The Twilight Zone (1959–1964): Season 3, Episode 20 - Showdown with Rance McGrew - full transcript

( theme music playing)

YOU'RE TRAVELING THROUGH
ANOTHER DIMENSION...

A DIMENSION NOT ONLY OF
SIGHT AND SOUND, BUT OF MIND,

A JOURNEY INTO A WONDROUS LAND

WHOSE BOUNDARIES
ARE THAT OF IMAGINATION.

YOUR NEXT STOP,
THE TWILIGHT ZONE.

HE AIN'T HERE YET.

HE'LL BE ALONG.

HE KNOWS WHAT'S
WAITING FOR HIM HERE.

HE KNOWS HE'S GOING TO GET SHOT.

NO QUESTION ABOUT THAT.



I THINK I HEAR HIM COMING NOW.

( jazz music playing
loudly on radio)

( music stops)

WELL, IT'S ABOUT TIME.

YOU'RE AN HOUR AND
15 MINUTES LATE, RANCE.

SY, SY, SY, DON'T START THAT.

YOU KNOW HOW EMOTIONAL SCENES

UPSET ME BEFORE WE SHOOT. AH!

NOW, DON'T GET UPSET,
RANCE... ( whinnying)

WHAT DO YOU SAY WE GET STARTED?

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

THIS IS SCENE 71.
GOT YOUR SCRIPT?

READ IT TO ME.

COME ON, TOMMY, LET'S GO.



HUH? OH, SORRY.

IT'S THE INTERIOR, SALOON

COVER SHOT OF
THREE BAD MEN AT BAR.

RANCE McGREW ENTERS,
HE WALKS TO BAR,

HE GLANCES SIDEWAYS
LEFT AND RIGHT.

"LEFT AND RIGHT."

YOU THINK MY HEAD
IS ON A SWIVEL?

LISTEN, SY, WHEN A
COWBOY WALKS INTO A BAR,

HE WALKS STRAIGHT TO
THE OTHER END OF THE ROOM,

THEN HE TAKES HIS
DRINK AND LOOKS AT THAT,

THEN LOOKS STRAIGHT AHEAD.

HE DOESN'T LOOK LEFT AND RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT, RANCE, WE'LL
SHOOT IT YOUR WAY...

ANY WAY YOU WANT.

NOW, CAN WE BEGIN?

IN A MINUTE, IN A MINUTE.

MY STOMACH IS KILLING ME.

THESE SCENES, THESE
MISERABLE EMOTIONAL SCENES.

ALL RIGHT, LADDIES, LET'S
GET THIS ONE THIS TIME.

THIS IS SCENE 71.

IT'S A COVER SHOT OF
RANCE ENTERING THE SALOON.

NOW, LET'S GET WITH
IT, FELLAS, PLEASE.

WE'RE WAY BEHIND.

SECOND TEAM OUT.
THE STAR IS HERE.

SOME 100-ODD YEARS AGO,

A MOTLEY COLLECTION
OF TOUGH MOUSTACHES

GALLOPED ACROSS THE WEST

AND LEFT BEHIND A RAFT OF
LEGENDS AND LEGERDEMAINS.

AND IT SEEMS A
REASONABLE CONJECTURE

THAT IF THERE ARE ANY TELEVISION
SETS UP IN COWBOY HEAVEN

ANY ONE OF THESE ROUGH AND
WOOLLY NAIL-EATERS COULD SEE

WITH WHAT CARELESS ABANDON

THEIR NAMES AND EXPLOITS
ARE BEING BANDIED ABOUT.

THEY'RE VERY LIKELY TURNING
OVER IN THEIR GRAVES...

OR WORSE, GETTING OUT OF THEM.

WHICH GIVES YOU A CLUE

AS TO THE PROCEEDINGS THAT
WILL BEGIN IN JUST A MOMENT

WHEN ONE MR. RANCE McGREW,

A 3,000-BUCK-A-WEEK
PHONY BALONEY,

DISCOVERS THAT THIS WEEK'S
CURRENT EDITION OF MAKE-BELIEVE

IS BEING SHOT ON LOCATION

AND THAT LOCATION
IS THE TWILIGHT ZONE.

SIX-GUN...

( gasps)

DRESS IT UP.

WE'LL WAIT FOR THE NEW GLASS.

YOU WIN.

Sy: YOU READY OUT THERE, RANCE?

Rance: YES.

ALL RIGHT. ACTION.

ROTGUT WHISKEY.

( glass breaking)

ALL RIGHT, WISE GUY.

CUT.

HE PUT ENGLISH ON
THAT DELIBERATELY.

AN ENGLISH ON A BOTTLE?

GUY NEEDS A CATCHER'S MITT.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S TRY IT AGAIN.

FROM THE BOTTLE.

ALL RIGHT, POSITIONS, PLEASE.

SCENE 71... AGAIN.

( clearing throats)

ACTION.

GUESS YOU BOYS
KNOW I'M THE MARSHAL.

WE HEARD TELL.

WE HEARD TELL.

I GUESS YOU KNOW THAT I KNOW

JESSE JAMES IS COMING
HERE LOOKING FOR ME.

I KNOW THAT, TOO.

LIKEWISE.

THERE'S SOMETHING ELSE I
KNOW THAT YOU DON'T KNOW...

THAT YOU DON'T KNOW THAT I
KNOW THAT YOU KNOW JESSE JAMES.

YOU TELL HIM I'M GOING
TO BE HERE WAITING.

I'LL BE RIGHT HERE WAITING.

Man: NOW, WE HEAR
THE HORSE RIDE UP,

HE STOPS, DISMOUNTS...

AND HE APPEARS ON THE PORCH.

FIGURED I'D BLUFFED YOU.

HERE ALREADY, AIN'T HE?

MARSHAL, MARSHAL, PLEASE.

NO KILLING IN HERE.

OH, I AIN'T AIMING TO KILL HIM.

JUST GOING TO
MAIM HIM A LITTLE BIT.

JUST GOING TO
PICK OFF HIS PINKIE.

JESSE AIN'T GOING TO
TAKE KINDLY TO THAT. NO.

( sucks teeth)

CUT.

ALL RIGHT, WE'LL
BRING IN JESSE HERE.

READY, JESSE?

Man: YES.

ACTION.

MARSHAL McGREW, AIN'T IT?

YIP.

YOU'RE ABOUT TO BREATHE
YOUR LAST, MARSHAL.

( gunshot)

CAN'T WIN 'EM ALL.

( laughing)

( laughing)

( laughing turns to sobbing)

ALL RIGHT, JESSE,
THIS IS IT... YOU AND ME,

MAN TO MAN.

STUNTMAN!

OKAY.

STUNTMAN! STUNTMAN!

STUNTMAN.

ALL RIGHT, CUT AND PRINT IT.

GOOD SHOW, REALLY GOOD SHOW.

THANKS A LOT, MR. McGREW.

ALL RIGHT, BOYS, THIS
IS THE DEATH SCENE.

RANCE, IN THE BAR.

JESSE LIES OVER THERE.

RANCE THINKS THAT
HE'S UNCONSCIOUS.

JESSE TAKES A GUN
UP OFF THE FLOOR

AND FIRES AT RANCE'S BACK.

AT HIS BACK?

THAT'S RIGHT.

NOW, LOOK, SY, I DON'T
WANT TO FIGHT YOU

BUT THAT'S NOT HOW JESSE
JAMES USED TO OPERATE.

HE FOUGHT PRETTY FAIR.

CAN'T I YELL SOMETHING?

OH, THAT'S THINKING, THAT'S
REAL CREATIVE THINKING...

WARN THE FASTEST GUN IN THE
WEST THAT HE'S ABOUT TO BE SHOT.

LOOK, WHEN YOU'RE UP
AGAINST RANCE McGREW

YOU PLAY IT DIRTY,
OR YOU PLAY IT DEAD.

NOW, LET'S GET ON WITH IT.

THIS IS COLA.

I TOLD YOU I WANTED GINGER ALE.

IT'S GOT TO LOOK LIKE WHISKEY.

SY,

EITHER STRAIGHTEN
THIS OAF OUT OR FIRE HIM.

MR. McGREW WANTS GINGER ALE.

OKAY, GINGER ALE.

YOUR HEAD AGAINST
THE BAR, FEET OUT HERE.

I DON'T CARE WHAT HE SAYS.

JESSE JAMES WOULDN'T
SHOOT ANYBODY IN THE BACK.

YEAH, BUT RANCE McGREW WOULD.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S GET WITH IT.

SCENE 93, TAKE ONE.

AND, RANCE, BABY,
EASY ON THE MIRROR.

Sy: ACTION!

( player piano begins playing)

WHY, YOU STUPID
CLOD, THIS IS WHISKEY.

THIS IS REAL WHISKEY!

MARSHAL, MARSHAL...
JESSE'S GUNNING FOR YOU.

HE'S COMING RIGHT NOW.

WHY, YOU CEMENTHEAD,

HE ALREADY CAME IN IN SCENE 73.

I'M GOING TO CALL MY AGENT,
AND THIS TIME HE'D BETTER BE IN.

( footsteps approach
slowly, then stop)

THEY CALL ME JESSE JAMES...

THE REAL JESSE JAMES

NOT THAT SIDE OF PORK
THAT'S BEEN PLAYACTING ME.

CUT.

CUT!

SHOULDN'T WE CUT?

FOR PETE'S SAKE,
SOMEBODY... LET'S CUT!

I'D BE LOOKING FOR THE MARSHAL.

FELLA NAMED McGREW.

RANCE McGREW.

THATAWAY.

YOU WOULDN'T BE HIM, HUH?

WHERE'S THE FELLA WHO
LOANED ME THIS VEST?

MARSHAL, I THINK
MAYBE YOU AND ME

BETTER HAVE A LITTLE TALK.

MAYBE A LONG TALK,
MAYBE A SHORT TALK,

BUT A TALK.

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE TOUGH.

YOU DON'T LOOK SO TOUGH TO ME.

YOU KNOW WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE?

WELL, I HAVEN'T BEEN
TOO WELL LATELY.

YOU LOOK KIND OF
LIKE A MARSHMALLOW.

MM. MM.

DON'T THAT RILE YOU NONE?

( grunts)

COME ON, MARSHAL.

FIRST WE'LL HAVE A DRINK.

THEN WE'LL HAVE A TALK.

THEN WE'LL HAVE A SHOWDOWN.

TWO WHISKEYS... JUST
LEAVE THE BOTTLES.

MARSHMALLOW.

( laughs lightly)

YOU DON'T DO NOTHING VERY
WELL, DO YOU, MR. McGREW?

( coughs)

DON'T THAT RILE YOU NONE?

NO.

YOU'RE JUST ABOUT THE
MOST EVEN-TEMPERED DUDE

I EVER DID MEET.

HOWEVER...

I GOT NO TIME TO
BE SOCIAL, MARSHAL.

IT'S TIME WE COME TO A
MEETING OF THE MINDS.

WHY DO YOU SUPPOSE THEY'RE
ALL TAKING COVER, MARSHAL?

CLOSING TIME?

YES... YES, IT'S CURFEW.

WELL, GOOD-BYE, JESSE,

AND IT'S BEEN REALLY
VERY NICE MEETING YOU.

MARSHAL!

JUST HOLD IT RIGHT THERE.

HMM?

YOU WASN'T LEAVIN',
WAS YOU, MARSHAL?

I MEAN, YOU WASN'T
JUST GOING TO WALK OUT,

WAS YOU?

NO, NO, NO, I JUST, UH...

WANTED TO SEE IF IT
WAS GOING TO RAIN.

NO, NOT GOING TO RAIN.

I THOUGHT YOU WAS PLAYING

SOME KIND OF TRICK ON ME.

LIKE THE TIME THAT BAD GUY

HAD YOU COVERED IN THE BACK

AND YOU WENT THROUGH
THE SWINGING DOORS

AND SWUNG ONE DOOR BACK

AND KNOCKED THE GUN AWAY.

THAT WAS THE FIRST
SHOW LAST SEASON.

OR THOSE RUSTLERS
WAITING TO BUSHWHACK YOU.

TEN OR 11, WASN'T IT?

UH, 13.

I GOT NOMINATED FOR
AN EMMY ON THAT ONE.

OH, I BET YOU DID.

I JUST BET YOU DID.

FOLKS COULDN'T HELP BUT
ADMIRE A MAN OF YOUR TALENTS.

( laughing maniacally)

( laughing nervously)

YOU KNOW, THE THING
OF IT IS, MARSHAL,

THING OF IT IS...

I DON'T BELIEVE YOU EVER FIRED
A REAL GUN IN YOUR LIFE, DID YOU?

DID YOU EVER HIT A MAN IN ANGER

OR GET HIT IN ANGER YOURSELF?

TELL ME, DO YOU
EVER RIDE A HORSE?

ON... ON OCCASION.

SO YOU DON'T SHOOT, YOU
DON'T RIDE AND YOU DON'T FIGHT.

YOU JUST STRUT AROUND

GOING THROUGH THE MOTIONS

OF KILLING OFF FELLOWS LIKE ME.

NOW, I WOULDN'T SAY THAT.

NOW, LAST... LAST YEAR,
WE HAD ONE SCRIPT

IN WHICH ONE OF THE
DALTON BOYS WENT FREE.

HE TOLD ME ABOUT IT.

HE ALSO TOLD HOW
YOU CAPTURED HIM.

YOU JUMPED 800 FEET OFF A CLIFF

AND LANDED ON THE BACK OF HIS
HORSE WHEN HE WASN'T LOOKING.

NOW, MARSHAL, DID YOU
EVER JUMP 800 FEET OFF A CLIFF

AND LAND ON A MAN'S HORSE?

HEIGHTS... HEIGHTS
MAKE ME... ILL.

THAT FIGURES.

WE HAD A MEETING UP THERE...

ME, MY BROTHER
FRANK, THE DALTON BOYS,

SAM STARR, BILLY THE KID,

QUITE A FEW OTHERS.

AND THE CONSENSUS WAS

THAT YOU WASN'T DOING A
THING FOR OUR GOOD NAMES.

SO THEY CHOSE ME
TO COME DOWN HERE

AND MAYBE TAKE A
LITTLE OF THE SHINE

OFF YOUR PANTS.

HOW'S THAT?

DON'T YOU GET IT?

WE SEE YOU WEEK AFTER WEEK

KILLING OFF THIS
GUY AND THAT GUY,

CAPTURING THAT BUSHWHACKER
AND THAT RUSTLER.

BUT ALL THE TIME WINNING.

MAN, YOU JUST DON'T LOSE.

YOU ARE THE WINNINGEST FELLOW

THAT EVER COME DOWN THE PIKE.

SO ME AND MY FRIENDS, WE
FIGURED THAT MAYBE JUST ONCE

YOU OUGHT TO LOSE.

MM-HMM, YES, YES,
THAT'S A VERY GOOD IDEA

AND I WILL TAKE THAT
UP WITH THE PRODUCER.

I DON'T THINK THERE'LL
BE TIME TO TAKE IT UP

BECAUSE MISTER, YOU'RE
GOING TO LOSE RIGHT NOW.

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT:

I'M GOING TO BE
SQUARE WITH YOU...

A LOT SQUARER THAN YOU
EVER BEEN WITH ANY OF US.

FACE-TO-FACE, AND NO, UH...

WHAT DO YOU CALL THEM, STUNTMEN?

OUT ON THE STREET, YOU AND ME...

YOU COMING DOWN
ONE SIDE OF THE STREET,

ME COMING DOWN THE OTHER.

BUT THAT... THAT'S BEEN DONE.

DIDN'T YOU SEE
GUNFIGHT AT RED ROCK?

LOUSY. DIDN'T LIKE IT?

LET'S GO, MARSHAL.

NOW, YOU COME
AROUND THIS CORNER,

AND I'LL COME
AROUND THAT CORNER.

I'LL LET YOU MAKE
THE FIRST MOVE.

NOTHING COULD BE
FAIRER, COULD IT?

OH, MY, NO, NO INDEED.

WELL, UH... SHALL WE SAY
TOMORROW AFTERNOON?

THIS AFTERNOON... NOW.

WHY DOES IT HAVE TO
BE THIS AFTERNOON?

COULD HAVE BEEN
TOMORROW AFTERNOON.

RUSH, RUSH, RUSH.

RUSH, RUSH, RUSH,
THAT'S ALL ANYBODY KNOWS

IS RUSH, RUSH, RUSH.

MARSHAL?

WHERE ARE YOU, MARSHAL?

COME ON OUT, MARSHAL!

COME ON OUT, MARSHAL.

MARSHAL, WHERE ARE YOU?

COME ON, MARSHAL.

MARSHAL, I'M GOING
TO COUNT TO FIVE,

THEN WE'RE BOTH GOING TO DRAW.

ONE...

THIS IS RIDICULOUS...
IT'S NEVER DONE THIS WAY.

TWO...

I'M JUST DOING THIS
SERIES FOR THE RESIDUALS.

THREE...

AND BECAUSE THEY LET ME USE
MY OWN NAME AS THE CHARACTER.

FOUR...

I SUPPOSE YOU KNOW I
HAVE AN AGING MOTHER

AND MILLIONS OF FANS
ALL OVER THIS COUNTRY,

AND THEY'RE GOING
TO HATE YOU FOR THIS.

AND A LOT OF THEM ARE
JUST LIKE MY OLD MOTHER.

YOU'RE KILLING AN
AMERICAN INSTITUTION.

FIVE.

STUNTMAN! STUNTMAN!

REACH, MARSHAL.

JUST LIKE I FIGURED...

THIS GUY COULDN'T
OUTDRAW A CRAYON.

GIVE ME A BREAK,
WILL YOU, JESSE?

JESSE, GIVE ME A BREAK.

I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE.

I'LL DO ANYTHING YOU SAY,
JESSE, JUST GIVE ME A BREAK.

YOU SAY YOU GOT
NOMINATED FOR AN EMMY?

TWO, TWO.

YOU CAN'T ACT ANY
BETTER THAN YOU CAN DRAW.

JESSE, JESSE, JUST
GIVE ME A BREAK.

I'LL DO ANYTHING YOU SAY,
YOU... YOU... YOU JUST NAME IT.

ANYTHING?

YOU JUST NAME IT.

MARSHAL, MAYBE YOU AND ME
AIN'T TOO FAR AWAY FROM A BARGAIN.

I DON'T KNOW EXACTLY
WHAT IT IS I WANT,

BUT I'LL SURE THINK
ABOUT IT SOME.

YOU'RE NOT GOING
TO SHOOT ME DOWN?

NOPE.

TELL YOU WHAT I WILL DO.

I'M GOING TO STICK AROUND

MAKE SURE THAT YOU HAVE TO
PLAY IT CAREFUL FROM NOW ON.

WE MAY BE STIFFS UP THERE...

BUT WE'RE SENSITIVE.

JESSE?

JESSE?

JESSE?

IT ISN'T WHISKEY, MR. McGREW

IT'S GINGER ALE, JUST
LIKE YOU ORDERED.

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT, RANCE?

YES, YES, I'M... I'M ALL RIGHT.

WHERE'D YOU ALL GO?

WHERE'D WE GO? WE
DIDN'T GO ANYWHERE.

YOU SURE YOU'RE ALL RIGHT?

YEAH, YEAH, I'M FINE.

Sy: ALL RIGHT, NOW,
LET'S GET THIS SHOT NOW.

JESSE'S ON THE FLOOR.

YOU THINK HE'S UNCONSCIOUS.

SOMEBODY WANTS TO
TALK TO YOU, MR. McGREW.

WE'RE SHOOTING A SCENE.

HE SAYS HE'S RANCE'S AGENT.

MY AGENT?

LOOK, I DON'T KNOW WHAT
THE CHAIN OF COMMAND IS,

SO GO OUT AND TALK TO HIM.

FIND OUT WHAT IT IS HE WANTS

WHAT IT IS YOU WANT

AND WHAT IT IS WE CAN SHOOT.

HOWDY, MARSHAL.

( whinnying)

YOU SAID "ANYTHING,"

AND "ANYTHING" IS THE FOLLOWING:

I'M GOING TO STICK AROUND
FROM PICTURE TO PICTURE

TO MAKE SURE YOU DON'T
HURT NO MORE FEELINGS.

NOW, IN THIS SCENE,

JESSE DON'T SHOOT
YOU IN THE BACK.

HE'S LOST BLOOD,
HE'S WEAK AS TEA,

BUT HE CAN STILL GET UP

KNOCK YOU THROUGH THAT WINDOW

AND MAKE HIS GETAWAY.

IS THAT UNDERSTOOD?

HE KNOCKED ME, RANCE
McGREW, THROUGH A WINDOW?

WHY, IT'S... IT'S...

SY?

YEAH?

SY, UH, I HAVE A GREAT IDEA

FOR SOMETHING I THINK
MIGHT BE A FUN SHOT.

UH...

Sy: WHAT?!

ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?

JESSE DOES WHAT?

OH, RANCE... ALL RIGHT.

SCENE 93, TAKE TWO.

ACTION.

( horse whinnies)

NOW, THAT WAS JUST FINE.

NOW, ABOUT NEXT WEEK'S EPISODE

THE ONE WHERE YOU KNOCK THE GUN

OUT OF BILLY THE KID'S HAND

FROM A FOURTH-STORY
WINDOW A HALF A BLOCK AWAY

WITH THE BASE OF A LAMP.

NO GOOD, HUH?

IT STINKS.

THE WAY I SEE IT IS THIS:

NOW, BILLY, HE HEARS YOU,

AND HE WHIRLS AROUND,

AND HE FIRES FROM THE HIP,

AND HE SHOOTS THE LAMP
RIGHT OUT OF YOUR HAND.

NOW, IN TWO WEEKS,

I THINK WE OUGHT TO
GIVE SAM STARR A BREAK.

HE'S A REAL NICE FELLA...
AWFUL GOOD TO HIS MOTHER.

HAW!

THE EVOLUTION OF THE
SO-CALLED ADULT WESTERN

AND THE METAMORPHOSIS
OF ONE RANCE McGREW,

FORMERLY PHONY BALONEY,
NOW UPRIGHT CITIZEN

WITH A PREOCCUPATION
WITH ALL THINGS

INVOLVING TRADITION, TRUTH
AND COWPOKE PREDECESSORS.

IT'S THE WAY THE COOKIE
CRUMBLES AND THE SIX-GUN SHOOTS

IN THE TWILIGHT ZONE.

Announcer: ROD SERLING,
CREATOR OF THE TWILIGHT ZONE,

WILL TELL YOU ABOUT
NEXT WEEK'S STORY

AFTER THIS MESSAGE.

AND NOW, MR. SERLING.

FOR ALL OF US, EVEN THE
MOST YOUNG AT HEART,

I SUPPOSE THERE'S A
LITTLE KERNEL OF WANT

HAVING TO DO WITH
RELIVING CHILDHOOD...

THAT GRAND AND
GLORIOUS MOMENT IN TIME

WHEN THE BIGGEST GUY
AROUND IS THE PATROL BOY.

NEXT WEEK ON THE TWILIGHT
ZONE, THIS MOMENT IS RECAPTURED

IN GEORGE CLAYTON JOHNSON'S
EXCEPTIONALLY SENSITIVE STORY

CALLED "KICK THE CAN."

IT COSTARS MR. ERNEST
TRUEX AND MR. RUSSELL COLLINS.

IF THE TOBACCOS IN A
CIGARETTE ARE GOOD ENOUGH,

THEY ALONE WILL
GIVE MELLOW RICHNESS

AND SATISFACTORY MILDNESS.

TRY CHESTERFIELDS
AND YOU'LL DISCOVER

21 GREAT TOBACCOS MAKE
20 WONDERFUL SMOKES.

THIS IS JAMES ARNESS.

YOU KNOW, IT'S ONLY A SHORT HOP

FROM THE TWILIGHT ZONE
TO DODGE CITY IN GUNSMOKE.

SATURDAY NIGHTS OVER
MOST OF THESE STATIONS.