The West Wing (1999–2006): Season 4, Episode 20 - Evidence of Things Not Seen - full transcript
Trying to participate in a late-night staff poker game proves difficult as news arrives that an unmanned U.S. spy plane has crashed in a remote part of Russia, and Bartlet and Leo have to deal with an incensed Russian President Chagorin and convince him via phone to let the military go in and recover the plane; C.J. obsesses over the fact that on the exact moment of the spring equinox (today), you can stand an egg on end; Toby and Will have a card-flipping contest in the press room, during which someone from the street fires several bullets into the room; Debbie must "crash" the West Wing for the first time when the bullets fly; at the same time, Josh is interviewing associate counsel applicant Joe Quincy, and there's something about the well-qualified lawyer that bothers Josh, which he deduces during the lock down.
Zoey is here. She's starting Georgetown
in the spring.
How would you feel
about my going on a date with Zoey?
- Stop pursuing me.
- Respectfully, no.
- She likes having her picture taken.
- She doesn't like it.
She doesn't mind having it taken
He may be good-looking and rich
and well-schooled and French royalty...
...and live basically in a castle, but...
At the exact moment of the equinox.
- Doesn't work.
- It does work. It has to be...
...the exact moment.
- Doesn't work.
- I've seen it.
- I tried it. It doesn't work.
- You didn't do it at the exact moment.
- I did.
- Last September.
- That was the autumnal equinox.
- It only works for the vernal equinox?
- What's more likely?
- It doesn't work?
It does. I've seen it.
We've got pastrami from Krupin's.
It's tissue-paper thin.
Roast beef, corned beef, turkey, Russian
dressing, coleslaw and seedless rye.
And winning the money
of your coworkers.
This is what I call a night off.
Squeeze this piece of rye bread.
Now what do I do?
- Excuse me, Leo?
Something true at vernal equinox
would also be true...
...at the autumnal equinox.
"Equinox" means"equal night."
Night and day are 12 hours long.
What does that have to do with it?
It doesn't work. I tried it.
- Listen, a guy...
- Hang on.
- C.J. believes that at the vernal equinox...
- And only at that moment.
You can stand an egg.
At the equinox,
you can stand an egg on end.
- Doesn't work.
- You tried it?
I don't need to.
You can't stand an egg on end.
The elements involved with creating
an equinox have no connection...
...to the center of gravity.
- I've seen it.
I've seen guys make the ace jump
out of their shoes.
- I don't think it was the equinox.
Counsel's office wants to know if you
can meet with a candidate tonight.
- So can I take your seat?
- I miss Ainsley.
That's what the Counsel's
office should get.
Another Ainsley. A sexy conservative
with first-rate law credentials...
...and a strange name.
- So can I take your seat?
- Who else is playing this game?
- Anyone with currency.
Let me in the game, sir, I beg of you.
Why are you so eager to get
in this game?
I enjoy poker, and your card skills are
well-known around the building...
...and frankly, I wanted to learn.
I enjoy poker.
This is a cash game, Debbie.
These are hard-working people blowing
off steam and taking each other off coin.
We don't play for matchsticks, we don't
play... Okay, can I ask you something?
I forgot to have Charlie draw cash
for me. Could you float me a little...?
I can play?
C.J. swears that on the equinox, which
is today, you can stand an egg on end.
- Thank you, Mr. President.
- You can play.
Thank you, sir.
- We just lost an unmanned spy plane.
It was a Predator B UAV,
12 miles off Kaliningrad.
It's controlled by satellite, which can't
always adjust to weather changes...
...and this one veered off course
and crashed inland.
That's why these are unmanned, right?
All we lost was money?
Aren't they saying detonate the plane?
The plane was taking pictures of illegal
nuclear transfers in the region.
We need the intelligence. They
don't think we'll get it again.
What do they want, me to call Chigorin,
ask if we can get our spy plane back?
Yes, sir. Except you can't say
They want me to call Chigorin?
- And ask him for the plane back...
...without telling him we were spying?
State and the Pentagon have some ideas
on how you might try that.
- Do they?
- In the meantime, sir...
...you wanna play some cards?
- Hang on.
Yeah, this isn't gonna work.
- You're fine?
- I am.
- Fifty dollars.
- I'm out.
Nothing like the mounting tension
of a well-contested hand.
You were full of crap.
You had jack-high or something?
I'll tell you, but it's gonna cost you 50.
Hi. Good evening, Mr. President.
- Did you get the eggs?
Hang on. Will, why are you dressed
like an officer in the Air Force?
I'm an officer in the Force.
- A reservist?
- Yes, sir.
- I didn't know. Did you?
- He's First Lieutenant Will.
I had no idea. What do you do?
- I work with JAG.
- This is your weekend up?
- Yes, sir.
- Good for you. Where are you stationed?
I'm stationed at Air Force
Legal Services Agency...
...at Bolling Air Force Base.
Tonight I'm going to Cheyenne.
- Mr. President?
- They ready?
No, sir. Leo wanted you a moment.
Play my seat.
- Are we getting somewhere?
- Oh, yeah.
You know, there was a thought
that since Kaliningrad's...
...the only noncontiguous Russian state,
you can make like you were just...
...informing Chigorin of a rescue mission
that barely concerned him.
And what do I do when Chigorin tells me
Hawaii's not really a part of America...
...and he wants to change
the alphabet to Cyrillic?
Seymour, what does he do?
- What the hell.
- Would you please.
I'm not gonna have you tell Chigorin
that Kaliningrad's not part of Russia.
What area are we trolling in?
- What area?
We weren't spying on Russia.
We were spying for Russia.
- We were spying for him.
- Yes, sir.
Okay. This phone call that you're
gonna set up with Chigorin...
...it's, like, for a White House
bloopers reel or something?
- Just give us a couple of minutes.
- All right.
- Two things I want to put on your radar.
There was a bombing at a nightclub
in Kuala Lumpur.
And they've got a suspect in Berlin
who was trying to explode a device...
...at the Brandenburg Gate.
Are the two related?
I don't know, but there were two,
so I wanted to tell you about it.
- I'm out.
Make her prove it, Toby. Show her
there are no free lunches in a game.
Straight to the king.
Sorry about that. I'll get her for you.
Here's an extra card.
That's the joker.
Oh, my God! Did you see that?
Did you guys see that?
We're not gonna need
that three of clubs?
At the podium in the pressroom,
I hit the fifth row.
I don't believe that's true.
- It's a myth.
Well, there are 52 cards in this deck...
- Fifty-one. The three...
- Dollar a card?
Sit down and play. I'm dealing.
- Excuse me, Josh?
The guy's in the Roosevelt Room.
- Which guy?
- For the Associate Counsel job.
Deal me out for three hands.
- Can I say something?
This guy? Some would
consider him handsome.
I don't, personally, because you're
the only one I think is handsome.
But for the sake of appearances,
so people wouldn't suspect...
...I'd pretend I thought this guy was
handsome if you hired him.
Of course, all along it'd be a lie
because of how handsome you are.
Your sense of humor is
a bit of a high-wire act.
- You're trying to thread the needle.
- And half of it you don't get.
Give me that.
- Excuse me?
- Are you Hector?
- No, I'm Joe Quincy.
Can I just ask, are you saying it's
Hector who's good-looking or...?
- This guy. This guy.
- But not really, because it's only you...
- Yeah, yeah.
- Excuse me. Joseph.
- Josh Lyman.
- Joseph Quincy.
- No, do you like to be called Joe?
Were you saying yes to that
the first time?
Yes. Joe is fine.
It's what people call me.
It's funny. It's what I was just saying.
The person who created the job opening,
her name was Ainsley Hayes...
...and she was a very
And I was saying we needed another
woman with an unusual name...
...and here you're a man,
and your name is Joe.
You've gotta be asking yourself
why I told you that story.
- You have a joint JD/MBA.
What's a staff attorney do at the NYC
Department of Transportation?
- Defend the city against civil claims.
- Slipping in the subway?
- Slipping in the subway.
- Banging your head on a turnstile?
After a JD/MBA from Cal?
I wanted to get trial experience
Then associate counsel at Treasury...
...then the solicitor general's office.
Why did you leave the office?
You appointed a new solicitor general.
- You weren't a political appointee?
- I answered a call from a headhunter.
I'm surprised we haven't met.
- Excuse me.
- I'll be back in a second.
You forgot to sign the bottom
of the questionnaire, the SF-86.
Gotta sign your name.
If the president says yes, we're gonna
set up the call in about 10 minutes.
- What do we have?
- All right.
Best-case scenario is he lets our guys go
and get it untouched by Russian hands.
"But President Bartlet, we have
a terrific search-and-recovery team.
We'll go get that plane for you."
I appreciate the offer...
...but our UAVs have
...and only our folks know
how to make it deoperational."
"Our folks." You really think I'd use
those words with the Russian president?
Say,"Sir, this UAV has proprietary
American technology on it...
...made by one of our leading aerospace
companies. We have to protect that."
"Much as I have to
...which brings us to the question: What
the hell were you doing flying over it?"
- It had a multiple mission.
- Did it?
- Exactly for this purpose.
- What was the other mission?
Taking satellite pictures
of coastal erosion in the Baltic Sea.
I tell him it was
an environmental mission.
It was an environmental mission.
And he's not gonna want to take
pictures of erosion at Coney Island?
No. The Baltic Sea's shared by Sweden,
Finland and Germany.
We were on an environmental
mission for Finland?
That's what we've come up with?
It's what we're starting with.
We'll see how it goes.
Set up the call.
- Sorry about that.
- That's Teddy Roosevelt's Nobel Prize.
Don't forget to sign this thing.
- They just had a whole...
I'm sorry, tell me again why you left
the solicitor's office?
- Lawrence Harmon brought in...
- He brought in new staff.
- You've talked with Wells?
- Oliver Babish?
- Met for a few hours...
...the day before yesterday
and for 45 minutes this morning.
They made you fill out
the psychological part.
- Question one,"A, I do not feel sad.
B, I feel sad. C, I am sad all
the time, and I can't snap out of it.
D, I am so sad or unhappy
that I want to kill myself."
You chose A,"I do not feel sad."
-"No," you don't ever feel sad or"no"...?
- No, there are times when I feel sad.
Yet you checked the first box?
It said,"I do not feel sad,"
and I didn't at the time I checked it.
This'll just take another minute or so.
- Dollar for every card that hits fifth row?
- Locking the door. There's press around.
Five dollars if you hit the sixth.
There's a spot where the temperature
is the same as it would be...
...if you drilled through the Earth.
No, there isn't. How about $6...
...if you use a face card?
- Yes, there is, the antipode.
If that's true, why can't it be that you
can stand an egg on end at the equinox?
Because you can't, ever.
And I say that neither of you
can hit the fifth row.
- At the same time?
- On three.
- Down. Get down.
- Somebody's shooting!
Stay down. Stay still.
- Is everybody all right? Ms. Cregg?
- We're all right.
Three shots, one hit.
Straight from the sidewalk.
- Is the president in the Oval Office?
- You need to wait outside.
- He's on?
- Yes, sir.
Mr. President, this is President Bartlet.
- Mr. President.
- Step away from the window.
Okay, I'm gonna have to call you back.
Back away, sir.
- Oval's secure.
- Bamboo Shoot's ready.
Bamboo. They want
me into the motorcade.
- What's going on?
- You're all right?
- I'm all right.
- These people are code word.
- I was on the phone.
- The translator.
- He's got clearance.
- Three shots were fired from the street...
...at least one hitting
the press briefing room.
We've got the suspect
as well as a high-powered rifle.
- Was anyone in the room?
- C.J., Toby and Will Bailey.
- Where are they?
- They're fine. You've gotta stay.
- Nobody was hurt?
- They're fine.
- You all right? What about you?
- We're fine.
- Will, how many fingers am I holding up?
- Who's Will, sir?
I don't know if you've met Ron,
head of my detail.
- Lieutenant Bailey...
...glad to see you alive, but it's code
clearance. I need you out of earshot.
- Yes, sir.
- Where's Charlie?
- He's in the building.
- We're holding people now.
If he's heard, he's gonna
be trying to get here.
We've gotta hold everybody
so we can...
If Charlie heard there were bullets,
he's gonna overpower whoever's trying...
Sorry, Mr. President.
It's bulletproof glass
in the windows, okay?
You wanna kill me, you're gonna
have to do it from inside the building.
Thank you, Mr. President.
- You guys all right?
I'm surprised your guys managed to keep
Fiderer. I thought she'd be the first one...
- No, here we are.
- Are you all right, Mr. President?
No one was hurt. Someone shot
at the pressroom from the sidewalk.
- C.J. went there with Toby and Will.
- Will's sitting outside...
...and Toby and C.J. are standing
- Ron, someone's gonna report this.
- Yes, ma'am.
Thank you. I'm gonna need to take
your blood pressure in a few minutes.
Ron, there were two incidents
of terrorist activity earlier today.
A bomb in Malaysia
and another in Berlin.
This is just a crazy guy, Leo.
There was just a third
on the phone in Guam.
The head of insular affairs
was picked off...
- Come on.
- By a sniper, Mr. President.
Shut it down. Crash it!
- Crash the building.
- We're crashed.
This is the Oval Office.
Crash the West Wing.
Crash the West Wing.
The man fired several rounds
before being overtaken...
... by Secret Service agents
and Park Police.
Witnesses say the shooter
never entered the grounds...
... but one bullet appears to have struck
the window of a White House office.
All right, then, here it is:
"An indeterminate number of shots
were fired at the White House at..."
I said I thought it was three shots,
but I want for the agents to...
Okay."At 9:23 p.m.,
striking the press briefing room."
The weapon was a modified M16.
We haven't confirmed ballistics. Tell your
friends to stop saying it was an M16.
-No confirmed reports, identity...
- All right.
The president was in the Oval Office.
We've initiated a standard lockdown...
...and are back to conducting
the business of the nation.
I'll ask him.
He wants to know if the president
wants to say something funny.
"That's twice in four years. Some of you
guys must really be mad at me"?
Something funnier than that, but yeah.
You're getting to see a show tonight.
- Everything all right?
- What happened?
- A guy shot at the building...
...a couple of times with a rifle.
- Somebody shot the White House?
- From where?
- The street. Pennsylvania Avenue.
Is anyone hurt?
Was anyone hurt?
No, but we're in a crash, a lockdown.
- They're not gonna let you leave.
- I heard.
You know, I thought I heard
what sounded like gunshots...
...while we were talking before,
but I didn't...
Did you hear the shots?
No, but I heard a brass quintet
playing"The First Noel"...
...so I just assumed somebody
somewhere was locked and loaded.
You know, not for nothing, but people
that I talk to don't believe that story...
...and the people that you'd like
They told me you're just here tonight.
Have to catch a plane?
The shuttle. I'll get the next one.
Does this happen often?
Well, we don't know what this is yet.
We know that somebody shot
at the building, though, right?
Yeah... No, that's the first time
it's happened to us, anyway.
- They have a suspect?
- Is he white?
- I don't know.
Do they suspect terrorism?
Well, he was shooting a modified M16.
It was terrorism.
I meant terrorism directed at...
- National terrorism.
- He shot at the White House.
- I think you know what I mean.
- I have no idea why he shot at us...
...nor, for that matter, do I have
any reason to believe it was a he.
- That's my assistant, Donna.
- Yeah, we met before.
Excuse me a second.
- What's going on?
- You were in the mess?
They kept me until now.
C.J. 's all right?
- Where were you?
- I was in here.
- You want anything?
- I'm gonna get you some water.
- I'm all right.
So, what do you think of this guy?
- I haven't been talking to him that long.
I'm gonna... I'll be around here.
He's well-qualified, that's for sure.
He's personable, and he's confident.
It's the strangest feeling.
It's like a really good baseball player...
...is in the other team's locker room
for the first time.
You're the baseball player?
- He's the player.
- In the other guy's locker room?
I don't understand, are you writing
poetry about this now?
- You asked me what I thought of him.
- I know.
Can I say something?
Can I call Keyworth and tell him
you're gonna be calling?
I'm fine. I was in here.
I didn't even see it.
I'm not going anywhere.
- What were we talking about?
- You don't have info about the suspect.
I got a letter today that said:
"You're a lying liar.
You lie almost as well as Barflet."
You know, black-white, rich-poor,
...there may not be anything that
outpaces the hatred...
...the Right feels for the Left or the
disrespect the Left feels for the Right.
Donna got a letter yesterday that said:
"I'm collecting guns you've banned, and
there's a bullet with your name in each."
Donna. The guy's decided
to focus his wrath on Donna.
He's never met Donna or spoken to her,
and he's never met anyone...
...who's met Donna or spoken to her.
How is it possible, right?
How is it possible that
he hates her so much?
How can you not like Donna?
She's from Wisconsin.
Anyway, 20,000 specific threats are
made against U.S. targets every year.
And with all that...
...it's the ones who don't give you
advance notice that you're worried about.
I asked about terrorism before
because of the lockdown.
Procedurally, it would
be the thing to do...
...if there'd been other incidents
in the last few hours.
A bomb in Malaysia,
another one in Berlin a few hours ago.
We might as well use this time
for the interview.
White House Press Secretary
C.J. Cregg said...
... an indeterminate number of shots
were fired at the White House...
... at 9:23 p.m., and that at least...
You can stand eggs on the equinox
because the sun's gravity...
...is lined up with the Earth's.
Draw a line from the center
of the Earth to the sun...
...and at any time, someplace
on Earth is on that line.
- Then maybe for us...
- Try. Take an egg. Doesn't work.
- It's not the...
- Exact moment of...
- What is the exact moment?
- I don't know, midnight?
- Midnight where?
Maybe it isn't the moment
of the equinox.
Maybe it's at some point
during the equinox, but I've seen it.
- Are we playing again?
- I'll get Ed and Larry.
- Would you tell Josh we're back on?
- Yes, sir.
Did you know a day on the moon and
a year on the moon are the same thing?
I thought my reflexes, before,
in the press room, were catlike.
The Sit Room watch officer
has the Kremlin.
You guys playing again?
Yeah, the game started up.
it's Jed Bartlet again.
I'm sorry about being abrupt before,
but I'll bet...
...if you turn on CNN right now,
My goodness, there was a shooting.
There you go. It's not a big deal,
but they've shut us down for a little bit.
Well, I'm glad no one was hurt.
By the way, you know, when they crash
the building, they don't crash all of it.
The Situation Room still works.
Yes, sir, I'm sure.
Mr. President, a little while ago,
an unmanned B UAV drone crashed...
...we think, somewhere inside
Kaliningrad, as a matter of fact.
Apparently they don't respond,
you know, quite the way you'd like...
...when there's a sudden shift
in the weather.
Mr. President, I wasn't told
of a military mission over Kaliningrad.
Well, like I say, it was a UAV,
it was taking satellite pictures...
...of coastal erosion in the Baltic Sea.
The Finns know about this.
We'd like to send
a special operations team...
...10 kilometers west of Borsakova
to retrieve it.
Well, Mr. President, like yourself,
I campaigned on the environment.
I'm sorry, sir?
I campaigned on the environment, sir.
- Are you getting that translation right?
- Yes, sir.
You campaigned on the environment,
Coastal erosion in the Baltic Sea.
I'll take a look at those pictures
and send them to you with your UAV.
Well, the problem is, our UAVs have
a self-detonating capability...
...and our people know
how to disarm it.
And I wouldn't want
to put your guys at risk.
Well, given the circumstances...
...I'm sure your experts
...talking through the steps
with our experts.
It's proprietary technology, Peter.
To view coastal erosion?
- I know it seems...
- Sir, I'm going to interrupt at this time...
...to speak with my
- Yes, Mr. President.
- Thank you, sir.
This isn't working anymore.
- Anything wild?
- Just the dealer.
Four, no help. Six, possible straight.
Heart, possible flush. Jack, no help.
And the Dave of Love
for a pair of tens. Tens bet.
You're particularly upbeat for someone
who's been shot at twice in four years.
Am I? That's because I've got
faith there, mi compadre.
- The substance of things hoped for...
...and the evidence of things not seen.
Yeah, but I think what he's asking...
I think what he's asking is why
on most other nights...
...do you think the world's going
to hell, but tonight...?
We dip twice, eat gefilte fish?
Susie Cream Cheese,
do not attempt the Haggadah.
I know how to bless the soup too.
I'll raise your raise.
- It's just the two of us.
- Faith in what?
- In us.
- The people in this room?
- And many, many, many others.
- Will, you missing your plane?
- Not yet.
A military flight,
doesn't leave till 12:30.
- What's in Cheyenne?
- A number of us are being sent...
something that happened.
It sounds worse when you say it,
because it makes people kind of nervous.
Two guys failed to follow through
on an order to fire their rockets...
...at what was thought to be an incoming
ballistic missile from North Korea.
Turns out it was good they didn't,
because the missile was a meteor.
And rather than being from North Korea,
it was from, you know...
- Outer space.
What the hell happened?
Two launch-crew officers in Minuteman
Three silos picked up a signal...
...of an incoming projectile,
the speed, arc and trajectory of which...
...suggested it was headed
to New London, Connecticut.
- From North Korea?
Why do we think, at this point,
North Korea is attacking the East Coast?
There are transcripts from the silo that
show surprise was expressed at that.
- I would think.
- The base was at DEFCON Delta...
...so the launch crew initiated
response code Orion...
...which calls for the first in a series
of steps to arm their 50 Minutemen.
- What's in New London?
The nuclear submarines.
Fifty Minutemen they're arming, and is
anyone saying this doesn't make sense?
Two guys in the silo. The launch
sequence went on for two minutes...
...before they had confirmation
it was a meteor.
But the guys were debating with launch
control and the operations center...
...and that gets sticky. This is missile
defense, this stuff has to work.
And they're sending in a team
of lawyers to look into it.
Yeah, but we're scrappy.
A meteor fell, the result being
two guys are gonna get court-martialed.
The only two guys who apparently
thought it was strange...
...that North Korea would attack
submarines in Connecticut...
...instead of, say, San Diego or Hawaii.
And if it had been a real attack...
...would they still have been doing
point-counterpoint with NORAD?
We failed both on a mechanical
and human level.
- So tell me again what you have faith in.
- With what little time he has...
...Will is going to defend these guys. I
don't think it is failing on a human level.
I've got ace-high flush.
Give me your money.
I've got 10s full of queens,
give me yours.
- Who's out there?
- Oh, hey.
Just stepping outside for some air.
- They just let me in.
- Everything's fine.
- I wanted to check. I was gonna call you.
- Were you?
- You wanted to get together?
- To make sure you were alive.
- Well, that's a step in my direction.
- You wanna come inside for a minute?
- I have to study.
One of my finals is tomorrow.
- Can you believe you're graduating?
- I can't.
- That went fast.
- It really did.
Is Chef Boyardee around?
- Why do you have to do that?
- I was asking.
- We were having a nice...
- When tonight we should be thinking...
- How's tonight different?
You were shot at.
- Well, not me, but all the more reason...
- I'm going to France for three months.
- After graduation.
- For three months?
- For three months?
- It's 12 weeks.
- When did you come up with this?
- He asked me a few days ago.
His family has a farmhouse
in a vineyard near Avignon.
No press, no politics.
It's what I want to do.
It's great. I just don't know
why you're doing it with him.
I don't know why you have to...
You've been out with plenty of women
since we broke up...
- I have not.
- You don't think I know?
Every college student wants to tell me
something I don't know.
- And every time, I've been supportive.
- Supportive how?
- I didn't even know you knew.
- That's how.
Hey, you just told me. I'm not
the one using the student bodies...
...of GW, Georgetown and AU
as intelligence-gathering sources.
And UVA and Johns Hopkins, pal.
You're easy to spot.
- People like giving me information.
- What do you want me to do?
- I want you to not go to France.
Why don't you like him?
It's been four years
in the White House.
Another being the daughter
of a candidate.
Eight years as governor.
My grades get printed in the paper.
My boyfriends are in the paper.
I live and die with my parents'
successes and failures.
And so do you.
Sometimes even more than me.
And Jean Paul doesn't.
He's happy. He's just happy.
That's because he's got $500 million
and no conscience.
No, it isn't.
He cares about things,
and one of them is me.
And none of them are this,
and that's appealing to me right now.
Yeah, I can understand that.
I gotta go study.
- Sorry you got shot at again.
- Mr. President...
- Unless there was a typhoon...
- I understand. I meant...
He's yelling at me pretty loud now.
I wasn't referring to the change
in weather, sir.
The National Radar Center does not find
any UAVs in the area you discussed.
It's Leo again. The UAVs are designed
to fly below military radar...
...simply because the closer we get,
the better the pictures.
I understand. Now, what were you
taking pictures of?
- Coastal erosion in the Baltic...
- There is simply no way...
...an American UAV...
...could have been near the Finnish...
- Yelling at Leo.
...part of the Baltic...
...and end up crashing in Kaliningrad...
...unless there was a typhoon.
- Now, are you telling me...?
We have experts too...
...and an S-and-R team is looking
for the UAV.
- Don't do that.
- You shouldn't do that.
We weren't flying in your airspace.
Kaliningrad is in my airspace, Leo...
...and an S-and-R team has been sent
10 kilometers west...
...to see if they can help find it.
They're gonna see it. In five minutes,
I'm telling the president to blow it up.
We were taking pictures of Kaliningrad.
- Say that again, please.
- We were taking pictures of Kaliningrad.
We take pictures of black-market
...being moved out the back doors
of depositories and into trucks.
The materials are being sold
to nongovernmental elements...
...and, well, that's
what we were doing.
Rogue engineers, unemployed
military scientists, ex-KGB...
...it's just as big a problem
for you as it is for us...
...but you're not dealing with it, so
we were taking pictures of Kaliningrad.
We're gonna have to trust each other
a little, Peter.
So we're gonna share the pictures,
not the technology we used to get them.
Otherwise I'm detonating it,
and neither of us see the pictures.
We're gonna have to trust each other.
Our countries have stopped the world
from annihilating itself for 60 years...
...because of conversations
like this one.
Why don't you talk it over.
I'd have said,"We weren't spying on
you, we were spying for you," but...
If he calls back, we'll have a deal. In the
meantime, one hand. Bring your wallet.
- Did you just come by to look at him?
I just wanted to let you know Stanley's
on his cell if you want to talk.
- You called?
- To tell him what happened...
...and you might call.
- I told you I wasn't.
- I thought you might change your mind.
- I didn't. I'm telling you...
...there's something. A guy this qualified,
I'd know him. Something's wrong.
I just figured out what.
Come in and say hi.
- You've already met Donna.
- How are you?
- Enjoying your lockdown?
- It's a thorough interview.
We talked about his name
and New York City...
...Department of Transportation.
And then we talked about inner cities...
...and jobs and minimum wage
and public schools and foreign aid.
Hitting all the Democrat G-spots.
And it wasn't until now...
...that I realized there was something
I forgot. Are you a registered Democrat?
- You're a registered Independent?
- Are you registered?
- You're a Republican.
Joe, it's fine.
Ainsley Hayes was a Republican.
- It is not fine.
- Why not?
If you're a Republican, you damn well
better look like Ainsley Hayes.
He will to others.
You don't want a job with your party?
- I do, I just can't.
I'm in the doghouse with people
at the National Committee.
- A memo...
...that I wrote
for the solicitor general...
...arguing the Supreme Court
should uphold regulations...
...that limit soft money
to political campaigns.
That kind of thing's gotta wind you up
in GOP jail for the same amount of time...
As a Democrat who speaks out
Why work here?
Why not the private sector?
I'm on my way to New York.
- Have something lined up?
- Final interview, Debevoise & Plimpton.
- My father's firm. He was a partner.
- I know.
They're gonna offer you $225,000
a year. Is this your fallback?
They're my fallback.
Why do you wanna work here?
I like public service. I wanna serve.
You guys are the only ones left.
Why haven't you signed
Because I can't.
- You lied on it?
- Which question?
"Have you ever done anything that
would reflect poorly on the president?"
- What did you do?
- I didn't vote for him.
That's really very sweet.
Not to me.
- You really wanna work with us?
You know we got shot at tonight,
on a Friday.
I'm recommending you to Leo.
- Last card for the players.
- Hurry, they're gonna call us back.
- Debbie, do something.
- Fifty dollars.
- Is the pastrami from Krupin's?
- Tissue-paper thin?
- Mr. President.
- Damn it.
- Yes, sir. They're ready for you.
Okay, I've searched"equinox" and
"egg." The news isn't good for believers.
What sites did they send you to?
- Thingsthatarewrong. Com.
- There's no such site.
"This has to be the silliest misconception
around, and it never seems to die."
They also send you to The Apocryphal
Zone and Project ASTRO UTAH.
- There's no website supporting it?
You gotta ask yourself,
if no one on the Internet...
...wants a piece of this, just how far
from the pack have you strayed?
I could have sworn I saw it.
- Oh, now you think you saw it.
- I could have sworn.
We're back up, everybody. Thank you.
- What's the deal with the guy?
- He was by himself.
- He's not connected to anything?
Just a troubled guy. He was attempting
what's called"suicide by cop."
He wanted the first agents
at the scene to shoot him.
Anyway, thank you
for your cooperation.
I'm heading to Andrews.
- Have a safe flight.
- I'm cashed out, anyone need a ride?
I'm going home.
- Headed home?
- In just a minute.
I'm gonna let them know outside
that they lifted the crash.
See you in the morning.
Hey, you guys?