The Vampire Diaries (2009–2017): Season 6, Episode 18 - I Could Never Love Like That - full transcript
Damon concocts a risky plan to stop Caroline and Stefan from wreaking havoc.
Previously on "the vampire diaries"...
Caroline: If stefan wants to save sarah's life,
All he has to do is shut his humanity off.
Damon: Stefan without his humanity is one artery away
From stefan the ripper.
Your mother is alive?
Damon: In a prison world of 1903.
And you believe that i can reconnect
Stefan with his humanity?
Pack your bags.
I'll alert the others.
Damon: She has a vampire dollhouse.
-They're not coming. -They are my family.
I will leave you here to rot.
We'll come back for them.
We're never going back there, right?
No, we're not.
You've been a pawn in a game
That i've now lost interest in playing.
You're no ordinary girl, sarah salvatore.
Why would you call me that?
I have something for you.
The cure to vampirism.
I knew you wanted it for elena.
What if i don't want it for her now?
[whoosh]
Ok.
[liquid splashing]
Oh, come on.
Ok. Who's messing with me?
Chris, are you up there?
Dick.
Oh, god.
Chris? Chris?
Stefan: Boo.
Are you booing me?
Stefan: Boo!
I scared him.
I scared you, right,
With the whole chair flippy
And the bottle thing?
Who are you people?
Oh. I'm caroline, this is stefan,
And that--mmm-- was delicious.
Taste.
Mmm.
What's going on?
Well, caroline and i had a little bet
That she would scare you to death.
Like, literally scare you to death.
But you have to understand this is her first time
Messing with somebody, so she didn't realize
The whole dead body shock-drop thing
Is a complete cliche.
Cliche? This guy was my friend.
Well, then why aren't you freaking out,
A panic attack, heart attack?
Come on. Give me something.
I don't think you heard me.
You're having a heart attack.
What are you--
[groans, coughs]
My--my chest. What's happening?
She's cheating.
That's what's happening.
Ugh. Please help me.
All right. Just relax. It's mental.
You only think you're having a heart attack.
Now your throat's tightening.
[gags]
You can't breathe.
Heh heh heh.
Oh, my god!
Are those spiders all over your body?
[groaning]
Hmm. Look at that.
I won.
Poor guy was so scared
That he died of a heart attack.
No. That's not fair.
Technically, he died of a loophole.
A win is a win.
So you know what we do now.
Yes, unfortunately, i do.
Karaoke.
[music playing]
[knock on door]
So you drag me out of a hospital bed,
Waste a tank of gas driving around all night
Just to bring me to a house
In the middle of nowhere?
As soon as this door opens,
You are not my problem anymore.
When have i ever been your problem?
Since your great-great-great uncle stefan
Nearly got you killed.
What?
It's time for you to meet your real family.
Hello?
Are you looking for my son?
My mistake.
I'm sorry. Have--have we--
I've got the wrong house.
Heh. Terribly sorry to disturb you.
What the hell was that?
I've met that woman before in 1903.
What?!
She's the one who turned me into a vampire.
[sniffs]
Do you smell something?
[inhales]
Hmm. Mom's cooking.
Is that bacon?
Yeah, or some baby she abducted
From a nearby village.
Hey. Shh.
She can hear us.
You have to give her a chance
Just like i gave you one.
She's your mother.
No. She is a tool to get stefan's humanity back
Because there is no doubt that he and caroline are
Fangs deep in bodies right now,
So the sooner we get our supernatural born killers
Out of circulation, the better.
Have you seen my t-shirt?
I prefer you without one.
I'm not so sure your mom would feel the same way.
Take mine.
Elena: Wow!
This was always damon's favorite--
"eggie in baskie."
Doesn't taste like i remember.
Well, you were human the last time you tasted it.
Our tastes change over time.
But, elena, you're fairly new at this, aren't you?
I turned a few years ago.
You ever miss it, being human?
Sometimes.
So if i understood correctly,
Um, in order to free my companions
From that place where i was trapped,
We'll need the magical device.
The ascendant.
Yes. The ascendant. Where is that?
Safe. Very safe.
And we'll also need a celestial event.
We'll have to do some digging, yeah.
Be patient. They take time.
They're very rare.
There's a full moon coming up. Will that work?
If not, the lyrids meteor shower is in two weeks.
Well, look at you.
If you're not a one-woman "farmer's almanac."
Actually, i took your advice,
And i've been dabbling on stefan's computer.
What a wondrous invention-- all that knowledge.
And videos of cats riding robot vacuum cleaners.
[cell phone chimes]
[gasps]
Everything ok?
It's jo. Someone's been attacking people at whitmore.
Let me guess-- one of them's blond,
And the other one liked turning people
Into human pez dispensers.
That's exactly what i'm gonna go find out.
Thank you so much for breakfast.
Sarah: Who is that woman,
And how do you even know who my family is?
How do i not know this?
Because your uncle stefan compelled you
To forget to keep you a secret
From your other uncle-- damon--
After he killed your parents,
And you would have shared their fate
Had it not been for your other uncle.
That's who you were taking me to?
Well, actually, no.
The good brother recently went bad,
And i was hoping to leave you in the care
Of the bad brother, who actually is
Less bad now than the good brother.
I don't understand any of this.
Yeah. Look. I can try repeating it, luv,
But it won't be any clearer the second time.
Look. You wanted to know who that woman is?
She's the most dreadful person i've ever met.
Unh! No sick passengers!
I have a ticket.
I've paid.
Oh, yeah? Well, we're not
Running a sick ward.
[coughing]
There's a doctor on that ship.
He can help me.
Get lost, mate,
Before you infect us all
With your consumption.
[coughing]
[bones crack]
[gasps]
Who are you?
Someone who sees you need a doctor.
Well, i--i appreciate that,
But even if i could get past quarantine,
I seem to have lost my ticket.
I can be of some help with that.
Come. We don't have much time.
Enzo, voice-over: I thought i was on my way to a new life,
Aided by the classiest woman i'd ever met.
By the time the ship docked in new york harbor,
Every soul on board was dead,
Including me.
You're going to forget everything you know
About your real family.
You're going to wake up safe in your dorm,
Having forgotten you ever heard the name salvatore.
Or you're finally gonna tell me the whole story.
You're on vervain.
Yeah.
Your friend matt stopped by the hospital,
Gave me some.
Unh.
["hit me with your best shot" playing]
Caroline: ♪ well, you're a real tough cookie ♪
♪ with a long history ♪
♪ of breaking little hearts like the one in me ♪
♪ that's ok, let's see how you do it ♪
♪ put up your dukes, and let's get down to it ♪
♪ hit me with your best shot ♪
♪ why don't you hit me with your best shot? ♪
♪ hit me with your best shot ♪
Hey, taylor swift.
We're trying to study here.
Where's the manager in this place?
Someone ask for a manager?
I didn't break his ribs.
He got the wind knocked out of him.
Guy was out for 20 seconds.
Maybe he's not cut out for a tactical training program.
We're not there to bust up keggers.
You want some food?
"you want some food, officer lockwood?"
Dork.
Caroline: ♪ hit me with your best shot ♪
♪ why don't you hit me with your best shot? ♪
♪ come on, hit me with your best shot ♪
♪ fire away-ay ♪
What did we just walk into?
Oh, look. It's the police officers
In training.
Are you guys here to arrest us?
You can go away now.
What the hell are you doing?
I'm just enjoying the music.
You guys want next song?
We should get out of here.
No. Stay.
Caroline's taking requests.
[music playing]
Here. Text elena.
Tell her we're headed to campus to check it out.
See those letters?
Think of it as a tiny typewriter.
Oh. You're right.
Mm-hmm.
"my dearest elena, i hope this finds you well."
No, no. Short and sweet.
Just "headed to campus."
Yeah. Then when we find them,
I'll take care of caroline,
You look stefan right in the eyes.
And i will return him to the man he used to be.
Exactly.
And once we've done that,
Then we will go rescue my friends?
Sure.
I know how terribly concerned
You are about that.
How shall i end it, with an "i love you"?
Knock yourself out.
You do love her, don't you?
Not that it's any of your business,
But, yes, i do, and she loves me.
We're in the love.
And you're afraid you'll ruin all that
If you give her the cure.
Last night when your friend bonnie was over...
You spied on me?
Well, i didn't mean to eavesdrop.
I'm just not used to hearing other voices. I...
Really?
Couldn't help but listen,
And it's not every day that one hears
Something so rare as the cure for vampirism.
Well, let's not bring this up to anyone else, ok?
You mean, don't bring it up with elena.
I don't even know if she wants the cure.
Yet you fear she might
And that if you give it to her you'll lose her.
We're more alike than you care to admit, damon.
Neither of us can bear the thought of being alone.
He's unconscious,
But i gave him some of my blood,
And his vitals have stabilized.
The more these victims pile up,
The harder it is to hide the reason they're here.
Yeah, i know. That's why i'm hoping
That damon and his mom find them soon.
I'm sorry. Did you just say damon's mom?
Isn't she dead?
No. She was trapped in a 1903 prison world,
Where kai is currently trapped.
Kai is in a 1903 prison world?
I'm sorry. Has nobody told you this?
I'm on hour 13 of a 12-hour shift.
Maybe someone could have shot me a text.
I--sorry.
So kai's gone?
As in for good.
Oh, that's amazing news.
Like, really amazing news.
You're pregnant.
I was wondering why you switched to decaf,
Especially while working a 13-hour shift.
The last thing this baby needs is an uncle psychopath.
You and alaric having a baby.
I...
Jo, this is-- this is amazing.
I--i'm so happy for you.
[music playing]
Little old you did all this?
You've made a mistake.
I know, starting with trusting
My vampire stalker, who arranged for me
To befriend some blue-eyed bartender,
All so i could witness him getting run over,
And you playing the part of the hero.
While you were sleeping, i went through your phone,
Saw your texts to matt.
Well, that saves me an awkward conversation.
I'm an idiot for ever trusting you.
Don't beat yourself up.
I remember what it was like to be so naive.
The bacilli have spread to most of your lungs,
Carving out cavities in the tissue.
The bleeding will continue.
You can stop it?
I believe so, but the dosage required
At this late stage is expensive.
Payment isn't an issue,
Provided your curative is effective.
I assure you it is.
How many people have you saved with this?
Be truthful.
None. I promise them health
And sell them lavender mixed with castor oil.
What?
Why are you saying that?
I thought you could help me.
He lied.
What is this man's true prognosis?
He'll die within the week.
Chances are, he'll never see land again.
Leave us.
You should go, as well.
I do not wish to repay your acts of kindness
By affecting you.
You can't.
I've already had consumption.
How did you survive?
I didn't.
What are you, an angel?
[music playing]
Caroline: Ha ha ha!
Look. We listened to you sing,
We clapped our hands.
Can we go now?
Let's play caroline trivia.
I don't even know what that is.
Oh, sure you do!
You both dated me,
Which means you should know everything about me,
So i'm gonna ask you some questions about myself,
And whoever answers them right lives.
You're sick.
When is my birthday?
Tyler!
October 10.
Very good.
All right, matt. Your turn.
What is my favorite color?
That's a trick question.
You don't have a favorite color.
Correct!
Ha ha ha!
Ok. Now a tie breaker.
Whoever answers first wins.
What was my mom's final memory before she died?
How would we even begin to know that?
Oh, i'm sure i mentioned it at some point.
No, you didn't.
Come on. Ticktock, ticktock.
Judges are waiting for a final answer.
What was my mom's final memory
Before she kicked the bucket?
Stefan: Well, looks like,
Uh, whitmore's gonna need a new philosophy t.A.
Hmm. Your mom was teaching you how to ride a bike.
Bingo!
And stefan wins,
Which means you two lose,
Which isn't that bad actually
Because now it just means we get to kill the both of you.
Judging from the victims,
They started at the library,
They took out a couple security guards
Near the football field,
And then they wandered over to the movie theater.
You know what the most shocking part of all this is?
That i'm not shocked.
Doctor 101--
Becoming desensitized goes with the territory.
Actually, the reason why i'm not shocked is because
I've been in their shoes,
And i was just as bad,
And this is all just one big horrible reminder
That there's always gonna be a part of me
That's capable of doing what they're doing.
But you're not gonna let that happen.
You're gonna be too busy running
Your small-town family practice
And curing little stevie
From the chicken pox.
For a while maybe
Until little stevie becomes teenage steven
And i haven't aged a day.
Have you told damon about this?
What do you mean?
I saw how you reacted when you found out i was pregnant.
Well, i--
And the next eternity of your life flashed before your eyes,
And it scared the hell out of you.
I--i'm just happy for you and alaric.
Alaric, who used to be a vampire,
Now is a human having a kid.
Have you discussed this with your boyfriend?
He knows how i feel,
But he also knows that there's nothing
We can do to change that,
So there's no point in dwelling.
Ok.
So how do i know you're not the one
Who's been mind-controlling me,
Making me believe this messed up family history.
You were ripped from the womb of a dead woman.
Stefan compelled away the truth,
But the emotional scars still linger.
How else do you explain your morbid fascinations, hmm?
The--the hanging of mary surratt--heh--
Is hardly a motivational poster, now is it?
Yeah. Well, there's something about death
That i find-- i don't know--
Alluring?
Well, let me tell you,
You can't truly appreciate death
Until you've stood at its precipice.
[humming brahms' "lullaby"]
I haven't heard that song since i was a boy.
I know.
Why are you doing this?
Is it so hard to believe someone could do you a kindness?
I was abandoned at a workhouse at the age of 4.
It's not a place known
For its kindness.
[coughs]
I, too, know what it is to be tossed aside
Like rubbish.
I was sent to a sanatorium to rot,
Left to die,
Abandoned by my own husband,
Who prayed the end would come quickly not
So that i would be spared pain and misery
But so that he would be unburdened by me,
But i was given a reprieve,
And it was only once i was unshackled
From a life that didn't want me
That i found my true family.
Is that where you're heading, to meet them?
No. I could never bear to be apart from them.
They're here, traveling with me.
Like you and i, they're outcasts.
You could join us.
You'd never be alone again.
[coughing]
It would appear the end is coming.
Or the beginning.
Drink this, lorenzo.
If your brother's on the hunt,
He won't be staying in one place.
Yeah? Well, we have to start somewhere.
Elena said she treated some kid who was attacked
Coming out of modern european history.
Well, well.
Mother knows best.
Elena said they're at scull bar.
Come on.
We have yet to discuss what we'll do
If stefan fails to remember me.
What, are you kidding? You're his mother.
Of course, he's gonna remember you.
Tell me you can do this.
What if i say the wrong thing?
A century and a half is a long time to be away.
You'll be fine.
Just channel whatever you were feeling
When you came back to get us.
When i came back to get you?
Yeah. 1903.
You found out we were vampires,
You landed in new york harbor
After a 40-year romp in europe,
And you...
Oh.
You weren't coming to get us.
No. I wasn't.
I'm sorry.
You can do this.
All we have to do is just try.
I have been trying, damon.
Since i laid my eyes on you yesterday,
I have been trying with all of my heart
To reconnect with the woman who was your mother,
To remember what it felt like to mourn
You and your brother after i was banished by your father.
After i was turned,
The only thing more powerful
Than the longing i felt for you
Was the fear of what i would i do
If i ever saw you again.
So i stayed away.
I had to find others
Who could help me find my way back to myself,
And...By the time my new family
Helped me to do that,
Everything i felt for my old family,
For you and your brother
Was gone.
I hate that i can't make myself feel more.
I'm so sorry.
Heads i kill tyler, and tails i kill matt. Deal?
Sounds good to me.
Stefan: Ooh! Looks like somebody's angry.
He's a wolf. It's his resting face.
You wonder why everyone hates vampires?
Look at you, messing with people for no reason.
That's really brave.
What are you doing?
Are you serious?
What's wrong, stefan?
Not used to people fighting back?
No. Actually, i'm just not used to people being
This stupid.
Matt: All right, ty, stop.
Stefan, he's sorry.
Ty, stop. He will kill you.
Ha ha! See that little vein in his forehead?
I used to think it was so sexy,
But now i'm pretty sure it's just all the blood leaving his brain.
Screw you, caroline.
Come on.
Either of you, come at me.
Ty, stop!
Stefan: Hey, caroline. I will gladly
Kill him for you,
But i know what a jerk he was during your relationship,
So if you want--
I want.
Come on, tyler.
I dare you.
Matt: Ty, stop. She will kill you.
Get out of here, matt.
Nice going, tyler.
She flat out told you that she didn't love you?
Well, she was her overly proper self,
But, yeah, that was the gist of it,
But, hey, you know, i'm not planning
On honoring my end of the plan
By jail-breaking her friends,
So--tch--figure we're even.
Damon.
Nah. It's fine.
150 years is a long time to care.
Says the guy who pined for katherine pierce
For over a century and a half.
Heh.
It's ok to feel hurt, damon.
Lily was the second woman to abandon you.
Says the woman who never has.
Look. You can sit here and flirt with me,
Or you can help me come up with a plan "b"
Because lily's a no-go.
Stefan doesn't know how she feels.
Stefan's also not a moron.
Any chance your mom's a good liar?
Where the hell are you going?
Anywhere. I don't know.
Just let me be.
No. Now you listen.
Hey! I have one solution to this, and it's you,
So you're gonna walk over to that bar,
And you're gonna give the performance of your lifetime,
Or you can kiss your desiccated vampire family good-bye.
Understood?
And what if i fail to bring him back?
You won't fail.
I need to be assured that regardless
Of the outcome with your brother today
I can trust you to help me get my people back.
I told you a hundred times we'll get them back.
And is that the truth?
Why would i lie?
Damon.
You have the power to give your greatest love
The human life she desires,
And you are yet to be truthful with her.
Showtime.
So some good samaritan vampire saves you from dying,
Gives you superstrength, mind control,
And you never grow old.
Sounds like a pretty good deal to me.
Yeah. That's because you don't know about the hunger.
I was awakened by the deafening sound of waves
Lapping against the ship,
Blinded by the faint glow of the northern lights.
Every one of my senses intensified
To the point of pain
But none more than the insatiable craving for blood.
What happened here?
The woman who helped you,
She killed them all.
Everyone's dead.
Where is she?
I don't know.
She told me to come find you.
She wants you to feed on me
To complete your transition.
After feeding on the charlatan,
I searched all over that ship for that woman,
But she was gone.
Her promises of a new life and a new family
Were lies.
She made me a monster
And then abandoned me.
For what reason?
Who knows? Probably some sick game.
Like the one you were playing with me.
Exactly.
The goal was the same.
I wanted to do to you what had been done to me.
To make you a monster.
I'm sorry, matt. Come on.
You can't die on me, man.
Caroline: So for those of us keeping score,
If matt dies, are you gonna start peeing
On fire hydrants again?
Ooh. That's a very good question.
I mean, if all that rage made you think
That you could take us both,
Maybe this is nature's way of reconnecting you
With your true self.
Shut up!
Who's that?
It's my mother.
Come on.
Get him out of here.
Here. Take my car.
Tyler: Come here, man.
[matt groans]
So...You have a mother?
I had a mom.
She died, so whoever this is
Is damon's lame attempt to get my humanity back on.
Let me guess. Then you get my humanity back on.
I don't think so.
Unh!
Sorry, stefan, but thanks for the head start.
[groaning]
Elena! We need help!
Oh, my god! Matt!
It's ok. You'll be fine.
No.
Matt, take the damn blood.
I said i don't want it. I want a doctor.
-But-- -where's jo? Hey!
-Matt! -Help!
What just happened?
Here. Let me help you.
Ugh!
I'm sure you have many questions.
Well, the fact that you haven't aged a day
Answers the big one.
I'm a ripper.
All of the guilt you've carried
For your lack of control,
It's my fault, not yours.
You get it from me.
That's why i had to leave.
I was so new to the bloodlust,
I was afraid i would hurt you and your brother.
The last time i saw you
Was the day of my funeral.
You weren't imagining it.
I was your angel.
Damon, voice-over: Then tell him
That you wish you could have seen him grow up.
If only i'd been there
To see you grow into a young man,
To protect you from your father's temper,
But i was so ashamed of the things that i'd done,
Of what i'd become,
And by the time i got my appetite under control
And was coming back for you and your brother,
I was hunted down and banished to a prison world
By the gemini.
The one thing that helped you get through
Being trapped in that awful place...
Was the hope of seeing my sons again.
I know there are no words
That make up for me abandoning you,
But we have all of eternity for me to try.
"your angel has returned to you."
Lily: Your angel has returned to you,
And i will never leave you again.
Mother.
My sweet, sweet boy.
How'd you find her?
On the list of things to be worrying about,
She's not one of them.
You get a night, stefan,
A night to beat yourself up,
Do your shame spiral,
And then you have to go after caroline.
I don't need a night.
I'll find her.
You refusing the pain meds, too?
No.
Then why are you refusing my blood?
Do you know how many times i've died
Or nearly died?
Most of those times were at the hands
Of people i thought were my friends.
I'm sorry,
Not people-- vampires.
-Matt -don't give me
The "we're not all like that" speech, elena,
Because you are.
Just one flip of a switch away.
That's not what i was gonna say.
I actually think you have every right to be mad...
But why won't you let me make it better?
I can't say that i hate vampires
And then use them when it's to my advantage.
I can't have it both ways, elena.
That's just how it is to me.
Good. Now that the vervain's out of your system,
How does southampton sound?
Well, i may as well compel you a nice place to disappear to.
Or you could give me the choice you never had.
Look. You said it yourself.
You do this, you're only making it worse.
Ah, but you'll be safe.
What if i swore never to seek out the salvatores?
From what you've told me,
I don't want any part of my real family.
Have a nice life, sarah nelson.
Well, matt lives to hate vampires another day,
Stefan's on caroline duty,
And i just introduced mom to uber.
Taking bets on which one goes south first.
I want to throw jo a baby shower.
Whoa.
Forgot to hit your turn signal for that segue.
Jo's pregnancy's the best news
That we've had in a little while,
And i feel like i didn't react in the way that i should have.
Why not?
Because i think i was--i don't know.
Jealous?
Yeah. A little.
I mean, i've always wanted a family
Before, you know.
So it's kind of a bummer of a reminder
That that's never gonna happen for me.
[music playing]
But i get to have a life with you,
Which is also what i've always wanted,
So it'll be good, ok?
I just had to let myself be sad for a minute.
What if things could be different?
What if you could change everything.
They're not, and i can't.
Nothing's changed.
I love you.
I love you, too.
[cell phone chimes]
This better be important.
[sighs]
So i called my dad to let him know that kai's gone,
But all he wants to know
Is where the ascendant is.
We have to destroy it.
-Why? -Before you answer that,
I should probably skip to the part
Where i already gave it to lily.
What?! You promised bonnie that--
Jo: It doesn't matter.
You need to get it back now.
Tell me.
Jo: Before the 1900s,
Your mother fell in with a group of witches
That were cast out of the gemini coven.
They were known as heretics, siphoners like kai,
But not just that.
Lily turned them,
Resulting in creatures that are both witch and vampire.
But that's not possible.
Vampires can't be witches.
These are witches that have magic
Only when they siphon power from another source.
As vampires...
They have a constant source.
They can siphon off of themselves.
They were on their way to destroy the gemini,
But the coven got to them first,
Put them into exile.
Heretics are ruthless--
Vampires with witch power,
An aberration of nature.
They can never be allowed to escape.
Imagine kai with the bloodlust of a vampire.
[wood splintering]
Now imagine 6 of them.
Caroline: If stefan wants to save sarah's life,
All he has to do is shut his humanity off.
Damon: Stefan without his humanity is one artery away
From stefan the ripper.
Your mother is alive?
Damon: In a prison world of 1903.
And you believe that i can reconnect
Stefan with his humanity?
Pack your bags.
I'll alert the others.
Damon: She has a vampire dollhouse.
-They're not coming. -They are my family.
I will leave you here to rot.
We'll come back for them.
We're never going back there, right?
No, we're not.
You've been a pawn in a game
That i've now lost interest in playing.
You're no ordinary girl, sarah salvatore.
Why would you call me that?
I have something for you.
The cure to vampirism.
I knew you wanted it for elena.
What if i don't want it for her now?
[whoosh]
Ok.
[liquid splashing]
Oh, come on.
Ok. Who's messing with me?
Chris, are you up there?
Dick.
Oh, god.
Chris? Chris?
Stefan: Boo.
Are you booing me?
Stefan: Boo!
I scared him.
I scared you, right,
With the whole chair flippy
And the bottle thing?
Who are you people?
Oh. I'm caroline, this is stefan,
And that--mmm-- was delicious.
Taste.
Mmm.
What's going on?
Well, caroline and i had a little bet
That she would scare you to death.
Like, literally scare you to death.
But you have to understand this is her first time
Messing with somebody, so she didn't realize
The whole dead body shock-drop thing
Is a complete cliche.
Cliche? This guy was my friend.
Well, then why aren't you freaking out,
A panic attack, heart attack?
Come on. Give me something.
I don't think you heard me.
You're having a heart attack.
What are you--
[groans, coughs]
My--my chest. What's happening?
She's cheating.
That's what's happening.
Ugh. Please help me.
All right. Just relax. It's mental.
You only think you're having a heart attack.
Now your throat's tightening.
[gags]
You can't breathe.
Heh heh heh.
Oh, my god!
Are those spiders all over your body?
[groaning]
Hmm. Look at that.
I won.
Poor guy was so scared
That he died of a heart attack.
No. That's not fair.
Technically, he died of a loophole.
A win is a win.
So you know what we do now.
Yes, unfortunately, i do.
Karaoke.
[music playing]
[knock on door]
So you drag me out of a hospital bed,
Waste a tank of gas driving around all night
Just to bring me to a house
In the middle of nowhere?
As soon as this door opens,
You are not my problem anymore.
When have i ever been your problem?
Since your great-great-great uncle stefan
Nearly got you killed.
What?
It's time for you to meet your real family.
Hello?
Are you looking for my son?
My mistake.
I'm sorry. Have--have we--
I've got the wrong house.
Heh. Terribly sorry to disturb you.
What the hell was that?
I've met that woman before in 1903.
What?!
She's the one who turned me into a vampire.
[sniffs]
Do you smell something?
[inhales]
Hmm. Mom's cooking.
Is that bacon?
Yeah, or some baby she abducted
From a nearby village.
Hey. Shh.
She can hear us.
You have to give her a chance
Just like i gave you one.
She's your mother.
No. She is a tool to get stefan's humanity back
Because there is no doubt that he and caroline are
Fangs deep in bodies right now,
So the sooner we get our supernatural born killers
Out of circulation, the better.
Have you seen my t-shirt?
I prefer you without one.
I'm not so sure your mom would feel the same way.
Take mine.
Elena: Wow!
This was always damon's favorite--
"eggie in baskie."
Doesn't taste like i remember.
Well, you were human the last time you tasted it.
Our tastes change over time.
But, elena, you're fairly new at this, aren't you?
I turned a few years ago.
You ever miss it, being human?
Sometimes.
So if i understood correctly,
Um, in order to free my companions
From that place where i was trapped,
We'll need the magical device.
The ascendant.
Yes. The ascendant. Where is that?
Safe. Very safe.
And we'll also need a celestial event.
We'll have to do some digging, yeah.
Be patient. They take time.
They're very rare.
There's a full moon coming up. Will that work?
If not, the lyrids meteor shower is in two weeks.
Well, look at you.
If you're not a one-woman "farmer's almanac."
Actually, i took your advice,
And i've been dabbling on stefan's computer.
What a wondrous invention-- all that knowledge.
And videos of cats riding robot vacuum cleaners.
[cell phone chimes]
[gasps]
Everything ok?
It's jo. Someone's been attacking people at whitmore.
Let me guess-- one of them's blond,
And the other one liked turning people
Into human pez dispensers.
That's exactly what i'm gonna go find out.
Thank you so much for breakfast.
Sarah: Who is that woman,
And how do you even know who my family is?
How do i not know this?
Because your uncle stefan compelled you
To forget to keep you a secret
From your other uncle-- damon--
After he killed your parents,
And you would have shared their fate
Had it not been for your other uncle.
That's who you were taking me to?
Well, actually, no.
The good brother recently went bad,
And i was hoping to leave you in the care
Of the bad brother, who actually is
Less bad now than the good brother.
I don't understand any of this.
Yeah. Look. I can try repeating it, luv,
But it won't be any clearer the second time.
Look. You wanted to know who that woman is?
She's the most dreadful person i've ever met.
Unh! No sick passengers!
I have a ticket.
I've paid.
Oh, yeah? Well, we're not
Running a sick ward.
[coughing]
There's a doctor on that ship.
He can help me.
Get lost, mate,
Before you infect us all
With your consumption.
[coughing]
[bones crack]
[gasps]
Who are you?
Someone who sees you need a doctor.
Well, i--i appreciate that,
But even if i could get past quarantine,
I seem to have lost my ticket.
I can be of some help with that.
Come. We don't have much time.
Enzo, voice-over: I thought i was on my way to a new life,
Aided by the classiest woman i'd ever met.
By the time the ship docked in new york harbor,
Every soul on board was dead,
Including me.
You're going to forget everything you know
About your real family.
You're going to wake up safe in your dorm,
Having forgotten you ever heard the name salvatore.
Or you're finally gonna tell me the whole story.
You're on vervain.
Yeah.
Your friend matt stopped by the hospital,
Gave me some.
Unh.
["hit me with your best shot" playing]
Caroline: ♪ well, you're a real tough cookie ♪
♪ with a long history ♪
♪ of breaking little hearts like the one in me ♪
♪ that's ok, let's see how you do it ♪
♪ put up your dukes, and let's get down to it ♪
♪ hit me with your best shot ♪
♪ why don't you hit me with your best shot? ♪
♪ hit me with your best shot ♪
Hey, taylor swift.
We're trying to study here.
Where's the manager in this place?
Someone ask for a manager?
I didn't break his ribs.
He got the wind knocked out of him.
Guy was out for 20 seconds.
Maybe he's not cut out for a tactical training program.
We're not there to bust up keggers.
You want some food?
"you want some food, officer lockwood?"
Dork.
Caroline: ♪ hit me with your best shot ♪
♪ why don't you hit me with your best shot? ♪
♪ come on, hit me with your best shot ♪
♪ fire away-ay ♪
What did we just walk into?
Oh, look. It's the police officers
In training.
Are you guys here to arrest us?
You can go away now.
What the hell are you doing?
I'm just enjoying the music.
You guys want next song?
We should get out of here.
No. Stay.
Caroline's taking requests.
[music playing]
Here. Text elena.
Tell her we're headed to campus to check it out.
See those letters?
Think of it as a tiny typewriter.
Oh. You're right.
Mm-hmm.
"my dearest elena, i hope this finds you well."
No, no. Short and sweet.
Just "headed to campus."
Yeah. Then when we find them,
I'll take care of caroline,
You look stefan right in the eyes.
And i will return him to the man he used to be.
Exactly.
And once we've done that,
Then we will go rescue my friends?
Sure.
I know how terribly concerned
You are about that.
How shall i end it, with an "i love you"?
Knock yourself out.
You do love her, don't you?
Not that it's any of your business,
But, yes, i do, and she loves me.
We're in the love.
And you're afraid you'll ruin all that
If you give her the cure.
Last night when your friend bonnie was over...
You spied on me?
Well, i didn't mean to eavesdrop.
I'm just not used to hearing other voices. I...
Really?
Couldn't help but listen,
And it's not every day that one hears
Something so rare as the cure for vampirism.
Well, let's not bring this up to anyone else, ok?
You mean, don't bring it up with elena.
I don't even know if she wants the cure.
Yet you fear she might
And that if you give it to her you'll lose her.
We're more alike than you care to admit, damon.
Neither of us can bear the thought of being alone.
He's unconscious,
But i gave him some of my blood,
And his vitals have stabilized.
The more these victims pile up,
The harder it is to hide the reason they're here.
Yeah, i know. That's why i'm hoping
That damon and his mom find them soon.
I'm sorry. Did you just say damon's mom?
Isn't she dead?
No. She was trapped in a 1903 prison world,
Where kai is currently trapped.
Kai is in a 1903 prison world?
I'm sorry. Has nobody told you this?
I'm on hour 13 of a 12-hour shift.
Maybe someone could have shot me a text.
I--sorry.
So kai's gone?
As in for good.
Oh, that's amazing news.
Like, really amazing news.
You're pregnant.
I was wondering why you switched to decaf,
Especially while working a 13-hour shift.
The last thing this baby needs is an uncle psychopath.
You and alaric having a baby.
I...
Jo, this is-- this is amazing.
I--i'm so happy for you.
[music playing]
Little old you did all this?
You've made a mistake.
I know, starting with trusting
My vampire stalker, who arranged for me
To befriend some blue-eyed bartender,
All so i could witness him getting run over,
And you playing the part of the hero.
While you were sleeping, i went through your phone,
Saw your texts to matt.
Well, that saves me an awkward conversation.
I'm an idiot for ever trusting you.
Don't beat yourself up.
I remember what it was like to be so naive.
The bacilli have spread to most of your lungs,
Carving out cavities in the tissue.
The bleeding will continue.
You can stop it?
I believe so, but the dosage required
At this late stage is expensive.
Payment isn't an issue,
Provided your curative is effective.
I assure you it is.
How many people have you saved with this?
Be truthful.
None. I promise them health
And sell them lavender mixed with castor oil.
What?
Why are you saying that?
I thought you could help me.
He lied.
What is this man's true prognosis?
He'll die within the week.
Chances are, he'll never see land again.
Leave us.
You should go, as well.
I do not wish to repay your acts of kindness
By affecting you.
You can't.
I've already had consumption.
How did you survive?
I didn't.
What are you, an angel?
[music playing]
Caroline: Ha ha ha!
Look. We listened to you sing,
We clapped our hands.
Can we go now?
Let's play caroline trivia.
I don't even know what that is.
Oh, sure you do!
You both dated me,
Which means you should know everything about me,
So i'm gonna ask you some questions about myself,
And whoever answers them right lives.
You're sick.
When is my birthday?
Tyler!
October 10.
Very good.
All right, matt. Your turn.
What is my favorite color?
That's a trick question.
You don't have a favorite color.
Correct!
Ha ha ha!
Ok. Now a tie breaker.
Whoever answers first wins.
What was my mom's final memory before she died?
How would we even begin to know that?
Oh, i'm sure i mentioned it at some point.
No, you didn't.
Come on. Ticktock, ticktock.
Judges are waiting for a final answer.
What was my mom's final memory
Before she kicked the bucket?
Stefan: Well, looks like,
Uh, whitmore's gonna need a new philosophy t.A.
Hmm. Your mom was teaching you how to ride a bike.
Bingo!
And stefan wins,
Which means you two lose,
Which isn't that bad actually
Because now it just means we get to kill the both of you.
Judging from the victims,
They started at the library,
They took out a couple security guards
Near the football field,
And then they wandered over to the movie theater.
You know what the most shocking part of all this is?
That i'm not shocked.
Doctor 101--
Becoming desensitized goes with the territory.
Actually, the reason why i'm not shocked is because
I've been in their shoes,
And i was just as bad,
And this is all just one big horrible reminder
That there's always gonna be a part of me
That's capable of doing what they're doing.
But you're not gonna let that happen.
You're gonna be too busy running
Your small-town family practice
And curing little stevie
From the chicken pox.
For a while maybe
Until little stevie becomes teenage steven
And i haven't aged a day.
Have you told damon about this?
What do you mean?
I saw how you reacted when you found out i was pregnant.
Well, i--
And the next eternity of your life flashed before your eyes,
And it scared the hell out of you.
I--i'm just happy for you and alaric.
Alaric, who used to be a vampire,
Now is a human having a kid.
Have you discussed this with your boyfriend?
He knows how i feel,
But he also knows that there's nothing
We can do to change that,
So there's no point in dwelling.
Ok.
So how do i know you're not the one
Who's been mind-controlling me,
Making me believe this messed up family history.
You were ripped from the womb of a dead woman.
Stefan compelled away the truth,
But the emotional scars still linger.
How else do you explain your morbid fascinations, hmm?
The--the hanging of mary surratt--heh--
Is hardly a motivational poster, now is it?
Yeah. Well, there's something about death
That i find-- i don't know--
Alluring?
Well, let me tell you,
You can't truly appreciate death
Until you've stood at its precipice.
[humming brahms' "lullaby"]
I haven't heard that song since i was a boy.
I know.
Why are you doing this?
Is it so hard to believe someone could do you a kindness?
I was abandoned at a workhouse at the age of 4.
It's not a place known
For its kindness.
[coughs]
I, too, know what it is to be tossed aside
Like rubbish.
I was sent to a sanatorium to rot,
Left to die,
Abandoned by my own husband,
Who prayed the end would come quickly not
So that i would be spared pain and misery
But so that he would be unburdened by me,
But i was given a reprieve,
And it was only once i was unshackled
From a life that didn't want me
That i found my true family.
Is that where you're heading, to meet them?
No. I could never bear to be apart from them.
They're here, traveling with me.
Like you and i, they're outcasts.
You could join us.
You'd never be alone again.
[coughing]
It would appear the end is coming.
Or the beginning.
Drink this, lorenzo.
If your brother's on the hunt,
He won't be staying in one place.
Yeah? Well, we have to start somewhere.
Elena said she treated some kid who was attacked
Coming out of modern european history.
Well, well.
Mother knows best.
Elena said they're at scull bar.
Come on.
We have yet to discuss what we'll do
If stefan fails to remember me.
What, are you kidding? You're his mother.
Of course, he's gonna remember you.
Tell me you can do this.
What if i say the wrong thing?
A century and a half is a long time to be away.
You'll be fine.
Just channel whatever you were feeling
When you came back to get us.
When i came back to get you?
Yeah. 1903.
You found out we were vampires,
You landed in new york harbor
After a 40-year romp in europe,
And you...
Oh.
You weren't coming to get us.
No. I wasn't.
I'm sorry.
You can do this.
All we have to do is just try.
I have been trying, damon.
Since i laid my eyes on you yesterday,
I have been trying with all of my heart
To reconnect with the woman who was your mother,
To remember what it felt like to mourn
You and your brother after i was banished by your father.
After i was turned,
The only thing more powerful
Than the longing i felt for you
Was the fear of what i would i do
If i ever saw you again.
So i stayed away.
I had to find others
Who could help me find my way back to myself,
And...By the time my new family
Helped me to do that,
Everything i felt for my old family,
For you and your brother
Was gone.
I hate that i can't make myself feel more.
I'm so sorry.
Heads i kill tyler, and tails i kill matt. Deal?
Sounds good to me.
Stefan: Ooh! Looks like somebody's angry.
He's a wolf. It's his resting face.
You wonder why everyone hates vampires?
Look at you, messing with people for no reason.
That's really brave.
What are you doing?
Are you serious?
What's wrong, stefan?
Not used to people fighting back?
No. Actually, i'm just not used to people being
This stupid.
Matt: All right, ty, stop.
Stefan, he's sorry.
Ty, stop. He will kill you.
Ha ha! See that little vein in his forehead?
I used to think it was so sexy,
But now i'm pretty sure it's just all the blood leaving his brain.
Screw you, caroline.
Come on.
Either of you, come at me.
Ty, stop!
Stefan: Hey, caroline. I will gladly
Kill him for you,
But i know what a jerk he was during your relationship,
So if you want--
I want.
Come on, tyler.
I dare you.
Matt: Ty, stop. She will kill you.
Get out of here, matt.
Nice going, tyler.
She flat out told you that she didn't love you?
Well, she was her overly proper self,
But, yeah, that was the gist of it,
But, hey, you know, i'm not planning
On honoring my end of the plan
By jail-breaking her friends,
So--tch--figure we're even.
Damon.
Nah. It's fine.
150 years is a long time to care.
Says the guy who pined for katherine pierce
For over a century and a half.
Heh.
It's ok to feel hurt, damon.
Lily was the second woman to abandon you.
Says the woman who never has.
Look. You can sit here and flirt with me,
Or you can help me come up with a plan "b"
Because lily's a no-go.
Stefan doesn't know how she feels.
Stefan's also not a moron.
Any chance your mom's a good liar?
Where the hell are you going?
Anywhere. I don't know.
Just let me be.
No. Now you listen.
Hey! I have one solution to this, and it's you,
So you're gonna walk over to that bar,
And you're gonna give the performance of your lifetime,
Or you can kiss your desiccated vampire family good-bye.
Understood?
And what if i fail to bring him back?
You won't fail.
I need to be assured that regardless
Of the outcome with your brother today
I can trust you to help me get my people back.
I told you a hundred times we'll get them back.
And is that the truth?
Why would i lie?
Damon.
You have the power to give your greatest love
The human life she desires,
And you are yet to be truthful with her.
Showtime.
So some good samaritan vampire saves you from dying,
Gives you superstrength, mind control,
And you never grow old.
Sounds like a pretty good deal to me.
Yeah. That's because you don't know about the hunger.
I was awakened by the deafening sound of waves
Lapping against the ship,
Blinded by the faint glow of the northern lights.
Every one of my senses intensified
To the point of pain
But none more than the insatiable craving for blood.
What happened here?
The woman who helped you,
She killed them all.
Everyone's dead.
Where is she?
I don't know.
She told me to come find you.
She wants you to feed on me
To complete your transition.
After feeding on the charlatan,
I searched all over that ship for that woman,
But she was gone.
Her promises of a new life and a new family
Were lies.
She made me a monster
And then abandoned me.
For what reason?
Who knows? Probably some sick game.
Like the one you were playing with me.
Exactly.
The goal was the same.
I wanted to do to you what had been done to me.
To make you a monster.
I'm sorry, matt. Come on.
You can't die on me, man.
Caroline: So for those of us keeping score,
If matt dies, are you gonna start peeing
On fire hydrants again?
Ooh. That's a very good question.
I mean, if all that rage made you think
That you could take us both,
Maybe this is nature's way of reconnecting you
With your true self.
Shut up!
Who's that?
It's my mother.
Come on.
Get him out of here.
Here. Take my car.
Tyler: Come here, man.
[matt groans]
So...You have a mother?
I had a mom.
She died, so whoever this is
Is damon's lame attempt to get my humanity back on.
Let me guess. Then you get my humanity back on.
I don't think so.
Unh!
Sorry, stefan, but thanks for the head start.
[groaning]
Elena! We need help!
Oh, my god! Matt!
It's ok. You'll be fine.
No.
Matt, take the damn blood.
I said i don't want it. I want a doctor.
-But-- -where's jo? Hey!
-Matt! -Help!
What just happened?
Here. Let me help you.
Ugh!
I'm sure you have many questions.
Well, the fact that you haven't aged a day
Answers the big one.
I'm a ripper.
All of the guilt you've carried
For your lack of control,
It's my fault, not yours.
You get it from me.
That's why i had to leave.
I was so new to the bloodlust,
I was afraid i would hurt you and your brother.
The last time i saw you
Was the day of my funeral.
You weren't imagining it.
I was your angel.
Damon, voice-over: Then tell him
That you wish you could have seen him grow up.
If only i'd been there
To see you grow into a young man,
To protect you from your father's temper,
But i was so ashamed of the things that i'd done,
Of what i'd become,
And by the time i got my appetite under control
And was coming back for you and your brother,
I was hunted down and banished to a prison world
By the gemini.
The one thing that helped you get through
Being trapped in that awful place...
Was the hope of seeing my sons again.
I know there are no words
That make up for me abandoning you,
But we have all of eternity for me to try.
"your angel has returned to you."
Lily: Your angel has returned to you,
And i will never leave you again.
Mother.
My sweet, sweet boy.
How'd you find her?
On the list of things to be worrying about,
She's not one of them.
You get a night, stefan,
A night to beat yourself up,
Do your shame spiral,
And then you have to go after caroline.
I don't need a night.
I'll find her.
You refusing the pain meds, too?
No.
Then why are you refusing my blood?
Do you know how many times i've died
Or nearly died?
Most of those times were at the hands
Of people i thought were my friends.
I'm sorry,
Not people-- vampires.
-Matt -don't give me
The "we're not all like that" speech, elena,
Because you are.
Just one flip of a switch away.
That's not what i was gonna say.
I actually think you have every right to be mad...
But why won't you let me make it better?
I can't say that i hate vampires
And then use them when it's to my advantage.
I can't have it both ways, elena.
That's just how it is to me.
Good. Now that the vervain's out of your system,
How does southampton sound?
Well, i may as well compel you a nice place to disappear to.
Or you could give me the choice you never had.
Look. You said it yourself.
You do this, you're only making it worse.
Ah, but you'll be safe.
What if i swore never to seek out the salvatores?
From what you've told me,
I don't want any part of my real family.
Have a nice life, sarah nelson.
Well, matt lives to hate vampires another day,
Stefan's on caroline duty,
And i just introduced mom to uber.
Taking bets on which one goes south first.
I want to throw jo a baby shower.
Whoa.
Forgot to hit your turn signal for that segue.
Jo's pregnancy's the best news
That we've had in a little while,
And i feel like i didn't react in the way that i should have.
Why not?
Because i think i was--i don't know.
Jealous?
Yeah. A little.
I mean, i've always wanted a family
Before, you know.
So it's kind of a bummer of a reminder
That that's never gonna happen for me.
[music playing]
But i get to have a life with you,
Which is also what i've always wanted,
So it'll be good, ok?
I just had to let myself be sad for a minute.
What if things could be different?
What if you could change everything.
They're not, and i can't.
Nothing's changed.
I love you.
I love you, too.
[cell phone chimes]
This better be important.
[sighs]
So i called my dad to let him know that kai's gone,
But all he wants to know
Is where the ascendant is.
We have to destroy it.
-Why? -Before you answer that,
I should probably skip to the part
Where i already gave it to lily.
What?! You promised bonnie that--
Jo: It doesn't matter.
You need to get it back now.
Tell me.
Jo: Before the 1900s,
Your mother fell in with a group of witches
That were cast out of the gemini coven.
They were known as heretics, siphoners like kai,
But not just that.
Lily turned them,
Resulting in creatures that are both witch and vampire.
But that's not possible.
Vampires can't be witches.
These are witches that have magic
Only when they siphon power from another source.
As vampires...
They have a constant source.
They can siphon off of themselves.
They were on their way to destroy the gemini,
But the coven got to them first,
Put them into exile.
Heretics are ruthless--
Vampires with witch power,
An aberration of nature.
They can never be allowed to escape.
Imagine kai with the bloodlust of a vampire.
[wood splintering]
Now imagine 6 of them.