The Twilight Zone (1959–1964): Season 1, Episode 31 - The Chaser - full transcript

Roger Shackleforth's infatuated with Leila, a young woman who wants nothing to do with him. Whilst monopolising a pay phone, someone waiting to make a call refers him to Professor A. Dæmon, a seller of books, notions and potions, who - the man says - can help Roger with his love problem.. Though the Professor tries to dissuade him, Roger happily buys the potion for $1, anyways. It most certainly works. But 6 months later, Roger returns to the Professor - to find a solution to his new problem...

The Chaser
First Aired: 13 May 1960

English Subtitles by
Pandorafilm - Heerlen

There is a fifth dimension.
Beyond that which is known to man.

It is a dimension as vast as space.

And as timeless as infinity.

It is the middle ground
between light and shadow...

between science and superstition.

And it lies between
the pit of man's fears...

and the summit of his knowledge.

This is the dimension
of imagination.

It is an area which we call:
The Twilight Zone.



Telephone. You have a telephone?
Thank you.

This is madness. It's impossible
to make a call in New York.

An outrage. He's making another call.
-It's only his fifth.

He doesn't even talk.
He just dials.

Maybe he's got a dialect, huh?

Mr Roger Shackleforth.
Age, youthful twenties.

Occupation, being in love. Not just
in love, but madly, passionately.

Illogically, miserably,
all-consumingly in love.

With a young woman named Leila who
has a vague recollection of his face.

In a moment you'll see a switch.
Because Mr Roger Shackleforth...

will take a short, but meaningful
journey into the Twilight Zone.

Oh, I simply can't stand this.
I will buy your place. $1.

Oh. Sold.
-Thank you. Sir. $1 for your place.

Madame. A dollar for your place.
-A first place is more expansive. $2.



$2? Very good.
There you are. Thank you.

Hello.
-Hello, Leila darling, it's Roger.

Hello, Roger.

What is it?
-May I come to see you?

No, no, I can't. I couldn't bear
to see anybody. I'm a mess.

Oh, you could never be a mess.
-Listen, darling, I have to see you.

Roger, it's impossible.
-I must see you, darling, must.

Furiously, fiercely must.
I love you.

Roger, you've got to stop this.
You're acting like a baby.

I can't see you now, and that's that.
-Then, talk to me. say anything.

Say something?

All right, Roger,
I'll say something.

Why don't you take a
flying jump at the moon?

You've finished, haven't you?
-No, she hung up on me.

I've got to call her back.
-No, I have an emergency.

It won't do any good to call.
I understand your problem.

Here's the way to solve your problem.
Go and see this man right now.

Believe me, there is no other way.
That man will help you.

No, excuse me. Go and see him now
And your problems will be solved.

It's an emergency.

All right. Stop skulking around.
-I wasn't skulking. I didn't know...

Common disease, not knowing if.
Sit down on that pile of books.

Do I know you?
-No, sir. As a matter of fact...

Then you haven't come for a
bottle of the glove cleaner?

Glove cleaner?
No. As a matter of fact...

Perhaps another time. You keep
saying that. Come to the point.

I don't know why I came at all. A
man gave me your card, a stranger.

O, yes. Satisfied former customer.
-But I don't know why I came...

Of course you know why you came.
You want what I've got.

But I don't know what you've got.

Ointments, salves, powders, remedies,
nectars, lotus blossoms...

anti-toxins, decoctions, concoctions
and potions. All guaranteed.

I don't need anything like that.
-Well, you must, you're here.

Yes, but I don't need any medicine.
-Yes, you do. You look feverish.

Well, it's sort of,
you know, nothing.

Nothing I don't supply.
Something is my specialty.

Anything is what you can get here.

You're ambitious, is that it?
You want success, money, admirers?

No, that's not it at all.
-Power. You want power.

No, you don't understand.
All I want is Leila.

Yes, if I have Leila I can do
all the rest myself.

He wants Leila. I offer him almost
anything and all he wants is Leila.

You can't do anything about that?
-That's the simplest of all.

The elementary parlor trick of
my science. You disappoint me.

No, you don't understand. I'm in
love with somebody named Leila.

But she's not in love with me...
Why I'm telling you this?

I do. I can arrange it
so she'll love you.

I promise you she'll
never leave your side.

When she isn't telling you she loves
you, she'll be gazing at you lovingly.

She won't even eat before you do.
She'll do anything for you.

She'll worship you, she'll beg for
kisses and weep for joy at your touch.

If in passing time you should look
at another girl she'll feel hurt.

But she'll forgive you
and love you just the same.

Frankly, you'd get the same
shake from a cocker spaniel.

But that's wonderful. That's all in
the world I want. My Leila's love.

If it isn't his Leila's love, it's
his Rhea's love, or his Gwen's love.

Are you sure you wouldn't be
interested in the glove cleaner?

There are many names for it
including 'The Eradicator.'

But 'Glove cleaner' is a nice,
non-descriptive title.

Clean, colorless, tasteless
unidentifiable and sure.

I'm not interested in glove cleaners.
-Why not?

It's sure, it's swift, leaves no
traces. It's perfect for its purpose.

You're making any sense.
-My boy, that's all I make.

Which is why I'm such a lonely man.

You're sure you don't want to try the
glove cleaner? It's very expensive.

For instance this little
bottle costs $1,000.

Are all your prices like that?
-Some are, some aren't.

Yeah, but that thing that's
gonna make Leila love me.

Oh, that. That's only $1.

Love potions are my cheapest item.
And they're overpriced at that.

A dollar for my Leila's love?
It won't hurt her?

If anybody gets hurt, it'll be you.
But I don't expect you to believe me.

Put it in her drink, juice, soup,
coffee, water, anything.

You'll get exactly what you want.
-I don't believe this but I'll try it.

Why, I'll try anything.
Thanks, professor.

You know, if this works, I'll be
the happiest man in the world.

Hello, Leila.
-I told you I was busy tonight.

Just a minute, just a little minute.
Flowers, see?

That's very nice, Roger, thank you.
Now if you'll just run along.

I have to see you. You don't know
what it's like to love somebody.

To love anybody so much and
so desperately. Look...

Champagne. Just spare me five
minutes and have one drink with me.

Roger, you are acting like a clod.

A silly, stupid, sophomoric clod.
-I love you.

Stop saying that. I...

All right. One drink.

Five minutes, and then you go.

I've got to put on my dress.

It's like...
It's like millennium.

Well, let's get this over with.

Your time's up. Thank you very much
for the flowers and the champagne.

Now, goodbye, Roger.

Excellent champagne, wasn't it?
-It'll pass.

What are you looking
at me like that for?

Well, perhaps it's my last look.

All right, you've had it.

One last little kiss?
-Let's not prolong this any longer.

I haven't the time.
Now please go. Now.

I don't love you.
I don't want you here.

I don't even like you at the moment.
Now please go.

Here.

That's the best I can do.
And that took all my strength.

Roger, wait a minute.

Perhaps I am being cruel.
I don't mean to be.

I know.

Roger.

Let me make it a little nicer.

What's happening?

What difference?
Come here, baby.

Couldn't you please sit in a chair?
-Oh, yes, my darling husband.

I'm sorry if it bothers you,
I just love to kneel at your feet.

Well, kneel in a chair.
-Okay.

Which chair, darling?
-Any chair, it doesn't matter.

You want your slippers now, darling?
-No, they make my feet hot.

If they are hot now I could soak my
hands in ice water and caress them.

No, no, my feet are fine.

All right.

Don't you want to smoke your pipe?

No, it bites my tongue.
It's not broken in very well.

I'd be happy to break it in for you.
I could smoke it all day...

and then when you came home...
-Thanks, Leila, but no thanks.

You're welcome.

Oh, darling, I'm sorry.

I'll get a cigarette for you
in just a minute.

There. I should have put cigarettes
in that box by your chair. Here.

There we go.
-Thank you.

Shall I rub your back, darling?
-You just finished rubbing my back.

I know, but I adore touching you
and I'd be glad to rub it again.

Am I disturbing your reading?
-No, no.

Did I disturb you by asking
you if I was disturbing you?

No, no, dearest, not at all.

Oh, Roger.
I love you, Roger.

I'm so happy you're you.
You're just perfect.

I love to say 'I love you.'

I love to love you.
-Leila, I've got to go out.

Out. I've got an appointment.
I almost forgot.

Darling, will you be long?
-I don't know. I may be late.

Would you like me to go, too?
-No.

Why don't you stay here and hug
my jacket or something?

Is anything wrong, Roger, darling?
-No, I've got an appointment.

While you're gone, my love will grow
and grow and when you get back...

Hi, there, professor.

Ah, yes, I've been expecting you.
-You have?

Yes, I rather thought you'd like
to hear how things turned out.

I know how things turned out.

That potion sure works.
-I know, I know.

How are things with you?

Things haven't changed
with me in years.

Ugly situation we've got with China.
-You don't look so good, either.

Me? I'm fine. I just dropped around
to tell you that things are fine.

I'm glad to hear it.

Ah, glove cleaner, huh?
Do you sell much of that stuff?

Now and again.
-By the way, what's in it?

No trace, no odor, no taste. No way to
detect its presence. And it's sure.

$1,000. That's what you came for.
-Me? No, not at all.

Painless?
-It's perfect for its purpose.

Interesting.
-She loves you as I said she would.

A constant love. And nothing you
can do to her will change it.

She worships and adores you and
hangs on your every word. $1,000.

I am going out of my ever loving mind.
I can't stand it anymore.

Isn't there some way we
can quiet it down?

Can't we transfer this love?
To like a cocker spaniel?

Not a chance.
She's yours.

She's so nice to me.
She's so very good.

The glove cleaner is the only way.

Well, I can't do that.

There must be another way.

This is the way. The only way.
$1,000.

You have no idea. All the time love.
-I do know what it's like.

How do you think I came to
invent the glove cleaner?

But that's all my savings.
-I know. It's always that way.

No trace, no odor, no taste.
No way to detect.

All right.

Ah, all made out, eh? One thing
I must caution you about.

You must use it immediately, hear me?
And you must use it all.

Why, will it spoil?
-No, but you will.

Once you delay, you're lost.

If you fail the first time you'll
never have courage to use it again.

Goodbye, professor.
-Farewell.

Always the same way.
First the stimulant...

then the chaser.

My darling.

I thought we ought to have a party.
We're married six months like this.

Darling, what a lovely surprise.
You went out and might be late...

instead you come back with
champagne and flowers.

Can't have a party without glasses.
-It's just like the first time.

Only this time you don't
have to beg to stay.

Listen, why don't you sit over
there and I'll bring it to you.

Darling, would you like to have
candlelight? It's so romantic.

Sure. Sure. Candlelight,
Shmandlelight, anything.

Darling, it's so wonderful
being married to you.

I've never been so completely
happy in my whole life.

I've lived just to love you.

That's nice.

Sweetest, how did you happen
to think of the champagne?

It just came to me.

I remember the first time you brought
me champagne. How you looked.

Your eyes were filled with love.
And you watched me drink.

And so sadly because you thought
it was going to be our last drink.

Remember?
-I remember.

Lover, marshmallow, come here. Come
sit next to your Leila. Come on.

There you go.

Baby bunny.

I've got news for you,
sweet little rabbit.

Darling, we won't worry about it.

We don't need champagne.
We've got each other.

It's all right. I couldn't have
gone through with it.

Just think of it, darling.
This is only the beginning.

We'll be like this for the rest
of our lives. Won't we?

The rest of our lives.

Mr Roger Shackleforth, who has
discovered that love can be as...

sticky as a vat of molasses, and as
all-consuming as a fire in a haystack.

Case history of a lover boy, who
should never have entered...

the Twilight Zone.

English Subtitles by
B. Cornelis - Pandorafilm - Heerlen