The Twilight Zone (2019–…): Season 1, Episode 9 - Episode #1.10 - full transcript
["I NEVER HAD NO ONE" BY SAM
THE SHAM & THE PHARAOHS PLAYING]
JEFF STORCK: No. No, no, no.
Wait, Anne, yeah, can you just,
can you just give me a minute?
Yeah, this is Wednesday,
so I'm at, uh...
[KNOCKING AT DOOR]
Dad? Dad, it's Jeff.
- Yeah, can you just, can you just give me a minute?
- Yeah, yeah.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
Why isn't he fucking answering?
Dad, it's Jeff.
Anne, Anne, we shouldn't just
throw away our marriage.
Unless you've found
someone else.
You haven't, have you?
No, no, I just want it
to work out with us.
Yeah, well, I gave you space.
I moved out, didn't I?
Dad?
Yeah. Yes, Anne,
I got the...
the couples' therapist,
and if that doesn't reset
the marriage, then fine,
I'll-I'll relent.
We can look into arbitration.
Dad? Come on,
it's White Hot night.
Because I... because I... Anne.
Can you just, can you listen?
Can you just... For a minute?
Like I said before,
it's just not the right time.
I-I can't afford to go down the...
Dad?
I can't afford to go down
the divorce attorney route.
Fuck. I got to...
Oh, fuck.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Fuck. Fuck.
[CRYING]: Yes, it's my father.
Uh, in his... room.
He's, um...
he's shot himself.
Otis. My father's name
is Otis Storck.
[INDISTINCT POLICE RADIO CHATTER]
Professor Jeff Storck?
I need you to know that
such circumstances
are always investigated,
but we all know what this is.
Does this
belong to your father?
Is it registered to him?
Look, Mr. Storck,
[VOICE FADING]: I know this
is certainly upsetting...
...be on our way
if you can tell me
if this is your father's gun.
No.
No way.
It's not.
I don't know where it came from,
but he-he hates guns.
My father is...
he's a lifelong hippie.
Take this to the lab.
Go over it with ballistics.
OFFICER: Yes, sir.
BLUDWORTH: Was your father sick?
Alzheimer's?
I realize you have a job to do
and whatever,
but can we do it later, maybe?
I mean, my father just
basically shot himself in front of me.
No.
It would've been
last night some time.
I said "basically," didn't I?
Basically means basically,
not absolutely.
Basically.
He left a note.
Fuck sake. I am permitted
to read it to you,
if that's what you want.
Can't you just... Can I...
Can't I just read it?
NARRATOR: Here sits Professor
Jeffery Mingus Storck,
a man who holds a doctorate
in anthropology,
but possesses little
true knowledge of himself.
Today, Professor Storck is surrounded
by the many familiar artifacts
that shaped his father's life,
and the one unknown object
that ended it.
As a scientist,
he's about to embark
on his darkest
research project yet.
His conclusion will lie
somewhere between
the barrel of a gun
and the outer regions
of The Twilight Zone.
[THE TWILIGHT ZONETHEME PLAYING]
NARRATOR: You're traveling
through another dimension,
a dimension not only of
sight and sound but of mind.
It is the middle ground
between light and shadow,
between science
and superstition.
And it lies between
the pit of one's fears
and the summit
of one's knowledge.
You are now traveling through
a dimension of imagination.
You've just crossed over
into The Twilight Zone.
[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS IN DISTANCE]
["IT AIN'T NO EASY THING"
BY CARLA THOMAS PLAYING]
JEFF: My dad fell in love
with Lake Cayuga
back when he played
the Watkins Glen festival
one lake over in 1973.
He jammed with the Grateful Dead
during their sound check
the day before they went on.
He led a pretty interesting
life, all told.
Skipped up to Canada with
Neil Young and Crazy Horse
when he was evading
the Vietnam draft.
My father played Cuba in '69,
that Havana Jam thing
with Billy Joel
and Stephen Stills.
Met my mother
on the march to Montgomery.
♪ To want your lips... ♪
Dragged us the whole way here
from Ireland.
Never looked back.
[LAUGHING]
Never got divorced.
Never went bankrupt.
Never went unloved.
[CHUCKLES]
Did it not turn out
as he wanted?
I...
[QUIETLY]: Who did you love more than me?
["THOUGHTS OF YOU"
BY JAY FORTUNATO PLAYING]
♪ Whenever I'm feelin' lonely ♪
♪ Whenever I'm feelin' blue ♪
♪ What is it that takes
my mind away ♪
♪ What is it that
pulls me through? ♪
♪ Thoughts of you ♪
♪ When my world
no longer surrounds me ♪
♪ When the spirit's
broken in two ♪
♪ That's when I need you
to hide ♪
♪ Behind... ♪
Okay...
Fuck...
[PANTING]
What the fuck is that?
Good morning, Jeff.
Yo, Jeff,
what's up?
MAN: All good. How about you, Jeff?
See you tonight at Jeff's dorm, right?
WOMAN: Oh, my God, Jeff
is a total Jeff.
Such a Jeff.
PRESNELL: Jeff!
Hey, Jeff.
[BARKING]
That's a good boy.
That's a boy. [LAUGHS]
[WHISPERS]: Fuck...
[PARKING BRAKE CLACKS]
[KEY TURNS, ENGINE SHUTS OFF]
[SEATBELT UNBUCKLES]
[CAR DOOR CHIMES]
[KEYS JANGLING]
♪ ♪
[PISTOL COCKS]
Get out of my house!
It's me! It's me! It's me!
Anne, it's me.
I'm just getting my mail.
Jesus.
You scared the shit out of me.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to.
I just wanted...
Jesus, Jeff.
Oh, fuck.
Do you know how to,
do you know how to do
the-the safety thing?
Just... you point it.
I-I don't remember.
Why-why have you even got that?
I live alone now,
and there were two home invasions.
What?
A couple of streets over.
Oh, um, this came for you, too.
The police delivered it
earlier this evening.
Must be my dad's gun.
It's probably worth something.
[SCOFFS] Yeah, I'm not
gonna make money off
my dad's suicide, Anne.
You're gonna need
the money, Jeff.
Friends have told me that
I should get an attorney
to protect both of us.
Oh...
So...
that's what I did.
[SIGHS]
He'll contact you.
We talked about this, didn't we?
I've been trying to tell you.
A lot.
The thing is, Jeff...
You said you were okay with us
going to couple's therapy, so...
It's that...
I-I...
What the fuck?
I have fallen in love
with another man...
named Jeff.
♪ Oh, wait, oh ♪
♪ Wait ♪
♪ Don't walk out on me ♪
♪ I should've told you ♪
♪ Right from the start ♪
♪ I'm not free... ♪
♪ ...my heart ♪
♪ I can give nothing but love ♪
♪ Why should I lie? ♪
♪ But, darling,
that's yours... ♪
Oh, shit.
♪ Please let me love you ♪
♪ That's all I ask ♪
♪ Don't think of the future ♪
♪ Forget the past ♪
♪ Let's live just for now ♪
♪ Pretend all... ♪
Am I "him"?
Or am I "you"?
[LINE RINGING]
GUN BROKER [OVER PHONE]: The
gun superstore dot com.
Yeah, hey,
I'm-I'm looking to get rid of a gun.
You got the paperwork?
Uh, look-look, I-I don't know
anything about guns.
It seems old.
How about the serial number? Um...
It's on the grip.Oh.
Yeah. 1015-59.
Okay...
Oh, hey, any chance there's
a Blue Scorpion on the handle?
Yeah. There very much is.
Holy shit! I thought
the Blue Scorpion was a myth.
Dates back to 1952.
It's from Cuba.
Che Guevara was looking
for that gun.
It was made by this guy,
Eulogio Cienfuegos.
The legend is,
you don't find it, it finds you.
We can get you, like, $25,000 to
$50,000 for the Blue Scorpion.
Okay. I mean, whatever.
I just want to get the
bloody thing out of my life.
So, if you...
Fucking shit!
Oh, my God! Are you all right?
What the...?
Are you there, brother?
Hey...
Shit.
...are you okay?
Oh... Yeah.
I'm all right, I'm okay, I'm all right.
Fuck.
Jesus Christ, was there
a round in the chamber?
I don't know.
Okay.
[DOG BARKING OUTSIDE]
Send me all your information
and a picture
of the gun.
I'll take care of everything.
Once it's sold, and if you
don't have a license,
you'll have to ship it by carrier.
Yeah.
But if you do, don't forget
to punch a small hole
in the box so some light
can get in.
Legend is,
the Blue Scorpion's
afraid of the dark.
Where do I send my information?
To me, Bob Jeff,
at the gun superstore dot com.
P.O. Box 5252... Hold on.
...Earlysville, Virginia 22901.
Did you just say "Jeff"?
I-I'm sorry,
could you remind me...
Your research project is?
"Animism in contemporary China."
This-this research project is...
Sorry, excuse me.
This...
This research project
is-is really messing
with my head, Dr. Storck.
Um... [CELL PHONE BUZZING]
You know how animism
is, like...
Yeah.
...the belief that
there's a-a spirit in,
in every single thing,
and-and even inanimate
objects have a soul?
Yeah, I know what it is, Grace.
[CHUCKLES]
[CHUCKLES] Well, it's, like,
nothing talks to me
or anything like that, but
I-I can't help feel
that all my stuff...
My shoes,
toothbrush, hats...
Are all, like,
friends.
Do you ever have that?
[LAUGHS] No.
And you shouldn't either.
[LAUGHS] That's, um,
I think what you're
experiencing is anthropomorphism,
attributing human properties
to inanimate objects,
which is different from animism,
which is a religious belief,
as I'm sure you know.
I wouldn't worry.
It's dri...
It's driving me crazy.
It's a little late in the term
to be changing subjects.
[CELL PHONE BUZZING]
What the... F...
Okay, sir, when I leave my dorm,
nothing can be, like,
left by itself.
Like, if my boots are over by the bed
and my gym shoes
are in the closet,
I-I feel like they're...
I don't know... lonely.
And I-I have to make sure that
everything is grouped together
or I feel bad that they
might be afraid of the dark,
so I leave the light on.
[VOICE FADING]: I-I go back to my dorm...
It's just because
of this stupid project.
It's the project,
and I'm sorry, but I can't...
I-I need to change the subject.
Okay.
Thank you so much.
My shoes thank you, too.
[CHUCKLES]
Jeff Storck?
Oh, I'm sorry.
I need to prepare for a lecture.
I'm Anne's attorney.
Fuck off.
Your name is Jeff, too?
[CHUCKLES]
That's great, though, Jeff.
We can begin negotiations
from a point of commonality.
Can you just ease off?
Can you just...
Please, please.
This isn't, this isn't a good time for me.
I, um,
my father just passed away,
and he didn't do a will,
so the whole estate
is fucked up, you know?
Maybe we can do this
another day?
Yeah, sure. If any of that
estate is left to you, uh,
be advised that half of it
now belongs to Anne.
So if you need any help at all...
I can make all of your
troubles go away.
You have my card.
[CELL PHONE BUZZING]
Stop calling me.
GUN BROKER [OVER PHONE]: Hey, J...
Hey, Jeff. It's Bob Jeff.
Just fucking stop!
When I think the time is right
to get rid of the fucking thing,
you'll be the first one
to know it, do you understand?
There's only been seven owners
of the Blue Scorpion,
including you.
I have people lining up
willing to lay down
$100,000 for this gun.
If we sell this thing,
all our dreams will come true.
Now, of course,
don't forget my cut.
♪ One pill makes you larger ♪
♪ And one pill makes you small ♪
♪ And the ones
that Mother gives you ♪
♪ Don't do anything at all ♪
♪ Go ask Alice ♪
♪ When she's ten feet tall ♪
♪ And if you go ♪
♪ Chasing rabbits ♪
♪ And you know you're ♪
♪ Going to fall ♪
♪ Tell 'em a hookah-smoking
caterpillar ♪
♪ Has given you the call ♪
♪ Call Alice ♪
♪ When she was just small ♪
♪ The chessboard ♪
♪ Get up and tell you
where to go ♪
♪ And you've just had
some kind of mushroom ♪
♪ And your mind is moving low ♪
♪ Go ask Alice ♪
♪ I think she'll know ♪
♪ When logic and proportion ♪
♪ Have fallen sloppy dead ♪
♪ And the White Knight
is talking backwards ♪
♪ And the Red Queen's
off with her head ♪
♪ Remember ♪
♪ What the Dormouse said ♪
♪ Feed your head ♪
♪ Feed your head. ♪
[STATIC]
Dad?
[QUIETLY]: Fuck.
Oh, man, I'm so fucking high.
Eulogio Cienfuegos.
Yeah, okay.
You're not really here.
You're not... You're not there.
You're... You're a hallucination.
That name...
I heard that name
from the gun dealer guy.
Mr. Storck,
the pistol wants to help
end your troubles.
The Blue Scorpion loves you
more than anyone.
It only asks one thing in return:
Light.
It is afraid of the dark.
[EXHALES]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Sorry.
Hello. Good afternoon.
I'd, uh...
I'd like to
um...
[QUIETLY]: I don't have a lot of experience
with this.
You need to rent a gun?
No. No, I have one.
Hello. Can I see the gun in
order to determine if it's safe
to fire in the range?
Yeah.
No. No, please, don't, sorry.
Just don't... don't.
Have you ever fired
this gun before?
No. No, I haven't.
And I only need to shoot it once.
So...
Why?
Why? Uh...
because then I'm gonna sell it.
Why don't you just sell it?
Why do you have
to fire it first?
Um... you know, it...
[CLEARS THROAT]
...it's not so much about
the shooting of the gun.
It's more that the shooting
of the gun
will destroy a bullet.
A certain bullet.
[CHUCKLES] No, but...
Trust me, I'll be
much better once I get rid of this.
DANA: Okay, it's...
it's just a bullet.
Ever since I'm come
in possession of this gun,
weird things occur. Like,
I keep bumping into different
types of people named Jeff!
And I understand that
it's not an uncommon name,
but to meet a different person
named Jeff
nearly every single day,
it's not right.
It's weird, it's weird, right?
His name's Jeff.
Fff...
[GUNSHOTS]
[GUNSHOTS CONTINUE]
[SOUND MUFFLES]
♪ ♪
[GUNSHOT]
[CASING CLATTERS ON FLOOR]
[GUNSHOTS]
[CLICKS]
Ow!
[QUIETLY]: You'd never hurt me.
[60'S ELECTRIC GUITAR PLAYING]
Excuse me.
Just give me one second, please.
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
[WHISPERS]: Shit.
Okay, who's first?
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]
[ANNE SIGHS]
ANNE: Thank you.
JEFF DOLIN: You're welcome.
[CHUCKLES]
ANNE: What?
You know...
You sure you want to go over
these settlement terms
without any representation?
They can become, uh...
quite uncomfortable.
Oh, I'm comfortable.
Yeah.
I'm... I'm at peace, Jeff.
I'm... tranquil.
Because you see,
I also have a friend
who's gonna help me.
He's gonna make
all of my troubles...
disappear.
So should we get started, Jeff?
I've been looking forward
to this.
JEFF DOLIN: Why don't we
break down the assets?
Let's start with item one: the house.
Yeah.
JEFF DOLIN: ...Item 38.
Fender electric bass.
JEFF: No! No!
You don't get to take my dad's
bass! Are you fuck...
How can you even try?
JEFF DOLIN: We're not "taking" it.
New York is
an equitable distribution state.
It's unfair that you prevent
such a valuable item
from liquidation
for sentimental causes. I love you.
I do.
I love you.
I love you more than anyone.
I do.
Jeff... I still do.
How can you try to
take that from me?
I... Well, bass guitars played
at both Monterey Pop
and Watkins Glen are very rare...
Can you shut the fuck up, Jeff?
Could you do that for me?
This ain't about you.
That language,
sir, is inappropriate
at this negotiation.
The languageis inappropriate.
Okay, you know what, Jeff?
I never even wanted the bass.
I just need a break.
You want me to show you something
that I know you will find inappropriate,
Jeff? Can I have security in here?
What the fuck is this?
Taking a break.
Get off me!
Let go of me!
We're just taking a break.
Get the fuck off me!
Get off me!
Just let me get out of here.
Okay? Can I, can I do that?
Can I... Have it all, Anne!
Just fucking have it all!
Just take everything!
Except the Blue Scorpion.
You can have it all
and shove it up your arse!
Escort him out.
Okay, I'm gonna go.
I'm gonna go.
[QUIETLY]: Before anyone gets hurt.
Just go, go, go, go, go.
I love himmore
than I ever loved you.
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]
♪ Were the tears in your eyes
meant for me ♪
♪ Or the man you had
waiting at home? ♪
[BUZZING]
♪ I didn't mean to smile
♪ I didn't mean to laugh...
Yeah?
GUN BROKER: Jeff, it's Bob.
Bob Jeff here.
Hey, I'm really sorry, I hope
it's not too late to be calling,
but I just got off the phone.
Too late, Bob.
Listen, no one will love
the Blue Scorpion more than me.
Way too late.
I have no interest in selling
the Blue Scorpion.
Mr. Storck, I will see
this thing through. So stop calling me.
I'll be sure you get top dollar for it.
Never call me again, understand?
Sir, I'm begging you, please don't hang up.
Because I will never sell him.
Please, just let me finish
what I have to say. Jeff?
Jeff, you sound real busy.
I'll check with you tomorrow.
[EXHALES]
♪ My friend... ♪
[IMITATES GUNSHOT]
[IMITATES GUNSHOT]
[IMITATES GUNSHOT]
[RAGGED BREATHS]
♪ ♪
You got to ask yourself:
did it take six shots or only five?
[CLATTERING IN DISTANCE]
[HEART BEATING]
[PANTING]
[ANNE SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
[SCOFFS]
You think you love her.
But you'll never know real love.
♪ ♪
Shit! No... what?
No... fuck!
No, no, no! No!
Shit!
Stop!
[HORN HONKING]
[JEFF SHOUTING]
Fuck!
No! Oh!
[GUNSHOT]
[CAR BEEPING]
[DOG BARKING]
[PANTING]
[SIRENS WAILING]
[TIRES SCREECHING]
STEWART: Drop the gun!
I said drop the fucking gun now!
SUCH: On the ground! Face on the ground!
STEWART: Now!
SUCH: Get down now!
[INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER]
SUCH: Hands where I can see them!
STEWART: This guy's 10-100.
He matches the description
of the suspect
who's been invading homes
in the area.
SUCH: Any ID?
STEWART: Barrett.
Barrett's the last name.
And his first name is Jeff?
Yeah. Why, you know him?
You want to tell me
what happened here?
["POUND ONE OUT" BY JAMES HAMBLY BEGINS]
♪ It's a long time... ♪
I want you to know
that Anne greatly appreciates
what you did to protect her
and Jeff that night.
All the concessions are her way
of showing her gratitude.
♪ How can I face another day? ♪
♪ There's nothing romantic
about my love affair ♪
♪ But how long
can it stay this way? ♪
And so, Jeff, representing
the regents of this university,
we would be honored
if you would accept the chair
of the department
of anthropology.
♪ The dirty clothes
have disappeared... ♪
[KNOCKING AT DOOR]
I'm looking for Jeffery Storck.
Yeah, that's me.
♪ ♪
DYLAN: My dad says fish
come closer in the morning.
Yeah, but he also says
Limp Bizkit
is better than Kendrick Lamar.
I don't know, old people
say weird shit like that.
All right.
[EXHALES]
All right.
[LAUGHS]: No way!
Look what I found!
Oh, my God.
Look!
Check out the name on this bullet.
It's my name.
Kyle.
Huh. Whatever.
Let's load it?
Oh.
That actually worked.
Oh. Like so... Hold this.
And then, I think...
Look at this.
Hey, man.
Anything you say and do
will be used to you
in a court of law.
Oh. Pass.
That's so cool.
NARRATOR: Human beings have a funny way
of treating things like people.
But today, they'll learn
that as long as objects
are valued more than lives...
tragedy will forever be manufactured
here in The Twilight Zone.
THE SHAM & THE PHARAOHS PLAYING]
JEFF STORCK: No. No, no, no.
Wait, Anne, yeah, can you just,
can you just give me a minute?
Yeah, this is Wednesday,
so I'm at, uh...
[KNOCKING AT DOOR]
Dad? Dad, it's Jeff.
- Yeah, can you just, can you just give me a minute?
- Yeah, yeah.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
Why isn't he fucking answering?
Dad, it's Jeff.
Anne, Anne, we shouldn't just
throw away our marriage.
Unless you've found
someone else.
You haven't, have you?
No, no, I just want it
to work out with us.
Yeah, well, I gave you space.
I moved out, didn't I?
Dad?
Yeah. Yes, Anne,
I got the...
the couples' therapist,
and if that doesn't reset
the marriage, then fine,
I'll-I'll relent.
We can look into arbitration.
Dad? Come on,
it's White Hot night.
Because I... because I... Anne.
Can you just, can you listen?
Can you just... For a minute?
Like I said before,
it's just not the right time.
I-I can't afford to go down the...
Dad?
I can't afford to go down
the divorce attorney route.
Fuck. I got to...
Oh, fuck.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Fuck. Fuck.
[CRYING]: Yes, it's my father.
Uh, in his... room.
He's, um...
he's shot himself.
Otis. My father's name
is Otis Storck.
[INDISTINCT POLICE RADIO CHATTER]
Professor Jeff Storck?
I need you to know that
such circumstances
are always investigated,
but we all know what this is.
Does this
belong to your father?
Is it registered to him?
Look, Mr. Storck,
[VOICE FADING]: I know this
is certainly upsetting...
...be on our way
if you can tell me
if this is your father's gun.
No.
No way.
It's not.
I don't know where it came from,
but he-he hates guns.
My father is...
he's a lifelong hippie.
Take this to the lab.
Go over it with ballistics.
OFFICER: Yes, sir.
BLUDWORTH: Was your father sick?
Alzheimer's?
I realize you have a job to do
and whatever,
but can we do it later, maybe?
I mean, my father just
basically shot himself in front of me.
No.
It would've been
last night some time.
I said "basically," didn't I?
Basically means basically,
not absolutely.
Basically.
He left a note.
Fuck sake. I am permitted
to read it to you,
if that's what you want.
Can't you just... Can I...
Can't I just read it?
NARRATOR: Here sits Professor
Jeffery Mingus Storck,
a man who holds a doctorate
in anthropology,
but possesses little
true knowledge of himself.
Today, Professor Storck is surrounded
by the many familiar artifacts
that shaped his father's life,
and the one unknown object
that ended it.
As a scientist,
he's about to embark
on his darkest
research project yet.
His conclusion will lie
somewhere between
the barrel of a gun
and the outer regions
of The Twilight Zone.
[THE TWILIGHT ZONETHEME PLAYING]
NARRATOR: You're traveling
through another dimension,
a dimension not only of
sight and sound but of mind.
It is the middle ground
between light and shadow,
between science
and superstition.
And it lies between
the pit of one's fears
and the summit
of one's knowledge.
You are now traveling through
a dimension of imagination.
You've just crossed over
into The Twilight Zone.
[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS IN DISTANCE]
["IT AIN'T NO EASY THING"
BY CARLA THOMAS PLAYING]
JEFF: My dad fell in love
with Lake Cayuga
back when he played
the Watkins Glen festival
one lake over in 1973.
He jammed with the Grateful Dead
during their sound check
the day before they went on.
He led a pretty interesting
life, all told.
Skipped up to Canada with
Neil Young and Crazy Horse
when he was evading
the Vietnam draft.
My father played Cuba in '69,
that Havana Jam thing
with Billy Joel
and Stephen Stills.
Met my mother
on the march to Montgomery.
♪ To want your lips... ♪
Dragged us the whole way here
from Ireland.
Never looked back.
[LAUGHING]
Never got divorced.
Never went bankrupt.
Never went unloved.
[CHUCKLES]
Did it not turn out
as he wanted?
I...
[QUIETLY]: Who did you love more than me?
["THOUGHTS OF YOU"
BY JAY FORTUNATO PLAYING]
♪ Whenever I'm feelin' lonely ♪
♪ Whenever I'm feelin' blue ♪
♪ What is it that takes
my mind away ♪
♪ What is it that
pulls me through? ♪
♪ Thoughts of you ♪
♪ When my world
no longer surrounds me ♪
♪ When the spirit's
broken in two ♪
♪ That's when I need you
to hide ♪
♪ Behind... ♪
Okay...
Fuck...
[PANTING]
What the fuck is that?
Good morning, Jeff.
Yo, Jeff,
what's up?
MAN: All good. How about you, Jeff?
See you tonight at Jeff's dorm, right?
WOMAN: Oh, my God, Jeff
is a total Jeff.
Such a Jeff.
PRESNELL: Jeff!
Hey, Jeff.
[BARKING]
That's a good boy.
That's a boy. [LAUGHS]
[WHISPERS]: Fuck...
[PARKING BRAKE CLACKS]
[KEY TURNS, ENGINE SHUTS OFF]
[SEATBELT UNBUCKLES]
[CAR DOOR CHIMES]
[KEYS JANGLING]
♪ ♪
[PISTOL COCKS]
Get out of my house!
It's me! It's me! It's me!
Anne, it's me.
I'm just getting my mail.
Jesus.
You scared the shit out of me.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to.
I just wanted...
Jesus, Jeff.
Oh, fuck.
Do you know how to,
do you know how to do
the-the safety thing?
Just... you point it.
I-I don't remember.
Why-why have you even got that?
I live alone now,
and there were two home invasions.
What?
A couple of streets over.
Oh, um, this came for you, too.
The police delivered it
earlier this evening.
Must be my dad's gun.
It's probably worth something.
[SCOFFS] Yeah, I'm not
gonna make money off
my dad's suicide, Anne.
You're gonna need
the money, Jeff.
Friends have told me that
I should get an attorney
to protect both of us.
Oh...
So...
that's what I did.
[SIGHS]
He'll contact you.
We talked about this, didn't we?
I've been trying to tell you.
A lot.
The thing is, Jeff...
You said you were okay with us
going to couple's therapy, so...
It's that...
I-I...
What the fuck?
I have fallen in love
with another man...
named Jeff.
♪ Oh, wait, oh ♪
♪ Wait ♪
♪ Don't walk out on me ♪
♪ I should've told you ♪
♪ Right from the start ♪
♪ I'm not free... ♪
♪ ...my heart ♪
♪ I can give nothing but love ♪
♪ Why should I lie? ♪
♪ But, darling,
that's yours... ♪
Oh, shit.
♪ Please let me love you ♪
♪ That's all I ask ♪
♪ Don't think of the future ♪
♪ Forget the past ♪
♪ Let's live just for now ♪
♪ Pretend all... ♪
Am I "him"?
Or am I "you"?
[LINE RINGING]
GUN BROKER [OVER PHONE]: The
gun superstore dot com.
Yeah, hey,
I'm-I'm looking to get rid of a gun.
You got the paperwork?
Uh, look-look, I-I don't know
anything about guns.
It seems old.
How about the serial number? Um...
It's on the grip.Oh.
Yeah. 1015-59.
Okay...
Oh, hey, any chance there's
a Blue Scorpion on the handle?
Yeah. There very much is.
Holy shit! I thought
the Blue Scorpion was a myth.
Dates back to 1952.
It's from Cuba.
Che Guevara was looking
for that gun.
It was made by this guy,
Eulogio Cienfuegos.
The legend is,
you don't find it, it finds you.
We can get you, like, $25,000 to
$50,000 for the Blue Scorpion.
Okay. I mean, whatever.
I just want to get the
bloody thing out of my life.
So, if you...
Fucking shit!
Oh, my God! Are you all right?
What the...?
Are you there, brother?
Hey...
Shit.
...are you okay?
Oh... Yeah.
I'm all right, I'm okay, I'm all right.
Fuck.
Jesus Christ, was there
a round in the chamber?
I don't know.
Okay.
[DOG BARKING OUTSIDE]
Send me all your information
and a picture
of the gun.
I'll take care of everything.
Once it's sold, and if you
don't have a license,
you'll have to ship it by carrier.
Yeah.
But if you do, don't forget
to punch a small hole
in the box so some light
can get in.
Legend is,
the Blue Scorpion's
afraid of the dark.
Where do I send my information?
To me, Bob Jeff,
at the gun superstore dot com.
P.O. Box 5252... Hold on.
...Earlysville, Virginia 22901.
Did you just say "Jeff"?
I-I'm sorry,
could you remind me...
Your research project is?
"Animism in contemporary China."
This-this research project is...
Sorry, excuse me.
This...
This research project
is-is really messing
with my head, Dr. Storck.
Um... [CELL PHONE BUZZING]
You know how animism
is, like...
Yeah.
...the belief that
there's a-a spirit in,
in every single thing,
and-and even inanimate
objects have a soul?
Yeah, I know what it is, Grace.
[CHUCKLES]
[CHUCKLES] Well, it's, like,
nothing talks to me
or anything like that, but
I-I can't help feel
that all my stuff...
My shoes,
toothbrush, hats...
Are all, like,
friends.
Do you ever have that?
[LAUGHS] No.
And you shouldn't either.
[LAUGHS] That's, um,
I think what you're
experiencing is anthropomorphism,
attributing human properties
to inanimate objects,
which is different from animism,
which is a religious belief,
as I'm sure you know.
I wouldn't worry.
It's dri...
It's driving me crazy.
It's a little late in the term
to be changing subjects.
[CELL PHONE BUZZING]
What the... F...
Okay, sir, when I leave my dorm,
nothing can be, like,
left by itself.
Like, if my boots are over by the bed
and my gym shoes
are in the closet,
I-I feel like they're...
I don't know... lonely.
And I-I have to make sure that
everything is grouped together
or I feel bad that they
might be afraid of the dark,
so I leave the light on.
[VOICE FADING]: I-I go back to my dorm...
It's just because
of this stupid project.
It's the project,
and I'm sorry, but I can't...
I-I need to change the subject.
Okay.
Thank you so much.
My shoes thank you, too.
[CHUCKLES]
Jeff Storck?
Oh, I'm sorry.
I need to prepare for a lecture.
I'm Anne's attorney.
Fuck off.
Your name is Jeff, too?
[CHUCKLES]
That's great, though, Jeff.
We can begin negotiations
from a point of commonality.
Can you just ease off?
Can you just...
Please, please.
This isn't, this isn't a good time for me.
I, um,
my father just passed away,
and he didn't do a will,
so the whole estate
is fucked up, you know?
Maybe we can do this
another day?
Yeah, sure. If any of that
estate is left to you, uh,
be advised that half of it
now belongs to Anne.
So if you need any help at all...
I can make all of your
troubles go away.
You have my card.
[CELL PHONE BUZZING]
Stop calling me.
GUN BROKER [OVER PHONE]: Hey, J...
Hey, Jeff. It's Bob Jeff.
Just fucking stop!
When I think the time is right
to get rid of the fucking thing,
you'll be the first one
to know it, do you understand?
There's only been seven owners
of the Blue Scorpion,
including you.
I have people lining up
willing to lay down
$100,000 for this gun.
If we sell this thing,
all our dreams will come true.
Now, of course,
don't forget my cut.
♪ One pill makes you larger ♪
♪ And one pill makes you small ♪
♪ And the ones
that Mother gives you ♪
♪ Don't do anything at all ♪
♪ Go ask Alice ♪
♪ When she's ten feet tall ♪
♪ And if you go ♪
♪ Chasing rabbits ♪
♪ And you know you're ♪
♪ Going to fall ♪
♪ Tell 'em a hookah-smoking
caterpillar ♪
♪ Has given you the call ♪
♪ Call Alice ♪
♪ When she was just small ♪
♪ The chessboard ♪
♪ Get up and tell you
where to go ♪
♪ And you've just had
some kind of mushroom ♪
♪ And your mind is moving low ♪
♪ Go ask Alice ♪
♪ I think she'll know ♪
♪ When logic and proportion ♪
♪ Have fallen sloppy dead ♪
♪ And the White Knight
is talking backwards ♪
♪ And the Red Queen's
off with her head ♪
♪ Remember ♪
♪ What the Dormouse said ♪
♪ Feed your head ♪
♪ Feed your head. ♪
[STATIC]
Dad?
[QUIETLY]: Fuck.
Oh, man, I'm so fucking high.
Eulogio Cienfuegos.
Yeah, okay.
You're not really here.
You're not... You're not there.
You're... You're a hallucination.
That name...
I heard that name
from the gun dealer guy.
Mr. Storck,
the pistol wants to help
end your troubles.
The Blue Scorpion loves you
more than anyone.
It only asks one thing in return:
Light.
It is afraid of the dark.
[EXHALES]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Sorry.
Hello. Good afternoon.
I'd, uh...
I'd like to
um...
[QUIETLY]: I don't have a lot of experience
with this.
You need to rent a gun?
No. No, I have one.
Hello. Can I see the gun in
order to determine if it's safe
to fire in the range?
Yeah.
No. No, please, don't, sorry.
Just don't... don't.
Have you ever fired
this gun before?
No. No, I haven't.
And I only need to shoot it once.
So...
Why?
Why? Uh...
because then I'm gonna sell it.
Why don't you just sell it?
Why do you have
to fire it first?
Um... you know, it...
[CLEARS THROAT]
...it's not so much about
the shooting of the gun.
It's more that the shooting
of the gun
will destroy a bullet.
A certain bullet.
[CHUCKLES] No, but...
Trust me, I'll be
much better once I get rid of this.
DANA: Okay, it's...
it's just a bullet.
Ever since I'm come
in possession of this gun,
weird things occur. Like,
I keep bumping into different
types of people named Jeff!
And I understand that
it's not an uncommon name,
but to meet a different person
named Jeff
nearly every single day,
it's not right.
It's weird, it's weird, right?
His name's Jeff.
Fff...
[GUNSHOTS]
[GUNSHOTS CONTINUE]
[SOUND MUFFLES]
♪ ♪
[GUNSHOT]
[CASING CLATTERS ON FLOOR]
[GUNSHOTS]
[CLICKS]
Ow!
[QUIETLY]: You'd never hurt me.
[60'S ELECTRIC GUITAR PLAYING]
Excuse me.
Just give me one second, please.
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
[WHISPERS]: Shit.
Okay, who's first?
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]
[ANNE SIGHS]
ANNE: Thank you.
JEFF DOLIN: You're welcome.
[CHUCKLES]
ANNE: What?
You know...
You sure you want to go over
these settlement terms
without any representation?
They can become, uh...
quite uncomfortable.
Oh, I'm comfortable.
Yeah.
I'm... I'm at peace, Jeff.
I'm... tranquil.
Because you see,
I also have a friend
who's gonna help me.
He's gonna make
all of my troubles...
disappear.
So should we get started, Jeff?
I've been looking forward
to this.
JEFF DOLIN: Why don't we
break down the assets?
Let's start with item one: the house.
Yeah.
JEFF DOLIN: ...Item 38.
Fender electric bass.
JEFF: No! No!
You don't get to take my dad's
bass! Are you fuck...
How can you even try?
JEFF DOLIN: We're not "taking" it.
New York is
an equitable distribution state.
It's unfair that you prevent
such a valuable item
from liquidation
for sentimental causes. I love you.
I do.
I love you.
I love you more than anyone.
I do.
Jeff... I still do.
How can you try to
take that from me?
I... Well, bass guitars played
at both Monterey Pop
and Watkins Glen are very rare...
Can you shut the fuck up, Jeff?
Could you do that for me?
This ain't about you.
That language,
sir, is inappropriate
at this negotiation.
The languageis inappropriate.
Okay, you know what, Jeff?
I never even wanted the bass.
I just need a break.
You want me to show you something
that I know you will find inappropriate,
Jeff? Can I have security in here?
What the fuck is this?
Taking a break.
Get off me!
Let go of me!
We're just taking a break.
Get the fuck off me!
Get off me!
Just let me get out of here.
Okay? Can I, can I do that?
Can I... Have it all, Anne!
Just fucking have it all!
Just take everything!
Except the Blue Scorpion.
You can have it all
and shove it up your arse!
Escort him out.
Okay, I'm gonna go.
I'm gonna go.
[QUIETLY]: Before anyone gets hurt.
Just go, go, go, go, go.
I love himmore
than I ever loved you.
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]
♪ Were the tears in your eyes
meant for me ♪
♪ Or the man you had
waiting at home? ♪
[BUZZING]
♪ I didn't mean to smile
♪ I didn't mean to laugh...
Yeah?
GUN BROKER: Jeff, it's Bob.
Bob Jeff here.
Hey, I'm really sorry, I hope
it's not too late to be calling,
but I just got off the phone.
Too late, Bob.
Listen, no one will love
the Blue Scorpion more than me.
Way too late.
I have no interest in selling
the Blue Scorpion.
Mr. Storck, I will see
this thing through. So stop calling me.
I'll be sure you get top dollar for it.
Never call me again, understand?
Sir, I'm begging you, please don't hang up.
Because I will never sell him.
Please, just let me finish
what I have to say. Jeff?
Jeff, you sound real busy.
I'll check with you tomorrow.
[EXHALES]
♪ My friend... ♪
[IMITATES GUNSHOT]
[IMITATES GUNSHOT]
[IMITATES GUNSHOT]
[RAGGED BREATHS]
♪ ♪
You got to ask yourself:
did it take six shots or only five?
[CLATTERING IN DISTANCE]
[HEART BEATING]
[PANTING]
[ANNE SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
[SCOFFS]
You think you love her.
But you'll never know real love.
♪ ♪
Shit! No... what?
No... fuck!
No, no, no! No!
Shit!
Stop!
[HORN HONKING]
[JEFF SHOUTING]
Fuck!
No! Oh!
[GUNSHOT]
[CAR BEEPING]
[DOG BARKING]
[PANTING]
[SIRENS WAILING]
[TIRES SCREECHING]
STEWART: Drop the gun!
I said drop the fucking gun now!
SUCH: On the ground! Face on the ground!
STEWART: Now!
SUCH: Get down now!
[INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER]
SUCH: Hands where I can see them!
STEWART: This guy's 10-100.
He matches the description
of the suspect
who's been invading homes
in the area.
SUCH: Any ID?
STEWART: Barrett.
Barrett's the last name.
And his first name is Jeff?
Yeah. Why, you know him?
You want to tell me
what happened here?
["POUND ONE OUT" BY JAMES HAMBLY BEGINS]
♪ It's a long time... ♪
I want you to know
that Anne greatly appreciates
what you did to protect her
and Jeff that night.
All the concessions are her way
of showing her gratitude.
♪ How can I face another day? ♪
♪ There's nothing romantic
about my love affair ♪
♪ But how long
can it stay this way? ♪
And so, Jeff, representing
the regents of this university,
we would be honored
if you would accept the chair
of the department
of anthropology.
♪ The dirty clothes
have disappeared... ♪
[KNOCKING AT DOOR]
I'm looking for Jeffery Storck.
Yeah, that's me.
♪ ♪
DYLAN: My dad says fish
come closer in the morning.
Yeah, but he also says
Limp Bizkit
is better than Kendrick Lamar.
I don't know, old people
say weird shit like that.
All right.
[EXHALES]
All right.
[LAUGHS]: No way!
Look what I found!
Oh, my God.
Look!
Check out the name on this bullet.
It's my name.
Kyle.
Huh. Whatever.
Let's load it?
Oh.
That actually worked.
Oh. Like so... Hold this.
And then, I think...
Look at this.
Hey, man.
Anything you say and do
will be used to you
in a court of law.
Oh. Pass.
That's so cool.
NARRATOR: Human beings have a funny way
of treating things like people.
But today, they'll learn
that as long as objects
are valued more than lives...
tragedy will forever be manufactured
here in The Twilight Zone.