The Vampire Diaries (2009–2017): Season 7, Episode 1 - Day One of Twenty-Two Thousand, Give or Take - full transcript
Damon is faced with a new reality without the love of his life; Bonnie decides to be Damon's moral compass, and look out for Alaric, who lost his fiancé. Stefan protects the town from Lily;...
Previously on "the vampire diaries"...
Welcome to the wedding of alaric saltzman
And josette laughlin.
Unh!
Miss me?
[guests screaming]
Stefan!
She won't wake up.
So, bonster, I linked elena's life to yours.
As long as you're alive,
Elena will remain asleep.
Pastor: We are here today to pay our respect
To sheriff elizabeth forbes.
You and I, I can't do this right now.
I'm sorry.
Stefan: I understand if you need time to heal,
And if I have to wait for you, I will.
Caroline: Who's that?
That's my mother.
Jo: Before the 1900s, lily fell in with a group
Of witches that were cast out of the gemini coven.
Heretics are ruthless--
Vampires with witch power.
Lily: Lorenzo, it's our family.
Damon: It's time for me to say good-bye.
[panting]
[coughs]
Damon...Wake up.
I need you.
Wake up.
Damon...
Wake the hell up!
[gasps]
Caroline: "dear elena"...
"a few weeks ago, you said good-bye
"and told us to write everything down
"so you'd feel like you didn't miss anything
"when you woke up.
"bad news first.
"damon said the best way to keep his mind off you
"was to help alaric grieve,
"so in damon fashion,
"he kidnapped ric and flew him to europe
"for a guy get-away.
I'm sure you can imagine how that's going."
[chanting, "drinken!"]
Yeah! Ha ha ha! Whoo!
Caroline: "obviously, we didn't send them there
Without a chaperone."
Drinken now.
Caroline: "so damon's watching out for alaric,
"bonnie's watching out for damon,
"and I don't know exactly who's watching out for bonnie.
"matt will officially be deputy donovan next week
"when he graduates.
"as happy as I am for him,
"a big part of me wishes my mom was here to see it.
"the town council gave her a bench.
"I've been visiting it,
"hoping I'll miraculously start missing her less.
"oh. I keep thinking that if I can heal
"I can move on with my life,
But I don't see that happening anytime soon."
"anyway, I covered damon, bonnie, ric, matt.
Who am I missing?"
What you writing?
Stefan.
What are you doing here?
Matt reported some blood bags missing from the hospital,
So I thought I'd check it out.
Do you think it's your mom?
If it's not, then she has quite literally
Dropped off the face of the earth,
And I'm still deciding if that's a good thing or a bad thing.
So...How's damon?
Well, if the last time he sat around waiting decades for a girl
Taught us anything,
Then I am worried.
Well, if you're worried, then I'm terrified.
I made this, uh, a thing, didn't I?
You made what a thing?
I told you how I felt about you,
And now it's-- it's weird.
No. It's not weird, stefan.
You just asked about my brother, who you hate,
To fill awkward silence.
Ok. I don't hate damon.
I'm just...
Obviously, you know, scrambling
To fill the awkward silence.
Ok. It's a thing.
You made it a thing. Congratulations.
All right. How about this? New rule--
You live your life, you heal,
And in the meantime, we're friends.
I like that rule.
Good.
Ok.
Happy writing.
Thank you.
Caroline, voice-over: "as I was saying,
Things are great."
Woman, voice-over: "dear diary, I'm in hell.
"it's hard to imagine a place worse
"than where I've come from,
"but by some spectacular miracle,
"I found it.
"in the weeks since I've arrived,
"3 things are clear.
"the food is literally made of poison,
"the air smells like a plague,
"and everyone wants to know what everyone else is doing.
"I don't fit in here, nor do I want to.
This is not the world I imagined."
Aah!
Girl in car: Oh, my god!
Oh, my god, oh, my god, oh, my god.
What did you do?
I didn't think she'd walk right into the street.
Stu, stu, we have to call 911.
Shut up, ok? Let me think.
Ok. It's not like anyone saw us, right?
Are you insane? We can't just leave her here.
-She's not moving! -We just smoked a joint, ok?
I'm high as a freaking kite right now.
Do you want me to go to jail?
Let's go.
[honks horn]
Woman, voice-over: "as I was saying,
Complete and utter hell."
"not that my family is making it any easier.
"lily sequestered us away in some musty, abandoned house.
"stoic beau, nora the brat,
"the devious mental mary louise,
And malcolm, lily's pet."
Oh, none for me, lily.
I've already had my ration today.
Woman, voice-over: "the brown noser."
What a saint you are, malcolm.
Ah.
This is ludicrous.
Mary louise: Nora's right.
How long are we to live on 3 sips a day?
It's that prison world all over again.
Beau is not complaining.
Beau's mute.
Malcolm: And here we thought we could have
A family meal in peace.
Beau, care to join me for a game of backgammon
While the love birds bicker?
[man singing in dutch]
Alaric: I can't feel my cheeks.
-What are we drinking? -No idea.
Can you read german?
That's, uh, actually dutch.
Oh. Wait. Where are we?
Bonnie: Amsterdam.
"dear elena, yep,
"halfway across europe,
And they're still drunk."
Is that really necessary?
Elena told me to keep a journal
Of everything she's missing.
When she wakes up in 60-some years
And finds out that ric died from alcohol poisoning,
She's gonna want to know what happened.
Damon: Unless you tragically choke to death
On those cocktail peanuts.
Then I can tell her myself.
Oh. So sweet.
I'm gonna go rent a bike
And see the city like a normal tourist.
Fyi. They don't wear helmets here.
Keeps getting funnier.
Hey. Ride in the tram tracks,
Don't look both ways.
Got it.
Heh heh.
Are you sure you don't want to go with her?
Nice try. I'm not leaving you.
I don't need a baby-sitter, damon.
This isn't about what you need, ric.
It's about what I need.
Just keeping you from jumping off a cliff
Keeps my mind off of the fact
That my girlfriend's magical coma
Is linked to a bennett witch
That has a knack for avoiding permanent death.
I see. So my misery is merely a convenient distraction for you?
-Yep. -Ok.
What?
I'm glad you're here, buddy.
I'm headed to new york this afternoon
To meet up with lorenzo.
I assume I have nothing to worry about.
So you're allowed to explore the world
While we're stuck here,
Starving ourselves, pretending like
We're not the strongest people on the planet?
Need I remind you how things used to be?
You mean when you loved us
And allowed us to have actual fun?
Our appetite for murder drew unwanted attention,
Forced us to run for decades at a time,
And then got us imprisoned for 100 years.
Our way of living did not work, mary louise.
Now you want us to coexist.
We know. We've heard your speech.
What about oscar?
He's been gone days running your errands.
I highly doubt he's off living in secret.
Valerie, you're a mess. What happened?
Some horrible teenagers plowed me down
In their automobile.
Oh, dear.
Is their automobile ok?
Mary louise: Heh. Ha ha ha!
The little monsters left me for dead--
No apology, no call for help.
I was road kill, and what did I do?
I acted like road kill
Because we're governed by a pacifist,
Who'd rather see her children hurt
Than stand up for themselves.
Valerie, don't cry.
Ok? You're home now.
You're with us.
Yeah.
Who needs the rest of the world, right?
We have each other.
You resisted your urge to fight back.
That means you're learning.
I'm proud of you, valerie.
[girl gasps]
Missed a spot.
Who are you?
Remember that large squirrel
You ran over this morning?
Turns out that was actually our friend valerie.
But you looked dead.
I get that a lot.
Phasmatos maltos.
Unh!
[moaning]
Ido.
[screaming]
You're worse than your friend.
You thought about doing the right thing,
But then you just left her there.
And yet you're the first thing
In this town that I don't entirely hate.
[screaming]
Lily will be furious.
Lily needs to learn that heretics
Aren't designed to coexist.
Really, be more vain.
Well, if you were pretty, you'd be, too.
[siren]
[radio chatter]
What the hell happened?
Listen. These bodies, they're not lily's style.
It's got to be the heretics.
Damon: Reception went a little fuzzy, brother.
It sounds like you said mom got her family of crazies back.
Can I have some details?
Matt: One victim had bite wounds,
And the other one was scorched beyond recognition.
Stefan: Matt found a house that's been in foreclosure
For the last two years,
And it had its power mysteriously turned back on
Just days after ric's wedding,
So caroline is there staking it out.
Listen. I need ric to tell me how to make a bomb.
Oh. It's for you.
Hello?
Other side.
-Hello? -Alaric, I need you
To teach me how to make a bomb.
Ok. Great. Well, the party's over.
Time to go home.
I am literally staring at a treasure trove full
Of your, uh, fancy little weapons.
Yeah, exactly. Now go use one.
Oh, it's not that easy.
I mean, if we want to take them out,
We have to do it all at once.
[sighs]
All right. Well, I'm gonna have to call you back
From a less populated place,
And then I'm gonna blissfully pass out
And pretend that this never happened.
Whoa. Ok.
Lily won.
As much as we did everything to stop her,
She actually got her family back.
Stefan says he's got it,
He's got it.
Do you really believe that,
Or is that just some excuse
To continue your slow crawl towards rock bottom?
You know how many days need to tick by
Before I see elena again?
22,916 days, and that's assuming
You get some old person's disease.
I haven't even begun approach rock bottom.
Listen to yourself, damon.
Elena wants you to live your life.
Bon, if you're gonna be here,
You don't get to play the what would elena do game.
What is that supposed to mean?
Nothing.
Ohh. I've had some janky-ass bourbon in my time,
But this is...
It's not bourbon.
It's tea.
Have you ever seen this stone before?
I can't say I have.
What is it?
That's not important.
Can you commune with my wife
And tell her that I have it?
I can try, but of course,
I will need a mystical tether
To access her spirit,
Something of significance.
This is her wedding ring.
I just had a very powerful feeling.
There's a lot of energy in this ring.
You two shared a strong bond.
She loved you unconditionally.
She wants you to know she misses you.
Do you get off on this, preying on the hope and misery of people?
That ring is a fake, you dick!
I lost the real one to the first psychic I saw.
Maybe your wife's better off dead.
[grunting]
[chet faker's "bend" playing]
¶ automatically, I feel there's something wrong ¶
¶ I try to fix the pieces, trying to run from home ¶
¶ won't be seeing, not for long ¶
Enzo: It's a crime for the prettiest girl
In the bar to sit alone.
Two of your finest scotch, please, darling.
Heh. Lorenzo, how I've missed you.
And whose fault is that?
Keeping me away while you toilet train
Your new batch of orphaned puppies.
They're learning moderation so they can live
Under the radar.
You being there, living freely--
Yeah. Bad influence, blah, blah, blah. Got it.
Well, in the meantime, you've summoned me to new york.
My interest is piqued.
I was hoping you might find something for me.
During my captivity, a very dear possession
I thought was lost when our ship from England was torched
Was discovered by divers.
It's been on display in the city's maritime museum,
But it's recently disappeared again.
Why do you want it?
If anyone discovered you were looking for it, you might be in danger.
Well, all the more reason I should know why I'm looking for it.
It's a family matter, lorenzo.
Thought I was your family.
Darling, we want nothing more than to believe
You're on our side.
Your side. I stood by you
When your own sons abandoned you.
So you're willing to see my sons
For the monsters they are,
To turn your back on your friendships?
What happened to that sick boy I met on the boat,
The boy abandoned at the workhouse at the age of 4,
The boy who never knew kindness
Until the day I saved his life?
That boy is not your errand boy.
Find your own damn rock.
Caroline: There's 5 heretics--
2 guys, 3 girls-- and your mom isn't home.
-Enzo? -He's not there either,
So if we're going to do this,
Now is our window.
-Whoa, whoa. -Show me how this works.
First of all, this is a bomb.
Ok.
-That there is a timer. -Mm-hmm.
I'm gonna set it for 60 seconds.
60 seconds. Got it.
Are you sure that you want to do this?
I have to do this.
They lived in your house for 100 years.
They've seen your picture.
They'll recognize you immediately.
I'm just saying if you think this is a crazy plan,
Now's the time to speak up.
Is there any version of this plan
Where you're not worried about me?
-Probably not. -Mm-hmm.
[doorbell rings]
Welcome to mystic falls!
I'm caroline.
We're not interested.
Oh! Oh, no!
Don't worry. I'm not selling anything.
I'm your neighbor from down the block.
So?
Wow! Great place.
I love what you've done with the floors.
Is this the original hardwood?
Valerie: It's a gargantuan hell hole.
No one gives a damn about the floors.
Well, I brought you guys a housewarming gift.
Mystic falls tradition.
Valerie's allergic to nature.
Ok.
I'm just gonna put this right over here.
[foals' "what went down" playing]
[squeak]
[snap, hiss]
I am so sorry.
Clumsy.
Hmm.
So where are you guys from?
[gas hissing]
¶ when I see I man, I see a lion ¶
¶ when I see a man, I see a liar... ¶
I do love that jacket.
Thanks. I got it for my birth--
Don't you just love what she's wearing?
It's fine, though it would look entirely better on you.
[footsteps]
Matt: Hey, caroline. We should really get going
To that barbecue.
And you would be?
Her ride.
Care, we should really go.
Care isn't leaving yet.
¶ I tried, and I tried, and I was never... ¶
Give me your jacket.
¶ so no longer felt love ¶
¶ and I'm forever changed ¶
Here! Take my jacket.
Thank you.
How sweet you are.
See you!
Wait.
[gas hissing]
You forgot to tell her how good she looks.
It looks amazing on you.
Valerie: Does anyone else smell that?
¶ I want you ¶
Ric was right here.
How did we lose him?
You're wearing terrible shoes for trailing someone,
Your eyes suck, and you're slow.
Oh, I'm slow? You just spent the last few weeks
In europe with a guy pretending to be drunk,
And you didn't even notice.
True.
So which way do you want to go?
[droning] should we turn around,
Or should we go straight?
[horn honking]
Wow. Thank you.
Yeah, of course.
Hang on.
Did you see that truck coming?
What?
Did you just hesitate to save my life?
Relax. It was 3 seconds.
3 seconds.
I could have died.
You're right, bon. Had I done nothing, elena would be here,
And it would all be grand.
Enough. I'm not gonna spend the rest of my life
Thinking that you resent me.
How else am I supposed to feel, bonnie?
You're here. She's not.
Every time I look at you, all I see is not elena.
I'm so sorry this happened,
But I lost elena, too, damon,
And you're one of the few reminders
Of her I have to hold on to,
So you can resent me or love me...
But you're stuck with me.
[cell phone ringing]
To what do I owe this rare pleasure?
I hope you weren't too attached to that house.
We blew it into a pile of ash
With your family inside.
I'm sorry. You did what?
They're gone, lily, and you have until tonight
To get out of mystic falls, or we come after you next.
Unh. Centuries-old heretics,
World-weary survivalists wise beyond their lifetime
Eviscerated from the planet in one fell swoop?
My son, if I may offer you some motherly advice...
Run.
Sheriff: Please join me in recognizing
Our graduating class of new deputies
As I read their names and they receive their badges.
[applause]
Nora: What a happy little town this is.
I bet they have the most darling funerals.
Heh. Nora, I swear
Your heart must be made of pure arsenic.
Heh. Admit you love me more for it.
You know I do.
Sheriff: Deputy cornell willis.
Mar...
It's the 21st century.
We can hold hands now.
Valerie: Oh, my god.
Is this your first date in public?
That's adorable.
We should double sometime.
There's bound to be a man out there
Desperate enough to buy you dinner.
Can we focus on revenge, please?
Sheriff: Deputy taylor hall.
[chanting]
Sheriff: Deputy matthew donovan.
[chanting]
Sheriff: Deputy tim johnson.
[chanting]
Sheriff: Deputy jeffery morrison.
[applause]
Deputy george callahan.
[chanting]
Deputy don morris.
Hey. I think we have a problem.
[heretics chanting]
[people screaming]
[laughter]
Sheriff: Sorry about the malfunction, folks.
Incendia.
[people screaming]
No!
[screaming continues]
Oh, my god!
Unh! Agh!
Hello, neighbor.
[groaning]
[grunting]
Lily: Enough!
[caroline groaning]
Lily: I fought tirelessly to reunite us,
Found ways to coexist in this new world,
Sacrificed everything
To make us a family again.
How dare you jeopardize that?
All of you...
The bloodshed ends now.
-What just happened? -I don't know.
I thought we blew them up!
How did they survive that?
I have no idea.
Matt's whole class is dead.
The new sheriff-- dead.
All those people, none of them even
Had a chance to--
God, what are you looking at?
There's a splinter embedded in my neck,
And I can't seem to get it out.
[sighs]
Come here.
Thank you.
I almost got it.
It's just there's history here,
You know, this town and this house, these people,
And I just don't see a world where
Mystic falls survives a war between us and them,
And if lily thinks that she can control 5 heretics,
She's insane.
I think I know how to get through to lily.
How?
Let's just say it's a good thing damon's not here.
Caroline, voice-over: "dear elena...
"when you wake up, mystic falls will look
Nothing like you remember it."
Matt, voice-over: "we made up a story.
"a mining fire erupted in the tunnels under the town--
"out of control fires, lethal carbon monoxide levels,
The works."
Stefan, voice-over: "my mother's heretic family is back.
"their magic keeps them protected.
"they're faster and stronger than any of us,
"and they're willing to tear our town apart
"for their own entertainment.
We had to protect it."
Caroline, voice-over: "lily thought her family
"was ready to live among humans.
"she was wrong.
"the truth is, their impulsive nature
"put every citizen in this town in danger,
"so stefan negotiated a deal.
"we got time to clear out the residents,
"and in return, anyone who trespassed
Was fair game for the heretics."
Pack your things.
Your family's not safe here.
Matt, voice-over: "stefan and caroline went door to door,
"evacuating residents,
"drove out businesses, boarded up homes,
Closed off the town to traffic."
Joy williams: ¶ so come on and let it break ¶
Caroline, voice-over: "we all gave up a lot
"to get lily to agree...
But I think stefan sacrificed the most."
¶ I'm gonna stand ¶
¶ I'm gonna stand... ¶
Lily: Pick a room. There are plenty.
¶ until the levee ¶
¶ oh, until the levee... ¶
Matt, voice-over: "we hate them, they hate us,
But now at the very least, we have a truce."
Stefan: "whether we like it or not,
"we'll share our town,
"we'll live side by side with our enemies
For as long as it takes."
¶ until the levee on my heart... ¶
What are you doing with my mom's bench?
Oh, I just saw it here, and I thought
I'd put it in safekeeping,
Spare it from any future graffiti damage.
Yeah. I was just about to do the, uh, same thing.
What's the catch?
Come on. There's no catch.
Just trying to cheer you up, blondie.
Not sure if you've noticed,
But things are getting a little glum around here.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Have--have I not shown enough glee
After uprooting an entire town
Of innocent people because of you?
-Me? -Yeah.
Oh, don't clump me in with lily's circus freaks.
Well, then where should I clump you?
One day, you're helping lily,
The next you're here being nice.
Just pick a side, enzo--
Us or them.
Oh, god. You sound just like her.
That's because she doesn't trust you,
And honestly, neither do I.
[sighs]
[cell phone ringing]
How's europe?
Damon: Ric was kind of meh on "the mona lisa."
Anything I should know about?
Eh, can wait till you get back.
Well, I'm back!
Want to tell me who the hell's living in our house?
The whole town would have been slaughtered.
So we kill them and call it a day.
We already tried that.
You sent donovan to blow up a house.
Try harder.
Look. The deal has been made.
We don't mess with them, they don't mess with us.
That's very benevolent of you, brother.
You should run for mayor,
Not that anyone would be here to vote for you.
Look. What's done is done.
Do not mess this up.
Who convinced you to save a town full of people
You don't give a crap about?
Because it's not your idea,
And matt can't think his way out of a paper bag,
So it must be caroline's.
Do me a favor. Box that bottle up on your way out.
Stefan hangs up his hero hair for the girl.
And here I thought my future was bleak.
You know, elena wanted you to be happy,
To live, even encouraged you to date,
But if she wakes up and everyone she loves is dead,
Do you think that she'd be able to forgive that?
I'm not doing this for caroline, damon.
I'm doing this for you.
[radio chatter]
Hey!
Bonnie, hey!
I didn't know you were back.
I honestly don't know where I am.
Matt, surrendering the town is not a solution.
We need to stop them.
They had been stopped, bon, back in 1903,
But then you betrayed kai, he let them out,
And I got to bury all my buddies from the sheriff's department.
So this is my fault?
No. I didn't say that.
Look. I got to go patrol.
[sighs]
What are you doing here?
Have you been to mystic falls?
There is a heretic clipping his gnarly heretic toenails
In my master bath right now.
I have nowhere else to go.
So I guess it's a good thing
I didn't get hit by a truck, huh?
Come on, bonnie. It was 3 seconds.
Do you know how long 3 seconds are
In a life-or-death situation?
In the first second, I thought how amazing it would feel
To have elena in my arms again.
By second number two, I kissed her,
And by the third, I remembered you're my best friend
And that if anything ever happened to you I would lose my mind,
So, yes, bonnie,
I do know how long 3 seconds are.
I was just checking.
And I will wait for her,
And you're gonna help me.
You're stuck with me, too.
The heretics are out because of me.
No, bonnie. The heretics are out
Because my mother's a lunatic
And everyone's too scared to stop her.
I'm not. I want to fight.
I want our town back.
Trespassers are free rein, friend.
And you are?
Town witch.
[groaning]
Aah!
To be fair, you are nothing
If I take your magic.
Unh!
Hmm.
Are we making a huge mistake
Handing over our hometown
To a bunch of supernatural terrorists?
Yeah, probably.
Stop.
I'm a control freak giving up control.
I'm delicate.
Well, what would sheriff forbes do?
She would protect human life at any cost.
Well, then, no, I don't think we're making a mistake.
I thought I would heal from my mom's death.
I really thought that time would pass
And one day I would be ready to move on,
But she's my mom,
And I'm never gonna stop missing her.
Amy stroup: ¶ it's too late to tell ¶
[sighs]
Well, that's life, caroline.
I mean, you can't just
Sit back and wait for the good parts to happen,
But...What you can do is you can forgive yourself
For trying to be happy during the bad parts.
Heh.
¶ it beckons me ¶
I'm gonna go, uh, board up the front door.
¶ let it be ¶
Hey, stefan.
I am happy.
You make me happy.
Uh--uh, my best friend's gone,
My mom's dead,
Uh, the whole town is destroyed,
But when I'm with you,
I'm happy...
And, yeah, you're right.
I just need to...
[song continues]
¶ ba ba ¶
¶ I ¶
¶ fixed my eyes ¶
¶ on redeeming love ¶
¶ oh ¶
¶ I fixed my eyes ¶
¶ on redeeming love ¶
Mr. Saltzman, it's late.
I want to see her.
Look. I get it.
It's your wife,
But hospital policy says
We can only keep the body cold 30 days.
A policy you were willing to break last month.
Now...
I say we keep breaking it.
You know, it's said that once you bury a body
The grieving process begins.
Well, I'm not planning on burying her.
I'm planning on bringing her back to life.
It's a morgue. It's called gallows humor.
Now can I see her, please?
You shouldn't hide your scar, beau.
You're a survivor. Be proud.
[door opens]
Mary louise: Valerie! Beau! It's malcolm!
-Beau, help! -He's dead!
Valerie: Oh, my god! Malcolm!
We found him in town.
He was just lying there.
Nora: Oh, god. Don't let lily see this.
Lily: Malcolm?
No.
No.
No!
Oh!
Oh, sweetheart.
Oh, my sweet boy.
Who took him from us?
Who did this?
[sobs]
Caroline, voice-over: "dear elena, so remember
"how I said everything was falling apart earlier?
Maybe not everything."
Enzo: What is it with everyone's
Incessant need to write down
Every single feeling?
Ok. This whole stalker thing
Is not even remotely charming.
What, even if I'm here to tell you you were right?
Especially to tell me that I'm right
Because I already knew that.
So, uh, word on the street
Is that one of lily's magical elves
Lost his heart.
What?
You haven't heard?
Yeah. Someone killed malcolm.
I believe he was her eldest.
Well, who killed him?
Because we had a deal--
Yeah. Trust is a fickle thing.
That got me thinking that if I want people to trust me
Then I've got to earn it.
That starts with choosing a side,
So here I am.
Well, good for you. I need to call stef--
I reckon it goes without saying
I chose lily.
I told you not to bother me
Until elena was awake.
That's too bad. We got to go.
Why?
She's back.
[gunshots]
[groaning]
I guess she upped her game.
My scar opened up this morning.
I figured she was back.
I didn't realize she was this close.
You better get used to it, brother.
She's not gonna stop until you're dead.
Come on. Ugh.
Welcome to the wedding of alaric saltzman
And josette laughlin.
Unh!
Miss me?
[guests screaming]
Stefan!
She won't wake up.
So, bonster, I linked elena's life to yours.
As long as you're alive,
Elena will remain asleep.
Pastor: We are here today to pay our respect
To sheriff elizabeth forbes.
You and I, I can't do this right now.
I'm sorry.
Stefan: I understand if you need time to heal,
And if I have to wait for you, I will.
Caroline: Who's that?
That's my mother.
Jo: Before the 1900s, lily fell in with a group
Of witches that were cast out of the gemini coven.
Heretics are ruthless--
Vampires with witch power.
Lily: Lorenzo, it's our family.
Damon: It's time for me to say good-bye.
[panting]
[coughs]
Damon...Wake up.
I need you.
Wake up.
Damon...
Wake the hell up!
[gasps]
Caroline: "dear elena"...
"a few weeks ago, you said good-bye
"and told us to write everything down
"so you'd feel like you didn't miss anything
"when you woke up.
"bad news first.
"damon said the best way to keep his mind off you
"was to help alaric grieve,
"so in damon fashion,
"he kidnapped ric and flew him to europe
"for a guy get-away.
I'm sure you can imagine how that's going."
[chanting, "drinken!"]
Yeah! Ha ha ha! Whoo!
Caroline: "obviously, we didn't send them there
Without a chaperone."
Drinken now.
Caroline: "so damon's watching out for alaric,
"bonnie's watching out for damon,
"and I don't know exactly who's watching out for bonnie.
"matt will officially be deputy donovan next week
"when he graduates.
"as happy as I am for him,
"a big part of me wishes my mom was here to see it.
"the town council gave her a bench.
"I've been visiting it,
"hoping I'll miraculously start missing her less.
"oh. I keep thinking that if I can heal
"I can move on with my life,
But I don't see that happening anytime soon."
"anyway, I covered damon, bonnie, ric, matt.
Who am I missing?"
What you writing?
Stefan.
What are you doing here?
Matt reported some blood bags missing from the hospital,
So I thought I'd check it out.
Do you think it's your mom?
If it's not, then she has quite literally
Dropped off the face of the earth,
And I'm still deciding if that's a good thing or a bad thing.
So...How's damon?
Well, if the last time he sat around waiting decades for a girl
Taught us anything,
Then I am worried.
Well, if you're worried, then I'm terrified.
I made this, uh, a thing, didn't I?
You made what a thing?
I told you how I felt about you,
And now it's-- it's weird.
No. It's not weird, stefan.
You just asked about my brother, who you hate,
To fill awkward silence.
Ok. I don't hate damon.
I'm just...
Obviously, you know, scrambling
To fill the awkward silence.
Ok. It's a thing.
You made it a thing. Congratulations.
All right. How about this? New rule--
You live your life, you heal,
And in the meantime, we're friends.
I like that rule.
Good.
Ok.
Happy writing.
Thank you.
Caroline, voice-over: "as I was saying,
Things are great."
Woman, voice-over: "dear diary, I'm in hell.
"it's hard to imagine a place worse
"than where I've come from,
"but by some spectacular miracle,
"I found it.
"in the weeks since I've arrived,
"3 things are clear.
"the food is literally made of poison,
"the air smells like a plague,
"and everyone wants to know what everyone else is doing.
"I don't fit in here, nor do I want to.
This is not the world I imagined."
Aah!
Girl in car: Oh, my god!
Oh, my god, oh, my god, oh, my god.
What did you do?
I didn't think she'd walk right into the street.
Stu, stu, we have to call 911.
Shut up, ok? Let me think.
Ok. It's not like anyone saw us, right?
Are you insane? We can't just leave her here.
-She's not moving! -We just smoked a joint, ok?
I'm high as a freaking kite right now.
Do you want me to go to jail?
Let's go.
[honks horn]
Woman, voice-over: "as I was saying,
Complete and utter hell."
"not that my family is making it any easier.
"lily sequestered us away in some musty, abandoned house.
"stoic beau, nora the brat,
"the devious mental mary louise,
And malcolm, lily's pet."
Oh, none for me, lily.
I've already had my ration today.
Woman, voice-over: "the brown noser."
What a saint you are, malcolm.
Ah.
This is ludicrous.
Mary louise: Nora's right.
How long are we to live on 3 sips a day?
It's that prison world all over again.
Beau is not complaining.
Beau's mute.
Malcolm: And here we thought we could have
A family meal in peace.
Beau, care to join me for a game of backgammon
While the love birds bicker?
[man singing in dutch]
Alaric: I can't feel my cheeks.
-What are we drinking? -No idea.
Can you read german?
That's, uh, actually dutch.
Oh. Wait. Where are we?
Bonnie: Amsterdam.
"dear elena, yep,
"halfway across europe,
And they're still drunk."
Is that really necessary?
Elena told me to keep a journal
Of everything she's missing.
When she wakes up in 60-some years
And finds out that ric died from alcohol poisoning,
She's gonna want to know what happened.
Damon: Unless you tragically choke to death
On those cocktail peanuts.
Then I can tell her myself.
Oh. So sweet.
I'm gonna go rent a bike
And see the city like a normal tourist.
Fyi. They don't wear helmets here.
Keeps getting funnier.
Hey. Ride in the tram tracks,
Don't look both ways.
Got it.
Heh heh.
Are you sure you don't want to go with her?
Nice try. I'm not leaving you.
I don't need a baby-sitter, damon.
This isn't about what you need, ric.
It's about what I need.
Just keeping you from jumping off a cliff
Keeps my mind off of the fact
That my girlfriend's magical coma
Is linked to a bennett witch
That has a knack for avoiding permanent death.
I see. So my misery is merely a convenient distraction for you?
-Yep. -Ok.
What?
I'm glad you're here, buddy.
I'm headed to new york this afternoon
To meet up with lorenzo.
I assume I have nothing to worry about.
So you're allowed to explore the world
While we're stuck here,
Starving ourselves, pretending like
We're not the strongest people on the planet?
Need I remind you how things used to be?
You mean when you loved us
And allowed us to have actual fun?
Our appetite for murder drew unwanted attention,
Forced us to run for decades at a time,
And then got us imprisoned for 100 years.
Our way of living did not work, mary louise.
Now you want us to coexist.
We know. We've heard your speech.
What about oscar?
He's been gone days running your errands.
I highly doubt he's off living in secret.
Valerie, you're a mess. What happened?
Some horrible teenagers plowed me down
In their automobile.
Oh, dear.
Is their automobile ok?
Mary louise: Heh. Ha ha ha!
The little monsters left me for dead--
No apology, no call for help.
I was road kill, and what did I do?
I acted like road kill
Because we're governed by a pacifist,
Who'd rather see her children hurt
Than stand up for themselves.
Valerie, don't cry.
Ok? You're home now.
You're with us.
Yeah.
Who needs the rest of the world, right?
We have each other.
You resisted your urge to fight back.
That means you're learning.
I'm proud of you, valerie.
[girl gasps]
Missed a spot.
Who are you?
Remember that large squirrel
You ran over this morning?
Turns out that was actually our friend valerie.
But you looked dead.
I get that a lot.
Phasmatos maltos.
Unh!
[moaning]
Ido.
[screaming]
You're worse than your friend.
You thought about doing the right thing,
But then you just left her there.
And yet you're the first thing
In this town that I don't entirely hate.
[screaming]
Lily will be furious.
Lily needs to learn that heretics
Aren't designed to coexist.
Really, be more vain.
Well, if you were pretty, you'd be, too.
[siren]
[radio chatter]
What the hell happened?
Listen. These bodies, they're not lily's style.
It's got to be the heretics.
Damon: Reception went a little fuzzy, brother.
It sounds like you said mom got her family of crazies back.
Can I have some details?
Matt: One victim had bite wounds,
And the other one was scorched beyond recognition.
Stefan: Matt found a house that's been in foreclosure
For the last two years,
And it had its power mysteriously turned back on
Just days after ric's wedding,
So caroline is there staking it out.
Listen. I need ric to tell me how to make a bomb.
Oh. It's for you.
Hello?
Other side.
-Hello? -Alaric, I need you
To teach me how to make a bomb.
Ok. Great. Well, the party's over.
Time to go home.
I am literally staring at a treasure trove full
Of your, uh, fancy little weapons.
Yeah, exactly. Now go use one.
Oh, it's not that easy.
I mean, if we want to take them out,
We have to do it all at once.
[sighs]
All right. Well, I'm gonna have to call you back
From a less populated place,
And then I'm gonna blissfully pass out
And pretend that this never happened.
Whoa. Ok.
Lily won.
As much as we did everything to stop her,
She actually got her family back.
Stefan says he's got it,
He's got it.
Do you really believe that,
Or is that just some excuse
To continue your slow crawl towards rock bottom?
You know how many days need to tick by
Before I see elena again?
22,916 days, and that's assuming
You get some old person's disease.
I haven't even begun approach rock bottom.
Listen to yourself, damon.
Elena wants you to live your life.
Bon, if you're gonna be here,
You don't get to play the what would elena do game.
What is that supposed to mean?
Nothing.
Ohh. I've had some janky-ass bourbon in my time,
But this is...
It's not bourbon.
It's tea.
Have you ever seen this stone before?
I can't say I have.
What is it?
That's not important.
Can you commune with my wife
And tell her that I have it?
I can try, but of course,
I will need a mystical tether
To access her spirit,
Something of significance.
This is her wedding ring.
I just had a very powerful feeling.
There's a lot of energy in this ring.
You two shared a strong bond.
She loved you unconditionally.
She wants you to know she misses you.
Do you get off on this, preying on the hope and misery of people?
That ring is a fake, you dick!
I lost the real one to the first psychic I saw.
Maybe your wife's better off dead.
[grunting]
[chet faker's "bend" playing]
¶ automatically, I feel there's something wrong ¶
¶ I try to fix the pieces, trying to run from home ¶
¶ won't be seeing, not for long ¶
Enzo: It's a crime for the prettiest girl
In the bar to sit alone.
Two of your finest scotch, please, darling.
Heh. Lorenzo, how I've missed you.
And whose fault is that?
Keeping me away while you toilet train
Your new batch of orphaned puppies.
They're learning moderation so they can live
Under the radar.
You being there, living freely--
Yeah. Bad influence, blah, blah, blah. Got it.
Well, in the meantime, you've summoned me to new york.
My interest is piqued.
I was hoping you might find something for me.
During my captivity, a very dear possession
I thought was lost when our ship from England was torched
Was discovered by divers.
It's been on display in the city's maritime museum,
But it's recently disappeared again.
Why do you want it?
If anyone discovered you were looking for it, you might be in danger.
Well, all the more reason I should know why I'm looking for it.
It's a family matter, lorenzo.
Thought I was your family.
Darling, we want nothing more than to believe
You're on our side.
Your side. I stood by you
When your own sons abandoned you.
So you're willing to see my sons
For the monsters they are,
To turn your back on your friendships?
What happened to that sick boy I met on the boat,
The boy abandoned at the workhouse at the age of 4,
The boy who never knew kindness
Until the day I saved his life?
That boy is not your errand boy.
Find your own damn rock.
Caroline: There's 5 heretics--
2 guys, 3 girls-- and your mom isn't home.
-Enzo? -He's not there either,
So if we're going to do this,
Now is our window.
-Whoa, whoa. -Show me how this works.
First of all, this is a bomb.
Ok.
-That there is a timer. -Mm-hmm.
I'm gonna set it for 60 seconds.
60 seconds. Got it.
Are you sure that you want to do this?
I have to do this.
They lived in your house for 100 years.
They've seen your picture.
They'll recognize you immediately.
I'm just saying if you think this is a crazy plan,
Now's the time to speak up.
Is there any version of this plan
Where you're not worried about me?
-Probably not. -Mm-hmm.
[doorbell rings]
Welcome to mystic falls!
I'm caroline.
We're not interested.
Oh! Oh, no!
Don't worry. I'm not selling anything.
I'm your neighbor from down the block.
So?
Wow! Great place.
I love what you've done with the floors.
Is this the original hardwood?
Valerie: It's a gargantuan hell hole.
No one gives a damn about the floors.
Well, I brought you guys a housewarming gift.
Mystic falls tradition.
Valerie's allergic to nature.
Ok.
I'm just gonna put this right over here.
[foals' "what went down" playing]
[squeak]
[snap, hiss]
I am so sorry.
Clumsy.
Hmm.
So where are you guys from?
[gas hissing]
¶ when I see I man, I see a lion ¶
¶ when I see a man, I see a liar... ¶
I do love that jacket.
Thanks. I got it for my birth--
Don't you just love what she's wearing?
It's fine, though it would look entirely better on you.
[footsteps]
Matt: Hey, caroline. We should really get going
To that barbecue.
And you would be?
Her ride.
Care, we should really go.
Care isn't leaving yet.
¶ I tried, and I tried, and I was never... ¶
Give me your jacket.
¶ so no longer felt love ¶
¶ and I'm forever changed ¶
Here! Take my jacket.
Thank you.
How sweet you are.
See you!
Wait.
[gas hissing]
You forgot to tell her how good she looks.
It looks amazing on you.
Valerie: Does anyone else smell that?
¶ I want you ¶
Ric was right here.
How did we lose him?
You're wearing terrible shoes for trailing someone,
Your eyes suck, and you're slow.
Oh, I'm slow? You just spent the last few weeks
In europe with a guy pretending to be drunk,
And you didn't even notice.
True.
So which way do you want to go?
[droning] should we turn around,
Or should we go straight?
[horn honking]
Wow. Thank you.
Yeah, of course.
Hang on.
Did you see that truck coming?
What?
Did you just hesitate to save my life?
Relax. It was 3 seconds.
3 seconds.
I could have died.
You're right, bon. Had I done nothing, elena would be here,
And it would all be grand.
Enough. I'm not gonna spend the rest of my life
Thinking that you resent me.
How else am I supposed to feel, bonnie?
You're here. She's not.
Every time I look at you, all I see is not elena.
I'm so sorry this happened,
But I lost elena, too, damon,
And you're one of the few reminders
Of her I have to hold on to,
So you can resent me or love me...
But you're stuck with me.
[cell phone ringing]
To what do I owe this rare pleasure?
I hope you weren't too attached to that house.
We blew it into a pile of ash
With your family inside.
I'm sorry. You did what?
They're gone, lily, and you have until tonight
To get out of mystic falls, or we come after you next.
Unh. Centuries-old heretics,
World-weary survivalists wise beyond their lifetime
Eviscerated from the planet in one fell swoop?
My son, if I may offer you some motherly advice...
Run.
Sheriff: Please join me in recognizing
Our graduating class of new deputies
As I read their names and they receive their badges.
[applause]
Nora: What a happy little town this is.
I bet they have the most darling funerals.
Heh. Nora, I swear
Your heart must be made of pure arsenic.
Heh. Admit you love me more for it.
You know I do.
Sheriff: Deputy cornell willis.
Mar...
It's the 21st century.
We can hold hands now.
Valerie: Oh, my god.
Is this your first date in public?
That's adorable.
We should double sometime.
There's bound to be a man out there
Desperate enough to buy you dinner.
Can we focus on revenge, please?
Sheriff: Deputy taylor hall.
[chanting]
Sheriff: Deputy matthew donovan.
[chanting]
Sheriff: Deputy tim johnson.
[chanting]
Sheriff: Deputy jeffery morrison.
[applause]
Deputy george callahan.
[chanting]
Deputy don morris.
Hey. I think we have a problem.
[heretics chanting]
[people screaming]
[laughter]
Sheriff: Sorry about the malfunction, folks.
Incendia.
[people screaming]
No!
[screaming continues]
Oh, my god!
Unh! Agh!
Hello, neighbor.
[groaning]
[grunting]
Lily: Enough!
[caroline groaning]
Lily: I fought tirelessly to reunite us,
Found ways to coexist in this new world,
Sacrificed everything
To make us a family again.
How dare you jeopardize that?
All of you...
The bloodshed ends now.
-What just happened? -I don't know.
I thought we blew them up!
How did they survive that?
I have no idea.
Matt's whole class is dead.
The new sheriff-- dead.
All those people, none of them even
Had a chance to--
God, what are you looking at?
There's a splinter embedded in my neck,
And I can't seem to get it out.
[sighs]
Come here.
Thank you.
I almost got it.
It's just there's history here,
You know, this town and this house, these people,
And I just don't see a world where
Mystic falls survives a war between us and them,
And if lily thinks that she can control 5 heretics,
She's insane.
I think I know how to get through to lily.
How?
Let's just say it's a good thing damon's not here.
Caroline, voice-over: "dear elena...
"when you wake up, mystic falls will look
Nothing like you remember it."
Matt, voice-over: "we made up a story.
"a mining fire erupted in the tunnels under the town--
"out of control fires, lethal carbon monoxide levels,
The works."
Stefan, voice-over: "my mother's heretic family is back.
"their magic keeps them protected.
"they're faster and stronger than any of us,
"and they're willing to tear our town apart
"for their own entertainment.
We had to protect it."
Caroline, voice-over: "lily thought her family
"was ready to live among humans.
"she was wrong.
"the truth is, their impulsive nature
"put every citizen in this town in danger,
"so stefan negotiated a deal.
"we got time to clear out the residents,
"and in return, anyone who trespassed
Was fair game for the heretics."
Pack your things.
Your family's not safe here.
Matt, voice-over: "stefan and caroline went door to door,
"evacuating residents,
"drove out businesses, boarded up homes,
Closed off the town to traffic."
Joy williams: ¶ so come on and let it break ¶
Caroline, voice-over: "we all gave up a lot
"to get lily to agree...
But I think stefan sacrificed the most."
¶ I'm gonna stand ¶
¶ I'm gonna stand... ¶
Lily: Pick a room. There are plenty.
¶ until the levee ¶
¶ oh, until the levee... ¶
Matt, voice-over: "we hate them, they hate us,
But now at the very least, we have a truce."
Stefan: "whether we like it or not,
"we'll share our town,
"we'll live side by side with our enemies
For as long as it takes."
¶ until the levee on my heart... ¶
What are you doing with my mom's bench?
Oh, I just saw it here, and I thought
I'd put it in safekeeping,
Spare it from any future graffiti damage.
Yeah. I was just about to do the, uh, same thing.
What's the catch?
Come on. There's no catch.
Just trying to cheer you up, blondie.
Not sure if you've noticed,
But things are getting a little glum around here.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Have--have I not shown enough glee
After uprooting an entire town
Of innocent people because of you?
-Me? -Yeah.
Oh, don't clump me in with lily's circus freaks.
Well, then where should I clump you?
One day, you're helping lily,
The next you're here being nice.
Just pick a side, enzo--
Us or them.
Oh, god. You sound just like her.
That's because she doesn't trust you,
And honestly, neither do I.
[sighs]
[cell phone ringing]
How's europe?
Damon: Ric was kind of meh on "the mona lisa."
Anything I should know about?
Eh, can wait till you get back.
Well, I'm back!
Want to tell me who the hell's living in our house?
The whole town would have been slaughtered.
So we kill them and call it a day.
We already tried that.
You sent donovan to blow up a house.
Try harder.
Look. The deal has been made.
We don't mess with them, they don't mess with us.
That's very benevolent of you, brother.
You should run for mayor,
Not that anyone would be here to vote for you.
Look. What's done is done.
Do not mess this up.
Who convinced you to save a town full of people
You don't give a crap about?
Because it's not your idea,
And matt can't think his way out of a paper bag,
So it must be caroline's.
Do me a favor. Box that bottle up on your way out.
Stefan hangs up his hero hair for the girl.
And here I thought my future was bleak.
You know, elena wanted you to be happy,
To live, even encouraged you to date,
But if she wakes up and everyone she loves is dead,
Do you think that she'd be able to forgive that?
I'm not doing this for caroline, damon.
I'm doing this for you.
[radio chatter]
Hey!
Bonnie, hey!
I didn't know you were back.
I honestly don't know where I am.
Matt, surrendering the town is not a solution.
We need to stop them.
They had been stopped, bon, back in 1903,
But then you betrayed kai, he let them out,
And I got to bury all my buddies from the sheriff's department.
So this is my fault?
No. I didn't say that.
Look. I got to go patrol.
[sighs]
What are you doing here?
Have you been to mystic falls?
There is a heretic clipping his gnarly heretic toenails
In my master bath right now.
I have nowhere else to go.
So I guess it's a good thing
I didn't get hit by a truck, huh?
Come on, bonnie. It was 3 seconds.
Do you know how long 3 seconds are
In a life-or-death situation?
In the first second, I thought how amazing it would feel
To have elena in my arms again.
By second number two, I kissed her,
And by the third, I remembered you're my best friend
And that if anything ever happened to you I would lose my mind,
So, yes, bonnie,
I do know how long 3 seconds are.
I was just checking.
And I will wait for her,
And you're gonna help me.
You're stuck with me, too.
The heretics are out because of me.
No, bonnie. The heretics are out
Because my mother's a lunatic
And everyone's too scared to stop her.
I'm not. I want to fight.
I want our town back.
Trespassers are free rein, friend.
And you are?
Town witch.
[groaning]
Aah!
To be fair, you are nothing
If I take your magic.
Unh!
Hmm.
Are we making a huge mistake
Handing over our hometown
To a bunch of supernatural terrorists?
Yeah, probably.
Stop.
I'm a control freak giving up control.
I'm delicate.
Well, what would sheriff forbes do?
She would protect human life at any cost.
Well, then, no, I don't think we're making a mistake.
I thought I would heal from my mom's death.
I really thought that time would pass
And one day I would be ready to move on,
But she's my mom,
And I'm never gonna stop missing her.
Amy stroup: ¶ it's too late to tell ¶
[sighs]
Well, that's life, caroline.
I mean, you can't just
Sit back and wait for the good parts to happen,
But...What you can do is you can forgive yourself
For trying to be happy during the bad parts.
Heh.
¶ it beckons me ¶
I'm gonna go, uh, board up the front door.
¶ let it be ¶
Hey, stefan.
I am happy.
You make me happy.
Uh--uh, my best friend's gone,
My mom's dead,
Uh, the whole town is destroyed,
But when I'm with you,
I'm happy...
And, yeah, you're right.
I just need to...
[song continues]
¶ ba ba ¶
¶ I ¶
¶ fixed my eyes ¶
¶ on redeeming love ¶
¶ oh ¶
¶ I fixed my eyes ¶
¶ on redeeming love ¶
Mr. Saltzman, it's late.
I want to see her.
Look. I get it.
It's your wife,
But hospital policy says
We can only keep the body cold 30 days.
A policy you were willing to break last month.
Now...
I say we keep breaking it.
You know, it's said that once you bury a body
The grieving process begins.
Well, I'm not planning on burying her.
I'm planning on bringing her back to life.
It's a morgue. It's called gallows humor.
Now can I see her, please?
You shouldn't hide your scar, beau.
You're a survivor. Be proud.
[door opens]
Mary louise: Valerie! Beau! It's malcolm!
-Beau, help! -He's dead!
Valerie: Oh, my god! Malcolm!
We found him in town.
He was just lying there.
Nora: Oh, god. Don't let lily see this.
Lily: Malcolm?
No.
No.
No!
Oh!
Oh, sweetheart.
Oh, my sweet boy.
Who took him from us?
Who did this?
[sobs]
Caroline, voice-over: "dear elena, so remember
"how I said everything was falling apart earlier?
Maybe not everything."
Enzo: What is it with everyone's
Incessant need to write down
Every single feeling?
Ok. This whole stalker thing
Is not even remotely charming.
What, even if I'm here to tell you you were right?
Especially to tell me that I'm right
Because I already knew that.
So, uh, word on the street
Is that one of lily's magical elves
Lost his heart.
What?
You haven't heard?
Yeah. Someone killed malcolm.
I believe he was her eldest.
Well, who killed him?
Because we had a deal--
Yeah. Trust is a fickle thing.
That got me thinking that if I want people to trust me
Then I've got to earn it.
That starts with choosing a side,
So here I am.
Well, good for you. I need to call stef--
I reckon it goes without saying
I chose lily.
I told you not to bother me
Until elena was awake.
That's too bad. We got to go.
Why?
She's back.
[gunshots]
[groaning]
I guess she upped her game.
My scar opened up this morning.
I figured she was back.
I didn't realize she was this close.
You better get used to it, brother.
She's not gonna stop until you're dead.
Come on. Ugh.