The Vampire Diaries (2009–2017): Season 6, Episode 21 - I'll Wed You in the Golden Summertime - full transcript

Elena and Bonnie help Jo with last minute wedding preparations.

Previously on
"The Vampire Diaries"...

The cure to vampirism.

You're gonna take
the cure, Elena,

and I'm gonna take it with you.

I can't let you do this

before you've let
everyone in your life

try to talk you out of it.

- I'm pregnant.
- Marry me.

Yes.

Stefan: If my life is
gonna fall apart

when my humanity
starts flooding back,



then so is yours.

I tried to kill you,
and then I made you turn it off.

I ruined everything.

Jo: Before the 1900s,
Lily fell in with a group of witches

that were cast out
of the Gemini coven.

Heretics are ruthless,

vampires with witch power.

They can never be
allowed to escape.

It's time we get
the hell out of this place.

You went off
the deep end last night.

Aah!

I'm a mess.

Unh!

You have no idea
what devastation feels like,



but you will.

Elena?

Hello again, Bonnie.

Lily. I thought Stefan
locked you in the cellar.

He did, but prisons
are easily escaped.

You of all people
should know that.

What do you want?

Must I constantly repeat myself?

If you don't know
what I want by now...

You want your creepy
witch vampire family back.

Well, at the risk of repeating
myself, there's no way.

Isn't there?
What's that term

you witches are so fond of?
"Loophole"?

Hmm. Even if there
is a loophole,

I won't help you find it.

Oh, you've made
your position quite clear.

Apparently, I failed
to do the same,

because you seem to think
that I'm here for your help.

I'm not.

Phesmatos incendia.

Hmm. Those are
lovely words, Bonnie.

Here's another one... die.

[Gasp]

Unh! Ohh!

Agh!

Wow. You are not
good at running.

Motus.

No magic?
Oh, that's my fault.

I was spooning you earlier.

I think I might've
sleep-siphoned you.

Oh, but keep trying.
It's adorable,

like you're having
a little seizure.

- How are you...
- Did you think

you could keep screwing
people over

and there wouldn't be
any consequences?

Lily: Now...

Where were we?

[Snarls]

Up, up, up. Come on.
No time to sleep in.

We have to get Jo.

- Get Jo?
- Yeah.

Is everything ok?

I hope so, considering
she's walking down the aisle

in t-minus 10 hours.

Come on.
[Claps]

Wedding bells await.

♪ The Vampire Diaries:
"I'll Wed You In The Golden Summer Time" ♪

Season 6 Episode 21
Original Airdate May 7, 2015

Crap.

- They're not here.
- What's wrong?

My shoes.
My gorgeous,

ridiculously expensive,
wear them once

and then never again shoes.
They are missing.

Do you want me to do
a locator spell?

- On my shoes?
- Mm-hmm.

- Is that possible?
- I don't know, actually.

Just hang on.
I got to figure out

how to work this stupid thing.

Oh, good.
Break it

because my wrinkled
dress will surely

distract everyone
from my bare feet.

Hey, hey.
Come on.

Don't waste all your panic now.

You still have 8 hours
until the ceremony.

Non-alcoholic mimosa?

One, a non-alcoholic
mimosa is just orange juice,

and two, I can't drink.

Somebody should drink.
You should drink.

I will drink, eventually,

but I have human tolerance now,

which is cheaper
but a lot less fun.

Cheers.

[Cell phone ringing]

Oh. Oh!

Relax.

[Exhales]

Jo's phone.

Oh. Huh.

Uh, ok.

That's not an "ok" ok.

That's a "there's a problem" ok.

Yeah, we'll call you back.
Ok, bye.

Danielle's got the flu.

Heh. It sounded
like you just said

Danielle has the flu,

which is impossible
because Danielle

is my wedding coordinator.

Yeah.

Well, how sick is she?
Can she still work?

It depends on how much

vomit you want to have
at the wedding.

Caroline: To be honest, I think
maybe this is a good thing,

because no matter
how good Danielle was,

I am pretty sure I'm better.

Caroline.

I missed you.

I missed me, too.

Thank you for getting me back.

[Sniffles]

Hi.

[Caroline laughs]

Ok. Now, we got a lot to do

and not a lot of time to do it.

Elena, just have a drink.

You're not going to pass out.

Bonnie, the switch
is on the left-hand side

- on the back.
- Oh.

And Jo, I can see
your shoes under the couch.

Ok, now, who's
dealing with the boys?

Ok, we got suits.

I got the rings.

And the vows.

So... what do we do now?

Tyler: To Alaric Saltzman,

who after today,
will have sex with

only one woman for
the rest of his life.

Seriously, just one.
You can't even look after this.

Not that chicks are
throwing themselves

at an occult studies
professor, but...

Yeah, actually, you should probably
lock this down while you can.

Yeah, you remember
how great it was

when you two were fighting?

Sorry.
Full moon tonight.

Feeling extra dickish.

And what's your excuse?

[Cell phones ringing]

What? What is it?

Wedding day chores.

Both: Courtesy of Caroline.

Karma.
Sweet, sweet karma.

Ha!

Ok, the boys are
officially taken care of.

Bride and maid of honor
are in hair and makeup.

I'm gonna head
to the venue and fix

whatever they're screwing up.

Elena, the curling iron.

Yes, I see it, Care.

- Ok.
- I'm human now, not blind.

And I'm not fragile, either.

You don't have to walk
on eggshells around me.

Uh, I do, actually,

because if you walked on them,

they could cut you,
you'd get infected,

and probably die.

You know what?

Given my luck,

that actually seems possible.

[Both giggle]

So what's it like now
in the world of the living?

It's different.
I'm slower.

I have to look both ways
before crossing the street.

- But it's nice to not...
- Be a monster like me

who turns off their humanity and
commits murder instead of dealing

with grief like a normal person?

I was gonna say
not to have to wear

a daylight ring all the time.

[Chuckles]

Look, I'm so sorry, Elena,

I was trying to hurt you

when I said that you would never

truly be happy with Damon
because you weren't human.

And now you are, and I just hope

that it's not because
I made you think that

you would be miserable
for eternity.

Care. I've wanted to be human
from the day I became a vampire.

Besides, I'm the last person
that you need to apologize to.

Thanks.
I kind of wanted

to start with an easy one.

The dreaded amends tour.

Mmm. If you see Stefan,
by the way,

I am avoiding.

I just need to get
my life in order first.

Starting with my friends.

Stefan's not a friend?

Stefan's... complicated.

I just figured I'd work
my way up to that one.

Well, you're in the clear.

He's got his hands full
with Damon today.

What's wrong with Damon?

Not much.
He just

said he would take
the cure with me.

Damon Salvatore?

Human? I...

I can't even picture it.

Yeah. Something tells me
neither can he.

Damon: "Sure,
I'll be your best man, Ric,

"but first, hang out
with the worst men

"so that my brother
can kidnap me

on the day of your wedding."

Hey, don't you hate
weddings anyway?

I hate little Stefan
mind games even more.

Hmm.

So any time
you want to clue me in

as to where the hell
we're going.

Oh, come on. It's
your last few days as a vampire.

You can't blame me
for wanting to spend

some quality time
with my brother.

Ah, look.
Here we are.

Is Mr. Rogers expecting us?

You know Mr. Rogers
is dead, right?

Yeah, we're gonna be
joining him in make-believe

if you don't get
to the damn point.

So this is a house I lived in

during one of my many
attempts to start over.

Welcome to
your suburban nightmare.

You don't think
I've thought this through?

Well, I think you've thought
about a life with Elena.

I don't think you've
thought about neighbors

or a mortgage or...

Or kids.

I don't know.

Might not be your thing.

Relax. Relax.

I'm not here to cause mischief.

Said everyone who ever
causes mischief.

I told Lily I'd visit.

Is this like some Oedipus thing?

All right. You know what?
Doesn't matter.

Excuse me, little witch.

If you think
I'm gonna let you...

A ruiner... in here
to see another ruiner

on the day of Jo's wedding,
you got another thing coming.

She's lonely and hungry.

And she can't eat that.

I'm not trying to feed her.

I'm trying to keep her sane.

That is filled
with loads of songs

from the last era she knew.

I thought it might
bring her comfort.

If you're not
a complete monster,

I trust you'll pass it on.

Lily: I want my family back.

That's all I've ever wanted,

to have my family back
with me where they belong.

What?

Ohh!

Aah!

She was rambling on
about her family,

and then I got close to her,

and she attacked me
like an animal.

Sounds like she's reached
the full-blown crazy stage

of drying out.

You're saying this is all
because she's drying out?

It's hard for me to
explain how awful it is,

but, yeah, your mind starts
playing tricks on you.

You start seeing things
and people.

What happens when
the crazy stage is over?

Well, Stefan said
that he has a plan,

you know, to get her
back on track.

Does that plan involve
letting her out?

Because if he thinks she's
giving up on her family...

She has to.

Bonnie, you already
destroyed the ascendant.

What if there's a loophole?

[Footsteps]

I'm dreading it,
but I guess I should think

about putting the dress on.

Something's wrong.

It's not the dress, is it?
Tell me it's not the dress.

We were just discussing
the fact that there's

a desiccating vampire
locked in a cell

less than 50 feet from
where we're getting ready.

Did she do something
to the dress?

- The dress is fine.
- I'm just being paranoid.

Matt: Ok. Truck's here.
Who's coming?

Caroline suggested
in a semi-threatening way

that I pick up the centerpieces,

which sounds like a Donovan
screw-up waiting to happen.

I'll come!

- Thank you!
- Yeah.

Caroline: No, not there.
There.

Just a little bit higher.

Well, that's not
a little, but...

But I'm bad at flowers?

Yeah. I assumed you knew that.

Caroline, why am I here?

I tried to kill you.

My humanity was off,
but I still tried to kill you,

and you're my friend,
and I'm sorry.

That's funny.

You and I moved on a while ago,

but getting tortured by your ex
and her new boyfriend

- is never good for the ego.
- He's not my boyfriend.

Whatever he is.
I can't keep up.

You have to know I would
never do anything like that

if it weren't for...

You're good, Care,

and if you want to make amends,
let me get the hell out of here.

Ha ha ha!
Nice try, ok,

but if I were getting married

at an altar
that looked like that,

I would be divorced in a week,

so come on, Lockwood.

Next row.

Liv: Honestly,
you should probably

do that yourself.

Liv, what are you doing here?

You do know that Jo's
my sister, right?

Goodie! More amends.

Drinks will help!
Strong ones.

You look good.

Thanks.

- How are things?
- Good.

Still recovering
from that injury?

What injury?

Whatever head injury turned you
into a monosyllabic goon.

Monosyllabic.
That's an awfully big word

for a college dropout.

Oh, I'm sorry. Was
I supposed to stay at Whitmore

after my ass
of a boyfriend told me

he never wanted to see me again?

Hang on.
You're mad at me?

I lost my brother
and then my boyfriend

in the span of a week.

And instead of coming to me,
you tried to kill yourself.

I was hurt.

That doesn't make it ok.

You're lecturing me
on flying off the handle?

Wow! You know what?

I'm gonna wait outside.

Gemini wedding means big coven
reunion heading this way.

Elena says she's desiccating

and that's why
she's crazy, but...

Yeah.

She killed two people last week

when she wasn't desiccating.

I know this will sound crazy,

but I've been having
these nightmares

with her and Kai.

Here.

What's this?

When Bonnie Bennett has a hunch,

you don't ignore it.

What do you think we should do?

I know what we shouldn't do...

Leave her in the hands
of two people we don't trust.

Yeah, it's nice.

Brazilian hardwoods,

open floor plan,

updated kitchen.

What kind of roadkill
are you cooking in there?

Well, considering the fact
that you actually have to eat

as a human,
I just wanted to give you

a little taste of what
your dinner's gonna look like.

You don't cook,
Elena doesn't cook.

Who has time anyway
with work and kids, right?

Mmm. Salisbury steak.
Dig in, Damon.

You're gonna need
all that energy for these.

Oh, yeah?
What's this?

That's just the rest
of your life.

Paperwork? That's your big move?

Let me ask you something.

When was the last time you filled
out paperwork of any kind...

Taxes, health insurance,
driver's license?

Every idiot
in the country does it.

You think I'm gonna
have trouble with this?

You will the first time
you encounter some moron

that you can't kill or compel.

Maybe. Then I would
just come home

and pop a beer from my beautiful

stainless steel refrigerator.

Which you won't
be able to afford

unless you have a job,

and if you're about
to say you can

borrow money from me, you can't.

Well, that's not
very brotherly of you.

Actually it is. See,
I won't know where you live.

You'll have the cure
running through your veins,

and if I know where you are,

then someone can use me
to track you down

and take the cure from you

and turn you into
a 172-year-old corpse.

What's the matter?
Haven't thought that far ahead?

See, eventually,
word will spread,

and you and Elena
will have to move away.

You'll have to isolate yourself,

no friends, no family.

This will be your life, Damon.

This will be your hell.

Well, that is where
you are wrong, my brother.

This will not be my life.

This will be my life.

See, Elena was pretty explicit
about what she wanted.

Now this isn't Tribeca.

New York's a little
too crowded for me,

but it is above a bar that I own

next to a medical school.

It's in the northwest somewhere.

I mean, I'd tell you
where it was,

but you made it abundantly clear

you didn't want to know.

Heh heh.

I'm gonna check out upstairs.

[Cell phone ringing]

I'm on my third glass,
so speak slowly.

You know how you
and I were both worried

that he didn't
think this through?

He thought it through.

Ha! It's Damon.
He didn't.

He's ready to do this, Elena.

He's got your perfect
little life all planned out.

I want the perfect human life
with him, too, Stefan, trust me,

but life isn't perfect.

Ok? Look. You have
a few more hours,

so push him, make him see that.

[Sighs]

Jo: Hey.

Remember when you were
pacing yourself?

Heh. I do.

Right before I told
my ex-boyfriend

how to get my current boyfriend

to give up hope
for our relationship.

What if I made a huge
mistake by taking the cure?

The only mistake you made

was that last glass
of champagne.

I'm gonna go make some coffee

before you spiral
through the earth to China.

Yeah, ok.

Ooh.

Jo?

Are you ok?

Jo!

Hey, Jo, Jo!

Jo! Jo!

The doctor got
the test results back.

The babies are fine,
you're fine.

He thinks it was just...

An acute panic attack

brought on by stress, pregnancy,

and a severe lack of food.

Yeah.

What are the chances
of you being

an amazing maid of honor
and keeping

this mortifying episode
to yourself?

I don't want to worry Ric.

Of course.

You can't tell her
that I told you.

Ok. Fine, but I want to see her.

- Not till the wedding.
- Elena!

Ric, if there's anywhere that
you should be superstitious,

it's Mystic Falls.

Ok. Fine, but what happened?

The doctors think
that she had a panic attack.

As in she doesn't want to get
married to me panic attack? Great.

No, as in it's her wedding day

and she has two small
humans growing inside her

and she can't self-medicate
like you, bourbon breath.

Sorry. I just... I saw her fall,

and my first instinct
was to vamp to her,

but I couldn't,

and then I saw her hit her head,

and I wanted to give her
vampire blood,

but I couldn't.

Wait. So are you
having second thoughts?

No, because then I thought,

"what would a human do?"

So I called 911,
got her to the hospital,

and then I let
the doctors do their job,

and it felt oddly empowering.

Why didn't you tell me?

Tell you what?

How amazing it feels
to be human again.

At first, I was worried
that it might take

the edge off my senses,
but it's the opposite.

I feel...

Connected to the world again.

I feel...

Alive?

Yeah.

That's because
your life has purpose again.

It's finite,

and it's...

Pretty much the greatest
feeling in the whole world.

I made you guys
some amazing drinks

with a little bit of Tequila.

Ok. A lot of Tequila.

And there's only one of you.

- What did you do?
- I didn't do anything.

He said angrily.

Nothing has changed.

What? Because she walks in here

with a pretty dress
and a new haircut,

I'm supposed to forget
how she acted?

No. You're supposed to
talk to her like an adult

and work out your problems.

You don't know
about our problems.

No, but I know about
your problems...

Unless you're cool
with only making it

two weeks in the police academy

and then having
no purpose in life.

At least when you had her,

you were trying, Tyler.

You're giving me advice
about relationships

after all your Stefan
drama this year?

Do me a favor.
Figure out your own damn life.

Let me worry about mine.

[Cell phone vibrating]

Well, I applaud you
for your effort, Stefan,

but I think it's time

for the "this is your life"
tour to end.

You get the address?

Yep. Tuxes are in the car.

- We're good to go.
- Good.

Oh, hey!
Just one more thing.

Ohh. What now?

You gonna give me
a lecture on laundry,

oil changes, personal hygiene?

- Breakups.
- What about them?

Well, I guess you hadn't really
thought about that, right?

What if you and Elena
aren't really soul mates?

You know I'm not
very big on labels, bro,

but I think we're
pretty good on that front.

Ahh. Yeah. You sound
like me 4 years ago.

You know, Elena and me,
we were soul mates, too.

Watch it, Stefan.

Hey. I'm just being realistic.

I mean, what if
something goes wrong?

You're still human,
still isolated,

still alone.

Not gonna happen.

Right because couples
stay together forever.

They never fight,
they never hurt each other,

they never drift apart.

Heh.

Let me show you.

You're still up.

Rough night?

Just... long.

I keep having to tell myself

a couple more years
of residency,

and I'll be free.

Come sit, have a drink with me.

I'm actually kind of tired.

I'm gonna go to bed.

[Yawns]

Oh, God! Elena has a job.
Somebody, help me!

Oh, that's just two years in.

Wait till you hit 7.

Hello.

You're drunk.

I sense judgment, which is odd.

You're the one
that wanted me to own a bar.

I wanted you to own it, Damon,

not pass out on it every night.

Yeah? Well, that bar's a lot
more affectionate than you.

Elena: Heh!

I just finished
my residency, Damon.

I'm working my but off
to build a career.

Well, I'm drinking
my butt off building mine.

If you're that unhappy,
then just sell the bar.

And do what?

I don't care, Damon.

Whatever it is you want to do.

Well, that's the thing, Elena.

I can't do what I want to do

because what I want to
do is drink all night

without getting drunk,

drive my car like a psycho

without fear of death.

I want to tear
someone's head off

without getting arrested.

You're right, Damon.

You can't do any
of those things anymore.

Because of you.

I can't because of you.

Just say it.

This was a damn mistake.

You're right.

This was a mistake.

[Glass shatters]

Get out of my head!

Unh!

I see what you're doing.

This isn't about me being alone.

This is about you being alone

without me, without Elena.

Awfully selfish of you brother.

Even if you and Elena defy

every single statistic

and stay in love
every hour of every day...

You still can't
control life or death.

She's human.
She could die at any moment.

What is your life
gonna look like

without her?

[Music playing]

[Beep]

[Microwave beeping]

Woman on TV: I just love
to serve watermelon.

It couldn't be any more simple.

I do have my own kind of way
of serving it

that is a little nontraditional,

but as long as no one tells.

So what I'm gonna do
is clean out

the center of that melon,
even though...

[Turns off TV]

So you make us drift apart,

break us up, and then kill her?

That's harsh, brother.

She wanted me to be harsh.

This is her idea, too.

Well, that's funny

because the two people
closest to me

are the two most sadistic.

You know, if you do this,
Damon, you're human forever.

No matter what happens,
there's no going back.

What do you think I should do?

That's the thing.
I can't tell you,

Elena can't tell you.

You can't do this
for me or for her.

You have to want to be
human for yourself.

[Indistinct chatter]

Oh, excuse me. They need
some more drinks over there.

Thank you.

Hey! Where's Jo?
Is she...

She's fine.
They discharged her.

Good. Well, there's
a back entrance she can use

- that avoids being seen.
- Ok. I'll tell her.

Great.

- Stefan.
- Hmm?

I'm gonna go wait for Jo.

Ok.

I'm not used to
scaring people away.

People are uncomfortable
around Salvatores in tuxes.

It stirs...

Feelings.

Uh-oh. Elena's human again.

Am I sensing another
brother swap?

Is he with you?

No. He needed
some time to think.

That sounds very ominous.

You don't want him
to take it, do you?

Well, it's not up to me.

Stefan, I'm not him.

You can tell me
how you really feel.

Look. Of course,
I don't want him to take it.

He's my brother.

The thought of losing him is...

Yeah, I know.

So what do you think
he's gonna do?

Well, you never knew
Damon as a human.

He was aimless,

always searching
for something more,

sweet and earnest to a fault

but never strong.

[Hammering, tools whirring]

[Ball thumps]

That came later

when he found himself,

when he truly became Damon.

He loves being a vampire,

and I just don't think
he'll ever give that up.

She's gonna kill us.

I thought the whole point of this
is that we were in control of her.

Not Lily. Caroline.

The wedding starts in an hour.

All we have to do
is knock her ass out

and drag her to the boiler room.

30 minutes tops.

Bonnie.

Enzo must have let her out.

I have to warn everyone.

[Gasping]

Matt?

Matt, what's wrong?

I can't breathe.

It's like someone's
crushing my throat.

Ok. Just hang on.
I'll...

[Gags]

Matt.

[Coughing]

[Both coughing]

Lily: Tea, please.
Earl Grey.

And to what do
I owe the pleasure?

I heard you tried to
bring me something called

an, uh, mp3 player.

I'm not entirely
sure what that is,

but still, I wanted
to thank you.

And they let you out
of your cell to do this?

Of course not,

but I'm resourceful.

Hmm. Should I be concerned
about an imminent ripper binge?

Actually, no, you shouldn't.

I was a ripper because
I lost my family,

but today,
I'm getting them back.

[Cell phone vibrating]

If you're trying to organize
a secret rendezvous...

Alaric: Don't worry.
I'm not.

I just need help with my vows.

What rhymes
with battlefield clamp?

Divorce?

Heh heh heh.
So how are yours coming?

Stop fishing for spoilers.

You know, this place
is crawling with Gemini.

Who knew there were
so many of you?

Well, there's not
much to do in the coven

other than procreate.

You haven't seen
my dad, have you?

No, actually,
but it's big of you

to invite your attempted
murderer to your wedding.

He gives really good gifts.

Oh, and never say, "big of you,"
to a pregnant woman.

Heh heh.

I hate that I can't
see you right now.

I love that you hate it.

See you soon.

Bye.

Mr. Parker:
Maybe I should just, uh,

leave my gift and go then.

Dad.

- What are you doing back here?
- You're my daughter,

and I, um... ahem...

I don't expect you to say yes,
but...

If I didn't at least ask
to walk you down the aisle,

I couldn't live with myself.

You're avoiding me.

What?! No.
I'm not avoiding you.

I'm trying to organize
this whole circus here.

I mean, did you see
where they put the bar?

Caroline...
Can we talk?

All right.
Just say it.

I'm wrong, I'm making
this about me,

I'm being selfish.

No. Sorry.
Not wanting to lose your brother

is pretty low on
the selfish scale.

Forcing someone to
turn off their humanity

on the other hand, that...

Hmm. Yeah. That's, uh...
That's way up there.

Yeah.

Do you hate me?

No. Of course, I don't hate you.

That doesn't mean that I don't
hate the way you handled things.

Well, that makes two of us.

[Music playing]

I made a list...

Of, um,
all the things that I've done

since I fell for you.

It started last summer
when you moved away.

I started obsessing
over where you were,

wondering why you weren't
returning my calls.

I told you I hated you
when I felt ignored,

missed my mom's final moments
because I was kissing you,

- and then she died...
- Caroline.

And all I needed

was for you to tell
me that you felt

something for me,

and you didn't,

and it affected me
so deeply that

I did the worst possible thing
a vampire can do.

I turned off my humanity,

and when I thought
I couldn't do anything else,

I got you to turn off yours.

Well, I forgive you.

Yeah, but that's
the point, Stefan.

The old Caroline wouldn't
have forgiven me.

She would have
smacked me and said,

"what the hell are you doing?"

I hate the way
that this has made me feel.

That's because you're
a control freak

who's lost control.

I feel the same way
when I'm around you.

That's what falling
for somebody is.

It's being vulnerable.

It's...

Giving up control.

I know...

But where I'm at
right now in my life

with the guilt and the grief,

control is all I have,

and I don't think
that I can give that up.

[Music continues]

[Sighs]

Hi.

Isn't a bridesmaid's
dress supposed to

make you look like
a freak of nature?

Heh.

Jo went easy on me.

I talked to Stefan.

He did not go easy on me.

Apparently, that's your fault.

His argument was
pretty convincing.

I'd made up my mind...

But then...

You ruined my ball!

Well, you're lucky
I didn't ruin your face!

Go inside, get the car
keys from your mommy.

I'm going to a wedding.

On second thought.

Don't forget the...

The leftovers.

I know. You told me 3 times.

40 years, and every time,

"did you remember
the leftovers?"

Like I'm getting
senile or something.

Oh!

Heh heh.

[Both chuckling]

Heh.

I'm taking it.

I've been a vampire
for a long time, Elena.

It's been a blast,

but I would give it up in
a second to be your husband,

your partner,

father of your kids.

You can't take it just for me.

That's what you
and Stefan keep saying,

but you're wrong.

I can.

I can take it for us.

Ok?

Because even if it doesn't work,
even if all goes to hell,

even if I'm miserable and alone,

the smallest chance at
the perfect life with you

is infinitely better than
an immortal one without you,

and I know this, Elena.

I love you...

And I will love you until I take
my last breath on this earth.

[Music playing]

Caroline: Where the hell
are you?

Bonnie and Matt are
already M.I.A.,

and now you and Damon?

What is wrong with you?
This is a wedding.

This is supposed to be
Jo's magical night,

and you are ruining it.

We're starting without you.

[Jo laughing]

- This is not funny.
- It's kind of funny.

Stefan: Uh, hey. Look.
I don't want to tell you

how to run your wedding, but...

We're not waiting anymore!

Tell them to cue the music.

[Music playing in distance]

Um, I think it's starting.

What? No.

What time is it?

Oh, my God. No.
No, no, no. We're so late.

Well, you're the one that couldn't
keep your paws off of me.

Damon, put your tux back on.

I am, I am.
Heh heh heh.

Well, I hope it was worth it.

Actually...

Echh. Gross.
Not the time, ok?

- Have you seen Bonnie or Matt?
- They're not here yet?

Ohh. Just go, go.
Go, go, go.

Ok.

[Music playing]

Ugh. Bonnie.

Bonnie.

Hey.

It was...

[Gasps]

And so?

Looks like I'm joining
the human club.

It's a big night for both of us.

I'm proud of you.

You, too, buddy.

[Music playing]

Reverend: Welcome,
family and friends,

on this magical evening

to the wedding
of Alaric Saltzman

and Josette Laughlin.

Josette and Alaric have
prepared their own vows.

Ahem.

This can't be it.

No one's here.

Perhaps your companions
gave you the wrong address.

They're not the ones
who gave me the address.

Then who did?

Alaric: Neither one of us
should be here right now.

We've spent our lives
dodging fate

and beating the odds,

but because we did,

I got to meet you,

the most beautiful,

hilarious,

and intimidatingly
brilliant woman

I have ever known.

You inspire me.

You've shown me that happiness

is actually something
that I can have in my life.

[Inhales]

And so...

I promise to be with you

and love you

and to dodge fate with you

for the rest of our lives.

Reverend: Josette?

Oh, God.
That's a tough act to follow.

Here goes.

Alaric Saltzman, you are...

[Slice]

Jo? Jo?

Jo? Oh, my God.

Jo? Jo? Jo?!

Oh, God. No!

Aah! Aah!

[Attendees screaming]

No! No, no, no, no.

I was gonna wait
till the "death do us part" bit,

but it seemed
a little on the nose.

[Screaming continues]

Am I right?

[High-pitched sound]

[All screaming]

Miss me?

No?

Oh, well.

[Screaming continues]