The West Wing (1999–2006): Season 1, Episode 8 - Enemies - full transcript

Previously on The West Wing:

C.J., I've got my own press secretary.

When she tells you something,
it's from this office.

Where do you get the authority
to direct me to the men's room?

- Bring Sam Seaborn.
- Sam has enough without a booty call.

It's not a booty call.

- Do you flirt with me to get a story?
- I'm doing it to flirt with you.

Jenny's asking for a divorce.

- You're kidding me.
- No.

Yellowstone was the nation's
first national park. March 1, 1872.

It's getting late. Are we through?



We're through with work.
But this part's fun.

- Which part?
- Where I get to teach you something.

- You're not tired?
- No.

- Perhaps if you got into bed...
- I'm a national park buff, Josh.

- I'm sorry?
- I'm a national park buff.

- I bet you didn't know that about me.
- I didn't, but I'm not surprised.

- Why is that?
- You're quite a nerd, Mr. President.

- Really?
- Yes, sir.

- That was said with respect?
- Yes, sir.

Is it nerd-like to know
Everglades National Park is...

...the largest subtropical wilderness
in the U.S. and has mangrove forests?

- Just a little.
- There are 54 national parks.

- You've been to all of them?
- I have. I should show you my slides.

- Would you?
- Grand Canyon...



...Bryce Canyon, Badlands. Capitol
Reef, Acadia, often overlooked.

Feel free to keep talking,
but I need to go...

...so I can be in my office
in four hours.

- Dry Tortugas?
- I can't go until you give permission.

Petrified Forest, Cascades, Joshua
Tree. Shenandoah, here in Virginia!

We should organize
a staff field trip to Shenandoah.

I could be the guide.
What do you think?

- A good place to dump your body.
- What was that?

- Did I say that out loud?
- And I was gonna let you go home.

- But instead?
- We're gonna talk about Yosemite.

Thank you.
- Thanks, Tony.

Let me pay.
- No.

I said I was taking you out.

- But this is my hotel, Mallory.
- Dad.

- How much is a cup of coffee here?
- $6.50.

- You want to pay the check?
- No.

- $6.50?
- Yes.

- You haven't told me about your mom.
- Dad.

- Leo?
- Congressman Skinner.

- You know my daughter?
- How are you?

- Good to see you.
- Congrats.

- To all of us.
- Right.

The banking bill's gonna pass?
Congratulations.

Thank you. You haven't
told me about your mother.

- What do you want to know?
- Is she...?

I don't know. Tell me anything.

- You could call and ask how she is.
- Or I could just ask you.

- But asking me won't do any good.
- I'm getting that impression.

- What's that?
- Opera tickets. It's our subscription.

- Mom doesn't want them?
- No.

- Did you ask her?
- Yes.

While you were asking that,
you couldn't ask how she's doing?

I had a chance to give you up
for adoption.

Too late.

- Why can't you say congratulations?
- On the banking bill? I did.

- You were smirking, rolling your eyes.
- I was doing neither.

- You were doing it with your voice.
- Father, you've gone 'round the bend.

- Want the tickets?
- Yes.

You wanna walk me back to work?

Sure.

Till 2 a.m.?
- Yes.

- Talking about national parks?
- The president was talking.

- We beat the banking lobby!
- It'll pass?

We beat them.

- You're confident?
- Yes.

Did you and Josh talk
till 2 a.m. about parks?

- Everglades Park...
- Mr. President.

- I've got to take this so I can gloat.
- Enjoy yourself.

- Talk about this today. This is it!
- Yes, sir.

By the way, the California live oak...

- Mr. President.
- Right.

- Have a good day.
- Twelfth-round knockout, C.J.!

Good morning.
Good morning, Mr. Vice President.

Let's take our seats. President's gonna
be late, and he wanted me to start.

I welcome you to our third cabinet
meeting. Our first in six months.

The president would want me
to point out...

...these meetings offer a chance
to come together, exchange ideas...

...and discuss our goals
for the future.

Surely our first goal has to be
finding a way to work with Congress.

We need to reach out
to the House and to...

Morning, Mr. President.
Mr. President.

This is the saddest-looking cabinet...
Look at this.

I have an agriculture secretary
who's never eaten a vegetable.

Sit down. You're freaking me out.
Morning, Leo.

Good morning, sir.

- Are you taking minutes?
- Yes, sir.

What's your name?

- Mildred, sir.
- I'm the president. What'd I miss?

The vice president.
"President's gonna be late... "

Would you skip down?

"The president would want me to point
out these meetings are a chance... "

Actually, I find these meetings
to be mind-numbing...

...but Leo tells me they're required,
so let's get it over with.

"Our first goal is finding
a way to work with Congress. "

- Who said that?
- I did.

Our first goal should be finding
a way to work with Congress?

Yes, sir.

You don't think our first goal is to
find a way to best serve the people?

I didn't say that.

Really? Let's have a look.

That's what it says here.
Want Mildred to read it again?

- No. Thank you, sir.
- Okay.

- Anything else?
- No, sir.

Good.
Now, let's get to work.

- It's good. It's a little flat.
- Yeah. I think so too.

- My writing's been flat lately.
- It's not you, it's me.

- You did the best you could.
- What do you mean?

- You reached your potential.
- I can do better.

- I can too.
- You saying I can't?

I'm saying you're fine and I'm flat.

- What is it?
We can't find our talent.

Heard anything
about the banking bill?

- What do you mean?
- I'm hearing some stuff.

- We're fine.
- You sure?

- I'm having lunch with Crane.
- When?

Lunchtime.

- I shouldn't be nervous?
- No.

Okay.

- It couldn't have gone far, right?
- No.

Somewhere in this building
is our talent.

Yes.

C.J.
- Danny.

- How are you?
- How is it my staff lets you in?

- They like me.
- They're supposed to like me.

- What do you need?
- The president roughed up Hoynes.

- From who?
- Whom.

- Where'd you hear it?
- Got 50 cents?

Read about it in my paper.
Want to have dinner?

- No. Tell me more.
- Did it happen?

- On the record? Absolutely not.
- Off the record?

- What else is new?
- I thought so. Have dinner with me.

I'm good-looking. People don't notice
right away. I like seafood.

Danny.

I'm a good conversationalist
and good at kayaking.

- I can't.
- I can teach you.

No, you idiot,
I mean I can't have dinner.

Okay.

Yesterday at 10:00,
these two guys, as a joke...

...posted false information
about a tiny start-up company...

...and its stock shot up.

By 2:30, the hoax had been uncovered
and the stock adjusted.

But by the end of the day, this
company which nobody had heard of...

...closed out as the 12th highest
traded issue on the NASDAQ.

This just in:
The Internet is not a fad.

Thank you, sir.
- Thank you, all.

- Mr. Vice President?
- What do you need?

The cabinet meeting?
Anything to talk about?

Talk about? I've had dreams about
killing you. What does that mean?

- I heard about the meeting.
- Nothing happened.

- I heard different.
- You heard wrong.

- Okay.
- Let's go!

- Sam?
- Yeah.

Heard about the cabinet meeting?
The president took Hoynes for a ride.

- Who's talking?
- I don't know.

Hi, Mallory.
Let me know if you hear anything.

Hi.
- How you doing?

Pretty good. I had breakfast with
my father and walked him back.

- Can I talk to you a second?
- Sure.

- What's up?
- So....

Here's the thing.
Do you by any chance like opera?

- The opera?
- Yes.

To go and watch and listen to?

- Yes, Sam.
- Why do you ask?

I have two tickets to the Beijing
Opera tonight at the Kennedy Center.

My father's seats.

- Beijing Opera?
- Yes.

- You're asking me on a date.
- No.

I'm asking you if you'd like to go...

...to see a renowned opera company
perform a work native to its culture.

Right. In what way
will it not be a date?

There will be no sex for you
at the end of the evening.

Okay.

- So what do you say?
- Well....

I am an absolute nut
for Chinese opera.

The Chinese being known
for their romantic melodies.

With your guarantee there won't
be sex, I can't say no.

Good, then.

- I'll come and get you at 7:30.
- Yeah.

Know what's good about this?

If you hadn't offered
opera and no sex...

...all I'd be doing later is watching
football, so this works out great.

- 7:30.
- Yes, indeed.

- Leo will be in in a minute.
- Thanks.

- What's your thing about?
- Nothing.

- What's your thing about?
- Nothing.

- What do you need?
- We're not here together.

Somebody go first.

Concanon heard the president
and Hoynes...

- The cabinet meeting? It's nothing.
- Then why is he asking?

- Who talked?
- He won't say.

- It's Hoynes.
- We need that.

- What should I do?
- Deal with it.

You're a real details man,
aren't you, Leo?

Deal with it.

What do you want?

- I can come back another...
- What?

Mallory had an extra ticket to
the opera and she asked me to go.

- Mallory who?
- Mallory, your daughter.

- Mallory, my daughter...
- Yes.

...asked you to the opera with tickets
belonging to me and her mother?

- The woman who used to be my wife?
- We won't be doing anything.

- Like what?
- Let's stay away from that.

- Best that we do. I'm fine.
- You're fine. You're sure?

- Somebody should use them.
- Thank you.

- Go back to work, Sam.
- Yeah.

I'm fine.

Nitrogen and hydrogen.

Dick Brenner says we send a rocket
with a liquid hydrogen payload...

...when we can put a man on Mars
for $25 billion? That's a steal.

Where do you get nitrogen
to get him back?

Mars is made out of nitrogen.
We'll build a gas station.

We're done. Maybe we should all take
a science course. Thank you, all.

C.J. Cregg asked for a minute.

- I could've seen that coming.
- Mr. Vice President.

Whoever Danny's been
talking to, it wasn't me.

I'd just like to keep it
from becoming a story.

What can I do?

What happened
and how did Danny find out?

Nothing happened,
and I have no idea how he found out.

The implication I leaked information
is as stupid as it is insulting.

I'd like to remind you whatever regard
you hold for me personally...

...you are addressing
the office of the vice president.

- Yes, sir.
- Anything else?

- No, sir.
- Good. Let's go.

- Let's go.
- What's up?

- Banking bill's gonna pass.
- Crane's sure?

- Said it was in the bag.
- How was lunch?

- In the bag.
- No, it's not.

- I just got done with Crane.
- He's behind.

- What?
- What'd they attach?

- A land use rider.
Who?

- Broderick and Eaton.
- Broderick and Eaton?

Big Sky Federal Reserve.
They want to strip-mine Montana.

- We don't care.
- We do care!

Not today.
Since when are you outdoorsy?

- This is about retribution.
- Yeah, no kidding.

We need to see the president.

Yeah, we need to see the president.

- Broderick and Eaton?
- Yes.

I can only say the president was
interested in the policy's effects.

But the White House is optimistic
about the chances of the bill?

- Very.
- You're not concerned about the rider?

Sorry?

You're not concerned
about the rider attachment?

It's being worked out.
I'll go into detail later.

- Could you do it now?
- Then you won't need me later.

- C.J....
- Later. Thank you, everybody.

- Bonnie, find Toby.
- Land use rider was a shock.

This is a restricted area.
There are signs.

- Where?
- There are usually signs.

- You guys mind me back here?
No.

- Seems someone took your legs out.
- First, you're wrong.

Second, shut up. Third, Hoynes says he
didn't talk to you and I believe him.

He's pissed at me.
Fourth, shut up again!

- It wasn't Hoynes.
- I know that now.

I enjoy movies, music. I'm not wild
about ice skating, but I'll do it.

- Say goodbye to Danny.
Bye.

A day's work for a day's pay.

Toby's in his office.
Should I say you're coming?

- No, I'd like to keep this a surprise.
- Never mind.

- Big Sky Federal Reserve.
- In Montana?

What happened?

Eaton and Broderick got
a rider into the report.

Eaton and Broderick
attached the land use rider?

Surprised they're interested
in strip-mining?

I'm surprised
they're interested in anything.

It's retaliatory, sir.
For the campaign.

- What did I do during the campaign?
- You won.

- They want to strip-mine Big Sky?
- Mr. President.

- Swallow it.
- I knew it.

- It's the right thing.
- It's not!

Over here, please.

The banking reform bill
is the ball game.

Let's not get into a contest over
rocks uninhabitable most of the year.

They're attractive rocks.

Sam meant we don't need
the environmental lobby.

That's not what I meant. What I meant
is, it'll save real people real money.

- Tough.
- What do you do?

- Veto it.
- It's our bill.

He's right. Send a signal to the banks
that we will not be held hostage.

Tell them we'd rather be held hostage
by wildlife activists.

That position always works.

And it's important we carry Montana
and its three electoral votes.

I knew Sam would sell off states.
I was hoping he'd start with Delaware.

- Toby?
- Let me speak to some people.

Leo?
- Yeah.

I don't like these people, Toby.
I don't want to lose.

- Yes, sir.
- What's next?

- Hey.
- Hey.

- Don't get up. It's fine.
- Did you need something?

- I came to see what you were doing.
- No appointments?

The night was blocked,
but the thing got canceled.

- Take the night off, sir.
- No.

- I've still got 400 pages to read.
- Leave it till tomorrow.

I don't like being there with no one.

- Call Abbey, turn on the football game.
- Maybe later.

Okay.

- You had breakfast with Mal?
- Yep.

How's she doing?

- She's pissed at me.
- You ignored her mother.

- Come on.
- That's what it looks like to her.

- But she sees the job.
- No, she doesn't.

Anyone would have to see it to believe
it. And if they did, would it matter?

She's her mother's daughter,
and you made her mother cry.

You really threw some sunshine
down on that one. Thank you, sir.

I'm right next door all night.

Me too.

Okay.

- Josh?
- Yeah.

- Mandy wants to see you.
- Can you tell her I'm not in?

No, I think the ship's sailed
on that one.

How you doing?

Let me say this. It's a good bill.

- The banking bill is a good bill.
- And it works for us.

No more 24% credit card interest,
more savings than a tax cut...

...no unjustified holds on deposits.
These I can work with.

I have no argument!
But when they could strip-mine...

You never climbed a tree.
You don't care about Big Sky.

I don't. I do care about
hanging a sign that says:

"Republicans and Congress, feel free
to slap us around to show us you can. "

- You don't like Broderick and Eaton.
- That's not the point.

- It is the point.
- How?

When you're competitive and combative,
you juice up the president.

- I'll keep that in mind.
- No, you won't. You never do.

- Josh?
- Yeah. Gotta run.

I'm not done with you.

Thanks, Liz.

Excuse me, Mr. McGarry?

- Call me Leo, will you?
- I'll try.

- What do you need?
- Message from Nancy Becker.

Tomorrow is the transportation
secretary's birthday.

The president usually sends a letter.

Yeah. Tell Communications.
They'll give it to a staffer.

Yes, sir.

Wait.

- Nancy Becker needs it tonight?
- Yes, sir.

- Give it to Sam.
- Yes, sir.

- Sam.
- Charlie!

- How do I look?
- Good.

Went to the gym, got a shower
and shave. Got my shoes shined too.

Know why? I'm going to the opera
tonight, which will be excruciating.

But I'm gonna do it anyway.

There's a birthday, and Leo wants you
to write a message from the president.

He wants me? He wants me
to write a birthday message?

Nancy Becker needs it tonight.

You sure he doesn't want
someone who isn't overqualified?

He specifically asked for you.

- What time is it?
- Ten after 7.

Somebody! Anybody!

Write a two-page memo on the
history and accomplishments of...

...the assistant secretary of
transportation. It's under control.

Are you listening to me?
- Yes.

What was the last thing I said?

- You said, "Are you listening to me?"
- Toby!

I'm not the one to talk to
about the bill. I feel hatred.

- Toward whom?
- Today it's Broderick and Eaton.

- Excuse me. What's going on?
- Hey.

Tell him that signing the bill,
thus swallowing the strip-mining pill...

...would not foreclose a PR approach
trumpeting bank reforms...

...while also excoriating
a strip-mining scam...

...which is what I'm happy to call it.
Tell him that.

Toby? Mandy wants you to recommend to
the president that we do it her way.

- Do you understand what she said?
- No, but she's confident.

- I would like to talk to Josh again.
- Talk to anyone, but I need to work.

Thank you.

Mandy?

You cut your noses off
to spite your faces.

- I wanted to ask you something.
- What?

- You know Danny Concanon?
- Yeah.

He's sniffing around
about the cabinet meeting.

No big deal,
but I want him to back off.

- Make a trade.
- Yeah?

Give him a half-hour
with the president.

- Thanks.
- Will you help me with Josh and Toby?

The president's been messed with.
At the 11 th hour, he got clipped.

Josh and Toby get geared up for this.
You can't talk them down.

- You're idiots, you know that?
- We actually do know that.

- This is fine.
- Excellent!

They had you write this?
You're not a little overqualified?

I was happy to do it.

- I appreciate it.
- No problem.

Listen, as long as you're on it
and you don't mind...

...why don't we take advantage of it
and really do a job?

It's his 50th birthday. Give it the
Sam Seaborn quill. What do you think?

I'd be honored, sir.

Take your time. Bring the next draft
when it's ready.

- I appreciate it, Sam.
- My pleasure.

- Did you get a shoeshine, Sam?
- Yes, I did!

Hey, Sam!

- Hello.
- Are you ready to go?

I'd like to say, first,
you look beautiful.

- Thank you.
- I mean that.

- What would you like to say second?
- Can we talk in my office?

- Hello.
- Hello.

- May I discuss your story?
- Cabinet meeting, sure.

I don't believe
one of the cabinet officers...

They weren't the only ones
in the room.

- I'm gonna fire her.
- Don't. It's not nice.

The president would like you
not to pursue this.

To show his gratitude, he'll give you
30 minutes on any subject you like.

That sounds good, but it's not enough.

- What else?
- I'd like you to sing.

- Danny.
- Little song.

- Will you take it?
- Yes.

Thank you.

- C.J.
- Yeah.

Anybody gets fired,
I'll write about why.

Understood.

The assistant secretary
of transportation?

- Can I ask you a few questions?
- Sure.

In the campaign, you wrote a good
portion of the stump speech, right?

The acceptance speech,
the inaugural, State of the Union.

Now you're asked
to write a birthday card?

- Birthday message.
- For the secretary of transportation?

- It's the assistant secretary...
- The assistant secretary.

Yes. One of them.

If you didn't want to go,
you should have said so.

If you chickened out,
you should have called.

- I didn't.
- I'm dressed up.

- My shoes are shined.
- Shut up.

This just came up.

It's his 50th birthday.
They couldn't have seen it coming?

- Fair point.
- I'm going home.

Don't go. Give me a half-hour
for the new draft.

A new draft?

- Yes.
- You've already done a draft?

You need more than one draft
on a birthday card?

- Birthday message.
- Sam.

Half-hour.
We'll get there by intermission.

There'll be death and shrieking
in the second act.

Go.

- You look fantastic...
- Go!

We're gonna want a new draft
by the end of the week. Thank you.

- Toby?
- Yes?

- Know what I think?
- What?

It wasn't Broderick and Eaton.
I don't think they have the muscle.

- I think it was Crane.
- Yeah.

Honest to God, I think it was Crane.
Your friend, Crane.

Yeah.

- The guy who said it would go through.
- Yeah.

You're not bothered by this?

We've reached the end. I don't
care how, and I'm ready to move on.

How?

- Let's tell them to sign it.
- Not yet!

- It's over. We did fine.
- We got screwed!

Not so bad.

But Crane and Broderick and Eaton?

- It was their turn.
- I'm still working on it.

- The president needs something.
- I got a few hours.

Suit yourself.

Good evening.
- Is he free?

- He's reading.
- I can come back.

Go in. He's looking for company.

- Hey, C.J.
- Good evening, am I disturbing you?

- No, no. Sit down.
- What's going on?

- When will we have a solution?
- For the land use rider?

I want the bill,
and I don't want to give in.

A classic conundrum.
Speaking of conundrums...

- I don't want to hear about Hoynes.
- Mr. President...

- Is Danny gonna make it a thing?
- No.

- What did you give him?
- A half-hour sit-down on the record.

Sold.

Sir? The vice president
wasn't the one who talked.

- Sure, he was.
- I don't think so.

I'm pretty sure it was
the woman taking minutes.

- Mildred?
- Yeah.

- Let's drop it.
- Yes, sir.

- Anything else?
- No, sir.

- Okay, get out of here.
- Thank you.

Here we go.

- Come on!
- I'm under enough pressure.

- It's a card!
- I was asked by the president.

- What did you say?
- I was asked by the president.

Did you tell my father
we were going out?

Yes, I did.

Excuse me.

Okay, here we go.

Nope!

Findings, which didn't support us,
due to committee speculation...

...need to be referred to the OMB.
Yours unhappily. Copy that to Josh.

What will the president do
about Big Sky?

When he tells me, I'll tell you.
What's next?

- Excuse me, Margaret. Hello.
- Hey, baby.

Don't "Hey, baby" me,
you addle-minded Machiavellian jerk!

- Should I step out?
- Sounds like it.

- You gave him that idiot assignment!
- Yes.

- Why?
- Because I felt like it!

Your mom has a genuine beef. I widowed
her when I took over the campaign.

But I haven't done anything to you.

Working in the White House doesn't
allow flexibility for leisure...

...as you've discovered tonight.
I'm done being blamed.

- You make Sam write a birthday card.
- A birthday message.

- Why?
- Just my sense of humor.

- Hey, Mal.
- Good evening.

- Margaret! You're all dressed up.
- Yes, I am.

Yes, sir?
- Could you bring me today's schedule?

- Yes, sir.
- Thank you.

You look a little glum, Mallory.

Did you have plans with someone
who had to cancel...

...because they made a commitment
to a common and higher purpose?

You're a coconspirator on this.

Thank you. These are some
things your father did today.

He met with the CIA...

...and received a briefing about
stores of plutonium in a country...

...which is not on
our Christmas card list.

He brokered a compromise
for funding of something trivial...

...but I can't remember what...
Oh, yes, the U.S. Army.

He met with my chief counsel
as it's possible...

...I've broken several laws and may
serve time in prison after resigning.

- How'd that go?
- We're fine.

Cool. He received a security briefing
and wrote a position paper.

And he's been counseling me
on a decision I have to make.

By the way, this was a very light day.

Due respect, Mr. President,
what's your point?

That's a perfectly fair question.

I can take it from here, sir.

Okay. I'm right next door.

My point is...

...give your dad a break.
He's your father.

Thank you, sir.

- Are you blowing me off?
- Yes, sir.

Okay.

- I'm not blaming you.
- It feels like you are.

- Let me fix that.
- Okay.

Let's you and I catch the second act.

Is there any other way
we can fix this?

Did you hear the president
tell you about my day?

- Yes.
- And now Chinese opera?

- Okay, coffee and dessert.
- Now you're talking!

- We should ask Sam.
- By all means, let's ask Sam.

Be nice to him.

- I'll be gone for a while!
Okay.

I'll be nice. I'll be nice.

This is getting serious.

Good news.

- Hello.
- Hello, Sam.

You're off the hook.
We'd like you to join us for coffee.

Also my father has something
he'd like to say to you. Dad?

- Is this really necessary?
- I believe it is.

I gave you the thing because
I was pissed. Blah, blah, blah.

- Well said, Dad.
- Anyway, I'm sorry about that.

Yeah, I figured. Mind if I skip
coffee? I want to nail this.

- The first draft was fine.
- I want to nail it.

- Your first draft was fine.
- But still....

- You want to nail it?
- I do.

You're so exactly like him.

That is the nicest thing
you've ever said to me. Thank you.

Let's go.

I'll be back in an hour.

All right. Here we go.

Mr. President?
- Yes?

The vice president, sir.

Yeah, okay.

- Evening, sir.
- How are you, John?

- Fine, sir.
- Good. What can I do for you?

We should straighten out
this thing from this morning.

C.J.'s talked to Concanon.
We're fine.

- Actually, I meant between us.
- That's a different story.

I was not Concanon's source. You can
believe that or not, but it is true.

Okay.

- Well, good night, Mr. President.
- Good night, John.

John?

What did I ever do to you?

What did I do to make you
treat me this way?

What did I ever do to you
except deliver the South?

You shouldn't have made me beg.
I was asking you to be vice president.

You had just kicked my ass
in a primary.

I'm younger than you.
I have my career to think of.

Then don't stand there
and ask the question, John.

It weakened me right out of the gate.

You shouldn't have made me beg.

I'm glad C.J. straightened
things out with Danny.

- Good night, Mr. President.
- Good night, John.

This bill will stop the banking lobby
from getting bank deregulation.

- Who am I talking to about this?
- Madison.

You don't think it's worth
giving up some land?

- There's a gain to beating the lobby.
- And a cost if it goes with a rider!

I know you want to win,
but you did, you won!

- No, we're tied.
- If that's the best, you call it a win.

It's not a win. Donna, tell Leo
I'll have a solution very soon.

- Do you have a solution?
- Does it look like it?

- No.
- Then assume I don't.

I can put a best face on it.

You can put a best face on
a turnpike collision, I'm not moved.

You're fighting the wrong fights
and for the wrong reasons.

That's all.

- What was that about?
- Nothing.

- You sure?
- Yeah.

Where's the Madison stuff?
It's 20 minutes, I need it faster.

We're working, but the
computer files are antiquated.

All right. Wait, what?

- I said they're...
- They're antiquated.

Yeah.

- They're antiquated.
- What's wrong with you?

Tell the president I'm ready
to see him at his convenience.

- You sure?
- Yeah.

Hm.

- I tell you...
- Am I bothering you?

- I'm not relaxed!
- Maybe you need some wine.

- Maybe you shouldn't stand there.
- Let me try.

- I'll nail it.
- Tell him to let me try.

- The Antiquities Act.
- The Antiquities Act?

That's creative.

The president is empowered to make
any federal land a park.

- Big Sky.
- Go tell him.

- Wanna come?
- No.

What are you doing?

- I want to nail this.
- What is it?

- It's a birthday card.
- For who?

- I don't know.
- It's a birthday message.

- Let me try.
- One more try!

The two of you need to put
your heads down on your desk.

You're starting off bad.

Both black and grizzly bears
inhabit Glacier Park, Charlie.

Hikers are told to talk or sing
to keep them at bay.

If I see a bear,
I'm supposed to sing to it, sir?

- It's not as silly as it sounds.
- It sounds pretty silly.

I suppose.

- Anything else?
- Yes.

Glacier Park was the 10th.
We have 44 to go.

Forty-five.

- I quit.
- I hear you.

- Have a good night.
- Good night, Mr. President.

- What you got?
- The Antiquities Act.

You're going to establish
Big Sky National Park.

Yeah.

- I can do this?
- Yeah.

You know it's a bunch of rocks?

I'm sure someone with
your knowledge of the dork-like...

...can find a tree or a ferret
the public has a right to visit.

More than a right, Josh.
It's a treat.

- You would enjoy nature.
- I've tried nature, sir.

The Antiquities Act.
This is simplicity itself.

- Yes, sir.
- Good job.

Thank you, sir.

Thank you. I'm going to bed.

- Good night, Mr. President.
- Good night.

- Mr. President?
- Yeah?

We talk about enemies
more than we used to.

What?

We talk about enemies
more than we used to.

I wanted to mention that.

Yeah.

- Good night, Mr. President.
- Good night.