The Waltons (1971–1981): Season 4, Episode 2 - The Genius - full transcript

JOHN-BOY: In those trying
years of the Depression,

the achievements of
any Walton family member

were a source of
pride for all of us.

But the visit to our home of
an extraordinary young man

gave us all a new, and perhaps
more balanced perspective

in our views toward
academic brilliance.

It happened on a weekend when we
were getting ready for a church bazaar.

ELIZABETH: Hi,
Jason! JASON: Hey!

Have a good day?
Yeah, how about you?

Oh, it was all right. Come on.

(EXCLAIMS)



(LAUGHING)

Smell something?

Yeah. Let's go!

Hi, Mama. Hi,
Grandma. Hi, Jason.

Get away from the
stove. This is burning hot.

That's what I thought I'd
smelled. English toffee.

Looks good, Granny.
Can we have some?

Who are you calling "Granny"?

What's wrong with "Granny"?

Well, it just sounds old.

I know I'm no spring chicken,

but I'm still in the prime
of life, remember that.

Can we have some candy, Grandma?

No, you can't.



It's all for the bake sale.
You can buy some on Sunday.

That sounds crazy to me.

Making candy and
buying it back again?

You're spending money twice.

We get paid for the ingredients
out of the proceeds, Ben,

so we make out all right.

Where's Mary Ellen? She's
selling tickets for the bazaar.

ELIZABETH: Grandma,
when we gonna make fudge?

Later. John-Boy is picking up the
chocolate and sugar on his way home.

Why not charge the money to
the church and keep the cash?

You do have a head
for business, Ben.

Well, better go work
on my homework.

How's your play coming, Erin?

Oh, I just wish you hadn't
talked me into giving Jason

the part of Captain Baudricourt.

I know he's not
going to learn it.

Last night he wouldn't
even read the script.

Tom Waggoner would've
been just perfect for the part.

Speaking of Jason,
has anybody seen him?

He's working out in the mill.

Mama, do you think Daddy
will come home this weekend?

You read his letter,
Erin, he'll be working.

Do you think Grandpa
could make me

some kind of suit of
armor for my costume?

If he can spare the time.

But you better ask him quick.
He's working on those boots.

What kind of play are you
doing where a girl wears armor?

Joan of Arc.

The greatest military genius who
ever lived, and she was a saint.

Well, now, how can
somebody be a military genius,

killing people and
all and still be a saint?

"Joan, you are
the fairest maiden

"that has ever delighted
these weary eyes.

"But, alas, I fear no man on
earth can lift the siege of Orleans,

"much less a frail
lass of thy innocence!"

You're saying it all wrong.

You really expect me
to say stuff like that?

Well, it's the way
you say it, stupid.

Recite it right,
Jason. It's pure poetry.

Pure pain in the neck, you mean.

The whole dumb play.

Miss Forrester, I think
Dean Beck wants to see me.

It'll be just a
minute, Mr. Walton.

Thank you.

Hi.

Hi, John, how's it going?

Mighty fine.

Mr. Walton. Thank you.

Neighbor Walton. Neighbor Beck.

Well, how are you?
Fine, thank you, sir.

I don't get to see half enough
of you around here anymore.

Sit down. Sit down.
Thank you very much.

How is the family?

Oh, they're fine, thank you.
They ask after you often.

And how is the
woodcutting business?

Well, that could
be a little bit better.

Daddy's had to take a
job in Norfolk temporarily.

No serious problems I hope.

No, nothing more than
is usual these days.

I suppose you want to see
me about my physics grade.

Mmm. Partly.

Your, uh... Your grades
are passing so far.

But frankly, with your
scholarship coming up for review,

I'd sure like to see
an A in these records.

Make it a lot easier for me

to back up my recommendation
for your scholarship.

Well, we didn't have too much
advanced math in Miss Hunter's class,

but I'm working hard
to make it up. Uh-huh.

Well, I'll tell you
something, neighbor Walton,

as far as I'm concerned, the
laws and postulates of physics

rank very high among the
world's unfathomable mysteries.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Nevertheless, the
subject is required.

And there is a young
man on campus

who I think could be
of great help to you.

Well, I'd certainly
appreciate any help I can get.

Well, I'm sure this
student can help you.

But if you don't mind,

I'd like to attach a condition to
the arrangement. Mmm-hmm.

I would like you to return the
favor by giving him some help, too.

Oh, well, certainly. I'll be
happy to. What subject?

Take him home with
you over the weekend.

The young man's
name is Lyle Thomason.

Lyle just turned 16 years of
age, and he's a sophomore.

He's 16 and he's a sophomore?

Mmm-hmm.

Very likely, within six or
eight weeks he'll be a junior

and probably
graduate within a year.

Well, I don't see how I
could help anybody like that.

Well, I think you can
help him a great deal.

Now, I realize this is an
imposition on your family.

But if you think your
parents wouldn't mind,

I'd appreciate it a great deal.

Well, sure, I'll take him
home. I don't think they'd mind.

But I still don't really
understand what his problem is.

Well, I think the
young man's problem

will become apparent
to you very quickly.

But I don't think
you should treat him

as if he has a
problem, understand?

(BUZZING) No, frankly.

You will, Walton.

Just take him home to
your family and when you...

John Walton, may I
present Lyle Thomason.

Hello again.

The house is just a
few more miles up here,

but, uh, we're gonna stop off at
the General Merchandise store first,

if that's all right with you.

I've got to pick up some, uh,
chocolate and some sugar for my mother.

Church is having a
bazaar on Sunday,

and Grandma and my sisters
are gonna make some candy.

One of my sisters is gonna
act in a play that she wrote

about Joan of Arc.

Where's your home, Lyle?

Emporia.

Emporia. You usually go
back there on the weekend?

No.

I usually spend my
weekends in the library.

But sometimes Dr. Ryland
lets me use the chemistry labs.

Oh, chemistry. That's
your major, huh?

No.

Dr. Ryland discussed nephelometric
analysis in a paper he wrote last year.

I'm doing some experiments to
test the validity of his conclusions.

What is that?

Uh, nephelometric
analysis, what is that?

It's a means to measure
the turbidity of a solution,

and determine the effect the turbidity
has on the transmission of light.

Oh.

You want to come on in?

It's not much, but it's
the only store we've got.

Hey. Hey, John-Boy,
how's tricks?

Not bad. I'd like you
to meet Lyle Thomason.

He's gonna spend
the weekend with us.

This is Ike and Corabeth Godsey.

How do you do?

Nice to meet you, young man.

John-Boy, what
can we do for you?

Uh, my mama wants five
packages of cooking chocolate

and 10 pounds of sugar.

CORABETH: Your mama
making fudge, John-Boy?

No, my grandma is
gonna make some.

I want some of
this candy here, Ike.

Esther's rightfully
famous for her fudge.

Mr. Godsey, you'll have to
buy me some at the bazaar.

I certainly will, sugar lump.

And you make sure
that you tell your grandma

to save some of
that fudge for me.

You know, when I got to the
bazaar last year, it was all gone.

I'll do that, Ike.
I'm making divinity.

It's from an old family recipe.

I brought it all the
way from Doe Hill.

We'll be sure to
buy some, Corabeth.

I got the sugar here, honey,
you put the chocolate in there.

Hey, Lyle. Why don't
you give your luck a try?

No.

The statistical probabilities of
winning any money are very small.

A person would be foolish to
waste a nickel against such odds.

I don't know about that.

Easy Jackson, he's a
local fellow around here,

he won a jackpot last week,
didn't he? Yeah, he sure did.

You remember last year, um, I
think it was in the summertime,

Miss Emily Baldwin won the
jackpot two times in one afternoon?

That's right.

All you got to do is get... get
one of those cherries there

on the right-hand side
and you win four nickels.

Mr. Godsey, I don't think the young
man is interested in a game of chance.

It appears there are seven
symbols on each of the drums.

Therefore, it would cost
35 cents to get back 20.

Yeah.

But... But if you get the three bars
there, you get a whole hatful of money.

Well, the probability of getting
three identical symbols is

49-to-1 against you.

And the chance of getting
three bars and a jackpot

is only one in 343.

Young man, are you suggesting

that we are taking unfair
advantage of people?

I don't think he means any
kind of criticism, Corabeth.

Considering the aggregate
sum of the various probabilities,

the machine would be returning
$8.75 for every $10 put into it.

Of course, that's assuming there
have been no adjustments designed

to return less than
chance would predict.

Therefore, if a person induced
people to play the machine

by promising a profit,

it would certainly be
fraudulent misrepresentation.

I do vow and declare.

John-Boy...

Uh, we better, uh, get
on back to the house, Lyle.

Come on.

We'll see you all later. Bye.

Bye.

Well, Mr. Godsey, are you going to
allow that remark to go unchallenged?

Corabeth, I... I don't rightly
know e-exactly what he said.

I don't think you should've
said those things, Lyle.

I'm sure my figures are correct.

In fact, it's possible

there were even more than seven
fruit symbols on each of the drums.

I couldn't see them very well.

But in that case, the probabilities
of winning are even smaller.

Sounded kind of insulting to me.

Sounded like you were
accusing them of cheating.

The man should post a sign
explaining the statistical probabilities.

Some people
aren't aware of them.

(DOG BARKING)

Grandpa. Hi.

Grandpa, this is Lyle Thomason.

Lyle, huh? Yeah.

I'm happy to meet
you, young man.

Uh, you also a writer? No.

No, Lyle's gonna help me out
with my physics this weekend.

Oh, is that so?

I didn't know you took
physics, John-Boy.

Oh, yes.

The only physics I ever
took was stewed prunes.

(GRANDPA LAUGHING)

You're gonna get used to it.
Grandpa loves to make puns.

Sometimes he just gets
started and goes on for days.

Well, you just make yourself at
home around here, young man.

I'm happy to have you.

You've just won a great battle.

So you march proudly
into the Captain's office,

then you turn this side,
put down your sword,

and then I come in.

Hey, John-Boy. Hey.

We don't want to interrupt
your rehearsal or anything,

but this is Lyle Thomason.

This is Jim-Bob and Ben
and Jason and Erin Walton.

Hey. Hi.

Well, go on ahead. We
don't want to disturb anything.

You're not disturbing anything.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

All right. Let's try it again.

Listen, Erin, can... can I
maybe just play my guitar

for background music or
something? I don't want to do this.

Grandma, I hope there's gonna
be some room on that stove

for me to start
supper pretty quick.

This is the last batch. Hey.

Did you remember the
chocolate? Yes, I did.

Sugar? Yes, it's right in here.

Uh, I'd like you to
meet Lyle Thomason.

This is my mama, my grandma,
Elizabeth, and Mary Ellen.

I hope you'll excuse the mess.

Mama, if it's all right, I've asked
Lyle to spend the weekend with us.

Dean Beck suggested that he come
home and help me with my physics.

We're happy to have you, Lyle.

Good. Well, uh, we better go
upstairs and put your stuff in my room.

Come on.

Grandma, can we
make the fudge now?

Not until I start
supper, you can't.

No.

You can have the bed.

There's a cot down in the
barn and I'll get that for myself.

I usually like to sleep
with the window open.

If that gets too cold for
you, you just let me know.

Why does your grandfather
like to make puns?

I don't know. I guess
he thinks it's fun.

There's really only one part of
physics that I'm having trouble with.

And that would
be vector analysis.

Most people have
trouble with that.

Vectors are simply
graphic representations

indicating the magnitude
and direction of forces.

Most of the problems
can be simplified

by resolving the vectors into
components of right angles

to obtain the component of a
resultant force in a given direction.

Mmm-hmm.

There's one problem in...
in particular that I mean.

Mmm, a 900-pound weight

lifted by a crane with its
boom 30 degrees from vertical.

Yeah.

To calculate the horizontal
pull on the upper cable,

you assume that it is one side

of a 30, 60, 90-degree
triangle. Mmm-hmm.

Thus, the Pythagorean theorem
simplifies it to the equation,

x square plus 900 square
equals four x square.

Therefore, x is equal to 300,
times the square root of three,

which is 519.6.

You're, uh... So, you're
taking the course, too, huh?

No.

Well, how did you recognize
the problem here that, that...

I glanced through that book
once a couple of years ago.

I'm gonna get the, uh...

I'm gonna get the cot from
the... from the barn, okay?

You just make yourself at home.

(JOHN-BOY WHISTLING)

Hey, John-Boy. Grandpa.

Say, what is it that Dean Beck
wants you to do for that new boy?

What?

What does the
dean want you to do

with that new boy you have here?

I don't really know.

Don't talk much, does he? Does
he ever say anything? He shy?

Oh, I don't think he's shy.

He had a lot to say down at
Ike's about that slot machine.

Those infernal slot machines.

I don't blame about that.

One-armed bandits
with a license to steal.

He's like some kind of
Martian or something.

The way he looks at you
from out of those glasses,

it's like he's examining you
from under a microscope.

Well, he's landed here
amongst a mess of strangers,

maybe he'll loosen
up after a while.

Well, I hope so.

Young man, I think you best sit
over there in the middle of the table.

That way you can reach out and
get your hands on any food you want.

Looks good...

Thank you.

It would seem impractical to
crowd everyone in on the side

and leave one chair vacant.

Well, that's Daddy's place.
He's away working in Norfolk.

Grandma, would you say
the blessing tonight, please?

Join hands.

Join hands.

Lord, we thank you for this food

and for all the gifts you
have bestowed on this family.

We humbly ask thy blessing,

and thank you for making us
aware of thy everlasting presence.

Amen. ALL: Amen.

Pass the hot dogs.

(ALL CHATTERING)

Do you have any
brothers and sisters, Lyle?

No, I don't have any.

And just what does your daddy do

to make a living down
there in Emporia?

He used to be a blacksmith.

But he lost his shop
several years ago.

It was in 1932.
Oh, what a shame.

They must have mighty fine
schools down there in Emporia.

I didn't go to
school in Emporia.

GRANDPA: Uh-huh. Where
did you go to school, young man?

When I was five years old, my teacher
took me to the University of Virginia

for some psychometric tests.

Then I went to Chicago.
JOHN-BOY: Why Chicago?

A special school.

Most of the time, I was being tested
and interviewed by psychologists.

I spent 10 years there.
It was very interesting.

When did you see your
parents in all that time?

Almost every year I went
home for two or three days.

That's all?

Must've been hard on you.

Now you're closer, so you
get to see them more often.

I don't go home very often.

My mother and father
can't read or write.

And they moved, too,
since they lost the shop.

Somewhere near the edge of town.

Well, I'll tell you something.
Lyle's a real wiz in physics.

Boy, he can remember problems
word for word he hasn't seen in years.

What's your secret, Lyle?

I have a photographic memory.

Dr. Elliot at the
University of Chicago

thought it was very interesting.

My IQ is so high they don't
have any test that can measure it.

It's unusual in such cases
for a subject such as myself

to have a photographic memory.

Well, well. I knew a man once
who had a phonographic memory.

He said "photographic,"
not "phonographic."

GRANDPA: Yes, Esther,
phonographic memory.

He never could forget a song
once he heard it on the Victrola.

(ALL LAUGHING)

Lyle, would you like
some corn bread?

Yes.

This food is good.

Thank you very much, Lyle.

I, too, shall partake
of more legumes

if yon fair maiden will
transport the vessel hence.

What? Yeah, me, too, sire.

I, too, my Lord.

I'm glad to hear that you fellows
seem to be enjoying your sister's play.

Well, I'll tell you one thing. It's
improved your language already 100%.

I hope you'll come to church
with us on Sunday, Lyle,

and to the bazaar.

I don't go to church.

How'd you get out of it?

I have no reason to go.

Don't you believe in God?

He didn't say that. He
just doesn't go to church.

But you are a Christian?

No.

MARY ELLEN: Well, there's no
reason why he has to be a Christian.

Most of the people in
the world aren't Christians.

In fact, if we'd all been born in
India, we'd probably all be Hindus.

That makes it even worse. He
was born right here in Virginia.

But that doesn't mean
he doesn't believe in God.

What do you believe in, Lyle?

Primitive people
manufacture gods and religions

to account for unexplained
natural phenomena.

But superstitious
beliefs and religions

are a hindrance
to scientific thought.

Intelligent people avoid them.

On the other hand,
no one's ever proved

that God doesn't
exist, have they, Lyle?

Well, that would be
trying to prove a negative,

which is logically impossible.

You see, unless a positive concept
is first established and proven,

a negative cannot be defined.

Thus, the negative concept cannot
be subjected to analysis for verification.

When you reach the end of
your days and face your maker,

you're gonna hear more negatives
than you ever realized existed.

GRANDPA: Now, Esther.
He's young. He might get over it.

Don't "now, Esther" me. I know
when I'm being called stupid.

"Superstitious beliefs." Some
things have to be taken on faith.

Professor Carlton
hypothesizes that...

I won't hear any more
blasphemies in this house.

Shh. Stay.

Uh, when dinner's over, we're...

Grandpa and I are gonna
go down to the church

and... and, uh, fix up
some booths for the bazaar.

You want to come
and help us out?

No.

Eat your supper.

Don't do that. Why not?

You'll shake all
the parts loose.

I may shake it all
back together again.

It's not working the
way it is right now.

I bet you it's the crystal.

I bet you don't even
know where the crystal is.

I do, too. That's the
crystal right there.

It is not. That's the crystal.

That's right.

Who built the set?

We all put a hand into it.

Yeah, but it doesn't work now.

Try it again.

Oh, this antenna's too short

and it's not attached properly.

Jason needed some wire,
so he cut the antenna in half.

Well, the antenna should be as
high and unobstructed as possible.

However, since your
antenna's so short,

I think we may use an expedient.

Lyle, what are you doing?

Bedsprings make
an excellent antenna.

Strange as it may seem,

the antenna may serve
two opposite purposes.

At the transmitting station, the
antenna sends out into space

radio waves which have been converted
from sound waves by the transmitting set.

Sure, Lyle, whatever you say.

LYLE: At the receiving end, the
antenna catches the radio waves

and leads them into the receiver

where they are converted
into sound waves again.

Actually, it is possible to
construct certain special arrays

known as "beams,"
which greatly magnify...

the signal.

You still writing
that letter to Daddy?

Seems so much to tell him.

Well, I wrote one. Here, would
you mind sending it with yours?

It's going to be a sizable
envelope. This is from Elizabeth.

She must've spent hours
making all those X's and O's.

Jim-Bob signed his
name under "Miss you."

Yeah. Erin's is
as thick as a book.

You got a lot of postage there.

I don't care how much it costs

as long as your Daddy
knows how much we miss him.

Good night.

(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

Hi.

What're you doing?

Hmm? Uh, just putting some notes
down before they fly out of my head.

What are these notes for?

Oh, I'm, uh, writing a
novel about the Mountain.

I find most novels
a waste of time.

Oh, really?

Most of them present highly
romanticized representations of life.

Still, you ought
to be given credit

for taking on such a task at
a comparatively young age.

Well, thank you very much.

You comfortable here?

Yes, I'm fine.

I was surprised that you asked me to
come to your house for the weekend.

Mmm.

Dean Beck said
that I would enjoy it.

Well, are you enjoying yourself?

I don't get along
with people very well.

I never had any
brothers or sisters.

All the time I lived in Chicago,
I never had any friends

except psychologists
and professors.

I guess everyone
thought I was different.

Oh, you're smarter
than anybody I know.

Yes, that's true.

Your sister seems to be
very intelligent. The oldest one.

Mary Ellen? Yes.

Yes, she is bright.

Most girls seem to have no
interest in intellectual matters.

They're very hard to talk to.

Do you have trouble
talking to girls?

Mmm-hmm, sometimes.

What do you usually
discuss with them?

As in the case of your sister.

What kind of things
should I talk to her about?

Well, I don't
know. You just, uh,

talk about what you
think might interest her.

I mean, Mary Ellen
has lots of interests.

I was at the World's
Fair at Chicago once.

They had lots of
interesting exhibits.

You see, that's perfect.

Mary Ellen always likes to keep
up with what's going on in the world.

It's a great idea.

GRANDPA: Come along.

The sad thing about
him is, Grandpa,

he seems to know he
rubs people the wrong way.

That shows there's some
hope for the boy genius.

I'd just like to see him
smile every once in a while.

I don't see how you
can think he's so smart.

He don't even laugh at my jokes.

You gonna need me much longer?

Oh, no. But I would like you'd try
on that armor I made there for Erin.

I want to see how it looks.
Oh, that's what that is.

How do I put it on?
Slip it over your head.

Which way? This way?

Try it on.

(LAUGHING)

I'll tell you, I don't think Erin's
ever gonna get that play put on,

the way she's having
trouble with her actors.

Well, they all keep complaining
till the curtain goes up

and then they'll start
putting on the dog.

I think this looks
great, Grandpa.

Yeah, you can run along now.

I know you're anxious
to get back to the physics

and that boy genius of yours.

Well, I am, but I'm
not too sure about him.

Mmm?

JOHN-BOY: I think he's
got a crush on Mary Ellen.

Oh, I wouldn't
be at all surprised.

She's about the only one of the
family that's spoken up for him.

I reckon he's human after all.

I wouldn't be too
sure about that.

Well, one thing's for sure.

His mind isn't on
vector analysis right now.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Hello, Lyle.

At the Chicago World's Fair they had some
hybrid turnips that weighed six pounds.

They grew them without soil,
in water treated with chemicals.

Is that so?

It was very
interesting. I'll bet.

They also had a display

demonstrating the
synthetic ammonia process

for making fixed
nitrogen for fertilizers.

Most of the nitrates for
fertilizer used to come from Chile.

But now almost all fertilizer
is manufactured synthetically.

Lyle, is that what you came
out here to the garden for?

To talk to me about manure?

They also had an
astronomical exhibit.

Since they found the
planet Pluto in 1930,

some astronomers believe there
are even more planets beyond that.

Well, maybe if
they keep searching,

they'll discover a
planet with life on it.

Oh, they don't search
for them visually.

They usually find new planets
through mathematical calculations

based on the irregular
motion of other planets.

Then they fix the
probable position

before they even
attempt to look...

(BOTH LAUGHING)

(GASPS)

Why'd you do that?

Oh, because I felt like it.

But I'm all wet.

Yes, the evidence would
seem to indicate that.

I guess I better get
some dry clothes.

That would be a good idea.

I... I think I'll do that now.

(LAUGHING) To me it looked like the
romance is over before it got started.

Yeah, she tried to baptize
him into the human race.

Didn't work.

BEN: And this maiden,

who claims to hear the voice of
Saint Catherine and Saint Margaret,

is guilty of witchcraft and
hearsay and must be put into irons.

"Heresy," Ben. I keep
telling you it's her-esy!

(BOTH LAUGHING) If you
don't do these things right,

you're just gonna
make fools of yourselves

in front of everybody
and ruin the whole play.

Well, if you want everybody to
laugh at you, then it's fine with me.

JASON: I don't understand this.

She just won the battle for
them and they're all mad at her.

ERIN: Don't you see?

Because she is pure and
inspired. And she's a saint.

Men can't stand for a
woman to be so perfect,

so they're gonna
burn her at the stake.

That wouldn't be
such a bad idea.

Hey!

JASON: Hey, Blue.

Lyle.

Lyle, uh...

I've been thinking about...
about one of those problems there.

You know, the... the one with the, uh,
100-pound force and the 32-degree angle.

Would I use the, uh, sine function
or the cosine function for that?

Cosine of 32 degrees times
the tangent of 48 degrees.

The answer is 0.9418.

Your sister sprayed
me with water.

All I did was tell her
about the World's Fair.

I know. Probably
means she likes you.

No, really. I mean, if she didn't like
you she'd probably just ignore you.

Unless she was mad at you.

Is there some reason that
she should be mad at you?

No. She seemed to
think it was amusing.

Oh. Well, that probably
means she likes you.

That doesn't make any
sense. It's not logical.

Oh, I know it's not logical,
but it's probably the truth.

If people show their friendship
by attacking each other,

it's not surprising there's
so much conflict in the world.

Obviously, there was an emotional
basis for your sister's behavior.

Such actions indicate
an undisciplined mind.

Lyle, there are other
things in the world

besides, uh, disciplined
minds and logic.

Like having fun sometimes.

By that I presume you mean
engaging in enjoyable activities.

Yes, that's exactly what I mean.

Well, for me,

working on difficult mathematical
problems is enjoyable.

But I don't get people
all wet while I'm doing it.

In primitive cultures,

love and affection were
considered signs of insanity.

Young people weren't allowed
to choose their own mates.

Altogether I think that's a much
more sensible way of doing things.

Tell me, are these the same, uh,

the same primitive people that
you were talking about before,

the ones that manufacture all the
gods and the religious superstition?

Well, at least everybody
knows their lines.

And if the boys don't
act silly, it should be okay.

I'm sure the boys
will do just fine.

Jason.

Mary Ellen, don't
you think you ought to

apologize to Lyle for
squirting water at him?

It was just a friendly
squirt, Mama.

I don't believe our company
considered it to be a friendly squirt.

Grandpa, do you think you
could paint my armor white

and the cross in the front red?

I think so. We got some
leftover paint in the barn.

JIM-BOB: Oh, I'll need some flowers
to decorate Blue for the mule races.

JOHN-BOY: How much money do
you figure to pull in on this bazaar?

MARY ELLEN: Well, we've already
sold $10 worth of tickets for the play.

And all the cakes and candies
ought to bring in at least $25 more.

I'm gonna make $600,000
selling rides on Blue.

(ALL LAUGHING)

Lyle, are you gonna
buy some fudge?

You want some of
Grandma's fudge,

you better put
your order in fast,

because it's famous
all over the county.

It seems to me trying to
raise money by baking things

and selling them to each
other is just a waste of effort.

JOHN-BOY: Why is that?

Well, when people exchange food,

there's never any economic
gain for the community.

It'd be a lot simpler
and a lot more logical

just to give the
money to the church.

The church would be
glad to take your money

if you wanna make a
contribution, young man.

That's not really
the point, Lyle.

People enjoy getting
together at the bazaars.

And the money is
for a good cause.

It's for a family where
the father is out of work

and the mother is
expecting her seventh child.

I hope it's a girl. They've
already got five boys.

It seems kind of foolish for a
family to have more children

when they can't even support
those they already have.

Giving money to people like that

is just like rewarding them
for their lack of prudence.

Young man, that may be
so where you come from.

But up here, we consider the
Claytons to be fine, upstanding people,

always ready to help
others when in distress.

We consider that to be a more
rewarding virtue than the marital prudence.

Grandpa, could we just not
go round and round again?

I think everybody's
got chores to do.

Yeah.

Yeah. We gotta go through
the play one more time.

Do we have to go
through that... Yes, we do.

JIM-BOB: I'm sick of that.

But you're not gonna get me
to put on any of them funny hats.

I am the director.
You do what I say.

JOHN-BOY: For one nickel, be the one
to knock down one of these little things...

MAN: Throw three bean
bags. There's the first throw.

The gentlemen misses
but there's always a chance.

Try with this one right here.

(ALL CHEERING)

Always a winner
every single time,

and here is the balloon for you.

Step right up and get your three throws,
and try your skill and have a thrill.

Step right up. Don't
be fickle, pay a nickel.

Test your skill
and have a thrill.

Three throws for one nickel.

You knock down one of these
little things and get yourself a nickel.

Knock down the young lady doll,

or knock down the
old gentleman doll.

We have a gentleman here with a
nickel, gets three throws, three bean bags.

That's your first throw.
There's always a chance.

You'll have two more chances.

The young gentleman is gonna
try again. And he misses again.

Try for this one right
here, young man.

As I said once before,
one blue coupon,

one five cent coupon will
stand you an opportunity

to win yourself one balloon of
any color you should choose.

Step right up. Test your
skill and have yourself a thrill.

Here we have a young lady
with a five cent blue coupon.

She gets herself three, I
count, one, two, three bean bags

to knock down one of
these lovely dolls here.

She makes her first throw
and unfortunately, it's a miss.

But never fear, there
are two more chances.

The young lady winds
up for her second throw

and unfortunately again,
it falls short of the mark.

But for her third throw,
there's a last and final chance.

She makes her third throw
and knocks down the doll,

and she wins a
beautiful blue balloon.

There's a winner
each and every time.

Would you like to
test your luck, Lyle?

Here we have a young gentleman
who's got himself a blue five cent coupon.

Bring me a little bit of
lemonade, will you, honey?

Mama! Mama, look what I won!

Is that one of Maude Gormley's
delicious coconut cakes?

Yes, I believe it is.
Mrs. Gormley, yes.

How much she
asking for that cake?

It says 35 cents here,

but since you seem to
have taken such a shine to it

I'll give it to you
special price, 50 cents.

All right, Zebulon, since
it's for a good cause.

Uh-uh, one of the
cherries is missing.

Thank you.

Grandpa, what're you
doing? What are you doing?

I'm gonna pass out some samples.

Not that whole plate.

Mr. Walton. Miss Baldwin. Hello.

I do believe we found
the famous Walton fudge.

Olivia. Mrs. Walton. Ladies.

It's always a highlight of the
bazaar to buy some of your fudge.

And take it home where it
is consumed with much joy.

If only Dr. McIvers hadn't said
that we should limit ourselves

to much smaller quantities.

Bad for the health,
don't you know?

We'll have two pounds.

The fudge or the toffee?

BOTH: Both!

Why don't you do the
toffee and I'll do the fudge?

That's 25 cents apiece. Oh, yes.

Well, it's not my fault. He's
been acting stupid all day.

So what do we do
now? Let's look for him.

(IKE CLEARING THROAT)

We didn't forget you,
Ike. Oh, thanks, Liv.

GRANDMA: That'll be 40 cents.

Oh, I almost forgot.

Let's see, 35, 40.

Now, I gotta go find Corabeth
and buy some divinity.

Mama, Jason's quit the play and
we're supposed to start in 10 minutes.

Why'd he do that? Oh, I
don't know. He's just being silly.

He walked out and
said he was going home.

Grandpa. GRANDPA: Yeah.

Grandpa, Jason's
quit Erin's play.

Would you see if you can find
him and get him to come back?

He's not gonna
come back. Why not?

Because Erin got mad and
said he was a terrible actor

and he said that we could
do a better job without him.

Well, he's been
acting awful all day.

Well, you two keep
on looking for him.

I'll try and find him.
See if I can patch it up.

JOHN-BOY: The young lady
with one baby blue nickel coupon

is entitled to the one, two, three,
count them, three gigantic bean bags.

And an opportunity to knock down
any one of these beautiful dolls.

She winds up...
Hold on, just a minute.

What? John-Boy,
Jason quit the play.

Do you think you
can take his part?

Mama, there's all these children
here, waiting. I'm making a lot of money.

I can't... Why
don't you get him...

Why don't you get him to do it?

He's been standing
underneath that tree all day long.

You think he would?
Well, I don't know...

Let go of those. I think
it'd be good for him.

We can try.

You kids wait here.

MARY ELLEN: It'll only
take about 20 minutes, Lyle.

If you don't do it we're gonna have
to give back everybody's money.

No. Lyle.

No! Why not?

I have no experience
in the field of dramatics.

But that doesn't matter.

Lyle, you could memorize
the whole part in five minutes.

MARY ELLEN: And nobody's
expecting any great performance.

It's all for fun.

I think this all could
have been anticipated

from the way your brother
was behaving yesterday.

I don't think it's fair of you to
ask me to save the situation

by making a fool of myself.

I think you made a fool
of yourself already, Lyle.

You know, you've been
with us for three days now

and the only nice thing
that you said to anybody,

and believe me, that
hasn't been much,

is you said that you
thought the food was good.

Aside from that,
you've made it clear

that you think we're
stupid for going to church,

that you think we're even dumber

for the way we raise money
to try to help our neighbors.

You've made it completely
clear that you don't care about us,

that you don't care about
Ike and Corabeth Godsey,

that you don't care about
anybody else on Walton's Mountain.

Now... Now, you
may be smart now,

so that you can spend
the rest of your life

and you don't ever have
to ask anybody for any help.

You don't ever have
to say things like

"yes" and "please"
and "thank you"

and "hello" and be
polite. Things like that.

Well, you may be so smart
that you don't ever need anybody,

but if that's the way you're gonna live
your life, you're gonna be very lonely.

And you're probably gonna
spend the rest of your life

standing under a
tree like this one.

You know what really
makes me angry?

You know what really
irritates me about you, Lyle?

It's the fact that
underneath all of that...

Those facts and the statistics,

and all that logic, I
think you're a likable guy.

You're just too darn stubborn
to let anybody else see it.

Hey, Lyle. How's it going, boy?

Want to try some toffee? No.

I'm surprised Jason
would do such a thing.

Well, if he doesn't come back,

I think we should call the whole
thing off and let him bear the burden.

You know, after all that
rehearsing, I'd like to see that play.

Well, I guess I can read it from
the script. It'll just look so stupid.

Where's Mary Ellen?

She's in church trying
to calm down Erin.

John-Boy, you better
make that announcement.

Okay. MARY ELLEN:
Ladies and gentlemen.

Ladies and gentlemen. Everybody.

In five minutes, the
play is going to begin.

If you don't have your ticket
yet, you can still buy them here.

The play is Joan of Arc starring
Erin, Ben, and Jim-Bob Walton.

And we have a special visiting
actor from Emporia, Virginia.

Lyle Thomason.

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

I can't find hide
nor hair of Jason.

They've got something.

(MAN CHEERING)

Captain Baudricourt!

Captain Baudricourt!

Captain Baudricourt, sir!

The maiden has arrived.

The maiden from Domremy,
sir. She's here to see you.

She came about an hour ago, sir.

Uh, she's here with a
Monsieur Jean de Metz.

Right out there.

They came by...
They're right out there.

I... Is that...

Is that the foolish girl who
claims she speaks to God?

Yes, sir. She demands
your audience.

Very well. Send her in.

What is this nonsense about you
wanting to raise the siege of Orleans?

It is not nonsense. It is
exactly what I propose to do.

Are you mad? Who sent you to me?

The Lord has sent me, Squire.

For it is his wish that I lead
our armies against the British.

Saint Catherine and Saint Margaret
have promised that my holy...

Mission.

Uh, mission will result
in victory for France!

LYLE: You, de Metz!

Do you believe this idiotic
child has the ear of God?

Or is she suffering
hallucinations?

I do believe she
is a saint, Squire.

We wish only your blessings

and that you give us
horses to deliver our task.

Go then! Go to your
deaths, if that is your wish!

I am plagued with an
army of incompetents,

betrayed by the
foul Burgundians,

and confronted with the cannon
and treachery of 10,000 Englishmen!

And now this demented
child with her saintly delusions

beseeches me to give up my
command to her foolish dreams.

Go then! You shall have it!

Take horse and sword
and your saintly visions,

and be off with you!

God bless you, Squire.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

(ALL LAUGHING)

You know what the
Baldwin sisters did?

They bought four of Mary
Breckenridge's cakes,

and then gave them back to
us so we could sell them again.

All right.

You know, some people do
God's work without even knowing it.

Everything was sold by 3:00.

How much money did
we take in altogether?

$48 including the play tickets.

Was there any fudge
left over? No fudge. No.

This man, his name was, uh, Zebulon
Walton, bought two whole pounds of it.

That was just for my
sweet tooth, Elizabeth.

Didn't you buy any?
ELIZABETH: Grandpa.

It was a great success.

Everyone loved the play and
I think you were all wonderful.

Oh, the best part was when Jim-Bob
hit Ben over the head with his sword

and the end broke off.

The end that broke off
hit me right in the rear.

And that look on your face
wasn't very saint-like, Erin.

GRANDPA: Aren't you sorry
you walked out on us, Jason?

You could've stayed and
become a big theater star.

Oh, yeah. No, Grandpa.

I was sitting in the
bushes the whole time

just hoping somebody would
come along and take my part.

You were much better
than I would've been.

Lyle, we really appreciate
what you did for us.

I think you did a real good job.

I think you ought to give
up physics altogether

and just take up
professional acting.

I'd like to thank you all for
having me here as a houseguest.

I also want to tell you
how much I like all of you,

but I can't find the
exact words to say, so...

I guess I'll just have to
demonstrate my affection.

(ALL LAUGHING)

JOHN-BOY: Lyle Thomason came
back to stay with us several more times,

and we enjoyed
his visits very much.

He did indeed prove to be a decent,
kind, and very likeable human being.

But what pleased us even
more was that after that weekend,

Lyle spent almost all of his
free time visiting his own parents.

JIM-BOB: I'm glad I don't
have a photographic memory.

ELIZABETH: Why wouldn't
you like to have one, Jim-Bob?

There are a lot of things I'd like
to forget. Like my grade in civics.

GRANDPA: I knew a fellow
once had a phonographic memory.

GRANDMA: Old man, now that
wasn't funny the first time you told it.

(LAUGHING)

Why are you laughing, Esther?

JIM-BOB: Why are
you laughing, Grandma?

Oh, Zebulon, you stop
that. Now, don't do that!

ELIZABETH: What's
he doing, Grandma?

Oh, my Lord, he's tickling me.

Stop it now this minute
or I'll go sleep on the sofa.

GRANDPA: Good
night, old darling.

(LAUGHING)

(CLEARING THROAT) Good night.