The Unusuals (2009): Season 1, Episode 4 - Crime Slut - full transcript

That was interesting.

Yeah, that raincoat kind of ruined it.

Oh, please. Nobody likes wearing them,
but they're safe.

No, I meant the actual raincoat.

You want,
uh... you want some coffee?

Yeah.

Beaumont.

No.

I know.

I... I will, today.

Yeah, I know I said that last week,



but I'll get you your money.

Yes, by 4:00.

Hey.

Uh, w-Who was that?

It was Cole.
We caught a case.

Do you see my watch?

No.

Damn it.

All right, look. Here.

Here.

No, I can't take that.
That looks too expensive.

It's just a watch.

My grandfather gave it to me.

Just wear it until we find yours, okay?



Thanks.

No, you can't sell your arm.

What about my leg?
I have two.

Get out of my store.

Hey, buying or selling, honey?

I need $2,200.

I can do the $200.

No.
That's a real diamond.

No doubt, but I pay what I pay.

Now, if you want to
throw in that watch...

No.

Not a chance.

Ooh, 1945 G.P.,
good condition.

I could go $1,900.

Ticktock, honey.

Whatever debts you got
ain't gonna pay themselves.

Jesus!

If she moves, kill her.

But not really, right?

Yes, really.

Can I please see these
earrings and this necklace?

There you go.

Thank you.

These are gonna go amazing
with that dress, right, babe?

Oh, yeah,
those are gonna be amazing.

Gun!

Hello.

Nice watch.

Give it to me.

No way.

Give it to me.

Something borrowed.

It's been emotional.

Come on!

Call 911.

2nd squad, this is dispatch.

Good morning.

The stock market is down.
Layoffs are up.

Losers outnumber winners,
and that means just one thing...

crime is on the rise.

All units, 10-10 at 16 attorney,
shots fired.

911.

No, ma'am.
You want the fire department.

Oh, wait, the perp's on fire?

Y... yes,
I see how that's a head-scratcher.

Hold on.
Let me get my supervisor.

Ever wonder why prisons
have such pretty names?

What?

Soledad, Sing Sing, Joliet.

They all sound like spas.

We should make a rule,
you know?

You kill a guy, you go to agony dungeon
race-war state prison, you know?

Yeah, is there something you need?

Or are you just tired
of talking to yourself?

We got a case...
missing persons.

Oh. Case.

Which one is she?

S... s...
shut up. Shut up.

What is going on here?

Fistfight at the miss
Puerto Rico tryouts.

Hey!

Case, where you been?

I'm gonna start hanging
a bell around your neck.

Like a cow?
That is so sweet.

Come on.

Caught an armed robbery... pawnshop.

It was a man and a woman.

She was the boss, definitely.

Homeboy looked like he had
his brains in his butt.

Wore a necklace that said "Marvin."

Not Marvin.
You know the guy?

Is he a bald guy,
a little slow?

Yeah, that's him.
Very slow.

Yeah, that's him...
Marvin Bechamel.

"Born to be caught,"
we call him.

Ah.
What'd they take?

Necklace and some earrings.
Left the cash.

Oh, bad girl grabbed the
watch off this other woman.

Other woman?

Hispanic. Also very sexy.

Today was a good day
for ass in my house.

Nice.
Yeah.

Mama with the gun yoinked the watch,

said, "something borrowed,"
took off.

Hispanic chick chased
them out of the store.

All right, we're gonna need you
to come down to the station,

look at a few pictures.

Now?
Sure, thanks.

Yuval, get out here!

Excuse me.

I'm Detective Delahoy.
This is Detective Banks.

You want to tell us what happened?

I'm maria belzer.

My husband, Howard,
is very sick.

He has terminal brain cancer.

And this moron lost him.

We didn't lose him.

One of the orderlies said
that they saw howard leaving

this morning at around 5:15.

He's got a brain tumor,
you say?

Malignant, inoperable.

It was on his temporal lobe.

In the last three months,

Howard lost most of his memory
and his ability to speak.

I can't believe this.

We brought my husband to hospice
so he could die with dignity,

not out on the street like a hobo.

Okay. Hey, doctor...

Cook.

Dr. Cook,
with Howard as sick as he is,

how far do you think he could go?

Well, that's the problem.

15 minutes before Howard walked
out, I pronounced him dead.

Makes me sad to see
you here again, Marvin.

I didn't do nothing.

Look, here's a hint.

When you want to stop getting caught,

stop wearing the giant
necklace that says "Marvin."

There are a lot of Marvins in this city.

Not that many, actually.

Kind of like how you don't hear about
any Eleanors these days. Mm-Hmm.

Marvin...

Who's the girl?

If I was the guy that
robbed that pawnshop,

which I'm not,

I would never tell you.

That's really interesting,

'cause didn't that guy tell us

That he would crack like an egg?
Yeah.

He's a liar!
Oh, that's not all.

He also said that the pawnshop girl

would turn you in in a second.

No way. We're in love.

She's gonna marry me.

Congratulations.

We're talking about your
wedding here, buddy.

I mean, aren't you excited?

I mean, I kind of am.

How long have you been arresting me?

I've been nothing my
whole life... nobody.

Only girls that would even
look at me had neck hair

or one eye that didn't work right.

But this girl...
she's like cotton candy.

Oh, that is so beautiful.
What's her name?

Rose.
Rose.

I mean... Carmelita.

So, where does
Rose-I-mean-Carmelita live?

Marvin?

Marvin!

Come on, man.

I mean, you can do whatever
you want to me, Walsh.

But this girl...
she's my lucky day.

And I'm never gonna give her up.

Never.

All these chicks are ugly.

Where's the book with the hot chicks?

Howard Belzer.

"B" as in "breast,"
e- L-Z-E-R.

Last seen on Jefferson and Henry.

Look, so, the guy dies,
and then what?

What, he gets better?

I don't know.

I mean, you saw the hospice doctor.
She was 12.

Probably mispronounced him.
Happens all the time.

All the time?
How would you know?

I know things, Leo.

"The first sentence of the
books of Bokonon is this...

All the true things I'm about
to tell you are shameless lies."

What is that?
It's the book next to Howard's bed.

You know, I got curious.

I figure, guy gets to read
one last book before he dies.

You know,
why's he choose this one?

You stole the dude's book?

Hey, Banks, Delahoy.

Someone just called in
your missing person.

There's a disturbance at a key food,

Myrtle Avenue, Brooklyn.

And, Alvarez, in my office now!

What's happened to you? Uh, just
bumped my head getting out of the car.

Hey, grab your coat.

Weren't you wearing that yesterday?

Come on. We got a case.

What case?
No questions.

And don't tell anyone where we're going.

I don't know where we're going.

Whoa, that's her!
That's her! Stop!

What?

I... I just saw her...
the latina chick from the shop.

Which one?

Charley, she was just here.

Walsh!
Oh, Walsh, Shraeger.

You caught another robbery...
bridal shop.

This could be your girl.

Alvarez!

Damn, it's cold.

What was that back there?

Don't worry about it.

Are you hurt?

Look, we're looking for a female,
late 20s, brunette.

What did she do?

Held up a pawnshop on 16th street.

Walsh and Shraeger caught that case.

Well, we got to find
her before Walsh does.

Why?

Allison, wh...

Casey.

Walsh, I'm gonna...

Yeah, I'll...
Yeah.

I'll be in the car.

Is this a bad time?

Yeah, pretty bad.

Um, these are for you.

They're, uh, sego lilies, the, uh,
state flower of Utah.

That'd be really sweet
if I was a mormon.

Casey, please. I'm sorry about
last week. I was an idiot.

But you're gonna forgive me.
I am?

Yes, because I'm a good
guy and a good friend.

You don't have that many friends.

Also, I'm very tall.

Give me the stupid flowers.

Now you're gonna let me
take you out to dinner.

Why?

Because it's gonna be fun.
We'll go someplace expensive.

You can even order the lobster.

Okay, so, this would be...

A date?

Yes.

I'll make you a deal...

If you don't have a good time,
you can mace me.

I get off at 6:00.

Now go away.
Okay.

What's up, sarge?

People don't like you.

S... Sarge, I...
I'm not done.

If I made...
I'm not done.

If I could...
Not done. Shh, shh.

Can I just...
Shut up.

Okay.

You're not a team guy.

You think you're better
than everybody else.

Now, some cops can get away
with that kind of thing,

the whole lone-wolf thing...

Delahoy, for example, not you.

I had a lot of friends in high school.

Doubt it.

No.
You're... you're right.

Look, headquarters wants us to
hold a team-building exercise.

I told them I thought it was stupid.

But then I thought...
this is the perfect opportunity

for Ed Alvarez to learn what
being part of a team is.

So, you want me to participate in the...

No.

I want you to design the exercise.

I want you to show me
that you understand

what the true nature of team is.

I will not let you down.

What do you got?

Manager says this old guy stumbled in

about half an hour ago,
made a scene.

First I just thought the guy was stoned.

He was walking real slow,
kind of moaning.

How'd that happen?

It's kind of hard to describe.

Give it a shot.

Kid over there got it on video.

All right.

Excuse me.
What's your name?

Screw you.

Nice mouth.

You kiss your mother with that mouth?

Kissed yours last night.

Okay, face the chips.
Give me the phone.

Funnyman.

Eric.
Yeah?

This is not a missing person.

He's a zombie.

Hey, detectives.

How you doing?

Witness heard yelling,

saw a black male,
white female run out.

Female... she matches the
description of your suspect.

Thanks, appreciate it.
You got it.

Poor Marvin.

Wait till he finds out that
his fianc?e's cheating on him

with another felon.

You know what this is,
don't you? What?

It's a crime slut.

Crime slut?
Yeah, it's classic.

Girl tells a guy that
he's her only accomplice.

Meanwhile, she's pulling jobs
with half the guys in town.

Detectives.
Yeah?

Take a look at this.

What do you got?

It's a recording.

Report said the clerk's at
Bellevue with a fractured skull.

See, I wouldn't have
gone with the backless...

though it does look good on her.

I'll say.

So, Rose is going out with Marvin, huh?

Well, engaged,
according to him.

And we catch Marvin.

Which clearly she was
all broken up about.

And this morning she decides
to hit up a pawnshop,

steal some jewelry,

and then hit up a bridal store
and grab one of these dresses.

I think our crime slut is
trying to steal a wedding.

Howard Belzer, right.

I mean,
guy lives in the West Village.

Hospice is on Jefferson.

Wife said he grew up
in schenectady, right?

So why does he go to Brooklyn?

He's a zombie.

There's no "why."

He's sick, right?
He's got brain damage.

He's got no wallet.
He's got no keys.

Can't get on the subway without a card.

Can't get on a bus without cash.

So, even if he walks, all right,
why does he go to Brooklyn?

Listen to me carefully.

The only problem with chasing
a zombie is catching a zombie.

He's not a zombie.

You saw that footage...

the shuffle,
the moaning, the blood.

It was tomato juice, okay?

What is he,
a vegetarian zombie?

You know what?
I cannot deal with this right now.

2nd squad, this is dispatch.

Be on the lookout for a white
female and a black male,

both armed,

last seen exiting Klaire
Bishop dress shop on 16th.

Bridget Demopolis.

What?

Dispatch... that's her name.

Wait, how do you...

I know things.

Plus, I did a little research.
She's single.

Hey, listen, man,
when you sex her up,

have her talk dirty to
you through a tin can.

It really captures that dispatch flavor.

Why you got to make everything so ugly?

Detective beautiful.

Handsome Jim. Listen, we're
looking for a stick-up artist...

female, real looker.

I got 20 bucks for a name,
$50 for an address.

Yeah?
Who's the cub scout here?

He's my partner.
Can you help me?

Well, maybe if your partner's
got something to do.

I'm gonna get a dog.
You want something?

No, thank you.

You know, my daddy choked
to death on a hot dog once.

But I don't care. I'm not afraid.
You know what I mean?

'Cause I'm courageous.

Don't turn around.

Hey, looky here.

Detective Navan Henry Granger Cole.

Walk away, Frank.
My partner's back there.

She can't see...
Don't look!

Oh, punch a drunk.

Please tell me you hit that.
You hit that, right?

Leave, Frank.

$2.50.

Will you pay this man his money, Navan?

Walk away, Frank,
get out of the park,

and don't look back.

Hey, I took a look at this, uh,
this Detective Walsh

you've been telling me about.

Two words for you...
big girl.

Not even.
You just give me the word.

I know this jamaican fella.
He owes me a favor.

We'll make it look like an accident.

Now, what do you say?
Huh, what?

It's genius, right?
It's kung fu. Aah!

Absolutely not.
No, I hear you. I hear you.

Too many loose ends.

One of us should probably do it.

Walk away, Frank.
Walk away.

Rose trumble.
Got an address.

She squats on Plymouth.

You okay?
Yeah, I'm good.

Guy's just harassing somebody.

Marvin, we've got some bad news.

Your girl ain't your girl no more.
No way.

Yeah. Two hours ago...
your Rose and some black guy.

Boutique on orchard.

Stole a dress,
assaulted a clerk.

Looks like the wedding's still on.

Just not with you.

I don't buy it.

We cased that store together.

That was gonna be our dress.

Look, Marvin...

You're not a dumb guy.

You know what Rose is,
don't you?

Yeah.

She's a crime slut.

That's right.

Now you need to tell us where Rose is.

Rose Trumble.

She squats in an abandoned on Plymouth.

She was my lucky day.

Sorry about that, bud.

Walsh. Hey, Walsh.

It's not a good time, Eddie.

Yeah, sure, it's just that,

hey, look, uh,
you're good with the whole team thing.

And I'm supposed to be designing

This whole team-building exercise.

I'll go get the car.

Okay. All right.
Make it fast.

No, I just... you know,
if you had any pointers.

You ever been on a team, like,
you know, baseball, football?

Oh, yeah.
I was in the debate club.

No, Eddie.
A team, you know?

Like a group of people where
if someone gets in a fight,

everyone gets in a fight.

Yeah, see, the thing is,

Eddie Alvarez is more of a leader

Than a...
than a pack animal.

Eddie, come on, listen, man.

You... you can't lead a
team until you're in it.

Okay?
You got to be in it.

Myrtle Avenue.

How far could the guy go?
He was dead this morning.

Pickup for Brown, please.

Hey.

Where are we on the zombie thing?

He's not a zombie.
He's got cancer of the brain.

The last time anybody saw him,

he was at a key foods in Brooklyn.

That's a great book.

What, you read that?

Yeah, I had the A.P. english
in high school, you know.

Mostly period stuff,
heathcliff on the moors,

Et cetera, et cetera.

I don't know what that means.

On the surface, see,
it's about the end of the world.

But really it's about how
your family's not your family.

Who are they, then?

Uh, well,
technically they're your family, too.

But it's really the
people that you meet...

you know,
the ones that keep popping up.

Your friends,
your co-workers...

they're really your family.

It's a great book.

"The end will be the
same as the beginning."

The end will be the same as the
beginning. It's a fortune cookie.

You're looking for the meaning of life?

No, but I think I know why
Howard went to Brooklyn.

Okay.

I could never be a slut.

How do you know unless you try?

I just have no interest in
seeing that many penises.

Knock, knock.
Freeze.

Put your hands behind your head.
Get up.

Turn around.
Walk backwards towards me.

Okay.
Keep your hands behind your head.

All right, all right.

Clear.
We're clear.

What's your name?
Wiley.

Where's Rose?

Police! Don't move!

It's us! It's us.

What are you guys doing here?

We got a...
a tip on a gun.

Gun!

Watch him.
Stay down!

Too slow.

Damn it!

So, Wiley Probst.

Busted last year on an
insider-trading charge.

What are you doing with a loaded gun

in the middle of a robbery?

I don't know what you're talking about.

You know the clerk's in intensive
care with a broken skull.

Oh. Sorry.

Is this the guy?

I'll kill him.
No, Marvin!

She loves me, not you.

Get him out of here!
She loves me!

Get him out of here.
Not you, me!

She loves me!

Rose!

That was awkward.

Who the hell is that guy?

That was Rose's fianc?.

The jealous type.

Guess you guys can share a cell, maybe,
at rikers together.

Yeah, I can arrange that
for you if you'd like.

A nice little quiet spot
away from the guard station.

Please.
I'm just a stockbroker.

That crazy bitch ruined my life.

How's that?

Last year she saw an article
about my arrest in the paper,

wrote to me in prison.

Then she came to visit.

Hey...

you ever had conjugal trailer sex?

Dude, it is insane.

And then I get out.

She stops calling.
What the hell, right?

I spend six months going crazy.

Hottest girl in my life,
and she got away.

Then this morning I get a call.

She says she loves me.

She's been an idiot,
thinks we should get married.

But it has to be tonight.

Why tonight? I don't know.
She wouldn't tell me.

I swear to God,
I never meant to hurt anybody.

Okay.
Write it down.

Hi.

I'm the stupidest man alive.

So, that supermarket that Howard trashed

used to be an elementary
school in the '70s.

Yeah, so?
Yeah, so, I don't know.

But I went to family court in Brooklyn,
and guess what.

Howard Belzer didn't
used to be Howard Belzer.

He was Howard Feldman.

A jewish zombie.

Okay, he's not a zombie,
all right?

He's got a brain tumor.

So give the guy a little
dignity, okay? Okay.

Okay.
I'm sorry.

Anyway, Howard Feldman grew up

on Bedford Avenue in Brooklyn, right?

His parents were Nate and Cora Feldman.

Howard was a happy kid,
a good student,

until his parents died
when he was 8 years old...

got killed in a car crash.

A year later the Belzers adopted him,
moved to Schenectady.

So Howard...

is...

trying to...

go... home?

Back to happy-kid land.

You know, one more time before,
uh... before he dies.

Yeah, all right,
so... let's try to find an address.

All right?

Make her eyes more intense.

Hey.

Hey, that's her...
latina chick from the shop.

Hey, choir boy,
where's Beaumont?

Uh, chinese place,
picking up lunch.

Well, if she shows up,
you call me. Yeah.

Yeah, bye.

What's up?

Pawnbroker said a latina woman

was in the shop when it got robbed.

Crime slut stole her watch.

Does that look like, uh,
anyone you know?

It's Walsh's watch.

He lent it to me,
and I'm just trying to get it back.

Why so secretive?

Walsh is a reasonable guy.

You got robbed.
Just tell him.

I can't.

Why not?

Allison, the only way this job
works is if we trust each other.

I'm broke, okay?

I can't pay my rent,

my phone's turned off,

and my landlord's evicting me.

Why?

My pay's docked $1,500 a month.

It's, uh, from a civil case
from when I was on foot patrol.

Perp's neck got broke during an arrest.

It was an accident.

And the guy's fine now.
He's walking.

But I still have to pay.

And what's left over is
not enough to live on.

You should tell Walsh.

No.

Why not?

You're sleeping with Walsh.

Shraeger.

Hey, Walsh.

Uh, yeah, I'm on my way.

Okay.

You're not gonna tell him,
are you?

Look, she's in a lot of
trouble, Mrs. Trumble.

So we need you to tell us where Rose is.

Were you at all aware

that your daughter
was gonna get married?

Oh, that Rose.

She's such a silly little girl.

She'd do anything for her daddy.

Daddy?
My ex.

He's been in and out
of jail all her life.

Two days ago he got himself
sentenced to 25 to life.

He goes away tomorrow.

He told Rrose that all he
wants before he goes away

is to see her get married.

And Rose wants to make him happy.

Have you ever been married,
Detective Walsh?

No, ma'am.

Wedding night can be quite memorable.

Listen, we know that
rose dated a lot of guys.

But was there anyone in particular

that she would want to marry?

Rose?

That girl...
she's been using men all her life.

I don't know where she got it from.

Do you know where she is?

She was here about an hour ago.

She came in wanting one
of my old wedding dresses.

So the wedding's still on?

Tonight.

I guess now my question is, um,

do you know who the groom is?

Okay, everybody, listen up.

We got a possible on our stick-up team.

Looks like there's gonna
be a wedding tonight,

so I want everybody bright and shiny.

Now, there's not a lot of places to
get married in New York after dark.

But we found four chapels
that stay open late.

It could be a long night.

Also, we're not sure
who the groom is yet.

But our girl likes to write to inmates,

so we're checking with corrections.

So, Shraeger and Walsh will
cover the chapel in Soho.

Beaumont and Cole,
you're in little ltaly.

Banks and Delahoy, you take uptown.
No, no, we can't do it.

We're on our way to Brooklyn
for that missing-persons thing.

Yeah, yeah.

Uh, Donovan and Hancock,
you take spanish Harlem.

I'll head to Battery Park.

Now, remember,
our suspect busted a guy's skull

and fired on four police.

So be careful, please.

Hey, so, listen,
if you find her before...

I'll call.
Thanks.

Look alive!
Let's move out! Sarge!

Load 'em up,
load 'em up! Let's go!

Tell her I love her.
No.

Sarge!

I'm coming with you.

Don't you have a team-building
exercise to be working on?

Ah, trick question, right?

'Cause even Eddie Alvarez knows
that nothing strengthens a team

more than jackbooting a
wedding with a tactical unit,

putting a New York-style
hurt on the bride.

You're learning.

Where is it?

I don't know.

Should be here.

They must have put a park
over howard's old house.

This is crazy.

You said yourself,
the guy's got brain damage.

Oh. 10 miles between the
elementary school and the house.

Walking at a shuffle,

he'll be here in about an hour or so.

Listen, we got patrol cars circling.

If he's out there,
they'll find him.

Hey, listen, man,
you go back. I'll stay.

It's all right, really.

Right, and I'm supposed to, what,
leave you here?

I called the hub.

And, uh,
bridget gets off work at around 7:00.

You take the car.
Huh?

You hurry,
you can make it there in time.

Dude, please,
ask her out already, okay,

before you get struck by lightning

or, you know,
a piano falls on your head.

Okay.

You need anything,
you call me, all right?

All right.

I just hope they make
antibacterial condoms.

Good luck.

Since we've been sitting here,

365 kids have been born in China.

If you chip

you drop 40 I.Q. points.

Oh, God.

Hey, we're gonna be sitting
here all night, right? Probably.

Both of us don't have to sit in the car.
What do you mean?

Well, one of us...

the one of us that could
be on a date right now...

could potentially go enjoy a
scintillating uzbeki dinner

while watching the
chapel across the street.

You want to go out on a stakeout date?

Is that so wrong?

No. But... whatever.

No, it's good.

Just maybe just get me a
cheeseburger or something,

if they have... pick...
and pickles! Pickles!

I love pickles.

You know,
you can tell me anything.

I know.

I don't judge.
It's not christian.

This case just proves
that everything stupid

anyone ever did in
life they did for love.

He likes you.

Who?
Jason.

He likes you. I can tell.

Oh, Henry Cole,

you really are a badass detective.

Can I sit here?

Sure.

Or, no. Oh, no, no.

Actually, let's sit in this, uh, seat.

This is better.

Better view.

All right. Okay.

There... there you go.

Thank you.
You're welcome.

Uh... you didn't want to
go to Nobu or something?

Oh, no, no, no.

Who wants to go eat ritzy
sushi and watch celebrities

when you can enjoy authentic lagman

from the central plains
of outer Mongolia?

I hear you.

So, uh, busy day?
Always.

I had a promiscuous woman
with a wedding fetish

try to murder me with a shotgun.

Casey.
I'm still here, though.

You know what looks really good?
The oolag.

Actually, I'm curious.

How did you know you wanted to be a cop?

Well, I always loved doughnuts, and...

uh, what about you?

Come from money?
Rich kid?

No, my dad's a mailman in Pittsburgh.

I have six brothers.

Three of them are truckers.

So, how come you always,
you know, look so...

What? Well-educated?
Well-dressed?

Come on, don't be a snob.

The elevator goes both ways.

Oh, crap.

What?

No, no, no, no.

I have to go.

I don't understand.

I'm working.
I thought I could do both.

Uh, Casey?

Call me Jonah.
My parents did, or nearly did.

They called me john.

I was a christian then.

I'm a bokononist now.

We bokononists believe

that humanity is organized into teams...

Dearly beloved,

we are gathered here today
in the eyes of God...

Teams that do God's will

without ever discovering
what they are doing.

All right, she's armed,
she's dangerous,

and she's desperate to get married.

Let's go.

Such a team is called a karass.

If you find your life tangled
up with someone else's life...

that person may be a
member of your karass.

Around back.
Yeah.

Nowhere does bokonon
warn against a person's

trying to discover the
limits of his karass.

But such investigations
are bound to be incomplete.

As bokonon tells us,

anyone who thinks he sees
what God is doing is a fool.

Hey.

Remember me?

Oh!

Hello.

What's this?

"Hi, my name is Leo."

That's funny.
I'm a leo, too... August 5th.

"You are very beautiful."

Oh, Leo.

You're gonna make me blush.

"Maybe we can go out sometime."

Oh, wait,
are you asking me on a date?

Oh, I don't know.

You don't talk very much.

But then again,
I talk all the time.

I talk in my sleep,
so I've been told.

I even laugh in my sleep.

Did you ever know anyone
who laughs in their sleep?

You know,
I really like your vest.

Yeah, I think you and I are
gonna get along famously.

Hi.
Hi.

I hope you like rugelach.

You came all the way over here
to bring me a jewish pastry?

No, stupid.

I came all the way over
here to have sex with you.

Oh, uh, right.

Get out of my way.
Yeah.

Okay.

What a day.

You have no idea.

You sure?

Mm... yeah.

I lied to you.

There was no gun tip.

I was in the pawnshop this morning

because I'm broke.

I can't pay my rent.

So I was selling my jewelry

and the crime slut came in
and she took your watch.

Well, that's okay...

'Cause I knew.

You knew?
Yeah, I'm not an idiot.

Pawnbroker says he sees a
latina woman run after the perp,

then a few hours later
sees her in the precinct?

Plus, at the crime slut's warehouse,

you weren't wearing a watch.

I am a trained detective.

I know it seems like I
have it all together,

but I just... I don't.

Wait, are you...
are you apologizing for being human?

Is that what you're doing?
No. I...

Because I got news for you.

If I wanted shallow and uncomplicated,

I'd date that newscaster again.

I like girls with secrets.

I like girls who lie.

How can you trust someone
who doesn't have secrets?

I have secrets.

You do?

Yeah.

And, um... and I can lie.

Take off your clothes and get in my bed.

Mr. Belzer.

Mr. Belzer?

Mr. Belzer,
my name's Eric.

I'm a... I'm a...
I'm a police detective.

I'm here to help you.

Mr. Belzer, your wife...

she's very concerned about you...

your friends.

The doctor said you died.

You know, I was just wondering,
what was that like?

I... I ask you because, uh...

because they tell me I got
one of those things, too,

you know, in my head.

I just needed to know...

Was it painful?

Was it slow?

Any advice,
anything you can tell me...

anything at all, all right,

I would really,
uh... I would really appreciate it.

Push.

What?

Push through it?
What?

What, have a positive attitude?
What?

Push!

Oh.

Yeah, all right.

The thing is, you know,
you got a family.

You know, you got people that
care about you, you know?

I don't...
I don't have anything.

I don't even have a cat.

I just don't want to end
up in some hospital bed

with no memory, you know, no...

Nobody that cares.