The Vampire Diaries (2009–2017): Season 1, Episode 5 - You're Undead to Me - full transcript

Previously on The Vampire Diaries:

For over a century,
I have lived in secret, until now.

I know the risk,
but I have to know her.

- How come you don't sparkle?
- Because vampires burn in the sun.

- You go in the sun.
- I have a ring. Protects me.

The pocket watch, where is it?

- It's mine.
- Did you get the Gilbert watch?

- I can get it.
- Good. We need it.

- What is that?
- It's a very important crystal.

You're the mystery guy, and I like that,
but with mystery comes secrets.

- I just need you to trust me.
- Trust is earned.



Caroline, what happened?

- Nothing.
- Did Damon hurt you?

- There are bruises all over Caroline.
- I'm handling it.

Vervain could weaken him if he ingested it.

It would help get you the upper hand.

I knew I couldn't
spike your drink, so I spiked hers.

- Five bodies all drained of blood?
- They've come back.

Where's my ring?

Won't be needing it anymore.

- How long have I been here?
- Three days.

What are you doing?

During the Dark Ages,
when a vampire's actions...

...threatened to expose
or bring harm upon the entire race...

...they would face judgment.



They sought to reeducate them
rather than to punish them.

You know what will happen
if I don't feed on blood.

You'll grow weaker and weaker.

And eventually,
you won't be able to move or speak.

In a week, your skin will desiccate,
and you'll mummify.

A living corpse.

Unable to hurt anyone. Ever.

So, what, you're just gonna leave me
in the basement forever?

I've injected you with enough vervain
to keep you weak.

Once your circulation stops,
I'll move you to the family crypt...

...and then in 50 years,
we can reevaluate.

- I'm stronger than you think.
- You always have been.

But you're not stronger than the vervain,
and we both know it.

I'm sorry.

Didn't have to be this way.

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm almost done.

It's okay. Take your time.

I think you might be in trouble.

What'd you do?

- Elena saw me.
- I'm a drug-using delinquent.

Girl in bed doesn't really rank. Sorry.

Jenna.

Are you aware of what's going on upstairs?

Uh-huh.

- And you have no objection?
- He could be craftier about it.

At least make an effort
to sneak her in and out.

Oh, and just so you know,
I won't be home for dinner.

Ohh. So you're actually going to do it.
You're gonna go out with Logan.

I'm gonna show up
and torture him, yes.

And have you heard from Stefan?

Not since he left
that very vague message three days ago.

"Hi. Um, Elena, I, um...
I have something I have to do.

I'll, uh, explain in a few days."

- Haven't you called him?
- Nope.

Not going to either.

And you're okay with everything?

No, I'm not okay with any of it.
But I'm not gonna cry about it either.

I was gonna write in my diary,

"What am I gonna write?"
I'm not gonna be one of those girls...

...whose world stops spinning
because of some guy.

Okay, then.

I'll be fine.

He's awake.
He's weak, but it's probably best...

...to stay out of the basement.
He's Damon.

I'm not sure how dangerous
he might be.

- You're going to school?
- Came here to live a life.

It's time I get back to that,
and Elena, if she's still speaking to me.

Why haven't you called her?

What am I supposed to do,
feed her another lie?

I hate lying. I'm not good at it.
She thinks I'm hiding something.

What choice do you have? You came
back here because you wanted...

...to live as normal a life as you could.
You knew this was gonna be a part of it.

I remember the party.

Damon came up behind me...

...and he was kissing my neck,
or biting my neck.

I passed out.

It's like there's holes
in my memory lately.

It's just weird.

- Maybe I let him bite me.
- Why would you do that?

Can we just not talk about it?

Okay?
I just don't wanna talk about Damon.

I don't wanna talk about any of it.

Just want to go back to normal.

What are you doing with that candle?

Um...

Nothing.

What's this?

Damon gave it to me.

Or he was going to give it to me.

- All I know is it's mine now.
- It's ugly.

Well, then get
your grubby hands off it.

The Sexy Suds Car Wash is tomorrow.

The football team
and the band have committed.

Well, not all the band.
Just the ones who can pull off a bikini.

I want in-your-face sexy.

I mean, it's a fundraiser,
for God's sake.

Unbelievable.

- It's like nothing happened.
- She's in denial.

Hey.

Hey. Uh, you know, I gotta go...

...uh, be somewhere right now.

I'm so sorry I haven't called.

No worries. I'll live.

I was dealing with Damon.

- And did you deal with Damon?
- Yes. Yeah.

For four days?

You have every right
to be upset with me.

- But can I explain it all to you, please?
- Sure. When?

I gotta be home after school,
but the Grill around 4:00?

- Okay.
- Thanks.

Stefan, where's Damon?
He has some serious apologizing to do.

He's gone, Caroline.

When's he coming back?

He's not coming back.

I'm sorry.

This is a good thing, Caroline.

I know that.

- Hey, Matt. Um, have you seen Stefan?
- Nope.

But if you wanna kill some time,
you can rack.

Come on,
we haven't played in forever.

I'll let you break.

I'm full of vervain.

I've been putting it in my coffee
for 16 years.

My blood will only make you worse.

- Damon?
- So it was your vervain?

Good for you.

Good for you.

Family only runs so deep, huh?

We're not family, Damon.
Only in the most dysfunctional sense.

In fact, I avoided having a living,
breathing, loving family because of you.

I don't guess I could talk you
into bringing me a rabbit or something?

I'd settle for Stefan's diet
at this point.

You know I can't do that.

You succeeded, Zach.

I'm shutting down.

You're like your grandfather.

He didn't like it
when I came to visit either.

But you don't visit, Damon.

You appear, unannounced,
reminding me that this isn't my house...

...that you're just permitting me
to live here.

Hell, that you're permitting me to live.

Someone had to mow the lawn.

I came to say goodbye, Damon.

Unlock the door, Zach.

Keep it up, Damon.

More energy you expend,
the faster you'll go.

And there's Vicki
all nonchalant in the bathroom...

...like it's no big deal
that they're hooking up.

Yeah, I'm not gonna lie,
your brother and my sister, that's weird.

Yeah.

How late is he?

Hitting the hour mark.
Nothing's wrong, though.

Which means I'm not talking
boy problems with you.

Good. I mean, it's not like
we were ever best friends or anything.

Okay.

Here goes.

What do you think of Stefan?

- Is he a good guy?
- Why? What's he done?

Not any one thing.

He's just so secretive.
I think there's something...

...that he doesn't want me to know,
which makes me wanna know.

Like that he's a serial killer
and he keeps a clown suit in his trunk?

No, of course not.

But what do we know
about him, really?

He's great at football.

Little bit of a loner.

And as much as I hate saying it,
he might be a nice guy.

So you think I'm just being paranoid?

- I think you should talk to him.
- Talk to who?

I'm so sorry that I'm late.

- What happened?
- I got held up.

- Is everything okay?
- There's this thing with my uncle.

You couldn't call and tell me
you're gonna be an hour late?

Okay. You two have fun.

- I'm really sorry. It was unavoidable.
- What was unavoidable?

- Okay.
- No. Elena, please.

No, Stefan, don't you get it?

Every question
gets a vague non-answer.

What is so awful
that you're afraid to tell me?

I know you.

My God.

- I'm sorry?
- I know you.

- How can it be?
- I think you have the wrong person, sir.

You haven't aged a day.

I'm sorry. Excuse me.

Hey, can I take you home,
and we can talk about it?

Is that okay?

Wait. What was that?

I don't know. Nothing.

Right, nothing. Okay. Um...

I gotta go, Stefan.

Excuse me.

I tried.

I want so much to make things right...

...but every instinct in my body
is telling me to be careful.

What you don't know can hurt you.

Evening, sheriff.

- Anything?
- We went over the west side of the lake.

All the caverns by the falls were clean.
No signs of habitat.

Then they're staying in town.

We canvassed all abandoned buildings
and warehouses.

- There has to be a private residence.
- And that much harder to locate.

These creatures know
how to go undetected.

Someone who only comes out at night
should become obvious.

- What about the watch?
- I'm working on it.

I knew the Gilberts. That watch
is passed down to the men in the family.

- I'd start with Jeremy.
- Hey, Logan.

Can't believe you really came.

You have an hour.

Make it count.

- You okay
- Is Vicki in there?

Don't answer a question
with another question.

Maybe.

What's wrong with you?

I'm miserable.

Well, you should go
get something to eat.

Jenna?

Jenna?

Stefan?

- What are you doing here?
- Dinner.

Jeremy told me chicken Parmesan
is one of your favorites.

And I happen to be a good cook.

Italian roots demand it. I can even make
my own homemade mozzarella.

Only, tonight, it is,
unfortunately, store-bought. Sorry.

I don't know
what you're trying to accomplish.

You wanna know me, right?

Well, I figure
if you're gonna dump me...

...you should at least, um,
know who you're dumping.

- So let's start with Katherine.
- Stefan...

She was the most beautiful girl
that I had ever met.

She had this perfect olive skin.

And she had this laugh.
It was ridiculous.

I mean, her laugh made you laugh.

And she was fun.
She knew how to have a good time.

But Katherine was also very impatient
and entitled and selfish and impulsive.

Enter Damon.

He claims that he was with her first.
I don't know.

I do know that I did some things
that I'm not proud of.

And my biggest regret...

...is not being able to make it right
before she died.

I miss her...

...but I'm no longer crippled
by her loss.

It was very nice what you did for Stefan.

- Very romantic.
- Well, I was feeling romantic.

Look what I found.

"Elena Gilbert.

Take one tablet every four to six hours
as needed for pain."

Those are left over
from the car accident.

So she won't miss them.

No, not with that. That's an antique.

I feel like we're always getting high.

- That's the beauty of choice.
- Well, then let's choose not to.

I mean, we don't have to be high
all the time, right?

I hope you're not one of those guys...

...who, now that we're together,
tries to change everything about me.

No.

Good.

I'm an avid reader. Huge Fitzgerald fan.
The Great Gatsby, his masterpiece.

But I'm no snob.
I love some good Grisham.

I think Seinfeld is the best American
television show of the past 50 years...

...but I Love Lucy is all-time.

The "Loving Cup" episode
is the best, I think.

Huge Scorsese fan.

I can watch Taxi Driver
over and over again.

Here. Let me.

As far as music,

Dylan, Hendrix, Patsy,
Willie, little Kanye.

You know what?
I even like that one Miley song.

Easy.

I didn't say anything.
Hey, this is for the garlic bread, right?

Because I'm not eating garlic
unless you agree to, too.

Are you kidding? I love garlic.

Ow! Ah!

- You okay?
- Um...

Yeah, I think so.

- Your face.
- Yeah, yeah.

I think I got something in my eye.

Stefan.

Hey.

Stefan.

Um, I think that my paranoia
has turned into full-blown hallucinations.

Part of your charm.

Caroline.

Caroline.

No, Tiki, do not do the one-piece, okay?
I've seen it on you. Trust me.

Yeah, we are going for
a stripper-pole vibe this year.

Caroline.

Yeah, maybe we should wash the cars
in slow motion.

No.

Caroline.

What? Oh, no, sorry. Um...

So I'll just see you tomorrow.

Two-piece. Okay. Bye.

Shoo. Shoo. Shoo!

God.

I bet you're feeling pretty good
about yourself, aren't you?

- Not particularly.
- You won.

You got the bad guy.

Now nothing can come between
you and Elena.

Except the truth.

The lies will catch up to you, Stefan.

Long as you keep lying to yourself
about what you are.

The beauty of you in there
and me out here...

...is that I can walk away.

No friend discounts. No freebies.

No pay-you-laters.
We are not running a charity here.

- No, we are not.
- Hi.

Hey.

Uh, the event is called Sexy Suds,
you know?

Did we just get scolded?

- And judged, yeah.
- Wow.

I'm sorry, but I guess
you're gonna have to take that off.

Uh, I think you have to go first.

Okay.

Okay. Um...

Sorry. So not sexy.

I disagree.

Uh-uh. No.
None of that tortured pining stuff.

- I'm just observing.
- Uh-huh.

Oh. Tiki. This one's yours.

Why do I always get the homely ones?

Just to be clear, your car's a POS.

I mean, we can wash it,
but it's still a POS.

You don't have to be rude.

No, rude is uglying up the road
with that junker.

What the... Oh, my God. What the...?

Whoa. Hey.

- Whoa!
- What the hell?

Wet and wild, Tik.

Proceeds are going
to the school's Athletic Department...

...still healing from the tragic death
of their football coach, William Tanner.

The citizens of Mystic Falls
coming together in support...

...of one of their own.

Cut it.

- Classy.
- Thank you.

But you're still gonna video
the girls in bikinis, right?

Oh, 53 percent of Americans
watch the news with the sound off.

Thank you for dinner.
I had a nice time.

Do you remember the last time
we were in the school parking lot?

Nope. Doesn't ring a bell.

- Really? Hm.
- Nada.

Especially not having sex
in the minivan.

Yeah. That was a good day.

- What?
- Ha, ha.

- You're getting soap in that.
- Oh, it's fine.

I noticed that Damon has one too.
Is there a story behind it?

Yeah, it's the, um...

It's the family crest.
It's from the Italian Renaissance.

Huh.

What's the stone?

- It's called lapis lazuli.
- Ah.

You should really take it off.
I can put it in my bag.

No, it's fine, really.

- Thanks, though.
- Okay.

I'm gonna get some towels.

Okay.

Hey, we're out of towels
and those shimmy things.

I will get some more. Mind the money.

Caroline, help me.

Caroline.

Help me.

Help me.

- That'll be $20.
- Okay.

I saw you last night.

You were talking to a friend of mine.
At the Grill.

Well, I thought
it was somebody I knew.

Stefan Salvatore.

No, it can't be.
It was just my mind playing tricks on me.

Where do you think
you'd seen him before?

When I first moved here,
I stayed at the Salvatore boarding house.

Stefan was just passing through
to visit his uncle.

I mean, none of us knew
he was even here until the attack.

- The attack?
- His uncle got killed.

Mauled by an animal in the woods.

His uncle? Zach?

Mm-mm. Joseph.

I'm sorry, sir,
I don't think I'm familiar with the story.

How could you?
I mean, this happened years ago.

Grandpa, you gotta go.
Mom wants you home.

Okay?

He wasn't bugging you, was he?
He's a little Alzy-heimer.

No, he was sweet.

Hey, sir, I'm sorry.

Are you sure
that the man that you saw...

...that you knew,
his name was Stefan Salvatore?

Yes.

I remember his ring and his brother.

- Damon?
- Yeah.

Stefan and Damon Salvatore.

- When was this?
- It was early June, 1953.

Yeah. June, 1953.

I'll be back.

Caroline finally freed you, huh?

Uh, I don't know where she went.
She abandoned me.

Hey, I realized earlier, I had no idea
that your family was from Italy.

No? Last name Salvatore
didn't do it for you?

Right. Duh.

Are there any other Salvatores
in Mystic Falls?

- My Uncle Zach.
- Where did everyone else go?

- Kind of just spread out.
- Mm.

Why?

I'm just trying to learn
more about you.

Where are you taking me?

We can't hide out in your room all the time.

Welcome to
my other favorite party place.

What, the cemetery?

Yeah. It's cool, huh?

- Yo, Vick.
- What's up, Jared?

- You babysitting, Donovan?
- This is Jeremy. He's cool.

Smoke up.

Thanks.

- Your car was done an hour ago.
- You are saying that out loud, why?

Hi. Elena, right?

I think I met you once
when you were 9.

Your emotional maturity level
when we were together.

Ouch. I thought we were
making progress.

Is he enough in your good graces
that I can ask him for a favor?

If I do her a favor,
will I get back in your good graces?

- A very reluctant "maybe" to both.
- Done. Wait.

Dinner, tonight, your house.

Fine. But you're eating leftovers.

Ooh.

What do you need?

Do you have access
to old news stories, say, '50s?

At the station. Between the archives
and the Internet, we have everything.

I have this report, way past due.
You'd be a lifesaver.

I'm heading there now.

Let's go.

If anyone asks...

...you don't know where I went.
I don't want Caroline to know that I left.

Caroline.

Help.

Caroline.

Damon?

Damon?

Damon?

Oh, my God.

What is this?

How did I know that you were here?

Because I wanted you to.

Very, very badly.

Let me out of here. Please.

- You bit me.
- You liked it. Remember?

Why do I keep remembering
the same things, but in different ways?

You remember
what I want you to remember.

And now that the vervain
has passed out of your system...

...you won't remember
what you're about to do.

What am I about to do?

You're gonna open the door.

You're gonna open the door.

No.

Get out of here. Now. Run!

Run.

- Sweeper duty.
- What?

- We have to clean the pavement.
- It's a car wash.

- By definition, the pavement's clean.
- But not dry.

And I'm doing this, why?

Caroline bailed,
so that leaves me in charge.

Fabulous.

Somebody call the fire department.

Bonnie.

Bonnie.

Bonnie.

- Hey.
- What just happened?

You were in some kind of a trance.

Did I do this?

I think so, yeah.

Nobody else saw, did they?

No? Don't tell anybody.

Please.

We digitized all our archives last year.

You can pull all the remote footage
right up on-screen.

What is it exactly you're looking for?

An incident from 1953,
if it even happened...

...at the old Salvatore boarding house.
- Sorry, one second.

Yeah? Fire?
All right. I'll be right there.

I gotta go. You believe there's
actual news to cover in this town?

Use keywords to search the database.
It's pretty easy to navigate.

Brady, down in Tech, will help you out,
anything you need.

- Okay.
- All right?

Oh, hey. Could you put in a good word
for me with Jenna?

- You got it.
- All right.

Good luck.

- What?
- I'm stoned in a cemetery.

They don't mind. They're dead.

You know what?
I'm gonna take us up a notch.

Hey, Tony.

Nice.

Vickies from Vicki. Ha!

Oh, thank you, Elena Gilbert,
whoever you are.

- You took those from the house?
- She wasn't using it.

She's gonna notice if they're gone.
That's not cool.

- It's no big deal, Jer.
- Yeah, it kind of is, Vick.

Damn, dude.

- Vicki brought the party police.
- Shut up, Tony.

Sorry. I didn't mean to make you mad.

What are we doing
with a bunch of losers?

Those are my friends.

They're waste-of-space,
small-town lifers.

Yeah? What am I?

- You're different, Vick.
- No, you are.

You're the kid with the big house who's
acting out because his parents died.

Guess what, you'll get over it.
You'll pull yourself together, move on...

...and one day tell your kids stories
about your dark period growing up.

I'll still be waiting tables at the Grill,
partying at the cemetery...

...with a bunch of waste-of-space,
small-town lifers.

Go home, Jeremy.

If I wanna feel like crap about myself,
I'll just go back to Tyler.

Hey, have you seen Elena?

No, not for a while.

- You think she went home?
- Not sure.

- Thanks.
- Hey.

- Yeah?
- I'm not saying this for you.

I'm saying it for her.
But she's big on trust.

So whatever
you're holding back from her...

...the more you try to hide it, the more
she won't stop till she figures it out.

This is Franklin Fell reporting to you
from the Salvatore boarding house...

...where a brutal animal attack
has ended in tragedy.

Hey, they're bringing out the body.
See if you can get closer.

Is that the nephew?

I didn't see you at the car wash.

Left early.

Honey, are you okay?

Anything you wanna talk about?

Is it a boy thing?

Mom, if I wanna talk boys,
I'll call Dad.

At least he's successfully dating one.

Zach!

Oh, God, no, Zach.

Dear diary. I'm not a believer.

People are born, they grow old,
and then they die.

That's the world we live in.

There's no magic, no mysticism,
no immortality.

There is nothing
that defies rational thought.

I don't know what's happening to me.

I know, dear.

Oh, Grams.

Logan?

Logan?

People are supposed to be
who they say they are, and not lie...

...or hide their true selves.

- What are you doing here?
- Oh, hey, man.

Just looking for the bathroom.

It's not possible.
I'm not a believer. I can't be.

But how can I deny
what's right in front of me?

Someone who never grows old.

1953.

Never gets hurt.

Oh, my God. Your hand.
Is it deep? How bad is it?

Someone who changes
in ways that can't be explained.

Hey. Um, are you okay? Your eye.

Your face.

Girls bitten.

- What is that What happened to you?
- It's nothing.

Bodies drained of blood.

- Did she say what kind of animal it was?
- She said it was a vampire.

Donovan?

No, I'm good.

- Not it.
- Not it.

Not it.

Ha, ha! Vicki.

Hey, man, you okay?

Come here.

Come here.

- Come here.
- You don't look good.

Come closer.

I have something...

...I have to tell you.

Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.

I gotcha. I gotcha. It's okay. It's okay.

What are you?

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