The Twilight Zone (1959–1964): Season 3, Episode 36 - Cavender Is Coming - full transcript
Inept guardian angel Harmon Cavender is given a chance to earn his wings by helping an unconventional big city woman, the young, awkward Agnes Grep.
( theme music playing)
YOU'RE TRAVELING THROUGH
ANOTHER DIMENSION...
A DIMENSION NOT ONLY OF
SIGHT AND SOUND, BUT OF MIND,
A JOURNEY INTO A WONDROUS LAND
WHOSE BOUNDARIES
ARE THAT OF IMAGINATION.
YOUR NEXT STOP,
THE TWILIGHT ZONE.
OOH!
POSITIONS FOR INSPECTION!
COME ON, GIRLS, STEP
IT UP, STEP IT UP, GIRLS.
DON'T LOITER.
SMALL MESSAGE OF REASSURANCE
TO THAT HORIZONTAL YOUNG LADY:
DON'T DESPAIR, HELP IS EN ROUTE.
IT'S COMING IN AN ODD FORM
FROM A VERY DISTANT PLACE,
BUT IT'S NONETHELESS COMING.
( snaps fingers)
( stammering): YOU
SENT FOR ME, CHIEF?
( coughs)
APPRENTICE ANGEL CAVENDER,
IT HAS COME TO OUR ATTENTION
THAT YOU ARE THE ONLY
ANGEL OF YOUR CLASS
NOT TO HAVE WON YOUR WINGS.
IT HAS FURTHER COME
TO OUR ATTENTION
THAT YOU ARE A CLOD.
BEFORE RECLASSIFYING YOU,
WE'RE GOING TO GIVE
YOU ONE MORE CHANCE.
NICE-LOOKING GIRL, CHIEF.
PRECISELY.
AND SHE WILL BE YOUR PROJECT.
YOU WILL RETURN TO
EARTH AND SUPPLY HER
AID, ASSISTANCE AND ADVICE
FOR A PERIOD OF 24 HOURS.
IF YOU ARE ABLE TO IMPROVE HER
LOT, WE WILL REOPEN YOUR CASE.
YOU MEAN, CHIEF, THAT
I STILL HAVE A CHANCE
OF GETTING MY WINGS?
IT WILL BE TAKEN
UNDER ADVISEMENT.
ACTUALLY, CAVENDER,
THERE SEEMS TO BE
CONSIDERABLE QUESTION
ABOUT THE DAMAGE YOU CAN DO
WITH JUST ARMS AND LEGS,
NOT TO MENTION YOUR MOUTH.
MM-HMM.
SUBMITTED FOR YOUR APPROVAL
THE CASE OF ONE MISS AGNES GREP
PUT ON EARTH WITH TWO LEFT
FEET, AN OVERABUNDANCE OF THUMBS
AND A PROPENSITY FOR
FALLING DOWN MANHOLES.
IN A MOMENT, SHE WILL BE
UP TO HER JAW IN MIRACLES
BROUGHT BY APPRENTICE
ANGEL HARMON CAVENDER,
INTENT ON WINNING HIS WINGS.
AND THOUGH IT'S A FACT
THAT BOTH OF THEM
SHOULD HAVE STOOD IN BED,
THEY WILL TEMPT ALL THE FATES
BY MOVING INTO THE COLD,
GRAY DAWN OF THE TWILIGHT ZONE.
COME ON, GIRLS, STEP IT UP.
STEP IT UP, GIRLS.
YOU'RE THE NEW ONE?
YES, SIR, MR. STOUT.
AND I WOULD LIKE TO SAY I'M
JUST THRILLED WITH THIS JOB.
IF YOU DON'T MIND, MISS GREP.
NOW FOR THE BENEFIT
OF THE NEW RECRUIT,
I WILL GO OVER VERY QUICKLY
THE PRESCRIBED HAND SIGNALS,
INDICATING ASSIGNMENT POSITION
AND ORDER OF THE DAY.
NOW, PAY VERY CLOSE
ATTENTION TO THIS, MISS GREP.
I WILL REPEAT IT ONLY ONCE.
VERY CLOSE ATTENTION, MISS GREP.
NOW, THE FOLLOWING
ARE THE POSITION SIGNALS:
THAT MEANS "SPOT GIRL, POSITION
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE LOBBY"
GIVING CUSTOMERS
PRESCRIBED DIRECTIONS AS
TO SEATING ARRANGEMENTS,
SUCH AS "STAIRWAY
TO YOUR RIGHT,"
"AISLE TWO STRAIGHT AHEAD,"
"SEATING IN THE LOGE."
THAT MEANS "30-MINUTE BREAK."
THIS IS "C". THAT MEANS
"CANDY CONCESSION."
THAT MEANS "BOX OFFICE."
REQUESTS FOR DRINKS OF WATER
WILL BE HANDLED IN
THE FOLLOWING MANNER.
I WILL RESPOND
THUSLY... OR THUSLY.
THAT MEANS "SHOOT."
THIS IS "SHOOT AISLE
ONE," "SHOOT AISLE TWO,"
"SHOOT AISLE THREE,"
AND THIS IS "SHOOT THE BALCONY"!
ALL RIGHT, GIRLS?
READY FOR TODAY'S ASSIGNMENT?
ALL RIGHT, NOW,
RAPAPORT... BETTON...
BURNETT...
AND THE REST OF YOU,
THE SAME AS YESTERDAY.
ALL RIGHT NOW,
POSITIONS! GO, GIRLS!
Grep: MR. STOUT?
UM... THERE'S IMMEDIATE SEATING
IN THE LOGING... BALCONY...
UH... YOU CAN
SMOKE IN THE CANDY.
NO, UH, THERE'S
LOVELY... CANDY OVER...
OH, SIT ANYWHERE.
THANK YOU.
WHICH AISLE DO THEY GO?
WHAT DO I DO WITH THESE?
MR. STOUT?
MR. STOUT!
OH, MY GOD.
WHAT'S THE SIGNAL
FOR "I'M SORRY"?
( bus horn honks)
( buzzer sounding)
( sighs)
UH, DON'T PANIC, MISS GREP.
PLEASE DON'T PANIC.
IF-IF YOU'LL GIVE ME JUST
A MOMENT, I CAN EXPLAIN.
I ALMOST MISSED THE BUS.
THERE USED TO BE TROLLEYS HERE,
AND THEN THEY
TOOK UP THE TRACKS.
YEAH.
( clears throat)
I... I HAPPEN TO BE
YOUR GUARDIAN ANGEL.
NOW, I KNOW THIS MIGHT
COME TO YOU AS RATHER A SHOCK.
USED TO COST A DIME.
YES, I KNOW.
AS I WAS SAYING, I'VE BEEN
GIVEN 24 HOURS TO HELP YOU
IN EVERY WAY POSSIBLE,
AND THAT DOESN'T PRECLUDE
THE USE OF MIRACLES.
OH, HERE, I'LL HOLD THEM.
NOW IT'S A QUARTER.
UH, WHAT'S A QUARTER?
THE BUS FARE YOU PAY.
YES, I KNOW.
THAT'S JUST MY POINT, MISS GREP.
I DIDN'T PAY TO GET ON THIS BUS.
SHH.
I'M AN ANGEL.
I HAPPEN TO BE YOUR ANGEL.
DON'T YOU WORRY ABOUT IT.
I DAYDREAM A LOT MYSELF.
MISS GREP, WOULDN'T YOU AT
LEAST LIKE TO SEE A LITTLE MIRACLE?
LIKE FOR EXAMPLE,
INSTEAD OF RIDING
ON THIS RUN-OF-THE-MILL
BUS LIKE EVERYBODY DOES,
HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE RIDING
IN A FLASHY CONVERTIBLE
WITH A CHAUFFEUR?
( laughing)
( both laughing)
YOU'RE CUTE.
WATCH THIS.
NOW ONCE IN A WHILE, I
MAY LOUSE THESE THINGS UP,
BUT GIVE ME A SECOND
TO CONCENTRATE AND...
AND I THINK I'LL MAKE IT.
I THINK I'M READY.
WHOOPS! I THINK I GOOFED.
WELL, BACK IN THE BUS.
( bus horn honks)
( brakes squeal and hiss)
WHEN THE SUPERVISOR
COMES TO CLAIM THE BUS,
TELL HIM I'VE RESIGNED.
WELL, WHAT HAVE
YOU GOT TO SAY NOW?
EXCUSE ME, THIS IS MY STOP.
IT'S BEEN SWELL
CHATTING WITH YOU.
HIYA, GANG.
WHAT DO YOU SAY?
BOTH: HI, AGGIE.
YOU GOT CANDY TODAY?
HAVE I GOT SOME CANDY.
YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES.
ALL RIGHT, HERE'S ONE FOR YOU,
AND HERE'S ONE FOR YOU.
ON THIS POTATO PANCAKE
STUFF, HOW MANY EGGS?
IT'S, UH, ONE EGG
AND HALF AN ONION.
HOW'S THE JOB, AGGIE?
IT WAS, IRV.
PAST TENSE.
AG, YOU DIDN'T GO
LOSE ANOTHER ONE?
YUP, LOST ANOTHER ONE.
PLOTZKY'S BIJOU OF
FAMOUS HOLLYWOOD HITS.
OH, I WAS GREAT
IN RECONNAISSANCE
AND INFILTRATION, BUT I
FLUNKED CLOSE ORDER DRILL.
OH, AGGIE, I BUSTED MY COOKIE.
YOU BUSTED YOUR COOKIE?
WELL, YOU KNOW
DOGGONE GOOD AND WELL
I HAVE ANOTHER COOKIE
HERE FOR YOU, DON'T YOU?
THANK YOU.
YOU'RE WELCOME. SEE YOU LATER.
SEE YOU LATER, AGGIE.
DON'T PANIC! DON'T PANIC!
I KNOW.
UM, I THOUGHT I
LEFT YOU BACK THERE.
OH, PERISH THE
THOUGHT, MISS GREP.
I AM GOING TO BE WITH
YOU FOR 24 HOURS...
UH, 23 HOURS AND 31
MINUTES, TO BE EXACT.
MY DEAR MISS GREP,
I AM HERE TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE.
UH-HUH.
YOU KNOW, THIS IS A KIND
OF AN INTERESTING PLACE
YOU HAVE HERE.
I LIKE IT.
YEAH, WELL, UH, LET'S GET DOWN
TO BUSINESS, SHALL WE?
NOW, IN CASES OF THIS KIND,
I TRY TO EXAMINE THE PROBLEMS
AND THEN ALLEVIATE THEM.
NOW, IN YOUR CASE, MISS GREP,
IT SEEMS THAT YOU
CAN'T HOLD ON TO A JOB.
WOULD YOU LIKE A CUP OF TEA?
NO. NOW THE WAY WE ATTACK
THIS EMPLOYMENT PROBLEM...
A BEER?
NO. IS TO FIX IT
SO THAT YOU'RE
INDEPENDENTLY WEALTHY
AND DON'T EVEN NEED EMPLOYMENT.
WINE? I HAVE SOME SHERRY.
MISS GREP, WE ARE DISCUSSING
THE ALTERATION OF...
OF YOUR ENTIRE FUTURE.
AND I THINK WE OUGHT TO DISPENSE
WITH THESE CONVIVIALITIES
AND PROCEED TO...
DO YOU HAVE ANY GIN?
NO, BUT I COULD RUN DOWN
TO MRS. RIANTI'S APARTMENT.
HER HUSBAND MAKES IT.
NO, THANKS. I'VE HAD THAT KIND.
OH.
WELL, BACK TO
BUSINESS, SHALL WE?
NOW, FIRST OF ALL, MISS
GREP, I... I DON'T THINK THAT...
I DON'T THINK YOU CAN LIVE HERE.
NO?
WELL, HARDLY.
LET'S SEE HERE...
OH, YES, HERE'S A GOOD ONE.
THE MORGAN MANSION
ON SUTTON PLACE.
THAT'S THE LAST ONE OF
ITS KIND IN NEW YORK CITY.
OH, A MANSION.
AND HOW DO I PAY
FOR THIS MANSION?
MY DEAR MISS GREP, THERE
ARE ALL SORTS OF WAYS.
I AM NOT THAT KIND OF GIRL!
YES, I HAVE NO DOUBT.
BUT AS OF THIS MOMENT,
YOU ARE INDEPENDENTLY WEALTHY.
NOW, LET ME SEE HERE...
OH, YES, SAVINGS ACCOUNT:
6-6-1-0-3, NEW YORK
NATIONAL BANK,
AGNES GREP... THAT'S YOU.
$23,367 AND 19 CENTS.
NINETEEN?
YEAH, I HATE ROUND NUMBERS.
ME, TOO.
LOOKS BETTER THAT WAY.
ABOUT YOUR SOCIAL ACTIVITIES...
WELL, I GENERALLY GO
BOWLING ON THURSDAYS.
BOWLING, SCHMOWLING.
THAT MAY BE OKAY FOR PINSETTERS,
BUT NOT FOR REAL SOCIETY.
( indistinct crowd chatter)
( bell clanging)
WHOOPS!
OH, PERFECTLY CHARMING
PARTY, AGNES, MY DEAR.
WHY, I WAS TALKING
TO TONY ABOUT IT.
YOU LOOK RAVISHING, DEAR.
ABSOLUTELY RAVISHING.
OH, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
DOESN'T SHE?
OH, YES.
Cavender: ALL YOURS, MY DEAR.
( French accent): AGNES, CHERIE!
( shrieks)
UNRAVEL THE FLESH, WILL YOU?
MY DEAR, YOU ARE EXQUISITE,
ENCHANTING, DELIGHTFUL.
AND I INTEND TO NOTIFY CHARLIE
THAT THIS WAS THE HIGH
SOCIAL POINT OF THE SEASON.
MY DEAR, NOBODY IN THE WORLD
CAN THROW A PARTY LIKE YOU.
COME ALONG, MY DEAR.
( loud, overlapping
voices at high speed)
NOW THIS IS WHAT
I CALL A MIRACLE.
THE BEST MARTINI
I EVER CONJURED.
( overlapping
voices at high speed)
HOW DO YOU DO?
I'VE SEEN ALL OF YOUR MOVIES
AT LEAST 60 OR 70 TIMES.
( laughs)
I THINK YOU'RE... WONDERFUL.
( voices at high speed)
OH, I'M SORRY.
( voices at high speed)
MMM... SENSATIONNEL,
CHERIE, COCO.
( voices talking at high speed)
A REAL BLAST, ISN'T IT?
YEAH. CRAZY.
( voices at high speed)
OH, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
YOU'RE TERRIBLY STINKY.
LOVELY PARTY, DARLING.
I HAD A WONDERFUL TIME.
COME ALONG.
SWELL HAVING YOU.
LOVELY PARTY, AGGIE.
THANK YOU.
RAVISHING, DARLING, RAVISHING.
YES, THANK YOU.
( upbeat instrumental music
plays in the background)
( yawning loudly)
OH... OH!
OH, BOY, WHAT A BLAST.
( chuckles)
HARMON, OLD BUDDY, YOU
REALLY OUTDID YOURSELF.
( chortles)
( grunting)
AGNES...
( shoe thuds)
( glass shatters)
( footsteps approaching)
MY APARTMENT...
IT'S BEEN RENTED.
YEAH, I... I KNOW.
MY LANDLADY... SHE
DIDN'T EVEN KNOW ME.
SHE CALLED ME "MISS."
AND YOU KNOW
WHAT IRV SAID TO ME?
WHO'S IRV?
MY NEIGHBOR ACROSS THE HALL.
HE CAME OUT TO GET
THE MORNING PAPER,
AND YOU KNOW WHAT HE SAID?
HE SAID, "WHAT'S
WITH YOU, SISTER?
YOU SLUMMING?"
WELL, MISS GREP...
YOU KNOW THAT OLD SAYING:
"YOU CAN'T HAVE YOUR
CAKE AND ALSO EAT IT."
WHY, I MEAN, SOMEBODY'S
GOT TO PAY THE FIDDLER.
AFTER ALL, YOU KNOW
AND EVERYBODY KNOWS
THAT THE WHOLE
PHILOSOPHY OF LIVING
IS A KIND OF A
GIVE-AND-TAKE THING.
AND AFTER ALL, WHEN...
WELL, WHAT DID YOU EXPECT?
OH, NOT MUCH OF
ANYTHING, REALLY.
EXCEPT...
OH, EXCEPT THAT... EXCEPT WHAT?
FRIENDS, MAYBE.
HEY, JOE.
PIERRE, MORGAN
MANSION, SUTTON PLACE.
NO.
NO MORGAN MANSION
AND NO SUTTON PLACE.
HOW'S THAT?
MR. CAVENDER, I DON'T
WANT TO GO BACK THERE.
I WANT TO STAY RIGHT HERE.
YOU... YOU... WHY,
THAT'S RIDICULOUS.
YOU CAN'T STAY HERE.
24 HOURS OF MIRACLES,
AND I LEAVE YOU THE
WAY I FOUND YOU?
COME ON!
I'D NEVER GET MY WINGS.
I'D BE DRUMMED OUT.
I'D BE RECLASSIFIED.
THERE'S NO TELLING
WHERE THEY'D SEND ME.
MISS GREP, DIDN'T WE
HAVE A WONDERFUL TIME?
DON'T YOU HAVE EVERYTHING
YOU ALWAYS WANTED NOW?
MY DEAR MISS GREP...
MY CHARMING MISS GREP...
DON'T YOU WANT TO BE HAPPY?
MR. CAVENDER, YOU
DON'T UNDERSTAND ME.
I WAS HAPPY.
I WANT IT THE WAY IT WAS.
THE WAY IT WAS? UNSTABLE,
UNRESOLVED AND UNEMPLOYED?
DISCONNECTED, DISCOMBOOBERATED
AND BEHIND IN MY RENT.
BUT THAT'S FOR ME.
THAT AND THEN...
AND THE BABY-SITTING
AND THE BOWLING
AND THE POTATO PANCAKES.
MR. CAVENDER...
PLEASE.
WELL, OKAY, MISS GREP.
BUT I THINK YOU'RE
MAKING AN AWFUL MISTAKE.
ARE YOU SURE?
UH-HUH.
OKAY.
HERE WE GO.
WELL, I... I TRIED, CHIEF.
NOBODY CAN SAY I DIDN'T TRY.
HEY, JOE, LET ME TAKE
IT UP TO THE RIANTIS.
OH, AND JOE... ( loud smack)
Man: HEY, WHAT DO YOU SAY, AG?
HI, HERB, TOP OF
THE MORNING TO YOU,
AND DON'T SHOOT TILL YOU SEE
THE WHITES OF THEIR EYES!
OH, AGGIE, ON THIS
POTATO PANCAKE STUFF...
HOW MANY EGGS?
AN EVEN DOZEN.
I'LL BE DOWN IN A MINUTE.
MRS. RIANTI?
( children shout greetings)
HI, DARLINGS.
LISTEN, YOU ALL WAIT
RIGHT DOWN HERE.
I'LL BE DOWN IN TWO SECONDS FLAT
WITH SOME CANDY AND A COOKIE.
Mrs. Rianti: COME ON, KIDS.
AGGIE'LL BE BACK IN A MINUTE.
HEY, MR. CAVENDER?
THANKS A HEAP.
BUT NO THANKS.
YOU KNOW SOMETHING, MISS GREP?
YOU ARE THE RICHEST
WOMAN I KNOW.
YOU HAVE AN ABUNDANCE OF WEALTH.
AND IT SEEMS THAT I'VE HAD TO
TRAVEL A VERY LONG DISTANCE
TO FIND OUT THAT
CASH AND CONTENTMENT
AREN'T NECESSARILY SYNONYMOUS.
WELL...
GOOD-BYE, MISS GREP.
AND, UH... DON'T TAKE
ANY WOODEN ANGELS,
YOU HEAR?
( thunderclap)
YEAH-YEAH, CHIEF?
YOU WANT TO... YOU
WANT TO TALK TO ME...
RIGHT AWAY.
YEAH, I'LL-I'LL BE RIGHT UP.
SMOKING CIGARS ON ASSIGNMENT.
CONDUCT UNBECOMING AN ANGEL.
CHAMPAGNE-DRINKING.
GIN AND TONIC DRINKING.
GIN FIZZ DRINKING.
GIN ON THE ROCKS,
EXTRA DRY MARTINIS.
INEBRIATION.
AND I COULD GO ON FROM THERE.
CAVENDER, YOU'RE A DISGRACE
TO THE ENTIRE SERVICE.
UH, I KNOW IT, SIR.
I'M AFRAID YOU KNOW
WHAT THIS MEANS.
RE... CLASSIFICATION, SIR?
AT LEAST RECLASSIFICATION.
I HATE TO DO THIS,
CAVENDER, I REALLY DO.
I... I UNDERSTAND, SIR.
AS A MATTER OF FACT, I...
( bowling balls rolling)
WHY, THIS IS INCREDIBLE.
WHY... WHY, SHE'S... SHE'S...
HAPPY... JUST LOOK AT HER, SIR.
WHY, YES.
WHY, SHE'S SIX TIMES HAPPIER
THAN THE WAY I FOUND HER.
SHE'S DELIRIOUSLY
AND TOTALLY HAPPY.
WELL, I DON'T SEE
HOW THAT COULD BE.
BUT SHE IS. JUST-JUST
LOOK AT HER.
YOU SEE WHAT SHE'S DOING, SIR?
WHAT IS THAT?
SHE'S BOWLING.
SHE GOES BOWLING
EVERY THURSDAY NIGHT.
ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO
KEEP YOUR FINGER IN THE BALL
AFTER IT STARTS DOWN THE LANE?
NO, SIR, I DON'T THINK
SHE'S QUITE GOT THE
HANG OF IT YET, SIR.
OOH, I HOPE SHE
DIDN'T HURT HERSELF.
WELL, CAVENDER,
IT SEEMS THAT I'VE BEEN
PREMATURE IN MY JUDGMENT.
YOUR ASSIGNMENT
WAS TO MAKE HER HAPPY,
AND THAT'S PRECISELY
THE WAY SHE IS,
SO THERE'S VERY LITTLE
ROOM FOR DOUBT ABOUT YOUR...
GO ON, SIR, I'M ALL EARS.
I NOTICED.
I THINK, UNDER THE
CIRCUMSTANCES, CAVENDER,
SINCE YOU'VE DONE SO VERY WELL
WITH THAT SUBJECT,
IT OCCURS TO ME
THAT THERE ARE OTHER
DESERVING SUBJECTS DOWN THERE
WHO MIGHT REQUIRE A
LITTLE ANGELIC ASSISTANCE
FROM TIME TO TIME.
EACH ONE OF THEM
WILL BE YOUR PROJECT.
OH, OH, OH, THANK
YOU, THANK YOU, SIR.
IN A STRANGE WAY, I FEEL
RATHER SORRY FOR THEM.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
A WORD TO THE WISE
NOW TO ANY AND ALL
WHO MIGHT SUDDENLY
FEEL THE PRESENCE
OF A CIGAR-SMOKING HELPMATE
WHO TAKES BANKBOOKS
OUT OF THIN AIR.
IF YOU'RE SUDDENLY AWARE
OF ANY SUCH CELESTIAL AIDS,
IT MEANS THAT YOU'RE
UNDER THE BENEFICENT CARE
OF ONE HARMON
CAVENDER, GUARDIAN ANGEL,
AND THIS MESSAGE FROM THE
TWILIGHT ZONE: LOTS OF LUCK.
THIS IS JAMES ARNESS.
YOU KNOW, IT'S ONLY A SHORT HOP
FROM THE TWILIGHT ZONE
TO DODGE CITY IN GUNSMOKE.
SATURDAY NIGHTS OVER
MOST OF THESE STATIONS.
YOU'RE TRAVELING THROUGH
ANOTHER DIMENSION...
A DIMENSION NOT ONLY OF
SIGHT AND SOUND, BUT OF MIND,
A JOURNEY INTO A WONDROUS LAND
WHOSE BOUNDARIES
ARE THAT OF IMAGINATION.
YOUR NEXT STOP,
THE TWILIGHT ZONE.
OOH!
POSITIONS FOR INSPECTION!
COME ON, GIRLS, STEP
IT UP, STEP IT UP, GIRLS.
DON'T LOITER.
SMALL MESSAGE OF REASSURANCE
TO THAT HORIZONTAL YOUNG LADY:
DON'T DESPAIR, HELP IS EN ROUTE.
IT'S COMING IN AN ODD FORM
FROM A VERY DISTANT PLACE,
BUT IT'S NONETHELESS COMING.
( snaps fingers)
( stammering): YOU
SENT FOR ME, CHIEF?
( coughs)
APPRENTICE ANGEL CAVENDER,
IT HAS COME TO OUR ATTENTION
THAT YOU ARE THE ONLY
ANGEL OF YOUR CLASS
NOT TO HAVE WON YOUR WINGS.
IT HAS FURTHER COME
TO OUR ATTENTION
THAT YOU ARE A CLOD.
BEFORE RECLASSIFYING YOU,
WE'RE GOING TO GIVE
YOU ONE MORE CHANCE.
NICE-LOOKING GIRL, CHIEF.
PRECISELY.
AND SHE WILL BE YOUR PROJECT.
YOU WILL RETURN TO
EARTH AND SUPPLY HER
AID, ASSISTANCE AND ADVICE
FOR A PERIOD OF 24 HOURS.
IF YOU ARE ABLE TO IMPROVE HER
LOT, WE WILL REOPEN YOUR CASE.
YOU MEAN, CHIEF, THAT
I STILL HAVE A CHANCE
OF GETTING MY WINGS?
IT WILL BE TAKEN
UNDER ADVISEMENT.
ACTUALLY, CAVENDER,
THERE SEEMS TO BE
CONSIDERABLE QUESTION
ABOUT THE DAMAGE YOU CAN DO
WITH JUST ARMS AND LEGS,
NOT TO MENTION YOUR MOUTH.
MM-HMM.
SUBMITTED FOR YOUR APPROVAL
THE CASE OF ONE MISS AGNES GREP
PUT ON EARTH WITH TWO LEFT
FEET, AN OVERABUNDANCE OF THUMBS
AND A PROPENSITY FOR
FALLING DOWN MANHOLES.
IN A MOMENT, SHE WILL BE
UP TO HER JAW IN MIRACLES
BROUGHT BY APPRENTICE
ANGEL HARMON CAVENDER,
INTENT ON WINNING HIS WINGS.
AND THOUGH IT'S A FACT
THAT BOTH OF THEM
SHOULD HAVE STOOD IN BED,
THEY WILL TEMPT ALL THE FATES
BY MOVING INTO THE COLD,
GRAY DAWN OF THE TWILIGHT ZONE.
COME ON, GIRLS, STEP IT UP.
STEP IT UP, GIRLS.
YOU'RE THE NEW ONE?
YES, SIR, MR. STOUT.
AND I WOULD LIKE TO SAY I'M
JUST THRILLED WITH THIS JOB.
IF YOU DON'T MIND, MISS GREP.
NOW FOR THE BENEFIT
OF THE NEW RECRUIT,
I WILL GO OVER VERY QUICKLY
THE PRESCRIBED HAND SIGNALS,
INDICATING ASSIGNMENT POSITION
AND ORDER OF THE DAY.
NOW, PAY VERY CLOSE
ATTENTION TO THIS, MISS GREP.
I WILL REPEAT IT ONLY ONCE.
VERY CLOSE ATTENTION, MISS GREP.
NOW, THE FOLLOWING
ARE THE POSITION SIGNALS:
THAT MEANS "SPOT GIRL, POSITION
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE LOBBY"
GIVING CUSTOMERS
PRESCRIBED DIRECTIONS AS
TO SEATING ARRANGEMENTS,
SUCH AS "STAIRWAY
TO YOUR RIGHT,"
"AISLE TWO STRAIGHT AHEAD,"
"SEATING IN THE LOGE."
THAT MEANS "30-MINUTE BREAK."
THIS IS "C". THAT MEANS
"CANDY CONCESSION."
THAT MEANS "BOX OFFICE."
REQUESTS FOR DRINKS OF WATER
WILL BE HANDLED IN
THE FOLLOWING MANNER.
I WILL RESPOND
THUSLY... OR THUSLY.
THAT MEANS "SHOOT."
THIS IS "SHOOT AISLE
ONE," "SHOOT AISLE TWO,"
"SHOOT AISLE THREE,"
AND THIS IS "SHOOT THE BALCONY"!
ALL RIGHT, GIRLS?
READY FOR TODAY'S ASSIGNMENT?
ALL RIGHT, NOW,
RAPAPORT... BETTON...
BURNETT...
AND THE REST OF YOU,
THE SAME AS YESTERDAY.
ALL RIGHT NOW,
POSITIONS! GO, GIRLS!
Grep: MR. STOUT?
UM... THERE'S IMMEDIATE SEATING
IN THE LOGING... BALCONY...
UH... YOU CAN
SMOKE IN THE CANDY.
NO, UH, THERE'S
LOVELY... CANDY OVER...
OH, SIT ANYWHERE.
THANK YOU.
WHICH AISLE DO THEY GO?
WHAT DO I DO WITH THESE?
MR. STOUT?
MR. STOUT!
OH, MY GOD.
WHAT'S THE SIGNAL
FOR "I'M SORRY"?
( bus horn honks)
( buzzer sounding)
( sighs)
UH, DON'T PANIC, MISS GREP.
PLEASE DON'T PANIC.
IF-IF YOU'LL GIVE ME JUST
A MOMENT, I CAN EXPLAIN.
I ALMOST MISSED THE BUS.
THERE USED TO BE TROLLEYS HERE,
AND THEN THEY
TOOK UP THE TRACKS.
YEAH.
( clears throat)
I... I HAPPEN TO BE
YOUR GUARDIAN ANGEL.
NOW, I KNOW THIS MIGHT
COME TO YOU AS RATHER A SHOCK.
USED TO COST A DIME.
YES, I KNOW.
AS I WAS SAYING, I'VE BEEN
GIVEN 24 HOURS TO HELP YOU
IN EVERY WAY POSSIBLE,
AND THAT DOESN'T PRECLUDE
THE USE OF MIRACLES.
OH, HERE, I'LL HOLD THEM.
NOW IT'S A QUARTER.
UH, WHAT'S A QUARTER?
THE BUS FARE YOU PAY.
YES, I KNOW.
THAT'S JUST MY POINT, MISS GREP.
I DIDN'T PAY TO GET ON THIS BUS.
SHH.
I'M AN ANGEL.
I HAPPEN TO BE YOUR ANGEL.
DON'T YOU WORRY ABOUT IT.
I DAYDREAM A LOT MYSELF.
MISS GREP, WOULDN'T YOU AT
LEAST LIKE TO SEE A LITTLE MIRACLE?
LIKE FOR EXAMPLE,
INSTEAD OF RIDING
ON THIS RUN-OF-THE-MILL
BUS LIKE EVERYBODY DOES,
HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE RIDING
IN A FLASHY CONVERTIBLE
WITH A CHAUFFEUR?
( laughing)
( both laughing)
YOU'RE CUTE.
WATCH THIS.
NOW ONCE IN A WHILE, I
MAY LOUSE THESE THINGS UP,
BUT GIVE ME A SECOND
TO CONCENTRATE AND...
AND I THINK I'LL MAKE IT.
I THINK I'M READY.
WHOOPS! I THINK I GOOFED.
WELL, BACK IN THE BUS.
( bus horn honks)
( brakes squeal and hiss)
WHEN THE SUPERVISOR
COMES TO CLAIM THE BUS,
TELL HIM I'VE RESIGNED.
WELL, WHAT HAVE
YOU GOT TO SAY NOW?
EXCUSE ME, THIS IS MY STOP.
IT'S BEEN SWELL
CHATTING WITH YOU.
HIYA, GANG.
WHAT DO YOU SAY?
BOTH: HI, AGGIE.
YOU GOT CANDY TODAY?
HAVE I GOT SOME CANDY.
YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES.
ALL RIGHT, HERE'S ONE FOR YOU,
AND HERE'S ONE FOR YOU.
ON THIS POTATO PANCAKE
STUFF, HOW MANY EGGS?
IT'S, UH, ONE EGG
AND HALF AN ONION.
HOW'S THE JOB, AGGIE?
IT WAS, IRV.
PAST TENSE.
AG, YOU DIDN'T GO
LOSE ANOTHER ONE?
YUP, LOST ANOTHER ONE.
PLOTZKY'S BIJOU OF
FAMOUS HOLLYWOOD HITS.
OH, I WAS GREAT
IN RECONNAISSANCE
AND INFILTRATION, BUT I
FLUNKED CLOSE ORDER DRILL.
OH, AGGIE, I BUSTED MY COOKIE.
YOU BUSTED YOUR COOKIE?
WELL, YOU KNOW
DOGGONE GOOD AND WELL
I HAVE ANOTHER COOKIE
HERE FOR YOU, DON'T YOU?
THANK YOU.
YOU'RE WELCOME. SEE YOU LATER.
SEE YOU LATER, AGGIE.
DON'T PANIC! DON'T PANIC!
I KNOW.
UM, I THOUGHT I
LEFT YOU BACK THERE.
OH, PERISH THE
THOUGHT, MISS GREP.
I AM GOING TO BE WITH
YOU FOR 24 HOURS...
UH, 23 HOURS AND 31
MINUTES, TO BE EXACT.
MY DEAR MISS GREP,
I AM HERE TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE.
UH-HUH.
YOU KNOW, THIS IS A KIND
OF AN INTERESTING PLACE
YOU HAVE HERE.
I LIKE IT.
YEAH, WELL, UH, LET'S GET DOWN
TO BUSINESS, SHALL WE?
NOW, IN CASES OF THIS KIND,
I TRY TO EXAMINE THE PROBLEMS
AND THEN ALLEVIATE THEM.
NOW, IN YOUR CASE, MISS GREP,
IT SEEMS THAT YOU
CAN'T HOLD ON TO A JOB.
WOULD YOU LIKE A CUP OF TEA?
NO. NOW THE WAY WE ATTACK
THIS EMPLOYMENT PROBLEM...
A BEER?
NO. IS TO FIX IT
SO THAT YOU'RE
INDEPENDENTLY WEALTHY
AND DON'T EVEN NEED EMPLOYMENT.
WINE? I HAVE SOME SHERRY.
MISS GREP, WE ARE DISCUSSING
THE ALTERATION OF...
OF YOUR ENTIRE FUTURE.
AND I THINK WE OUGHT TO DISPENSE
WITH THESE CONVIVIALITIES
AND PROCEED TO...
DO YOU HAVE ANY GIN?
NO, BUT I COULD RUN DOWN
TO MRS. RIANTI'S APARTMENT.
HER HUSBAND MAKES IT.
NO, THANKS. I'VE HAD THAT KIND.
OH.
WELL, BACK TO
BUSINESS, SHALL WE?
NOW, FIRST OF ALL, MISS
GREP, I... I DON'T THINK THAT...
I DON'T THINK YOU CAN LIVE HERE.
NO?
WELL, HARDLY.
LET'S SEE HERE...
OH, YES, HERE'S A GOOD ONE.
THE MORGAN MANSION
ON SUTTON PLACE.
THAT'S THE LAST ONE OF
ITS KIND IN NEW YORK CITY.
OH, A MANSION.
AND HOW DO I PAY
FOR THIS MANSION?
MY DEAR MISS GREP, THERE
ARE ALL SORTS OF WAYS.
I AM NOT THAT KIND OF GIRL!
YES, I HAVE NO DOUBT.
BUT AS OF THIS MOMENT,
YOU ARE INDEPENDENTLY WEALTHY.
NOW, LET ME SEE HERE...
OH, YES, SAVINGS ACCOUNT:
6-6-1-0-3, NEW YORK
NATIONAL BANK,
AGNES GREP... THAT'S YOU.
$23,367 AND 19 CENTS.
NINETEEN?
YEAH, I HATE ROUND NUMBERS.
ME, TOO.
LOOKS BETTER THAT WAY.
ABOUT YOUR SOCIAL ACTIVITIES...
WELL, I GENERALLY GO
BOWLING ON THURSDAYS.
BOWLING, SCHMOWLING.
THAT MAY BE OKAY FOR PINSETTERS,
BUT NOT FOR REAL SOCIETY.
( indistinct crowd chatter)
( bell clanging)
WHOOPS!
OH, PERFECTLY CHARMING
PARTY, AGNES, MY DEAR.
WHY, I WAS TALKING
TO TONY ABOUT IT.
YOU LOOK RAVISHING, DEAR.
ABSOLUTELY RAVISHING.
OH, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
DOESN'T SHE?
OH, YES.
Cavender: ALL YOURS, MY DEAR.
( French accent): AGNES, CHERIE!
( shrieks)
UNRAVEL THE FLESH, WILL YOU?
MY DEAR, YOU ARE EXQUISITE,
ENCHANTING, DELIGHTFUL.
AND I INTEND TO NOTIFY CHARLIE
THAT THIS WAS THE HIGH
SOCIAL POINT OF THE SEASON.
MY DEAR, NOBODY IN THE WORLD
CAN THROW A PARTY LIKE YOU.
COME ALONG, MY DEAR.
( loud, overlapping
voices at high speed)
NOW THIS IS WHAT
I CALL A MIRACLE.
THE BEST MARTINI
I EVER CONJURED.
( overlapping
voices at high speed)
HOW DO YOU DO?
I'VE SEEN ALL OF YOUR MOVIES
AT LEAST 60 OR 70 TIMES.
( laughs)
I THINK YOU'RE... WONDERFUL.
( voices at high speed)
OH, I'M SORRY.
( voices at high speed)
MMM... SENSATIONNEL,
CHERIE, COCO.
( voices talking at high speed)
A REAL BLAST, ISN'T IT?
YEAH. CRAZY.
( voices at high speed)
OH, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
YOU'RE TERRIBLY STINKY.
LOVELY PARTY, DARLING.
I HAD A WONDERFUL TIME.
COME ALONG.
SWELL HAVING YOU.
LOVELY PARTY, AGGIE.
THANK YOU.
RAVISHING, DARLING, RAVISHING.
YES, THANK YOU.
( upbeat instrumental music
plays in the background)
( yawning loudly)
OH... OH!
OH, BOY, WHAT A BLAST.
( chuckles)
HARMON, OLD BUDDY, YOU
REALLY OUTDID YOURSELF.
( chortles)
( grunting)
AGNES...
( shoe thuds)
( glass shatters)
( footsteps approaching)
MY APARTMENT...
IT'S BEEN RENTED.
YEAH, I... I KNOW.
MY LANDLADY... SHE
DIDN'T EVEN KNOW ME.
SHE CALLED ME "MISS."
AND YOU KNOW
WHAT IRV SAID TO ME?
WHO'S IRV?
MY NEIGHBOR ACROSS THE HALL.
HE CAME OUT TO GET
THE MORNING PAPER,
AND YOU KNOW WHAT HE SAID?
HE SAID, "WHAT'S
WITH YOU, SISTER?
YOU SLUMMING?"
WELL, MISS GREP...
YOU KNOW THAT OLD SAYING:
"YOU CAN'T HAVE YOUR
CAKE AND ALSO EAT IT."
WHY, I MEAN, SOMEBODY'S
GOT TO PAY THE FIDDLER.
AFTER ALL, YOU KNOW
AND EVERYBODY KNOWS
THAT THE WHOLE
PHILOSOPHY OF LIVING
IS A KIND OF A
GIVE-AND-TAKE THING.
AND AFTER ALL, WHEN...
WELL, WHAT DID YOU EXPECT?
OH, NOT MUCH OF
ANYTHING, REALLY.
EXCEPT...
OH, EXCEPT THAT... EXCEPT WHAT?
FRIENDS, MAYBE.
HEY, JOE.
PIERRE, MORGAN
MANSION, SUTTON PLACE.
NO.
NO MORGAN MANSION
AND NO SUTTON PLACE.
HOW'S THAT?
MR. CAVENDER, I DON'T
WANT TO GO BACK THERE.
I WANT TO STAY RIGHT HERE.
YOU... YOU... WHY,
THAT'S RIDICULOUS.
YOU CAN'T STAY HERE.
24 HOURS OF MIRACLES,
AND I LEAVE YOU THE
WAY I FOUND YOU?
COME ON!
I'D NEVER GET MY WINGS.
I'D BE DRUMMED OUT.
I'D BE RECLASSIFIED.
THERE'S NO TELLING
WHERE THEY'D SEND ME.
MISS GREP, DIDN'T WE
HAVE A WONDERFUL TIME?
DON'T YOU HAVE EVERYTHING
YOU ALWAYS WANTED NOW?
MY DEAR MISS GREP...
MY CHARMING MISS GREP...
DON'T YOU WANT TO BE HAPPY?
MR. CAVENDER, YOU
DON'T UNDERSTAND ME.
I WAS HAPPY.
I WANT IT THE WAY IT WAS.
THE WAY IT WAS? UNSTABLE,
UNRESOLVED AND UNEMPLOYED?
DISCONNECTED, DISCOMBOOBERATED
AND BEHIND IN MY RENT.
BUT THAT'S FOR ME.
THAT AND THEN...
AND THE BABY-SITTING
AND THE BOWLING
AND THE POTATO PANCAKES.
MR. CAVENDER...
PLEASE.
WELL, OKAY, MISS GREP.
BUT I THINK YOU'RE
MAKING AN AWFUL MISTAKE.
ARE YOU SURE?
UH-HUH.
OKAY.
HERE WE GO.
WELL, I... I TRIED, CHIEF.
NOBODY CAN SAY I DIDN'T TRY.
HEY, JOE, LET ME TAKE
IT UP TO THE RIANTIS.
OH, AND JOE... ( loud smack)
Man: HEY, WHAT DO YOU SAY, AG?
HI, HERB, TOP OF
THE MORNING TO YOU,
AND DON'T SHOOT TILL YOU SEE
THE WHITES OF THEIR EYES!
OH, AGGIE, ON THIS
POTATO PANCAKE STUFF...
HOW MANY EGGS?
AN EVEN DOZEN.
I'LL BE DOWN IN A MINUTE.
MRS. RIANTI?
( children shout greetings)
HI, DARLINGS.
LISTEN, YOU ALL WAIT
RIGHT DOWN HERE.
I'LL BE DOWN IN TWO SECONDS FLAT
WITH SOME CANDY AND A COOKIE.
Mrs. Rianti: COME ON, KIDS.
AGGIE'LL BE BACK IN A MINUTE.
HEY, MR. CAVENDER?
THANKS A HEAP.
BUT NO THANKS.
YOU KNOW SOMETHING, MISS GREP?
YOU ARE THE RICHEST
WOMAN I KNOW.
YOU HAVE AN ABUNDANCE OF WEALTH.
AND IT SEEMS THAT I'VE HAD TO
TRAVEL A VERY LONG DISTANCE
TO FIND OUT THAT
CASH AND CONTENTMENT
AREN'T NECESSARILY SYNONYMOUS.
WELL...
GOOD-BYE, MISS GREP.
AND, UH... DON'T TAKE
ANY WOODEN ANGELS,
YOU HEAR?
( thunderclap)
YEAH-YEAH, CHIEF?
YOU WANT TO... YOU
WANT TO TALK TO ME...
RIGHT AWAY.
YEAH, I'LL-I'LL BE RIGHT UP.
SMOKING CIGARS ON ASSIGNMENT.
CONDUCT UNBECOMING AN ANGEL.
CHAMPAGNE-DRINKING.
GIN AND TONIC DRINKING.
GIN FIZZ DRINKING.
GIN ON THE ROCKS,
EXTRA DRY MARTINIS.
INEBRIATION.
AND I COULD GO ON FROM THERE.
CAVENDER, YOU'RE A DISGRACE
TO THE ENTIRE SERVICE.
UH, I KNOW IT, SIR.
I'M AFRAID YOU KNOW
WHAT THIS MEANS.
RE... CLASSIFICATION, SIR?
AT LEAST RECLASSIFICATION.
I HATE TO DO THIS,
CAVENDER, I REALLY DO.
I... I UNDERSTAND, SIR.
AS A MATTER OF FACT, I...
( bowling balls rolling)
WHY, THIS IS INCREDIBLE.
WHY... WHY, SHE'S... SHE'S...
HAPPY... JUST LOOK AT HER, SIR.
WHY, YES.
WHY, SHE'S SIX TIMES HAPPIER
THAN THE WAY I FOUND HER.
SHE'S DELIRIOUSLY
AND TOTALLY HAPPY.
WELL, I DON'T SEE
HOW THAT COULD BE.
BUT SHE IS. JUST-JUST
LOOK AT HER.
YOU SEE WHAT SHE'S DOING, SIR?
WHAT IS THAT?
SHE'S BOWLING.
SHE GOES BOWLING
EVERY THURSDAY NIGHT.
ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO
KEEP YOUR FINGER IN THE BALL
AFTER IT STARTS DOWN THE LANE?
NO, SIR, I DON'T THINK
SHE'S QUITE GOT THE
HANG OF IT YET, SIR.
OOH, I HOPE SHE
DIDN'T HURT HERSELF.
WELL, CAVENDER,
IT SEEMS THAT I'VE BEEN
PREMATURE IN MY JUDGMENT.
YOUR ASSIGNMENT
WAS TO MAKE HER HAPPY,
AND THAT'S PRECISELY
THE WAY SHE IS,
SO THERE'S VERY LITTLE
ROOM FOR DOUBT ABOUT YOUR...
GO ON, SIR, I'M ALL EARS.
I NOTICED.
I THINK, UNDER THE
CIRCUMSTANCES, CAVENDER,
SINCE YOU'VE DONE SO VERY WELL
WITH THAT SUBJECT,
IT OCCURS TO ME
THAT THERE ARE OTHER
DESERVING SUBJECTS DOWN THERE
WHO MIGHT REQUIRE A
LITTLE ANGELIC ASSISTANCE
FROM TIME TO TIME.
EACH ONE OF THEM
WILL BE YOUR PROJECT.
OH, OH, OH, THANK
YOU, THANK YOU, SIR.
IN A STRANGE WAY, I FEEL
RATHER SORRY FOR THEM.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
A WORD TO THE WISE
NOW TO ANY AND ALL
WHO MIGHT SUDDENLY
FEEL THE PRESENCE
OF A CIGAR-SMOKING HELPMATE
WHO TAKES BANKBOOKS
OUT OF THIN AIR.
IF YOU'RE SUDDENLY AWARE
OF ANY SUCH CELESTIAL AIDS,
IT MEANS THAT YOU'RE
UNDER THE BENEFICENT CARE
OF ONE HARMON
CAVENDER, GUARDIAN ANGEL,
AND THIS MESSAGE FROM THE
TWILIGHT ZONE: LOTS OF LUCK.
THIS IS JAMES ARNESS.
YOU KNOW, IT'S ONLY A SHORT HOP
FROM THE TWILIGHT ZONE
TO DODGE CITY IN GUNSMOKE.
SATURDAY NIGHTS OVER
MOST OF THESE STATIONS.