The West Wing (1999–2006): Season 1, Episode 15 - Celestial Navigation - full transcript
In a lecture at Georgetown, Josh recalls the previous week at the White House, during which he replaced a dentally impaired C.J. in the press room and gave a memorably disastrous briefing, responding to a reporter's question (sarcastically, although taken quite seriously) that the White House had a secret plan to fight inflation. Meanwhile, he's intermittently on the phone with Toby and Sam, who have flown to Connecticut and are now lost in a rental car on the Connecticut Turnpike. They've gone on critical business: the president's nominee for the Supreme Court, Roberto Mendoza, was pulled over by the local police for "driving while Hispanic" and refused to take a drunk test, so he was incarcerated. Toby has to talk the judge down from making a big public issue of his arrest by fighting the charges in court.
Previously:
Judge Mendoza, l'm nominating you. . .
. . .to be the next associate justice
of the Supreme Court.
l'm Sam Seaborn,
deputy communications director.
Josh Lyman,
deputy chief of staff.
Jed Bartlet.
-Charles.
-Prefer Charlie?
-Zoey?
-lf l call you Charlie.
-We've met. McGarry, chief of staff.
-l thought you were the butler.
McGarry's chief of staff.
l'm your host, C.J.
-l'm Ziegler.
-From the White House.
Welcome to the third installment
of this year's DuPont Lecture Series.
l see by the turnout,
you're excited to meet our guest. . . .
-What?
-He was arrested.
-For what?
-Drunk driving and disorderly conduct.
-You think?
-lt's 30 minutes old. We don't know.
-What do we know?
-He doesn't drink.
-He was arrested for it.
-Mendoza doesn't drink.
-And the press?
-They know nothing.
-Cops haven't leaked it?
-They don't know.
-That they've arrested him?
-That it's that Mendoza.
I got this thing now.
l got a cab.
The White House.
l'll let you know.
Stay ahead of the pitch.
Have Toby page me.
We don't even know if this guy's
called a lawyer. ls he in a jail cell?
You're not there anymore, are you?
l'm talking to no one at all.
--where he worked as manager
for the minority whip. . .
. . .and chief of staff
for Congressman Brennan.
After serving as senior political
director for Bartlet's campaign. . .
. . .he was appointed
deputy chief of staff.
Please welcome Joshua Lyman.
Thank you very much.
-Nice to see you.
-Good to see you.
-Just slip that mike on, there.
-Let's see here. . . .
Tell us what it's like
to work for the president.
l'll do my best.
-What happened?
-lt's not bad.
-Was the president's nominee arrested?
-Yes.
-l thought he doesn't drink.
-He doesn't drink.
-He was tonight.
-We vetted him. He doesn't drink.
-Why was he arrested?
-Driving while Hispanic.
-Does Toby know?
-l stepped off the world.
Yes.
-Where was it?
-Connecticut.
-Why refuse the Breathalyzer?
-He's crazy and out to ruin my life.
-Anyone posted bail?
-No. Can't find a judge.
-Why not?
-lt's Friday night in Connecticut.
Believe me, l'll figure a way
to blame this on you.
-l have no doubt.
-Find his lawyer and talk to him.
Sam, there's an Air Force Lear jet.
Fly to Westchester Airport,
rent a car. . .
. . .and get the next associate justice
out of jail.
C.J., Sam sees one reporter when he
gets off that plane, l blame you.
-Toby's got that.
-l'm going.
The judge and l will
have a conversation.
l want a call every 1 5 minutes.
l wanna know what's going on.
Tell us about a typical day
at the White House.
The first thing l'll tell you
is, there's no such thing.
There's a schedule and there's
a structure, to be sure.
And, to a certain extent,
it starts out as a nine-to-five job.
But you can count on it
being blown to hell by 9:30.
Give us an example.
l'll give you an example
from this week.
The story l'm about to tell you
all happened within the last 36 hours.
Anyone who's been reading
the papers. . .
. . .has been following what we call
''the news cycle that wouldn't end. ''
lt started either with a
cabinet secretary losing her temper. . .
. . .a committee chairman baiting her. . .
. . .the president answering a question
he shouldn't have. . .
. . .a dentist appointment,
or me being stupid.
For the record, l don't think
it was as much my fault. . .
. . .as other people do.
lt started out as a day
to trumpet the president's vision. . .
. . .for education reform.
-Give me the bullet points.
-l understand this.
-l have confidence in you.
-Thanks.
-Give him the points.
-l'm bathed in your confidence too.
Forgive student loans
to new teachers. . .
. . .who spend three years teaching
in inner-city schools.
Bonuses to people who leave
careers to become teachers.
Federal grants to schools
to use more experienced teachers. . .
. . .to train the less experienced.
-Half the new teachers quit in 3 years.
-Right here on my index card.
-Very good, then.
-Toby. Got a minute?
Thank you both.
-Know what? What time's your briefing?
-1 1 :00.
-Push it to 1 :00.
-l thought about that.
Do it after the bill.
Let this be the story.
-Move it to 1 :00.
-You can't. You have the thing.
-A perfect excuse to postpone.
-You don't want to.
-A ''thing''?
-Dentist appointment.
-What's wrong?
-Nothing. l'm experiencing pain.
-For how long?
-A month. lt'll go away.
-When?
-When l die.
Carol, cancel it.
Set the briefing for 2:00,
keep the appointment.
Teeth are your friends.
Care for them, they'll care for you.
-When did this talk start?
-l'm nuts for dental hygiene.
-Go away now.
-Okay.
-She called him a racist.
-She didn't.
-What did she say?
-Well, yes, she did.
Bonnie, Ginger,
l want anything on the wire. . .
. . .about the HUD secretary
calling Wooden a racist.
You want it now?
No, l want it
at whatever leisurely pace--
-l'm just asking.
-l want it now.
On C-SPAN, she called him a racist?
Not just Wooden.
She included all Republicans.
-Why be good-humored?
-She was baited.
-So?
-She was baited and she was right.
-Did you know Deborah O'Leary--
-ls that a wire story?
''Wooden's problems with public housing
drew an angry response from O'Leary. ''
And here's what she said:
''Public housing has serious problems.
But if you and the Republicans
were as invested in solving them. . .
. . .as in scoring political points
on the backs of minorities. . .
. . .you might see the value. ''
-''You calling me a racist?''
-''Of course not,'' she answered?
-''lf the shoe fits,'' she responded.
-Well, wasn't that clever of her?
Donald Morales, the spokesman
for Housing and Urban Development. . .
. . .who's wishing he hadn't
gotten out of bed that morning. . .
. . .confirms what happened.
Now there's telling the president.
-''lf the shoe fits''?
-lt gets worse, actually.
''When reporters confronted O'Leary,
she defended--''
-Come on!
-Don't worry, l'll take care of it.
-She on her way?
-She'll be here in half an hour.
Mr. President?
''lf the shoe fits. ''
ls that the best she could do?
Of her many transgressions,
let's not worry about the cliche.
Ladies and gentlemen,
the president of the United States.
The president spoke briefly.
The president has never spoken
briefly in his life, but. . . .
He spoke, signed the bill,
gave away the pens. . .
. . .then he took a few questions
from the press.
lt should be pointed out that
according to every poll. . .
. . .the issue that concerns
Americans most is education.
The president had just signed off
on $ 700 million for education. . .
. . .and announced a plan
of aggressive initiatives.
What was the first question?
Do you agree with O'Leary
that Wooden's a racist?
-lf not, will you ask her to resign?
-l have great confidence in O'Leary.
She's done a terrific job
at HUD helping thousands. . .
. . .transition from joblessness
and homelessness to productive lives.
You didn't answer the question.
-l was hoping you wouldn't notice.
-l did, sir.
l agree the Republican Party doesn't
have a comprehensive program. . .
. . .for combating poverty.
But there are countless Republicans. . .
. . .working to change
their party's legacy.
l hope to be working with them.
l'm sure that was an answer
to some question. Just not mine.
lf only we'd stopped it there.
lf only we'd said, ''The president
can't take any questions now. ''
Or, ''We'll cover this in the briefing. ''
Or, ''The building is on fire. ''
But it took us all a moment
to realize. . .
. . .there was no press secretary
in the room.
She went too far in assigning
motive to Wooden and the Republicans.
-Will you speak to her?
-She'll meet McGarry.
-Will he ask her to apologize?
-lt'd be appropriate.
-Get him off.
-Sam.
We'll cover this in the briefing.
The president's late
for the UN ambassador.
Thank you, everyone.
-That went pretty well.
-We'll fix it.
-The UN ambassador is in Portugal.
-Okay. My bad.
Eight words: ''The president's
not taking any questions right now. ''
lf we'd just stepped in
30 seconds sooner.
That's me.
l'm sorry. There's a thing.
l have to answer this now.
This will just take a second.
This is weird, l know. . .
. . .but, anyway--
-It's me.
-Are you there?
-We're lost.
-Lost?
-We're not.
-What exit do we want for Wesley?
-We missed the exit.
-We didn't.
l'm in the middle of something.
-Just tell me--
-Call me when you know something.
Sorry about that.
-Can you tell us what that was about?
-The trade deficit. Where was l?
-lf you'd gotten there sooner.
-The day would've gone differently.
The president said
O'Leary should apologize.
The press wanted to know
if she'd be fired if she didn't.
We didn't have an answer.
She was coming for a showdown.
This is what the day was about now.
The day was about to get worse, because
l was about to step to the plate.
This is wrong.
We're supposed to go east.
-We're going east.
-How do you know?
-The sun rises in the east.
-lt's dark out.
That bright star in the sky
is Polaris.
-So?
-l'm using celestial navigation.
Galileo, get off the next exit
and turn around.
Secretary O'Leary was told that
Leo McGarry wanted to see her.
No question she'd be angry about
the president asking her to apologize.
But at the moment,
that was Leo's problem.
-l can't believe it.
-You're pissed at us?
How could he demand an apology
without hearing my side?
We blew the press event
but l got a video of your side.
-The man's a racist.
-Maybe.
He uses his authority to spit
at the poor and minorities.
He's doing it to score points
with his narrow-minded constituents.
His narrow-minded constituents
are also ours.
When are you guys gonna stop
running for president?
When angels dance on pinheads.
We need their votes for many issues,
including the budget for HUD.
-Attacking HUD is attacking blacks.
-Thanks. Having been born yesterday.
Don't you think it's my role as
the highest-ranking African-American--
l think your role, first and foremost,
is to serve the president.
A task today at which
you failed spectacularly.
-Leo--
-You're gonna apologize.
-l'm sorry.
-Not to me.
-l called it like l saw it.
-Now you'll apologize for it.
-l can't.
-You can.
-l won't.
-You will.
ls that an order?
You're doing great work.
The president's nuts about you.
He'll cry for three minutes
after he fires your ass. . .
. . .then he'll say, ''What's next?''
Leo, if l've gotta go
and ask Wooden for forgiveness. . .
. . .he'll lord it over me
until the end of time.
lt's the cost of doing business.
Done.
He's been provoking you for months.
When you give in to him,
you surrender the high ground.
How did it happen?
You forgot what your grandfather
taught you.
-''Never argue with a drunk or a fool. ''
-ls the president very angry with me?
He's upset you couldn't come up. . .
. . .with anything better than
''lf the shoe fits. ''
-Good luck.
-Thank you.
So that should have been it.
C.J. does the 2:00 briefing...
. . .tells them O'Leary
has an apology. . .
. . .all questions will be handled
by her spokesperson, Donald Morales. . .
. . .and redirects their attention
to the $ 700 million of yours. . .
. . .that we spent on teachers.
Who here has had emergency root canal?
-What the hell happened?
-l had root canal.
-What happened to your cheeks?
-l had root canal.
-Why are you talking like that?
-l had root canal!
-l heard you. l was amusing myself.
-You can do other things with yourself.
-Are you in pain?
-l had root canal!
Stop saying that.
You sound ridiculous.
-l have to cancel the briefing.
-You can't.
-Look at me!
-You'll be great.
l can't do it.
l can't even say ''briefing. ''
You gotta wrap up O'Leary and
move them back to the bill signing.
-Did you say my name?
-You really think l can do it?
Don't be insane. You can't do it
looking like Bullwinkle.
Again, you were just
having a little fun.
-When can you take the cotton out?
-Two hours. l'll cancel.
-We're still doing it.
-Who?
-Me.
-No way. You get hostile.
l get hot stuff?
Hostile! You get hostile!
l don't. l get hostile
when the hostility is called for.
Let Sam do it.
-He's in Foggy Bottom.
-Why's he in Foggy Bottom?
l just wanted to make you say
''Foggy Bottom. '' He's with the writers.
-Toby?
-Toby's with the president.
This is Josh coming at you
with your 2:00 briefing.
Please, be very careful.
Try very hard not to destroy us.
You shouldn't say that.
You got a great body.
Here we go!
Please take your seats.
We'll start the briefing.
-You're not gonna do this.
-l talk to reporters all the time.
You really don't wanna do this.
Let me tell you something, mi
compadre. You guys have been coddled.
l'm not your girlfriend
or your camp counselor. . .
. . .or your sixth-grade teacher.
l'm a graduate of Harvard and Yale.
My powers of debate can rise to meet. . .
. . .the Socratic wonder
that is the White House press corps.
Okey-dokey.
Good afternoon.
C.J. had an emergency,
so I'll handle the briefing.
ln my defense, first of all,
everything was fine.
l dispensed of the O'Leary
matter with ease and poise.
l opened to questions with a discipline
lacking in C.J.'s briefings.
l'll take one question apiece.
-Josh.
-Mike.
When's the last time
the president had a cigarette?
You want yours to be that stupid?
-It's not stupid.
-Oh, my God.
If the president
is adamantly anti-tobacco...
. . .why is it unreasonable
to ask if he smokes?
He quit years ago.
He bummed a cigarette from me
on Air Force One two days ago.
Oh, my God.
Well, then. . . . Jonathan.
-So you won't answer Katie's question?
-l'll look into it. Danny.
Economists worry the drop
in unemployment. . .
. . .will create pressure on wages,
driving them up.
ls the president worried
about a resurgence of inflation?
The president is pleased. . .
. . .that unemployment has dropped
another 0.5 percent--
We join him in his joy. l'm wondering
if he has a plan to fight inflation.
He will maintain the robust economy
that has created jobs. . .
. . .improved productivity,
and kept a lid on inflation.
But he has no plan
to address inflation specifically?
Twenty-four Ph.D.s on a council of
economic advisors? They have a plan.
Are you not telling
because it's a secret?
Yeah, we have a secret plan.
l guess that's pretty much
when the wheels came off the wagon.
Now is a good time to break.
Let's stretch our legs
for five minutes.
Sign-up sheets for 202
are in the lobby.
lf you smoke, apparently you can
bum a cigarette on Air Force One.
Let's have a hand
for our guest, Joshua Lyman.
-You're great.
-Thanks.
-What's going on?
-Sam feels we're zeroing in on it.
You haven't found it yet?
We've been navigating
by the North Star. . .
. . .which turned out to be
the Delta shuttle.
How hard is it
to find the police station?
l don't know. Can you tell me about
the secret plan to fight inflation?
-How long before you let up on that?
-A little while.
Call when you know something.
There's a store. l'll ask where
the Wesley police station is.
Or you can pull in there,
at the police station, and ask.
-Look! We found it.
-Let's get this done and get out.
Good evening.
Good evening.
Sam Seaborn. l work for the president.
ls your watch commander around?
-ls this a joke?
-No.
You walk in and tell me that?
We're in trouble. The good thing is,
you're in more trouble than we are.
The sooner you realize l'm telling
the truth, the better off we'll be.
Why don't you get
your watch commander?
lf we'd stayed on the parkway
instead of going east. . .
. . .l don't think we'd have wound up
in Bridgeport so many times.
-Shut up.
-l'm Sgt. MacNamara. Can l help you?
l'm the deputy communications director.
That's my boss, Toby Ziegler.
-l'm in no mood for a joke.
-l understand.
You have Roberto Mendoza
locked up back there.
State your business here, or leave.
l'm telling you to unlock the cell
and give me Mendoza.
You come in here at 1 0:00 at night,
tell me you're with the White House--
You've arrested a federal judge. . .
. . .who's the president's nominee
for the U.S. Supreme Court.
You should get that.
That's the governor of Connecticut.
Danny had thrown me a knuckle ball,
which then l had taken a swing at. . .
. . .and, just like that, the president
had a secret plan to fight inflation.
When will the president
unveil his secret plan?
There is no secret plan.
l was kidding.
These are people's jobs.
You wanna give us a straight answer?
l can't remember the question.
Given the reduction in unemployment,
is there a plan to fight inflation?
And if so, why is he
keeping it a secret?
Oh, my God. l mean, oh, my God!
-l can fix this.
-l don't think so.
This is a great time for support.
-You have my support.
-That's a start. What should l do?
Come up with a secret plan
to fight inflation.
-That's support?
-Joshua!
-That's the face l wanted to see.
-What the hell happened in there?
You completely imploded!
-What'd l do?
-You completely imploded.
-You were vague, hostile, belligerent.
-Belligerent.
-Know what it'll take to fix this?
-l'll fix this.
You're never allowed in my press room.
-See if Toby was watching.
-Where is he?
Never mind.
-Just support me on this.
-No!
Have you fallen and hit your head?
-l feel really bad.
-You do?
That's all that matters.
That was some good television.
Four network news directors
will agree.
This isn't as bad
as you're making it seem.
A secret plan to fight inflation?
C.J., for a little while
you'll have to write it down.
-We have a problem.
-No kidding.
-Not Josh.
-Praise God.
Calling a question stupid
is not a page out of Carnegie.
-What's wrong?
-You won't like it.
The only thing that could make my day
worse is if Mendoza got involved.
Roberto Mendoza is the president's
nominee for the Supreme Court.
The president put Toby in charge of
his confirmation. Huge responsibility.
A failed confirmation for the Court
is a body blow to a presidency.
Besides, he's a brilliant jurist,
and we badly want him on the bench.
The confirmation process is tough.
You gotta make a lot of friends.
Nominees don't speak
before their confirmation.
They let the White House
speak for them.
Something Toby's had trouble
teaching Mendoza.
He said the president was wrong?
He said he was wrong
to make O'Leary apologize.
-C.J.
-Sam, tell him.
He said he was wrong
to make O'Leary apologize.
-To who?
-To Wooden.
-Who did he say it to?
-Chicago Tribune.
l thought he's on vacation
in Nova Scotia.
-He is.
-They called him in Nova Scotia?
How did they find him?
They have telephones in Nova Scotia.
lt's not Amish country.
Of all the people in this building,
you want to be the last to speak now.
You bet.
The president needs to be briefed.
lf you use the words
''pwesident'' or ''bwiefed'' again--
The president's in New Orleans
in an hour.
No press at the conference.
When he's done, he comes home.
He'll be in the residence by 3:30 a.m.
Can l say something?
What?
A lot of this is our fault, and
the president won't take this well.
We'll be there with you
in spirit tomorrow.
You'll be there with me
in every way imaginable.
-You bet.
-7 a.m.
This is not the first time
this had happened.
ln the eight weeks since
he was named the nominee. . .
. . .Mendoza has, on various
occasions, publicly criticized. . .
. . .the American Bar Association, the
AFL-ClO and the NY state legislature.
Groups, without which, this
president wouldn't have been elected.
Putting out the O'Leary fire
had been our only success.
Now Judge Mendoza had
started up again.
l'm really very sorry,
but l have to take this.
-Yeah.
-Josh.
-Yeah.
-We're in.
-Where is he?
-With Toby.
Hello, Mr. Justice.
How are you?
lncarcerated, Toby. How are you?
-Do you need anything?
-No.
The judge and l are gonna have a chat.
The hardest job in the White House
is president.
The second-hardest job
is not chief of staff. . .
. . .national security advisor,
or press secretary.
Although, l'm gaining respect
for press secretaries.
The second-hardest job belongs to a
21 -year-old kid named Charlie Young.
He's the president's body man,
his aide.
He's with him morning to night.
He has a range of responsibilities.
But the one he hates most is this:
Sometimes, it's his job to wake
the president in the morning.
On this morning, the president
had gone to sleep three hours earlier.
-White House. Operator Four.
-Good morning, Helen.
-How was New Orleans?
-He did well.
-You been to sleep since yesterday?
-Good one.
-Time for his wake-up call.
-Let me put you through.
-What?
-Good morning. lt's Charlie. l hope--
What could you possibly
want right now?
-Sir, it's 6:30 a.m. and--
-ln the morning?
Yes. l wanted to remind you--
What in the name of everything holy
could you want now?
You have a 7 a.m. meeting
with the senior staff. . .
. . .followed by
intelligence briefings. . .
. . .and a meeting with the chairman
of the Fed. Would you like coffee?
-Who the hell is this?
-Sir.
And what could you possibly want?
Sir, l need you to dig in now.
lt wasn't a nightmare.
-You really are the president.
-All right.
-l'll have the steward bring coffee.
-l'll get up now.
Mendoza was summoned
to the White House from Nova Scotia.
When you summon someone,
you expect them within the hour.
Mendoza told us
he'd see us in three days.
Why three days?
He was driving down to D.C. . .
. . .stopping in Connecticut
to do some antiquing.
Another thing to tell the president,
who still hadn't awoken.
-Charlie.
-Oh, come on.
l've been knocking.
l don't hear the shower running.
Thanks, Billy.
Give me a minute, would you?
Mr. President.
Are you aware
you're committing a federal crime?
l'll take my chances with the feds.
lt's 7:00.
How did you know
the first lady wasn't naked?
-Come to think of it, where is she?
-Argentina.
That's right.
Senior staff in the Oval Office.
So l'll stand here while you get
out of bed, shower and get dressed.
All right.
-Have you slept yet?
-No, sir.
Good.
How's your mouth?
Well, the swelling's gone down.
On the other hand,
the painkillers wore off.
He's driving from Nova Scotia
to Washington?
How's a person do that?
Take the Trans-Canada Highway
to New Brunswick. . .
. . .catch the 1 ,
the scenic route along Maine. . .
. . .95 through to the Mass Pike. . .
. . .then the Merritt Parkway
around Milford.
There's something freakish about you.
l'm tired, cranky and my wife's in
Argentina. Let's get this over with.
What?
Mr. President, we experienced a few
public relations-- What's the word?
Catastrophes.
-lncidents in the hours you were away.
-What kind of incidents?
First, the incident involving O'Leary
and Wooden has been dispensed with.
Though not really.
l'll get to that at the end.
Sam asked C.J. to move the briefing
so we could fold in the teachers.
C.J. had emergency root-canal surgery
and was unable to brief.
-Who did?
-l did.
Oh, God.
You're going to be reading today about
your secret plan to fight inflation.
-l have a secret plan for inflation?
-No.
Why am l gonna be reading that l do?
lt was suggested in the press room
that you did.
-By who?
-By me.
You told the press
l have a secret plan?
Let me be absolutely clear:
l did not do that.
-Except, yes, l did that.
-l'm a little confused.
There was this idiotic round robin.
lt was sarcastic.
There's no way they didn't know.
They were just mad at me
for calling them stupid.
Before we go on:
C.J., if blood is gushing
from a head wound you received. . .
. . .from a stampede of bison,
you'll do the briefings.
Yes, sir.
-Mr. President--
-A secret plan?
There was no turning them back.
They wouldn't take no.
-Were you clear?
-Yes.
They said, ''lf he has a plan,
is it right that he keep it secret?''
l said, ''Of course not. ''
Are you telling me that not only
did you invent a secret plan. . .
. . .but now you don't support it?
-When you put it like that--
-Mr. President.
Much as we'd love nothing more
than to stand and watch you. . .
. . .beat the living crap out of Josh,
there's a bigger fish to fry.
What did Mendoza do?
He told the Tribune you were wrong
to make O'Leary apologize.
-l didn't. He did.
-You told me to.
-You said you'd fix it.
-l did.
-lt's broken again.
-Because your nominee. . .
. . .is handling himself
in an unprofessional manner.
We'll have the first
of a series of discussions. . .
. . .about professionalism another time.
-Where is Mendoza?
-He's on his way.
-Right now?
-He'll be here the day after tomorrow.
-From Neptune?
-He's vacationing with his family.
They'd prefer to take a drive
through Canada and New England. . .
. . .while stopping
for antique shopping.
He'll take the Trans-Canada Highway--
Okay, we'll wait for Mendoza.
ln the meantime, C.J.,
you'll untangle the press corps.
We'll hope nothing happens today
to make this any worse.
Although l wouldn't bet
the house on it. That is all.
Thank you, Mr. President.
l want to tell you l'm sorry.
This will be cleaned up
in a professional manner.
Good.
lf anyone asks,
you quit smoking years ago.
The cigarette you bummed
was for a friend.
-Get out.
-You bet.
That was it.
-What happened to Judge Mendoza?
-l'm sorry?
-Did he get here from Nova Scotia?
-He's on his way.
He's spending the night
in Connecticut to do antiquing.
-He's been in there a little while.
-Yeah.
l'm the one that pulled him over.
His driving was erratic. l'm not
convinced he hadn't been drinking.
-You have a problem there.
-What's that?
He has chronic persistent hepatitis.
Non-progressive liver inflammation.
lf he'd had enough to drink
to blow . 1 , he'd be dead right now.
This is good coffee.
Why didn't you take the Breathalyzer?
l was driving within the speed limit
on the right side of the road.
l have valid tags and l don't have
warrants for my arrest in Connecticut.
Absent just cause,
a Breathalyzer's an illegal search. . .
. . .and a civil-rights violation.
So you give him a hard time
to make a point?
-A point worth making.
-Not now.
-Right now.
-One phone call:
''Toby, this happened. Tell them l'm
Mendoza and l'm named to the bench. ''
They pulled me over because l look
like my name is Roberto Mendoza. . .
. . .and l'm coming to rob your house.
Let's go.
-Where are we going?
-Let's go home.
-l'm not going anywhere.
-Judge!
-l'm under arrest.
-Not anymore.
You pull all the strings you want
but not for me.
Come Monday, l'll avail myself
of the justice system. . .
. . .for which l have worked
my entire life.
Judge, due respect, let's go.
My kid was in the car, Toby.
They patted me down
and handcuffed me in front of my boy.
Then he and his mother. . .
. . .got to see them put me
in the squad car and drive away.
He's also seen you wearing a robe
with a gavel in your hand.
He doesn't understand that.
He doesn't know what that is.
He understands who the police are
because of TV.
That's what he'll remember.
His father being handcuffed.
So America just got another
pissed-off guy with dark skin.
-Robbie and Laura, where are they?
-Motel, a few miles.
There's nothing about this
that doesn't stink.
lf it were me, l'd want vengeance.
l'd say, ''Let justice be done. ''
l'd also want to spend time
in a dark room alone. . .
. . .so that l didn't have to face
my wife and my son. . .
. . .and have them see my humiliation.
Bob, l can't get this done
if this is the story.
Nothing about this that doesn't stink.
Nothing that wouldn't be better
if you were a Supreme Court justice.
Let me take you to the motel.
Go see your boy.
So, can l ask?
A guy in your job, do you know
missile codes and that sort of thing?
-Yeah.
-Outstanding.
-Good evening, Mr. Justice.
-Good evening, Sam.
-He's got personal items?
-Yes, sir.
lt's your lucky night.
There isn't going to be a report,
an investigation or suspension.
And no one's filing a $ 1 00-million
lawsuit that they would surely win.
But in this room,
you'll apologize to Mr. Mendoza.
Then you'll get in your squad car,
follow us and apologize to his son.
Judge Mendoza. . .
. . .we sincerely apologize
for our mistake.
-Thank you.
-Let's go.
You could do a better job
of marking the exits on the thruway.
Let's go.
We'll be behind you.
lf there's no reason for you to
go back, you should spend the night.
-What's up here?
-Great antiquing.
You're killing me, judge.
Absolutely killing me.
Josh? lt's over.
Good.
That's the last time
the phone will ring, l promise.
There's a part of the story
l didn't tell you.
l can't.
lt doesn't involve--
l just can't, right now.
Ask me back again
after the Senate confirms Mendoza.
You should hear it. lt's a good story.
-Why don 't we take some questions?
-Yeah.
Judge Mendoza, l'm nominating you. . .
. . .to be the next associate justice
of the Supreme Court.
l'm Sam Seaborn,
deputy communications director.
Josh Lyman,
deputy chief of staff.
Jed Bartlet.
-Charles.
-Prefer Charlie?
-Zoey?
-lf l call you Charlie.
-We've met. McGarry, chief of staff.
-l thought you were the butler.
McGarry's chief of staff.
l'm your host, C.J.
-l'm Ziegler.
-From the White House.
Welcome to the third installment
of this year's DuPont Lecture Series.
l see by the turnout,
you're excited to meet our guest. . . .
-What?
-He was arrested.
-For what?
-Drunk driving and disorderly conduct.
-You think?
-lt's 30 minutes old. We don't know.
-What do we know?
-He doesn't drink.
-He was arrested for it.
-Mendoza doesn't drink.
-And the press?
-They know nothing.
-Cops haven't leaked it?
-They don't know.
-That they've arrested him?
-That it's that Mendoza.
I got this thing now.
l got a cab.
The White House.
l'll let you know.
Stay ahead of the pitch.
Have Toby page me.
We don't even know if this guy's
called a lawyer. ls he in a jail cell?
You're not there anymore, are you?
l'm talking to no one at all.
--where he worked as manager
for the minority whip. . .
. . .and chief of staff
for Congressman Brennan.
After serving as senior political
director for Bartlet's campaign. . .
. . .he was appointed
deputy chief of staff.
Please welcome Joshua Lyman.
Thank you very much.
-Nice to see you.
-Good to see you.
-Just slip that mike on, there.
-Let's see here. . . .
Tell us what it's like
to work for the president.
l'll do my best.
-What happened?
-lt's not bad.
-Was the president's nominee arrested?
-Yes.
-l thought he doesn't drink.
-He doesn't drink.
-He was tonight.
-We vetted him. He doesn't drink.
-Why was he arrested?
-Driving while Hispanic.
-Does Toby know?
-l stepped off the world.
Yes.
-Where was it?
-Connecticut.
-Why refuse the Breathalyzer?
-He's crazy and out to ruin my life.
-Anyone posted bail?
-No. Can't find a judge.
-Why not?
-lt's Friday night in Connecticut.
Believe me, l'll figure a way
to blame this on you.
-l have no doubt.
-Find his lawyer and talk to him.
Sam, there's an Air Force Lear jet.
Fly to Westchester Airport,
rent a car. . .
. . .and get the next associate justice
out of jail.
C.J., Sam sees one reporter when he
gets off that plane, l blame you.
-Toby's got that.
-l'm going.
The judge and l will
have a conversation.
l want a call every 1 5 minutes.
l wanna know what's going on.
Tell us about a typical day
at the White House.
The first thing l'll tell you
is, there's no such thing.
There's a schedule and there's
a structure, to be sure.
And, to a certain extent,
it starts out as a nine-to-five job.
But you can count on it
being blown to hell by 9:30.
Give us an example.
l'll give you an example
from this week.
The story l'm about to tell you
all happened within the last 36 hours.
Anyone who's been reading
the papers. . .
. . .has been following what we call
''the news cycle that wouldn't end. ''
lt started either with a
cabinet secretary losing her temper. . .
. . .a committee chairman baiting her. . .
. . .the president answering a question
he shouldn't have. . .
. . .a dentist appointment,
or me being stupid.
For the record, l don't think
it was as much my fault. . .
. . .as other people do.
lt started out as a day
to trumpet the president's vision. . .
. . .for education reform.
-Give me the bullet points.
-l understand this.
-l have confidence in you.
-Thanks.
-Give him the points.
-l'm bathed in your confidence too.
Forgive student loans
to new teachers. . .
. . .who spend three years teaching
in inner-city schools.
Bonuses to people who leave
careers to become teachers.
Federal grants to schools
to use more experienced teachers. . .
. . .to train the less experienced.
-Half the new teachers quit in 3 years.
-Right here on my index card.
-Very good, then.
-Toby. Got a minute?
Thank you both.
-Know what? What time's your briefing?
-1 1 :00.
-Push it to 1 :00.
-l thought about that.
Do it after the bill.
Let this be the story.
-Move it to 1 :00.
-You can't. You have the thing.
-A perfect excuse to postpone.
-You don't want to.
-A ''thing''?
-Dentist appointment.
-What's wrong?
-Nothing. l'm experiencing pain.
-For how long?
-A month. lt'll go away.
-When?
-When l die.
Carol, cancel it.
Set the briefing for 2:00,
keep the appointment.
Teeth are your friends.
Care for them, they'll care for you.
-When did this talk start?
-l'm nuts for dental hygiene.
-Go away now.
-Okay.
-She called him a racist.
-She didn't.
-What did she say?
-Well, yes, she did.
Bonnie, Ginger,
l want anything on the wire. . .
. . .about the HUD secretary
calling Wooden a racist.
You want it now?
No, l want it
at whatever leisurely pace--
-l'm just asking.
-l want it now.
On C-SPAN, she called him a racist?
Not just Wooden.
She included all Republicans.
-Why be good-humored?
-She was baited.
-So?
-She was baited and she was right.
-Did you know Deborah O'Leary--
-ls that a wire story?
''Wooden's problems with public housing
drew an angry response from O'Leary. ''
And here's what she said:
''Public housing has serious problems.
But if you and the Republicans
were as invested in solving them. . .
. . .as in scoring political points
on the backs of minorities. . .
. . .you might see the value. ''
-''You calling me a racist?''
-''Of course not,'' she answered?
-''lf the shoe fits,'' she responded.
-Well, wasn't that clever of her?
Donald Morales, the spokesman
for Housing and Urban Development. . .
. . .who's wishing he hadn't
gotten out of bed that morning. . .
. . .confirms what happened.
Now there's telling the president.
-''lf the shoe fits''?
-lt gets worse, actually.
''When reporters confronted O'Leary,
she defended--''
-Come on!
-Don't worry, l'll take care of it.
-She on her way?
-She'll be here in half an hour.
Mr. President?
''lf the shoe fits. ''
ls that the best she could do?
Of her many transgressions,
let's not worry about the cliche.
Ladies and gentlemen,
the president of the United States.
The president spoke briefly.
The president has never spoken
briefly in his life, but. . . .
He spoke, signed the bill,
gave away the pens. . .
. . .then he took a few questions
from the press.
lt should be pointed out that
according to every poll. . .
. . .the issue that concerns
Americans most is education.
The president had just signed off
on $ 700 million for education. . .
. . .and announced a plan
of aggressive initiatives.
What was the first question?
Do you agree with O'Leary
that Wooden's a racist?
-lf not, will you ask her to resign?
-l have great confidence in O'Leary.
She's done a terrific job
at HUD helping thousands. . .
. . .transition from joblessness
and homelessness to productive lives.
You didn't answer the question.
-l was hoping you wouldn't notice.
-l did, sir.
l agree the Republican Party doesn't
have a comprehensive program. . .
. . .for combating poverty.
But there are countless Republicans. . .
. . .working to change
their party's legacy.
l hope to be working with them.
l'm sure that was an answer
to some question. Just not mine.
lf only we'd stopped it there.
lf only we'd said, ''The president
can't take any questions now. ''
Or, ''We'll cover this in the briefing. ''
Or, ''The building is on fire. ''
But it took us all a moment
to realize. . .
. . .there was no press secretary
in the room.
She went too far in assigning
motive to Wooden and the Republicans.
-Will you speak to her?
-She'll meet McGarry.
-Will he ask her to apologize?
-lt'd be appropriate.
-Get him off.
-Sam.
We'll cover this in the briefing.
The president's late
for the UN ambassador.
Thank you, everyone.
-That went pretty well.
-We'll fix it.
-The UN ambassador is in Portugal.
-Okay. My bad.
Eight words: ''The president's
not taking any questions right now. ''
lf we'd just stepped in
30 seconds sooner.
That's me.
l'm sorry. There's a thing.
l have to answer this now.
This will just take a second.
This is weird, l know. . .
. . .but, anyway--
-It's me.
-Are you there?
-We're lost.
-Lost?
-We're not.
-What exit do we want for Wesley?
-We missed the exit.
-We didn't.
l'm in the middle of something.
-Just tell me--
-Call me when you know something.
Sorry about that.
-Can you tell us what that was about?
-The trade deficit. Where was l?
-lf you'd gotten there sooner.
-The day would've gone differently.
The president said
O'Leary should apologize.
The press wanted to know
if she'd be fired if she didn't.
We didn't have an answer.
She was coming for a showdown.
This is what the day was about now.
The day was about to get worse, because
l was about to step to the plate.
This is wrong.
We're supposed to go east.
-We're going east.
-How do you know?
-The sun rises in the east.
-lt's dark out.
That bright star in the sky
is Polaris.
-So?
-l'm using celestial navigation.
Galileo, get off the next exit
and turn around.
Secretary O'Leary was told that
Leo McGarry wanted to see her.
No question she'd be angry about
the president asking her to apologize.
But at the moment,
that was Leo's problem.
-l can't believe it.
-You're pissed at us?
How could he demand an apology
without hearing my side?
We blew the press event
but l got a video of your side.
-The man's a racist.
-Maybe.
He uses his authority to spit
at the poor and minorities.
He's doing it to score points
with his narrow-minded constituents.
His narrow-minded constituents
are also ours.
When are you guys gonna stop
running for president?
When angels dance on pinheads.
We need their votes for many issues,
including the budget for HUD.
-Attacking HUD is attacking blacks.
-Thanks. Having been born yesterday.
Don't you think it's my role as
the highest-ranking African-American--
l think your role, first and foremost,
is to serve the president.
A task today at which
you failed spectacularly.
-Leo--
-You're gonna apologize.
-l'm sorry.
-Not to me.
-l called it like l saw it.
-Now you'll apologize for it.
-l can't.
-You can.
-l won't.
-You will.
ls that an order?
You're doing great work.
The president's nuts about you.
He'll cry for three minutes
after he fires your ass. . .
. . .then he'll say, ''What's next?''
Leo, if l've gotta go
and ask Wooden for forgiveness. . .
. . .he'll lord it over me
until the end of time.
lt's the cost of doing business.
Done.
He's been provoking you for months.
When you give in to him,
you surrender the high ground.
How did it happen?
You forgot what your grandfather
taught you.
-''Never argue with a drunk or a fool. ''
-ls the president very angry with me?
He's upset you couldn't come up. . .
. . .with anything better than
''lf the shoe fits. ''
-Good luck.
-Thank you.
So that should have been it.
C.J. does the 2:00 briefing...
. . .tells them O'Leary
has an apology. . .
. . .all questions will be handled
by her spokesperson, Donald Morales. . .
. . .and redirects their attention
to the $ 700 million of yours. . .
. . .that we spent on teachers.
Who here has had emergency root canal?
-What the hell happened?
-l had root canal.
-What happened to your cheeks?
-l had root canal.
-Why are you talking like that?
-l had root canal!
-l heard you. l was amusing myself.
-You can do other things with yourself.
-Are you in pain?
-l had root canal!
Stop saying that.
You sound ridiculous.
-l have to cancel the briefing.
-You can't.
-Look at me!
-You'll be great.
l can't do it.
l can't even say ''briefing. ''
You gotta wrap up O'Leary and
move them back to the bill signing.
-Did you say my name?
-You really think l can do it?
Don't be insane. You can't do it
looking like Bullwinkle.
Again, you were just
having a little fun.
-When can you take the cotton out?
-Two hours. l'll cancel.
-We're still doing it.
-Who?
-Me.
-No way. You get hostile.
l get hot stuff?
Hostile! You get hostile!
l don't. l get hostile
when the hostility is called for.
Let Sam do it.
-He's in Foggy Bottom.
-Why's he in Foggy Bottom?
l just wanted to make you say
''Foggy Bottom. '' He's with the writers.
-Toby?
-Toby's with the president.
This is Josh coming at you
with your 2:00 briefing.
Please, be very careful.
Try very hard not to destroy us.
You shouldn't say that.
You got a great body.
Here we go!
Please take your seats.
We'll start the briefing.
-You're not gonna do this.
-l talk to reporters all the time.
You really don't wanna do this.
Let me tell you something, mi
compadre. You guys have been coddled.
l'm not your girlfriend
or your camp counselor. . .
. . .or your sixth-grade teacher.
l'm a graduate of Harvard and Yale.
My powers of debate can rise to meet. . .
. . .the Socratic wonder
that is the White House press corps.
Okey-dokey.
Good afternoon.
C.J. had an emergency,
so I'll handle the briefing.
ln my defense, first of all,
everything was fine.
l dispensed of the O'Leary
matter with ease and poise.
l opened to questions with a discipline
lacking in C.J.'s briefings.
l'll take one question apiece.
-Josh.
-Mike.
When's the last time
the president had a cigarette?
You want yours to be that stupid?
-It's not stupid.
-Oh, my God.
If the president
is adamantly anti-tobacco...
. . .why is it unreasonable
to ask if he smokes?
He quit years ago.
He bummed a cigarette from me
on Air Force One two days ago.
Oh, my God.
Well, then. . . . Jonathan.
-So you won't answer Katie's question?
-l'll look into it. Danny.
Economists worry the drop
in unemployment. . .
. . .will create pressure on wages,
driving them up.
ls the president worried
about a resurgence of inflation?
The president is pleased. . .
. . .that unemployment has dropped
another 0.5 percent--
We join him in his joy. l'm wondering
if he has a plan to fight inflation.
He will maintain the robust economy
that has created jobs. . .
. . .improved productivity,
and kept a lid on inflation.
But he has no plan
to address inflation specifically?
Twenty-four Ph.D.s on a council of
economic advisors? They have a plan.
Are you not telling
because it's a secret?
Yeah, we have a secret plan.
l guess that's pretty much
when the wheels came off the wagon.
Now is a good time to break.
Let's stretch our legs
for five minutes.
Sign-up sheets for 202
are in the lobby.
lf you smoke, apparently you can
bum a cigarette on Air Force One.
Let's have a hand
for our guest, Joshua Lyman.
-You're great.
-Thanks.
-What's going on?
-Sam feels we're zeroing in on it.
You haven't found it yet?
We've been navigating
by the North Star. . .
. . .which turned out to be
the Delta shuttle.
How hard is it
to find the police station?
l don't know. Can you tell me about
the secret plan to fight inflation?
-How long before you let up on that?
-A little while.
Call when you know something.
There's a store. l'll ask where
the Wesley police station is.
Or you can pull in there,
at the police station, and ask.
-Look! We found it.
-Let's get this done and get out.
Good evening.
Good evening.
Sam Seaborn. l work for the president.
ls your watch commander around?
-ls this a joke?
-No.
You walk in and tell me that?
We're in trouble. The good thing is,
you're in more trouble than we are.
The sooner you realize l'm telling
the truth, the better off we'll be.
Why don't you get
your watch commander?
lf we'd stayed on the parkway
instead of going east. . .
. . .l don't think we'd have wound up
in Bridgeport so many times.
-Shut up.
-l'm Sgt. MacNamara. Can l help you?
l'm the deputy communications director.
That's my boss, Toby Ziegler.
-l'm in no mood for a joke.
-l understand.
You have Roberto Mendoza
locked up back there.
State your business here, or leave.
l'm telling you to unlock the cell
and give me Mendoza.
You come in here at 1 0:00 at night,
tell me you're with the White House--
You've arrested a federal judge. . .
. . .who's the president's nominee
for the U.S. Supreme Court.
You should get that.
That's the governor of Connecticut.
Danny had thrown me a knuckle ball,
which then l had taken a swing at. . .
. . .and, just like that, the president
had a secret plan to fight inflation.
When will the president
unveil his secret plan?
There is no secret plan.
l was kidding.
These are people's jobs.
You wanna give us a straight answer?
l can't remember the question.
Given the reduction in unemployment,
is there a plan to fight inflation?
And if so, why is he
keeping it a secret?
Oh, my God. l mean, oh, my God!
-l can fix this.
-l don't think so.
This is a great time for support.
-You have my support.
-That's a start. What should l do?
Come up with a secret plan
to fight inflation.
-That's support?
-Joshua!
-That's the face l wanted to see.
-What the hell happened in there?
You completely imploded!
-What'd l do?
-You completely imploded.
-You were vague, hostile, belligerent.
-Belligerent.
-Know what it'll take to fix this?
-l'll fix this.
You're never allowed in my press room.
-See if Toby was watching.
-Where is he?
Never mind.
-Just support me on this.
-No!
Have you fallen and hit your head?
-l feel really bad.
-You do?
That's all that matters.
That was some good television.
Four network news directors
will agree.
This isn't as bad
as you're making it seem.
A secret plan to fight inflation?
C.J., for a little while
you'll have to write it down.
-We have a problem.
-No kidding.
-Not Josh.
-Praise God.
Calling a question stupid
is not a page out of Carnegie.
-What's wrong?
-You won't like it.
The only thing that could make my day
worse is if Mendoza got involved.
Roberto Mendoza is the president's
nominee for the Supreme Court.
The president put Toby in charge of
his confirmation. Huge responsibility.
A failed confirmation for the Court
is a body blow to a presidency.
Besides, he's a brilliant jurist,
and we badly want him on the bench.
The confirmation process is tough.
You gotta make a lot of friends.
Nominees don't speak
before their confirmation.
They let the White House
speak for them.
Something Toby's had trouble
teaching Mendoza.
He said the president was wrong?
He said he was wrong
to make O'Leary apologize.
-C.J.
-Sam, tell him.
He said he was wrong
to make O'Leary apologize.
-To who?
-To Wooden.
-Who did he say it to?
-Chicago Tribune.
l thought he's on vacation
in Nova Scotia.
-He is.
-They called him in Nova Scotia?
How did they find him?
They have telephones in Nova Scotia.
lt's not Amish country.
Of all the people in this building,
you want to be the last to speak now.
You bet.
The president needs to be briefed.
lf you use the words
''pwesident'' or ''bwiefed'' again--
The president's in New Orleans
in an hour.
No press at the conference.
When he's done, he comes home.
He'll be in the residence by 3:30 a.m.
Can l say something?
What?
A lot of this is our fault, and
the president won't take this well.
We'll be there with you
in spirit tomorrow.
You'll be there with me
in every way imaginable.
-You bet.
-7 a.m.
This is not the first time
this had happened.
ln the eight weeks since
he was named the nominee. . .
. . .Mendoza has, on various
occasions, publicly criticized. . .
. . .the American Bar Association, the
AFL-ClO and the NY state legislature.
Groups, without which, this
president wouldn't have been elected.
Putting out the O'Leary fire
had been our only success.
Now Judge Mendoza had
started up again.
l'm really very sorry,
but l have to take this.
-Yeah.
-Josh.
-Yeah.
-We're in.
-Where is he?
-With Toby.
Hello, Mr. Justice.
How are you?
lncarcerated, Toby. How are you?
-Do you need anything?
-No.
The judge and l are gonna have a chat.
The hardest job in the White House
is president.
The second-hardest job
is not chief of staff. . .
. . .national security advisor,
or press secretary.
Although, l'm gaining respect
for press secretaries.
The second-hardest job belongs to a
21 -year-old kid named Charlie Young.
He's the president's body man,
his aide.
He's with him morning to night.
He has a range of responsibilities.
But the one he hates most is this:
Sometimes, it's his job to wake
the president in the morning.
On this morning, the president
had gone to sleep three hours earlier.
-White House. Operator Four.
-Good morning, Helen.
-How was New Orleans?
-He did well.
-You been to sleep since yesterday?
-Good one.
-Time for his wake-up call.
-Let me put you through.
-What?
-Good morning. lt's Charlie. l hope--
What could you possibly
want right now?
-Sir, it's 6:30 a.m. and--
-ln the morning?
Yes. l wanted to remind you--
What in the name of everything holy
could you want now?
You have a 7 a.m. meeting
with the senior staff. . .
. . .followed by
intelligence briefings. . .
. . .and a meeting with the chairman
of the Fed. Would you like coffee?
-Who the hell is this?
-Sir.
And what could you possibly want?
Sir, l need you to dig in now.
lt wasn't a nightmare.
-You really are the president.
-All right.
-l'll have the steward bring coffee.
-l'll get up now.
Mendoza was summoned
to the White House from Nova Scotia.
When you summon someone,
you expect them within the hour.
Mendoza told us
he'd see us in three days.
Why three days?
He was driving down to D.C. . .
. . .stopping in Connecticut
to do some antiquing.
Another thing to tell the president,
who still hadn't awoken.
-Charlie.
-Oh, come on.
l've been knocking.
l don't hear the shower running.
Thanks, Billy.
Give me a minute, would you?
Mr. President.
Are you aware
you're committing a federal crime?
l'll take my chances with the feds.
lt's 7:00.
How did you know
the first lady wasn't naked?
-Come to think of it, where is she?
-Argentina.
That's right.
Senior staff in the Oval Office.
So l'll stand here while you get
out of bed, shower and get dressed.
All right.
-Have you slept yet?
-No, sir.
Good.
How's your mouth?
Well, the swelling's gone down.
On the other hand,
the painkillers wore off.
He's driving from Nova Scotia
to Washington?
How's a person do that?
Take the Trans-Canada Highway
to New Brunswick. . .
. . .catch the 1 ,
the scenic route along Maine. . .
. . .95 through to the Mass Pike. . .
. . .then the Merritt Parkway
around Milford.
There's something freakish about you.
l'm tired, cranky and my wife's in
Argentina. Let's get this over with.
What?
Mr. President, we experienced a few
public relations-- What's the word?
Catastrophes.
-lncidents in the hours you were away.
-What kind of incidents?
First, the incident involving O'Leary
and Wooden has been dispensed with.
Though not really.
l'll get to that at the end.
Sam asked C.J. to move the briefing
so we could fold in the teachers.
C.J. had emergency root-canal surgery
and was unable to brief.
-Who did?
-l did.
Oh, God.
You're going to be reading today about
your secret plan to fight inflation.
-l have a secret plan for inflation?
-No.
Why am l gonna be reading that l do?
lt was suggested in the press room
that you did.
-By who?
-By me.
You told the press
l have a secret plan?
Let me be absolutely clear:
l did not do that.
-Except, yes, l did that.
-l'm a little confused.
There was this idiotic round robin.
lt was sarcastic.
There's no way they didn't know.
They were just mad at me
for calling them stupid.
Before we go on:
C.J., if blood is gushing
from a head wound you received. . .
. . .from a stampede of bison,
you'll do the briefings.
Yes, sir.
-Mr. President--
-A secret plan?
There was no turning them back.
They wouldn't take no.
-Were you clear?
-Yes.
They said, ''lf he has a plan,
is it right that he keep it secret?''
l said, ''Of course not. ''
Are you telling me that not only
did you invent a secret plan. . .
. . .but now you don't support it?
-When you put it like that--
-Mr. President.
Much as we'd love nothing more
than to stand and watch you. . .
. . .beat the living crap out of Josh,
there's a bigger fish to fry.
What did Mendoza do?
He told the Tribune you were wrong
to make O'Leary apologize.
-l didn't. He did.
-You told me to.
-You said you'd fix it.
-l did.
-lt's broken again.
-Because your nominee. . .
. . .is handling himself
in an unprofessional manner.
We'll have the first
of a series of discussions. . .
. . .about professionalism another time.
-Where is Mendoza?
-He's on his way.
-Right now?
-He'll be here the day after tomorrow.
-From Neptune?
-He's vacationing with his family.
They'd prefer to take a drive
through Canada and New England. . .
. . .while stopping
for antique shopping.
He'll take the Trans-Canada Highway--
Okay, we'll wait for Mendoza.
ln the meantime, C.J.,
you'll untangle the press corps.
We'll hope nothing happens today
to make this any worse.
Although l wouldn't bet
the house on it. That is all.
Thank you, Mr. President.
l want to tell you l'm sorry.
This will be cleaned up
in a professional manner.
Good.
lf anyone asks,
you quit smoking years ago.
The cigarette you bummed
was for a friend.
-Get out.
-You bet.
That was it.
-What happened to Judge Mendoza?
-l'm sorry?
-Did he get here from Nova Scotia?
-He's on his way.
He's spending the night
in Connecticut to do antiquing.
-He's been in there a little while.
-Yeah.
l'm the one that pulled him over.
His driving was erratic. l'm not
convinced he hadn't been drinking.
-You have a problem there.
-What's that?
He has chronic persistent hepatitis.
Non-progressive liver inflammation.
lf he'd had enough to drink
to blow . 1 , he'd be dead right now.
This is good coffee.
Why didn't you take the Breathalyzer?
l was driving within the speed limit
on the right side of the road.
l have valid tags and l don't have
warrants for my arrest in Connecticut.
Absent just cause,
a Breathalyzer's an illegal search. . .
. . .and a civil-rights violation.
So you give him a hard time
to make a point?
-A point worth making.
-Not now.
-Right now.
-One phone call:
''Toby, this happened. Tell them l'm
Mendoza and l'm named to the bench. ''
They pulled me over because l look
like my name is Roberto Mendoza. . .
. . .and l'm coming to rob your house.
Let's go.
-Where are we going?
-Let's go home.
-l'm not going anywhere.
-Judge!
-l'm under arrest.
-Not anymore.
You pull all the strings you want
but not for me.
Come Monday, l'll avail myself
of the justice system. . .
. . .for which l have worked
my entire life.
Judge, due respect, let's go.
My kid was in the car, Toby.
They patted me down
and handcuffed me in front of my boy.
Then he and his mother. . .
. . .got to see them put me
in the squad car and drive away.
He's also seen you wearing a robe
with a gavel in your hand.
He doesn't understand that.
He doesn't know what that is.
He understands who the police are
because of TV.
That's what he'll remember.
His father being handcuffed.
So America just got another
pissed-off guy with dark skin.
-Robbie and Laura, where are they?
-Motel, a few miles.
There's nothing about this
that doesn't stink.
lf it were me, l'd want vengeance.
l'd say, ''Let justice be done. ''
l'd also want to spend time
in a dark room alone. . .
. . .so that l didn't have to face
my wife and my son. . .
. . .and have them see my humiliation.
Bob, l can't get this done
if this is the story.
Nothing about this that doesn't stink.
Nothing that wouldn't be better
if you were a Supreme Court justice.
Let me take you to the motel.
Go see your boy.
So, can l ask?
A guy in your job, do you know
missile codes and that sort of thing?
-Yeah.
-Outstanding.
-Good evening, Mr. Justice.
-Good evening, Sam.
-He's got personal items?
-Yes, sir.
lt's your lucky night.
There isn't going to be a report,
an investigation or suspension.
And no one's filing a $ 1 00-million
lawsuit that they would surely win.
But in this room,
you'll apologize to Mr. Mendoza.
Then you'll get in your squad car,
follow us and apologize to his son.
Judge Mendoza. . .
. . .we sincerely apologize
for our mistake.
-Thank you.
-Let's go.
You could do a better job
of marking the exits on the thruway.
Let's go.
We'll be behind you.
lf there's no reason for you to
go back, you should spend the night.
-What's up here?
-Great antiquing.
You're killing me, judge.
Absolutely killing me.
Josh? lt's over.
Good.
That's the last time
the phone will ring, l promise.
There's a part of the story
l didn't tell you.
l can't.
lt doesn't involve--
l just can't, right now.
Ask me back again
after the Senate confirms Mendoza.
You should hear it. lt's a good story.
-Why don 't we take some questions?
-Yeah.