The Vampire Diaries (2009–2017): Season 5, Episode 21 - Promised Land - full transcript

Previously on
"The Vampire Diaries"...

The travelers are
about to make their move.

Their leader Markos is here.

Liv: One by one,
they've taken over towns

by putting passengers
inside of the townsfolk.

I take it back.
This is creepy.

Liv: We think they're doing
the same thing in Mystic Falls.

You're passengered into
the body of a hybrid, Julian.

Bonnie: They've started
the spell to make Julian permanent.

Unh!

Damon: Enzo's dead.



Aah! Unh!

Enzo, I can bring you back.
I'll find a way.

Stefan: And how do you
plan on doing that?

Markos found his way back.
It's not impossible.

The other side is falling apart.

And when this place goes,
you are going with it.

You asked if there was anything
you could do about the other side.

Say good-bye to your friends, Bonnie.

Markos: The blood of the final
two doppelgangers

can undo the witches' curse
that prevents us

from finding a home.

We can break that curse.

Wakey, wakey.

Mr... Sikes,
head of corporate accounts.



[Grunting]

Oops. Sorry about that.

Yeah. Can't have you
mumbling any of those

annoying traveler ditties.
It's a sure migraine.

So here's the deal.

My brother and my girl
have both been kidnapped

by travelers, and I can't
seem to find them anywhere.

I mean, like, poof, gone, right?

So besides a completely
clueless hybrid in my basement

and a cave full of sleeping travelers,
I've got nothing to go on except you,

so I'm gonna need you to tell me
where I can find your leader Markos.

[Caroline sighs]

What's up, blondie?

Liv and Luke aren't
answering any of my...

- Oh, my God! Mr. Sikes?
- You know him?

Yeah. He helped me open
my first savings account.

He gave me a lollipop.

Well, unfortunately, Mr. Sikes here
is occupied by some low-life traveler.

I saw him and his buddies chanting
in the town square last week.

I also know that Markos
and your passengered comrades

are planning some big flashy spell

to undo some super boring
ancient witch curse,

and where that sucks for us,

it just happens to undo
all witch magic,

I.E. kill me

and my sexy, blond frenemy here.

If you know where Markos
took Stefan and Elena,

you need to tell us.

Yep.

Sorry. You're gonna have to speak up.

Mmm. Nope, nope.
Didn't catch that either.

[Groaning]

I think he's trying
to say something to me.

Come here, sweetie pie.

It doesn't matter where Markos is.
Nothing you do can stop him now.

[Dripping]

[Coughs]

You have... enough.

Let me go.

Aah! Unh!
Aah!

[Groaning]

I'll have enough when you
can no longer speak.

[Door opens]

- Who's there?
- Shh. Get out of here.

[Groans]

Go.

[Whimpering]

- Stefan.
- Elena.

Damon: Seriously?
Collect calls are still a thing?

Stefan: Yeah. Well,
you know what could have

saved you the cost of this phone call?
You finding us.

- How long have we been gone?
- 4 days.

4 days? 4 days,
and you couldn't track us down?

What'd you think,
we were having a nice spa getaway?

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I've been searching 24/7, ok?

Maybe if you'd been
a little more perceptive,

you wouldn't have gotten
yourselves doppelnapped.

Oh.

[Sighs]

What the hell was that?

Travelers drained us of our blood,

so we've had to do
a little bit of hunting.

You have Elena participating
in squirrel slaughter?

Believe me,
she's no happier about it than I am.

Heh heh. She'll shoot your eye out.

Do you want to talk to her,
or are you still pretending

like you don't want to hear her voice?

Don't psychoanalyze me, Stefan.

Where are you?
I'll come get you.

I have no idea where we are.
We're in the middle of nowhere.

Listen. We'll make our way back,
but Markos drained most of our blood,

and considering the kinds
of spells he was able to do

- with just a little bit of it...
- Yeah, I know.

Find Markos, kill Markos,

save Mystic Falls from
becoming traveler home.

It's gonna be a busy day for me,
Stefan.

Time to strap on the hero hair.

I'll get her home safely, all right?

Get both yourselves
home safely, brother.

I'd hate to have to kick
her ass for losing you.

Unh! God.

Forgetting someone?

Bonnie!

He says you promised
you bring him back.

Uh, you're paraphrasing.

He said, quote, I will find a way.

Whatever.

Hello. Still here,
and I know what I said.

Hey. Remind him he doesn't
have a very good track record

- for keeping promises.
- Please stop talking.

The other side is
on the brink of colapse.

I plan on pestering all of you

until I'm safely returned
to the land of the living.

You need to fix this
before I lose my mind.

Hey. I'm sorry, ok?

I've got two missing doppelgangers,

I've got a traveler that wants
to rid our town of magic,

and I've got
the friendly banker Mr. Sikes

in the coat closet,

so escape from the netherworld's
gonna have to wait until tomorrow.

I think he wants to be
penciled in for today.

Then you bring him back.

What?

Liv is cooking up a spell

to pull you back from the other
side before it goes kaboom,

so whatever you're doing,
just include Enzo in it.

You hear me, Enzo.

Just hitch a ride with her, ok?

See? There delegating.
I feel better.

That's not a great idea.

You called.

You. I need you and your Xbox buddy
to run an errand for me.

Come on. Let's go.

Well, what are you waiting for?

Ring up your little witchy friend
and get her over here.

- Ohh, God. I feel like an idiot.
- Ditto.

Do that thing again.
The vamp thing.

Oh, no. I don't want to do that.

Come on. You know it's embarrassing.

Come on. It's the only thing
that's keeping me sane right now.

Sure.

Ohh.

Hmm. That was funnier the first time.

Yeah. Well,
you were delirious the first time.

How many, um... ahem...
You know,

are we supposed to have before
we get our strength back?

More than we've had, that's for sure.

Let me know if you see a damn buffalo.

This is depressing.

Yeah. More depressing
than walking for Miles

and not knowing where
the hell you're going?

No, probably not
more depressing than that.

Damon is in full hero mode today.

I'm sure he was thrilled about that.

I don't know.
He had the whole

savior of the universe voice going on.

I like that voice.

You know, maybe this
whole thing's a sign.

A sign of what?

My blood can literally destroy him.

If that's not a sign that we're
in a toxic relationship...

Our blood, all right, our blood.
Don't hog the blame.

Look. We're vampires.
We're a toxic species.

Whether you want to blame
it on magic or biology,

it's just who we are.

When a human gets ravenously hungry,
they eat a double cheeseburger.

We kill people.

Some of us are more
extreme than others,

but that's just who we are.

How come you're so much
better at controlling it?

Because I'm so much
worse when I don't.

I'm only gonna say this once.

You two are miserable
without each other,

so if you want to be with him,
just be with him.

Look. When humans want to break free

from complicated relationships,
they go to therapy.

Vampires get a pass, ok?

Come on.

[Music playing]

I ordered us waffles.

I figured our last meal
wouldn't be complete

until we poured liquid
sugar all over it.

Mmm. My ray of sunshine sister.

The coven's pissed, Luke.

You were supposed to hide Stefan
and Elena from the travelers,

and you practically delivered
them on a silver platter.

Ok. How was I supposed to know

that Casper the English ghost
would be a complication.

That's not the point.

We were never supposed
to let things get this far.

We got sucked into some stupid
"let's be friends" trap.

Look. These people are nice, ok,

more than I can say for
our screwed up family.

Ohh!

- What are you doing?
- It's not me.

Like I said, the coven is pissed.

Fine. I'm listening.

We were supposed to
keep the doppelgangers

from falling into Markos' hands.

We failed.

We can't let him succeed
at taking away our magic.

There's only one move left.

We have to kill Stefan and Elena.

Yeah.

[knock on door]

Morning, Sam.

Mrs. Douglas, special delivery.

- Mailman didn't deliver anything?
- Nope. Just picking up.

I'm going to be late for school.

I've got a million
college essays to review.

What's going on, Pam?

Something's wrong.
You're different lately.

I think what's wrong is the fact
that it's taken you so long

to notice that your wife has been
colonized by a total stranger.

You think I'm joking?
I'm serious.

So am I.
My name's Karl.

I'm a traveler living
inside your wife's body

while my real body is asleep
in a cave under the town.

- What are you talking about?
- This isn't my first choice,

but I need to borrow
something that's expendable.

Pam, you need help.

Tsk.

Unh!

This marriage was a disaster anyway.

No hard feelings.

I think I just hallucinated a unicorn.

Hmm. Maybe Caroline's nearby.

Heh. If Caroline was here,

we'd have a fully catered buffet
on the side of the road

and a rainbow.

Two rainbows.

That's funny. Ha!

You know, when we were younger,

I couldn't decide what
was more annoying...

Her control freakiness
or her delusional positivity,

but right now honestly,
there isn't a single person

I wish was here more.

Her control freakiness
never really bugged me.

Yeah. Well, you didn't have to build
a Barbie castle with her

in the second grade.

That's true.
I do know this.

If Caroline Forbes was here right now,
we would both be laughing.

We're so pathetic.

You know what?

Let's put on your best
Caroline Forbes hats, shall we?

All right, universe,
enough screwing around.

We're ready for the good stuff.

Theme dance or block party maybe.

- You got to be kidding me.
- What?

Oh, my God.
That is so weird.

Oh, no, wait.

[Music playing]

See?

H... oh. Not what I was expecting.

All right.
Let's cut to the chase.

You're giving us a ride.

You're trying to compel me?
Who do you think freed you last night?

Get in. They're coming for you.

[Crash]

Ah, great.

I'm gonna add carry to the list
of things that you can't do well,

but that's ok.

You can pay me back with
your salary from the Grill

if you want to work
a couple thousand years.

Why don't you do us all a favor
and start dating Elena again?

Just put her on the pool table.

What the hell is going on?
Who are all these people?

Traveler husks.

They've passengered theirselves

into the beautiful
citizens of Mystic Falls

like your buddy Mr. Sikes.

You two, make yourselves useful.

Patrol the town.

Call me if you see
anything weirder than usual.

And what are you planning
on doing with all of them?

Here you go.
Oh, yeah.

Well, Markos put them in a cave.

I'm hoping he wants them back.

So you think drawing Markos to
your house is the best idea?

It's the only idea

unless your body-snatched ex-boyfriend
in the basement can help us.

Julian is not Tyler.

Therefore, he has
no reason to help us,

so until I figure out
a way to get Tyler back,

he's just extra baggage.

There's no shame in giving up.

I mean, aren't we all
a little sick of Tyler?

You know what?

Your whole I'm too cool to care thing
is really starting to get old,

and don't think for one
second that I believe

your mood has nothing
to do with Elena.

Spare me the unsolicited
relationship advice.

Fine. Just keep
your torture-happy hands off of Tyler

until I figure something out.

I don't abandon the people
that I care about.

It was too risky to haul
you out of there myself,

so I had to circle back.

Won't they kill you
for helping us out?

Yes, which is why we need to make sure

that they don't get to me
before I get to my husband.

I assume you know where he is.

Well, seeing as how he's
permanently passengered

into one of our best friends, yeah.

This isn't really a 3-person
kind of truck, is it?

You can always sit in
your boyfriend's lap.

- We're not together.
- She's not my girlfriend.

Noted.
Sorry I assumed.

I thought the doppelgangers

were, like,
fated soul mates or something.

Something like that.

So you want your husband back.

I get it,

but didn't he run from Markos, too?

Doesn't that make you guys both dead?

Markos is focused on
breaking the curse

so that the travelers can settle
permanently in your hometown.

I'll have a head start if I can get

to Julian before Markos
starts the spell.

We're not just gonna
let you take Tyler.

Tyler is gone.

There's only Julian now,
and he belongs with me.

Once the spell starts,
magic will be stripped away

layer by layer.

Tyler's body will turn from
hybrid back to werewolf,

but then finally, he'll just be dead,
and my husband along with him.

So leaving him behind
is not an option.

Quit hovering.
It's weird.

You're, like, permanently inhabiting
the former love of my life.

Let's debate the levels of weird.

If he's former, why do you care?

Because he's a person whose
life you stole without asking.

- He deserves to be fought for.
- Whatever.

[Sighs]

So why can't Markos
and all the other travelers

find someplace else to live?

It's nice here.

Besides,
it's not just about breaking the curse

that keeps us from
being able to settle.

It's revenge against everything
the witches stand for,

every grimoire, every talisman,

every vampire,
right down to your daylight rings.

The travelers see it
all as a perversion

of pure magic.

Markos wants to destroy
that perversion.

He wants to restore the balance.

But that's just wrong.

It's not really wrong
when you think about it.

If anything, it's kind of right.

Why does he have to be
so violent about it?

When it comes to getting
what he wants,

Markos doesn't have much
of a sense of humor.

Nothing.

Ahh.

[Cell phone ringing]

Salvatore boring house.

- Markos: I'm calling about my people.
- Hey. You found my note.

Now listen.
Don't be offended,

but I can't just give them to anyone,
so what do they look like?

They're ragged,
beaten down by the world,

desperate for a home.

You just described homeless people,
aging hipsters, and Matt Donovan.

One of them is 5'10",
wearing a black coat.

You're standing next to him.

I know the concept
of a home is new to you,

but it is polite to knock.

Caroline: So Julian is trapped
inside of Tyler forever

or until he dies, so I was thinking

what if he does die?

Maybe that's how we do it,
that's how we get him out.

You want to kill Tyler?

Well, he'll go to the other side,

and then when Liv does
the spell to help you and Enzo,

Tyler can come back.

And speaking of,
shouldn't you be, like,

preparing or talking
to Liv or doing anything

other than packing up our dorm room?

We have to be out of here
right after finals,

which I might skip due to
the potential extinction of magic

in the place where I was
spending my summer break.

Right, but I think
the other side falling apart

is slightly more pressing
than a late housing fee.

There is no spell.

I made it up.

The other side is collapsing,
and everyone in it, including me,

is going away for good.

So, no, I don't think
you should kill Tyler.

Nice place.
A little rustic.

My tastes are more modern ironically.

Still...

Good bones and all.

I think you read the flier wrong.

See, the bodies are the only
thing on the bargaining table

and in the attic
and the garage and the kitchen.

About that.

Please tell me taking
hostages isn't your grand plan

because it feels a little small,

much like the half bathroom
off the foyer.

Funny. Here I thought you
didn't have a sense of humor.

Hmm.

[Sniffs]

Oh. If you're wondering
about the smell,

I have your salvation
army doused in gasoline,

and I am just itching
to light a match.

Hmm. You're right.

None of this would be possible

without their willingness
to passenger themselves

into your citizens
and help perform my spell,

and while I'd like to
give them the opportunity

to return to their actual bodies.

It's not essential to my plan.

Did you really think you'd
found the whole of my people?

Travelers are everywhere.

They're the faces that surround
you every day the world over,

the ones you don't notice
because you're too busy

making a mess of all that you have.

They want those things, too...

A home, a family, a better life...

And they're willing
to die for it.

You want a promised land.

I get it, ok, but look.

Off the record, I mean,
Mystic Falls is kind of a dump...

Bad schools, terrible traffic,

and forget about ever getting
a decent cup of coffee.

Mystic Falls is a means to an end,

like a small pebble
dropped into a very large pond.

Very poetic.
No idea what it means.

Once we destroy
the spirit magic in this town,

the witches' curse
will finally be broken.

From there, the spell
will ripple outward,

unraveling spirit magic as it spreads.

Only pure magic,
our magic, will remain.

My people will be free
to go wherever they choose,

and when witch magic and all
that it has ever created

is gone from this earth,

you will be, too.

I think I've heard about enough.

You underestimate me.

I've completely transfused
myself with doppelganger blood.

I'm channeling all
the power of my people.

You're not strong enough
to kill me anymore.

Woman: Zah pet par veet.

Eezol ehmit pro kleh et tee...

Not that it matters.

The spell has already begun.

Eezol ehmit pro kleh et tee.

Zah pet par veet.

Eezol ehmit pro kleh et tee.

Zah pet par veet.

Eezol ehmit pro kleh et tee.

Zah pet par veet.

Eezol ehmit pro kleh et tee.

Zah pet par veet.

Eezol ehmit pro kleh et tee.

Home, sweet, home.

I don't meant to be rude,

but would you mind if I drained

your carotid of a few ounces?

You're two blocks from home.

Would you mind holding out,
considering I saved your lives?

Word of advice, keep a low profile.

This is exactly where Markos
doesn't want you to be.

If a traveler spots you, you're going

right back to that camp.

Look out!

[Tires squealing]

What the hell is she doing?

Trying to kill you.
Just a wild guess.

Get out of the car.

- Unlock the doors!
- I did!

- Stop!
- I can't!

Oh, my God.

Aah!

I'm sorry, I really am,

but we need to make
the doppelganger blood useless.

One of you needs to die.

Unh!

It doesn't matter which one really.

When did you plan on telling me,

or were you just hoping
the darkness would come take me

before the awful truth came out?

Answer me!

Don't you get it?
There is no solution.

There's always a solution.

Your boyfriend came back from the dead,
Markos came back from the dead,

you came back from the dead!

The travelers used
the doppelganger blood

and that spell
to bring Markos back, which means

they basically destroyed the magic

that was holding
the other side together.

It's unraveling, and there is nothing
anyone can do to stop it.

It is over, Enzo.

You're not coming back.

- Accept it.
- I will accept it

when that darkness comes
and yanks me into oblivion.

I will accept when I no longer exist.

I spent over 50 years stuck in a cell,

poked, prodded, tortured.

By all rights,
I had no hope of ever getting out,

but I clung to it,

so I will accept it when it's done

and not a minute prior.

I know you.

You tried to kill
my boyfriend in the caves.

- What's going on?
- A traveler just died.

Please tell my husband I tried.

[Gasps]

[Grunts]

[Music playing]

I'd invite you to stay for dinner,

but I'm not very familiar
with the traveler cuisine,

although I'm sure it
involves lots of trail mix

and gruel.

I think I'll take this wall down.

I love an open floor plan.

Julian as Tyler: Damon.
He doesn't know I'm here.

Use the element of surprise.

Not sure you're clever
enough to pull it off.

Just thought I'd put it out there.

Well, all I can ask
is that you leave me

with a couple great bottles of wine.

You know, I spent half
my life shoplifting the stuff.

I'm assuming you want to
see the wine cellar.

Ah. Here's something
you don't see every day.

[In french] Bordeaux 1945.

I think I won this in a poker game.

I don't know. Maybe Stefan
brought it back from the war.

I don't remember.

Where is your brother?

I was hoping he'd be here.

The doppelgangers seemed
to have slipped away

without saying good-bye.

Well, that's a good question.

Why don't we find out?

After you.

Do it. Liv, come on.

No hard feelings.

Just following our coven's orders.

Aah!

- Liv! Liv, what's happening?
- Oh, no.

Your magic sputter out?

Luke, it's started.
The spell's started.

Zah pet par veet.

Eezol ehmit pro kleh et tee.

Zah pet par veet.

Eezol ehmit pro kleh et tee.

Zah pet par veet.

Eezol ehmit pro kleh et tee.

Zah pet par veet.

Eezol ehmit pro kleh et tee.

Zah pet par veet.

Eezol ehmit...

- We trusted you.
- It doesn't matter.

You're gonna be dead any second.

Elena!

Stefan, our rings aren't working.

Stefan: Get inside.
Run now!

Elena! Hey.
What happened?

- Our rings aren't working.
- What?!

Whole town square's
filled with travelers.

We got to get out of here.

The tunnels.
In the stockroom.

Come on. Let's go.

Zah pet par veet.

Eezol ehmit pro kleh et tee.

Zah pet par veet.

Eezol ehmit pro kleh et tee.

Zah pet par veet.

Eezol ehmit pro kleh et tee.

Elena!

Unh! Ohh!

What's going on?

The spell unravels the witch magic.

It's spreading, and without the magic,

I'm just someone
who was shot by his dad.

All right. Come on.
Let's keep running.

Maybe we'll stay ahead of it.

Well, Stefan isn't picking up,

so he might just be
out of cell phone minutes.

[Crash]

What kind of game are you playing?

[Growlg]

[Screaming]

Took you long enough.

My fangs.

What the hell happened to my fangs?

What?

Unh! Aah!

Ooh.

Aah! Aah! Oh!

We have a problem.

Zah pet par veet.

Eezol ehmit pro kleh et tee.

Zah pet par veet.

Eezol ehmit pro kleh et tee.

Zah pet par veet.

Eezol ehmit pro kleh et tee.

Zah pet par veet.

Eezol ehmit pro kleh et tee.

Zah pet par veet.

Eezol...

Heh heh.

Now what were you saying
about this being your home?

Unh!

[Gunshot]

No!

[Moaning]

Like I said,

the spell will continue
to unravel spirit magic

as it spreads,

which means you're not
long for this world.

The sun's about to set.

Feel free to buy
yourself a little time

to say your good-byes.

You and this traitor of yours
can try to outrun the spell

for a little while anyway.

Little Gilbert,
I have never been so happy to see you.

Get in.

What are we even supposed to take...
Photos, clothes, hair products?

Like any of that matters
when we're all dead!

- Why are you just sitting there?
- I'm thinking.

Well, think while you pack.
Death is literally on its way.

You said a vampire appeared to you
who died on Old Miller Road,

which means the spell
is moving past Mystic Falls.

So whatever will fit.

The rest I'm sure
we'll never see again.

Hello, Bonnie!
Which part

of we're all about to die
isn't registering?

I think I know how to get us
all back form the other side.

I need to find Enzo.

These are all the blood bags
I could get my hands on.

Thanks.

Between the 4 of us,
that will last a day.

Then what?

That's a tomorrow problem.

Right now,
we just got to outrun the spell,

regroup in about 1,000 miles,
and then figure out a game plan.

You ok?

What was that for?

I had a really crappy day,
and I needed it.

I thought I was never
gonna see you again,

and I couldn't think
of a worse way to die.

Well, I guess today's your lucky day.

Jeremy, you head back with Matt.
We need eyes and ears in Mystic Falls.

You guys take Jeremy's car.

I'm gonna wait here for
Caroline and Bonnie.

- I'll call you in a few hours, Jer.
- Be careful.

Enzo: Surreal, isn't it?

Who are you?

Dead just like you,

but I've got
a proposition to get us both

out of this place.

What are you talking about?

Markos managed to Houdini his way back
to the land of the living

with some crazy spell.
Any chance you know it?

I know the spell, but I don't know

two dozen travelers willing
to overwhelm the anchor.

I think you underestimate
how resourceful we are.

Just leave the details to us.

What do you say?
Interested?

[Thunder]

What the hell is happening?

Grab my hand!

Help! Help me!

Hold on!

No! Don't let me go!

Aah!

What's wrong?

We hit a little snag.

Where's Bonnie?
She was right behind me.

I'm gonna find out
what's taking so long.

I'm looking for Maria.

I heard she brought you
back to Mystic Falls.

Uh, yeah, she did.

Did she tell you where she was headed?

Because she can't stay there.
The town's completely overrun.

What's the problem?

Did she tell you where
she was headed or what?

Listen. Uh, you're not
gonna see Maria again.

What are you talking about?

She's dead.

- I'm sorry.
- Don't touch me.

- It wasn't Stefan's fault.
- She saved your punk ass.

I wasn't the one who killed her.
The witches did.

Well, someone's gonna
have to pay for it.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Whoa.

I'm in no mood to fight tonight,
all right?

Look at me.

My wife's dead.
I'm in somebody else's body.

I've got nowhere to go because
my own people are trying to kill me.

Listen. We're gonna find
a way to stop this spell.

Even if Mystic Falls is gone,

we're gonna find a way to
save ourselves, all right?

[Growling]

There. Dead doppelganger.

Stopped the spell.

[Thud]

Oh, my God.
Oh, my God!

No, no.

What the hell happened?

Maria was the only one
who was willing to help us

who knew that spell.

The great beyond happened,
and it's gonna keep happening,

so we need to find a way
out of here and fast.

Stefan.

What?

Bonnie.

This... this can't be happening.

Please tell me
that you figured out a way

to bring us all back.

I lost it.

I'm sorry.

[Music playing]

Somebody, help me! Please.

Oh, my God. No.

Somebody, help!

Somebody, help!