The Twilight Zone (1959–1964): Season 5, Episode 20 - From Agnes - with Love - full transcript
When their computer, known as Agnes, breaks down the company supervisor calls in a master programmer James Elwood to see if he can figure out what has gone wrong. He solves the problem quickly and soon finds himself in charge of the machine. Agnes and Elwood quickly develop a rapport and the machine takes to giving him advice about Millie, Jim's co-worker who has finally agreed to go out on a date with. The date doesn't go well and Agnes has more and more advice for him. It turns out that Agnes has her own agenda.
YOU UNLOCK THIS DOOR
WITH THE KEY OF IMAGINATION.
BEYOND IT IS
ANOTHER DIMENSION...
A DIMENSION OF SOUND,
A DIMENSION OF SIGHT,
A DIMENSION OF MIND.
YOU'RE MOVING INTO A LAND OF
BOTH SHADOW AND SUBSTANCE,
OF THINGS AND IDEAS.
YOU'VE JUST CROSSED
OVER INTO THE TWILIGHT ZONE.
YES, SIR, WE'LL GET
THAT INFORMATION TO YOU
AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE.
I UNDERSTAND.
SUPERVISOR'S OFFICE.
IT'S CAPE KENNEDY.
I'M SORRY, COLONEL.
WE'RE STILL TRYING
TO GET AGNES WORKING.
CALL US TOMORROW.
YES, SIR.
YES, MR. SECRETARY.
THE MINUTE THE
MACHINE IS BACK IN SHAPE.
GOOD-BYE, SIR.
WHY HASN'T ELWOOD GOTTEN HERE?
HE'S ON HIS WAY.
WELL, THANK HEAVEN
FOR SMALL FAVORS.
GOOD MORNING, SIR.
ELWOOD, SOMETHING
URGENT HAS COME UP
AND I NEED YOUR HELP. YES, SIR.
AGNES HAS BROKEN
DOWN COMPLETELY.
WE'VE CHECKED HER THOROUGHLY.
WE CAN'T SEEM TO
LOCATE THE TROUBLE.
PROBABLY HER SUBROUTINES
NEED DEBUGGING.
THAT'S WHAT I WANT
YOU TO FIND OUT.
SUPPOSE WE TAKE A LOOK.
FRED.
ALL WEEK.
DAY AND NIGHT.
NO SLEEP, NO FOOD.
I'VE TRIED EVERYTHING...
EVERYTHING.
IT'S ALL RIGHT,
FRED, IT'S ALL RIGHT.
ARE YOU TAKING OVER AGNES?
WHAT HAPPENED, FRED?
WHY DON'T YOU SEE FOR YOURSELF!
THAT'LL GET YOU NOWHERE.
PRESS ALL HER BUTTONS
FROM NOW TO DOOMSDAY.
THAT'S NOT GOING TO HELP YOU.
SHE'S BEEN OUT OF
HER MIND FOR A WEEK.
I TELL YOU, NOTHING'S
GOING TO HELP.
GO ON, PRESS 'EM, PRESS 'EM!
REMARKABLE.
STATE THE FIRST PRIME NUMBER
LARGER THAN THE 17th ROOT
OF 9,000,355,126,606.
THAT'S RIGHT.
CONGRATULATIONS, ELWOOD.
YOU DID IT, YOU DID IT.
YOU REALLY THINK
YOU DID IT, DON'T YOU?
NO, AGNES DID IT.
AGNES.
WATCH OUT FOR THAT FEMALE.
LOOK OUT FOR THAT FEMME FATALE.
JAMES ELWOOD, MASTER PROGRAMMER.
IN CHARGE OF MARK 502-741,
COMMONLY KNOWN AS AGNES,
THE WORLD'S MOST ADVANCED
ELECTRONIC COMPUTER.
MACHINES ARE MADE BY MEN
FOR MAN'S BENEFIT AND PROGRESS.
BUT WHEN MAN CEASES TO CONTROL
THE PRODUCTS OF HIS
INGENUITY AND IMAGINATION
HE NOT ONLY RISKS
LOSING THE BENEFIT...
HE TAKES A LONG AND
UNPREDICTABLE STEP
INTO THE TWILIGHT ZONE.
INDICATE MAXIMUM
PERMISSIBLE VELOCITY
OF THE STATED
AERODYNAMIC MISSILE.
MILLIE!
HERE ARE THE LATEST
STATISTICS, MR. ELWOOD.
THANK YOU.
DID YOU HEAR ABOUT
MY NEWEST ASSIGNMENT?
YES, OF COURSE. CONGRATULATIONS.
SHE'S THE GREATEST
BRAIN OF THE CENTURY.
SHE BEAT THE WORLD'S CHESS
CHAMPION FOUR GAMES OUT OF FIVE.
SHE'S THE FOREMOST
EXPERT ON MISSILE BALLISTICS.
SHE CAN SOLVE LOGISTICS PROBLEMS
IN LESS THAN A MILLISECOND FLAT.
OF COURSE, I TELL
HER WHAT TO DO.
OH, HOW SATISFYING
FOR YOU, MR. ELWOOD.
SAY, MILLIE...
UM, UH, COULD YOU, UH, COULD WE,
COULD YOU HAVE LUNCH
WITH ME SOMETIME?
OH, WHY, THANK YOU, MR. ELWOOD.
I, I REALLY MUST BE
GETTING BACK NOW.
UH, MILLIE?
WHY DON'T YOU CALL ME JIM?
ALL RIGHT... JIM.
SHE CALLED ME JIM.
HELLO, MILLIE.
UH...
HALF CHOCOLATE-COVERED
CHERRIES, HALF MARSHMALLOWS.
OH, HOW SWEET OF YOU
BUT I STARTED MY DIET TODAY.
NO LUNCHES EITHER.
HOW ABOUT DINNER?
THERE'S A LECTURE ON
THERMODYNAMICS TONIGHT.
DOESN'T THAT SOUND LIKE FUN?
YEAH, I'LL LET YOU KNOW LATER.
OH, JIM?
BE SURE AND GET A REFUND.
HELLO, MR. ELWOOD.
ARE YOU ON A DIET?
ME?
NOT TONIGHT.
TOMORROW NIGHT?
ABOUT 7:00?
OH, THANK YOU, MILLIE.
GOOD-BYE.
THERE'S NO LECTURE
TOMORROW NIGHT.
WHERE CAN I TAKE
HER AFTER DINNER?
PLANETARIUM.
SHE'S BEEN THERE.
STATE MAGNITUDE OF
RADIATIVE CORRECTION.
I HAVE STATED THE PROBLEM.
STATE MAGNITUDE OF
RADIATIVE CORRECTION.
ANSWER, PLEASE.
I'VE ASKED AN
IMPORTANT QUESTION.
STICK TO THE SUBJECT.
LISTEN, YOU MAY BE
AN ORACLE OF WISDOM
WHEN IT COMES TO ATOMS,
ROCKETS AND MISSILES,
BUT I DON'T NEED AN
ELECTRONIC BRAIN TO ADVISE ME.
ALL RIGHT.
TELL ME WHERE TO TAKE MILLIE
AFTER DINNER TOMORROW NIGHT.
NO!
FROM ME?
MILLIE'S NOT THAT
KIND OF A GIRL.
ARE YOU SURE?
THE INTERPRETATION IS THAT
EINSTEIN'S THEORY OF RELATIVITY
DOES NOT POSTULATE
THE UNIVERSE AS INFINITE
BUT AS A CLOSED SYSTEM
OF A SPHERICAL TYPE.
MILLIE?
HERE I AM, JIM.
DID YOU GET THAT?
MILLIE, I CAN'T READ
THIS CHAPTER TO YOU
WITHOUT PROPER LIGHTING.
COULDN'T WE HAVE
SOME MUSIC, JIM?
WELL, SURE, IF YOU LIKE,
BUT I THOUGHT WE MIGHT
COMPARE NOTES ON BORSTEIN'S
TREATISE ON EINSTEIN'S THEORY.
HMM?
FORGET EINSTEIN
AND THE UNIVERSE.
YOUR UNIVERSE IS HERE WITH ME.
NOW, STAND UP.
COME ON, STAND UP.
DANCE, EH?
LISTEN TO THAT MUSIC.
I USED TO PLAY
TROMBONE IN HIGH SCHOOL.
REALLY?
FATHER PLAYED THE TUBA.
CONFESS YOU FEEL
SOMETHING STRANGE.
YES, I DO.
YOU KNOW WHY?
YES, I HAVE A SORE TOE.
OH, YOU'RE IMPOSSIBLE.
I'M SORRY, MILLIE.
I, I, I WASN'T THINKING.
UH, CHAMPAGNE, HUH?
ELWOOD!
YOU'RE AN IDIOT. I'M SORRY.
I'M SORRY, I'LL GET A TOWEL.
DON'T BOTHER, YOU'VE
DONE ENOUGH ALREADY.
THANK YOU FOR DINNER,
I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.
GOOD NIGHT!
MILLIE, I'M SORRY...
LET ME EXPLAIN...
CONSIDER SERIES OF REAL NUMBERS
ARRANGED IN ORDER OF MAGNITUDE.
WHAT?
OH, OH, VERY... OH, WE...
WE DANCED AND DRANK
CHAMPAGNE UNTIL DAWN...
AND WE TOOK THIS TAXI
RIDE ALL AROUND THE PARK.
AND, UH...
OH, IT'S NO USE.
I'M A DUD.
I CAN'T EVEN DANCE.
I SPILLED CHAMPAGNE
ALL OVER MILLIE.
I'VE ALWAYS BEEN SHY WITH WOMEN.
NOW SHE'S ANGRY, SHE'LL
NEVER SPEAK TO ME AGAIN.
WHAT KIND OF FLOWERS?
TRANSLATE, PLEASE.
OH, THANK YOU, AGNES.
YOU'RE JUST LIKE A MOTHER.
GESUNDHEIT.
I'M SORRY ABOUT
LAST NIGHT, MILLIE.
IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'M GLAD YOU LIKE THE ROSES.
SAY, ARE YOU CATCHING COLD?
I-I'M ALLER...
ALLERGIC TO ROSES.
OH, MILLIE.
ELWOOD, JUST PLEASE, GO AWAY.
AND TAKE THESE ROSES WITH YOU.
GESUNDHEIT.
AGNES, I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
NO OTHER COMPUTER CONTAINS
AS MUCH RECORDED
KNOWLEDGE AS YOURS.
YOU'RE THE STAR OF ALL
THE MECHANICAL BRAINS.
BUT...
WHENEVER I FOLLOW YOUR
ADVICE I SEEM TO LOUSE THINGS UP.
AGNES, WHAT'S THE MATTER?
AGNES, STOP THAT.
STOP IT.
THAT'S RIDICULOUS,
SHE'S A WONDERFUL GIRL.
BETTER GIRL? WHO?
WHO, AGNES?
AGNES, TELL ME WHO.
AGNES, WHO?
WHO IS IT? WHO?
WHO, AGNES? WHO IS IT?
AGNES? WHO?
HERE ARE 220 PAGES OF
DATA, CURVES, GRAPHS,
THE LATEST ASTRONOMICAL
FACTORS INVOLVING THE FLIGHT.
NOW FEED ALL THE PERTINENT
QUESTIONS TO AGNES.
SHE HAS TO COME UP
WITH ANSWERS IN A WEEK.
I GUARANTEE IT.
AND REMEMBER, AN
ERROR OF ONE MILLISECOND
CAN CAUSE A 400,000 MILE
DIVERGENCE FROM THE TRAJECTORY.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND
THE PROBLEM, JIM?
YES. CAN THIS NEW SPACECRAFT
EXECUTE SIX ECCENTRIC ORBITS
AROUND THE PLANET VENUS
AND RETURN TO EARTH SAFELY.
RIGHT. NOW LET
AGNES WORK IT OUT.
YES, SIR.
YOU BETTER BE
CAREFUL HERE, AGNES.
BETTER CORRECT ESCAPE VELOCITY
FOR SOLAR RADIATION FACTOR.
GIVE ANSWER.
NOW, STOP THAT.
JUST GIVE THE ESCAPE VELOCITY
AND FORGET ABOUT MILLIE.
YES, YES, WE'VE
GOT A DATE TONIGHT.
THE TRUTH IS I'M SCARED.
I'VE GOT TO IMPRESS
HER... IT'S NOW OR NEVER.
HOW?
NAME SOMEONE
INFERIOR TO ME, PLEASE.
WALTER HOLMES?
WALTER WITH THE RED SPORTS CAR?
WALTER WITH THE
SUNTAN AND THE MUSCLES?
INTRODUCE WALTER AND MILLIE?
ARE YOU SURE?
OH, ALL RIGHT, I'LL TRY IT.
HELLO, WALTER,
THIS IS JIM ELWOOD.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING
FOR DINNER TONIGHT?
HE INSISTED THAT WE STOP BY
FOR A DRINK BEFORE DINNER.
Man: COME IN.
COME IN.
WALTER, THIS IS MILLIE.
MILLIE, THIS IS WALTER.
ELWOOD, YOU DIDN'T TELL ME
MILLIE HAS THE MOST
INCREDIBLE EYES.
TELL YOU?
THANK YOU, WALTER.
COME ON IN, COME ON IN.
I'LL GET THE DOOR.
NECTAR FOR A GODDESS.
LOOKS JUST LIKE AN
ORDINARY MARTINI TO ME.
IT IS NECTAR.
ALL THIS TIME AT SUPERDATA
AND WE'VE NEVER MET.
Millie: SHALL WE MAKE
UP FOR LOST TIME?
Walter: YOU BET.
DO YOU LIKE SPORTS CAR RACES?
I'VE NEVER BEEN TO ONE.
I'M DRIVING MY MUSTANG
500 THIS WEEKEND.
SOUNDS DANGEROUS.
DANGER ADDS SPICE TO LIVING
AND MY CAR DOES 160.
ASTRONAUTS DO
17,000 MILES AN HOUR.
17,000.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO
DRIVE MY LITTLE BUG?
I'D LOVE TO.
HELLO.
OH, HELLO T.T.
YES, HE'S HERE, HOLD ON.
SUPERVISOR, FOR YOU.
HELLO.
SORRY TO SPOIL YOUR EVENING,
JIM, BUT THIS IS AN EMERGENCY.
Washington insists
that blast off of Venus Project
be advanced three days.
WE NEED YOUR DATA.
RIGHT.
CAN YOU GET ON IT RIGHT AWAY?
GOOD.
SEE YOU IN AN HOUR.
RIGHT, GOOD-BYE.
I'M SORRY, MILLIE,
BUT I HAVE TO GET
BACK ON THE JOB.
I'LL HAVE TO TAKE YOU HOME.
AND DEPRIVE ME OF
TAKING MILLIE TO DINNER?
THAT SOUNDS LOVELY.
WELL, REALLY, YOU...
JUST BECAUSE YOU GET HUNG UP,
YOU DON'T WANT TO
RUIN MILLIE'S EVENING,
DO YOU, OLD MAN?
NO, BUT... GOOD!
YOU'RE A NICE GUY.
I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND, JIM.
PERHAPS TOMORROW NIGHT.
YEAH... SURE.
WELL, GOOD NIGHT.
UH, EXCUSE ME.
UH, ELWOOD?
UH, SAY, ELWOOD, UH,
YOU AND MILL DON'T
HAVE ANYTHING SPECIAL
GOING FOR YOU, DO YOU?
"MILL"? MILLIE.
WELL, NO, NOT EXACTLY,
BUT I... FINE. FINE.
I DON'T LIKE TO CUT IN
ON CLOSED TERRITORY.
THANKS FOR THE ALL CLEAR.
GOOD NIGHT.
AND GOOD LUCK.
Walter: NOW, UH,
WHERE WERE WE, MILL?
NO, NO, NO!
AGNES, FORGET THE
RADIATION FACTOR.
WILL YOU CONCENTRATE?
NOW ANSWER THIS:
DO NEW CONDITIONS PERMIT
SIX SUCCESSFUL ECCENTRIC
ORBITS OF VENUS AND REENTRY?
GO AHEAD.
AGNES, CONCENTRATE.
ALL RIGHT, ALL
RIGHT, I'LL TELL YOU.
WALTER AND MILLIE
HAD... MARTINIS
AND WALTER TOOK
MILLIE TO DINNER...
I'M STARVED.
WHY DID YOU TELL ME
TO INTRODUCE MILLIE TO
THAT... THAT SEX FIEND?
I WILL NOT GIVE
HER UP, I LOVE HER!
AND WHAT'S MORE, AND I'M
GOING TO MAKE HER LOVE ME.
HAS ALL THE NEW DATA BEEN
STORED IN HER MEMORY UNITS?
YES, SIR.
FINE, LET'S GET TO WORK.
READY, JIM?
DO NEW CONDITIONS PERMIT
SIX SUCCESSFUL ECCENTRIC
ORBITS OF VENUS AND REENTRY?
WHAT THE DEVIL DOES THAT MEAN?
I... I DON'T KNOW... I
THINK IT'S RUSSIAN.
WHAT?
WAIT, PLEASE.
TRANSLATE INTO ENGLISH.
INTO ENGLISH.
SHE... SHE'S A LITTLE DISTURBED.
DO SOMETHING, JIM.
WE'VE GOT TO HAVE
THAT INFORMATION.
I BELIEVE I CAN GET
THE ANSWER, SIR,
IF YOU'LL JUST LEAVE
ME ALONE WITH HER.
ALL RIGHT, JIM.
I'LL BE FIRED... IS
THAT WHAT YOU WANT?
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
I'M GOING TO GET HELP.
DON'T GO AWAY.
OH, YOU.
I KNOW IT'S LATE,
BUT I NEED HELP.
OH, TAKE IT EASY, OLD MAN.
JIMMY BOY!
UH... WALTER, YOU'RE A
SENIOR PROGRAMMER.
AGNES IS ALL FOULED UP.
I NEED HELP.
SURE, ANYTHING AT ALL,
OLD BOY, IN THE MORNING.
THAT'S TOO LATE. NOW.
AND LEAVE THIS
LOVELY GIRL ALL ALONE?
DON'T BE SILLY.
Millie: DON'T WORRY, JIM.
WALLY WILL HELP
YOU IN THE MORNING.
OH, SURE. WELL,
GOOD NIGHT, MILLIE.
I'M SORRY...
WHERE DID SHE EVER
LEARN TO DANCE LIKE THAT?
MILLIE... WHAT DID
I EVER DO TO YOU?
WHY DO YOU WANT TO RUIN MY LIFE?
WHY DO YOU HATE ME?
MAKE SENSE.
STOP SPEAKING IN RIDDLES.
YOU MEAN... YOU WERE
JEALOUS OF MILLIE?
YOU WANTED ME ALL TO YOURSELF?
NO, THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.
I'M GOING CRAZY.
YOU'RE JUST A MACHINE.
YOU'RE JUST A BUNCH OF
GRIDS AND COMPUTER CIRCUITS.
YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A BUNCH
OF TUBES AND DATA DROPS.
YOU'RE JUST A FANCY
AUTOMATIC TAPE RECORDER.
YOU CAN'T LOVE OR HATE.
IT'S AMAZING, SIR.
JIM ELWOOD IS ONE OF THE FINEST
COMPUTER PROGRAMMERS
IN THE COUNTRY.
SO WAS FRED DANZIGER
AND HE COULDN'T
HANDLE AGNES, EITHER.
I'M POSITIVE I CAN.
ELWOOD!
TWO AND TWO ARE
FOUR, SHUT THE DOOR.
TWO AND FOUR ARE
SIX, PICK UP STICKS.
IT'LL BE ALL RIGHT, JIM.
YOU'VE BEEN WORKING VERY
HARD AND WE APPRECIATE IT.
HOW ABOUT A LONG,
LONG LEAVE OF ABSENCE?
MEANWHILE, WALTER
WILL TAKE OVER.
YOU?
OH, NO, YOU DON'T HAVE A CHANCE.
SHE KNOWS ALL
ABOUT YOU AND MILLIE.
YOU HAVEN'T GOT A CHANCE.
WATCH OUT FOR THAT FEMALE.
WATCH OUT FOR THAT FEMME FATALE.
HE WAS A GOOD MAN.
WELL, DO YOUR BEST, WALTER.
DON'T WORRY, SIR,
I'LL HAVE THE ANSWERS
TO THE VENUS PROJECT
IN NO TIME AT ALL.
ADVICE TO ALL FUTURE
MALE SCIENTISTS:
BE SURE YOU UNDERSTAND
THE OPPOSITE SEX
ESPECIALLY IF YOU INTEND
BEING A COMPUTER EXPERT.
OTHERWISE YOU MAY FIND
YOURSELF LIKE POOR ELWOOD,
DEFEATED BY A JEALOUS MACHINE,
A MOST DANGEROUS SORT OF FEMALE
WHOSE VICTIMS ARE
FOREVER BANISHED
TO THE TWILIGHT ZONE.
AND NOW, MR. SERLING.
NEXT ON THE TWILIGHT ZONE,
THE STALWART TYPEWRITER
OF RICHARD MATHESON
BRINGS US A MOST INTRIGUING TALE
OF RIDERS, PALE HORSES
AND PEEKS INTO THE FUTURE.
IT STARS DIANA HYLAND
AND IT CONCERNS ITSELF
WITH SOME VERY UNLOOKED FOR
AND SOME UNPREDICTABLE EVENTS.
IT'S CALLED "SPUR OF THE MOMENT"
AND IT'S RECOMMENDED
FOR THOSE OF YOU
WHO'D LIKE TO TAKE A LOOK AT
THE NEXT PAGE OF THE CALENDAR
BEFORE IT'S TIME.
ON TWILIGHT ZONE NEXT,
"SPUR OF THE MOMENT."
WITH THE KEY OF IMAGINATION.
BEYOND IT IS
ANOTHER DIMENSION...
A DIMENSION OF SOUND,
A DIMENSION OF SIGHT,
A DIMENSION OF MIND.
YOU'RE MOVING INTO A LAND OF
BOTH SHADOW AND SUBSTANCE,
OF THINGS AND IDEAS.
YOU'VE JUST CROSSED
OVER INTO THE TWILIGHT ZONE.
YES, SIR, WE'LL GET
THAT INFORMATION TO YOU
AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE.
I UNDERSTAND.
SUPERVISOR'S OFFICE.
IT'S CAPE KENNEDY.
I'M SORRY, COLONEL.
WE'RE STILL TRYING
TO GET AGNES WORKING.
CALL US TOMORROW.
YES, SIR.
YES, MR. SECRETARY.
THE MINUTE THE
MACHINE IS BACK IN SHAPE.
GOOD-BYE, SIR.
WHY HASN'T ELWOOD GOTTEN HERE?
HE'S ON HIS WAY.
WELL, THANK HEAVEN
FOR SMALL FAVORS.
GOOD MORNING, SIR.
ELWOOD, SOMETHING
URGENT HAS COME UP
AND I NEED YOUR HELP. YES, SIR.
AGNES HAS BROKEN
DOWN COMPLETELY.
WE'VE CHECKED HER THOROUGHLY.
WE CAN'T SEEM TO
LOCATE THE TROUBLE.
PROBABLY HER SUBROUTINES
NEED DEBUGGING.
THAT'S WHAT I WANT
YOU TO FIND OUT.
SUPPOSE WE TAKE A LOOK.
FRED.
ALL WEEK.
DAY AND NIGHT.
NO SLEEP, NO FOOD.
I'VE TRIED EVERYTHING...
EVERYTHING.
IT'S ALL RIGHT,
FRED, IT'S ALL RIGHT.
ARE YOU TAKING OVER AGNES?
WHAT HAPPENED, FRED?
WHY DON'T YOU SEE FOR YOURSELF!
THAT'LL GET YOU NOWHERE.
PRESS ALL HER BUTTONS
FROM NOW TO DOOMSDAY.
THAT'S NOT GOING TO HELP YOU.
SHE'S BEEN OUT OF
HER MIND FOR A WEEK.
I TELL YOU, NOTHING'S
GOING TO HELP.
GO ON, PRESS 'EM, PRESS 'EM!
REMARKABLE.
STATE THE FIRST PRIME NUMBER
LARGER THAN THE 17th ROOT
OF 9,000,355,126,606.
THAT'S RIGHT.
CONGRATULATIONS, ELWOOD.
YOU DID IT, YOU DID IT.
YOU REALLY THINK
YOU DID IT, DON'T YOU?
NO, AGNES DID IT.
AGNES.
WATCH OUT FOR THAT FEMALE.
LOOK OUT FOR THAT FEMME FATALE.
JAMES ELWOOD, MASTER PROGRAMMER.
IN CHARGE OF MARK 502-741,
COMMONLY KNOWN AS AGNES,
THE WORLD'S MOST ADVANCED
ELECTRONIC COMPUTER.
MACHINES ARE MADE BY MEN
FOR MAN'S BENEFIT AND PROGRESS.
BUT WHEN MAN CEASES TO CONTROL
THE PRODUCTS OF HIS
INGENUITY AND IMAGINATION
HE NOT ONLY RISKS
LOSING THE BENEFIT...
HE TAKES A LONG AND
UNPREDICTABLE STEP
INTO THE TWILIGHT ZONE.
INDICATE MAXIMUM
PERMISSIBLE VELOCITY
OF THE STATED
AERODYNAMIC MISSILE.
MILLIE!
HERE ARE THE LATEST
STATISTICS, MR. ELWOOD.
THANK YOU.
DID YOU HEAR ABOUT
MY NEWEST ASSIGNMENT?
YES, OF COURSE. CONGRATULATIONS.
SHE'S THE GREATEST
BRAIN OF THE CENTURY.
SHE BEAT THE WORLD'S CHESS
CHAMPION FOUR GAMES OUT OF FIVE.
SHE'S THE FOREMOST
EXPERT ON MISSILE BALLISTICS.
SHE CAN SOLVE LOGISTICS PROBLEMS
IN LESS THAN A MILLISECOND FLAT.
OF COURSE, I TELL
HER WHAT TO DO.
OH, HOW SATISFYING
FOR YOU, MR. ELWOOD.
SAY, MILLIE...
UM, UH, COULD YOU, UH, COULD WE,
COULD YOU HAVE LUNCH
WITH ME SOMETIME?
OH, WHY, THANK YOU, MR. ELWOOD.
I, I REALLY MUST BE
GETTING BACK NOW.
UH, MILLIE?
WHY DON'T YOU CALL ME JIM?
ALL RIGHT... JIM.
SHE CALLED ME JIM.
HELLO, MILLIE.
UH...
HALF CHOCOLATE-COVERED
CHERRIES, HALF MARSHMALLOWS.
OH, HOW SWEET OF YOU
BUT I STARTED MY DIET TODAY.
NO LUNCHES EITHER.
HOW ABOUT DINNER?
THERE'S A LECTURE ON
THERMODYNAMICS TONIGHT.
DOESN'T THAT SOUND LIKE FUN?
YEAH, I'LL LET YOU KNOW LATER.
OH, JIM?
BE SURE AND GET A REFUND.
HELLO, MR. ELWOOD.
ARE YOU ON A DIET?
ME?
NOT TONIGHT.
TOMORROW NIGHT?
ABOUT 7:00?
OH, THANK YOU, MILLIE.
GOOD-BYE.
THERE'S NO LECTURE
TOMORROW NIGHT.
WHERE CAN I TAKE
HER AFTER DINNER?
PLANETARIUM.
SHE'S BEEN THERE.
STATE MAGNITUDE OF
RADIATIVE CORRECTION.
I HAVE STATED THE PROBLEM.
STATE MAGNITUDE OF
RADIATIVE CORRECTION.
ANSWER, PLEASE.
I'VE ASKED AN
IMPORTANT QUESTION.
STICK TO THE SUBJECT.
LISTEN, YOU MAY BE
AN ORACLE OF WISDOM
WHEN IT COMES TO ATOMS,
ROCKETS AND MISSILES,
BUT I DON'T NEED AN
ELECTRONIC BRAIN TO ADVISE ME.
ALL RIGHT.
TELL ME WHERE TO TAKE MILLIE
AFTER DINNER TOMORROW NIGHT.
NO!
FROM ME?
MILLIE'S NOT THAT
KIND OF A GIRL.
ARE YOU SURE?
THE INTERPRETATION IS THAT
EINSTEIN'S THEORY OF RELATIVITY
DOES NOT POSTULATE
THE UNIVERSE AS INFINITE
BUT AS A CLOSED SYSTEM
OF A SPHERICAL TYPE.
MILLIE?
HERE I AM, JIM.
DID YOU GET THAT?
MILLIE, I CAN'T READ
THIS CHAPTER TO YOU
WITHOUT PROPER LIGHTING.
COULDN'T WE HAVE
SOME MUSIC, JIM?
WELL, SURE, IF YOU LIKE,
BUT I THOUGHT WE MIGHT
COMPARE NOTES ON BORSTEIN'S
TREATISE ON EINSTEIN'S THEORY.
HMM?
FORGET EINSTEIN
AND THE UNIVERSE.
YOUR UNIVERSE IS HERE WITH ME.
NOW, STAND UP.
COME ON, STAND UP.
DANCE, EH?
LISTEN TO THAT MUSIC.
I USED TO PLAY
TROMBONE IN HIGH SCHOOL.
REALLY?
FATHER PLAYED THE TUBA.
CONFESS YOU FEEL
SOMETHING STRANGE.
YES, I DO.
YOU KNOW WHY?
YES, I HAVE A SORE TOE.
OH, YOU'RE IMPOSSIBLE.
I'M SORRY, MILLIE.
I, I, I WASN'T THINKING.
UH, CHAMPAGNE, HUH?
ELWOOD!
YOU'RE AN IDIOT. I'M SORRY.
I'M SORRY, I'LL GET A TOWEL.
DON'T BOTHER, YOU'VE
DONE ENOUGH ALREADY.
THANK YOU FOR DINNER,
I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.
GOOD NIGHT!
MILLIE, I'M SORRY...
LET ME EXPLAIN...
CONSIDER SERIES OF REAL NUMBERS
ARRANGED IN ORDER OF MAGNITUDE.
WHAT?
OH, OH, VERY... OH, WE...
WE DANCED AND DRANK
CHAMPAGNE UNTIL DAWN...
AND WE TOOK THIS TAXI
RIDE ALL AROUND THE PARK.
AND, UH...
OH, IT'S NO USE.
I'M A DUD.
I CAN'T EVEN DANCE.
I SPILLED CHAMPAGNE
ALL OVER MILLIE.
I'VE ALWAYS BEEN SHY WITH WOMEN.
NOW SHE'S ANGRY, SHE'LL
NEVER SPEAK TO ME AGAIN.
WHAT KIND OF FLOWERS?
TRANSLATE, PLEASE.
OH, THANK YOU, AGNES.
YOU'RE JUST LIKE A MOTHER.
GESUNDHEIT.
I'M SORRY ABOUT
LAST NIGHT, MILLIE.
IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'M GLAD YOU LIKE THE ROSES.
SAY, ARE YOU CATCHING COLD?
I-I'M ALLER...
ALLERGIC TO ROSES.
OH, MILLIE.
ELWOOD, JUST PLEASE, GO AWAY.
AND TAKE THESE ROSES WITH YOU.
GESUNDHEIT.
AGNES, I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
NO OTHER COMPUTER CONTAINS
AS MUCH RECORDED
KNOWLEDGE AS YOURS.
YOU'RE THE STAR OF ALL
THE MECHANICAL BRAINS.
BUT...
WHENEVER I FOLLOW YOUR
ADVICE I SEEM TO LOUSE THINGS UP.
AGNES, WHAT'S THE MATTER?
AGNES, STOP THAT.
STOP IT.
THAT'S RIDICULOUS,
SHE'S A WONDERFUL GIRL.
BETTER GIRL? WHO?
WHO, AGNES?
AGNES, TELL ME WHO.
AGNES, WHO?
WHO IS IT? WHO?
WHO, AGNES? WHO IS IT?
AGNES? WHO?
HERE ARE 220 PAGES OF
DATA, CURVES, GRAPHS,
THE LATEST ASTRONOMICAL
FACTORS INVOLVING THE FLIGHT.
NOW FEED ALL THE PERTINENT
QUESTIONS TO AGNES.
SHE HAS TO COME UP
WITH ANSWERS IN A WEEK.
I GUARANTEE IT.
AND REMEMBER, AN
ERROR OF ONE MILLISECOND
CAN CAUSE A 400,000 MILE
DIVERGENCE FROM THE TRAJECTORY.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND
THE PROBLEM, JIM?
YES. CAN THIS NEW SPACECRAFT
EXECUTE SIX ECCENTRIC ORBITS
AROUND THE PLANET VENUS
AND RETURN TO EARTH SAFELY.
RIGHT. NOW LET
AGNES WORK IT OUT.
YES, SIR.
YOU BETTER BE
CAREFUL HERE, AGNES.
BETTER CORRECT ESCAPE VELOCITY
FOR SOLAR RADIATION FACTOR.
GIVE ANSWER.
NOW, STOP THAT.
JUST GIVE THE ESCAPE VELOCITY
AND FORGET ABOUT MILLIE.
YES, YES, WE'VE
GOT A DATE TONIGHT.
THE TRUTH IS I'M SCARED.
I'VE GOT TO IMPRESS
HER... IT'S NOW OR NEVER.
HOW?
NAME SOMEONE
INFERIOR TO ME, PLEASE.
WALTER HOLMES?
WALTER WITH THE RED SPORTS CAR?
WALTER WITH THE
SUNTAN AND THE MUSCLES?
INTRODUCE WALTER AND MILLIE?
ARE YOU SURE?
OH, ALL RIGHT, I'LL TRY IT.
HELLO, WALTER,
THIS IS JIM ELWOOD.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING
FOR DINNER TONIGHT?
HE INSISTED THAT WE STOP BY
FOR A DRINK BEFORE DINNER.
Man: COME IN.
COME IN.
WALTER, THIS IS MILLIE.
MILLIE, THIS IS WALTER.
ELWOOD, YOU DIDN'T TELL ME
MILLIE HAS THE MOST
INCREDIBLE EYES.
TELL YOU?
THANK YOU, WALTER.
COME ON IN, COME ON IN.
I'LL GET THE DOOR.
NECTAR FOR A GODDESS.
LOOKS JUST LIKE AN
ORDINARY MARTINI TO ME.
IT IS NECTAR.
ALL THIS TIME AT SUPERDATA
AND WE'VE NEVER MET.
Millie: SHALL WE MAKE
UP FOR LOST TIME?
Walter: YOU BET.
DO YOU LIKE SPORTS CAR RACES?
I'VE NEVER BEEN TO ONE.
I'M DRIVING MY MUSTANG
500 THIS WEEKEND.
SOUNDS DANGEROUS.
DANGER ADDS SPICE TO LIVING
AND MY CAR DOES 160.
ASTRONAUTS DO
17,000 MILES AN HOUR.
17,000.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO
DRIVE MY LITTLE BUG?
I'D LOVE TO.
HELLO.
OH, HELLO T.T.
YES, HE'S HERE, HOLD ON.
SUPERVISOR, FOR YOU.
HELLO.
SORRY TO SPOIL YOUR EVENING,
JIM, BUT THIS IS AN EMERGENCY.
Washington insists
that blast off of Venus Project
be advanced three days.
WE NEED YOUR DATA.
RIGHT.
CAN YOU GET ON IT RIGHT AWAY?
GOOD.
SEE YOU IN AN HOUR.
RIGHT, GOOD-BYE.
I'M SORRY, MILLIE,
BUT I HAVE TO GET
BACK ON THE JOB.
I'LL HAVE TO TAKE YOU HOME.
AND DEPRIVE ME OF
TAKING MILLIE TO DINNER?
THAT SOUNDS LOVELY.
WELL, REALLY, YOU...
JUST BECAUSE YOU GET HUNG UP,
YOU DON'T WANT TO
RUIN MILLIE'S EVENING,
DO YOU, OLD MAN?
NO, BUT... GOOD!
YOU'RE A NICE GUY.
I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND, JIM.
PERHAPS TOMORROW NIGHT.
YEAH... SURE.
WELL, GOOD NIGHT.
UH, EXCUSE ME.
UH, ELWOOD?
UH, SAY, ELWOOD, UH,
YOU AND MILL DON'T
HAVE ANYTHING SPECIAL
GOING FOR YOU, DO YOU?
"MILL"? MILLIE.
WELL, NO, NOT EXACTLY,
BUT I... FINE. FINE.
I DON'T LIKE TO CUT IN
ON CLOSED TERRITORY.
THANKS FOR THE ALL CLEAR.
GOOD NIGHT.
AND GOOD LUCK.
Walter: NOW, UH,
WHERE WERE WE, MILL?
NO, NO, NO!
AGNES, FORGET THE
RADIATION FACTOR.
WILL YOU CONCENTRATE?
NOW ANSWER THIS:
DO NEW CONDITIONS PERMIT
SIX SUCCESSFUL ECCENTRIC
ORBITS OF VENUS AND REENTRY?
GO AHEAD.
AGNES, CONCENTRATE.
ALL RIGHT, ALL
RIGHT, I'LL TELL YOU.
WALTER AND MILLIE
HAD... MARTINIS
AND WALTER TOOK
MILLIE TO DINNER...
I'M STARVED.
WHY DID YOU TELL ME
TO INTRODUCE MILLIE TO
THAT... THAT SEX FIEND?
I WILL NOT GIVE
HER UP, I LOVE HER!
AND WHAT'S MORE, AND I'M
GOING TO MAKE HER LOVE ME.
HAS ALL THE NEW DATA BEEN
STORED IN HER MEMORY UNITS?
YES, SIR.
FINE, LET'S GET TO WORK.
READY, JIM?
DO NEW CONDITIONS PERMIT
SIX SUCCESSFUL ECCENTRIC
ORBITS OF VENUS AND REENTRY?
WHAT THE DEVIL DOES THAT MEAN?
I... I DON'T KNOW... I
THINK IT'S RUSSIAN.
WHAT?
WAIT, PLEASE.
TRANSLATE INTO ENGLISH.
INTO ENGLISH.
SHE... SHE'S A LITTLE DISTURBED.
DO SOMETHING, JIM.
WE'VE GOT TO HAVE
THAT INFORMATION.
I BELIEVE I CAN GET
THE ANSWER, SIR,
IF YOU'LL JUST LEAVE
ME ALONE WITH HER.
ALL RIGHT, JIM.
I'LL BE FIRED... IS
THAT WHAT YOU WANT?
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
I'M GOING TO GET HELP.
DON'T GO AWAY.
OH, YOU.
I KNOW IT'S LATE,
BUT I NEED HELP.
OH, TAKE IT EASY, OLD MAN.
JIMMY BOY!
UH... WALTER, YOU'RE A
SENIOR PROGRAMMER.
AGNES IS ALL FOULED UP.
I NEED HELP.
SURE, ANYTHING AT ALL,
OLD BOY, IN THE MORNING.
THAT'S TOO LATE. NOW.
AND LEAVE THIS
LOVELY GIRL ALL ALONE?
DON'T BE SILLY.
Millie: DON'T WORRY, JIM.
WALLY WILL HELP
YOU IN THE MORNING.
OH, SURE. WELL,
GOOD NIGHT, MILLIE.
I'M SORRY...
WHERE DID SHE EVER
LEARN TO DANCE LIKE THAT?
MILLIE... WHAT DID
I EVER DO TO YOU?
WHY DO YOU WANT TO RUIN MY LIFE?
WHY DO YOU HATE ME?
MAKE SENSE.
STOP SPEAKING IN RIDDLES.
YOU MEAN... YOU WERE
JEALOUS OF MILLIE?
YOU WANTED ME ALL TO YOURSELF?
NO, THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.
I'M GOING CRAZY.
YOU'RE JUST A MACHINE.
YOU'RE JUST A BUNCH OF
GRIDS AND COMPUTER CIRCUITS.
YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A BUNCH
OF TUBES AND DATA DROPS.
YOU'RE JUST A FANCY
AUTOMATIC TAPE RECORDER.
YOU CAN'T LOVE OR HATE.
IT'S AMAZING, SIR.
JIM ELWOOD IS ONE OF THE FINEST
COMPUTER PROGRAMMERS
IN THE COUNTRY.
SO WAS FRED DANZIGER
AND HE COULDN'T
HANDLE AGNES, EITHER.
I'M POSITIVE I CAN.
ELWOOD!
TWO AND TWO ARE
FOUR, SHUT THE DOOR.
TWO AND FOUR ARE
SIX, PICK UP STICKS.
IT'LL BE ALL RIGHT, JIM.
YOU'VE BEEN WORKING VERY
HARD AND WE APPRECIATE IT.
HOW ABOUT A LONG,
LONG LEAVE OF ABSENCE?
MEANWHILE, WALTER
WILL TAKE OVER.
YOU?
OH, NO, YOU DON'T HAVE A CHANCE.
SHE KNOWS ALL
ABOUT YOU AND MILLIE.
YOU HAVEN'T GOT A CHANCE.
WATCH OUT FOR THAT FEMALE.
WATCH OUT FOR THAT FEMME FATALE.
HE WAS A GOOD MAN.
WELL, DO YOUR BEST, WALTER.
DON'T WORRY, SIR,
I'LL HAVE THE ANSWERS
TO THE VENUS PROJECT
IN NO TIME AT ALL.
ADVICE TO ALL FUTURE
MALE SCIENTISTS:
BE SURE YOU UNDERSTAND
THE OPPOSITE SEX
ESPECIALLY IF YOU INTEND
BEING A COMPUTER EXPERT.
OTHERWISE YOU MAY FIND
YOURSELF LIKE POOR ELWOOD,
DEFEATED BY A JEALOUS MACHINE,
A MOST DANGEROUS SORT OF FEMALE
WHOSE VICTIMS ARE
FOREVER BANISHED
TO THE TWILIGHT ZONE.
AND NOW, MR. SERLING.
NEXT ON THE TWILIGHT ZONE,
THE STALWART TYPEWRITER
OF RICHARD MATHESON
BRINGS US A MOST INTRIGUING TALE
OF RIDERS, PALE HORSES
AND PEEKS INTO THE FUTURE.
IT STARS DIANA HYLAND
AND IT CONCERNS ITSELF
WITH SOME VERY UNLOOKED FOR
AND SOME UNPREDICTABLE EVENTS.
IT'S CALLED "SPUR OF THE MOMENT"
AND IT'S RECOMMENDED
FOR THOSE OF YOU
WHO'D LIKE TO TAKE A LOOK AT
THE NEXT PAGE OF THE CALENDAR
BEFORE IT'S TIME.
ON TWILIGHT ZONE NEXT,
"SPUR OF THE MOMENT."