The Twilight Zone (1959–1964): Season 5, Episode 32 - Mr. Garrity and the Graves - full transcript
Mr. Garrity comes into town offering to resurrect the dead and reunite the townsfolk with their departed loved ones out of the goodness of his heart. Do the town-folks want these miracles to occur?
YOU UNLOCK THIS DOOR
WITH THE KEY OF IMAGINATION.
BEYOND IT IS
ANOTHER DIMENSION...
A DIMENSION OF SOUND,
A DIMENSION OF SIGHT,
A DIMENSION OF MIND.
YOU'RE MOVING INTO A LAND OF
BOTH SHADOW AND SUBSTANCE,
OF THINGS AND IDEAS.
YOU'VE JUST CROSSED
OVER INTO THE TWILIGHT ZONE.
WHOA.
WHAT'S YOUR PLEASURE, SIR?
COLD BEER.
COLD BEER, SHE IS.
THAT'LL BE A NICKEL.
IT'S A LOVELY LITTLE TOWN.
WHAT'S THAT?
I WAS JUST REMARKING
ABOUT YOUR TOWN.
IT'S A BEAUTIFUL, PEACEFUL
LITTLE PLACE YOU'VE GOT HERE.
IT'S THE NAME THAT
REALLY GETS ME.
HAPPINESS, ARIZONA.
YEAH, THAT'S WHAT
SHE'S CALLED...
HAPPINESS, ARIZONA.
LET'S SEE, SHE'S
BEEN CALLED THAT
ABOUT TEN MONTHS NOW.
OH! WHAT WAS SHE
CALLED BEFORE THAT?
CALLED BEFORE THAT?
OH, VARIOUS THINGS.
SATAN'S STAGE STOP.
DEAD MAN'S JUNCTION.
BOOTHILL VILLAGE...
YOU PASSED IT.
BOOTHILL TOWN CEMETERY.
128 PEOPLE BURIED THERE.
EVERY ONE OF THEM SHOT TO DEATH
EXCEPT ONE WHO DIED
OF NATURAL CAUSES.
WELL, THAT'S LIFE.
AH, THIS TOWN WASN'T
A FIT PLACE TO LIVE IN.
WASN'T A NIGHT
YOU WOULDN'T HAVE TO
STEP OVER A DEAD BODY.
THAT A FACT?
ALL OF THEM
SHOOTING EVERY NIGHT.
THERE WERE MORE
CITIZENS BITING THE DUST
THAN THERE WAS
ATTENDING SUNDAY SERVICES.
AH, DO TELL.
AND THEN, DO YOU
KNOW WHAT HAPPENED?
I CAN'T EVEN BEGIN TO GUESS.
EXACTLY... TOWN
TOOK STOCK OF ITSELF.
GOT ITSELF A REAL
EFFECTIVE SHERIFF.
PUT THE KIBOSH ON FIREARMS.
BUILT ITSELF A JAIL AND A
GALLOWS, ENFORCED THE LAW.
NEXT THING YOU KNOW...
HAPPINESS, ARIZONA!
HAPPINESS, ARIZONA!
WHERE A MAN CAN
WALK DOWN THE STREET
AND HAVE HIMSELF A DRINK
WITHOUT HAVING TO
CHECK THE MIRROR
AND SEE WHO'S GUNNING AFTER HIM.
NOW, THAT'S PROGRESS, MISTER.
WELL, IT'S THIS KIND OF THING
THAT KIND OF BRINGS
TEARS TO MY EYES.
OH, NOW, YOU DON'T
HAVE TO BE SCARED
TO SHOW ANY EMOTION, SIR.
I KNOW THE FEELING.
BEEN LIVING WITH
KILLING AND VIOLENCE
ALL YOUR LIFE, AND THEN SUDDENLY
IT'S KIND OF LIKE...
IT'S KIND OF LIKE THE SUN
COMING OVER A DARK CLOUD
AND SHINING ON YOU WITH ITS
WARM RAYS OF BENEFICENCE.
I DO A LITTLE PREACHING
ON THE SIDE TOO.
WHAT'S YOUR LINE, SIR?
MY... MY LINE?
WHAT DO YOU DO?
I'M ON THE ROAD A
GOOD DEAL OF THE TIME.
SELLING!
IN A MANNER OF SPEAKING.
SERVICES ARE MY SUPPLY.
SERVICES?
WELL, WHAT SORT OF SERVICES?
MAYBE I CAN THROW A
LITTLE BUSINESS YOUR WAY.
YOU MIGHT AT THAT.
THIS IS A TOWN
THAT COULD USE ME.
WHAT SORT OF
SERVICES YOU SUPPLYING?
I BRING BACK THE DEAD.
INTRODUCING MR. JARED GARRITY,
A GENTLEMAN OF COMMERCE
WHO IN THE LATTER HALF OF
THE 19th CENTURY PLIED HIS TRADE
IN THE WILD AND
WOOLY HINTERLANDS
OF THE AMERICAN WEST.
AND MR. GARRITY, IF
ONE CAN BELIEVE HIM,
IS A RESURRECTOR OF THE
DEAD, WHICH ON THE FACE OF IT
CERTAINLY SOUNDS LIKE
THE BULL IS OFF THE NICKEL.
BUT TO THE SCOFFERS AMONGST YOU,
AND YOU LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN FROM MISSOURI,
DON'T LAUGH THIS
ONE OFF ENTIRELY,
AT LEAST UNTIL YOU'VE SEEN A
SAMPLE OF MR. GARRITY'S WARES
AND AN EXAMPLE OF HIS SERVICES.
THE PLACE IS HAPPINESS, ARIZONA,
THE TIME ABOUT 1890,
AND YOU AND I HAVE JUST ENTERED
A SALOON WHERE THE BAR WHISKEY
IS BREWED, BOTTLED AND
DELIVERED FROM THE TWILIGHT ZONE.
WHAT'D HE SAY HIS NAME WAS?
HE DIDN'T SAY.
HE'S GOT A SIGN ON HIS WAGON.
IT SAYS GARRITY.
THAT COULD BE HIS NAME.
BY GOLLY, THAT'S DEDUCTION.
YOU KNOW WHY WE
GOT LAW AND ORDER
IN THIS TOWN?
BECAUSE WE'VE GOT A SHERIFF
THAT USES SCIENTIFIC DEDUCTION.
I WISH I'D THOUGHT OF THAT.
YOU KNOW, IF YOU DON'T
KNOW A FELLA'S NAME,
YOU JUST LOOK AT HIS WAGON.
WELL, NOW, THAT'S
REALLY NO GREAT SHAKE
OF A DEDUCTION, LAPHAM,
BUT IT DOES POINT UP THE FACT
YOU CAN'T STOP
THINKING ON THIS JOB.
IT'S REALLY KIND OF A THINK,
THINK, THINK PROPOSITION.
NOW SOME MEN DEPEND
ON THIS ALL THE TIME
WHEN THEY SHOULD BE
USING THE OLD... THE OLD BEAN.
BY GOLLY, NOBODY
COULD BE RIGHTER.
AND WHEN YOU USE THE
HEAD INSTEAD OF THE GUN,
YOU SAVE MONEY ON BULLETS
AND BURIALS AND LABOR.
NOW HE SAID WHAT TO YOU, JENSEN?
Jensen: OH, HE SAID HE
COULD BRING BACK THE DEAD.
WELL, THAT'S WHAT
HE SAID HIS LINE WAS...
"BRINGING BACK THE DEAD."
TELL YOU, I ALMOST
KEELED BACK IN MY TRACKS.
BRING BACK THE
DEAD, I'M THINKING.
WELL, HE'S EITHER A LUNATIC
OR HE'S TRYING TO GULL ME.
THAT'S WHEN I RAN
OVER TO YOUR OFFICE
AND GOT YOU, SHERIFF.
YEAH, AND WHEN WE COME
BACK, HE DONE AND LEFT TOWN.
HE PROBABLY FIGURED YOU'D
GONE AFTER THE SHERIFF
AND DECIDED TO GET OUT OF TOWN.
BY GOLLY, THAT'S GOOD
REASONING, SHERIFF.
THAT'S JUST WHAT HE DONE.
HE'S OBVIOUSLY SOME
SORT OF A CON MAN.
AND WHEN HE SAW JENSEN
HERE LEAVE THE SALOON,
HE KNEW HE WAS
GOING FOR THE LAWMAN.
SO, UH, HE FELT
HE WAS IN TROUBLE,
AND HE GOT OUT OF TOWN.
NOW THAT'S A VERY
FINE PIECE OF DEDUCTION.
EXCEPT HOWS COME
HE LEFT HIS WAGON?
GOOBERMAN, YOU'RE A VERY
EMBARRASSING MAN TO HAVE AROUND.
WHY DO YOU WANT TO ASK
A QUESTION LIKE THAT FOR?
"HOWS COME HE LEFT HIS WAGON?"
"HOWS COME HE LEFT HIS WAGON?"
HOW COME HE DID LEAVE HIS WAGON?
SHERIFF?
WAY I FIGURE IT,
HE PROBABLY DIDN'T GET
OUT OF TOWN AFTER ALL.
THE WAY I FIGURE IT,
HE PROBABLY CHECKED INTO
THE HOTEL OR SOMETHING.
BY GOLLY, SHERIFF,
YOU'RE EXACTLY RIGHT.
THAT'S JUST WHAT HE DONE.
YOU'VE GOT A JOB HERE
FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE
IF I'VE GOT ANYTHING
TO DO WITH IT.
JENSEN, GIVE THE
SHERIFF A DRINK ON ME.
YOU'RE A REAL SPORT, LAPHAM.
THAT'S REAL KIND OF YOU,
LAPHAM, REAL KIND OF YOU.
REAL KIND OF YOU.
HERE'S TO LAPHAM.
SHERIFF.
YOU'RE, UH...
YOU'RE MR. GARRITY?
THAT'S MY FAMILY NAME.
IS THAT YOUR WAGON OUTSIDE?
YEP, THAT'S MY WAGON.
SAYS GARRITY ON IT?
THAT'S MY FAMILY NAME.
WELL, MR. JENSEN HERE SAYS
THAT YOU BRING BACK THE DEAD.
NOW, THAT'S A FIGURE
OF SPEECH, AIN'T IT?
YOU DON'T ACTUALLY
BRING BACK THE DEAD.
ON THE CONTRARY, THAT'S EXACTLY
WHAT I DO... BRING BACK THE DEAD.
WELL, NOW, YOU
WOULDN'T MIND TELLING US
HOW YOU GO ABOUT
DOING THIS, WOULD YOU?
WELL, NOW, SHERIFF,
NO OFFENSE...
UH, BARTENDER, PLEASE...
BUT IT'S KIND OF LIKE A
PROFESSIONAL TRADE SECRET
KIND OF LIKE A MAGICIAN.
NOW, HE DOESN'T TELL
HOW HE DOES HIS TRICKS
AND I DON'T TELL HOW I
BRING BACK THE DEAD...
BUT I DO.
THE FACT IS, I HEARD
ABOUT YOUR TOWN HERE.
128 DEAD IN BOOTHILL UP THERE.
HAPPINESS, ARIZONA,
WITH THE BIGGEST
CEMETERY WEST OF CHICAGO
AND ALL OF THEM
DEPARTING THE EARTH
WITH UNSPEAKABLE VIOLENCE.
ALL BUT ONE.
AND THAT WAS MY
DEAR WIFE, ZELDA,
REST HER SOUL.
A FINE HEALTHY STRAPPING
WOMAN OF 247 POUNDS,
BUT NOT UNATTRACTIVE, MIND YOU,
AND SUDDENLY I LOST HER.
AND THAT'S WHY I DRINK...
FROM A BROKEN HEART.
HOW MUCH LOSS CAN A MAN STAND?
Man: KILLED HIM, POOR LITTLE
TYKE, RAN RIGHT UNDER MY WAGON.
MUST HAVE STRUCK HIM
ALONGSIDE OF THE HEAD.
HASN'T GOT A MARK ON
HIM, BUT HE'S SURE DEAD.
WELL, IT'S ACCIDENTAL
ANIMAL HOMICIDE.
WELL, THAT'S DECENT
OF YOU, SHERIFF.
NO FINE OR NOTHING?
NO FINE.
YOU OBVIOUSLY COULDN'T HELP IT.
ANYBODY KNOW WHO
THE DOG BELONGS TO?
STRAY IS WHAT IT IS.
I NEVER SEEN IT BEFORE.
Man: I'LL TAKE HIM
OUT AND BURY HIM.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!
THE PROOF OF THE
PUDDING IS IN THE EATING
AND THE PROOF OF THE
SERVICE IS IN THE PERFORMING.
HALLELUJAH!
NOW THAT DOG IS
CERTAINLY DEAD, IS IT NOT?
AND GENTLEMEN, I SHALL RETURN IT
TO THE LAND OF THE LIVING.
I SHALL RESURRECT THAT DOG.
NOW, PLEASE, STAND
BACK ALL OF YOU.
OH, I WANT TO ASK YOU ONE THING.
IN ORDER THAT I MIGHT
PERFORM THE OPERATION
COMPLETELY AND SATISFACTORILY,
WOULD YOU ALL TURN AROUND
SO THAT YOU'RE NOT WATCHING ME.
IF YOU DON'T MIND, PLEASE.
EUREKA!
Garrity: OH, YOU GOOD DOG.
OH, YOU GOOD DOG!
THERE WE GO.
LOOK AT HIM GO!
MY DEAR FRIENDS,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
CITIZENRY OF HAPPINESS, ARIZONA,
IT IS WITH NO SMALL
DEGREE OF PLEASURE
THAT I STAND HERE
ON THIS QUAINT
PICTURESQUE MAIN STREET
PERFORMING WHAT I
MIGHT MODESTLY CLAIM
AS AN ACCOMPLISHMENT
OF SOME DIMENSION.
AS YOU HAVE ALL SEEN,
I HAVE JUST BROUGHT
A DOG BACK TO LIFE.
IT'S DEVIL'S WORK!
BLACK MAGIC IS WHAT IT IS.
IT IS NOT BLACK MAGIC
AND NOT DEVIL'S WORK.
IT IS THE APPLICATION
OF SCIENTIFIC PRINCIPLES
WHICH I HAVE PICKED
UP OVER THE YEARS
WHILE TRAVELING EXCLUSIVELY
IN THE HIMALAYAN MOUNTAINS.
WHAT I DID FOR THAT DOG I
CAN DO FOR YOUR LOVED ONES...
MAY THEIR SOULS REST
IN PEACE... MOMENTARILY.
YOU MEAN, YOU CAN
BRING BACK MY ZELDA?
AND MY FORMER PARTNER?
AND MY LATE HUSBAND?
TONIGHT, DEAR FRIENDS,
TONIGHT AT MIDNIGHT,
HAPPINESS WILL REIGN
IN HAPPINESS, ARIZONA.
THE DEAD WILL BE
RETURNED TO YOU.
H-HE'S STILL UP AT THE CEMETERY.
HE'S BEEN THERE FOUR HOURS NOW.
THAT PLACE FREEZES
MY INSIDES AT HIGH NOON
WITH THE SUN SHINING DOWN.
IMAGINE HOW IT IS AFTER DARK.
I DON'T LIKE THE PROCEEDINGS.
I BELIEVE WHEN YOU'RE
DEAD, YOU'RE DEAD.
IMAGINE MY LITTLE
BLOSSOM, MY OWN ZELDA.
ALL THOSE LONELY
DAYS AND LONELY WEEKS
AND TONIGHT AT MIDNIGHT,
SHE COMES BACK TO ME.
GOOD EVENING, GENTLEMEN.
GOOD EVENING TO YOU ALL.
WHISKEY, PLEASE.
YOU KNOW, THE COSMIC
IMPULSES TONIGHT ARE INCREDIBLE.
ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE!
I HAVE JUST BEEN UP ON BOOTHILL.
ALL FINISHED UP THERE NOW?
ALL FINISHED.
NOW THEY'LL ALL COME
FILING DOWN ANY MOMENT NOW.
AHEAD OF SCHEDULE, TOO.
I HADN'T GONE FIVE
MINUTES INTO THE CEREMONY
BEFORE THE EARTH
STARTED TO HEAVE.
SOME MIGHTY ANXIOUS
FOLKS UP THERE.
MIGHTY ANXIOUS.
AH, BUT IT'D DO YOUR HEART GOOD
TO SEE THEM WIGGLING AROUND
UNDER THE SOD, JUST
LIKE SOME HAPPY COLTS
RARING TO FACE LIFE AGAIN.
THAT'S YOUR BELOVED BROTHER,
ISN'T IT, MR. JENSEN?
UH, JOHN, HE WAS KILLED
BY ACCIDENT LAST MARCH.
WE HAD A GUNFIGHT IN HERE
AND HE GOT HIT BY A STRAY BULLET.
THE SAME SIZE AND SHAPE AS YOU
WITH A KIND OF A LIMP?
UH... HOW DID YOU KNOW?
YOUR BROTHER WAS THE
LAST MAN BURIED, MR. JENSEN,
AND THE LAST BURIED
ARE THE FIRST ONES
WHO'LL BE COMING BACK DOWN.
COMING BACK DOWN?
HA! I BELIEVE THAT'S
HIM COMING NOW.
MR. JENSEN...
IT'S YOUR OWN
BELOVED BROTHER JOHN
AND A MORE DECENT,
HONORABLE CITIZEN
NEVER PULLED A CORK
FROM A BOTTLE, SO I'M TOLD.
MR. GARRITY, HE WAS A
LOWDOWN THIEVING SKUNK.
HE SPENT MORE TIME TAPPING
THE TILL AND STEALING WHISKEY
THAN HE DID WAITING
ON CUSTOMERS.
YOU DISHONOR THE MAN.
AND HERE HE RETURNS
TO YOU FROM THE GRAVE.
AND AFTER THAT UNFORTUNATE,
ACCIDENTAL BULLET
THAT CAUGHT HIM BETWEEN
THE SHOULDER BLADES.
MR. GARRITY.
WHAT DO YOU CHARGE
TO BRING BACK THESE DEAD PEOPLE?
ROOM AND BOARD, BUT MY
MAJOR SOURCE OF INCOME
IS THE PLEASURE I DERIVE
BRINGING HAPPINESS
TO MY FELLOW MAN.
WELL, HOW WOULD
YOU LIKE TO INCREASE
THAT SOURCE OF INCOME?
YOU'LL HAVE TO
SPEAK A BIT PLAINER.
WHAT WOULD IT TAKE TO
PUT MY BROTHER BACK?
NO, THAT WOULD BE A
DIFFICULT PROCEDURE.
YOU SEE, MR. JENSEN,
AFTER THE RESURRECTION
HAS TAKEN PLACE
IT REQUIRES A MAXIMUM EFFORT
TO MAKE THEM DIE ALL OVER AGAIN.
WELL, WOULD $100
HELP THE EFFORT?
SHALL WE SAY $1,000?
WELL, WHAT DOES 500 DO FOR YOU?
IT WARMS ME A LITTLE
BUT I STILL FEEL DRAFTY.
LET'S SETTLE FOR,
UH... 750, SHALL WE?
IT'S A DEAL.
HE DISAPPEARED!
HE JUST PLAIN DISAPPEARED!
HE CAME WALKING TOWARDS US
AND I WOULD HAVE BET MONEY
IT WAS YOUR BROTHER JOHN.
AND HE WAS WALKING TOWARDS US
AND THEN HE PLUMB DISAPPEARED!
THAT'S LIFE.
BUT NOW DON'T FRET, FRIENDS.
HE'LL BE FOLLOWED
BY ALL THE OTHERS.
ALL THE OTHERS?
INCLUDING YOUR BELOVED WIFE.
YOUR LONELY HOURS ARE OVER.
YOUR ZELDA WILL
SOON BE BACK WITH YOU
TO BRING BACK
YOUR PEACE OF MIND.
NO DISRESPECT, UH...
WHAT I MEAN IS THAT ZELDA WAS
THE FLOWER OF ALL WOMANHOOD
BUT ON SIX DIFFERENT OCCASIONS
SHE BROKE MY LEFT ARM AND
THIS POOR THING WAS IN A CAST
SO MANY TIMES THAT
I DEVELOPED A LIST.
YOUR POINT, MR. GOOBERMAN.
OH, I WOULD HATE TO
DISTURB ZELDA'S REST
SO HOW MUCH WOULD IT
COST TO PUT HER BACK?
OH, THAT'S A DIFFICULT
ASSIGNMENT, MR. GOOBERMAN.
UH... $500.
FOR ME IT WAS $750!
I'M ASHAMED.
I'M TRULY ASHAMED.
YOUR OWN DEAR BROTHER.
AND YOU, GOOBERMAN,
YOUR DEAR WIFE.
AS A PUBLIC OFFICIAL OF THIS
TOWN, I APOLOGIZE FOR THESE MEN.
I AM HUMILIATED.
NOTHING LESS THAN HUMILIATED!
I DON'T BLAME
YOU A BIT, SHERIFF.
AND I COULD PERCEIVE IMMEDIATELY
THAT YOU'RE MADE
OF STERNER STUFF.
YOU'RE NOT QUAKING IN YOUR BOOTS
BECAUSE LIGHTNING PETERSON
WILL BE ONE OF THE DEPARTED
RETURNING THIS NIGHT.
LIGHTNING PETERSON!
YOU KILLED HIM YOURSELF,
DIDN'T YOU, SHERIFF?
HE WAS THE FASTEST
GUN IN THE TERRITORY.
BALDERDASH.
I SAY BALDERDASH!
"LIGHTNING" PETERSON.
YOU KILLED HIM ONCE, SHERIFF,
IN AN HONEST SHOWDOWN
AND IF HE HASN'T
LEARNED FROM THAT
WELL, YOU CAN DO IT AGAIN.
SOMETHING, SHERIFF?
YOU'RE GOING TO
RESURRECT THAT GUNMAN?
WELL, IT WAS A MASS OPERATION.
AS A MATTER OF FACT, SHERIFF,
IT WILL GIVE YOU A
MARVELOUS OPPORTUNITY
TO DISPEL THOSE
UGLY RUMORS I HEARD
THAT YOU ACTUALLY SHOT
PETERSON IN THE BACK...
LATE AT NIGHT...
WHEN HE WAS ALONE AND UNARMED
AND YOU HAD SIX DEPUTIES
ALONGSIDE OF YOU.
SEVEN.
NOW, I KNOW THAT YOU FACED
UP TO HIM IN BROAD DAYLIGHT
BUT THIS WILL GIVE YOU AN
OPPORTUNITY TO SHOOT HIM DOWN,
IF NEED BE, FACE-TO-FACE.
WELL, NOW, THE
FACT IS, MR. GARRITY,
I DON'T THINK THAT PETERSON
SHOULD BE RESURRECTED.
ACTUALLY... HE'S A
MENACE TO SOCIETY.
THE FACT IS, SHERIFF...
HE'S ALREADY ON HIS WAY DOWN.
I DON'T MIND FACING UP TO HIM
BUT WHY GO TO ALL THAT TROUBLE?
UH... WOULD, UH, YOU THINK $500
WOULD KEEP HIM BACK UP THERE?
LIGHTNING PETERSON?
YOU DO HIM AN
INJUSTICE, SHERIFF.
HE WAS QUITE A LAD WITH THE GUN
AND MIGHTY ACTIVE AT THAT.
NO, NO, NO, THIS
WILL BE A $1,200 JOB.
SOLD.
JENSEN, A WHOLE BOTTLE PLEASE.
HAPPEN TO SEE A SCRAWNY
LITTLE MAN OUT THERE,
KINDA GIMLET-EYED.
HIS NAME?
PERKINS. EPHRAIM PERKINS.
RELATIVE? EX-HUSBAND.
AND NO TIGHTER MAN EVER
SQUEEZED A SILVER DOLLAR.
AND THE THING OF IT
IS, I'M MARRIED AGAIN.
AND IF THE TRUTH BE KNOWN,
I NEVER DID CARE FOR
EPHRAIM WHILE HE WAS LIVING
AND I DON'T SEE WHY I SHOULD
GO THROUGH IT ALL AGAIN.
WHAT WOULD I DO
WITH TWO HUSBANDS?
A HUNDRED DOLLARS?
FIVE, MADAM.
FIVE? MM.
MY FATHER-IN-LAW...
MY FATHER-IN-LAW'S A BIG MAN,
ASKED TO BE BURIED
WITH A BULLWHIP.
THERE'S JUST NO
REASON WHY HE SHOULD...
NO, NO, NO.
OH, THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
MY WIFE LOOKED VERY PRETTY
WHEN SHE WAS BURIED.
COULDN'T WE KEEP HER THAT WAY?
FIVE.
FIVE.
THE REST OF YOU JUST
PUT YOUR NAMES HERE.
THE AMOUNT'S $500.
THANK YOU.
FIVE.
WHOA.
COME ON, BOY!
COME ON, SPOT, COME ON!
COME ON, SPOT, COME HERE!
OH, YOU NICE, NICE PUPPY.
OH, YOU'RE A NICE DOG.
I GOT A BIG BONE IN
THE WAGON FOR YOU.
YOUR REWARD FOR PLAYING DEAD.
YOU'RE LATE!
OH, ACE, I COULDN'T HELP IT.
THIS TOWN IS THE RIPEST
PEAR WE EVER PLUCKED.
THEY COULDN'T GET RID OF
THEIR MONEYBAGS FAST ENOUGH.
WHAT WAS THE TAKE?
CONSIDERABLY MORE THAN YOU
EARNED ON THE STAGE, DEAR BOY.
PLAYED MY PART UNCOMMONLY WELL.
UNCOMMONLY.
I'VE BEEN CHECKING
OVER THE ITINERARY.
OUR NEXT STOP IS TUCSON.
WE'LL GET A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP,
YOU GO IN THERE IN THE
MORNING, GET A LINE ON THE PLACE.
WE'LL SEE WHICH OF
THE DEAR DEPARTED
YOU CAN IMITATE TOMORROW NIGHT.
REAL SORRY, FRIENDS,
THAT I COULDN'T PERFORM
WHAT I LAID CLAIM TO,
SO REST IN PEACE, ALL OF YOU.
LET'S GO.
OLD SPOT, NOW COME ON OVER HERE.
THERE YOU GO.
YOU SIT HERE.
THE MAN DON'T DO
HIMSELF JUSTICE.
THE ACTOR THAT PLAYED
YOU WASN'T WORTH A DARN.
BUT THAT THERE GARRITY
SURE CAN DO A JOB
OF RESURRECTING.
I CAN'T WAIT TO GET
BACK INTO TOWN.
I'VE GOT A LOT OF
DRINKING TO CATCH UP WITH.
THERE'S A YELLOW
SKUNK OF A SHERIFF
I AIM TO SETTLE A
SCORE WITH, TOO.
AND THERE'S A LITTLE PIPSQUEAK
OF A SOT JUST WAITING
TO GET HIS ARM BROKE
AND I'M JUST THE
GAL THAT CAN DO IT
OR MY NAME AIN'T
ZELDA GOOBERMAN.
EXIT MR. GARRITY, A
WOULD-BE CHARLATAN,
A MAKE-BELIEVE CON MAN
AND A SAD MISJUDGER
OF HIS OWN TALENTS.
RESPECTFULLY SUBMITTED
FROM AN EMPTY CEMETERY
ON A DARK HILLSIDE
THAT IS ONE OF THE SLOPES
LEADING TO THE TWILIGHT ZONE.
AND NOW, MR. SERLING.
THE SUBJECT NEXT
TIME IS AUTOMATION.
OUR AREA OF CONCERN:
THE REPLACEMENT
OF MEN BY MACHINES.
IT HAPPENS TO BE NOT ONLY A
CURRENT INDUSTRIAL PHENOMENON
BUT POTENTIALLY A
SIZABLE CAN OF PEAS,
THAT, ONCE OPENED,
CARRIES WITH IT
SOME VERY SPECIAL
STORY MATERIAL.
ON THE TWILIGHT ZONE NEXT
TIME, WE OPEN THAT CAN OF PEAS
AND PRESENT A BATTLE BETWEEN
THE MEN AND THE MACHINES.
RICHARD DEACON AND
PAUL NEWLAN STAR IN
"THE BRAIN CENTER AT WHIPPLE'S."
WITH THE KEY OF IMAGINATION.
BEYOND IT IS
ANOTHER DIMENSION...
A DIMENSION OF SOUND,
A DIMENSION OF SIGHT,
A DIMENSION OF MIND.
YOU'RE MOVING INTO A LAND OF
BOTH SHADOW AND SUBSTANCE,
OF THINGS AND IDEAS.
YOU'VE JUST CROSSED
OVER INTO THE TWILIGHT ZONE.
WHOA.
WHAT'S YOUR PLEASURE, SIR?
COLD BEER.
COLD BEER, SHE IS.
THAT'LL BE A NICKEL.
IT'S A LOVELY LITTLE TOWN.
WHAT'S THAT?
I WAS JUST REMARKING
ABOUT YOUR TOWN.
IT'S A BEAUTIFUL, PEACEFUL
LITTLE PLACE YOU'VE GOT HERE.
IT'S THE NAME THAT
REALLY GETS ME.
HAPPINESS, ARIZONA.
YEAH, THAT'S WHAT
SHE'S CALLED...
HAPPINESS, ARIZONA.
LET'S SEE, SHE'S
BEEN CALLED THAT
ABOUT TEN MONTHS NOW.
OH! WHAT WAS SHE
CALLED BEFORE THAT?
CALLED BEFORE THAT?
OH, VARIOUS THINGS.
SATAN'S STAGE STOP.
DEAD MAN'S JUNCTION.
BOOTHILL VILLAGE...
YOU PASSED IT.
BOOTHILL TOWN CEMETERY.
128 PEOPLE BURIED THERE.
EVERY ONE OF THEM SHOT TO DEATH
EXCEPT ONE WHO DIED
OF NATURAL CAUSES.
WELL, THAT'S LIFE.
AH, THIS TOWN WASN'T
A FIT PLACE TO LIVE IN.
WASN'T A NIGHT
YOU WOULDN'T HAVE TO
STEP OVER A DEAD BODY.
THAT A FACT?
ALL OF THEM
SHOOTING EVERY NIGHT.
THERE WERE MORE
CITIZENS BITING THE DUST
THAN THERE WAS
ATTENDING SUNDAY SERVICES.
AH, DO TELL.
AND THEN, DO YOU
KNOW WHAT HAPPENED?
I CAN'T EVEN BEGIN TO GUESS.
EXACTLY... TOWN
TOOK STOCK OF ITSELF.
GOT ITSELF A REAL
EFFECTIVE SHERIFF.
PUT THE KIBOSH ON FIREARMS.
BUILT ITSELF A JAIL AND A
GALLOWS, ENFORCED THE LAW.
NEXT THING YOU KNOW...
HAPPINESS, ARIZONA!
HAPPINESS, ARIZONA!
WHERE A MAN CAN
WALK DOWN THE STREET
AND HAVE HIMSELF A DRINK
WITHOUT HAVING TO
CHECK THE MIRROR
AND SEE WHO'S GUNNING AFTER HIM.
NOW, THAT'S PROGRESS, MISTER.
WELL, IT'S THIS KIND OF THING
THAT KIND OF BRINGS
TEARS TO MY EYES.
OH, NOW, YOU DON'T
HAVE TO BE SCARED
TO SHOW ANY EMOTION, SIR.
I KNOW THE FEELING.
BEEN LIVING WITH
KILLING AND VIOLENCE
ALL YOUR LIFE, AND THEN SUDDENLY
IT'S KIND OF LIKE...
IT'S KIND OF LIKE THE SUN
COMING OVER A DARK CLOUD
AND SHINING ON YOU WITH ITS
WARM RAYS OF BENEFICENCE.
I DO A LITTLE PREACHING
ON THE SIDE TOO.
WHAT'S YOUR LINE, SIR?
MY... MY LINE?
WHAT DO YOU DO?
I'M ON THE ROAD A
GOOD DEAL OF THE TIME.
SELLING!
IN A MANNER OF SPEAKING.
SERVICES ARE MY SUPPLY.
SERVICES?
WELL, WHAT SORT OF SERVICES?
MAYBE I CAN THROW A
LITTLE BUSINESS YOUR WAY.
YOU MIGHT AT THAT.
THIS IS A TOWN
THAT COULD USE ME.
WHAT SORT OF
SERVICES YOU SUPPLYING?
I BRING BACK THE DEAD.
INTRODUCING MR. JARED GARRITY,
A GENTLEMAN OF COMMERCE
WHO IN THE LATTER HALF OF
THE 19th CENTURY PLIED HIS TRADE
IN THE WILD AND
WOOLY HINTERLANDS
OF THE AMERICAN WEST.
AND MR. GARRITY, IF
ONE CAN BELIEVE HIM,
IS A RESURRECTOR OF THE
DEAD, WHICH ON THE FACE OF IT
CERTAINLY SOUNDS LIKE
THE BULL IS OFF THE NICKEL.
BUT TO THE SCOFFERS AMONGST YOU,
AND YOU LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN FROM MISSOURI,
DON'T LAUGH THIS
ONE OFF ENTIRELY,
AT LEAST UNTIL YOU'VE SEEN A
SAMPLE OF MR. GARRITY'S WARES
AND AN EXAMPLE OF HIS SERVICES.
THE PLACE IS HAPPINESS, ARIZONA,
THE TIME ABOUT 1890,
AND YOU AND I HAVE JUST ENTERED
A SALOON WHERE THE BAR WHISKEY
IS BREWED, BOTTLED AND
DELIVERED FROM THE TWILIGHT ZONE.
WHAT'D HE SAY HIS NAME WAS?
HE DIDN'T SAY.
HE'S GOT A SIGN ON HIS WAGON.
IT SAYS GARRITY.
THAT COULD BE HIS NAME.
BY GOLLY, THAT'S DEDUCTION.
YOU KNOW WHY WE
GOT LAW AND ORDER
IN THIS TOWN?
BECAUSE WE'VE GOT A SHERIFF
THAT USES SCIENTIFIC DEDUCTION.
I WISH I'D THOUGHT OF THAT.
YOU KNOW, IF YOU DON'T
KNOW A FELLA'S NAME,
YOU JUST LOOK AT HIS WAGON.
WELL, NOW, THAT'S
REALLY NO GREAT SHAKE
OF A DEDUCTION, LAPHAM,
BUT IT DOES POINT UP THE FACT
YOU CAN'T STOP
THINKING ON THIS JOB.
IT'S REALLY KIND OF A THINK,
THINK, THINK PROPOSITION.
NOW SOME MEN DEPEND
ON THIS ALL THE TIME
WHEN THEY SHOULD BE
USING THE OLD... THE OLD BEAN.
BY GOLLY, NOBODY
COULD BE RIGHTER.
AND WHEN YOU USE THE
HEAD INSTEAD OF THE GUN,
YOU SAVE MONEY ON BULLETS
AND BURIALS AND LABOR.
NOW HE SAID WHAT TO YOU, JENSEN?
Jensen: OH, HE SAID HE
COULD BRING BACK THE DEAD.
WELL, THAT'S WHAT
HE SAID HIS LINE WAS...
"BRINGING BACK THE DEAD."
TELL YOU, I ALMOST
KEELED BACK IN MY TRACKS.
BRING BACK THE
DEAD, I'M THINKING.
WELL, HE'S EITHER A LUNATIC
OR HE'S TRYING TO GULL ME.
THAT'S WHEN I RAN
OVER TO YOUR OFFICE
AND GOT YOU, SHERIFF.
YEAH, AND WHEN WE COME
BACK, HE DONE AND LEFT TOWN.
HE PROBABLY FIGURED YOU'D
GONE AFTER THE SHERIFF
AND DECIDED TO GET OUT OF TOWN.
BY GOLLY, THAT'S GOOD
REASONING, SHERIFF.
THAT'S JUST WHAT HE DONE.
HE'S OBVIOUSLY SOME
SORT OF A CON MAN.
AND WHEN HE SAW JENSEN
HERE LEAVE THE SALOON,
HE KNEW HE WAS
GOING FOR THE LAWMAN.
SO, UH, HE FELT
HE WAS IN TROUBLE,
AND HE GOT OUT OF TOWN.
NOW THAT'S A VERY
FINE PIECE OF DEDUCTION.
EXCEPT HOWS COME
HE LEFT HIS WAGON?
GOOBERMAN, YOU'RE A VERY
EMBARRASSING MAN TO HAVE AROUND.
WHY DO YOU WANT TO ASK
A QUESTION LIKE THAT FOR?
"HOWS COME HE LEFT HIS WAGON?"
"HOWS COME HE LEFT HIS WAGON?"
HOW COME HE DID LEAVE HIS WAGON?
SHERIFF?
WAY I FIGURE IT,
HE PROBABLY DIDN'T GET
OUT OF TOWN AFTER ALL.
THE WAY I FIGURE IT,
HE PROBABLY CHECKED INTO
THE HOTEL OR SOMETHING.
BY GOLLY, SHERIFF,
YOU'RE EXACTLY RIGHT.
THAT'S JUST WHAT HE DONE.
YOU'VE GOT A JOB HERE
FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE
IF I'VE GOT ANYTHING
TO DO WITH IT.
JENSEN, GIVE THE
SHERIFF A DRINK ON ME.
YOU'RE A REAL SPORT, LAPHAM.
THAT'S REAL KIND OF YOU,
LAPHAM, REAL KIND OF YOU.
REAL KIND OF YOU.
HERE'S TO LAPHAM.
SHERIFF.
YOU'RE, UH...
YOU'RE MR. GARRITY?
THAT'S MY FAMILY NAME.
IS THAT YOUR WAGON OUTSIDE?
YEP, THAT'S MY WAGON.
SAYS GARRITY ON IT?
THAT'S MY FAMILY NAME.
WELL, MR. JENSEN HERE SAYS
THAT YOU BRING BACK THE DEAD.
NOW, THAT'S A FIGURE
OF SPEECH, AIN'T IT?
YOU DON'T ACTUALLY
BRING BACK THE DEAD.
ON THE CONTRARY, THAT'S EXACTLY
WHAT I DO... BRING BACK THE DEAD.
WELL, NOW, YOU
WOULDN'T MIND TELLING US
HOW YOU GO ABOUT
DOING THIS, WOULD YOU?
WELL, NOW, SHERIFF,
NO OFFENSE...
UH, BARTENDER, PLEASE...
BUT IT'S KIND OF LIKE A
PROFESSIONAL TRADE SECRET
KIND OF LIKE A MAGICIAN.
NOW, HE DOESN'T TELL
HOW HE DOES HIS TRICKS
AND I DON'T TELL HOW I
BRING BACK THE DEAD...
BUT I DO.
THE FACT IS, I HEARD
ABOUT YOUR TOWN HERE.
128 DEAD IN BOOTHILL UP THERE.
HAPPINESS, ARIZONA,
WITH THE BIGGEST
CEMETERY WEST OF CHICAGO
AND ALL OF THEM
DEPARTING THE EARTH
WITH UNSPEAKABLE VIOLENCE.
ALL BUT ONE.
AND THAT WAS MY
DEAR WIFE, ZELDA,
REST HER SOUL.
A FINE HEALTHY STRAPPING
WOMAN OF 247 POUNDS,
BUT NOT UNATTRACTIVE, MIND YOU,
AND SUDDENLY I LOST HER.
AND THAT'S WHY I DRINK...
FROM A BROKEN HEART.
HOW MUCH LOSS CAN A MAN STAND?
Man: KILLED HIM, POOR LITTLE
TYKE, RAN RIGHT UNDER MY WAGON.
MUST HAVE STRUCK HIM
ALONGSIDE OF THE HEAD.
HASN'T GOT A MARK ON
HIM, BUT HE'S SURE DEAD.
WELL, IT'S ACCIDENTAL
ANIMAL HOMICIDE.
WELL, THAT'S DECENT
OF YOU, SHERIFF.
NO FINE OR NOTHING?
NO FINE.
YOU OBVIOUSLY COULDN'T HELP IT.
ANYBODY KNOW WHO
THE DOG BELONGS TO?
STRAY IS WHAT IT IS.
I NEVER SEEN IT BEFORE.
Man: I'LL TAKE HIM
OUT AND BURY HIM.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!
THE PROOF OF THE
PUDDING IS IN THE EATING
AND THE PROOF OF THE
SERVICE IS IN THE PERFORMING.
HALLELUJAH!
NOW THAT DOG IS
CERTAINLY DEAD, IS IT NOT?
AND GENTLEMEN, I SHALL RETURN IT
TO THE LAND OF THE LIVING.
I SHALL RESURRECT THAT DOG.
NOW, PLEASE, STAND
BACK ALL OF YOU.
OH, I WANT TO ASK YOU ONE THING.
IN ORDER THAT I MIGHT
PERFORM THE OPERATION
COMPLETELY AND SATISFACTORILY,
WOULD YOU ALL TURN AROUND
SO THAT YOU'RE NOT WATCHING ME.
IF YOU DON'T MIND, PLEASE.
EUREKA!
Garrity: OH, YOU GOOD DOG.
OH, YOU GOOD DOG!
THERE WE GO.
LOOK AT HIM GO!
MY DEAR FRIENDS,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
CITIZENRY OF HAPPINESS, ARIZONA,
IT IS WITH NO SMALL
DEGREE OF PLEASURE
THAT I STAND HERE
ON THIS QUAINT
PICTURESQUE MAIN STREET
PERFORMING WHAT I
MIGHT MODESTLY CLAIM
AS AN ACCOMPLISHMENT
OF SOME DIMENSION.
AS YOU HAVE ALL SEEN,
I HAVE JUST BROUGHT
A DOG BACK TO LIFE.
IT'S DEVIL'S WORK!
BLACK MAGIC IS WHAT IT IS.
IT IS NOT BLACK MAGIC
AND NOT DEVIL'S WORK.
IT IS THE APPLICATION
OF SCIENTIFIC PRINCIPLES
WHICH I HAVE PICKED
UP OVER THE YEARS
WHILE TRAVELING EXCLUSIVELY
IN THE HIMALAYAN MOUNTAINS.
WHAT I DID FOR THAT DOG I
CAN DO FOR YOUR LOVED ONES...
MAY THEIR SOULS REST
IN PEACE... MOMENTARILY.
YOU MEAN, YOU CAN
BRING BACK MY ZELDA?
AND MY FORMER PARTNER?
AND MY LATE HUSBAND?
TONIGHT, DEAR FRIENDS,
TONIGHT AT MIDNIGHT,
HAPPINESS WILL REIGN
IN HAPPINESS, ARIZONA.
THE DEAD WILL BE
RETURNED TO YOU.
H-HE'S STILL UP AT THE CEMETERY.
HE'S BEEN THERE FOUR HOURS NOW.
THAT PLACE FREEZES
MY INSIDES AT HIGH NOON
WITH THE SUN SHINING DOWN.
IMAGINE HOW IT IS AFTER DARK.
I DON'T LIKE THE PROCEEDINGS.
I BELIEVE WHEN YOU'RE
DEAD, YOU'RE DEAD.
IMAGINE MY LITTLE
BLOSSOM, MY OWN ZELDA.
ALL THOSE LONELY
DAYS AND LONELY WEEKS
AND TONIGHT AT MIDNIGHT,
SHE COMES BACK TO ME.
GOOD EVENING, GENTLEMEN.
GOOD EVENING TO YOU ALL.
WHISKEY, PLEASE.
YOU KNOW, THE COSMIC
IMPULSES TONIGHT ARE INCREDIBLE.
ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE!
I HAVE JUST BEEN UP ON BOOTHILL.
ALL FINISHED UP THERE NOW?
ALL FINISHED.
NOW THEY'LL ALL COME
FILING DOWN ANY MOMENT NOW.
AHEAD OF SCHEDULE, TOO.
I HADN'T GONE FIVE
MINUTES INTO THE CEREMONY
BEFORE THE EARTH
STARTED TO HEAVE.
SOME MIGHTY ANXIOUS
FOLKS UP THERE.
MIGHTY ANXIOUS.
AH, BUT IT'D DO YOUR HEART GOOD
TO SEE THEM WIGGLING AROUND
UNDER THE SOD, JUST
LIKE SOME HAPPY COLTS
RARING TO FACE LIFE AGAIN.
THAT'S YOUR BELOVED BROTHER,
ISN'T IT, MR. JENSEN?
UH, JOHN, HE WAS KILLED
BY ACCIDENT LAST MARCH.
WE HAD A GUNFIGHT IN HERE
AND HE GOT HIT BY A STRAY BULLET.
THE SAME SIZE AND SHAPE AS YOU
WITH A KIND OF A LIMP?
UH... HOW DID YOU KNOW?
YOUR BROTHER WAS THE
LAST MAN BURIED, MR. JENSEN,
AND THE LAST BURIED
ARE THE FIRST ONES
WHO'LL BE COMING BACK DOWN.
COMING BACK DOWN?
HA! I BELIEVE THAT'S
HIM COMING NOW.
MR. JENSEN...
IT'S YOUR OWN
BELOVED BROTHER JOHN
AND A MORE DECENT,
HONORABLE CITIZEN
NEVER PULLED A CORK
FROM A BOTTLE, SO I'M TOLD.
MR. GARRITY, HE WAS A
LOWDOWN THIEVING SKUNK.
HE SPENT MORE TIME TAPPING
THE TILL AND STEALING WHISKEY
THAN HE DID WAITING
ON CUSTOMERS.
YOU DISHONOR THE MAN.
AND HERE HE RETURNS
TO YOU FROM THE GRAVE.
AND AFTER THAT UNFORTUNATE,
ACCIDENTAL BULLET
THAT CAUGHT HIM BETWEEN
THE SHOULDER BLADES.
MR. GARRITY.
WHAT DO YOU CHARGE
TO BRING BACK THESE DEAD PEOPLE?
ROOM AND BOARD, BUT MY
MAJOR SOURCE OF INCOME
IS THE PLEASURE I DERIVE
BRINGING HAPPINESS
TO MY FELLOW MAN.
WELL, HOW WOULD
YOU LIKE TO INCREASE
THAT SOURCE OF INCOME?
YOU'LL HAVE TO
SPEAK A BIT PLAINER.
WHAT WOULD IT TAKE TO
PUT MY BROTHER BACK?
NO, THAT WOULD BE A
DIFFICULT PROCEDURE.
YOU SEE, MR. JENSEN,
AFTER THE RESURRECTION
HAS TAKEN PLACE
IT REQUIRES A MAXIMUM EFFORT
TO MAKE THEM DIE ALL OVER AGAIN.
WELL, WOULD $100
HELP THE EFFORT?
SHALL WE SAY $1,000?
WELL, WHAT DOES 500 DO FOR YOU?
IT WARMS ME A LITTLE
BUT I STILL FEEL DRAFTY.
LET'S SETTLE FOR,
UH... 750, SHALL WE?
IT'S A DEAL.
HE DISAPPEARED!
HE JUST PLAIN DISAPPEARED!
HE CAME WALKING TOWARDS US
AND I WOULD HAVE BET MONEY
IT WAS YOUR BROTHER JOHN.
AND HE WAS WALKING TOWARDS US
AND THEN HE PLUMB DISAPPEARED!
THAT'S LIFE.
BUT NOW DON'T FRET, FRIENDS.
HE'LL BE FOLLOWED
BY ALL THE OTHERS.
ALL THE OTHERS?
INCLUDING YOUR BELOVED WIFE.
YOUR LONELY HOURS ARE OVER.
YOUR ZELDA WILL
SOON BE BACK WITH YOU
TO BRING BACK
YOUR PEACE OF MIND.
NO DISRESPECT, UH...
WHAT I MEAN IS THAT ZELDA WAS
THE FLOWER OF ALL WOMANHOOD
BUT ON SIX DIFFERENT OCCASIONS
SHE BROKE MY LEFT ARM AND
THIS POOR THING WAS IN A CAST
SO MANY TIMES THAT
I DEVELOPED A LIST.
YOUR POINT, MR. GOOBERMAN.
OH, I WOULD HATE TO
DISTURB ZELDA'S REST
SO HOW MUCH WOULD IT
COST TO PUT HER BACK?
OH, THAT'S A DIFFICULT
ASSIGNMENT, MR. GOOBERMAN.
UH... $500.
FOR ME IT WAS $750!
I'M ASHAMED.
I'M TRULY ASHAMED.
YOUR OWN DEAR BROTHER.
AND YOU, GOOBERMAN,
YOUR DEAR WIFE.
AS A PUBLIC OFFICIAL OF THIS
TOWN, I APOLOGIZE FOR THESE MEN.
I AM HUMILIATED.
NOTHING LESS THAN HUMILIATED!
I DON'T BLAME
YOU A BIT, SHERIFF.
AND I COULD PERCEIVE IMMEDIATELY
THAT YOU'RE MADE
OF STERNER STUFF.
YOU'RE NOT QUAKING IN YOUR BOOTS
BECAUSE LIGHTNING PETERSON
WILL BE ONE OF THE DEPARTED
RETURNING THIS NIGHT.
LIGHTNING PETERSON!
YOU KILLED HIM YOURSELF,
DIDN'T YOU, SHERIFF?
HE WAS THE FASTEST
GUN IN THE TERRITORY.
BALDERDASH.
I SAY BALDERDASH!
"LIGHTNING" PETERSON.
YOU KILLED HIM ONCE, SHERIFF,
IN AN HONEST SHOWDOWN
AND IF HE HASN'T
LEARNED FROM THAT
WELL, YOU CAN DO IT AGAIN.
SOMETHING, SHERIFF?
YOU'RE GOING TO
RESURRECT THAT GUNMAN?
WELL, IT WAS A MASS OPERATION.
AS A MATTER OF FACT, SHERIFF,
IT WILL GIVE YOU A
MARVELOUS OPPORTUNITY
TO DISPEL THOSE
UGLY RUMORS I HEARD
THAT YOU ACTUALLY SHOT
PETERSON IN THE BACK...
LATE AT NIGHT...
WHEN HE WAS ALONE AND UNARMED
AND YOU HAD SIX DEPUTIES
ALONGSIDE OF YOU.
SEVEN.
NOW, I KNOW THAT YOU FACED
UP TO HIM IN BROAD DAYLIGHT
BUT THIS WILL GIVE YOU AN
OPPORTUNITY TO SHOOT HIM DOWN,
IF NEED BE, FACE-TO-FACE.
WELL, NOW, THE
FACT IS, MR. GARRITY,
I DON'T THINK THAT PETERSON
SHOULD BE RESURRECTED.
ACTUALLY... HE'S A
MENACE TO SOCIETY.
THE FACT IS, SHERIFF...
HE'S ALREADY ON HIS WAY DOWN.
I DON'T MIND FACING UP TO HIM
BUT WHY GO TO ALL THAT TROUBLE?
UH... WOULD, UH, YOU THINK $500
WOULD KEEP HIM BACK UP THERE?
LIGHTNING PETERSON?
YOU DO HIM AN
INJUSTICE, SHERIFF.
HE WAS QUITE A LAD WITH THE GUN
AND MIGHTY ACTIVE AT THAT.
NO, NO, NO, THIS
WILL BE A $1,200 JOB.
SOLD.
JENSEN, A WHOLE BOTTLE PLEASE.
HAPPEN TO SEE A SCRAWNY
LITTLE MAN OUT THERE,
KINDA GIMLET-EYED.
HIS NAME?
PERKINS. EPHRAIM PERKINS.
RELATIVE? EX-HUSBAND.
AND NO TIGHTER MAN EVER
SQUEEZED A SILVER DOLLAR.
AND THE THING OF IT
IS, I'M MARRIED AGAIN.
AND IF THE TRUTH BE KNOWN,
I NEVER DID CARE FOR
EPHRAIM WHILE HE WAS LIVING
AND I DON'T SEE WHY I SHOULD
GO THROUGH IT ALL AGAIN.
WHAT WOULD I DO
WITH TWO HUSBANDS?
A HUNDRED DOLLARS?
FIVE, MADAM.
FIVE? MM.
MY FATHER-IN-LAW...
MY FATHER-IN-LAW'S A BIG MAN,
ASKED TO BE BURIED
WITH A BULLWHIP.
THERE'S JUST NO
REASON WHY HE SHOULD...
NO, NO, NO.
OH, THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
MY WIFE LOOKED VERY PRETTY
WHEN SHE WAS BURIED.
COULDN'T WE KEEP HER THAT WAY?
FIVE.
FIVE.
THE REST OF YOU JUST
PUT YOUR NAMES HERE.
THE AMOUNT'S $500.
THANK YOU.
FIVE.
WHOA.
COME ON, BOY!
COME ON, SPOT, COME ON!
COME ON, SPOT, COME HERE!
OH, YOU NICE, NICE PUPPY.
OH, YOU'RE A NICE DOG.
I GOT A BIG BONE IN
THE WAGON FOR YOU.
YOUR REWARD FOR PLAYING DEAD.
YOU'RE LATE!
OH, ACE, I COULDN'T HELP IT.
THIS TOWN IS THE RIPEST
PEAR WE EVER PLUCKED.
THEY COULDN'T GET RID OF
THEIR MONEYBAGS FAST ENOUGH.
WHAT WAS THE TAKE?
CONSIDERABLY MORE THAN YOU
EARNED ON THE STAGE, DEAR BOY.
PLAYED MY PART UNCOMMONLY WELL.
UNCOMMONLY.
I'VE BEEN CHECKING
OVER THE ITINERARY.
OUR NEXT STOP IS TUCSON.
WE'LL GET A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP,
YOU GO IN THERE IN THE
MORNING, GET A LINE ON THE PLACE.
WE'LL SEE WHICH OF
THE DEAR DEPARTED
YOU CAN IMITATE TOMORROW NIGHT.
REAL SORRY, FRIENDS,
THAT I COULDN'T PERFORM
WHAT I LAID CLAIM TO,
SO REST IN PEACE, ALL OF YOU.
LET'S GO.
OLD SPOT, NOW COME ON OVER HERE.
THERE YOU GO.
YOU SIT HERE.
THE MAN DON'T DO
HIMSELF JUSTICE.
THE ACTOR THAT PLAYED
YOU WASN'T WORTH A DARN.
BUT THAT THERE GARRITY
SURE CAN DO A JOB
OF RESURRECTING.
I CAN'T WAIT TO GET
BACK INTO TOWN.
I'VE GOT A LOT OF
DRINKING TO CATCH UP WITH.
THERE'S A YELLOW
SKUNK OF A SHERIFF
I AIM TO SETTLE A
SCORE WITH, TOO.
AND THERE'S A LITTLE PIPSQUEAK
OF A SOT JUST WAITING
TO GET HIS ARM BROKE
AND I'M JUST THE
GAL THAT CAN DO IT
OR MY NAME AIN'T
ZELDA GOOBERMAN.
EXIT MR. GARRITY, A
WOULD-BE CHARLATAN,
A MAKE-BELIEVE CON MAN
AND A SAD MISJUDGER
OF HIS OWN TALENTS.
RESPECTFULLY SUBMITTED
FROM AN EMPTY CEMETERY
ON A DARK HILLSIDE
THAT IS ONE OF THE SLOPES
LEADING TO THE TWILIGHT ZONE.
AND NOW, MR. SERLING.
THE SUBJECT NEXT
TIME IS AUTOMATION.
OUR AREA OF CONCERN:
THE REPLACEMENT
OF MEN BY MACHINES.
IT HAPPENS TO BE NOT ONLY A
CURRENT INDUSTRIAL PHENOMENON
BUT POTENTIALLY A
SIZABLE CAN OF PEAS,
THAT, ONCE OPENED,
CARRIES WITH IT
SOME VERY SPECIAL
STORY MATERIAL.
ON THE TWILIGHT ZONE NEXT
TIME, WE OPEN THAT CAN OF PEAS
AND PRESENT A BATTLE BETWEEN
THE MEN AND THE MACHINES.
RICHARD DEACON AND
PAUL NEWLAN STAR IN
"THE BRAIN CENTER AT WHIPPLE'S."