The Watch (2020–…): Season 1, Episode 7 - Nowhere in the Multiverse - full transcript
Why are you trying to change
people who don't want to be changed?
If you want change,
you need power.
Anybody who wants power
that bad shouldn’t have it.
That would make you
the perfect leader, wouldn't it?
You still don't have
everything you need, Carcer.
We have no idea
how many artefacts there are.
- There's just one more.
- And it's you.
If this turns purple, you've
got Octiron in your blood.
- What does that mean?
- It's normal.
If he's not the third artefact,
then who is?
You know, Lady Ramkin,
Skimmer often brags about how
easy it was to throttle your mother.
Can you guarantee
my safety, Captain?
Cruces is gone. It's not Dr
Cruces that I'm worried about.
Who is she?
Find us the worst version of Sam Vimes
and we'll make him murder
Sybil Ramkin.
We've found him!
Go.
A wizard was choking
on a poison pill.
I had to push my fingers down
his throat to prevent regurgitation.
I love that word.
Regurgitation.
He wanted to live so badly
he bit off my finger.
I wanted him to die so badly
I let him.
Believe in anything
that much, Vimes?
The Watch?
Yourself?
You stay in this city,
you're a dead man.
Isn't that true of us both?
Yes, I thought
I recognised that.
The Watch Captain's badge is a
precious relic in our Guild's culture.
Remember King Veltrick?
The founder of The Watch?
He was wearing that
when an assassin cut his throat.
How appropriate that you'll be wearing
it when your time comes, Captain.
So you just let him walk?
If Carrot's right, Carcer's been to the
future and he knows our every move.
We don't even know
where he is or...
Or who or what's helping him.
So justice
doesn't matter anymore?
Whoever that third artefact is, Carcer
is closer to finding them than we are.
We're in no shape
to take in prisoners.
I did what I had to do.
There is always a choice
between what you have to do
and what you should do.
You were gonna let that man
walk out there to his death.
I can admit when I'm wrong.
And I can admit when I'm right.
If you don't hold Skimmer here,
I will recapture him.
And by the time
I'm done with him,
he won't be so much
The Duke of Stab,
as he'll be
the Prince of Pottery!
- And Textiles!
- You said you'd given all that up.
Well, maybe I was wrong
about that, too.
Because it worked far better
than anything we've tried in here.
You step one foot
outside that door,
I will come to your mansion
and I will arrest you.
For what?
Doing what you should have done?
For taking the law
into your own hands.
Whatever law there is, it belongs to a
far stronger set of hands than yours, Sam.
Sybil...
Sybil?
One foot outside that door...
This is gonna hurt.
Cheery, Klatchian coffee now.
Somebody
didn't sleep last night.
I will...
Wanna do something... geeky?
Should we start a...
Well, what do you call it?
A role-playing game?
I'm just gonna.
I saw you upstairs at the bar.
All by yourself.
I thought maybe
you'd like to come down here
and join
my little support group...
For virgins.
What makes you think
I'm a virgin?
I'm really sensitive.
You're bleeding.
Yeah,
I just had a little blood test.
Sally make it... better.
What are you doing?
Why are you being so weird?
Is the blood poisoned?
It's too salty?
Please not sepsis.
No, there's nothing wrong
with it. It's just ordinary.
Not... special or... noble.
Honey. There's more
to blood than nobility.
And I can tell you for a fact
there's only one noble-blood left.
Lady Sybil Ramkin.
Sally, you...
You're a genius.
So show this genius the goods.
Dance!
I'm gonna go.
Shit.
He's too literal, Sally.
You're dead.
Then I must be dead.
Yes.
This time, I actually
must be really dead.
Well, I'm not surprised.
Today's the day.
And the punishment for my sins
is an eternity
in a cell with you.
We've been cell mates
for two years
and you always said we would have
gone mad if we didn't have each other.
- Two years?
- Isn't that right, Mr Hand?
That's some hurtful shit, Vimes.
But...
What? How did I get here?
You're gonna die in here
alone now.
Come on, there's no...
It's my plan, my way!
Where am I? What is this place?
It's Tanty! Tanty Prison!
Tanty?
That place is a wreck.
It's been empty for years.
This place has never been empty.
Morning inspection.
Urdo.
Report.
Present and correct,
Officer Ironfoundersson.
Carrot?
Kid, I've never been
so glad to see you.
On the dots, Prisoner 177!
Kid, it's me, your captain.
You'll raise your hand
if you want to speak!
Are those sandals?
You know he loves his sandals.
And don't make trouble
for the screws today.
I don't know
what's goin' on here,
but if you ever...
hit me again like that,
I'll take those sandals
and shove them right up your...
Enough!
Throw him to The Beast.
Beast'll rip him limb from limb.
The worst version of Sam Vimes.
Weak, spineless,
the most dangerous
of all humanity.
He's waking.
Urdo?
Mr Hand?
Where's Lady Ramkin?
- She left.
- Took Goodboy.
What happened to your jacket?
Nothing.
What happened to your... hands?
Yeah, I like your...
Your hair like that.
It really suits you and your
eyebrows, of course, they are nice
with, sort of... Er...
Look, I think Lady Ramkin
might be the third artefact.
Wonse told me
The Grimoire Sorcerer
put Octiron
in the blood of the last king.
Lady Ramkin's the only
noble-blood left in the city.
What makes you
so sure about that?
Sally.
- Sally?
- Sally.
Who the hell's Sally?
Well... She knows
a lot about blood.
She's a stinking vampire.
What? You...
Your nostrils
have gone all flarey.
Werewolves. Vampires.
I just want him to be safe.
What's wrong with that?
Nothing.
Come on. Let's find Lady Ramkin.
Why's the captain running away?
Oi!
I'm gonna beat ya,
eat ya,
and then excrete ya.
Sir, you have
the soul of a poet.
Thank the Gods! Detritus!
So good to see ya.
So good.
You cut that out.
You always signpost your jab.
You killed my best friend.
I'm your best friend!
You landed on Pickety Warp.
Who's Snickety...
Pickety!
Eat ya
I don't know what's happening,
but I'm not the Sam
you think I am!
How come your arm grew back?
You think I lost my arm?
Nah.
But you thought
that I thought that you did.
Let's find out
who you really are.
Hey.
Hey, where you going in a rush?
Is this the past?
Just a different present.
You look... You look so young.
You know me?
Carcer Dun. You're my friend.
You're not what
I expected either, friend.
That's why I busted you
out of that prison.
Yeah. Brought you into
this world.
Go on. Breathe its air. Go on.
Better than a prison cell,
though, right?
Well... yeah.
Well, if you want to keep
breathing in this fresh air...
Yeah.
Then you have to do
everything that I say.
Otherwise you're gonna go back to that
other place the moment you fall asleep.
Captain?
That's the...
That's the worst screw in Tanty.
Well, here he works for you.
I know. For some reason,
he, er, he loves you.
And respects you.
No, seriously.
And he'll do anything
that you tell him.
Go on. Put it on. Try it.
Try telling him,
"Stay there, Constable."
Stay there, Constable.
Yeah, yeah, but a bit more
like a pirate. Argh.
Argh. Argh.
- Yeah, don't forget the eye.
- So, "Stay there, Constable".
Stay there, Constable.
- He's staying.
- He's staying.
- Feels good, right?
- Yeah.
Yeah, feels powerful.
- Wanna keep feeling powerful?
- Yes.
Then do everything
that I tell you.
But first,
we got to get rid of them.
Okay.
Er, they're...
they're looking for somebody.
Lady Ramkin?
They said she's an artefact?
They did, did they?
Interesting.
All right. Thanks.
Lead them
to Tanty Prison, all right?
- Er...
- Yup.
Go...
- Stay there!
- You got it.
- Argh.
- Off you go.
Captain.
We need to find
Lady Ramkin immediately.
Yes.
She's waiting for us.
- Er, she is?
- Yes.
Why, sir?
She said something
about an artefact.
- So then I was right?
- Yes!
You're a good... Carrot.
Ha! I'm your captain.
Sir.
So, er, you go get the
others and then we'll go to her.
Why did you
run off like that, sir?
I needed a... Argh!
I needed a breath of fresh air.
In Ankh-Morpork?
Fresh air.
Right.
This is
Great-Great-Great-Grandmother.
It's a pleasure to meet you.
These are the oldest rocks
in Tanty's foundations.
Should you, er,
be touching Grandma like that?
You're communing.
Not your world. Not my Vimes.
You been swapped.
Did, did, did Grandma
tell you that?
Stone speaks stone.
Even across splintered worlds
like yours and mine.
Splintered by what?
Decisions, mostly.
Swapped by who?
Are... Are you telling me
that the Vimes from this world
- is back in the world that I come from?
- Maybe.
What's Tanty like over there?
I don't know. I'm not in Tanty.
I'm the Captain of The Watch.
Captain of The Watch! Ha!
That is one messed-up world.
Did you hear that, Grandma?
Captain of The Watch.
She's laughing.
You can't hear it,
but she's laughing.
Want to hear something
really funny?
Your great-great-grandson
is my sergeant. Ha-ha!
So, my Vimes is in your world,
and he is your Detritus' boss?
What, Grandma?
Help me to get back.
Now, clearly, magic
has something to do
with me being here.
Are there any wizards in Tanty?
Help me to break out of here
and get to Unseen University.
Can we do that?
Your Detritus... he's dead?
Grandma told me.
What happened?
Hey.
You...
He... died doing his job.
No!
Second time he saved my life.
Sarge!
He was the best friend
I ever had.
You're my best friend now,
Sam Vimes.
I think I know a way
I can save you one more time.
Come with me.
He's leading them
straight into the trap.
We'll meet Vimes there and
take him onto the Ramkin mansion.
There's something else?
This Vimes is a bit pathetic,
which is a surprise,
and it turns out the Ironfoundersson
kid isn't the third artefact.
They think
it might be Lady Ramkin.
I built this to track Ironfoundersson
after he got away from us.
We can test it on her.
Here we go again.
The under-developed
magical artefact gets pulled.
I only went along with all this
because you said I'd get
something interesting to do.
Why'd it go silent like that?
It detects the silence that
existed before anything else.
Octiron sings
with that same silence.
It was forged by elemental magic
long before there were worlds
or men and women
to walk upon them.
Well...
We don't need to know
if Ramkin is the third artefact.
We just need Vimes to kill her.
Then we're free.
And if he doesn't?
This was your idea.
I survived all these years
because I never assumed
the roof over my head today
would still be there tomorrow.
I've seen the ones
who took you out of time.
What they can do.
We need every lever we can get.
Guard them.
They're using us, Goblin.
I am only here
for the exposition,
while you are nothing more
than a pointless allegory.
Hey.
He's acting really weird.
Does he look like he can tell where
he is through the sole of his boots?
Ever since he met Lady Ramkin he's
been wearing Demon Rum aftershave.
All that matters
is getting to her...
He isn't wearing it now.
Before Carcer...
Hello, Carrot, you listening?
Just following orders.
When were your orders
to stop thinking, Carrot?
Where are we?
I've read about this place.
Tanty.
The city's first
and oldest prison.
It was built by King Veltrick to house the
arrests he thought the Watch would make.
Now it's empty.
So why would Lady Ramkin be
meeting us in an empty prison?
Coo-ee. This way.
There's your way out.
I'm not leaving you.
Don't worry.
We meet again, Captain.
Stone speaks stone.
Go on then.
Argh, argh!
Argh.
What's through there, Captain?
You.
That's for putting me
in The Hut so many times.
Hut? What Hut, Captain?
What are you talking about?
Carcer.
I knew something wasn't right.
Come on, Sam. She's waiting.
Captain?
Captain!
Hello.
Cell inspection. Inspect...
Move it along!
Prison Regulation C stroke 21 A
states that you will maintain
access of five yards at all times!
Nothing ever changes.
Hey.
How did you get away
from The Beast?
You said... today's the day?
Get lost.
The day for what?
You know what.
You got an escape plan?
- I haven't.
- I have.
All right, then, I'm in.
Say please.
Please.
All right, slag. You're in.
Er, I got a bit of a knock
on the head from The Beast.
Perhaps you could
remind me of the plan.
My associate will explain.
Thank you.
That door
is the only way out of here
and it can only get opened
by the Warden.
Lots of doors behind that one.
Warden's hand opens all of them.
So...
We're gonna cut it off.
Is that absolutely necessary?
The windows are all barred.
The only way out's
the way we came in.
Excuse me,
but could you tell me
which one of you
is most likely
to eat the other one first?
Just trying to organise
my schedule.
Don't worry, I know this guy.
Can you help us get out of here?
Sorry. Can't really intervene.
You must have some sort
of special powers or skills?
Well, I do have
a little somethin'-somethin'.
I've started writing songs,
you see.
It's nothing. They're just
silly little things, really.
Not that any of you would care.
Nobody ever cares.
We would love to hear your song.
Sweet sensation.
This one's called, Last Breath.
Yeah, yeah.
Check it.
Check it. One, two,
break it down now.
Move it along!
It has to happen today.
My boys are on the outside
waiting for us.
Yeah, but cutting off a hand...
All stand for the Warden!
Good morning, class.
Good morning, Warden.
As you all know,
our founder King Veltrick
bled for a better world.
The blood and the badge.
The blood and the badge.
The blood and the badge.
- The blood and the badge.
- The blood...
In the name of his sacrifice,
this prison
is not actually a prison.
No, it's a place of learning.
A painful process.
One that requires
extreme measures.
And so, today,
Group B will go in The Hut.
Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut!
Prisoner 177!
You're meant to be in the Hole.
Well, if the Hole didn't teach
him a lesson, the Hut certainly will.
What's in the Hut?
Everything we need to escape.
Him, too.
- That's right.
- I'm death.
Yeah.
You feel me right? Call and
response. Easy to remember.
All the hallmarks
of a stadium banger.
Does it really
have to be 37 minutes long?
I can play you the club edit.
Actually,
tell me about your instrument?
I've never seen one
that looks like that.-.
This? I, fashioned this
from what I could find.
This is an old hourglass that
was just sort of lying around.
Anyway.
I know that my appearance doesn't
exactly scream "rock star," but...
Bedsprings. I need bedsprings.
People lie in bed at night
and all they can think of is me.
So, not only would I be
bringing sweet licks to this band...
What have you
got in mind, Cheery?
But I would also
be bringing an audience.
Shit.
I've inspired them.
You do what I say,
you never have to go back.
But you have to
earn your place here.
You have to kill someone.
I've never killed anybody.
Course you haven't.
How long you been in Tanty?
Twenty years.
You know, in and out.
It's time to man up.
This is how you get out.
Killing's wrong.
Don't think about it as
right or wrong, good or bad.
There's no such thing.
There's just survival.
And this is what
you have to do to survive.
Okay.
Who do you want me to kill?
That's the Prison Warden.
Whatever she did
to you in your world,
take it out on her in this one.
But she hasn't done anything
to me in this one, has she?
You wanna go back?
- Sam Vimes.
- Arrest me?
I'd like to see him try.
Come on, axe.
We're better off
without him, Goodboy.
Let's go.
How many more do we need?
That'll do for now.
When I was a kid,
a mine tunnel collapsed.
Ten of us trapped, lamps
all shattered, tools broken.
For a minute, all we could do
was cry and scream and shout.
And then I realised...
we still had the lamps.
We still had the tools.
Just needed to figure out
a new way of using them.
So, we rigged a crank
to move the rubble.
- You're gonna break through the wall with...
- Whatever we can find.
There.
Thank you.
For what?
Well, this is the second time
you've saved me.
When was the first?
You, er...
You pulled me up from the edge
of the roof of the Unseen University.
What?
And then you arrested me.
Arrested you for what?
We were in a gang.
And I sent you
into The Watch House
to free our friends
and kill Captain Keel,
but you didn't.
So you killed him?
No. No, no, no, no, no, no.
I... I had a crossbow on you.
I was angry at you
for betraying me...
- We can solve this!
- But I couldn't.
I couldn't go through with it.
I could never go through
with anything like that.
No!
But later,
when you locked me away,
he made you sergeant.
And then you succeeded him
as captain.
Captain of The Watch.
You were a good captain.
Kind.
You wanna be free?
You made a promise.
Then you have to
go through with this.
Keep it.
Now.
What you waiting for?
Lady Ramkin
isn't the third artefact.
There's no Octiron in her blood.
What does it matter?
Sam kills her, he's finished.
The Watch is finished.
We're done.
It reacted to Vimes.
You can't really think
he's got royal blood.
What if there's something else
about him that triggers the meter?
They said there's nowhere
in the multiverse
where Sam Vimes
murders Sybil Ramkin.
Maybe because
deep down he truly is noble.
Even in this version.
You mean "good"?
Like I told him,
there's no such thing.
- You don't know that...
- There's no such thing.
How could there be?
That would mean
everything that I did, all of it...
It would make me bad.
Wouldn't it?
Wouldn't it, Wonse?
Come.
I'll show you.
Intensive Arts and Crafts.
But the screws
let us use the scissors.
They're all blunt, but we've been
sharpening up these ones for over a month.
Right under their noses.
Just have to swap them out
for these papier-mache ones.
Eyes down! Tools down!
We have a visitor.
And who do we have here?
Prisoner 177, sir.
Hello, Sam.
Carcer...
Captain Dun of the City Watch.
It's okay.
And what are we making here?
Well, all prisoners
show Captain Dun your work!
Very nice.
Sam?
It's, um...
It's just dogs. Dogs.
Well, go on. Show us.
Okay.
Yes, yes. Doggies.
I just need practice.
Just a bit of practice. Yeah.
Keep at it, Sam.
Yeah?
Keep at it.
Great work, everyone. Thank you.
Thank you.
I need to get out of here.
It's done.
Well, that was
clearly built by Goblins.
Yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Whoo!
You got a scent on the captain?
This way.
You never liked him anyway.
Well, that's not
what you said last time.
I suppose he did have nice eyes.
And it was
good not to be alone.
So, have you come to arrest me?
I have to stab you.
Quiet, Goodboy.
Let the man euphemise
if he wants.
He's just a little jealous.
Sorry, "Jealous"?
Of you and me.
I know
we've had our differences,
but I'm glad you're here.
I've missed you, too.
No, I... I really came here to
stab you.
You're not Vimes.
Skimmer.
I was just coming to find you.
Delighted to have saved
you the trouble, Lady Ramkin.
- Who's this?
- Who are you?
- Captain?
- He's not the Captain,
and you're going straight
to my basement, Skimmer.
Actually, I've come to take your
corpse with me, Lady Ramkin.
It'll be my ticket
back into the Assassin's Guild.
I have to be the one
who kills her.
Really?
Well, I don't mind who does it
just as long as I get her body.
Thanks, stranger.
Pleasure. Weirdo.
There's two of us, Lady Ramkin.
I only hope that you choose
your one shot
more wisely than your
late father chose his friends.
You didn't know?
Your parents' inhumation was ordered
by several of their closest friends.
What?
Maybe it was jealousy
or perhaps deep down
they never really liked them.
You were supposed to attack
while I distracted her!
You didn't say that!
Well, I wasn't gonna say it
in front of her, was I?
Take my axe.
Ready?
Here she comes!
I'm not going back there!
Back where?
That badge
doesn't belong to you.
Put your hand
through that reader.
I don't want to hurt you.
If I did that, it would
encourage every prisoner in here
to think that violence
is the answer to their problems.
Would someone please tell me
what the hell is going on?
- Forgive me.
- For what?
I have to do this.
I won't back down.
You won't?
Not ever?
I am sorry.
There's always a choice
between what you have to do,
and what you should do.
I want that hand!
Finish her! Finish...
Vimes?
Sam...
- Vimes?
- Sybil?
- Is that really you?
- Is it really you?
What was
the last thing we said...
- It is you.
- Is you.
- You should stop...
- I should probably stop... I should stop talking.
- Yeah, I will... Shut.
- Yes, you should. Stop talking.
Skimmer!
- Did you see her, Captain?
- Who?
The woman who took your badge.
- "The blood and the badge"?
- That's what she said.
What was she like?
This... other me?
What was he like?
Captain? We're arresting you
for aiding and abetting a fugitive.
- Come out and surrender, you imposter.
- It's all right. He's mine.
I mean, ours. He's ours.
He's our captain.
Demon Rum aftershave.
Lady Ramkin,
we think your bloodline might...
Wonse took my badge.
King Veltrick was wearing it
when the Assassins cut his throat.
His blood contains Octiron.
His blood is on the badge.
Then Carcer
has everything he needs.
Shit.
Iron in the Sword.
Iron in the Bearer.
Iron in the Crown.
Iron in its wearer.
They shine and shimmer
in Noon's First Ray.
Command the dragon
and burn the day.
Check one, check two.
Bring the jam now.
Let's get it.
Yeah, here we go.
people who don't want to be changed?
If you want change,
you need power.
Anybody who wants power
that bad shouldn’t have it.
That would make you
the perfect leader, wouldn't it?
You still don't have
everything you need, Carcer.
We have no idea
how many artefacts there are.
- There's just one more.
- And it's you.
If this turns purple, you've
got Octiron in your blood.
- What does that mean?
- It's normal.
If he's not the third artefact,
then who is?
You know, Lady Ramkin,
Skimmer often brags about how
easy it was to throttle your mother.
Can you guarantee
my safety, Captain?
Cruces is gone. It's not Dr
Cruces that I'm worried about.
Who is she?
Find us the worst version of Sam Vimes
and we'll make him murder
Sybil Ramkin.
We've found him!
Go.
A wizard was choking
on a poison pill.
I had to push my fingers down
his throat to prevent regurgitation.
I love that word.
Regurgitation.
He wanted to live so badly
he bit off my finger.
I wanted him to die so badly
I let him.
Believe in anything
that much, Vimes?
The Watch?
Yourself?
You stay in this city,
you're a dead man.
Isn't that true of us both?
Yes, I thought
I recognised that.
The Watch Captain's badge is a
precious relic in our Guild's culture.
Remember King Veltrick?
The founder of The Watch?
He was wearing that
when an assassin cut his throat.
How appropriate that you'll be wearing
it when your time comes, Captain.
So you just let him walk?
If Carrot's right, Carcer's been to the
future and he knows our every move.
We don't even know
where he is or...
Or who or what's helping him.
So justice
doesn't matter anymore?
Whoever that third artefact is, Carcer
is closer to finding them than we are.
We're in no shape
to take in prisoners.
I did what I had to do.
There is always a choice
between what you have to do
and what you should do.
You were gonna let that man
walk out there to his death.
I can admit when I'm wrong.
And I can admit when I'm right.
If you don't hold Skimmer here,
I will recapture him.
And by the time
I'm done with him,
he won't be so much
The Duke of Stab,
as he'll be
the Prince of Pottery!
- And Textiles!
- You said you'd given all that up.
Well, maybe I was wrong
about that, too.
Because it worked far better
than anything we've tried in here.
You step one foot
outside that door,
I will come to your mansion
and I will arrest you.
For what?
Doing what you should have done?
For taking the law
into your own hands.
Whatever law there is, it belongs to a
far stronger set of hands than yours, Sam.
Sybil...
Sybil?
One foot outside that door...
This is gonna hurt.
Cheery, Klatchian coffee now.
Somebody
didn't sleep last night.
I will...
Wanna do something... geeky?
Should we start a...
Well, what do you call it?
A role-playing game?
I'm just gonna.
I saw you upstairs at the bar.
All by yourself.
I thought maybe
you'd like to come down here
and join
my little support group...
For virgins.
What makes you think
I'm a virgin?
I'm really sensitive.
You're bleeding.
Yeah,
I just had a little blood test.
Sally make it... better.
What are you doing?
Why are you being so weird?
Is the blood poisoned?
It's too salty?
Please not sepsis.
No, there's nothing wrong
with it. It's just ordinary.
Not... special or... noble.
Honey. There's more
to blood than nobility.
And I can tell you for a fact
there's only one noble-blood left.
Lady Sybil Ramkin.
Sally, you...
You're a genius.
So show this genius the goods.
Dance!
I'm gonna go.
Shit.
He's too literal, Sally.
You're dead.
Then I must be dead.
Yes.
This time, I actually
must be really dead.
Well, I'm not surprised.
Today's the day.
And the punishment for my sins
is an eternity
in a cell with you.
We've been cell mates
for two years
and you always said we would have
gone mad if we didn't have each other.
- Two years?
- Isn't that right, Mr Hand?
That's some hurtful shit, Vimes.
But...
What? How did I get here?
You're gonna die in here
alone now.
Come on, there's no...
It's my plan, my way!
Where am I? What is this place?
It's Tanty! Tanty Prison!
Tanty?
That place is a wreck.
It's been empty for years.
This place has never been empty.
Morning inspection.
Urdo.
Report.
Present and correct,
Officer Ironfoundersson.
Carrot?
Kid, I've never been
so glad to see you.
On the dots, Prisoner 177!
Kid, it's me, your captain.
You'll raise your hand
if you want to speak!
Are those sandals?
You know he loves his sandals.
And don't make trouble
for the screws today.
I don't know
what's goin' on here,
but if you ever...
hit me again like that,
I'll take those sandals
and shove them right up your...
Enough!
Throw him to The Beast.
Beast'll rip him limb from limb.
The worst version of Sam Vimes.
Weak, spineless,
the most dangerous
of all humanity.
He's waking.
Urdo?
Mr Hand?
Where's Lady Ramkin?
- She left.
- Took Goodboy.
What happened to your jacket?
Nothing.
What happened to your... hands?
Yeah, I like your...
Your hair like that.
It really suits you and your
eyebrows, of course, they are nice
with, sort of... Er...
Look, I think Lady Ramkin
might be the third artefact.
Wonse told me
The Grimoire Sorcerer
put Octiron
in the blood of the last king.
Lady Ramkin's the only
noble-blood left in the city.
What makes you
so sure about that?
Sally.
- Sally?
- Sally.
Who the hell's Sally?
Well... She knows
a lot about blood.
She's a stinking vampire.
What? You...
Your nostrils
have gone all flarey.
Werewolves. Vampires.
I just want him to be safe.
What's wrong with that?
Nothing.
Come on. Let's find Lady Ramkin.
Why's the captain running away?
Oi!
I'm gonna beat ya,
eat ya,
and then excrete ya.
Sir, you have
the soul of a poet.
Thank the Gods! Detritus!
So good to see ya.
So good.
You cut that out.
You always signpost your jab.
You killed my best friend.
I'm your best friend!
You landed on Pickety Warp.
Who's Snickety...
Pickety!
Eat ya
I don't know what's happening,
but I'm not the Sam
you think I am!
How come your arm grew back?
You think I lost my arm?
Nah.
But you thought
that I thought that you did.
Let's find out
who you really are.
Hey.
Hey, where you going in a rush?
Is this the past?
Just a different present.
You look... You look so young.
You know me?
Carcer Dun. You're my friend.
You're not what
I expected either, friend.
That's why I busted you
out of that prison.
Yeah. Brought you into
this world.
Go on. Breathe its air. Go on.
Better than a prison cell,
though, right?
Well... yeah.
Well, if you want to keep
breathing in this fresh air...
Yeah.
Then you have to do
everything that I say.
Otherwise you're gonna go back to that
other place the moment you fall asleep.
Captain?
That's the...
That's the worst screw in Tanty.
Well, here he works for you.
I know. For some reason,
he, er, he loves you.
And respects you.
No, seriously.
And he'll do anything
that you tell him.
Go on. Put it on. Try it.
Try telling him,
"Stay there, Constable."
Stay there, Constable.
Yeah, yeah, but a bit more
like a pirate. Argh.
Argh. Argh.
- Yeah, don't forget the eye.
- So, "Stay there, Constable".
Stay there, Constable.
- He's staying.
- He's staying.
- Feels good, right?
- Yeah.
Yeah, feels powerful.
- Wanna keep feeling powerful?
- Yes.
Then do everything
that I tell you.
But first,
we got to get rid of them.
Okay.
Er, they're...
they're looking for somebody.
Lady Ramkin?
They said she's an artefact?
They did, did they?
Interesting.
All right. Thanks.
Lead them
to Tanty Prison, all right?
- Er...
- Yup.
Go...
- Stay there!
- You got it.
- Argh.
- Off you go.
Captain.
We need to find
Lady Ramkin immediately.
Yes.
She's waiting for us.
- Er, she is?
- Yes.
Why, sir?
She said something
about an artefact.
- So then I was right?
- Yes!
You're a good... Carrot.
Ha! I'm your captain.
Sir.
So, er, you go get the
others and then we'll go to her.
Why did you
run off like that, sir?
I needed a... Argh!
I needed a breath of fresh air.
In Ankh-Morpork?
Fresh air.
Right.
This is
Great-Great-Great-Grandmother.
It's a pleasure to meet you.
These are the oldest rocks
in Tanty's foundations.
Should you, er,
be touching Grandma like that?
You're communing.
Not your world. Not my Vimes.
You been swapped.
Did, did, did Grandma
tell you that?
Stone speaks stone.
Even across splintered worlds
like yours and mine.
Splintered by what?
Decisions, mostly.
Swapped by who?
Are... Are you telling me
that the Vimes from this world
- is back in the world that I come from?
- Maybe.
What's Tanty like over there?
I don't know. I'm not in Tanty.
I'm the Captain of The Watch.
Captain of The Watch! Ha!
That is one messed-up world.
Did you hear that, Grandma?
Captain of The Watch.
She's laughing.
You can't hear it,
but she's laughing.
Want to hear something
really funny?
Your great-great-grandson
is my sergeant. Ha-ha!
So, my Vimes is in your world,
and he is your Detritus' boss?
What, Grandma?
Help me to get back.
Now, clearly, magic
has something to do
with me being here.
Are there any wizards in Tanty?
Help me to break out of here
and get to Unseen University.
Can we do that?
Your Detritus... he's dead?
Grandma told me.
What happened?
Hey.
You...
He... died doing his job.
No!
Second time he saved my life.
Sarge!
He was the best friend
I ever had.
You're my best friend now,
Sam Vimes.
I think I know a way
I can save you one more time.
Come with me.
He's leading them
straight into the trap.
We'll meet Vimes there and
take him onto the Ramkin mansion.
There's something else?
This Vimes is a bit pathetic,
which is a surprise,
and it turns out the Ironfoundersson
kid isn't the third artefact.
They think
it might be Lady Ramkin.
I built this to track Ironfoundersson
after he got away from us.
We can test it on her.
Here we go again.
The under-developed
magical artefact gets pulled.
I only went along with all this
because you said I'd get
something interesting to do.
Why'd it go silent like that?
It detects the silence that
existed before anything else.
Octiron sings
with that same silence.
It was forged by elemental magic
long before there were worlds
or men and women
to walk upon them.
Well...
We don't need to know
if Ramkin is the third artefact.
We just need Vimes to kill her.
Then we're free.
And if he doesn't?
This was your idea.
I survived all these years
because I never assumed
the roof over my head today
would still be there tomorrow.
I've seen the ones
who took you out of time.
What they can do.
We need every lever we can get.
Guard them.
They're using us, Goblin.
I am only here
for the exposition,
while you are nothing more
than a pointless allegory.
Hey.
He's acting really weird.
Does he look like he can tell where
he is through the sole of his boots?
Ever since he met Lady Ramkin he's
been wearing Demon Rum aftershave.
All that matters
is getting to her...
He isn't wearing it now.
Before Carcer...
Hello, Carrot, you listening?
Just following orders.
When were your orders
to stop thinking, Carrot?
Where are we?
I've read about this place.
Tanty.
The city's first
and oldest prison.
It was built by King Veltrick to house the
arrests he thought the Watch would make.
Now it's empty.
So why would Lady Ramkin be
meeting us in an empty prison?
Coo-ee. This way.
There's your way out.
I'm not leaving you.
Don't worry.
We meet again, Captain.
Stone speaks stone.
Go on then.
Argh, argh!
Argh.
What's through there, Captain?
You.
That's for putting me
in The Hut so many times.
Hut? What Hut, Captain?
What are you talking about?
Carcer.
I knew something wasn't right.
Come on, Sam. She's waiting.
Captain?
Captain!
Hello.
Cell inspection. Inspect...
Move it along!
Prison Regulation C stroke 21 A
states that you will maintain
access of five yards at all times!
Nothing ever changes.
Hey.
How did you get away
from The Beast?
You said... today's the day?
Get lost.
The day for what?
You know what.
You got an escape plan?
- I haven't.
- I have.
All right, then, I'm in.
Say please.
Please.
All right, slag. You're in.
Er, I got a bit of a knock
on the head from The Beast.
Perhaps you could
remind me of the plan.
My associate will explain.
Thank you.
That door
is the only way out of here
and it can only get opened
by the Warden.
Lots of doors behind that one.
Warden's hand opens all of them.
So...
We're gonna cut it off.
Is that absolutely necessary?
The windows are all barred.
The only way out's
the way we came in.
Excuse me,
but could you tell me
which one of you
is most likely
to eat the other one first?
Just trying to organise
my schedule.
Don't worry, I know this guy.
Can you help us get out of here?
Sorry. Can't really intervene.
You must have some sort
of special powers or skills?
Well, I do have
a little somethin'-somethin'.
I've started writing songs,
you see.
It's nothing. They're just
silly little things, really.
Not that any of you would care.
Nobody ever cares.
We would love to hear your song.
Sweet sensation.
This one's called, Last Breath.
Yeah, yeah.
Check it.
Check it. One, two,
break it down now.
Move it along!
It has to happen today.
My boys are on the outside
waiting for us.
Yeah, but cutting off a hand...
All stand for the Warden!
Good morning, class.
Good morning, Warden.
As you all know,
our founder King Veltrick
bled for a better world.
The blood and the badge.
The blood and the badge.
The blood and the badge.
- The blood and the badge.
- The blood...
In the name of his sacrifice,
this prison
is not actually a prison.
No, it's a place of learning.
A painful process.
One that requires
extreme measures.
And so, today,
Group B will go in The Hut.
Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut!
Prisoner 177!
You're meant to be in the Hole.
Well, if the Hole didn't teach
him a lesson, the Hut certainly will.
What's in the Hut?
Everything we need to escape.
Him, too.
- That's right.
- I'm death.
Yeah.
You feel me right? Call and
response. Easy to remember.
All the hallmarks
of a stadium banger.
Does it really
have to be 37 minutes long?
I can play you the club edit.
Actually,
tell me about your instrument?
I've never seen one
that looks like that.-.
This? I, fashioned this
from what I could find.
This is an old hourglass that
was just sort of lying around.
Anyway.
I know that my appearance doesn't
exactly scream "rock star," but...
Bedsprings. I need bedsprings.
People lie in bed at night
and all they can think of is me.
So, not only would I be
bringing sweet licks to this band...
What have you
got in mind, Cheery?
But I would also
be bringing an audience.
Shit.
I've inspired them.
You do what I say,
you never have to go back.
But you have to
earn your place here.
You have to kill someone.
I've never killed anybody.
Course you haven't.
How long you been in Tanty?
Twenty years.
You know, in and out.
It's time to man up.
This is how you get out.
Killing's wrong.
Don't think about it as
right or wrong, good or bad.
There's no such thing.
There's just survival.
And this is what
you have to do to survive.
Okay.
Who do you want me to kill?
That's the Prison Warden.
Whatever she did
to you in your world,
take it out on her in this one.
But she hasn't done anything
to me in this one, has she?
You wanna go back?
- Sam Vimes.
- Arrest me?
I'd like to see him try.
Come on, axe.
We're better off
without him, Goodboy.
Let's go.
How many more do we need?
That'll do for now.
When I was a kid,
a mine tunnel collapsed.
Ten of us trapped, lamps
all shattered, tools broken.
For a minute, all we could do
was cry and scream and shout.
And then I realised...
we still had the lamps.
We still had the tools.
Just needed to figure out
a new way of using them.
So, we rigged a crank
to move the rubble.
- You're gonna break through the wall with...
- Whatever we can find.
There.
Thank you.
For what?
Well, this is the second time
you've saved me.
When was the first?
You, er...
You pulled me up from the edge
of the roof of the Unseen University.
What?
And then you arrested me.
Arrested you for what?
We were in a gang.
And I sent you
into The Watch House
to free our friends
and kill Captain Keel,
but you didn't.
So you killed him?
No. No, no, no, no, no, no.
I... I had a crossbow on you.
I was angry at you
for betraying me...
- We can solve this!
- But I couldn't.
I couldn't go through with it.
I could never go through
with anything like that.
No!
But later,
when you locked me away,
he made you sergeant.
And then you succeeded him
as captain.
Captain of The Watch.
You were a good captain.
Kind.
You wanna be free?
You made a promise.
Then you have to
go through with this.
Keep it.
Now.
What you waiting for?
Lady Ramkin
isn't the third artefact.
There's no Octiron in her blood.
What does it matter?
Sam kills her, he's finished.
The Watch is finished.
We're done.
It reacted to Vimes.
You can't really think
he's got royal blood.
What if there's something else
about him that triggers the meter?
They said there's nowhere
in the multiverse
where Sam Vimes
murders Sybil Ramkin.
Maybe because
deep down he truly is noble.
Even in this version.
You mean "good"?
Like I told him,
there's no such thing.
- You don't know that...
- There's no such thing.
How could there be?
That would mean
everything that I did, all of it...
It would make me bad.
Wouldn't it?
Wouldn't it, Wonse?
Come.
I'll show you.
Intensive Arts and Crafts.
But the screws
let us use the scissors.
They're all blunt, but we've been
sharpening up these ones for over a month.
Right under their noses.
Just have to swap them out
for these papier-mache ones.
Eyes down! Tools down!
We have a visitor.
And who do we have here?
Prisoner 177, sir.
Hello, Sam.
Carcer...
Captain Dun of the City Watch.
It's okay.
And what are we making here?
Well, all prisoners
show Captain Dun your work!
Very nice.
Sam?
It's, um...
It's just dogs. Dogs.
Well, go on. Show us.
Okay.
Yes, yes. Doggies.
I just need practice.
Just a bit of practice. Yeah.
Keep at it, Sam.
Yeah?
Keep at it.
Great work, everyone. Thank you.
Thank you.
I need to get out of here.
It's done.
Well, that was
clearly built by Goblins.
Yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Whoo!
You got a scent on the captain?
This way.
You never liked him anyway.
Well, that's not
what you said last time.
I suppose he did have nice eyes.
And it was
good not to be alone.
So, have you come to arrest me?
I have to stab you.
Quiet, Goodboy.
Let the man euphemise
if he wants.
He's just a little jealous.
Sorry, "Jealous"?
Of you and me.
I know
we've had our differences,
but I'm glad you're here.
I've missed you, too.
No, I... I really came here to
stab you.
You're not Vimes.
Skimmer.
I was just coming to find you.
Delighted to have saved
you the trouble, Lady Ramkin.
- Who's this?
- Who are you?
- Captain?
- He's not the Captain,
and you're going straight
to my basement, Skimmer.
Actually, I've come to take your
corpse with me, Lady Ramkin.
It'll be my ticket
back into the Assassin's Guild.
I have to be the one
who kills her.
Really?
Well, I don't mind who does it
just as long as I get her body.
Thanks, stranger.
Pleasure. Weirdo.
There's two of us, Lady Ramkin.
I only hope that you choose
your one shot
more wisely than your
late father chose his friends.
You didn't know?
Your parents' inhumation was ordered
by several of their closest friends.
What?
Maybe it was jealousy
or perhaps deep down
they never really liked them.
You were supposed to attack
while I distracted her!
You didn't say that!
Well, I wasn't gonna say it
in front of her, was I?
Take my axe.
Ready?
Here she comes!
I'm not going back there!
Back where?
That badge
doesn't belong to you.
Put your hand
through that reader.
I don't want to hurt you.
If I did that, it would
encourage every prisoner in here
to think that violence
is the answer to their problems.
Would someone please tell me
what the hell is going on?
- Forgive me.
- For what?
I have to do this.
I won't back down.
You won't?
Not ever?
I am sorry.
There's always a choice
between what you have to do,
and what you should do.
I want that hand!
Finish her! Finish...
Vimes?
Sam...
- Vimes?
- Sybil?
- Is that really you?
- Is it really you?
What was
the last thing we said...
- It is you.
- Is you.
- You should stop...
- I should probably stop... I should stop talking.
- Yeah, I will... Shut.
- Yes, you should. Stop talking.
Skimmer!
- Did you see her, Captain?
- Who?
The woman who took your badge.
- "The blood and the badge"?
- That's what she said.
What was she like?
This... other me?
What was he like?
Captain? We're arresting you
for aiding and abetting a fugitive.
- Come out and surrender, you imposter.
- It's all right. He's mine.
I mean, ours. He's ours.
He's our captain.
Demon Rum aftershave.
Lady Ramkin,
we think your bloodline might...
Wonse took my badge.
King Veltrick was wearing it
when the Assassins cut his throat.
His blood contains Octiron.
His blood is on the badge.
Then Carcer
has everything he needs.
Shit.
Iron in the Sword.
Iron in the Bearer.
Iron in the Crown.
Iron in its wearer.
They shine and shimmer
in Noon's First Ray.
Command the dragon
and burn the day.
Check one, check two.
Bring the jam now.
Let's get it.
Yeah, here we go.