The Twilight Zone (1959–1964): Season 2, Episode 14 - The Whole Truth - full transcript
A used car salesman buys a car that dooms him to tell only the truth!
( eerie music)
YOU'RE TRAVELING THROUGH
ANOTHER DIMENSION...
A DIMENSION NOT ONLY OF
SIGHT AND SOUND, BUT OF MIND.
A JOURNEY INTO A WONDROUS LAND
WHOSE BOUNDARIES
ARE THAT OF IMAGINATION.
THAT'S THE SIGNPOST UP AHEAD.
YOUR NEXT STOP,
THE TWILIGHT ZONE.
A HONEY FROM HUNNICUT!
DRIVE IT IN GOOD HEALTH!
( car backfires loudly)
TOO MUCH POWER, EH?
WE'RE JUST LOOKING.
WELL, THAT'S WHAT
WE WANT YOU TO DO.
NOBODY PUSHES YOU AROUND HERE.
NO, SIR, YOUNG MAN.
AROUND HERE, YOU CAN
PAUSE, EXHALE, CHECK, RECHECK,
THINK, PERUSE, CONTEMPLATE,
WADE THROUGH,
THUMB OVER, DIP INTO.
BE MY GUEST, FOLKS.
WE WERE THINKING OF
MAYBE A LITTLE COUPE...
SOMETHING AROUND $500...
BUT AS LATE A MODEL
AS WE CAN... LATE?
YOU SHOCK ME, YOU KNOW THAT?
YOU KNOW YOUR HUSBAND
SHOCKED ME JUST THEN?
WELL, HE WAS ONLY...
DO YOU KNOW WHY YOU SHOCKED ME?
I'LL TELL YOU WHY
YOU SHOCKED ME.
IT'S BECAUSE YOU'VE SUCCUMBED
TO THE PROPAGANDA OF
EVERY CEMENT-HEADED CLOD
UP AND DOWN THIS STREET.
I SAID PROPAGANDA.
( grunts)
THEY LIKE TO PUSH
THE LATE MODELS,
DON'T THEY?
THEY DO, DON'T THEY?
YOU KNOW WHY THEY
PUSH THE LATE MODELS?
YOU THINK IT'S BECAUSE
THEY'RE HONEST,
LAW-ABIDING, RIGIDLY
MORAL CHURCHGOERS?
LET ME TELL YOU
SOMETHING, YOUNG MAN.
THEY PUSH... THEY
PUSH THE LATE MODELS
BECAUSE THAT IS WHERE
THE PROFIT MARGIN IS.
THEY'LL CRAM THOSE
POST-'54s DOWN YOUR GULLET
BECAUSE THEY WOULD RATHER
MAKE A BUCK THAN A FRIEND.
THEY WOULD RATHER MAKE A PROFIT
THAN A RELATIONSHIP.
THEY WOULD RATHER
CRAM THEIR WALLETS
FULL OF CASH
THAN FILL THEIR HEARTS
WITH THE FELLOWSHIP
OF MEN TO MEN.
WE'RE REALLY JUST LOOKING
FOR A GOOD TRANSPORTATION CAR,
AND WE THOUGHT
THE NEWER THE CAR...
NEW? THAT'S WHERE YOU'VE
COMPLETELY GONE WRONG.
THAT'S WHERE YOU'VE
SUDDENLY GONE AMISS.
THAT'S THE JUNCTURE THAT'S
HEADED YOU INTO A BLIND ALLEY.
YOU DON'T WANT A NEW CAR.
YOU DON'T WANT ONE
OF THOSE RINKY-DINK,
SLAPPED-TOGETHER
ON AN ASSEMBLY LINE,
COVERED WITH CHINTZY CHROME,
FIN TAILS, IDIOTIC NAMES
AND NO MORE WORKMANSHIP
THAN YOU CAN
STICK INTO A THIMBLE.
NO.
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT YOU WANT.
YOU WANT THE CRAFTSMANSHIP
THAT COMES WITH AGE
THE DEPENDABILITY OF
PROVEN PERFORMERS
THE DIGNITY OF TRADITIONAL
TRANSPORTATION.
THIS IS WHAT YOU WANT.
A '38 COUPE.
IT'LL GET YOU WHERE
YOU WANT TO GO.
IT'LL GET YOU BACK.
THIS, AS THE BANNER
ALREADY HAS PROCLAIMED
IS MR. HARVEY HUNNICUT...
AN EXPERT ON
COMMERCE AND CON JOBS
A BRASH, BRIGHT AND LARCENY-
LOADED WHEELER AND DEALER
WHO WHEN THE GOOD LORD
PASSED OUT A CONSCIENCE
MUST HAVE GONE FOR
A BEER AND MISSED OUT.
AND THESE ARE A COUPLE
OF OTHER CHARACTERS...
A LITTLE OLD MAN
IN A MODEL-A CAR
BUT NOT JUST ANY OLD MAN
AND NOT JUST ANY MODEL-A.
THERE'S SOMETHING
VERY SPECIAL ABOUT THEM.
IN A FEW MOMENTS, THEY'LL
GIVE HARVEY HUNNICUT SOMETHING
THAT HE'S NEVER
EXPERIENCED BEFORE.
THROUGH THE GOOD
OFFICES OF A LITTLE MAGIC
THEY WILL UNLOAD ON MR. HUNNICUT
THE ABSOLUTE NECESSITY
TO TELL THE TRUTH.
WHERE THEY COME
FROM IS CONJECTURABLE
BUT AS TO WHERE THEY'RE
HEADING, THIS WE KNOW:
BECAUSE ALL OF THEM AND
YOU ARE ON THE THRESHOLD
OF THE TWILIGHT ZONE.
AND DID YOU KNOW THAT
THE ORIGINAL PROTOTYPE
OF THIS CAR WAS
THE MARK II TANK?
WHEN YOU GO DOWN THE FREEWAY,
EVERYBODY ELSE, OUT OF THE WAY!
WHERE THE GEARSHIFT IS
USED TO BE THE CANNON.
NOW, WHY DON'T YOU AND I
SIT DOWN AND TALK TURKEY
BECAUSE THIS BABY IS THE
ONE YOU'RE GOING TO BUY.
THIS BABY IS THE ONE THAT
YOU'RE GOING TO DRIVE OFF...
WELL, FIRST OF ALL...
COULD WE LOOK IT OVER A BIT?
LOOK!
HERE, SIT IN IT.
GET THE FEEL OF IT.
RELISH IN THE LUXURY.
SEE HOW THEY BUILT
CARS IN THE DAYS
WHEN CARS WERE REALLY BUILT!
COME ON, YOUNG FELLOW!
YOU, TOO, MADAM.
PARK YOURSELF IN THERE
AND ENJOY IT TO YOUR
HEART'S CONTENT.
BOY, YOU KNOW WHAT
YOU REALLY SHOULD HAVE
WHEN YOU SIT IN A CAR LIKE THIS?
CANDLELIGHT, A
BOTTLE OF GOOD WINE
BECAUSE THIS BABY
HERE HAS DIGNITY.
( car door shuts)
RELAX FOR A MINUTE,
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
OH, HOW DO YOU DO.
WELL, THAT DEPENDS, GRANDPA.
IF YOU CAME HERE TO PARK THIS
I'LL JUST CHARGE
YOU NOMINAL RATES
BUT IF YOU'RE HERE TO SELL IT
YOU'LL HAVE TO GIVE ME
THREE AND A HALF MINUTES
FOR MY LITTLE LAUGH.
I'LL GIVE YOU 15 BUCKS FOR IT.
ANY JUNKMAN WILL GIVE YOU 12.
THE SMITHSONIAN MIGHT TOP
US BOTH BY A BUCK OR TWO.
IT'S A WONDERFUL OLD CAR
AND THEY BUILT THEM BETTER
IN THE OLD DAYS, I THINK.
AH, GRANDFATHER DEAR
THAT IS THE OLD RHUBARB, THE SAW
THE TURKEY EVERYBODY
AND HIS BROTHER
IS TRYING TO PULL
ON THE OPEN MARKET.
CARS WERE BUILT BETTER
IN THE OLD DAYS, HA!
TEN YEARS AGO
THEY DIDN'T KNOW
HOW TO BUILD CARS.
NOW IT'S THE NEW CARS THAT SELL.
DON'T MIND THESE.
IT'S THE NEW CARS THAT SELL.
IT'S THE NEW CARS THAT RUN.
IT'S THE NEW CARS
THAT COMBINE THE
GENIUS OF MIND, MUSCLE
AND THE ASSEMBLY LINE.
OH, PLEASE...
BUT I'LL TELL YOU
WHAT I'LL DO FOR YOU
BECAUSE I LOVE YOUR FACE.
YOU REMIND ME OF
MY OWN GRANDFATHER
REST HIS SOUL, A MAN OF DIGNITY
DOWN THROUGH HIS DECLINING YEARS
UNTIL HE DIED RESCUING A
CAPSIZED BOATLOAD OF PEOPLE
ON THE EAST RIVER.
I'LL GIVE YOU 25 BUCKS FOR IT.
PROBABLY HAVE TO TEAR IT DOWN
SELL IT WHEEL BY
WHEEL, BOLT BY BOLT
TO ANY ITINERANT JUNKMAN
THAT COMES AROUND
BUT 25 I'LL GO.
$25?
MM-HMM.
I KIND OF NEED THE MONEY
BUT COULDN'T YOU MAKE IT 30?
YOU TRY ME, OLD FRIEND.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
THAT MEANS THAT
25 IS GOING, GOING...
THAT MEANS THAT 25 IS... GONE!
THERE WE ARE.
TEN, 20, AND 25.
THERE WE ARE.
NOW, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT YOU DO.
YOU GO IN THAT
LITTLE OFFICE THERE.
YOU TAKE YOUR CAR
REGISTRATION PAPERS
WITH YOU, AND HOLD
IT... DID I SAY CAR?
VEHICLE, HMM.
NOW, HERE, HMM.
COMFY?
SIGNED, SEALED AND
DELIVERED, MR. UH...
HUNNICUT.
OH, YES, AND HERE ARE THE KEYS.
THANK YOU.
OH, BY THE WAY, MR. HUNNICUT.
THERE IS ONE OTHER SMALL ITEM
I OUGHT TO MENTION
TO YOU ABOUT THE CAR.
DO, DO.
IT'S HAUNTED.
HAUNTED?
YOU DON'T SAY.
OH, YES, WITHOUT A DOUBT.
THE CAR IS QUITE HAUNTED.
IT'S BEEN HAUNTED
EVER SINCE IT CAME
OFF THE ASSEMBLY LINE
AND EVERY SINGLE
ONE OF ITS OWNERS
CAN ATTEST TO THIS FACT.
WELL, NOW, I DON'T SUPPOSE
YOU'D MIND TELLING ME
HOW IT'S HAUNTED, HMM?
YOU SIGN RIGHT THERE.
OR HOW I CAN UN-HAUNT IT?
OH, YOU'LL FIND OUT SOON ENOUGH.
I WILL.
AS FOR UN-HAUNTING IT
YOU'LL HAVE TO SELL THE CAR.
OH.
WELL, GOOD DAY, MR. HUNNICUT.
IT'S BEEN A REAL PLEASURE.
LIKEWISE, LIKEWISE.
I THINK YOU MAY FIND
THAT YOU HAVE ACTUALLY GOTTEN
THE BEST OF THE BARGAIN AT THAT.
MY ANCIENT FRIEND, YOU DO
ME THE ULTIMATE INJUSTICE.
OUR LITTLE TRANSACTION,
HAUNTED OR OTHERWISE
WAS MY CHARITY CASE FOR THE DAY.
YOU DWELL ON THAT, WILL YOU?
DWELL ON IT.
NO, NO, NO, MR. HUNNICUT.
YOU DWELL ON IT.
AND I RATHER THINK YOU WILL.
WELL?
HOW MUCH IS IT?
IT'S NOT FOR SALE.
WHY NOT?
UH... WELL, I DON'T KNOW.
THIS CAR WE WERE
JUST SITTING IN.
THAT'S THE ONE YOU WERE PUSHING.
YEAH, SURE.
I... I GUESS I'M NOT
PUSHING IT ANYMORE.
THIS IS A WRECK, IT'S A RUM-DUM.
IT...
OH... IT HASN'T GOT ANY
POINTS, IT HASN'T GOT ANY RINGS
IT HASN'T GOT ANY PLUGS
AND IT'LL LEAK GASOLINE LIKE IT
OWNS EVERY OIL WELL IN TEXAS.
BUT THE TIRES...
ARE VERY BAD, AND
THE CHASSIS'S BEEN BENT
AND IF I SAID ANYTHING
ABOUT IT BEING A RUNABOUT
WHY, I MEANT IT WOULD RUN
ABOUT A BLOCK AND THEN STOP.
AND IT'LL COST YOU
DOUBLE WHAT YOU PAY FOR IT
WHEN YOU START
TAKING IT IN FOR REPAIRS
AND YOU'LL START
TAKING IT IN FOR REPAIRS
EVERY THIRD THURSDAY
OF THE MONTH.
WELL, WHAT ELSE HAVE YOU GOT?
OH, WHAT ELSE,
WELL... I... I'LL...
I HAVEN'T ANYTHING ELSE
WORTHWHILE TO SHOW YOU.
EVERYTHING IN THIS LOT SHOULD
HAVE BEEN CONDEMNED YEARS AGO.
I GOT MORE LEMONS
PER SQUARE FOOT
THAN A FRUIT GROWER IN SALINAS.
AND WHAT YOU OUGHT TO DO
YOU OUGHT TO HIT ONE OF
THOSE REPUTABLE PLACES
AND GET WHAT YOU PAY FOR,
AND SOMETHING YOU REALLY LIKE
BUT, UH, YOU SHOULDN'T
COME AROUND HERE ANYMORE.
OKAY.
THANKS.
YEAH.
OH, HEY...
NEVER MIND.
LET'S GO LOOK AT
TELEVISION SETS.
Man: SORRY, I'M LATE, BOSS.
I WAS DOWN AT THE JUNKYARD
CHECKING ON THE '34
CHEVY WHEEL DISCS.
I FOUND FOUR OF THEM.
HEY, WHAT'S THE ACTION, BOSS?
HMM?
OH, THINGS ARE A
LITTLE QUIET AROUND...
IRV, YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT I...
NAH, YOU WON'T...
HEY, HOW ABOUT TRYING
TO MOVE THAT '35 ESSEX?
MOVE IT IS RIGHT.
IT WON'T GET ANYWHERE
UNDER ITS OWN POWER.
ALL RIGHT, KNOCK IT DOWN TO 55
TELL EVERYBODY IT'S A
MUSEUM PIECE, LAST OF ITS KIND.
AND LOOK!
YOU KEEP THAT HOOD
CLOSED, YOU DOPE!
HOW MANY TIME I
GOTTA TELL YOU...
WHEN YOU GOT AN ENGINE
YOU CAN'T SEE FOR RUST
YOU GOTTA PLAY A
LITTLE HIDE-AND-SEEK.
YOU DON'T GO
ADVERTISING THE FACT
YOU'RE TRYING TO JOB A CAR
THAT CARRIED FRENCH SOLDIERS
TO THE FIRST BATTLE OF THE MARNE.
NOW LISTEN, IRV, I...
WANT YOU TO PUT
A SIGN ON THE CAR
THAT SAYS IT'S FOR SALE
AS IS, NO GUARANTEES
AND I... THINK YOU
BETTER OPEN UP
BOTH SIDES OF THE HOOD
SO THEY CAN GET A
BETTER LOOK AT THE ENGINE.
YOU WANT TO SELL IT OR
KEEP IT FOR AN HEIRLOOM?
WHAT'S THE MATTER...
DO I LOOK ALL RIGHT TO YOU, IRV?
WHAT DID YOU HAVE FOR DINNER?
NO, NO, THIS IS NUTS.
THIS IS POWER OF
SUGGESTION OR SOMETHING.
HEY, THAT OLD GLEEP THAT SOLD ME
THAT MODEL-A, A REAL NUTSY.
GAVE ME A SONG AND DANCE
ABOUT A HAUNTED CAR.
YOU GET THAT?
HAUNTED CAR.
AND I WAS STUPID ENOUGH
TO STAND THERE
AND LISTEN TO HIM.
WHAT I SHOULD HAVE DONE
WAS CALL UP THE LOCAL HATCH
RESERVED A RUBBER ROOM FOR HIM.
HONEY, THIS IS YOUR EVER-LOVING.
NOW, LOOK, BABY ABOUT TONIGHT
I'M GOING TO BE A LITTLE LATE.
WELL, IT'S INVENTORY TIME.
LOOK, I TOLD YOU IT
WAS INVENTORY TIME.
WHAT I'M GOING TO
BE DOING TONIGHT IS I...
I'M GOING TO BE PLAYING
POKER WITH THE BOYS
AND WHEN I TOLD YOU IT WAS
INVENTORY TIME LAST MONTH
I WAS PLAYING POKER
WITH THE BOYS THEN.
Woman: You were doing what!
HONEY, DON'T LISTEN TO ME!
THIS IS NUTS, I'M
SICK OR SOMETHING.
LOOK, WHAT I'M REALLY
GOING TO BE DOING TONIGHT
IS I'M... GOING TO BE PLAYING
POKER WITH THE BOYS.
WHAT IS THIS?
AM I CRAZY OR SOMETHING?
I GOT NO CONTROL
OVER WHAT I'M SAYING.
I GOT NO CONTROL...
IRV... I'M IN THE
MIDST OF A CALAMITY.
THAT OLD GLEEP I WAS
TELLING YOU ABOUT
THE ONE WHO SAID
THAT CAR WAS HAUNTED...
HE WAS RIGHT.
WHOEVER OWNS THAT
CAR HAS TO TELL THE TRUTH.
HEY, IRV, YOU DIG?
DID YOU EVER HEAR
ANYTHING MORE GHASTLY?
ME... HARVEY HUNNICUT
FROM NOW ON, AS
LONG AS I OWN THAT CAR
I HAVE TO TELL THE TRUTH.
WELL, HERE ARE THE
SIGNS YOU WANTED, BOSS.
YEAH.
I'VE HEARD OF LOW
PRESSURE BEFORE, BOSS
BUT LET'S FACE IT...
THIS IS NO PRESSURE.
( groans)
IRV, YOU KNOW MY WIFE
ISN'T SPEAKING TO ME.
WOULD THAT THAT WERE
YOUR ONLY WORRY, BOSS.
YOU HAVEN'T MOVED A CAR
OFF THE LOT IN THREE DAYS.
I KNOW.
THAT OLD LADY WHO CAME
IN YESTERDAY AFTERNOON
TO BUY THAT OLD AUBURN...
I MEAN, LET'S LEVEL NOW.
HOW DO YOU START A SALES
PITCH BY TELLING THE CUSTOMER
THAT IF THE CAR
WAS ONE YEAR OLDER
MOSES COULD HAVE DRIVEN
IT ACROSS THE RED SEA?
THERE'S A LIMIT
TO HONESTY, BOSS!
IRVING, I... ( sighs)
I USED TO FEEL THAT WAY MYSELF.
I HATE TO BOTHER YOU NOW, BOSS
BUT IT'S THAT THING
ABOUT MY RAISE.
YOUR RAISE?
WELL, IT'S SIX MONTHS TODAY
I DON'T WANT TO BUG
YOU, BUT YOU PROMISED.
YOU SAID THAT IN SIX MONTHS
IF I'D SOLD THREE CARS,
THAT YOU WOULD TURN...
OH. YEAH, WELL, SURE.
WHEN I... I...
THE DAY YOU GET
MORE MONEY OUT OF ME,
IT'LL BE BELOW
ZERO IN THE FIJIS.
EVERY YOKEL WHO WORKS HERE
STARTS AND STOPS
AT THE SAME SALARY.
I ONLY DANGLE THAT
RAISE IN FRONT OF THEM
JUST AS LONG AS IT
TAKES THEM TO GET WISE.
IRV... IRV...
FOR YOU TO GET
MORE MONEY OUT OF ME
WOULD BE JUST
ABOUT AS EASY AS...
POURING HOT BUTTER
INTO A WILDCAT'S EAR.
IRV, THAT HURT ME
MORE THAN IT DID YOU.
CORRECTION.
THIS IS GOING TO HURT YOU A
LOT MORE THAN IT HURTS ME.
WHAT'S YOUR PLEASURE, SIR?
OH, LUTHER GRIMBLEY HERE.
HONEST LUTHER GRIMBLEY.
30 YEARS IN POLITICS,
CURRENTLY UP FOR REELECTION.
ALDERMAN, 13th WARD.
YOU'VE PROBABLY HEARD OF ME.
DELIGHTED.
SOMETHING NICE IN A MODEL-A?
BEAUTIFUL, ISN'T IT?
THAT DEPENDS.
IF YOU TAKE 12 ASPIRIN
AND SHUT YOUR EYES TIGHT
YOU MIGHT CALL IT BEAUTIFUL.
BUT IN THE COLD
LIGHT OF DAY, SON
IT'S A WRECK.
WHAT ABOUT ITS CONDITION?
WELL, LET ME TELL
YOU ONE THING...
THE BLOCK'S CRACKED.
BLOCK CRACKED?
BLOCK CRACKED.
WHAT ELSE?
YOU CAN SEE FOR YOURSELF.
YOU TAKE A GOOD
LOOK AT THESE TIRES.
THE RUBBER'S SHOT.
YEAH, SURE IS.
MIGHT BE GOOD FOR A FEW YEARS
NOT MANY, THOUGH.
MANY?
THIS CAR IS LIVING
ON BORROWED TIME.
WHAT... WHAT'S SHE WORTH?
OH...
I MEAN ASSUMING SOME CLOD
WHO WANTED A REAL BUM CAR
TO USE FOR A GAG OR SOMETHING
MAYBE... UH... 50 BUCKS?
50 BUCKS!
ALL RIGHT, MAYBE 60.
WHY NOT 30?
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, DO YOU?
THIS IS A BAD CAR, YOU SEE.
IT'S A LEMON.
LEMON?
WHY YOU DIRTY DOG, YOU.
YOU CLEVER SON OF A GUN.
THAT'S THE TRUTH.
THAT'S THE ABSOLUTE TRUTH.
I'VE SEEN ALL KINDS OF ROUTINES
ALL KINDS OF ROUTINES
BUT YOU CLEVER
LITTLE COOKIE, YOU.
THIS IS THE OLD
REVERSE ENGLISH, ISN'T IT?
THE OLD TWISTER-OO?
WHY YOU SHARP-SHOOTING, SHARPIE!
YOU KNEW I WANTED
IT, DIDN'T YOU?
YOU LITTLE DEVIL YOU!
YOU KNEW I WANTED IT.
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.
I'LL GIVE YOU 25 BUCKS FOR IT.
ON ACCOUNT OF IT'S GOOD
POLITICS TO DRIVE AN OLD CAR.
MAKES PEOPLE THINK YOU'RE
NOT GETTING RICH OFF OF THEM.
25 BUCKS!
HOW ABOUT 22½?
HUH?
I DIDN'T NOTICE THE
DENT IN THE FENDER.
OH.
I MEAN $22.50, THE
CAR AND NO STRINGS.
NO, UH, STRINGS?
YOU BETTER TROT OUT
THE STRINGS, BUDDY BOY.
TROT OUT THE STRINGS.
I WANT TO KNOW WHAT I'M GETTING.
WELL, $22.50, THE
CAR AS IS, AND, UH...
AND, UH, WHAT?
UH... WELL... UH...
THE CAR'S HAUNTED.
HAUNTED?
THE CAR IS HAUNTED?
SO IT'S HAUNTED.
I SWEAR, YOU'RE THE
CLEVEREST COOKIE IN THE...
YOU OUGHT TO BE IN POLITICS.
HAUNTED?
HOW IS IT HAUNTED?
WELL, WHOEVER OWNS
IT HAS TO TELL THE TRUTH.
WHOEVER OWNS IT
HAS TO TELL THE TRUTH?
THE WHOLE TRUTH,
AND THE ONLY WAY
HE CAN STOP TELLING THE
TRUTH IS TO SELL THE CAR.
HOW ABOUT THIS BABY?
THAT'S NO BABY.
THAT'S A GREAT-GRANDFATHER.
HASN'T GOT ANY TRANSMISSION,
NO REAR END, NO AXLE.
THAT ONE'S SHOT.
THAT'S THE GOODS, IS IT?
YOU HAVE TO TELL
THE TRUTH, DON'T YOU?
THAT'S IT.
THAT'S THE REASON FOR
THE SONG AND DANCE.
YOU HAVE TO TELL THE TRUTH.
WELL, WHAT ABOUT THE MODEL-A?
I MEAN, IN SPITE OF THE
FACT THAT IT'S HAUNTED
IT'S, IT'S STILL A SWELL...
CONVERSATION PIECE.
FOR SOME PEOPLE, MAYBE
BUT NOT FOR OLD,
HONEST LUTHER GRIMBLEY.
BUDDY BOY, I'M IN POLITICS.
WHEN YOU TELL ME
I GOT TO START TELLING
THE TRUTH ALL THE TIME
HOLY HANNA!
YOU KNOW SOMETHING?
I COULDN'T MAKE A
SINGLE POLITICAL SPEECH.
I COULDN'T RUN FOR OFFICE AGAIN.
NOW WHY DON'T YOU SELL THIS CAR
TO BOSS RYAN OVER AT 12th WARD.
I'D LOVE TO HEAR HIM
TELL THE TRUTH JUST ONCE.
OR THE MAYOR, THE MAYOR!
WHY DON'T YOU...?
HEY, WHY NOT EVEN
TO THIS GUY, HUH?
WHO?
THIS FELLA?
SAY, THAT'S NOT A BAD IDEA.
IF YOU COULD GET
HIM TO TELL THE TRUTH
THAT MIGHT BE THE
GREATEST GAG OF ALL TIME.
( muttering)
YEAH... WHY NOT, HUH?
OH, BOY!
THAT WOULD BE...
YOUR REASONING SEEMS
VALID, MR. HUNNICUT.
IT'S YOUR MOTIVES
THAT WE'RE CONCERNED...
DON'T WORRY ABOUT MY MOTIVES.
I BOUGHT THE CAR FOR 25 BUCKS
I'M SELLING IT FOR 25.
TALK IT OVER WITH YOUR BOSS.
I BELIEVE WE'LL ACCEPT
YOUR TERMS, MR. HUNNICUT.
YOU SAY $25 AMERICAN MONEY.
25 AMERICAN DOLLARS.
I GOT THE PAPERS.
NOW, THIS IS THE BILL OF SALE
THE TRANSFER OF TITLE,
THE CAR REGISTRATION.
HAVE YOUR BOSS SIGN ALL THREE
OF THEM ON THE DOTTED LINES THERE.
I'M EMPOWERED TO HANDLE
THE SIGNATURES MYSELF.
OH, NO, NO.
THE BOSS HAS TO
SIGN THEM, YOU DIG?
THE BOSS, THE BOSS
HAS TO SIGN THEM.
A SORT OF MEMENTO
OR SOUVENIR, IS THAT IT?
UH, YEAH, SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
WELL, I'LL SEE WHAT I CAN DO.
HERE WE ARE.
AND HERE IS THE MONEY.
25 AMERICAN DOLLARS.
YOU LUCKY DOG, YOU.
YOU GOT A MILLION BUCKS
WORTH OF PROPAGANDA HERE
YOU KNOW THAT?
NOW ALL YOU HAVE TO DO
IS TO TRY TO TELL YOUR FOLKS
THAT THIS IS THE KIND OF A CAR
THE AVERAGE AMERICAN DRIVES.
YOU TRY AND TELL THEM THAT.
THESE ARE YOUR
COPIES, THESE ARE MINE.
THAT DOES IT.
YOUR BOSS IS NOW THE
NEW OWNER OF THIS CAR.
DRIVE IT RIGHT OFF, BUDDY BOY.
YOU DRIVE IT RIGHT OFF.
IS THIS THE LIVING END!
AND I GOT HIS
SIGNATURE RIGHT HERE.
NIKITA KHRUSHCHEV.
( dialing telephone)
UH, LONG DISTANCE?
OPERATOR, SAY, IF
AN AMERICAN CITIZEN
HAS SOMETHING REAL
IMPORTANT IN THE WAY OF NEWS...
UH, WELL...
I MEAN IF IT AFFECTS THE FOREIGN
POLICY OF THE UNITED STATES...
WELL, WHAT I'D REALLY
LIKE TO KNOW IS...
CAN YOU GET ME THROUGH
TO JACK KENNEDY?
COULDN'T HAPPEN YOU SAY?
FAR-FETCHED, WAY
OUT, TILT-OF-CENTER?
POSSIBLE, BUT THE NEXT
TIME YOU BUY AN AUTOMOBILE
IF IT HAPPENS TO LOOK
AS IF IT'S GONE THROUGH
THE BATTLE OF THE MARNE
AND THE SELLER IS READY TO THROW
INTO THE BARGAIN ONE OF HIS ARMS
BE PARTICULARLY CAREFUL
IN EXPLAINING TO THE BOSS
ABOUT YOUR GRANDMOTHER'S FUNERAL
WHEN YOU WERE ACTUALLY AT
CHAVEZ RAVINE WATCHING THE DODGERS.
IT'LL BE A FACT THAT YOU'RE
THE PROUD POSSESSOR
OF AN INSTRUMENT OF TRUTH
MANUFACTURED AND DISTRIBUTED
BY AN EXCLUSIVE DEALER
IN THE TWILIGHT ZONE.
Announcer: ROD SERLING,
CREATOR OF THE TWILIGHT ZONE
WILL TELL YOU ABOUT
NEXT WEEK'S STORY
AFTER THIS WORD FROM
OUR ALTERNATE SPONSOR.
AND NOW, MR. SERLING.
NEXT WEEK, WE BRING YOU A
SHOW CALLED "THE INVADERS"
WRITTEN BY MR. RICHARD MATHESON.
AND IN THIS ROOM YOU'LL
WATCH MISS AGNES MOOREHEAD
IN A TENSION-RIDDLED
ATTEMPT AT ESCAPE
FROM A PAIR OF VERY
IMPROBABLE HOUSEBREAKERS.
THIS ONE WE RECOMMEND TO
SCIENCE FICTION BUFFS, FANTASY LOVERS
OR TO ANYONE WHO WANTS
TO GRIP THE EDGE OF HIS SEAT
AND TAKE A 24-MINUTE TRIP
INTO THE REALM OF TERROR.
( eerie music)
♪ PLEASE, PLEASE
DON'T BE A LITTERBUG ♪
♪ 'CAUSE EVERY
LITTER BIT HURTS. ♪
YOU'RE TRAVELING THROUGH
ANOTHER DIMENSION...
A DIMENSION NOT ONLY OF
SIGHT AND SOUND, BUT OF MIND.
A JOURNEY INTO A WONDROUS LAND
WHOSE BOUNDARIES
ARE THAT OF IMAGINATION.
THAT'S THE SIGNPOST UP AHEAD.
YOUR NEXT STOP,
THE TWILIGHT ZONE.
A HONEY FROM HUNNICUT!
DRIVE IT IN GOOD HEALTH!
( car backfires loudly)
TOO MUCH POWER, EH?
WE'RE JUST LOOKING.
WELL, THAT'S WHAT
WE WANT YOU TO DO.
NOBODY PUSHES YOU AROUND HERE.
NO, SIR, YOUNG MAN.
AROUND HERE, YOU CAN
PAUSE, EXHALE, CHECK, RECHECK,
THINK, PERUSE, CONTEMPLATE,
WADE THROUGH,
THUMB OVER, DIP INTO.
BE MY GUEST, FOLKS.
WE WERE THINKING OF
MAYBE A LITTLE COUPE...
SOMETHING AROUND $500...
BUT AS LATE A MODEL
AS WE CAN... LATE?
YOU SHOCK ME, YOU KNOW THAT?
YOU KNOW YOUR HUSBAND
SHOCKED ME JUST THEN?
WELL, HE WAS ONLY...
DO YOU KNOW WHY YOU SHOCKED ME?
I'LL TELL YOU WHY
YOU SHOCKED ME.
IT'S BECAUSE YOU'VE SUCCUMBED
TO THE PROPAGANDA OF
EVERY CEMENT-HEADED CLOD
UP AND DOWN THIS STREET.
I SAID PROPAGANDA.
( grunts)
THEY LIKE TO PUSH
THE LATE MODELS,
DON'T THEY?
THEY DO, DON'T THEY?
YOU KNOW WHY THEY
PUSH THE LATE MODELS?
YOU THINK IT'S BECAUSE
THEY'RE HONEST,
LAW-ABIDING, RIGIDLY
MORAL CHURCHGOERS?
LET ME TELL YOU
SOMETHING, YOUNG MAN.
THEY PUSH... THEY
PUSH THE LATE MODELS
BECAUSE THAT IS WHERE
THE PROFIT MARGIN IS.
THEY'LL CRAM THOSE
POST-'54s DOWN YOUR GULLET
BECAUSE THEY WOULD RATHER
MAKE A BUCK THAN A FRIEND.
THEY WOULD RATHER MAKE A PROFIT
THAN A RELATIONSHIP.
THEY WOULD RATHER
CRAM THEIR WALLETS
FULL OF CASH
THAN FILL THEIR HEARTS
WITH THE FELLOWSHIP
OF MEN TO MEN.
WE'RE REALLY JUST LOOKING
FOR A GOOD TRANSPORTATION CAR,
AND WE THOUGHT
THE NEWER THE CAR...
NEW? THAT'S WHERE YOU'VE
COMPLETELY GONE WRONG.
THAT'S WHERE YOU'VE
SUDDENLY GONE AMISS.
THAT'S THE JUNCTURE THAT'S
HEADED YOU INTO A BLIND ALLEY.
YOU DON'T WANT A NEW CAR.
YOU DON'T WANT ONE
OF THOSE RINKY-DINK,
SLAPPED-TOGETHER
ON AN ASSEMBLY LINE,
COVERED WITH CHINTZY CHROME,
FIN TAILS, IDIOTIC NAMES
AND NO MORE WORKMANSHIP
THAN YOU CAN
STICK INTO A THIMBLE.
NO.
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT YOU WANT.
YOU WANT THE CRAFTSMANSHIP
THAT COMES WITH AGE
THE DEPENDABILITY OF
PROVEN PERFORMERS
THE DIGNITY OF TRADITIONAL
TRANSPORTATION.
THIS IS WHAT YOU WANT.
A '38 COUPE.
IT'LL GET YOU WHERE
YOU WANT TO GO.
IT'LL GET YOU BACK.
THIS, AS THE BANNER
ALREADY HAS PROCLAIMED
IS MR. HARVEY HUNNICUT...
AN EXPERT ON
COMMERCE AND CON JOBS
A BRASH, BRIGHT AND LARCENY-
LOADED WHEELER AND DEALER
WHO WHEN THE GOOD LORD
PASSED OUT A CONSCIENCE
MUST HAVE GONE FOR
A BEER AND MISSED OUT.
AND THESE ARE A COUPLE
OF OTHER CHARACTERS...
A LITTLE OLD MAN
IN A MODEL-A CAR
BUT NOT JUST ANY OLD MAN
AND NOT JUST ANY MODEL-A.
THERE'S SOMETHING
VERY SPECIAL ABOUT THEM.
IN A FEW MOMENTS, THEY'LL
GIVE HARVEY HUNNICUT SOMETHING
THAT HE'S NEVER
EXPERIENCED BEFORE.
THROUGH THE GOOD
OFFICES OF A LITTLE MAGIC
THEY WILL UNLOAD ON MR. HUNNICUT
THE ABSOLUTE NECESSITY
TO TELL THE TRUTH.
WHERE THEY COME
FROM IS CONJECTURABLE
BUT AS TO WHERE THEY'RE
HEADING, THIS WE KNOW:
BECAUSE ALL OF THEM AND
YOU ARE ON THE THRESHOLD
OF THE TWILIGHT ZONE.
AND DID YOU KNOW THAT
THE ORIGINAL PROTOTYPE
OF THIS CAR WAS
THE MARK II TANK?
WHEN YOU GO DOWN THE FREEWAY,
EVERYBODY ELSE, OUT OF THE WAY!
WHERE THE GEARSHIFT IS
USED TO BE THE CANNON.
NOW, WHY DON'T YOU AND I
SIT DOWN AND TALK TURKEY
BECAUSE THIS BABY IS THE
ONE YOU'RE GOING TO BUY.
THIS BABY IS THE ONE THAT
YOU'RE GOING TO DRIVE OFF...
WELL, FIRST OF ALL...
COULD WE LOOK IT OVER A BIT?
LOOK!
HERE, SIT IN IT.
GET THE FEEL OF IT.
RELISH IN THE LUXURY.
SEE HOW THEY BUILT
CARS IN THE DAYS
WHEN CARS WERE REALLY BUILT!
COME ON, YOUNG FELLOW!
YOU, TOO, MADAM.
PARK YOURSELF IN THERE
AND ENJOY IT TO YOUR
HEART'S CONTENT.
BOY, YOU KNOW WHAT
YOU REALLY SHOULD HAVE
WHEN YOU SIT IN A CAR LIKE THIS?
CANDLELIGHT, A
BOTTLE OF GOOD WINE
BECAUSE THIS BABY
HERE HAS DIGNITY.
( car door shuts)
RELAX FOR A MINUTE,
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
OH, HOW DO YOU DO.
WELL, THAT DEPENDS, GRANDPA.
IF YOU CAME HERE TO PARK THIS
I'LL JUST CHARGE
YOU NOMINAL RATES
BUT IF YOU'RE HERE TO SELL IT
YOU'LL HAVE TO GIVE ME
THREE AND A HALF MINUTES
FOR MY LITTLE LAUGH.
I'LL GIVE YOU 15 BUCKS FOR IT.
ANY JUNKMAN WILL GIVE YOU 12.
THE SMITHSONIAN MIGHT TOP
US BOTH BY A BUCK OR TWO.
IT'S A WONDERFUL OLD CAR
AND THEY BUILT THEM BETTER
IN THE OLD DAYS, I THINK.
AH, GRANDFATHER DEAR
THAT IS THE OLD RHUBARB, THE SAW
THE TURKEY EVERYBODY
AND HIS BROTHER
IS TRYING TO PULL
ON THE OPEN MARKET.
CARS WERE BUILT BETTER
IN THE OLD DAYS, HA!
TEN YEARS AGO
THEY DIDN'T KNOW
HOW TO BUILD CARS.
NOW IT'S THE NEW CARS THAT SELL.
DON'T MIND THESE.
IT'S THE NEW CARS THAT SELL.
IT'S THE NEW CARS THAT RUN.
IT'S THE NEW CARS
THAT COMBINE THE
GENIUS OF MIND, MUSCLE
AND THE ASSEMBLY LINE.
OH, PLEASE...
BUT I'LL TELL YOU
WHAT I'LL DO FOR YOU
BECAUSE I LOVE YOUR FACE.
YOU REMIND ME OF
MY OWN GRANDFATHER
REST HIS SOUL, A MAN OF DIGNITY
DOWN THROUGH HIS DECLINING YEARS
UNTIL HE DIED RESCUING A
CAPSIZED BOATLOAD OF PEOPLE
ON THE EAST RIVER.
I'LL GIVE YOU 25 BUCKS FOR IT.
PROBABLY HAVE TO TEAR IT DOWN
SELL IT WHEEL BY
WHEEL, BOLT BY BOLT
TO ANY ITINERANT JUNKMAN
THAT COMES AROUND
BUT 25 I'LL GO.
$25?
MM-HMM.
I KIND OF NEED THE MONEY
BUT COULDN'T YOU MAKE IT 30?
YOU TRY ME, OLD FRIEND.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
THAT MEANS THAT
25 IS GOING, GOING...
THAT MEANS THAT 25 IS... GONE!
THERE WE ARE.
TEN, 20, AND 25.
THERE WE ARE.
NOW, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT YOU DO.
YOU GO IN THAT
LITTLE OFFICE THERE.
YOU TAKE YOUR CAR
REGISTRATION PAPERS
WITH YOU, AND HOLD
IT... DID I SAY CAR?
VEHICLE, HMM.
NOW, HERE, HMM.
COMFY?
SIGNED, SEALED AND
DELIVERED, MR. UH...
HUNNICUT.
OH, YES, AND HERE ARE THE KEYS.
THANK YOU.
OH, BY THE WAY, MR. HUNNICUT.
THERE IS ONE OTHER SMALL ITEM
I OUGHT TO MENTION
TO YOU ABOUT THE CAR.
DO, DO.
IT'S HAUNTED.
HAUNTED?
YOU DON'T SAY.
OH, YES, WITHOUT A DOUBT.
THE CAR IS QUITE HAUNTED.
IT'S BEEN HAUNTED
EVER SINCE IT CAME
OFF THE ASSEMBLY LINE
AND EVERY SINGLE
ONE OF ITS OWNERS
CAN ATTEST TO THIS FACT.
WELL, NOW, I DON'T SUPPOSE
YOU'D MIND TELLING ME
HOW IT'S HAUNTED, HMM?
YOU SIGN RIGHT THERE.
OR HOW I CAN UN-HAUNT IT?
OH, YOU'LL FIND OUT SOON ENOUGH.
I WILL.
AS FOR UN-HAUNTING IT
YOU'LL HAVE TO SELL THE CAR.
OH.
WELL, GOOD DAY, MR. HUNNICUT.
IT'S BEEN A REAL PLEASURE.
LIKEWISE, LIKEWISE.
I THINK YOU MAY FIND
THAT YOU HAVE ACTUALLY GOTTEN
THE BEST OF THE BARGAIN AT THAT.
MY ANCIENT FRIEND, YOU DO
ME THE ULTIMATE INJUSTICE.
OUR LITTLE TRANSACTION,
HAUNTED OR OTHERWISE
WAS MY CHARITY CASE FOR THE DAY.
YOU DWELL ON THAT, WILL YOU?
DWELL ON IT.
NO, NO, NO, MR. HUNNICUT.
YOU DWELL ON IT.
AND I RATHER THINK YOU WILL.
WELL?
HOW MUCH IS IT?
IT'S NOT FOR SALE.
WHY NOT?
UH... WELL, I DON'T KNOW.
THIS CAR WE WERE
JUST SITTING IN.
THAT'S THE ONE YOU WERE PUSHING.
YEAH, SURE.
I... I GUESS I'M NOT
PUSHING IT ANYMORE.
THIS IS A WRECK, IT'S A RUM-DUM.
IT...
OH... IT HASN'T GOT ANY
POINTS, IT HASN'T GOT ANY RINGS
IT HASN'T GOT ANY PLUGS
AND IT'LL LEAK GASOLINE LIKE IT
OWNS EVERY OIL WELL IN TEXAS.
BUT THE TIRES...
ARE VERY BAD, AND
THE CHASSIS'S BEEN BENT
AND IF I SAID ANYTHING
ABOUT IT BEING A RUNABOUT
WHY, I MEANT IT WOULD RUN
ABOUT A BLOCK AND THEN STOP.
AND IT'LL COST YOU
DOUBLE WHAT YOU PAY FOR IT
WHEN YOU START
TAKING IT IN FOR REPAIRS
AND YOU'LL START
TAKING IT IN FOR REPAIRS
EVERY THIRD THURSDAY
OF THE MONTH.
WELL, WHAT ELSE HAVE YOU GOT?
OH, WHAT ELSE,
WELL... I... I'LL...
I HAVEN'T ANYTHING ELSE
WORTHWHILE TO SHOW YOU.
EVERYTHING IN THIS LOT SHOULD
HAVE BEEN CONDEMNED YEARS AGO.
I GOT MORE LEMONS
PER SQUARE FOOT
THAN A FRUIT GROWER IN SALINAS.
AND WHAT YOU OUGHT TO DO
YOU OUGHT TO HIT ONE OF
THOSE REPUTABLE PLACES
AND GET WHAT YOU PAY FOR,
AND SOMETHING YOU REALLY LIKE
BUT, UH, YOU SHOULDN'T
COME AROUND HERE ANYMORE.
OKAY.
THANKS.
YEAH.
OH, HEY...
NEVER MIND.
LET'S GO LOOK AT
TELEVISION SETS.
Man: SORRY, I'M LATE, BOSS.
I WAS DOWN AT THE JUNKYARD
CHECKING ON THE '34
CHEVY WHEEL DISCS.
I FOUND FOUR OF THEM.
HEY, WHAT'S THE ACTION, BOSS?
HMM?
OH, THINGS ARE A
LITTLE QUIET AROUND...
IRV, YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT I...
NAH, YOU WON'T...
HEY, HOW ABOUT TRYING
TO MOVE THAT '35 ESSEX?
MOVE IT IS RIGHT.
IT WON'T GET ANYWHERE
UNDER ITS OWN POWER.
ALL RIGHT, KNOCK IT DOWN TO 55
TELL EVERYBODY IT'S A
MUSEUM PIECE, LAST OF ITS KIND.
AND LOOK!
YOU KEEP THAT HOOD
CLOSED, YOU DOPE!
HOW MANY TIME I
GOTTA TELL YOU...
WHEN YOU GOT AN ENGINE
YOU CAN'T SEE FOR RUST
YOU GOTTA PLAY A
LITTLE HIDE-AND-SEEK.
YOU DON'T GO
ADVERTISING THE FACT
YOU'RE TRYING TO JOB A CAR
THAT CARRIED FRENCH SOLDIERS
TO THE FIRST BATTLE OF THE MARNE.
NOW LISTEN, IRV, I...
WANT YOU TO PUT
A SIGN ON THE CAR
THAT SAYS IT'S FOR SALE
AS IS, NO GUARANTEES
AND I... THINK YOU
BETTER OPEN UP
BOTH SIDES OF THE HOOD
SO THEY CAN GET A
BETTER LOOK AT THE ENGINE.
YOU WANT TO SELL IT OR
KEEP IT FOR AN HEIRLOOM?
WHAT'S THE MATTER...
DO I LOOK ALL RIGHT TO YOU, IRV?
WHAT DID YOU HAVE FOR DINNER?
NO, NO, THIS IS NUTS.
THIS IS POWER OF
SUGGESTION OR SOMETHING.
HEY, THAT OLD GLEEP THAT SOLD ME
THAT MODEL-A, A REAL NUTSY.
GAVE ME A SONG AND DANCE
ABOUT A HAUNTED CAR.
YOU GET THAT?
HAUNTED CAR.
AND I WAS STUPID ENOUGH
TO STAND THERE
AND LISTEN TO HIM.
WHAT I SHOULD HAVE DONE
WAS CALL UP THE LOCAL HATCH
RESERVED A RUBBER ROOM FOR HIM.
HONEY, THIS IS YOUR EVER-LOVING.
NOW, LOOK, BABY ABOUT TONIGHT
I'M GOING TO BE A LITTLE LATE.
WELL, IT'S INVENTORY TIME.
LOOK, I TOLD YOU IT
WAS INVENTORY TIME.
WHAT I'M GOING TO
BE DOING TONIGHT IS I...
I'M GOING TO BE PLAYING
POKER WITH THE BOYS
AND WHEN I TOLD YOU IT WAS
INVENTORY TIME LAST MONTH
I WAS PLAYING POKER
WITH THE BOYS THEN.
Woman: You were doing what!
HONEY, DON'T LISTEN TO ME!
THIS IS NUTS, I'M
SICK OR SOMETHING.
LOOK, WHAT I'M REALLY
GOING TO BE DOING TONIGHT
IS I'M... GOING TO BE PLAYING
POKER WITH THE BOYS.
WHAT IS THIS?
AM I CRAZY OR SOMETHING?
I GOT NO CONTROL
OVER WHAT I'M SAYING.
I GOT NO CONTROL...
IRV... I'M IN THE
MIDST OF A CALAMITY.
THAT OLD GLEEP I WAS
TELLING YOU ABOUT
THE ONE WHO SAID
THAT CAR WAS HAUNTED...
HE WAS RIGHT.
WHOEVER OWNS THAT
CAR HAS TO TELL THE TRUTH.
HEY, IRV, YOU DIG?
DID YOU EVER HEAR
ANYTHING MORE GHASTLY?
ME... HARVEY HUNNICUT
FROM NOW ON, AS
LONG AS I OWN THAT CAR
I HAVE TO TELL THE TRUTH.
WELL, HERE ARE THE
SIGNS YOU WANTED, BOSS.
YEAH.
I'VE HEARD OF LOW
PRESSURE BEFORE, BOSS
BUT LET'S FACE IT...
THIS IS NO PRESSURE.
( groans)
IRV, YOU KNOW MY WIFE
ISN'T SPEAKING TO ME.
WOULD THAT THAT WERE
YOUR ONLY WORRY, BOSS.
YOU HAVEN'T MOVED A CAR
OFF THE LOT IN THREE DAYS.
I KNOW.
THAT OLD LADY WHO CAME
IN YESTERDAY AFTERNOON
TO BUY THAT OLD AUBURN...
I MEAN, LET'S LEVEL NOW.
HOW DO YOU START A SALES
PITCH BY TELLING THE CUSTOMER
THAT IF THE CAR
WAS ONE YEAR OLDER
MOSES COULD HAVE DRIVEN
IT ACROSS THE RED SEA?
THERE'S A LIMIT
TO HONESTY, BOSS!
IRVING, I... ( sighs)
I USED TO FEEL THAT WAY MYSELF.
I HATE TO BOTHER YOU NOW, BOSS
BUT IT'S THAT THING
ABOUT MY RAISE.
YOUR RAISE?
WELL, IT'S SIX MONTHS TODAY
I DON'T WANT TO BUG
YOU, BUT YOU PROMISED.
YOU SAID THAT IN SIX MONTHS
IF I'D SOLD THREE CARS,
THAT YOU WOULD TURN...
OH. YEAH, WELL, SURE.
WHEN I... I...
THE DAY YOU GET
MORE MONEY OUT OF ME,
IT'LL BE BELOW
ZERO IN THE FIJIS.
EVERY YOKEL WHO WORKS HERE
STARTS AND STOPS
AT THE SAME SALARY.
I ONLY DANGLE THAT
RAISE IN FRONT OF THEM
JUST AS LONG AS IT
TAKES THEM TO GET WISE.
IRV... IRV...
FOR YOU TO GET
MORE MONEY OUT OF ME
WOULD BE JUST
ABOUT AS EASY AS...
POURING HOT BUTTER
INTO A WILDCAT'S EAR.
IRV, THAT HURT ME
MORE THAN IT DID YOU.
CORRECTION.
THIS IS GOING TO HURT YOU A
LOT MORE THAN IT HURTS ME.
WHAT'S YOUR PLEASURE, SIR?
OH, LUTHER GRIMBLEY HERE.
HONEST LUTHER GRIMBLEY.
30 YEARS IN POLITICS,
CURRENTLY UP FOR REELECTION.
ALDERMAN, 13th WARD.
YOU'VE PROBABLY HEARD OF ME.
DELIGHTED.
SOMETHING NICE IN A MODEL-A?
BEAUTIFUL, ISN'T IT?
THAT DEPENDS.
IF YOU TAKE 12 ASPIRIN
AND SHUT YOUR EYES TIGHT
YOU MIGHT CALL IT BEAUTIFUL.
BUT IN THE COLD
LIGHT OF DAY, SON
IT'S A WRECK.
WHAT ABOUT ITS CONDITION?
WELL, LET ME TELL
YOU ONE THING...
THE BLOCK'S CRACKED.
BLOCK CRACKED?
BLOCK CRACKED.
WHAT ELSE?
YOU CAN SEE FOR YOURSELF.
YOU TAKE A GOOD
LOOK AT THESE TIRES.
THE RUBBER'S SHOT.
YEAH, SURE IS.
MIGHT BE GOOD FOR A FEW YEARS
NOT MANY, THOUGH.
MANY?
THIS CAR IS LIVING
ON BORROWED TIME.
WHAT... WHAT'S SHE WORTH?
OH...
I MEAN ASSUMING SOME CLOD
WHO WANTED A REAL BUM CAR
TO USE FOR A GAG OR SOMETHING
MAYBE... UH... 50 BUCKS?
50 BUCKS!
ALL RIGHT, MAYBE 60.
WHY NOT 30?
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, DO YOU?
THIS IS A BAD CAR, YOU SEE.
IT'S A LEMON.
LEMON?
WHY YOU DIRTY DOG, YOU.
YOU CLEVER SON OF A GUN.
THAT'S THE TRUTH.
THAT'S THE ABSOLUTE TRUTH.
I'VE SEEN ALL KINDS OF ROUTINES
ALL KINDS OF ROUTINES
BUT YOU CLEVER
LITTLE COOKIE, YOU.
THIS IS THE OLD
REVERSE ENGLISH, ISN'T IT?
THE OLD TWISTER-OO?
WHY YOU SHARP-SHOOTING, SHARPIE!
YOU KNEW I WANTED
IT, DIDN'T YOU?
YOU LITTLE DEVIL YOU!
YOU KNEW I WANTED IT.
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.
I'LL GIVE YOU 25 BUCKS FOR IT.
ON ACCOUNT OF IT'S GOOD
POLITICS TO DRIVE AN OLD CAR.
MAKES PEOPLE THINK YOU'RE
NOT GETTING RICH OFF OF THEM.
25 BUCKS!
HOW ABOUT 22½?
HUH?
I DIDN'T NOTICE THE
DENT IN THE FENDER.
OH.
I MEAN $22.50, THE
CAR AND NO STRINGS.
NO, UH, STRINGS?
YOU BETTER TROT OUT
THE STRINGS, BUDDY BOY.
TROT OUT THE STRINGS.
I WANT TO KNOW WHAT I'M GETTING.
WELL, $22.50, THE
CAR AS IS, AND, UH...
AND, UH, WHAT?
UH... WELL... UH...
THE CAR'S HAUNTED.
HAUNTED?
THE CAR IS HAUNTED?
SO IT'S HAUNTED.
I SWEAR, YOU'RE THE
CLEVEREST COOKIE IN THE...
YOU OUGHT TO BE IN POLITICS.
HAUNTED?
HOW IS IT HAUNTED?
WELL, WHOEVER OWNS
IT HAS TO TELL THE TRUTH.
WHOEVER OWNS IT
HAS TO TELL THE TRUTH?
THE WHOLE TRUTH,
AND THE ONLY WAY
HE CAN STOP TELLING THE
TRUTH IS TO SELL THE CAR.
HOW ABOUT THIS BABY?
THAT'S NO BABY.
THAT'S A GREAT-GRANDFATHER.
HASN'T GOT ANY TRANSMISSION,
NO REAR END, NO AXLE.
THAT ONE'S SHOT.
THAT'S THE GOODS, IS IT?
YOU HAVE TO TELL
THE TRUTH, DON'T YOU?
THAT'S IT.
THAT'S THE REASON FOR
THE SONG AND DANCE.
YOU HAVE TO TELL THE TRUTH.
WELL, WHAT ABOUT THE MODEL-A?
I MEAN, IN SPITE OF THE
FACT THAT IT'S HAUNTED
IT'S, IT'S STILL A SWELL...
CONVERSATION PIECE.
FOR SOME PEOPLE, MAYBE
BUT NOT FOR OLD,
HONEST LUTHER GRIMBLEY.
BUDDY BOY, I'M IN POLITICS.
WHEN YOU TELL ME
I GOT TO START TELLING
THE TRUTH ALL THE TIME
HOLY HANNA!
YOU KNOW SOMETHING?
I COULDN'T MAKE A
SINGLE POLITICAL SPEECH.
I COULDN'T RUN FOR OFFICE AGAIN.
NOW WHY DON'T YOU SELL THIS CAR
TO BOSS RYAN OVER AT 12th WARD.
I'D LOVE TO HEAR HIM
TELL THE TRUTH JUST ONCE.
OR THE MAYOR, THE MAYOR!
WHY DON'T YOU...?
HEY, WHY NOT EVEN
TO THIS GUY, HUH?
WHO?
THIS FELLA?
SAY, THAT'S NOT A BAD IDEA.
IF YOU COULD GET
HIM TO TELL THE TRUTH
THAT MIGHT BE THE
GREATEST GAG OF ALL TIME.
( muttering)
YEAH... WHY NOT, HUH?
OH, BOY!
THAT WOULD BE...
YOUR REASONING SEEMS
VALID, MR. HUNNICUT.
IT'S YOUR MOTIVES
THAT WE'RE CONCERNED...
DON'T WORRY ABOUT MY MOTIVES.
I BOUGHT THE CAR FOR 25 BUCKS
I'M SELLING IT FOR 25.
TALK IT OVER WITH YOUR BOSS.
I BELIEVE WE'LL ACCEPT
YOUR TERMS, MR. HUNNICUT.
YOU SAY $25 AMERICAN MONEY.
25 AMERICAN DOLLARS.
I GOT THE PAPERS.
NOW, THIS IS THE BILL OF SALE
THE TRANSFER OF TITLE,
THE CAR REGISTRATION.
HAVE YOUR BOSS SIGN ALL THREE
OF THEM ON THE DOTTED LINES THERE.
I'M EMPOWERED TO HANDLE
THE SIGNATURES MYSELF.
OH, NO, NO.
THE BOSS HAS TO
SIGN THEM, YOU DIG?
THE BOSS, THE BOSS
HAS TO SIGN THEM.
A SORT OF MEMENTO
OR SOUVENIR, IS THAT IT?
UH, YEAH, SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
WELL, I'LL SEE WHAT I CAN DO.
HERE WE ARE.
AND HERE IS THE MONEY.
25 AMERICAN DOLLARS.
YOU LUCKY DOG, YOU.
YOU GOT A MILLION BUCKS
WORTH OF PROPAGANDA HERE
YOU KNOW THAT?
NOW ALL YOU HAVE TO DO
IS TO TRY TO TELL YOUR FOLKS
THAT THIS IS THE KIND OF A CAR
THE AVERAGE AMERICAN DRIVES.
YOU TRY AND TELL THEM THAT.
THESE ARE YOUR
COPIES, THESE ARE MINE.
THAT DOES IT.
YOUR BOSS IS NOW THE
NEW OWNER OF THIS CAR.
DRIVE IT RIGHT OFF, BUDDY BOY.
YOU DRIVE IT RIGHT OFF.
IS THIS THE LIVING END!
AND I GOT HIS
SIGNATURE RIGHT HERE.
NIKITA KHRUSHCHEV.
( dialing telephone)
UH, LONG DISTANCE?
OPERATOR, SAY, IF
AN AMERICAN CITIZEN
HAS SOMETHING REAL
IMPORTANT IN THE WAY OF NEWS...
UH, WELL...
I MEAN IF IT AFFECTS THE FOREIGN
POLICY OF THE UNITED STATES...
WELL, WHAT I'D REALLY
LIKE TO KNOW IS...
CAN YOU GET ME THROUGH
TO JACK KENNEDY?
COULDN'T HAPPEN YOU SAY?
FAR-FETCHED, WAY
OUT, TILT-OF-CENTER?
POSSIBLE, BUT THE NEXT
TIME YOU BUY AN AUTOMOBILE
IF IT HAPPENS TO LOOK
AS IF IT'S GONE THROUGH
THE BATTLE OF THE MARNE
AND THE SELLER IS READY TO THROW
INTO THE BARGAIN ONE OF HIS ARMS
BE PARTICULARLY CAREFUL
IN EXPLAINING TO THE BOSS
ABOUT YOUR GRANDMOTHER'S FUNERAL
WHEN YOU WERE ACTUALLY AT
CHAVEZ RAVINE WATCHING THE DODGERS.
IT'LL BE A FACT THAT YOU'RE
THE PROUD POSSESSOR
OF AN INSTRUMENT OF TRUTH
MANUFACTURED AND DISTRIBUTED
BY AN EXCLUSIVE DEALER
IN THE TWILIGHT ZONE.
Announcer: ROD SERLING,
CREATOR OF THE TWILIGHT ZONE
WILL TELL YOU ABOUT
NEXT WEEK'S STORY
AFTER THIS WORD FROM
OUR ALTERNATE SPONSOR.
AND NOW, MR. SERLING.
NEXT WEEK, WE BRING YOU A
SHOW CALLED "THE INVADERS"
WRITTEN BY MR. RICHARD MATHESON.
AND IN THIS ROOM YOU'LL
WATCH MISS AGNES MOOREHEAD
IN A TENSION-RIDDLED
ATTEMPT AT ESCAPE
FROM A PAIR OF VERY
IMPROBABLE HOUSEBREAKERS.
THIS ONE WE RECOMMEND TO
SCIENCE FICTION BUFFS, FANTASY LOVERS
OR TO ANYONE WHO WANTS
TO GRIP THE EDGE OF HIS SEAT
AND TAKE A 24-MINUTE TRIP
INTO THE REALM OF TERROR.
( eerie music)
♪ PLEASE, PLEASE
DON'T BE A LITTERBUG ♪
♪ 'CAUSE EVERY
LITTER BIT HURTS. ♪