The Wayans Bros. (1995–1999): Season 2, Episode 1 - Shawn Takes a New Stand - full transcript
Hey, Shawn. What's the difference
between Michael Jackson...
-And Casper the Friendly Ghost?
-What?
One is white, scares little children,
and then he disappears...
And the other one... Is just a ghost!
You know? Michael Jackson...
[Imitating Michael Jackson's scream]
Aw, forget it, Pops.
Worst than I whought.
He's just mad 'cause
he got laid off!
Go ahead, Mighty Mouth!
Why don't you say it a little bit louder?
A couple of people in the lobby didn't hear you!
-What's up, Lou?
-Hey Shawn, I heard you got laid off.
Tough luck, kid!
Marlon, what'd you do?
Tell the whole building I got laid off?
-Me?
-Hey, my deepest condolences
on getting fired, man!
So he's the one that got the boot? Hm...
-Pop's and his big mouth!
-Yeah!
Hey Cliff, you mind if I check out
the want ads?
Fifty cents, Deadbeat!
That's whats wrong with you Williams kids,
looking for a hand out.
Always something for nothing!
I remember when you two wild brats used
to run around on this lobby floor,
and I said then, you'd amount to no good,
and I was right!
-If you ask me--
-Nobody's asking...
Shamu!
And for the record, this Deadbeat has been
working since he was 16 years old,
and by the end of the day,
I'll be working again!
-I won't hold my breath!
-Why not?
You'd make so many people,
so much happier!
Hey, Marlon, check it out!
Look at this picture of
the lady that got mugged around the corner.
-Damn, she looks messed up!
-No. That's Chelsea Clinton,
I'm talking about the other one.
Poor thing was robbed in
broad daylight,
while fifteen people stood around,
doing nothing!
Hmm, that's a damn shame!
You see? That's what's wrong
with this city.
People get mugged and nobody cares!
-Right on, Brother!
-Brother get's laid off...
Nobody cares!
Guy can't get a girl...
Nobody cares!
See, the problem is, it's a selfish world,
and everybody's looking out for numero uno.
I'm not talking about a fine girl,
just a female.
I mean, she could be mentally
challenged. I don't care!
I mean, why can't we open our eyes,
to the world around us?
I mean, if somebody's hurt or in pain,
why can't we lend them a helping hand?, Huh?
♪ Reach out and touch,
Somebody's hand...♪
Sing it, Crustache!
It's up to each and every one of us
to make a difference.
♪ Make this world a better place,
if you can--♪
Will you STOP!
♪... in the name of love, before
you break--♪
Cut it out!
What I'm trying to say
here people is,
We have the power
to change the world!
And it starts right here,
in this lobby!
Look around you. See if you see
somebody in need.
I'm not even asking for a fancy
schmancy office building
with a beautiful secretary...
It'd be nice.
Sean, it's Cliff, man!
Oh, my God!
-What happened?
-I know!
I think his water broke!
♪ We're brothers ♪
♪ We're happy, and we're singing,
and we're colored... ♪
♪ Give me a high-five! ♪
Alright, cut and print!
Beautiful, guys!
Dynamite! That is--
Okay!
Break it up!
Shows over!
The man died. You've all got lives,
even if he doesn't.
Move it!
Boy, Pop.
I've never seen nobody die before.
I mean,
One minute, the guy was here, and
the next minute, he was just gone.
Son, there are things in this world
no man can avoid.
Death, taxes, and the Jehovah
Witnesses knocking on your door!
Nobody's gonna miss old Cliff.
I think he was the meanest man alive.
Now he's dead!
Hold it, Sticky Fingers!
Those papers are fifty cents each!
So? There was no one there
to take the money.
Shawn, take the thief's money!
That's ten papers, that'll be $5.
Hey, I didn't kill the guy.
What are you looking at me for?
'Cause, I've never seen a squirrel
lie so still before.
You might want to tuck the feet in.
It's just what Cliff would've said.
Come on son.
You can go through your five days
of grief, while you wash the dishes.
Freeze, Mister! I've got you covered!
I know you got take-out menus
in there somewhere,
'Cause every time you make a delivery,
you toss them on my lobby floor!
I will not stand for litter!
Not in my lobby! Not on my watch!
You got that!
Okay, you're clean. Get moving!
Okay, smart guy! There's only one way down,
and I'm waiting!
If I were not already
a lucrative locksmith,
I'd buy this news stand,
faster than you can fry a goat.
Seriously, you really think this
news stand is a good investment?
Are you kidding me?
This is a prime location.
Much through traffic,
very low overhead.
I'm telling you, Shawn.
We are looking at one big fat
cow of cash.
Lady, we talking about
the news stand, not you!
I'm telling you Pop, this news stands
gonna be a gold mine!
But, son, running a small business,
is hard work,
I mean, hard work!
-Day!... Night!... Night!... Day!--
-Right, Pops!
-Are you sure you're up for it?
-Of course I am!
I want to make my mark on the world.
Yeah, not just in the snow.
Look, Pops,
ever since I was a little kid,
I always had a dream of
being somebody, of making something
of myself,
and this news stand
could be my first step.
Son! You are a chip off the old block!
Did I ever tell you boys,
how I got started at the diner?
[Shawn & Marlon]
-Yes, Pop!
Oh, back in 1965--
[Blender motor]
Now drink that! before I
frappé your face!
So, Pops. So back to my business proposal.
What do you think?
It does make sense son.
And with the restaurant next door,
I could stop by... Give advice...
Keep you on track!
No, no, no, Pops.
You stay in the restaurant.
I want to run this business, by myself.
Well, you better get your
three grand, by yourself!
Take my money... Take my mouth!
On second thought,
a man with your experience
would be an asset to my business.
It's a deal!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait.
This is phat! I mean,
Shawn has his news stand,
and Pop, who knows what
I'mma do with my three-thousand?
-Your three-thousand?
-Yeah!
-Where are you gonna get $3,000?
-From you!
I mean, you gave it to Shawn.
You gotta give it to me.
Why?
Because, we're brothers.
Well, so are Tito and Jermaine,
but I'm not giving them $3,000!
-But, Pops?
-No buts!
Shawn came to me, like a
business man with a plan!
He's got a dream. I believe
in a man with a dream.
-Well I've got a dream too!
-And what is your dream?
-Pops is gonna give me $3,000.
Well, you better wake your little
narrow butt up
'cause I'm not gonna give you... a dime!
Come on, Pops! See. Just admit it.
You like Shawn, better.
This ain't got nothing to do with me
liking Shawn better!
Pop's is right, eventhough, he does!
You see, Pop? It's just like that time
we was kids,
and Shawn stole that leather jacket,
and you blamed me for it!
-When?
-You know!
That time you lost your job again,
and Thelma made that lumpy oatmeal--
Marlon! Marlon! Hey! Hey! Hey!
-What?
-That wasn't us.
That was an old episode of Good Times.
My bad.
Hey, Pops, we better get out of here,
before the bank closes.
I'm right behind ya.. Partner!
-Oh, I like the sound of that!
-Me too--
-Partner! Paper!
-Partner! Paper!
Paper! Partner!
Oh, phooey!
Who needs your stupid money?
I got brains and plenty of them too!
I'm gonna be somebody!
You'll see.
Oneday, success will be written
all over this face.
Hey, look who's open for business!
Hey Shawn, me and Reggie got you
a little welcome to the lobby gift.
For me? Aww, guys.
Oh, this is...
This is just...
What is it?
It's a roach motel!
We're open to the street. A person can
stomp only so many times a day.
Thank you very much! Every time I think of
a roach with the back of his feet kicking..
I'll think of you guys.
Thank you very much sir. Come again.
Oh, thank you sir, thank you.
Come again and again.
Come on, man! See I can do that.
Come on, man, let me
work here with you?
You need me, I'm a people person.
Hey! Who do you have to know to get a refill?
Oh, chill, Moms Mabley,
I'm talking to my brother!
Just what you need,
some more caffeine.
See what I'm saying?
Come on, man,
let me work here with you, Shawn?
Pops don't respect me.
Look, Marlon, I'm sure you'd be great.
But Pops really needs you at the diner.
Marlon!
And I think he needs you, right now.
Get your skinny butt back to work
before I make it a whole lot skinnier!
-What?
-I'm tired of you yelling at me!
-You tired?
-I'm tired!
I got something else your
probably be tired of.
-Alright...
-Here!
-Are you okay?
-Yup!
I'm fine. Never felt better.
I just quit!
-You quit?
-Yup!
That's right. I'm through!
No more taking orders.
No more being on time.
No more hard work!
From now on, I'm all yours... Boss!
Hey, what's up kid?
So, I gotta tell you man,
I really dig this job.
I mean, it's so stimulating
to your brain.
I feel so much smarter, already.
Damn!
Is this what they mean by
Silicon Valley?
Will you put that away,
before you go blind?
We got a lot of work to do, man.
Now, you have any questions?
Yeah... When's my break?
Are you crazy?
You ain't getting no break!
We got a lot of work to do.
Look, we gotta restock the shelevs,
we got inventory, we got--
balancing the cash register,
we got taking care of customers...
legs?...
Naw, those aren't just legs,
those are legs.
Yeah, why don't you use your legs
to go restock that magazine shelf?
My head is pounding. I need aspirin.
I'm sorry, baby, I don't sell aspirin.
As if I'd be dense enough to purchase
pharmaceuticals at a news stand.
Let me explain myself...
I am not a customer. I am in pain.
This is a cry for help.
Hmm. Well, let me explain myself...
This is a news stand, not the free clinic.
Fine!
Since you can not give me any aspirin,
-Can you at least give me change for some?
-Sure.
Ohh, I get it. Another cry for help?
Ha-ha!
It's not like I'm begging.
I am good for it.
Just look at these shoes!
You borrow those too?
Damn, kid, she's a dime.
Wha'd she say?
She said give me a damn quarter, boy!
She let you give her a quarter?
Mr. Arnovitz, there's no need to
take that tone,
you will have this month's rent.
Well, I've just landed
the most fabulous position
at a very prestigious law firm.
And I'm Marla Maples Trump.
So, if you'll kindly unchain your people
from my front door,
we can all get on with our lives.
Well, certainly my word is just as good
as a cashier's check.
Hello?
Hello?
Did you really think he'd buy
that fabulous job crock?
Do you always eavesdrop
on private conversations?
Why do you think I'm
next to the phone?
And what is this?
My personal I.O.U.
for the quarter.
"Monique Lattimore"?
Lattimore--
Why does that name sound so familiar?
Does it?
Oh, I know what I'm thinking of.
I'm thinking of that weasel guy,
Manfred Lattimore, you know that dude
who got busted for embezzling millions?
He was convicted
on a technicality.
The system couldn't handle
a black man with power,
so they threw him
behind bars...
And froze all his assets.
Now, why is she all choked up
about a jailbird with a frozen ass?
My guess is that jailbird
is her father.
Yeah, but how'd his booty get cold?
Hey girl.
Hey, I don't sell aspirin,
but I do have kleenex.
Take one. It's on the house.
I don't usually
make it a habit
of falling apart
in front of strangers.
Well, do you mind undressing
in front of them?
I'm going to go clean the counter.
Well, I'm Shawn.
No longer a stranger.
Fell free to fall apart.
That job interview...
just like all the rest.
The minute they see
the name Lattimore,
it's "Thank you, and
goodbye, Sally."
Well, did you tell them
your father was innocent?
Why? The man's guilty as sin,
but now I'm broke,
and no one will hire me.
Come on, don't cry. Don't cry.
I know what it's like
to be out of work.
Hey, I got an idea.
I heard they need a salesgirl
down at the card shop.
Excuse me?
I did not attend the finest prep schools
on the East Coast to become a...
salesgirl!
I can't believe they
made me wear this smock,
as if selling Garfield cards
wasn't humiliating enough.
Very nice shoes
you got there, Miss.
-Ferragamos?
-Why, yes!
Unfortunately, they're last season's.
Gee, maybe Imelda Marcos
has formed a support group.
Would you like, perhaps, a nice
genuine leather bag
to go with those shoes?
For you, only $14.95.
-For Anne Klein?
-Just about...
"Anne Clone."
Reggie has like a little
retail business on the side.
If it's been knocked off, ripped off,
or fell off a truck, Reggie's got it.
Oh, wait! Perhaps you'd
like Bolex watches...
-Obsessive perfume.
-I don't wear it.
Oh, no, no, no.
You've heard of Nikes?
I have...
Likes! They're just Likee Nikes.
I think not.
I have "Guess Who" jeans.
I have Louis Futon luggage.
If you ever get stuck in
and airpot, it makes into a bed!
Now, am I crazy, or was Monique
checking me out through that diner window?
[All]
You're crazy!
Completely out of your mind!
Son, I'm not so sure I want my
$3,000 investment
put in Marlon's hands.
Relax, Pops. He'll catch on.
Yeah...
Unless you want him
back at the diner with you.
You're right. He'll catch on.
Hi. Do you sell, like, magazine?
Like, I think we do.
Oh good! Would you, like, have the one
with that lady on the cover
you know, the famous one?
Like, I think I'm all sold out right now.
-Bummer!
-Totally!
Man, what are you doing?
You ain't supposed to be treating
customers like that!
You're supposed to be friendly to them.
Sell them something. Sell them a paper.
Look man, the only kind of paper
that girl wants
Is the kind that roll
between the fingers, alright?
You know what, I don't trust you.
I'mma stick around for a while.
Ah, come on man, shake the spot.
I don't need you breathing down my neck.
Come on man. I'd do better without you.
-You sure?
-Yes, go!
All right. Watch.
Hey, good afternoon sir.
Step right up. Don't be shy.
-What can I help you today with, sir?
-Give me the money!
The money. The money. You know what,
we're all sold out of the money magazine.
But we do have Business Week
and The Wall Street Journal.
Open the cash drawer, Moron,
and give me the money!
I've got a gun!
Ah, man, look, I'm new at this, man.
Why don't you just wait an hour
and come back.
My brother will be here.
He's a much better victim.
Give me the money, stupid!
Okay, okay, um...
Come on! Come on!
Come on!
-Why's it always the last button you push?
-Hurry up.
Now, would you like small or large
denominations, sir?
I want it all, stupid!
Oh, a cop. Damn it!
Aye, whoa whoa, I don't do that
on the first date.
One slip, and you'll never date again.
Okay... Just don't tell nobody, all right?
How's it going, Marlon?
Fine!
Fine.
Marlon, do you carry
international Vogue?
Um, international Vogue?
You know what? We're all
sold out right now.
Try the news stand on 6th street,
right next to the police station.
Or try right there, on the third shelf.
Eh-heh. I was here before, right?
No.
Oh... Okay.
Sorry. Smallest I have is a 20.
You know what? Just keep it.
It's on the house.
As a matter of fact, everything
is on the house! Everything is free!
Today's special--
Everything free!
I see you, slimebucket!
Turn around, put your hands in the air!
He's got a gun!
And all our money!
Get him, Marlon!
Freeze!
Not you, him!
Get him, Marlon.
Get the gun.
Get the gun.
Tag, you're it!
Nice work, guys.
-He's all yours, Lou.
-Boys!
Boys!
Is everything alright?
[Both]
Yes, Pops!
Marlon, after today, I think it's best
you come and work in the diner with me.
No way, Pops. Marlon showed me
he could really handle himself.
Yeah, for a minute, I didn't think
I'd be able to handle myself again.
From now on, I want my little brother
back at the news stand, with me.
And I want my little boy
back at the diner, with me!
-But I want him back with me.
-My baby, my boy!
Hey, hey... boys, boys, boys, boys, boys.
-You don't have to fight about it.
-Okay. We'll let Marlon decide.
Pop, I love you. But I don't think Shawn
could do it by himself.
Marlon, I know the robbery is over, but
I can still have these for free, can't I?
On second thought, we can share him.
You take him first!
You take him
for the first three months.
No, he's all yours!
Don't be so kind!
Hey, Shawn, man, I still say we've
gotta reconsider this news stand thing.
We made $24 profit.
$24
We're rich! Ha ha!
Yeah, baby!
Let's go put it in the bank
so we can collect some interest.
Shawn we are gonna get paid!
Look out, New York!
Here we come!
-Had to get my jacket.
-Oh, yeah, thanks.
Look up, Marlon.
Say cheese!
between Michael Jackson...
-And Casper the Friendly Ghost?
-What?
One is white, scares little children,
and then he disappears...
And the other one... Is just a ghost!
You know? Michael Jackson...
[Imitating Michael Jackson's scream]
Aw, forget it, Pops.
Worst than I whought.
He's just mad 'cause
he got laid off!
Go ahead, Mighty Mouth!
Why don't you say it a little bit louder?
A couple of people in the lobby didn't hear you!
-What's up, Lou?
-Hey Shawn, I heard you got laid off.
Tough luck, kid!
Marlon, what'd you do?
Tell the whole building I got laid off?
-Me?
-Hey, my deepest condolences
on getting fired, man!
So he's the one that got the boot? Hm...
-Pop's and his big mouth!
-Yeah!
Hey Cliff, you mind if I check out
the want ads?
Fifty cents, Deadbeat!
That's whats wrong with you Williams kids,
looking for a hand out.
Always something for nothing!
I remember when you two wild brats used
to run around on this lobby floor,
and I said then, you'd amount to no good,
and I was right!
-If you ask me--
-Nobody's asking...
Shamu!
And for the record, this Deadbeat has been
working since he was 16 years old,
and by the end of the day,
I'll be working again!
-I won't hold my breath!
-Why not?
You'd make so many people,
so much happier!
Hey, Marlon, check it out!
Look at this picture of
the lady that got mugged around the corner.
-Damn, she looks messed up!
-No. That's Chelsea Clinton,
I'm talking about the other one.
Poor thing was robbed in
broad daylight,
while fifteen people stood around,
doing nothing!
Hmm, that's a damn shame!
You see? That's what's wrong
with this city.
People get mugged and nobody cares!
-Right on, Brother!
-Brother get's laid off...
Nobody cares!
Guy can't get a girl...
Nobody cares!
See, the problem is, it's a selfish world,
and everybody's looking out for numero uno.
I'm not talking about a fine girl,
just a female.
I mean, she could be mentally
challenged. I don't care!
I mean, why can't we open our eyes,
to the world around us?
I mean, if somebody's hurt or in pain,
why can't we lend them a helping hand?, Huh?
♪ Reach out and touch,
Somebody's hand...♪
Sing it, Crustache!
It's up to each and every one of us
to make a difference.
♪ Make this world a better place,
if you can--♪
Will you STOP!
♪... in the name of love, before
you break--♪
Cut it out!
What I'm trying to say
here people is,
We have the power
to change the world!
And it starts right here,
in this lobby!
Look around you. See if you see
somebody in need.
I'm not even asking for a fancy
schmancy office building
with a beautiful secretary...
It'd be nice.
Sean, it's Cliff, man!
Oh, my God!
-What happened?
-I know!
I think his water broke!
♪ We're brothers ♪
♪ We're happy, and we're singing,
and we're colored... ♪
♪ Give me a high-five! ♪
Alright, cut and print!
Beautiful, guys!
Dynamite! That is--
Okay!
Break it up!
Shows over!
The man died. You've all got lives,
even if he doesn't.
Move it!
Boy, Pop.
I've never seen nobody die before.
I mean,
One minute, the guy was here, and
the next minute, he was just gone.
Son, there are things in this world
no man can avoid.
Death, taxes, and the Jehovah
Witnesses knocking on your door!
Nobody's gonna miss old Cliff.
I think he was the meanest man alive.
Now he's dead!
Hold it, Sticky Fingers!
Those papers are fifty cents each!
So? There was no one there
to take the money.
Shawn, take the thief's money!
That's ten papers, that'll be $5.
Hey, I didn't kill the guy.
What are you looking at me for?
'Cause, I've never seen a squirrel
lie so still before.
You might want to tuck the feet in.
It's just what Cliff would've said.
Come on son.
You can go through your five days
of grief, while you wash the dishes.
Freeze, Mister! I've got you covered!
I know you got take-out menus
in there somewhere,
'Cause every time you make a delivery,
you toss them on my lobby floor!
I will not stand for litter!
Not in my lobby! Not on my watch!
You got that!
Okay, you're clean. Get moving!
Okay, smart guy! There's only one way down,
and I'm waiting!
If I were not already
a lucrative locksmith,
I'd buy this news stand,
faster than you can fry a goat.
Seriously, you really think this
news stand is a good investment?
Are you kidding me?
This is a prime location.
Much through traffic,
very low overhead.
I'm telling you, Shawn.
We are looking at one big fat
cow of cash.
Lady, we talking about
the news stand, not you!
I'm telling you Pop, this news stands
gonna be a gold mine!
But, son, running a small business,
is hard work,
I mean, hard work!
-Day!... Night!... Night!... Day!--
-Right, Pops!
-Are you sure you're up for it?
-Of course I am!
I want to make my mark on the world.
Yeah, not just in the snow.
Look, Pops,
ever since I was a little kid,
I always had a dream of
being somebody, of making something
of myself,
and this news stand
could be my first step.
Son! You are a chip off the old block!
Did I ever tell you boys,
how I got started at the diner?
[Shawn & Marlon]
-Yes, Pop!
Oh, back in 1965--
[Blender motor]
Now drink that! before I
frappé your face!
So, Pops. So back to my business proposal.
What do you think?
It does make sense son.
And with the restaurant next door,
I could stop by... Give advice...
Keep you on track!
No, no, no, Pops.
You stay in the restaurant.
I want to run this business, by myself.
Well, you better get your
three grand, by yourself!
Take my money... Take my mouth!
On second thought,
a man with your experience
would be an asset to my business.
It's a deal!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait.
This is phat! I mean,
Shawn has his news stand,
and Pop, who knows what
I'mma do with my three-thousand?
-Your three-thousand?
-Yeah!
-Where are you gonna get $3,000?
-From you!
I mean, you gave it to Shawn.
You gotta give it to me.
Why?
Because, we're brothers.
Well, so are Tito and Jermaine,
but I'm not giving them $3,000!
-But, Pops?
-No buts!
Shawn came to me, like a
business man with a plan!
He's got a dream. I believe
in a man with a dream.
-Well I've got a dream too!
-And what is your dream?
-Pops is gonna give me $3,000.
Well, you better wake your little
narrow butt up
'cause I'm not gonna give you... a dime!
Come on, Pops! See. Just admit it.
You like Shawn, better.
This ain't got nothing to do with me
liking Shawn better!
Pop's is right, eventhough, he does!
You see, Pop? It's just like that time
we was kids,
and Shawn stole that leather jacket,
and you blamed me for it!
-When?
-You know!
That time you lost your job again,
and Thelma made that lumpy oatmeal--
Marlon! Marlon! Hey! Hey! Hey!
-What?
-That wasn't us.
That was an old episode of Good Times.
My bad.
Hey, Pops, we better get out of here,
before the bank closes.
I'm right behind ya.. Partner!
-Oh, I like the sound of that!
-Me too--
-Partner! Paper!
-Partner! Paper!
Paper! Partner!
Oh, phooey!
Who needs your stupid money?
I got brains and plenty of them too!
I'm gonna be somebody!
You'll see.
Oneday, success will be written
all over this face.
Hey, look who's open for business!
Hey Shawn, me and Reggie got you
a little welcome to the lobby gift.
For me? Aww, guys.
Oh, this is...
This is just...
What is it?
It's a roach motel!
We're open to the street. A person can
stomp only so many times a day.
Thank you very much! Every time I think of
a roach with the back of his feet kicking..
I'll think of you guys.
Thank you very much sir. Come again.
Oh, thank you sir, thank you.
Come again and again.
Come on, man! See I can do that.
Come on, man, let me
work here with you?
You need me, I'm a people person.
Hey! Who do you have to know to get a refill?
Oh, chill, Moms Mabley,
I'm talking to my brother!
Just what you need,
some more caffeine.
See what I'm saying?
Come on, man,
let me work here with you, Shawn?
Pops don't respect me.
Look, Marlon, I'm sure you'd be great.
But Pops really needs you at the diner.
Marlon!
And I think he needs you, right now.
Get your skinny butt back to work
before I make it a whole lot skinnier!
-What?
-I'm tired of you yelling at me!
-You tired?
-I'm tired!
I got something else your
probably be tired of.
-Alright...
-Here!
-Are you okay?
-Yup!
I'm fine. Never felt better.
I just quit!
-You quit?
-Yup!
That's right. I'm through!
No more taking orders.
No more being on time.
No more hard work!
From now on, I'm all yours... Boss!
Hey, what's up kid?
So, I gotta tell you man,
I really dig this job.
I mean, it's so stimulating
to your brain.
I feel so much smarter, already.
Damn!
Is this what they mean by
Silicon Valley?
Will you put that away,
before you go blind?
We got a lot of work to do, man.
Now, you have any questions?
Yeah... When's my break?
Are you crazy?
You ain't getting no break!
We got a lot of work to do.
Look, we gotta restock the shelevs,
we got inventory, we got--
balancing the cash register,
we got taking care of customers...
legs?...
Naw, those aren't just legs,
those are legs.
Yeah, why don't you use your legs
to go restock that magazine shelf?
My head is pounding. I need aspirin.
I'm sorry, baby, I don't sell aspirin.
As if I'd be dense enough to purchase
pharmaceuticals at a news stand.
Let me explain myself...
I am not a customer. I am in pain.
This is a cry for help.
Hmm. Well, let me explain myself...
This is a news stand, not the free clinic.
Fine!
Since you can not give me any aspirin,
-Can you at least give me change for some?
-Sure.
Ohh, I get it. Another cry for help?
Ha-ha!
It's not like I'm begging.
I am good for it.
Just look at these shoes!
You borrow those too?
Damn, kid, she's a dime.
Wha'd she say?
She said give me a damn quarter, boy!
She let you give her a quarter?
Mr. Arnovitz, there's no need to
take that tone,
you will have this month's rent.
Well, I've just landed
the most fabulous position
at a very prestigious law firm.
And I'm Marla Maples Trump.
So, if you'll kindly unchain your people
from my front door,
we can all get on with our lives.
Well, certainly my word is just as good
as a cashier's check.
Hello?
Hello?
Did you really think he'd buy
that fabulous job crock?
Do you always eavesdrop
on private conversations?
Why do you think I'm
next to the phone?
And what is this?
My personal I.O.U.
for the quarter.
"Monique Lattimore"?
Lattimore--
Why does that name sound so familiar?
Does it?
Oh, I know what I'm thinking of.
I'm thinking of that weasel guy,
Manfred Lattimore, you know that dude
who got busted for embezzling millions?
He was convicted
on a technicality.
The system couldn't handle
a black man with power,
so they threw him
behind bars...
And froze all his assets.
Now, why is she all choked up
about a jailbird with a frozen ass?
My guess is that jailbird
is her father.
Yeah, but how'd his booty get cold?
Hey girl.
Hey, I don't sell aspirin,
but I do have kleenex.
Take one. It's on the house.
I don't usually
make it a habit
of falling apart
in front of strangers.
Well, do you mind undressing
in front of them?
I'm going to go clean the counter.
Well, I'm Shawn.
No longer a stranger.
Fell free to fall apart.
That job interview...
just like all the rest.
The minute they see
the name Lattimore,
it's "Thank you, and
goodbye, Sally."
Well, did you tell them
your father was innocent?
Why? The man's guilty as sin,
but now I'm broke,
and no one will hire me.
Come on, don't cry. Don't cry.
I know what it's like
to be out of work.
Hey, I got an idea.
I heard they need a salesgirl
down at the card shop.
Excuse me?
I did not attend the finest prep schools
on the East Coast to become a...
salesgirl!
I can't believe they
made me wear this smock,
as if selling Garfield cards
wasn't humiliating enough.
Very nice shoes
you got there, Miss.
-Ferragamos?
-Why, yes!
Unfortunately, they're last season's.
Gee, maybe Imelda Marcos
has formed a support group.
Would you like, perhaps, a nice
genuine leather bag
to go with those shoes?
For you, only $14.95.
-For Anne Klein?
-Just about...
"Anne Clone."
Reggie has like a little
retail business on the side.
If it's been knocked off, ripped off,
or fell off a truck, Reggie's got it.
Oh, wait! Perhaps you'd
like Bolex watches...
-Obsessive perfume.
-I don't wear it.
Oh, no, no, no.
You've heard of Nikes?
I have...
Likes! They're just Likee Nikes.
I think not.
I have "Guess Who" jeans.
I have Louis Futon luggage.
If you ever get stuck in
and airpot, it makes into a bed!
Now, am I crazy, or was Monique
checking me out through that diner window?
[All]
You're crazy!
Completely out of your mind!
Son, I'm not so sure I want my
$3,000 investment
put in Marlon's hands.
Relax, Pops. He'll catch on.
Yeah...
Unless you want him
back at the diner with you.
You're right. He'll catch on.
Hi. Do you sell, like, magazine?
Like, I think we do.
Oh good! Would you, like, have the one
with that lady on the cover
you know, the famous one?
Like, I think I'm all sold out right now.
-Bummer!
-Totally!
Man, what are you doing?
You ain't supposed to be treating
customers like that!
You're supposed to be friendly to them.
Sell them something. Sell them a paper.
Look man, the only kind of paper
that girl wants
Is the kind that roll
between the fingers, alright?
You know what, I don't trust you.
I'mma stick around for a while.
Ah, come on man, shake the spot.
I don't need you breathing down my neck.
Come on man. I'd do better without you.
-You sure?
-Yes, go!
All right. Watch.
Hey, good afternoon sir.
Step right up. Don't be shy.
-What can I help you today with, sir?
-Give me the money!
The money. The money. You know what,
we're all sold out of the money magazine.
But we do have Business Week
and The Wall Street Journal.
Open the cash drawer, Moron,
and give me the money!
I've got a gun!
Ah, man, look, I'm new at this, man.
Why don't you just wait an hour
and come back.
My brother will be here.
He's a much better victim.
Give me the money, stupid!
Okay, okay, um...
Come on! Come on!
Come on!
-Why's it always the last button you push?
-Hurry up.
Now, would you like small or large
denominations, sir?
I want it all, stupid!
Oh, a cop. Damn it!
Aye, whoa whoa, I don't do that
on the first date.
One slip, and you'll never date again.
Okay... Just don't tell nobody, all right?
How's it going, Marlon?
Fine!
Fine.
Marlon, do you carry
international Vogue?
Um, international Vogue?
You know what? We're all
sold out right now.
Try the news stand on 6th street,
right next to the police station.
Or try right there, on the third shelf.
Eh-heh. I was here before, right?
No.
Oh... Okay.
Sorry. Smallest I have is a 20.
You know what? Just keep it.
It's on the house.
As a matter of fact, everything
is on the house! Everything is free!
Today's special--
Everything free!
I see you, slimebucket!
Turn around, put your hands in the air!
He's got a gun!
And all our money!
Get him, Marlon!
Freeze!
Not you, him!
Get him, Marlon.
Get the gun.
Get the gun.
Tag, you're it!
Nice work, guys.
-He's all yours, Lou.
-Boys!
Boys!
Is everything alright?
[Both]
Yes, Pops!
Marlon, after today, I think it's best
you come and work in the diner with me.
No way, Pops. Marlon showed me
he could really handle himself.
Yeah, for a minute, I didn't think
I'd be able to handle myself again.
From now on, I want my little brother
back at the news stand, with me.
And I want my little boy
back at the diner, with me!
-But I want him back with me.
-My baby, my boy!
Hey, hey... boys, boys, boys, boys, boys.
-You don't have to fight about it.
-Okay. We'll let Marlon decide.
Pop, I love you. But I don't think Shawn
could do it by himself.
Marlon, I know the robbery is over, but
I can still have these for free, can't I?
On second thought, we can share him.
You take him first!
You take him
for the first three months.
No, he's all yours!
Don't be so kind!
Hey, Shawn, man, I still say we've
gotta reconsider this news stand thing.
We made $24 profit.
$24
We're rich! Ha ha!
Yeah, baby!
Let's go put it in the bank
so we can collect some interest.
Shawn we are gonna get paid!
Look out, New York!
Here we come!
-Had to get my jacket.
-Oh, yeah, thanks.
Look up, Marlon.
Say cheese!