.
Okay. Yeah.
So, what do you mean?
I'd see you in a week, then?
No, no, no, no.
I want you to stay... stay close,
'cause I might need you.
But just lay low
and... and not come out
of your room. Okay?
I gotta go. I gotta go!
I did it. I did it.
Oh. Hi, Portia.
Do you want a drink?
I'm hungry.
Well, we have these
little... little things here.
I just think it's like,
you sold your company,
you got rich,
and now he's your best friend?
That's just...
Are you taking
that side of the bed?
I always sleep on that side.
Okay. Which is it a big deal?
Yeah, I wanna sleep
on my side of the bed.
Okay.
I'll sleep over there.
Yeah, I think that's better.
Also, they're so
touchy-feely. Right?
Like, do you notice that?
It feels performative.
- Like, who does that?
- Happily married couples?
Couples that have been
married for five years?
No way. It feels fake.
You're so quick to judge people.
Yeah, people that brag
about taking helicopters
to the Hamptons
and being friends
with Jeff Bezos. I mean...
Look, Cameron
is the kinda guy who,
if you can put up
with him for five minutes,
you can put up with him forever.
He is consistent.
A consistent douche?
Yeah. He's crazy, it's funny.
- Was he like that in college?
- Way worse.
Why were you
even friends with him?
We weren't friends,
we were roommates.
And then, you know how it is.
You kind of become friends,
and now we're friends.
At some point,
he is gonna approach you
with some kind
of money-making scheme
or some kind of favor
or something.
There's a reason
they invited us here.
Well, that's my prediction.
So, we'll see.
Can you just please
try to make an effort?
Or else this is gonna
be a very awkward week.
When do I ever
make things awkward?
Could you put these...
These are hers.
Just put them on the couch
or the... anywhere. Thank you.
Grazie! Thank you!
Hey!
What?
Well, we got here in one piece.
My dad's not in the best shape
and he's already getting
on my nerves, but...
I'm in the middle
of something, Dom, okay?
- I'm gonna go.
- Okay.
Um, well...
I was thinking of you. You know?
We planned this together
and I, uh,
just really wish you were here.
Yeah, right.
Okay. Whatever, Dom.
No. Not whatever.
Yes, whatever.
Just fuck off!
Okay. Um,
listen, Cara is not answering
my calls.
Well, she doesn't want
to talk to you, so,
I... I don't know.
Well, you should
encourage her to talk to me.
You know what? I'm
not getting involved in that.
But you are getting involved,
or why else would
she be mad at me?
Because of this latest
fucking bullshit, Dom!
And everything else over
the last ten fucking years!
Do you really think you
should be telling her all this?
Why not?
I have nothing to be ashamed of!
And I'm honest.
I don't keep fucking secrets
from my family!
You should try it sometime!
Well, Albie's here.
He's not upset.
Yes, he fucking is!
He's just... he just doesn't want
to fight you.
He's a sweet,
sensitive young man.
And I honestly don't know
how it happened.
Sure as hell
didn't get it from you.
Okay. Jesus. Um...
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for everything.
And I still love you...
Shut the fuck up, Dom.
Shut up with the fucking
sorrys already, okay? Enough!
Okay.
I'll let you know
how it all goes.
I don't fucking care, Dom!
I've wasted enough of my life.
I don't want you
calling me anymore!
Oh, my God, please.
It's fucking done! Okay?
Leave me alone.
Seriously! Fuck you!
Go fuck yourself. You fucking
piece of fucking shit!
This is such a fucked situation.
I feel like I've just been stuck
at home, just doom-scrolling
on my phone
the last three years,
and I finally get out
of there...
and I'm in Italy,
and she just told me
that I have to stay in my room
the whole time!
They're both fucking psycho.
It's fucked! Like,
the job is a joke!
- Then quit.
- She's a f... She's a mess.
She's a miserable mess.
If I had a half
a billion dollars,
I would not be miserable.
I would be enjoying my life!
It's... so unfair,
and I'm so tired.
Oh, don't worry about her.
Just go get some dick.
I know! That's...
I know! That's what I...
That's what I wanted.
I wanna do...
get thrown around
by some hot Italian guy,
and now I'm just gonna be
sitting in my room eating pasta.
The menu's all pasta!
I'm gonna be so bloated.
- This sucks.
- Oh, shit. Portia.
- Portia, I gotta get to work.
- Oh, right. Okay.
Love you.
- Love you. Text you later.
- Bye!
Bye.
Hey, Harper,
I just realized.
I know someone
that knows you from law school.
Uh, Kevin Kourepenos.
He actually says hi.
Do you want me to say hi?
Yeah, yeah, sure.
Um, tell him I said hi,
and congrats
on not getting disbarred.
Okay. I'll tell him.
So, you do employment law.
So interesting.
- Mm-hmm.
- What is that exactly?
Um, we, you know,
we take on clients
that are suing their employers
for discrimination,
sexual harassment,
wrongful termination,
stuff like that.
Amazing.
- What? What is that face?
- No, no, no.
Nothing. Just, um...
We've been dealing
with a bunch
of bogus claims lately.
- I mean, everyone has.
- Ah! Hmm.
I mean, even when they
have zero merit
and they get thrown out
in summary judgment,
you still have to go through
all the depos
and the internal investigations.
It's a total time suck.
Not to mention a huge waste
of money. I mean...
God.
Mm.
Well, they're not all bogus.
- No.
- No! God, no. Fuck.
Of course they're not.
Harper, no,
of course they're not.
- I'm sorry.
- No, no, no. It's fine.
Sorry.
All good.
I bet you're really tough.
I bet your clients
are really happy
to have you in their corner.
Yeah. God,
wouldn't wanna mess with you.
She's like the star of her firm.
Wins every case.
Of course you are.
Are you okay?
Yeah, I'm... I'm fine.
I... I just am dealing
with some...
Work stuff.
It's... It's nothing.
It's dumb...
Thank you for asking.
I think I saw you
and your cute grandfather
on the boat on the way in.
- Yeah. I... I saw you, too.
- Yeah.
- I'm Portia.
- Albie.
- Hey. Yeah.
- Hey.
- Where are you from?
- Los Angeles.
- Cool.
- Yeah. What about you?
San Francisco.
I love San Francisco.
It's beautiful.
Yeah. Yeah.
I... I actually spent
a lot of time there
because I went
to a school nearby.
Oh, yeah? What school?
I... went to... Stanford.
Don't be so ashamed.
Wha... I... I'm not, it's just...
I went to Chico State, so...
Oh, cool.
Yeah. "Cool."
Cool.
- Uh, what do you do now?
- Um, for work?
Yeah.
I... I act... I work
for this company
that does urban
planning consulting.
Hmm.
I'm just an intern
at this point, so...
So you can go
on vacation for a week
- and no one gives a shit.
- Basically. Yeah.
Oh. There's your grandfather.
He's truly such an adorable man.
Yeah. He's a lot...
My dad and I brought him here
because we're Sicilian...
Or we have Sicilian heritage.
Um, our last name's Di Grasso.
And we're taking him
to the town where his, um,
grandmother was born.
Cool. That's... so nice.
Oh, my God!
Your grandfather just fell!
Oh, no.
Nonno! Nonno, are you okay?
- Huh?
- You okay?
- Yeah, no, no. I'm fine. I...
- Sir?
I tripped.
- Did you hit your head or anything?
- Oh, my gosh.
- No, no. No, no.
- Your hand, it's...
- It's fine, it's fine.
- Are you okay?
Uh, oh, no, darling, thank you.
- Hello.
- Hi.
Are you... are you sure
you're good?
I mean, I'm so sorry you fell.
Just came to see the view,
I mean...
Yeah, I'll...
I'll walk with you, Nonno.
- There's a good view this way. Come on.
- Huh? Okay.
Oh, my hat.
Oh, I'll get... Yeah. Oh.
Yeah.
- Here you go.
- Okay.
Uh, maybe I'll see you around.
- Yeah. Yeah, I'll... I'm just...
- Okay.
No, I'm fine. I'm fine.
- Gonna get a drink.
- Who's the girl?
Hi.
Right now?
Hey, where you going?
Oh, don't you want me
to wash up first?
I got swamp crotch.
Yeah.
God, he's always thinking of me.
Totally disregard
my text about the Ambien.
I have located my Ambien.
- Oh, my gosh! I'm so glad.
- Thank God.
'Cause we don't have any,
so I'm sorry about that.
Oh. Really? You guys
don't take sleeping pills?
No.
- Ever?
- Nope.
- You have trouble sleeping?
- Mm.
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.
Why?
Why can't you sleep?
Just, like work stuff?
Yeah, but also just...
I don't know, just
everything that's going on...
...in the world.
What do you mean?
What's going on?
Oh, I don't know. Just,
like, the end of the world.
- Oh. No, Harper!
- Oh, come on!
The world's not ending,
it's not that bad.
Honestly, Cam and I don't even
watch the news anymore.
Yeah.
- You don't follow the news?
- No.
- What?
- Like, I'm just so over
the whole news cycle, you know?
It's... it's like, gimme a break.
They're just trying
to freak everybody out.
Yeah. They're just polarizing
society by making us
glued to their apocalyptic
soap opera, you know?
- It's like...
- Yeah. And even if it was
as bad as they say it is,
- I mean what can you really do, you know?
- Right.
We vote, we donate money.
You can't obsess.
- Did you vote, babe? Be honest.
- I did.
Doesn't matter.
- I don't think you did.
- I think I did. I did.
I don't know.
Mm. Okay, so you guys
don't watch the news.
Um... What do you do,
like, all day?
Oh. Well, I mean,
I'm... I'm home with the kids.
- I mean, mostly. Yep.
- Oh, right. Of course. Right.
We do a lot of Dateline.
I love it.
Husbands murdering their wives.
Happens a lot on vacation.
Scuba diving.
He'll just unplug her oxygen
while she's underwater.
Happens more than you think.
Why... why are you looking at me?
Why are we all looking at you?
Yeah.
Cameron really likes
to watch macho reality TV.
The guys are really ugly.
Oh, my God. That sounds
so bad, but they are.
Honey, the people on Dateline
aren't exactly
attractive either.
At least
they're murdering each other.
What do you watch, Ethan?
Uh, what do we watch?
Like, documentaries.
Ted Lasso, sometimes.
- We love Ted Lasso.
- Love Ted Lasso. Gotta.
- Mm.
- Oh, you like it?
- Yeah, man.
- Yes, of course.
- So likable, right?
- Yeah.
- I don't watch Ted Lasso.
- No?
- Yeah, such a good guy.
- Yeah.
So much content now. It's like
there's billions of shows,
everyone's trying to keep up.
- It's kinda suffocating, honestly. Yeah.
- Too much.
It's too much.
It's like we're all
entertaining each other
while the world burns, right?
We're all just zombies, you
know, like...
Hmm.
I love a binge.
I don't. Yeah...
Anyway.
Okey do key. Well...
If I can't get a swim in,
I may as well get a tan, right?
Hey, you know you can
just borrow one of my suits.
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
I'd love a swim-in.
- That'd be great.
- Yeah?
Weren't you gonna go up to
get some sunscreen anyway?
- Oh, yeah.
- You could grab it for him.
Oh, yeah. I'll come up
with you actually,
'cause I gotta change
into it anyway.
- Another round of Spritzes, E?
- Sure, I'm on it!
Another round?
Yeah, he likes to order
'em before they're gone.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What are you...
What the fuck?
Oh, my God.
I... I... I must have
been disassociating.
I was seeing
all these faces of men
with these very
effeminate hairstyles.
And then...
I saw you,
and your eyes were
like shark eyes,
like just completely dead.
Just like, dead.
Well, you really know
how to pump a guy up.
Must've been the Bonine
that I took before the flight.
I didn't get to finish.
I need to take a breather.
Yeah?
You ate all
the macaroons, didn't you?
What macaroons?
How do you expect
to lose weight if you inhale
five macaroons
and not even remember?
There were only three.
There were five.
Did you drink
the champagne, too?
I think he put them in here.
Yeah.
- Oh, washing bag?
- Yes.
I know we don't know
each other that well,
but I really appreciate you
being here.
You know, it means a lot.
Ethan never really
brought around a lot of girls,
so I'm just so happy that he found someone.
I think it's great.
Well, thanks for inviting us.
Sure.
- It'll be fun.
- It will be.
- I'm gonna get the sunscreen.
- Yeah.
Hey.
- Hey!
- What do you think?
Little snug, right?
I think they're fine.
Yeah? Hmm.
Can't find the sunscreen.
You know what? They probably
have a bunch of that
by the pool.
- I'm gonna keep looking.
- Yeah.
- Hey, I'll see you down there.
- Hmm.
- Hi.
- Hey, um,
Nonno fell by the pool.
- What?
- He's fine. Um,
but I think he hit his head.
He could have a concussion.
I'm thinking someone
should sleep with him tonight.
- Keep an eye on him.
- Yeah. Good idea.
Um...
Uh, we'll put him in your room.
I got work stuff. L.A. will
still be up. I'm gonna be up
and around all night.
So let's just, uh...
We'll put him
in your room. Okay?
Okay.
- Anything else?
- No.
What do you say, dinner at 8:00?
- Yeah. Sure.
- All right.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Niente.
- Hmm?
- Mia.
No.
Good evening, Mr. and Mrs. Hunt.
- Ah, Mikael. This is my wife, Tanya.
- Welcome.
- Nice to meet you, Mrs. Tanya.
- Hi. Hi.
How are you today?
- I heard a lot about you.
- Oh.
Nice to meet you.
How was your day today?
Oh, it was a... it was a...
It was a good day.
- One sec.
- Did you watch the football today?
No, well, my country has
a whole different kind of football.
I told you to stay in the room.
I had to eat.
Oh, my God.
He's gonna flip the fuck out.
What are you... Shit!
Here. Hold that.
Anyway. Here she is.
- Sorry.
- Shall we go to the table?
- Yeah, why not? Let's eat.
- Please.
- Okay.
- I'll take you to the table.
- Follow me, please.
- Oh, my God.
- Thanks, I love it.
- I got it, I got it.
We just flew
all the way in from Los Angeles.
Just to be here in Sicily.
Because we are Sicilian.
Are you Sicilian?
- Yes, from Catania.
- Ah. Are you married?
Dad, why don't you let her
put our order in
so I can get a drink?
My son is a big muckity-muck
in Hollywood,
- so he's very impatient.
- I'll bring you your drinks.
- Thank you.
- Thanks. Sorry.
Thank you.
- Dad, you gotta knock it off.
- Oh. What's the problem?
What are you doing?
I mean, what's... the point?
Flirting is one
of the pleasures of life.
Do you actually think
you have a chance
with any of these women?
Oh, don't be rude.
I'm just saying,
you're 80 years old.
Well, I'm still a man.
And I get older and older,
but the women I desire
remain young.
Natural, right?
You can relate to that.
Can you still get...
- Or... Do you still get...
- What? Hard?
Erections?
Sure. Like that.
- Really?
- Albie.
Do you still, like, jerk off?
Doctors say you need
to release once a day...
- otherwise you get backed up.
- Wait a second.
Doctors say you need
to jerk off once a day?
- That's right. That's right.
- Which doctors say that?
You need to drain the sack.
- They say that?
- Mm-hmm.
Common knowledge.
God. It just seems like the body
would naturally stop
getting horny
once you're past the age
of procreation, you know?
Like at 50, you would just stop.
Fifty? Fifty's not that old.
- It just seems undignified.
- I'm still virile, by the way.
I could still impregnate
a woman.
- Oh.
- No girl
should have to be exposed
to an old guy's junk.
It's not like it was ever
so beautiful to look at anyway.
I mean, it's a penis.
It's not a sunset.
Hookers.
Really?
Oh, yeah.
Looks like a couple of locals.
Buona sera.
Come on, man.
You don't recognize a hooker?
So innocent, man.
Just like in college.
Ethan was the original incel.
What are you talking about?
No, I wasn't.
Yeah, you were.
Come on, man.
No, I'm... I'm kidding.
I'm kidding, man.
I'm joking, all right? Look,
you could have gotten laid.
- He's a handsome guy, right?
- Yeah.
Jesus Christ, look at you.
You're a handsome guy.
I'd do ya.
You're just such
a workhorse, man.
You never came out of your room.
Well, he's still like that.
Okay, I think we should
split the arugula salad
and the beet salad,
and then maybe get
the raviolo and the vitello.
I kinda wanted
to try the fish, but...
- The whitefish?
- Yeah.
Hmm.
No, I feel it'll be too fishy.
Okay.
I mean, it's whitefish,
it's pretty light.
It's not a very fishy fish.
Well, you can get it tomorrow.
We're gonna be here all week.
Okay. All right. Yeah.
Or we can have the whitefish.
Let's do it.
I just don't like it
when it's too fishy.
- Mm-hmm. Yeah, me too.
- Yeah, sure.
- Great.
- Great. It sounds good.
Let's do it.
- Neat.
- Wine, people?
Yes.
- What do we want?
- I like white.
Me too. I prefer white.
I don't know
what they're clapping for.
This singer's abominable.
Sounded okay to me.
Go to your room.
Go. Your room.
Your room.
You're not feeling sluggish
or not concentrating?
Head is fine.
And it's not gonna happen again.
It was a little fall, nothing.
You should sleep
with Albie anyway.
All right.
Hmm.
I was told that the cheese here
was made by a blind nun
in a basement.
Hey!
You know,
I... I think you're fine.
You... you didn't hit your head
that hard or... you know,
so, I should...
I'm just gonna go.
So, I'll see you in the morning.
- Good night.
- Good night, Nonno. Sleep well.
Buona sera.
Grazie.
Oh, grazie.
Hmm.
Hmm?
No. No, no, no, no.
Mm-hmm.
Hmm?
She was
definitely more talkative by the pool.
And at dinner,
she was actually kinda nice.
Well...
now that he's loaded,
do you think
he regrets marrying such a dud?
Cam, I wanna Face Time
them again.
- What?
- Please?
Honey, come on.
We just hung up.
I know, but I miss Emma so much.
I know.
Of course you do.
But that's not the point,
all right?
The point is...
we're in Italy, honey. Okay?
- Mm-Hmm.
- We're on vacation.
- Just you and me.
- Yeah.
- We need to enjoy it.
- Okay.
- Just me and my baby.
- Ooh.
- And you know what that means.
- What?
- You need something.
- Mm-hmm.
You need...
- A tickle attack.
- No!
No!
- Please! Stop!
- Tickle, tickle, tickle. I got you!
No, stop it!
Hey, hey!
Is he hurting her?
- No! No...
- Hey! Tickle attack!
Monkey man, monkey man!
No.
Thanks for making more
of an effort.
I mean, yeah, they kind
of live in a bubble, but...
they're fun, right?
They don't vote, Ethan.
I know. What the fuck?
They don't read the news.
They don't read.
It's like,
what do they even talk about?
Is that what happens
when you're rich for too long,
your brain just atrophies?
I mean, they seem happy.
No way. It's a front.
It's good to have, you know,
diverse friends, I guess.
Yeah, I think
we're their diverse friends.
Their
White-passing diverse friends.
Yeah, you're right.
When we came up here
to get the suit,
he just took all
of his clothes off
in the middle of the room.
Like, naked.
And then you...
Like, where were you?
In the bathroom.
Doesn't seem that weird.
Just getting changed.
Baby, come here!
Baby, come on.
No!
Wow.
All right, look.
Look. Listen,
I don't wanna fucking talk
about this right now, okay?
Yes, I'm going to. Yeah.
This is not the time.
Yes.
Fuck.
- Hi.
- Hey.
Who are you talking to?
It's work. It's Bob.
Oh, Bob. Well,
why were you whispering?
I... I thought you were trying
to get ready for bed.
Oh, well. Guess what?
- Huh?
- Look what I found.
- Oh, okay.
- Two macaroons!
- Yeah, great.
- Yeah.
I really did only eat three.
Oh. Well, great.
You had a whole
panna cotta at dinner.
Well, eat them,
'cause you wanted 'em.
I don't want them now.
Why? Yeah, take them,
they're good.
Tanya, I just brushed my teeth.
I'm on the phone.
Uh, Bob, I gotta go...
- Here you go.
- Thank you.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
I went down to the dock
when your boat arrived.
I wanted to see
what you looked like.
What'd you think?
Very handsome.
Thank you.
And you're from Los Angeles.
It's amazing. I always dreamt
of going to Los Angeles.
It is my dream.
Uh, I mean...
You should go.
I don't have the money.
You seem like
a very nice person. Um...
I'm just going through a lot
right now in my life.
So, it's... it's, um...
hard for me
to make conversation right now.
But you are very,
uh, beautiful.
I'm glad you're here.
All or a...