The Venture Bros. (2003–…): Season 4, Episode 17 - From the Ladle to the Grave: The Shallow Gravy Story - full transcript

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NARRATOR:
From out of the Dusty Highlands,

three dark riders came
to save the soul of rock

with a ladle
of heavy metal fire

and metaphoric meat drippings.

We set the world on fire
with our sound.

Technically it was my kitchen
that we set on fire.

[beeps]

This is a story of
failure and triumph,

then some more failure
and triumph,

then an explosion
and more failure



followed by double triumph.

This is the story of
Shallow Gravy.

Even though they are the most
important band

since The Beatles,

Shallow Gravy didn't
begin that way.

Young Hank Venture started life

as the better-looking son of
Dr. Thaddeus Venture.

Well, music's
in the Venture blood.

You know, I tinkle the ivories
a bit myself.

As a former child star

and world-famous
adventuring super scientist,

Dr. Venture had high hopes
for his son.

But Hank was destined for
greater things.

I gave him my old bass
for Christmas one year



and he started a band
the next day.

Brock gave me lessons.

He even taught me
a mnemonic device

to remember the names of
all the strings -- E, A, D ,G.

♪ Every Adversary Dies Gloriously ♪

Hank's solo effort
was received warmly,

but there was something
always missing --

The smoking charisma and power
of the perfect front man.

This one is called
"Sword on the Back."

Ow! [bleep] Stings.
Let me do that again.

Dermott Fictel was born
to raise Hell over his head

and scream "Who Wants
a piece of Hell?”

I moved around a lot
when I was a kid.

I was on the lam --
busted out of juvie

After hitting a kid
with the touch of death.

He said what?
Oh, please!

He live here his
whole life with his sister.

A self-taught
master of jeet kune do,

and his own
"iron punching" system,

Dermott was poised
for stardom.

NIKKI:
Dermott always liked music.

When he was little,
he would stand on the couch

and sing Spice Girls songs.

DERMOTT:
Nikki, shut up! I did not!

He did. It was adorable.

Two young travelers
on the same road

Paved with hard rock dreams.

Fate drew them together
as if one was a magnet

that was
attracted to trouble,

and the other was negatively
charged trouble.

DOC:
Rusty's Day Camp!

The fans still need
to connect with Rusty.

I'm -- I'm Rusty.

So lame.
I don't even know why I went.

I got tired of the boy always
asking me, "Who's my daddy?"

I told him, "You want to meet
your daddy?

He's right up the road."

Looking for his father
at Camp Rusty?

That's -- well, Brock, uh,
gets around.

He's a bit of a gadabout.

I was teaching like
a baby version of judo

to the campers,

and this fat kid starts up
with this crap.

DERMOTT: Turned out to be
a complete waste of my time

'cause nobody at that dorkfest
was cool enough

to be related to me.

You ever want to kick
a kid's ass, but you can't?

DERMOTT: Yeah, but
me and Hank totally hit it off.

Dude, did you talk to his
wimp-ass brother yet?

[bleep] decked his ass.

He's such a liar.
I decked him.

Hank and Dermott found out
they shared a father that day,

and his name was
rock 'n' roll.

With the addition of a key
member...

...Shallow Gravy
was born.

I used to use
H.E.L.P.eR. for parties.

Programmed him to play all the
popular songs of the day.

We'd all sing over
him for fun.

[ chuckles ]
Yeah, I know what you're thinking.

I invented karaoke.

With all three
members in place,

They began rehearsing
in Hank's bedroom,

and the local press
took notice.

DEAN:
Well, the Home News back then

wasn't the slick
weekly it is today.

I mean, it had all
the hard-hitting facts

that my readers demand,

but it was dittoed
and stapled on the side.

I remember that article.
Hell, I'm a subscriber.

Dean prints maps
of the compound

and places his father will be
in like, every issue!

Thanks, Venture Home News!

Riding the wave of success,

they quickly put their
hot sound on cassette tape

to feed the rock-hungry masses.

Dude, I got that cassingle.

It was like 30 minutes
of one song

that sounded like an exploding
car made out of basses.

[chuckling ]
Awesome!

Patchy at best.

And who even has
a cassette player anymore?

Right?
We had to pay a guy ten bucks

to let us listen to it
in his '89 Honda Civic.

So awkward.

Our original sound was a lot more,
urn, I want to say "raw"?

Freaking Hank could hardly
play bass.

Dermott couldn't
really sing yet,

but we grew together
as a band.

Hank's new wave was
rubbing off on me,

and my "[bleep]
No guts no glory" attitude

was rubbing off on him.

We were just rubbing off
on each other.

Totally not in the gay way, though.

It was just so nice
to see them together.

I knew they would get along.
It was destiny.

New drummer, hot press,
and their first release.

Things were looking up
for Shallow Gravy.

Then, tragedy struck.

In a freak accident during
a freak battle on Hank's lawn,

H.E.L.P.eR.. was mortally wounded
in a car accident.

Car accident?!

Dude, that car was blown up
on purpose!

Plus, there was a guy
in the car!

Who cares about a [bleep]
robot?!

Oh, it was tragic.

I mean, sure, we lost hundreds
of lives that day,

but when you lose a family
member, it's --

it's tough.

I don't wanna talk
about this.

It was like one minute
he was there,

and the next he was, like,
everywhere --

the lawn, the roof.

His little, uh, head piece was
stuck here for a while.

I wasn't there.

I mean, if I was, freaking heads
would have rolled.

I would have gone sick-house.

What kind of dick hates
rock 'n' roll so much

they have to destroy it'?!

Hey, here's something for your
goofy little slide show --

I broke up the band.

So, uh...
suck on that, America.

In a blinding flash,
Shallow Gravy was over.

Hank found himself in his
roots -- music.

DEAN:
He actually got good.

I mean, it was almost
real music.

I built him his first amp
out of an old Speak N Spell.

Yeah, it was orange.

While Dermott Fictel
found himself

in the darkness of his own
troubled mind.

DERMOTT: Oh, man, my world
just caved in on me.

No band, man.
I was like, "well, now

I got to become
an ultimate fighter I guess."

Without Dermott around to tell me
all my ideas were retarded,

I was really free
to explore and create.

So I didn't see him like
all summer.

And then suddenly,
totally out of nowhere,

he calls me and plays this
killer riff

over my phone
from his watch-phone.

This is the actual jacket that
inspired the song "Jacket."

[ sniffs ]

Yeah, I wrote those lyrics
in one night.

Song used to be called
"Jack."

It was about Jack the Ripper.

It was all about some old guy
that killed people or something.

I said,
"That will never sell! "

You know what sells?
Jackets.

Back on course and ready to set
the music world on fire,

only one piece was missing,
but not for long.

DOC:
H.E.L.P.eR.'s a family member,

and when you lose a family
member, what do you do?

Cry? No!
You rebuild him.

That's the Venture way!

So H.E.L.P.eR.'s back
and he's huge and spider-like.

And it was awesome, and I go,

"Hank, new name --
Shallow Grave."

[ beeping ]

H.E.L.P.eR. thought
it was pretentious

and unfairly pigeonholed us,

so we went
with Shallow Gravy.

I added the gravy.
You get it?

Reunited and re-energized,

the band was eager
to unleash their new sound

on the public.

It was time for Shallow Gravy
to take to the road.

I think we're being
shut down.

DOC:
Hey, would you keep it down, The Who?

Knock it off.

Ugh, if I had to hear that [bleep] song
one more time, I swear...

So I gave Hank
my dad's old battle van

and told them to just
go... somewhere.

HANK:
We called it "The Gravy Boat."

[snorts]
Get it?

The road was
a harsh mistress.

And with the price of fueling
a gigantic antique car

hauling a band
with a 900-pound drummer,

It was also
a short mistress...

Make some [bleep] noise!
I can't hear you!

...until they
finally landed the gig show

of a lifetime.

DERMOTT:
Homeschool prom, we are Shallow Gravy!

2, 3, 4!

Ah, yeah, the prom gig.

Prom gig -- the biggest venue
we ever played.

HANK:
All those sounds, all those colors!

Aw, people were, like,
tearing off their clothes

and pulling off their pants!

HANK:
Dermott took off his shirt, I think.

Is that what you're talking
about?

That gig also
brought Shallow Gravy

To the attention of a local
amateur deejay

and sometimes-scientist.

Magic. They had it all.

I mean, a great bass sound,
a pissed-off front man --

- And a robot.
- Real robot!

They're not like those
Kraftwerk phonies!

Listen, boy bands are
always hot.

I wanted to get them
into the studio immediately.

Yeah, before they
were a man band.

Like an albino Brian Eno

and a hydrocephalic
Martin Hannett,

The production duo feverishly
experimented

in search of that perfect
"Gravy" sound.

WHITE:
I like to call it the "Wall of White."

It sounds like it was
recorded on the moon!

- Totally [bleep] overproduced.
- [ beep ]

"Jacket" hit the music scene
like a storm

that rained molten lead instead
of regular water

and it burned the pants --
I just can't say these things.

DERMOTT: You gotta believe it!
Why are you stopping? Go!

It's just a silly line.

Dude, this is the best part!
This is the big finish!

Did you boys write this?

Shallow Gravy isn't
just a band,

it's best friends that made
a movement!

[snorts]
Movement.

I never found my father,

but I found my brother...
in rock.

The world will know the names
Hank Venture and Dermott Fictel.

Wait. Fictel?

And -- and he's 17?

No, no. That's --
I, um...

This interview is over.

That's the end of our story,

but not the end of
Shallow Gravy.

This is just the beginning.

[jacket unzips]

[rock music plays]

- ♪ Yellow ♪
- ♪ Jacket ♪

- ♪ Straight ♪
- ♪ Jacket ♪

- ♪ Smoking ♪
- ♪ Jacket ♪

BOTH:
♪ Full Metal Jacket ♪

- ♪ Flack ♪
- ♪ Jacket ♪

- ♪ Leather ♪
- ♪ Jacket ♪

- ♪ Varsity ♪
- ♪ Jacket ♪

BOTH:
♪ It's Brook's jacket ♪

- ♪ Puffy ♪
- ♪ Jacket ♪

- ♪ Bulletproof ♪
- ♪ Jacket ♪

- ♪ Track ♪
- ♪ Jacket ♪

BOTH:
♪ Woolen jacket ♪

- ♪ Dungaree ♪
- ♪ Jacket ♪

- ♪ Jean ♪
- ♪ Jacket ♪

- ♪ Denim ♪
- ♪ Jacket ♪

BOTH:
♪ They're all the same jacket ♪

♪ You are my outerwear ♪

♪ My special coat
without a tear ♪

♪ Jackets are everywhere ♪

♪ With a hood or a belt
or a sleeveless one ♪

♪ Doesn't count,
that's a vest called a jerkin ♪

A-two, three, four!

- ♪ Fonzie's ♪
- ♪ Jacket ♪

- ♪ Bolero ♪
- ♪ Jacket ♪

- ♪ Tuxedo ♪
- ♪ Jacket ♪

BOTH:
♪ Eisenhower jacket ♪

- ♪ Nehru ♪
- ♪ Jacket ♪

- ♪ Satin ♪
- ♪ Jacket ♪

- ♪ Riding ♪
- ♪ Jacket ♪

BOTH:
♪ Technicolor jacket ♪

- ♪ Welding ♪
- ♪ Jacket ♪

- ♪ A child's ♪
- ♪ Jacket ♪

- ♪ A driving ♪
- ♪ Jacket ♪

BOTH:
♪ Reversible jacket ♪

- ♪ Members Only ♪
- ♪ Jacket ♪

- ♪ A padded ♪
- ♪ Jacket ♪

- ♪ Fringed ♪
- ♪ Jacket ♪

BOTH:
♪ Double-breasted jacket ♪

♪ These are the coats
we wear ♪

♪ Of devil's plaid
and witch's hair ♪

♪ Jackets are everywhere ♪

♪ You are my outerwear ♪

♪ My special coat
without a tear ♪

♪ Jackets are everywhere ♪

♪ With a hood or a belt
or a sleeveless one ♪

♪ Doesn't count
that's a vest called a jerkin ♪

Uh ♪

♪ We're all wearin' jackets J“