The Twilight Zone (1959–1964): Season 3, Episode 22 - A Piano in the House - full transcript
Sadistic and hated theater critic Fitzgerald Fortune buys a player piano that has the power to reveal the souls of all who hear it.
( theme music playing)
YOU'RE TRAVELING THROUGH
ANOTHER DIMENSION...
A DIMENSION NOT ONLY OF
SIGHT AND SOUND, BUT OF MIND,
A JOURNEY INTO A WONDROUS LAND
WHOSE BOUNDARIES
ARE THAT OF IMAGINATION.
YOUR NEXT STOP,
THE TWILIGHT ZONE.
HELLO, IS ANYONE THERE?
HELLO!
IS ANYONE THERE?
WELL, HOW DO YOU DO?
I'M FITZGERALD FORTUNE...
THE THEATER CRITIC.
SO WHAT?
ISN'T RUDENESS SOMETHING OF A
HANDICAP IN YOUR LINE OF WORK?
WHAT'S THAT TO YOU, HMM?
WHEN I SAW THE NAME
"TREASURES UNLIMITED,"
I STEPPED THROUGH THAT
DOOR FULLY EXPECTING
TO ENCOUNTER SOME
SENTIMENTAL OLD BIDDY
IN AN OSTRICH-PLUMED HAT
AND A MOTH-EATEN FEATHER BOA.
INSTEAD, TO MY SINCERE DELIGHT,
I SEEM TO HAVE
DISCOVERED A MISANTHROPE.
WHAT'S THAT?
A MAN WHO DESPISES PEOPLE.
I GOT WORK TO DO, MISTER.
WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?
I AM LOOKING FOR A PRESENT
FOR MY WIFE'S BIRTHDAY.
WRONG PLACE, WRONG
PLACE, JUNK SHOP.
EXACTLY.
YOU SEE, MY WIFE HAS
THE ABSURD NOTION
THAT SHE WOULD LIKE TO
LEARN TO PLAY THE PIANO.
UNFORTUNATELY, SHE
HASN'T A TRACE OF TALENT.
SO, DO YOU HAPPEN TO HAVE
ONE OF THOSE OLD PIANOS
THAT PLAYS ITSELF?
GOT ONE. DON'T KNOW
IF IT WORKS OR NOT.
BUT IT'S OLD.
SPLENDID.
WOULD YOU MIND
SHOWING IT TO ME, PLEASE?
YOU'RE TAKING A LOT
OF MY TIME, MISTER.
YOU'RE TAKING AN
EQUAL AMOUNT OF MINE.
( "I'm in the Mood
for Love" playing)
WHAT BIRTHDAY DOES
THIS MAKE FOR YOUR WIFE?
THE 26th.
SO YOUNG.
YOU MUST BE A MAN OF
GREAT PERSONAL MAGNETISM
TO ATTRACT A WIFE SO YOUNG.
I AM.
UTTERLY ROMANTIC...
YOUTH AND WISDOM, HAND IN HAND.
HOW I'D LOVE TO SEE
THE TWO OF YOU TOGETHER.
WHAT... WHAT A
PICTURE YOU MUST MAKE.
AND FOR HER BIRTHDAY, YOU'RE
GIVING HER THE GIFT OF MUSIC.
OH, HOW TOUCHING.
WHAT IS THE PRICE OF THE PIANO?
YOU ARE TAKING YOUR YOUNG
BRIDE OUT SOMEWHERE TONIGHT, HMM?
SOME QUIET NOOK
WHERE YOU CAN BE LOST TOGETHER
IN THE MIDST OF THE GREAT WORLD,
LOOKING INTO EACH OTHER'S EYES.
HOW MUCH FOR THE PIANO?
IT'S WORTH $250,
BUT SINCE IT'S FOR
A BIRTHDAY PRESENT
I'LL LET YOU HAVE IT FOR $200.
I SHALL EXPECT DELIVERY
BEFORE 6:00 THIS EVENING.
THE ADDRESS IS RIGHT
HERE ON MY CHECK.
CERTAINLY... I SHOULDN'T LIKE
TO HAVE THE LITTLE LADY
DISAPPOINTED ON HER BIRTHDAY.
HAS IT OCCURRED TO YOU
THAT YOU'RE
EXTRAORDINARILY SUSCEPTIBLE
TO THE POWER OF MUSIC?
ISN'T EVERYBODY?
WELL... TO SOME DEGREE, YES.
( music stops)
YOU GOING TO STAND
AROUND ALL DAY TAKING
MY GOOD TIME?
NO, I WAS JUST GOING.
OH, THERE'S THE DOOR.
TELL ME, ARE YOU SENTIMENTAL
ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE
BESIDE BIRTHDAYS?
BIRTHDAYS? THEY'RE
A STUPID WASTE
OF TIME AND MONEY.
EXTRAORDINARY.
MR. FITZGERALD FORTUNE,
THEATER CRITIC AND CYNIC AT LARGE,
ON HIS WAY TO A BIRTHDAY PARTY.
IF HE KNEW WHAT IS IN STORE FOR
HIM, HE PROBABLY WOULDN'T GO,
BECAUSE BEFORE
THIS EVENING IS OVER
THAT CRANKY OLD PIANO IS GOING
TO PLAY "THOSE PIANO-ROLL BLUES"
WITH SOME EFFECTS THAT
COULD HAPPEN ONLY IN
THE TWILIGHT ZONE.
GOOD EVENING, SIR.
YOU'VE DUSTED THE PIANO, I SEE.
YES, SIR.
IT CAME AN HOUR AGO, SIR.
OH, MARVIN... YES, SIR?
IF YOU'RE GOING TO WAIT
AT THE PARTY TONIGHT
DO YOU THINK YOU COULD MANAGE
TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR FACE?
MY FACE, SIR?
A PARTY IS SUPPOSED
TO BE A HAPPY OCCASION.
DO YOU THINK YOU
COULD MANAGE TO BE
A LITTLE LESS
MISERABLE THAN USUAL?
I WILL DO MY BEST, SIR.
Woman: IS THAT YOU, GERALD?
YES, ESTHER.
HELLO, DARLING.
ESTHER, I WANT YOU
TO LET MARVIN GO.
WHAT'S HE DONE?
NO, IT'S NOT ANYTHING
THAT HE'S DONE.
IT'S JUST THE WAY HE LOOKS.
I HATE TO COME HOME EVERY
EVENING AND BE CONFRONTED
BY THAT LUGUBRIOUS
EXPRESSION OF HIS...
UNSPEAKABLY
DEPRESSING. LOOK AT HIM!
LOOKS AS IF HE'S GOING TO
BURST INTO TEARS AT ANY MOMENT.
SURELY AT LEAST WE CAN HAVE
A SERVANT WHO'S CHEERFUL
TO HAVE AROUND.
THERE'S NO NEED TO
HURT HIS FEELINGS, DEAR.
HE HAS NO FEELINGS.
THE MAN'S A CLOD.
WELL, YOU DON'T LIKE
THE PIANO, I TAKE IT.
OH, I LOVE THE
PIANO, I REALLY DO.
EH, HAVE YOU PLAYED IT?
I DIDN'T KNOW HOW IT WORKED,
SO I THOUGHT I'D WAIT
UNTIL YOU CAME HOME.
YOU SEE, I REMEMBERED
THAT YOU WANTED TO
LEARN TO PLAY THE PIANO.
THIS PIANO PLAYS ITSELF.
YES, WASN'T THAT
CONSIDERATE OF ME?
SEE, I DIDN'T WANT YOU
TO TAKE ALL THOSE
TEDIOUS LESSONS
AND THEN FIND OUT
AT THE END OF IT ALL
THAT YOU REALLY HAD
NO MUSICAL TALENT AT ALL.
I SEE.
WELL, DARLING?
NO THANKS FOR MY
BIRTHDAY PRESENT?
NO EMOTION OF ANY KIND?
THANK YOU, GERALD.
WELL, NOW, LET'S HEAR
WHAT THIS ONE SOUNDS LIKE.
IT HAS A HAPPY-ENOUGH
SOUNDING TITLE.
( ragtime tune playing)
THANK YOU, MARVIN.
MARVIN, WHAT ON EARTH
IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?
Esther: ARE YOU FEELING
ALL RIGHT, MARVIN?
I'M VERY WELL,
THANK YOU, MADAME.
BUT YOU'RE SMILING.
AM I?
Gerald: YOU MOST CERTAINLY ARE.
THAT'S PROBABLY
BECAUSE I'M HAPPY, SIR.
WHAT ARE YOU HAPPY ABOUT?
EVERYTHING...
I MAKE GOOD MONEY,
GOT A NICE PLACE TO LIVE,
MY HEALTH, MONEY IN
THE BANK, I LIKE MY JOB!
BUT YOU COULDN'T POSSIBLY.
I TREAT YOU ATROCIOUSLY.
OH, YOU DON'T BOTHER ME,
MR. FORTUNE, YOU TICKLE ME.
SOMETIMES IT'S ALL I CAN DO
TO KEEP FROM LAUGHING OUT LOUD
WHEN YOU HAVE ONE
OF YOUR TANTRUMS.
I GET A GREAT KICK OF
IT WHEN YOU GO AROUND
FLICKING THE FURNITURE
TO SEE IF I'VE DUSTED,
OR CHECKING THE SILVER
TO SEE IF IT'S POLISHED.
( laughing) ( music stops)
I'M SORRY IF I SPOKE
OUT OF PLACE, SIR.
OH, ON THE CONTRARY, MARVIN.
I'M VERY GLAD YOU DID.
YOU MAY GO, THANK YOU.
WHAT A STRANGE THING TO HAPPEN.
YES, WASN'T IT?
WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT
THAT BENEATH THAT
GLOOMY EXTERIOR
THE MAN WAS CONCEALING
A SUNNY NATURE?
OF COURSE, I'VE ALWAYS BELIEVED
THAT WE HAVE TWO FACES...
ONE THAT WE WEAR
AND THE OTHER
THAT WE KEEP HIDDEN.
THE PROBLEM HAS ALWAYS
BEEN TO FIND SOME METHOD
TO MAKE PEOPLE REVEAL
THEIR HIDDEN FACES.
YES, I SUPPOSE IT HELPS
IF YOU KNOW WHAT
PARTICULAR HIDDEN FACE
YOU'RE LOOKING FOR.
( "Thieving Magpie" playing)
HOW DO YOU LIKE
THIS MUSIC, ESTHER?
YOU... BEAST!
I'VE CONTROLLED
MYSELF FOR SIX YEARS...
AND I CAN'T STAND IT ANY LONGER.
I WAS A STUPID CHILD
WHEN I MARRIED YOU.
I THOUGHT YOU WERE A GREAT MAN.
BUT YOU AREN'T. YOU'RE
JUST A SADISTIC FIEND.
YOU TAKE PLEASURE
IN HUMILIATING ME
IN FRONT OF YOUR CLEVER FRIENDS.
YOU ENJOY HURTING ME.
I'VE STOOD YOUR
CRUELTY FOR SIX YEARS,
AND I CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE.
ARE YOU FEELING WELL, MY DEAR?
I FEEL BETTER THAN
I'VE FELT FOR YEARS.
IT'S A GREAT RELIEF TO TELL YOU
WHAT I REALLY THINK ABOUT YOU.
I'VE KEPT IT BOTTLED
UP FOR SO LONG.
I THOUGHT YOU NEEDED ME.
I THOUGHT YOU NEEDED
MY LOVE, BUT YOU DON'T.
YOU JUST NEED SOMEONE TO BULLY
AND TO TORTURE
WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE IT.
I TRIED TO LOVE YOU...
HEAVEN KNOWS I DID...
BUT I HATE YOU.
I HATE YOU!
( music stops)
( clapping)
CONGRATULATIONS, MY DEAR.
A MAGNIFICENT PERFORMANCE.
IF YOU'D BEEN ON STAGE, ESTHER,
I SHOULD HAVE GIVEN
YOU SUPERLATIVE REVIEWS.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT POSSESSED ME.
WELL, I DO!
I SEEM TO HAVE BOUGHT YOU
A MORE INTERESTING
BIRTHDAY PRESENT
THAN I'D THOUGHT.
I WONDER WHAT OTHER
PEOPLE ARE HIDING.
GERALD, PROMISE ME
THAT YOU WON'T PLAY
THE PIANO AGAIN AT
THE PARTY TONIGHT.
I PROMISE NO SUCH THING.
I WASN'T LOOKING FORWARD
TO THIS PARTY VERY MUCH.
BUT NOW I THINK
WE'RE GOING TO HAVE
A MOST AMUSING EVENING.
GOOD EVENING, MARVIN.
GOOD EVENING, SIR.
GERRY?
GREG! GOOD TO SEE YOU.
SCOTCH?
OF COURSE.
YOU'RE UNUSUALLY
CORDIAL TONIGHT.
THAT IS YOUR SMILE
YOU'RE WEARING, ISN'T IT?
I TOOK IT OUT OF COLD STORAGE
IN HONOR OF ESTHER'S BIRTHDAY.
WELL, NOT I. I DON'T PLAN
TO SMILE ALL EVENING.
I'M GLAD TO SEE YOU SHARE
MY DISTASTE FOR BIRTHDAYS.
GREG: WELL, BIRTHDAYS,
ANNIVERSARIES
AND CERTAIN HOLIDAYS I
OVERLOOK WHENEVER POSSIBLE.
THEY SEEM TO IMPLY A CERTAIN
STICKY HUMAN INVOLVEMENT
WHICH I'D MUCH RATHER AVOID.
OH, IS THAT TRUE? I'D
ALWAYS GATHERED YOU WERE
SOMETHING OF A LADIES' MAN,
RATHER THICKLY INVOLVED.
YOU'VE BEEN MISINFORMED,
GERRY, MY BOY.
I'M MUCH TOO SELFISH
TO FALL IN LOVE.
AND YOU'RE MISERABLE.
NOT IN THE LEAST.
I VALUE THE PEACE AND QUIET OF
MY ORDERLY BACHELOR EXISTENCE.
LETS ME WRITE MY PLAYS WITHOUT
INTERFERENCE FROM ANYONE.
OH, YES, HOW IS THE NEW PLAY?
Greg: BRILLIANT.
BY THE WAY, WHERE
IS THE BIRTHDAY GIRL?
OH, SHE'S STILL AT
HER MAKEUP TABLE.
HER EMOTIONS WERE SHOWING,
AND SHE'S COVERING UP A LITTLE.
TELL ME, WHAT DO YOU THINK
OF THIS AMUSING LITTLE TOY
I FOUND FOR HER?
I HAVEN'T SEEN ONE OF
THOSE OLD JOBS IN YEARS.
DOESN'T PLAY, DOES IT?
IT DOES, INDEED.
PLAYS REMARKABLY WELL.
LET ME SHOW YOU.
I HAVE A PIECE
ESPECIALLY FOR YOU.
( dance tune playing)
ROMANTIC, WOULDN'T YOU SAY?
IS ESTHER PLEASED WITH IT?
WELL, SHE HASN'T SHOWN
ANY GREAT ENTHUSIASM.
THAT DOESN'T SOUND LIKE ESTHER.
USUALLY SHE'S SO GRATEFUL FOR
ANY SMALL SHOW OF AFFECTION.
I THINK THAT'S ONE OF HER
MOST LOVABLE QUALITIES...
THE ABILITY TO ACCEPT
A BOUQUET OF DAISIES
AS THOUGH THEY WERE
THE RAREST OF ORCHIDS.
I REMEMBER I ONCE GAVE HER A
SMALL RING, A TURQUOISE RING.
SHE ACCEPTED IT AS IF IT
WERE THE HOPE DIAMOND.
OH, I REMEMBER WHEN SHE BROUGHT
THAT RING BACK FROM MEXICO CITY.
BUT I SEEM TO RECALL THAT
SHE WENT THERE ALONE.
YES, YES, SHE DID.
WE RAN INTO EACH
OTHER DOWN THERE.
SHE NEVER MENTIONED IT.
WASN'T THAT RATHER
AN ODD COINCIDENCE?
GERRY, HAS IT EVER
OCCURRED TO YOU
THAT I'M VERY DEEPLY
IN LOVE WITH YOUR WIFE?
MY DEAR GREG... I ALWAYS
BELIEVED THAT YOU WERE
ABOUT AS CAPABLE OF
PASSION AS A HEAD OF LETTUCE
AND ESTHER'S EMOTIONAL POWER
WAS THAT OF A NEWBORN KITTEN.
NOW DON'T SPEAK OF HER THAT WAY.
I'LL SPEAK OF HER
ANY WAY I PLEASE.
SHE'S MY WIFE.
YOU DON'T KNOW ESTHER AT ALL.
ESTHER IS FULL OF LOVE.
HER SKIN IS WARM
AND SOFT LIKE VELVET.
THE SCENT OF HER HAIR IS
ENOUGH TO DRIVE A MAN WILD.
AND... HER HANDS ARE GENTLE,
SWEET TO KISS AND TO HOLD.
ESTHER IS MUSIC... GERALD, NO!
HONEY, ESTHER IS...
OH, I'M SORRY YOU
DID THAT, MY DEAR.
I DON'T KNOW WHEN I'VE
BEEN SO HIGHLY ENTERTAINED.
ESTHER, I'M SORRY.
I CAN'T EXPLAIN WHAT HAPPENED.
IT'S PROBABLY JUST AS WELL.
I NEVER ENJOYED
DECEIVING YOU, GERALD.
MY DEAR, YOU'RE
INCAPABLE OF DECEIVING ME.
I'VE KNOWN FOR YEARS
OF YOUR CAPACITY
FOR DOING ANY NUMBER
OF SORDID LITTLE THINGS.
THE ONLY REVELATION
THAT'S BEEN MADE TO ME
HAS BEEN THE SPECIFIC DETAILS
OF YOUR SQUALID LITTLE AFFAIR.
( doorbell rings)
OH, OUR GUESTS ARE ARRIVING.
BEFORE I WELCOME THEM,
MAY I WISH YOU A HAPPY
BIRTHDAY, MY DEAR,
AND HOPE THAT THE NEXT 26 YEARS
WILL BE EQUALLY REWARDING.
GERALD, PLEASE DON'T USE
THE PIANO AGAIN TONIGHT.
IT'S NOT SOMETHING
THAT YOU FOOL WITH.
I'M NOT FOOLING
WITH IT, MY DEAR.
I'M USING IT WITH
DEADLY ACCURACY.
HI, MARVIN!
GOOD EVENING, MISS MOORE.
MARGE, MY DEAR, DO COME IN.
WELL, DON'T JUST STAND THERE,
DEVOURING ME WITH YOUR EYES.
KISS ME, YOU FOOL.
MARGE, I'M REALLY
VEXED WITH YOU.
YOU PROMISED ME THE
NEXT TIME I SAW YOU
YOU'D BE AS SVELTE
AS AN ANTELOPE.
Marge: I'VE BEEN ON MORE
DIETS THAN ARCARO HAS HORSES.
BUT SOMEHOW, I ALWAYS MANAGE
TO GET THROWN
BEFORE THE FINISH LINE.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ESTHER.
THANK YOU, MARGE.
I'M NOT EVEN SPEAKING
TO YOU, HANDSOME.
DO YOU REALIZE IT'S BEEN
MONTHS SINCE YOU'VE CALLED ME?
SOMEBODY ELSE
BEEN TAKING MY PLACE?
AS A MATTER OF FACT, YES.
WE'VE JUST BEEN HAVING AN
ILLUMINATING DISCUSSION ABOUT
GREG'S NEW ROMANCE.
DON'T TELL ME HER NAME,
OR I JUST MIGHT
SCRATCH HER EYES OUT.
OR WORSE YET, I MIGHT JUST SIT
ON HER AND MASH HER TO DEATH.
( cackles)
WELL, ISN'T SOMEBODY
GOING TO OFFER ME
A DRINK? ( doorbell rings)
OH, YOU'LL HAVE
TO TALK TO MARVIN.
I BELIEVE ANOTHER
STAGECOACH IS ARRIVING.
DARLING, YOU LOOK RAVISHING.
HOW ARE YOU? MWA.
HI. ROSS, GOOD TO SEE YOU.
HELLO, MARY. HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
OH, THIS LOOKS MARVELOUS.
OH, THIS LOOKS MARVELOUS!
WHY DON'T YOU HAVE ONE?
NOT WITH MY DIET.
DIET? WHAT'S THAT?
Gerald: ALL RIGHT, EVERYONE,
NOW, MAY I HAVE YOUR
ATTENTION, PLEASE?
NOW, UM, WOULD
YOU JUST FIND SEATS.
ANYWHERE, UH, ON
THE FLOOR WILL BE FINE.
NOT ME, I'D NEVER
BE ABLE TO GET UP.
Gerald: THE TIME HAS
COME FOR FUN AND GAMES.
NOW, BEING MOSTLY
FRIENDS OF ESTHER'S
YOU'RE PROBABLY INCLINED
TO SUCH INTELLECTUAL PURSUITS
AS, UH, SPIN THE
BOTTLE OR PIN THE TAIL
ON THE DONKEY. HOWEVER, TONIGHT
I THOUGHT RATHER THAN CATER
TO YOUR JUVENILE MENTALITIES
WE MIGHT PERHAPS HAVE A
RATHER MORE ADULT GAME.
WHEN ARE WE GOING TO
CUT THE CAKE? I'M HUNGRY!
Gerald: COMPULSIVE EATERS
WILL FIND HORS D'OEUVRES
WITHIN ARM'S REACH.
NOW, FOR THIS GAME, WE
SHALL NEED A VOLUNTEER.
WELL, IN THE ABSENCE
OF A VOLUNTEER
I SHALL HAVE TO
CONSCRIPT SOMEONE.
UM... MARGE MOORE.
ME?
OKAY, SVENGALI, UH,
WHAT'S THE CAPER?
Gerald: ALL I WANT YOU
TO DO IS TO LISTEN TO
SOME MUSIC, MY DEAR.
OH, WELL, I CAN DO THAT!
( "Clair de Lune" plays)
TALK TO ME, MARGE.
TELL ME WHAT YOU'RE FEELING.
MY NAME ISN'T MARGE.
WHAT IS YOUR NAME?
MY NAME IS TINA.
WHO ARE YOU, TINA?
I'M A LITTLE GIRL.
WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO?
OH, I LOVE TO DANCE.
ALL RIGHT, TINA, DANCE FOR US.
( raucous laughter)
SHH!
ALL RIGHT, YOU MAY
STOP DANCING NOW, TINA.
TELL ME, ARE YOU ALWAYS TINA?
NOT ALWAYS.
WHAT ELSE ARE YOU, MARGE?
SOMETIMES, I PRETEND
THAT I'M A SNOWFLAKE;
WHITE AND TINY AND
PERFECTLY FORMED.
I FLOAT ON THE AIR
OF A PALE BLUE MOONLIT NIGHT.
I'M NEVER LONELY...
BEAUTIFUL AND SLENDER.
OH, AND I'M LOVED.
I SEE A MAN WITH HIS
HAND STRETCHED OUT.
I DRIFT DOWN AND
REACH THAT HAND.
I'M ENCLOSED BY HIS WARMTH
AND I MELT WITH HIS LOVE.
( Gerald laughs)
( music stops)
IT WAS ALL IN FUN, MY DEAR.
I CHOSE YOU ESPECIALLY,
BECAUSE I THOUGHT
YOU'D ENJOY A JOKE.
Esther: GERALD!
DON'T YOU THINK THAT WE'VE HAD
ENOUGH OF THAT PIANO
FOR TONIGHT? OH, NOT QUITE.
SIT DOWN, SIT DOWN, EVERYBODY.
I'M GOING TO CALL
FORTH THE DEVIL.
I HARDLY THINK WE
SHALL GET A VOLUNTEER,
BUT THAT DOESN'T MATTER.
ESTHER, PUT THIS ON THE PIANO.
NOW, CHEER UP, DARLING.
IT'S ONLY A GAME.
( drink pouring)
NOW, THIS IS GOING TO BE FAUST.
SO IF THERE REALLY
IS A DEVIL AMONG US
WE SHALL KNOW IT SOON ENOUGH.
( Brahms' "Lullaby" playing)
SAY SOMETHING, DEVIL.
I'M AFRAID.
WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF, DEVIL?
I'M AFRAID OF THE DARK.
WHY, YOU'RE NOT A DEVIL.
YOU'RE JUST A POOR,
FRIGHTENED KID.
THAT'S A SECRET.
TELL US YOUR SECRET, GERRY.
I'M AFRAID OF YOU ALL.
I'M AFRAID OF PEOPLE.
THERE'S A SMALL, FRIGHTENED BOY,
AND I'VE KEPT HIM
HIDDEN AWAY INSIDE ME.
AND HE ONLY LIKES
TO HURT PEOPLE,
AND I CAN'T STOP
HIM FROM DOING IT.
DID YOU KNOW THAT I
ENVIED YOU, MARGE?
I CAN'T EMBRACE THE
WORLD AS YOU DO.
AND IN MY ENVY, I RELEASED
THAT FRIGHTENED CHILD INSIDE
ME AND I LET HIM HURT YOU.
I TRIED TO HURT YOU, TOO, GREG.
I GAVE BAD REVIEWS TO YOUR PLAYS
WHEN I SHOULD HAVE GIVEN PRAISE.
I COVETED YOUR TALENT
BECAUSE I HAVE NONE.
AND I HURT YOU IN EVERY
CHILDISH WAY I COULD.
I, UH, I THINK WE'D BETTER GO.
ESTHER... ( door opens)
I'VE HURT YOU MOST OF ALL.
YOU CAME TO ME WITH LOVE,
BUT YOU FRIGHTENED ME.
I DON'T KNOW HOW TO RETURN LOVE
EXCEPT AS A CHILD DOES...
WITH SHRIEKS AND
BLOWS AND INDIFFERENCE.
GOOD NIGHT, ESTHER.
UH... Greg: ESTHER...
WILL YOU COME WITH ME?
Gerald: WHERE ARE
YOU ALL GOING?!
I DON'T WANT YOU TO LEAVE.
COME BACK!
IF YOU LEAVE ME, I'M
GOING TO BE VERY NAUGHTY!
( "Brahms' Lullaby" continues)
( music stops)
( grunting)
DON'T LAUGH AT ME.
I'M NOT LAUGHING, MR. FORTUNE.
YOU'RE NOT FUNNY ANYMORE.
MR. FITZGERALD FORTUNE,
A MAN WHO WENT SEARCHING
FOR CONCEALED PERSONS
AND FOUND HIMSELF
IN THE TWILIGHT ZONE.
Announcer: ROD SERLING,
CREATOR OF THE TWILIGHT ZONE,
WILL TELL YOU ABOUT
NEXT WEEK'S STORY
AFTER THIS MESSAGE.
AND NOW, MR. SERLING.
A SYMBOL OF A SAD BUT
RATHER COMMONPLACE EVENT.
AN IMPRESSIVE FUNERAL,
THE DECEASED LAID OUT
IN A MOST ACCEPTABLE MANNER...
BUT IN THIS CASE, AT THE
LAST MOMENT DECIDING
THAT IN MATTERS CONCERNING
THE TRIP TO THE GREAT BEYOND,
PERHAPS THIS TRIP
WASN'T NECESSARY.
YOU'LL SEE IT NEXT WEEK
ON THE TWILIGHT ZONE
WHEN WE PRESENT
MONTGOMERY PITTMAN'S
"THE LAST RITES OF
JEFF MYRTLEBANK."
VERY OFTEN WHEN YOU WRITE FOR
A LIVING, YOU RUN ACROSS BLOCKS...
MOMENTS WHEN YOU CAN'T
THINK OF THE RIGHT THING TO SAY.
NOW HAPPILY, THERE ARE
NO BLOCKS TO GET IN THE WAY
OF THE FULL PLEASURE
OF CHESTERFIELD.
GREAT TOBACCOS MAKE
IT A WONDERFUL SMOKE.
TRY 'EM; THEY SATISFY.
THIS IS JAMES ARNESS.
YOU KNOW, IT'S ONLY A SHORT HOP
FROM THE TWILIGHT ZONE TO
DODGE CITY AND GUNSMOKE,
SATURDAY NIGHTS OVER
MOST OF THESE STATIONS.
YOU'RE TRAVELING THROUGH
ANOTHER DIMENSION...
A DIMENSION NOT ONLY OF
SIGHT AND SOUND, BUT OF MIND,
A JOURNEY INTO A WONDROUS LAND
WHOSE BOUNDARIES
ARE THAT OF IMAGINATION.
YOUR NEXT STOP,
THE TWILIGHT ZONE.
HELLO, IS ANYONE THERE?
HELLO!
IS ANYONE THERE?
WELL, HOW DO YOU DO?
I'M FITZGERALD FORTUNE...
THE THEATER CRITIC.
SO WHAT?
ISN'T RUDENESS SOMETHING OF A
HANDICAP IN YOUR LINE OF WORK?
WHAT'S THAT TO YOU, HMM?
WHEN I SAW THE NAME
"TREASURES UNLIMITED,"
I STEPPED THROUGH THAT
DOOR FULLY EXPECTING
TO ENCOUNTER SOME
SENTIMENTAL OLD BIDDY
IN AN OSTRICH-PLUMED HAT
AND A MOTH-EATEN FEATHER BOA.
INSTEAD, TO MY SINCERE DELIGHT,
I SEEM TO HAVE
DISCOVERED A MISANTHROPE.
WHAT'S THAT?
A MAN WHO DESPISES PEOPLE.
I GOT WORK TO DO, MISTER.
WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?
I AM LOOKING FOR A PRESENT
FOR MY WIFE'S BIRTHDAY.
WRONG PLACE, WRONG
PLACE, JUNK SHOP.
EXACTLY.
YOU SEE, MY WIFE HAS
THE ABSURD NOTION
THAT SHE WOULD LIKE TO
LEARN TO PLAY THE PIANO.
UNFORTUNATELY, SHE
HASN'T A TRACE OF TALENT.
SO, DO YOU HAPPEN TO HAVE
ONE OF THOSE OLD PIANOS
THAT PLAYS ITSELF?
GOT ONE. DON'T KNOW
IF IT WORKS OR NOT.
BUT IT'S OLD.
SPLENDID.
WOULD YOU MIND
SHOWING IT TO ME, PLEASE?
YOU'RE TAKING A LOT
OF MY TIME, MISTER.
YOU'RE TAKING AN
EQUAL AMOUNT OF MINE.
( "I'm in the Mood
for Love" playing)
WHAT BIRTHDAY DOES
THIS MAKE FOR YOUR WIFE?
THE 26th.
SO YOUNG.
YOU MUST BE A MAN OF
GREAT PERSONAL MAGNETISM
TO ATTRACT A WIFE SO YOUNG.
I AM.
UTTERLY ROMANTIC...
YOUTH AND WISDOM, HAND IN HAND.
HOW I'D LOVE TO SEE
THE TWO OF YOU TOGETHER.
WHAT... WHAT A
PICTURE YOU MUST MAKE.
AND FOR HER BIRTHDAY, YOU'RE
GIVING HER THE GIFT OF MUSIC.
OH, HOW TOUCHING.
WHAT IS THE PRICE OF THE PIANO?
YOU ARE TAKING YOUR YOUNG
BRIDE OUT SOMEWHERE TONIGHT, HMM?
SOME QUIET NOOK
WHERE YOU CAN BE LOST TOGETHER
IN THE MIDST OF THE GREAT WORLD,
LOOKING INTO EACH OTHER'S EYES.
HOW MUCH FOR THE PIANO?
IT'S WORTH $250,
BUT SINCE IT'S FOR
A BIRTHDAY PRESENT
I'LL LET YOU HAVE IT FOR $200.
I SHALL EXPECT DELIVERY
BEFORE 6:00 THIS EVENING.
THE ADDRESS IS RIGHT
HERE ON MY CHECK.
CERTAINLY... I SHOULDN'T LIKE
TO HAVE THE LITTLE LADY
DISAPPOINTED ON HER BIRTHDAY.
HAS IT OCCURRED TO YOU
THAT YOU'RE
EXTRAORDINARILY SUSCEPTIBLE
TO THE POWER OF MUSIC?
ISN'T EVERYBODY?
WELL... TO SOME DEGREE, YES.
( music stops)
YOU GOING TO STAND
AROUND ALL DAY TAKING
MY GOOD TIME?
NO, I WAS JUST GOING.
OH, THERE'S THE DOOR.
TELL ME, ARE YOU SENTIMENTAL
ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE
BESIDE BIRTHDAYS?
BIRTHDAYS? THEY'RE
A STUPID WASTE
OF TIME AND MONEY.
EXTRAORDINARY.
MR. FITZGERALD FORTUNE,
THEATER CRITIC AND CYNIC AT LARGE,
ON HIS WAY TO A BIRTHDAY PARTY.
IF HE KNEW WHAT IS IN STORE FOR
HIM, HE PROBABLY WOULDN'T GO,
BECAUSE BEFORE
THIS EVENING IS OVER
THAT CRANKY OLD PIANO IS GOING
TO PLAY "THOSE PIANO-ROLL BLUES"
WITH SOME EFFECTS THAT
COULD HAPPEN ONLY IN
THE TWILIGHT ZONE.
GOOD EVENING, SIR.
YOU'VE DUSTED THE PIANO, I SEE.
YES, SIR.
IT CAME AN HOUR AGO, SIR.
OH, MARVIN... YES, SIR?
IF YOU'RE GOING TO WAIT
AT THE PARTY TONIGHT
DO YOU THINK YOU COULD MANAGE
TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR FACE?
MY FACE, SIR?
A PARTY IS SUPPOSED
TO BE A HAPPY OCCASION.
DO YOU THINK YOU
COULD MANAGE TO BE
A LITTLE LESS
MISERABLE THAN USUAL?
I WILL DO MY BEST, SIR.
Woman: IS THAT YOU, GERALD?
YES, ESTHER.
HELLO, DARLING.
ESTHER, I WANT YOU
TO LET MARVIN GO.
WHAT'S HE DONE?
NO, IT'S NOT ANYTHING
THAT HE'S DONE.
IT'S JUST THE WAY HE LOOKS.
I HATE TO COME HOME EVERY
EVENING AND BE CONFRONTED
BY THAT LUGUBRIOUS
EXPRESSION OF HIS...
UNSPEAKABLY
DEPRESSING. LOOK AT HIM!
LOOKS AS IF HE'S GOING TO
BURST INTO TEARS AT ANY MOMENT.
SURELY AT LEAST WE CAN HAVE
A SERVANT WHO'S CHEERFUL
TO HAVE AROUND.
THERE'S NO NEED TO
HURT HIS FEELINGS, DEAR.
HE HAS NO FEELINGS.
THE MAN'S A CLOD.
WELL, YOU DON'T LIKE
THE PIANO, I TAKE IT.
OH, I LOVE THE
PIANO, I REALLY DO.
EH, HAVE YOU PLAYED IT?
I DIDN'T KNOW HOW IT WORKED,
SO I THOUGHT I'D WAIT
UNTIL YOU CAME HOME.
YOU SEE, I REMEMBERED
THAT YOU WANTED TO
LEARN TO PLAY THE PIANO.
THIS PIANO PLAYS ITSELF.
YES, WASN'T THAT
CONSIDERATE OF ME?
SEE, I DIDN'T WANT YOU
TO TAKE ALL THOSE
TEDIOUS LESSONS
AND THEN FIND OUT
AT THE END OF IT ALL
THAT YOU REALLY HAD
NO MUSICAL TALENT AT ALL.
I SEE.
WELL, DARLING?
NO THANKS FOR MY
BIRTHDAY PRESENT?
NO EMOTION OF ANY KIND?
THANK YOU, GERALD.
WELL, NOW, LET'S HEAR
WHAT THIS ONE SOUNDS LIKE.
IT HAS A HAPPY-ENOUGH
SOUNDING TITLE.
( ragtime tune playing)
THANK YOU, MARVIN.
MARVIN, WHAT ON EARTH
IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?
Esther: ARE YOU FEELING
ALL RIGHT, MARVIN?
I'M VERY WELL,
THANK YOU, MADAME.
BUT YOU'RE SMILING.
AM I?
Gerald: YOU MOST CERTAINLY ARE.
THAT'S PROBABLY
BECAUSE I'M HAPPY, SIR.
WHAT ARE YOU HAPPY ABOUT?
EVERYTHING...
I MAKE GOOD MONEY,
GOT A NICE PLACE TO LIVE,
MY HEALTH, MONEY IN
THE BANK, I LIKE MY JOB!
BUT YOU COULDN'T POSSIBLY.
I TREAT YOU ATROCIOUSLY.
OH, YOU DON'T BOTHER ME,
MR. FORTUNE, YOU TICKLE ME.
SOMETIMES IT'S ALL I CAN DO
TO KEEP FROM LAUGHING OUT LOUD
WHEN YOU HAVE ONE
OF YOUR TANTRUMS.
I GET A GREAT KICK OF
IT WHEN YOU GO AROUND
FLICKING THE FURNITURE
TO SEE IF I'VE DUSTED,
OR CHECKING THE SILVER
TO SEE IF IT'S POLISHED.
( laughing) ( music stops)
I'M SORRY IF I SPOKE
OUT OF PLACE, SIR.
OH, ON THE CONTRARY, MARVIN.
I'M VERY GLAD YOU DID.
YOU MAY GO, THANK YOU.
WHAT A STRANGE THING TO HAPPEN.
YES, WASN'T IT?
WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT
THAT BENEATH THAT
GLOOMY EXTERIOR
THE MAN WAS CONCEALING
A SUNNY NATURE?
OF COURSE, I'VE ALWAYS BELIEVED
THAT WE HAVE TWO FACES...
ONE THAT WE WEAR
AND THE OTHER
THAT WE KEEP HIDDEN.
THE PROBLEM HAS ALWAYS
BEEN TO FIND SOME METHOD
TO MAKE PEOPLE REVEAL
THEIR HIDDEN FACES.
YES, I SUPPOSE IT HELPS
IF YOU KNOW WHAT
PARTICULAR HIDDEN FACE
YOU'RE LOOKING FOR.
( "Thieving Magpie" playing)
HOW DO YOU LIKE
THIS MUSIC, ESTHER?
YOU... BEAST!
I'VE CONTROLLED
MYSELF FOR SIX YEARS...
AND I CAN'T STAND IT ANY LONGER.
I WAS A STUPID CHILD
WHEN I MARRIED YOU.
I THOUGHT YOU WERE A GREAT MAN.
BUT YOU AREN'T. YOU'RE
JUST A SADISTIC FIEND.
YOU TAKE PLEASURE
IN HUMILIATING ME
IN FRONT OF YOUR CLEVER FRIENDS.
YOU ENJOY HURTING ME.
I'VE STOOD YOUR
CRUELTY FOR SIX YEARS,
AND I CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE.
ARE YOU FEELING WELL, MY DEAR?
I FEEL BETTER THAN
I'VE FELT FOR YEARS.
IT'S A GREAT RELIEF TO TELL YOU
WHAT I REALLY THINK ABOUT YOU.
I'VE KEPT IT BOTTLED
UP FOR SO LONG.
I THOUGHT YOU NEEDED ME.
I THOUGHT YOU NEEDED
MY LOVE, BUT YOU DON'T.
YOU JUST NEED SOMEONE TO BULLY
AND TO TORTURE
WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE IT.
I TRIED TO LOVE YOU...
HEAVEN KNOWS I DID...
BUT I HATE YOU.
I HATE YOU!
( music stops)
( clapping)
CONGRATULATIONS, MY DEAR.
A MAGNIFICENT PERFORMANCE.
IF YOU'D BEEN ON STAGE, ESTHER,
I SHOULD HAVE GIVEN
YOU SUPERLATIVE REVIEWS.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT POSSESSED ME.
WELL, I DO!
I SEEM TO HAVE BOUGHT YOU
A MORE INTERESTING
BIRTHDAY PRESENT
THAN I'D THOUGHT.
I WONDER WHAT OTHER
PEOPLE ARE HIDING.
GERALD, PROMISE ME
THAT YOU WON'T PLAY
THE PIANO AGAIN AT
THE PARTY TONIGHT.
I PROMISE NO SUCH THING.
I WASN'T LOOKING FORWARD
TO THIS PARTY VERY MUCH.
BUT NOW I THINK
WE'RE GOING TO HAVE
A MOST AMUSING EVENING.
GOOD EVENING, MARVIN.
GOOD EVENING, SIR.
GERRY?
GREG! GOOD TO SEE YOU.
SCOTCH?
OF COURSE.
YOU'RE UNUSUALLY
CORDIAL TONIGHT.
THAT IS YOUR SMILE
YOU'RE WEARING, ISN'T IT?
I TOOK IT OUT OF COLD STORAGE
IN HONOR OF ESTHER'S BIRTHDAY.
WELL, NOT I. I DON'T PLAN
TO SMILE ALL EVENING.
I'M GLAD TO SEE YOU SHARE
MY DISTASTE FOR BIRTHDAYS.
GREG: WELL, BIRTHDAYS,
ANNIVERSARIES
AND CERTAIN HOLIDAYS I
OVERLOOK WHENEVER POSSIBLE.
THEY SEEM TO IMPLY A CERTAIN
STICKY HUMAN INVOLVEMENT
WHICH I'D MUCH RATHER AVOID.
OH, IS THAT TRUE? I'D
ALWAYS GATHERED YOU WERE
SOMETHING OF A LADIES' MAN,
RATHER THICKLY INVOLVED.
YOU'VE BEEN MISINFORMED,
GERRY, MY BOY.
I'M MUCH TOO SELFISH
TO FALL IN LOVE.
AND YOU'RE MISERABLE.
NOT IN THE LEAST.
I VALUE THE PEACE AND QUIET OF
MY ORDERLY BACHELOR EXISTENCE.
LETS ME WRITE MY PLAYS WITHOUT
INTERFERENCE FROM ANYONE.
OH, YES, HOW IS THE NEW PLAY?
Greg: BRILLIANT.
BY THE WAY, WHERE
IS THE BIRTHDAY GIRL?
OH, SHE'S STILL AT
HER MAKEUP TABLE.
HER EMOTIONS WERE SHOWING,
AND SHE'S COVERING UP A LITTLE.
TELL ME, WHAT DO YOU THINK
OF THIS AMUSING LITTLE TOY
I FOUND FOR HER?
I HAVEN'T SEEN ONE OF
THOSE OLD JOBS IN YEARS.
DOESN'T PLAY, DOES IT?
IT DOES, INDEED.
PLAYS REMARKABLY WELL.
LET ME SHOW YOU.
I HAVE A PIECE
ESPECIALLY FOR YOU.
( dance tune playing)
ROMANTIC, WOULDN'T YOU SAY?
IS ESTHER PLEASED WITH IT?
WELL, SHE HASN'T SHOWN
ANY GREAT ENTHUSIASM.
THAT DOESN'T SOUND LIKE ESTHER.
USUALLY SHE'S SO GRATEFUL FOR
ANY SMALL SHOW OF AFFECTION.
I THINK THAT'S ONE OF HER
MOST LOVABLE QUALITIES...
THE ABILITY TO ACCEPT
A BOUQUET OF DAISIES
AS THOUGH THEY WERE
THE RAREST OF ORCHIDS.
I REMEMBER I ONCE GAVE HER A
SMALL RING, A TURQUOISE RING.
SHE ACCEPTED IT AS IF IT
WERE THE HOPE DIAMOND.
OH, I REMEMBER WHEN SHE BROUGHT
THAT RING BACK FROM MEXICO CITY.
BUT I SEEM TO RECALL THAT
SHE WENT THERE ALONE.
YES, YES, SHE DID.
WE RAN INTO EACH
OTHER DOWN THERE.
SHE NEVER MENTIONED IT.
WASN'T THAT RATHER
AN ODD COINCIDENCE?
GERRY, HAS IT EVER
OCCURRED TO YOU
THAT I'M VERY DEEPLY
IN LOVE WITH YOUR WIFE?
MY DEAR GREG... I ALWAYS
BELIEVED THAT YOU WERE
ABOUT AS CAPABLE OF
PASSION AS A HEAD OF LETTUCE
AND ESTHER'S EMOTIONAL POWER
WAS THAT OF A NEWBORN KITTEN.
NOW DON'T SPEAK OF HER THAT WAY.
I'LL SPEAK OF HER
ANY WAY I PLEASE.
SHE'S MY WIFE.
YOU DON'T KNOW ESTHER AT ALL.
ESTHER IS FULL OF LOVE.
HER SKIN IS WARM
AND SOFT LIKE VELVET.
THE SCENT OF HER HAIR IS
ENOUGH TO DRIVE A MAN WILD.
AND... HER HANDS ARE GENTLE,
SWEET TO KISS AND TO HOLD.
ESTHER IS MUSIC... GERALD, NO!
HONEY, ESTHER IS...
OH, I'M SORRY YOU
DID THAT, MY DEAR.
I DON'T KNOW WHEN I'VE
BEEN SO HIGHLY ENTERTAINED.
ESTHER, I'M SORRY.
I CAN'T EXPLAIN WHAT HAPPENED.
IT'S PROBABLY JUST AS WELL.
I NEVER ENJOYED
DECEIVING YOU, GERALD.
MY DEAR, YOU'RE
INCAPABLE OF DECEIVING ME.
I'VE KNOWN FOR YEARS
OF YOUR CAPACITY
FOR DOING ANY NUMBER
OF SORDID LITTLE THINGS.
THE ONLY REVELATION
THAT'S BEEN MADE TO ME
HAS BEEN THE SPECIFIC DETAILS
OF YOUR SQUALID LITTLE AFFAIR.
( doorbell rings)
OH, OUR GUESTS ARE ARRIVING.
BEFORE I WELCOME THEM,
MAY I WISH YOU A HAPPY
BIRTHDAY, MY DEAR,
AND HOPE THAT THE NEXT 26 YEARS
WILL BE EQUALLY REWARDING.
GERALD, PLEASE DON'T USE
THE PIANO AGAIN TONIGHT.
IT'S NOT SOMETHING
THAT YOU FOOL WITH.
I'M NOT FOOLING
WITH IT, MY DEAR.
I'M USING IT WITH
DEADLY ACCURACY.
HI, MARVIN!
GOOD EVENING, MISS MOORE.
MARGE, MY DEAR, DO COME IN.
WELL, DON'T JUST STAND THERE,
DEVOURING ME WITH YOUR EYES.
KISS ME, YOU FOOL.
MARGE, I'M REALLY
VEXED WITH YOU.
YOU PROMISED ME THE
NEXT TIME I SAW YOU
YOU'D BE AS SVELTE
AS AN ANTELOPE.
Marge: I'VE BEEN ON MORE
DIETS THAN ARCARO HAS HORSES.
BUT SOMEHOW, I ALWAYS MANAGE
TO GET THROWN
BEFORE THE FINISH LINE.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ESTHER.
THANK YOU, MARGE.
I'M NOT EVEN SPEAKING
TO YOU, HANDSOME.
DO YOU REALIZE IT'S BEEN
MONTHS SINCE YOU'VE CALLED ME?
SOMEBODY ELSE
BEEN TAKING MY PLACE?
AS A MATTER OF FACT, YES.
WE'VE JUST BEEN HAVING AN
ILLUMINATING DISCUSSION ABOUT
GREG'S NEW ROMANCE.
DON'T TELL ME HER NAME,
OR I JUST MIGHT
SCRATCH HER EYES OUT.
OR WORSE YET, I MIGHT JUST SIT
ON HER AND MASH HER TO DEATH.
( cackles)
WELL, ISN'T SOMEBODY
GOING TO OFFER ME
A DRINK? ( doorbell rings)
OH, YOU'LL HAVE
TO TALK TO MARVIN.
I BELIEVE ANOTHER
STAGECOACH IS ARRIVING.
DARLING, YOU LOOK RAVISHING.
HOW ARE YOU? MWA.
HI. ROSS, GOOD TO SEE YOU.
HELLO, MARY. HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
OH, THIS LOOKS MARVELOUS.
OH, THIS LOOKS MARVELOUS!
WHY DON'T YOU HAVE ONE?
NOT WITH MY DIET.
DIET? WHAT'S THAT?
Gerald: ALL RIGHT, EVERYONE,
NOW, MAY I HAVE YOUR
ATTENTION, PLEASE?
NOW, UM, WOULD
YOU JUST FIND SEATS.
ANYWHERE, UH, ON
THE FLOOR WILL BE FINE.
NOT ME, I'D NEVER
BE ABLE TO GET UP.
Gerald: THE TIME HAS
COME FOR FUN AND GAMES.
NOW, BEING MOSTLY
FRIENDS OF ESTHER'S
YOU'RE PROBABLY INCLINED
TO SUCH INTELLECTUAL PURSUITS
AS, UH, SPIN THE
BOTTLE OR PIN THE TAIL
ON THE DONKEY. HOWEVER, TONIGHT
I THOUGHT RATHER THAN CATER
TO YOUR JUVENILE MENTALITIES
WE MIGHT PERHAPS HAVE A
RATHER MORE ADULT GAME.
WHEN ARE WE GOING TO
CUT THE CAKE? I'M HUNGRY!
Gerald: COMPULSIVE EATERS
WILL FIND HORS D'OEUVRES
WITHIN ARM'S REACH.
NOW, FOR THIS GAME, WE
SHALL NEED A VOLUNTEER.
WELL, IN THE ABSENCE
OF A VOLUNTEER
I SHALL HAVE TO
CONSCRIPT SOMEONE.
UM... MARGE MOORE.
ME?
OKAY, SVENGALI, UH,
WHAT'S THE CAPER?
Gerald: ALL I WANT YOU
TO DO IS TO LISTEN TO
SOME MUSIC, MY DEAR.
OH, WELL, I CAN DO THAT!
( "Clair de Lune" plays)
TALK TO ME, MARGE.
TELL ME WHAT YOU'RE FEELING.
MY NAME ISN'T MARGE.
WHAT IS YOUR NAME?
MY NAME IS TINA.
WHO ARE YOU, TINA?
I'M A LITTLE GIRL.
WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO?
OH, I LOVE TO DANCE.
ALL RIGHT, TINA, DANCE FOR US.
( raucous laughter)
SHH!
ALL RIGHT, YOU MAY
STOP DANCING NOW, TINA.
TELL ME, ARE YOU ALWAYS TINA?
NOT ALWAYS.
WHAT ELSE ARE YOU, MARGE?
SOMETIMES, I PRETEND
THAT I'M A SNOWFLAKE;
WHITE AND TINY AND
PERFECTLY FORMED.
I FLOAT ON THE AIR
OF A PALE BLUE MOONLIT NIGHT.
I'M NEVER LONELY...
BEAUTIFUL AND SLENDER.
OH, AND I'M LOVED.
I SEE A MAN WITH HIS
HAND STRETCHED OUT.
I DRIFT DOWN AND
REACH THAT HAND.
I'M ENCLOSED BY HIS WARMTH
AND I MELT WITH HIS LOVE.
( Gerald laughs)
( music stops)
IT WAS ALL IN FUN, MY DEAR.
I CHOSE YOU ESPECIALLY,
BECAUSE I THOUGHT
YOU'D ENJOY A JOKE.
Esther: GERALD!
DON'T YOU THINK THAT WE'VE HAD
ENOUGH OF THAT PIANO
FOR TONIGHT? OH, NOT QUITE.
SIT DOWN, SIT DOWN, EVERYBODY.
I'M GOING TO CALL
FORTH THE DEVIL.
I HARDLY THINK WE
SHALL GET A VOLUNTEER,
BUT THAT DOESN'T MATTER.
ESTHER, PUT THIS ON THE PIANO.
NOW, CHEER UP, DARLING.
IT'S ONLY A GAME.
( drink pouring)
NOW, THIS IS GOING TO BE FAUST.
SO IF THERE REALLY
IS A DEVIL AMONG US
WE SHALL KNOW IT SOON ENOUGH.
( Brahms' "Lullaby" playing)
SAY SOMETHING, DEVIL.
I'M AFRAID.
WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF, DEVIL?
I'M AFRAID OF THE DARK.
WHY, YOU'RE NOT A DEVIL.
YOU'RE JUST A POOR,
FRIGHTENED KID.
THAT'S A SECRET.
TELL US YOUR SECRET, GERRY.
I'M AFRAID OF YOU ALL.
I'M AFRAID OF PEOPLE.
THERE'S A SMALL, FRIGHTENED BOY,
AND I'VE KEPT HIM
HIDDEN AWAY INSIDE ME.
AND HE ONLY LIKES
TO HURT PEOPLE,
AND I CAN'T STOP
HIM FROM DOING IT.
DID YOU KNOW THAT I
ENVIED YOU, MARGE?
I CAN'T EMBRACE THE
WORLD AS YOU DO.
AND IN MY ENVY, I RELEASED
THAT FRIGHTENED CHILD INSIDE
ME AND I LET HIM HURT YOU.
I TRIED TO HURT YOU, TOO, GREG.
I GAVE BAD REVIEWS TO YOUR PLAYS
WHEN I SHOULD HAVE GIVEN PRAISE.
I COVETED YOUR TALENT
BECAUSE I HAVE NONE.
AND I HURT YOU IN EVERY
CHILDISH WAY I COULD.
I, UH, I THINK WE'D BETTER GO.
ESTHER... ( door opens)
I'VE HURT YOU MOST OF ALL.
YOU CAME TO ME WITH LOVE,
BUT YOU FRIGHTENED ME.
I DON'T KNOW HOW TO RETURN LOVE
EXCEPT AS A CHILD DOES...
WITH SHRIEKS AND
BLOWS AND INDIFFERENCE.
GOOD NIGHT, ESTHER.
UH... Greg: ESTHER...
WILL YOU COME WITH ME?
Gerald: WHERE ARE
YOU ALL GOING?!
I DON'T WANT YOU TO LEAVE.
COME BACK!
IF YOU LEAVE ME, I'M
GOING TO BE VERY NAUGHTY!
( "Brahms' Lullaby" continues)
( music stops)
( grunting)
DON'T LAUGH AT ME.
I'M NOT LAUGHING, MR. FORTUNE.
YOU'RE NOT FUNNY ANYMORE.
MR. FITZGERALD FORTUNE,
A MAN WHO WENT SEARCHING
FOR CONCEALED PERSONS
AND FOUND HIMSELF
IN THE TWILIGHT ZONE.
Announcer: ROD SERLING,
CREATOR OF THE TWILIGHT ZONE,
WILL TELL YOU ABOUT
NEXT WEEK'S STORY
AFTER THIS MESSAGE.
AND NOW, MR. SERLING.
A SYMBOL OF A SAD BUT
RATHER COMMONPLACE EVENT.
AN IMPRESSIVE FUNERAL,
THE DECEASED LAID OUT
IN A MOST ACCEPTABLE MANNER...
BUT IN THIS CASE, AT THE
LAST MOMENT DECIDING
THAT IN MATTERS CONCERNING
THE TRIP TO THE GREAT BEYOND,
PERHAPS THIS TRIP
WASN'T NECESSARY.
YOU'LL SEE IT NEXT WEEK
ON THE TWILIGHT ZONE
WHEN WE PRESENT
MONTGOMERY PITTMAN'S
"THE LAST RITES OF
JEFF MYRTLEBANK."
VERY OFTEN WHEN YOU WRITE FOR
A LIVING, YOU RUN ACROSS BLOCKS...
MOMENTS WHEN YOU CAN'T
THINK OF THE RIGHT THING TO SAY.
NOW HAPPILY, THERE ARE
NO BLOCKS TO GET IN THE WAY
OF THE FULL PLEASURE
OF CHESTERFIELD.
GREAT TOBACCOS MAKE
IT A WONDERFUL SMOKE.
TRY 'EM; THEY SATISFY.
THIS IS JAMES ARNESS.
YOU KNOW, IT'S ONLY A SHORT HOP
FROM THE TWILIGHT ZONE TO
DODGE CITY AND GUNSMOKE,
SATURDAY NIGHTS OVER
MOST OF THESE STATIONS.