The West Wing (1999–2006): Season 1, Episode 11 - Lord John Marbury - full transcript

When India sends troops into Kashmir, President Bartlett calls for a British former ambassador to India to help out - over Leo's strong objections.


- Lillienfield knows Leo was a drunk.
- Everyone knows that.

They don't know there were pills.

He was in rehab.
Six years ago.

A pleasure, ma'am.
Charlie Young.

Don't call her "ma'am. "

- Zoey?
- If I can call you Charlie.

Take me out, convince me.

- Excuse me?
- You heard me.

- I was distracted.
- I won't say it again.

Then I'm gonna assume
you asked me out.


- Last pass with the KH satellite.
- How old is this?

- About 20 minutes.
- Go to X-10 inside the grid.

Those are two CVEs
and four destroyers.

Let's get some help.

We can identify the northern,
central, and western armies.

They all appear to be
front-line divisions.

- What about the Navy?
- Two CVEs, four destroyers.

- Where are they headed?
- Pakistan.

- I'm sold. Let's brief the C.O.s.
- I'll call the White House.

- You'll like it.
- It doesn't sound like it.

- Caddying? It's great.
- I just lug your golf clubs around?

- It's good exercise.
- Of course. I'm lugging golf clubs.

You'll be reading the greens,
helping with club selection.

- Here he is.
- Me?

Joshua Lyman?
Are you Joshua Lyman?

Claypool again?

- This is a subpoena...
- Why do you let him in?

- If you'll sign to show proof...
- Give me it. It's like the 43rd time.

This is Freedom Watch, right?
You guys are real patriots.

- Hope this hasn't inconvenienced you.
- Why would that inconvenience me?

- Have a good day, sir.
- Thank you. Drop dead.

It's what I do.
I'm a professional hostile witness.

- Will I drive the cart?
- No cart.

- You don't use a cart?
- Real golfers don't use carts.

- Don't they carry their clubs?
- No.

Would you pay me?
You play in the winter?

Spring, but I want you
to start practicing right away.

- Good evening.
- How are you, Josh?

- I've been subpoenaed.
- I'm sorry. Want a cookie?

- The president asked me to come by.
- He just left with Leo.

- Where'd they go?
- Situation room.

Keep your seats.

Admiral Fitzwallace?

25 minutes ago, the Indian Army
invaded along the cease-fire line...

...into Pakistan-held
Kashmir territory.

- Is India's objective clear?
- No, sir.

When you say the Indian Army,
what are we talking about?

- Five guys in a Humvee? What?
- Mitch?

They committed three infantry
divisions and two armored brigades... well as four CVEs
and two destroyers.

- All told?
- Approximately 300,000 troops, sir.

- In the last 25 minutes?
- Yes, sir.

300,000 is an awfully large piece of
troop movement to have been on a whim.

- This was long planned.
- Yes, sir.

All I'm trying to do is avoid making
eye contact with the CIA director.

- Mr. President...
- 300,000 troops?

I can't move a motorcade without it
showing up on a weather satellite.

- We dropped the ball, sir.
- Pick it up again, would you, please?

Yes, sir.

- Any chance this is an exercise?
- No.

- A threat gesture?
- Possibly.

- Any nuclear activity?
- We don't know, sir.

I wouldn't worry.
That's probably not important.

- We've ordered intense surveillance.
- How intense?

Satellites have been diverted
to the area.

The KH super platform's been tasked
into stationary orbit.

- How long till it's on station?
- Six hours.

I want the crisis task force activated
and a national security briefing.

Thank you.

- What's the ambassador say?
- Which?

- Pakistani.
- Our guy there or their guy here?

- Ours.
- We haven't appointed one.

- You're kidding.
- No.

- Good evening.
- Good evening.

It's been over a year.
We have no one in Pakistan.

- Right.
- Maybe that's why they got invaded.

The Pakistanis have about 20,000
troops along the northern front...

...and four divisions
along the eastern front.

All this happened
without the CIA knowing?

I've already had words.

The U.N. is meeting
to try to effect a cease-fire.

I feel better already.

- How could we not have an ambassador?
- We were getting to it.

How can the CIA miss
300,000 armed people...

Well, they've got
a very good photo now.

The idea is to spot them
before they cross the border, right?

- For now, it's conventional weapons?
- Toby, what do you know about this?

Any war between them
won't end with conventional weapons.

- You want to brief the hill?
- Yeah.

- Good evening.
- Hello.

- I'm sorry. Should I wait in the...?
- No. We were just breaking up.

- Can I say there's a full lid?
- Yeah.

I'll send them home.
Thank you, Mr. President.

I'll brief her in the morning.

Evening, ma'am.

- Charlie, how you doing?
- Good.

- Is he in?
- I'll tell him you're here.

- I'll just wait.
- Okay.

- Do you ever get a night off?
- No, actually.

- That's too bad.
- It's all right.

I meant it would be cool
to go out or something.


I'm sorry, with me?

You know you don't have to stand up
the whole time I'm in a room.

Yeah. I don't know why I do that.

- Hi, Zoey.
- Is that Zoey?

Anyway, too bad.

- I've been subpoenaed.
- By Claypool?

The Freedom of Information Act.

I was running the investigation after
we were all accused of taking drugs.

Not all, just one. Claypool's suing
you for the paperwork?

- I'm being deposed tomorrow.
- Who you bringing?

I'm not bringing anyone.

- Bring a lawyer.
- I am a lawyer.

- Bring a real lawyer.
- Thanks for the pep talk.

No sweat.

- What's up?
- Not too much.

- We'll look good in California.
- I'll look pale.

- I meant the president.
- I know.

Sam, can I talk to you a second?
In your office? Thanks.

What's up?

I may take a new client. It may
be a problem for Josh and Toby.

I was hoping
you'd help smooth the way.

- Who's the client?
- Mike Brace.

You're serious?

- Mike Brace is a Republican.
- I know that.

You think they
might have a problem?

He's moderate,
good on education and women's rights.

- He's Republican.
- He came to me. He sought me out.

We'd come to you too.
In fact, we did.

I'm coming to you now.

So I'll help convince Josh and Toby
to let you work for a Republican.

Isn't this my lucky day.

You're the one more interested in
getting things done than beating...

- Josh and Toby are just as committed.
- Not lately.

I disagree.

The banking bill,
the land use rider, assault weapons.

- You like Mike Brace. I know.
- This is an impossible sell.

- It shouldn't be.
- It will be.

I know.

- I admire your pluck.
- What part of me do you admire?

Your pluck. Your gumption.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

- You'll talk to Josh and Toby?
- You're going to owe me.

We'll be even.

I'll do this and many more favors,
and we'll be even.

Thank you.

We'll have a briefing by the
Treasury on the market adjustment.

That's what we're calling it.
9:00 tomorrow.

With that, the lid is full.
You can go.

A source at the Pentagon says there's
been troop movement on Kashmir.

In the last few hours? You need
a new source at the Pentagon, Bruce.

- There's nothing to it?
- What kind of troop movement?

300,000 troops and a few warships.

300,000 troops? Someone's
having a little fun with you.

- You sure?
- I was in the office 10 minutes ago.

- Have a good night.
- Good night, C.J.!

Fighting has occurred between Indian
troops and Pakistani border garrisons.

The cease-fire line
has been breached twice.

With five divisions
invading north of Kargil...

...and a force that's crossed west
into Azhad.


In the past hour, Prime Minister
Nohamid spoke on TV, saying that...

"...after enduring endless provocation
by the criminals running Pakistan...

...India's forbearance
has been exhausted.

In the name of peace, India is putting
an end to Pakistan's aggression. "

And Pakistan?

They're condemning India's aggression
and pledging resistance.

We've got ourselves a ballgame.

- When do we get the nuclear briefing?
- This afternoon, 1500.

- Thank you.
- Thank you, Mr. President.

The Freedom of Information Act. He
wants to know about the investigation.

It wasn't an investigation.
Did he bring a lawyer?

- Said he didn't need one.
- I like the sound of this.

- Leo's coming. C.J.'s already inside.
- Thanks.

- You know what this is about?
- Yeah.

- I stopped by your office before.
- I was at the reception.

What's going on?

India sent troops
into the neutral zone in Kashmir.

The U.N.'s trying to get a cease-fire.
We'll play a role in 48 to 72 hours.

Brief the press tonight.

I want you in on some of the meetings
throughout the day.

Including this one.

This happened last night?

That's what you were talking about

- I'm sorry.
- You said the lid was on.

- You have to expect that.
- I got the question.

A guy had a Pentagon source.
I denied it.

- Is it 300,000? A couple destroyers?
- And four CVEs.

- He hit it. I made fun of him.
- Say you spoke without knowing.

That's what I'll do.
Don't worry.

India's the story. This is forgotten.

- I'm fine. We're across the hall?
- Yeah.

- Your occupation?
- White House deputy chief of staff.

How long have you had the job?

Since President Bartlet
was sworn in 12 months ago.

Have you been investigating,
over the past weeks...

...drug use by White House staffers?

I wouldn't call it an investigation.
It wasn't that serious.

You don't consider illegal drug use
at the White House to be serious?

Almost tripped me up
in that clever web of words.

I'd consider drug use
in the White House to be serious.

My investigation wasn't serious.

You know it wasn't serious
because I was running it.

What prompted the investigation?

Congressman Lillienfield claimed one
in three White House staffers use drugs.

I was asked to discover what
would have caused him to say that.

Asked by whom?

The chief of staff
and the communications director.

The organization I represent
is suing...

...for the records
of your investigation.

I can save us all a lot of time. There
are no records of my investigation.

Before being deposed, did you tell
anybody we required your testimony?

- I mentioned it to a few people.
- Who were they?

- Sam Seaborn.
- Deputy communications director.

- Yes.
- Why'd you mention it to him?

- No particular reason.
- No particular reason?

- Yes.
- Really?

You brought up the subpoena
for no particular reason.

- Who else?
- My assistant, Donna Moss.

What did you tell Mr. Seaborn
and Miss Moss about this deposition?

I told them I had to waste a day
on this deposition.

What else did you tell them?

I probably told them
these moronic lawsuits of yours...

Why do you...?

You're not after the truth.
You hate President Bartlet...

...and you're looking for
headlines and money.

You have two hours today
and tomorrow.

Will somebody
please offer me some coffee?

India's population is about
one billion. 82% Hindu, 11 % Muslim.

- They're not as poor as Pakistanis.
- Whose per capita income is $400.

They are however, better educated.

And they're healthier.
Average life span is 57.7 years.

- What kind of briefing is this?
- If we could have another hour.

- Where did you get this?
- The Encyclopedia Britannica.

- I need a briefing.
- We're getting someone from State.

She'll get over it.

Let me ask you something
without your head exploding.

How would you react to Mandy working
for Mike Brace? He came to her.

- She wants to work for him?
- Maybe.

- Good afternoon.
- Mrs. Landingham.

- Is this a joke?
- You don't say hello?

Hello. Is this a joke?
I don't understand. I'm in disbelief.

- I'll say your reaction was...
- Disbelief!

- He's good on education...
- Are you shilling for her?

- I'm smoothing the way.
- Don't.

- She wants your temperature.
- Don't do that.

India has two intermediate-range
missiles named Agni 1 and 2.

Agni means "fire" in Hindi.

They have an A-bomb 50% more
destructive than the Hiroshima bomb.

- They have a thermonuclear device.
- An H-bomb?

What's the command situation?

- This is the terrifying part.
- I was waiting for a terrifying part.

CCI systems are unreliable. They put
money in weapons...

- ...and ignore safeguards.
- Like what?

Dual launch controls, chain of
command, monitoring, testing.

Leaders don't share information.
It might weaken them.

I'll read this from a DOD overview:

"At times, both countries have shown
an incoherent decision-making system.

You cannot predict
what will happen in a crisis. "

Well, bring in Dr. Strangelove,
and we're all set.

- Thanks, Joe.
- Sure.

- Thank you, Mr. President.
- Thank you.

- There's an expert I want to bring in.
- Who?

- No.
- You guys will love him.

- He's a lunatic.
- Colorful.


- Who?
- Lord John Marbury.

Former ambassador to New Delhi.

- Where do we find him?
- An institution.

He's colorful.

You'll let him loose
where there's liquor and women?

We can hide the women,
but he deserves a drink.

Get him on a plane.

- Anything else?
- Thank you, Mr. President.

Can I just say this about Mandy's
representing Mike Brace?

- I should say something to C.J.
- It'll be patronizing.

If you don't, it says
you think she's a professional.

- I'm going to go see her.
- See what you do?

You ask for my advice,
and you ignore it.


The next few weeks, it's important
to reassure Americans...

...the president
is working hard to defuse the crisis.

- They're misspelling New Delhi.
- The "H" is wrong?

- I'm happy when they use an "H" at all.
- We'll fix it.

We're fixing the "H"!

I was warned that coming to talk
to you might be insulting.

- You wouldn't want that.
- It wasn't ready for the press.

Could have told me before
sending me in. I denied it.

I said, "I was in the office,
and nothing's going on. "

- They don't think you lied.
- I know. They think you lied to me.

They don't know me. I'm from nowhere.
I was just starting to get respect.

Know how long it'll take
to get it back?

"Don't ask C.J.
She doesn't know. "

There's a concern you're
too friendly with the press.

It's important you're friendly.

- For all of us!
- I don't disagree.

Does this have to do
with Danny?

- People see you with him.
- This is outrageous.

- If we erred, it's...
- You sent me in uninformed so I'd lie.

We sent you in uninformed because
we thought maybe you couldn't.

I have all this work to do.

- How'd it go?
- Fine.

- Going back? Take a lawyer.
- You got 450 bucks an hour?

Then mind your own business.

- It's this guy.
- Sam's going.

In the middle of a crisis,
what better place for him?

- Two hours. Just do it.
- Was C.J. pissed?

The Chinese ambassador will be in
in a moment.

This ought to be delightful.

Thanks for staying late, Charlie.

I'd like to ask you a question.

How would you feel
about my going on a date with Zoey?

- I'm sorry?
- Zoey said, if I had a free night...

She asked? Should have
put her in the dungeon.

- You don't have one.
- I could build one.

If it's not a problem...

You have picked the worst time
to talk to me about this.

- I think he's here.
- Thank you, sir.

He wants to go out with Zoey.

Shut up!

- Mr. Ambassador.
- Good evening, Mr. President.

Thanks for seeing us
on such short notice.

- Thank you. Good evening, Leo.
- Please, sit down.

It is crucial that we bring about a
cease-fire and a pull-back...

...before this conflict takes
another step.

- We have every hope for your success.
- You do?

- Yes, sir.
- Thank you.

However, I've been instructed to
inform you that China won't allow...

...India's aggression against Kashmir,
as it intensifies the threat...

...of Indian aggressors
on our own border.

- Are you saying China might intervene?
- The Indians must be stopped.

Of course China would like
to see a peaceful solution...

...but we are prepared
to use whatever force is necessary.

This just keeps getting
better and better.

- Did you speak to him?
- Toby? I did.

And? He didn't go for it.

- It wasn't what you were hoping for.
- You told him about women's issues?

Did you tell him enthusiastically?
Did you tell him...?

I told him everything.
He did not warm to the idea.

- Let's go.
- I'm ready.

- Talk to him. Enthusiastically.
- Talk to me about what?

Mandy wants Mike Brace
as a client.

- Is there another Mike Brace?
- Not in the House.

- She knows he's Republican?
- She's pretty bright.

- I'm gonna kill her.
- So, no way?

That's a big 10-4.

Mr. Ambassador,
you know Leo McGarry.

- Good to see you again.
- Terrible circumstances.

Please, sit down.

We're trying to phone
your prime minister without any luck.

The prime minister is occupied
organizing our response... this aggression by India,
but I'll do my best to help you.

I stood at a podium this morning and
condemned the incursion by India.

Your condemnation
could have been stronger.

It might have been...

...if my State Department didn't feel
Indian action was provoked.

I think you're being misinformed.

You deny Pakistani activity
in the neutral zone?

The people of Kashmir are demanding
their rights guaranteed by the U.N.

The recent unrest is the result of an
oppression of a defenseless people.

The people he's talking about
aren't defenseless.

They're carrying the M-16s
we sold them.

The U.S. is committed to finding
a reasonable solution to the dispute.

It is not a dispute, but illegal
occupation by the Indian state.

Whatever the language, I know you
will agree we have to find a way...

...for these countries to exist
in a global community.

That sounds nice, but Pakistan
doesn't wish to exist... a global community
with criminals.

I'd imagine the Indian ambassador
is going to say the same about you.

Be that as it may.

- Thank you for coming.
- Yes, Mr. President.

I'll take the Indian ambassador
in the Oval Office.

Then ask the Secret Service
to step in and kill me, please.

- Zoey walked up and asked him out.
- She's very outgoing.

A dungeon would put an end to that.
You're trying to cover your enjoyment.

- I'm not trying to cover it.
- I'm a father in pain.

Really, you're just a pain.
You got a racial problem?

- A racial problem? I don't.
- Okay.

- I don't have a racial problem.
- Okay.

I'm Spencer Tracy at the end
of Guess Who's Coming to Dinner.

My problem's not racial. She's a girl
and he's not. And he's older.

- She's 19, he's 21.
- A guy learns a lot in those two years.

Tracy was good in that movie.

- You look well.
- I looked better...

...before your country breached
about 14 cease-fire conditions.

Let's sit down and talk.
Charlie, please close the door.

You didn't make a single note?
You're asking...

This is your seventh lawsuit...

...and the fourth time you've
demanded documents that don't exist.

In your investigation
in which you wrote nothing...

It's nice the White House
takes this seriously.

In your investigation, did you find
any evidence of staff drug use?

- No.
- I'd remind you you're under oath.

I'd remind you that's the seventh time
you've reminded him since he sat down.

Are there alcoholics
in the White House?

- I would imagine there are.
- You would imagine?

- Statistics suggest...
- You know for sure there are.


What are their names?
The public has a right to know.

- Drinking isn't illegal.
- I mean a higher standard.

He's not telling you names of people
he knows to be alcoholics. Move on.

Is Leo McGarry an alcoholic?

I won't answer that.

- Has he had treatment for alcoholism?
- I won't answer that.

- Has he had treatment for Valium?
- He's not obligated to answer that.

It's irrelevant
to your cause of action... which you want documents about
drug use in the White House.

We go see the judge right now,
she'll sustain my objection.

During your investigation...

...did you see Secret Service files
of people you were investigating?

- There was no investigation.
- Did you look at these files?

- Yes.
- Including Leo McGarry's?


I have a record you
would have had access to.

How'd you get that?

It says Leo McGarry spent 28 days
in a substance abuse facility.

This is obtained illegally.

That's my problem.
Just answer this question.

In your investigation
of McGarry...

...did you find he was
not only treated for alcoholism...

...he was treated
for Valium addiction as well?

Should we ask a judge about that?

- We're going to postpone this.
- I'm not finished.

We're postponing.

You got a problem,
cite us for contempt.

You should be concerned
with your reputations.

The idea of you standing up
for a man so unqualified...


You're a hack, and if you come after
Leo, I'll bust you like a pinata.

Your frustration is because you can't
control us with economic sanctions.

My frustration is you have nuclear
weapons and a tendency to get cranky.

India will be a nuclear power.
We'll never be dictated to again.

- It was nice spending time with you.
- Thank you, Mr. President.

Thank you.

When he talks about
colonial western imperialism...

...I want to remind him the U.S.
also threw off its colonial masters.

- Why don't you?
- I keep forgetting.

- Is he here? Send him in, please.
- God help me.

John! Thank you for coming.

- How was the flight?
- Intoxicating.

Allow me to present myself.

- I was summoned by your president.
- We've met, 10 or 12 times.

- I'm Leo McGarry.
- I thought you were the butler.

I'm the White House chief of staff.

Would you have a light
for my cigarette?

There's no smoking
in this part of the world.

Really? In this part over here,
we encourage it.

It's "Your Lordship," but it
couldn't make the least difference.

Tell me, how can I be
of service?

If it's within my power to give,
you shall have it.

- We need your take on the situation.
- What is your take on the situation?

The world's coming apart
at the seams.

Then, thank God you sent for me.


His name is Lord John Marbury,
the hereditary Earl of Sherlbourne.

He's related to a former viceroy...

...and served as the
Queen's minister to India or Pakistan.

He's here to counsel the president.

If you think this sounds
like an operetta, I don't blame you.

- Thank you. Yes?
- Toby's here.


I feel I didn't properly articulate
my argument.

Either I'm a trusted staff member
or not. What was your argument?

- That was my argument.
- That wasn't.

That was, a little while ago,
when I was arguing in my head.

- Are you apologizing?
- Yes.


- What?
- Apologize.

- I'm sorry!
- God.

I was trying to do it nicer than that.

- Whose idea was it?
- Mine.

You said, "India invaded.
Let's not tell C.J. "?

- I didn't say it like that.
- How'd you say it?

I said it nicer.

I didn't expect you back so soon.
Did everything go okay?

No, actually, it didn't. Thanks.

- You're back.
- Toby apologized to me, in his way.

I need to tell you guys something.

- Did you talk to him?
- What?

- Did you talk to him?
- It's a bad idea.

- Did you tell him about...?
- No.

You're the champion
of bipartisan cooperation...

Leo's in trouble.

You're a consultant. Your job isn't
to end the fight. It's to win it.

You can work for us or for them,
but you can't do both.

- Let's go.
- I'm ready.

I think that's nonsense.

You're overestimating the possibility
of escalation...

- ...beyond the point we're at now.
- Interesting.

- Thank you.
- What is your name again?

Ensconced in the cocoon
of your Cold War victory... are ignorant
of the powerful agents in Asia.

The free market created an illusion
that the world is drawing closer.

Your congress is inept at halting
nuclear weapon proliferation there...

...and your intelligence gathering
is weak.

India and Pakistan have fought three
wars since they gained independence...

...with God knows how many
skirmishes in between.

It is about religion.

I can assure you they do not share
our fear of the bomb.

I have a telephone call.
May I take it, please, in your foyer?

- Go ahead.
- Thank you.

I don't even think the accent's real.

I'm going to ask him to stay
and help us out.

- For how long?
- You are going to become good friends.

- He thinks I'm the butler.
- The first couple of weeks, so did I.

- Excuse me.
- Hello, Margaret.

What do you need?

Would you excuse me for a moment?

- What's going on?
- It didn't go well.

Claypool's got your records
from rehab.

He must have got them
from Lillienfield.

I was about to perjure myself,
so Sam ended the deposition.

Claypool will call a reporter.
You're going to read about this.

I wanted to ask you,
does your family know?

- If they don't, Leo...
- They know.

- The president?
- Yes.

You ready for this?


Then we're here for whatever you need.
We just wanted to tell you that.

- He still on the phone?
- Yes, sir.

Do you need anything?

I can't remember
a quote from Revelations.

I can't help you.
I've never read Revelations.

- Why not?
- Never got around to it.

Say, listen....

My hesitation about you and Zoey,
it's not because you're black.

I thought it was because I'm a guy.

- It is.
- I understand.

I want you to go out with her
if that's what you want.

- I'd like to.
- That's fine.

- Thank you.
- Just remember two things:

She's 19,
and the 82nd Airborne works for me.

- Yes, sir.
- Also this, no kidding.

You go out with Zoey,
you'll get your picture taken.

There will be people not wild about
you and the president's daughter.

You know what to do
with the mail, right?

All right.

- You keep your head up.
- Yes, sir.

I should have built a dungeon.

Revelations. It's about a horse,
and Death was on it.

I really never read it.
Should I go check it out?

Yes, please. Thank you, Charlie.

Good. I want you all to meet John.

Before Lord Fauntleroy...
Whatever. Before he comes back...

...I wanted to tell you
Josh's deposition did not go well.

The story will probably break soon.

- How you doing?
- I'm fine.

Don't ever forget
the battles you fought and won.

I'm back, and I believe there are
many more people in the room.

Excellent deducing, Your Lordship.

The call was from the British
U.N. ambassador.

He thinks there'll be
a cease-fire resolution soon.

I'd heard that,
but all they got was two weeks.

It's two weeks better than nothing.

I was hoping you'd stick around
a couple days and help us out.

However long it takes
is as long as I shall serve.

Let's play it by ear.

You're all frightened,
as well you should be.

Not since the Protestant-Catholic wars
has Western society...

...known anything comparable to the
subcontinent's religious malevolence.

To a lesser observer, the intensity
of the emotional frenzy... so illogical
as to border on mass psychosis.

But as has been said by kings and
queens, I am not a lesser observer.

There's a quote from Revelations...

"And I beheld a pale horse, and the
name that sat on him was Death...

...and Hell followed with him. "

Are you frightened, John?

Do you mean, do I think we can
stop a war in the next two weeks?

- Yes.
- Good.


...I shall require a light.