The Tommyknockers (1993): Season 1, Episode 1 - Part 1 - full transcript

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
TRIMARK HOME VIDEO

Children:
♪♪ LATE LAST NIGHT ♪♪

♪♪ AND THE NIGHT BEFORE ♪♪

♪♪ TOMMYKNOCKERS, TOMMYKNOCKERS
KNOCKING AT THE DOOR ♪♪

♪♪ I WANT TO GO OUT ♪♪

♪♪ I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN ♪

♪♪ 'CAUSE I'M SO AFRAID
OF THE TOMMYKNOCKER MAN ♪♪

BOBBI!

♪♪ AND THE NIGHT BEFORE ♪♪

♪♪ TOMMYKNOCKERS, TOMMYKNOCKERS
KNOCKING AT THE DOOR ♪♪

♪♪ I WANT TO GO OUT,
I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN ♪♪



♪♪ 'CAUSE I'M SO AFRAID
OF THE TOMMYKNOCKER MAN ♪♪

HILLY, STOP IT!

♪♪ I WANT TO GO OUT,
I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN ♪♪

♪♪ 'CAUSE I'M SO AFRAID
OF THE TOMMYKNOCKER MAN ♪♪

MOM, MAKE HIM STOP!

FRAIDY CAT!

AM NOT!

STOP TORTURING HIM.
GET READY FOR SCHOOL.

MOM!

HILLY, DON'T ARGUE
WITH YOUR MOM.

COME STRAIGHT HOME
AFTER SCHOOL FOR CHORES.

GRAMPS SAYS
YOU'RE ONLY A KID ONCE.

GRAMPS DOESN'T PAY
THE BILLS AROUND HERE.

AS LONG AS I DO,
YOU'LL DO WHAT I SAY.



YES, SIR.
OOPS!

DAMN IT, HILLY!

SORRY.

WAIT UP, HILL.

AND DON'T SLAM THE--

[DOOR SLAMS]

[CRASH]

HILLY WITHOUT ACCIDENTS

IS LIKE McDONALDS
WITHOUT HAMBURGERS.

YOU WERE
A LITTLE HARD ON HIM.

WELL, SOMEBODY'S
GOT TO BE TOUGH ON HIM.

YOUR DAD
SPOILS HIM ROTTEN.

WELL, THOSE BOYS
ARE HIS WHOLE LIFE.

"30 NEW TRICKS.

"HOURS OF FUN
FOR THE YOUNG...

PRESTIDIGITATOR?"

THAT'S MAGICIAN
IN PLAIN ENGLISH.

IS IT OK?

IT'S COOL.

EXCEPT...

EXCEPT FOR WHAT?

DAD SAYS THERE'S
NO SUCH THING AS MAGIC.

DADS FORGET THINGS
BEING DADS.

THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS
TO GROWNUPS.

BUT YOU'RE A GROWNUP.

NO, I'M AN OLD MAN.

KIDS AND OLD PEOPLE,
WE KNOW THAT MAGIC'S REAL,

NO MATTER WHAT
ANYBODY SAYS.

THERE IS EVEN
A PLACE THAT'S MAGIC.

A PLACE?

YES, OUT BY
THE ANDERSON FARM.

IN MY DAY, WE CALLED IT
BIG INJUN WOODS,

BUT IT'S CALLED
BURNING WOODS NOW.

NO MATTER WHAT IT'S CALLED,
THERE'S MAGIC THERE.

THE INJUNS BELIEVED IT,
AND SO DO I.

YOU MEAN
THEY'RE HAUNTED?

YEAH. MAGIC SPIRITS.

YOU HAVE TO KEEP
YOUR WITS ABOUT YOU

WHEN YOU GO THERE,

AND, HILLY, NEVER,
NEVER GO THERE ALONE.

OK, DAVEY, LET'S USE
YOUR THUMB, SHALL WE?

THERE YOU GO. RIGHT THERE.

GOOD. PERFECT.

YOU SEE?

THAT'S HOW WE
FINGERPRINT OUR SUSPECTS.

SEE THAT, EVERYBODY?

OVER HERE--

COME ON OVER HERE.

THIS--THIS IS WHERE
WE HAVE OUR CELLS.

WE PUT ALL THE PEOPLE
WHO BREAK THE LAW IN HERE.

DOWN HERE,

THIS IS
THE DISPATCHER'S STATION,

WHERE MRS. PAULSON ANSWERS
ALL THE IMPORTANT POLICE CALLS.

DON'T YOU, MRS. PAULSON?

[DING DING]

YES, I DO.

OK.
COME ON IN HERE.

LET'S GO SEE
THE SCHOOLROOM.

THIS IS THE BEST PART.
COME ON.

YOU SEE, WHEN I WAS
A LITTLE GIRL,

MY PARENTS
USED TO TRAVEL A LOT.

EVERY TIME THEY WENT
TO A NEW COUNTRY,

THEY BROUGHT ME
ANOTHER DOLL,

SO I HAVE DOLLS
FROM AFRICA, EAST ASIA,

AND FROM ALL OVER
THE WORLD.

ARE DOLLIES
YOUR HOBBY?

OH, YES, THEY ARE
MY HOBBY.

MY FRIENDS
KNOW THAT I LIKE THEM

SO WHENEVER THEY TRAVEL,
THEY BRING ME ONE.

NO, WE DON'T WANT
TO BREAK ANYTHING.

THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
JOJO'S NEVER BEEN BROKEN.

GO AHEAD.
PULL THAT.

Doll: MY NAME IS JOJO.
WHAT'S YOURS?

GRRR!

THEY'RE BAD!
I'M SCARED!

DAVEY, IT'S OK,
SWEETHEART.

COME ON, CHILDREN.

TELL YOU WHAT.

WHY DON'T YOU COME BACK
SOME OTHER TIME,

AND WE'LL
SEE THEM TOGETHER?

ALL ALONE.
JUST YOU AND ME.

ALL RIGHT?
BYE, DAVEY.

BYE.

NOW, ONE OF YOU
SCARED THAT LITTLE BOY.

COME ON.

WHICH ONE OF YOU
SCARED THAT LITTLE BOY?

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

[RING]

[RING]

YEAH, HAVEN POST OFFICE.
JOE PAULSON.

HI, JOE. IT'S ME.

HI, HON.

BE RIGHT HOME
AT 6:00.

I'M MAKING THAT CHICKEN
KIEV RUSSKIES EAT.

SQUIRTS BUTTER WHEN YOU
STICK YOUR FORK IN IT.

HONEY, I HAVE
TO WORK LATE TONIGHT.

OH, JOE, COME ON!
NOT AGAIN.

YOU KNOW THAT NEW
POSTMISTRESS

IS A REAL TYRANT.

OH, YEAH, HONEY.

SHE'S MUCH HARDER ON ME
THAN OLD CHARLIE ESTABROOKE.

YOU TELL HER FOR ME

THAT BECKA PAULSON LIKES
HER HUSBAND HOME FOR DINNER.

HONEY, I WILL.
I GOT TO GO NOW.

Becka: BYE.

THAT WOMAN'S GOING
TO BE THE DEATH OF HIM.

HMM!

ARE YOU READY?

AM I READY?
IS THAT YOUR QUESTION?

IT'S LIKE
THE SIGN SAYS--

NEITHER SNOW
NOR RAIN NOR...

SLEET...

NOR GLOOM
OF NIGHT...

CAN STAY
THESE COURIERS...

FROM THE SWIFT
COMPLETION...

AW, JEEZ!

Both: OF THEIR
APPOINTED ROUNDS.

TO BE BURIED
IN BUFFALO SKINS...

[TYPEWRITER CARRIAGE
RETURNS]

RATHER THAN
IN COTTON CLOTHES.

UGH!

[WHINES]

WHAT ARE YOU
LOOKING AT?

[ARF]

WANT TO GET OUT OF HERE?

OK. LET'S GO. COME ON.

[ARF]

COME ON.

OH, ALL RIGHT.
ONE MORE TIME.

READY?

READY?

GO GET IT.

GO GET IT.

[WHINING]

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

YOU CAN'T SEE
WHERE IT WENT?

WHERE DID IT GO?

[ARF ARF]

OH.

OH, WOW!

I'M OK. I'M OK.

WHAT, WHAT, WHAT?

WHAT?
WHAT'S THE MATTER?

WHAT'S THE MATTER
WITH YOU?

WHAT?
IT'S JUST A CAN.

HERE IT IS.

OW!

WOW.

WEIRD.

UH...

[HOWLING]

[GRRR]

WHAT'S THE MATTER
WITH YOU, HUH?

[ARF ARF]

[HOWLING]

OK, OK.
WE'LL GO HOME.

COME ON.

COME ON.

I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET

A NEW FRIEND OF OURS
FROM MAINE--JAMES GARDENER.

HI, I'M JIM,
AND I'M AN ALCOHOLIC.

All: HI, JIM.

I HAVEN'T HAD A DRINK
IN ABOUT A YEAR NOW,

NOT THAT I DON'T
WANT ONE ALL THE TIME.

THE HELL I DON'T.

THE THING
WITH ME AND BOOZE IS

I HAVE A BAD
CONTAINMENT SYSTEM.

THERE'S THIS TECHNICIAN
IN HERE

THAT SHOULD'VE BEEN FIRED
LONG AGO.

AND WHEN I DRINK,
I, UH...

I TURN INTO THIS STRANGER

WHO DOES THE STUPIDEST,
CRAZY THINGS.

MONSTER.

AND MY FRIEND BOBBI,

SHE ALWAYS SAYS
"KNOWING IS ONE THING,

"BUT DOING SOMETHING
ABOUT IT IS, UH...

IS ANOTHER."

WELL, ANYWAY,
THE PROBLEM IS

I'VE GOT THIS POEM
I HAVE TO READ IN PUBLIC.

IT'S PROBABLY
THE LAST CHANCE I'LL HAVE

TO SEE IF I CAN HACK IT
ON THE CIRCUIT AS A POET.

OR JUST HANG UP MY JOCK.

AND, UH...

I'M SCARED TO DEATH

I'M GOING TO NEED
A DRINK TO DO IT.

I'M SCARED TO DEATH.

I APPRECIATE
YOU BRINGING THIS, BUTCH,

BUT YOU COULD'VE CALLED
IT IN OR FAXED IT TO ME.

ALL PART OF
THE SERVICE, RUTHIE.

THANK YOU.

WELL--
UM...

ANY PLANS ON COMING
UP TO DERRY SOON?

NO, NOT IN
THE NEAR FUTURE. WHY?

NO REASON.

JUST WONDERING.

YEAH.

LADIES.

BYE, BUTCH.

GOOD-BYE.

WHAT?

I THINK
HE'S SWEET ON YOU.

DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.

I'LL BE BACK IN AN HOUR.
ANYTHING NEW?

QUIET ON THIS FRONT,
CAPTAIN.

WHEN ARE YOU GONNA ASK
THAT MERRILL WOMAN OUT?

HAVEN'T YOU GOT
SOMETHING BETTER TO DO

THAN WORRY ABOUT
MY PRIVATE LIFE?

LIKE CHECKING
ALL THE DINERS

IN NORTHERN MAINE
FOR HEALTH VIOLATIONS?

BARK ALL YOU WANT.

BECAUSE SHE WAS
YOUR PARTNER'S WIFE

AND A DAMN FINE
CONSTABLE BESIDES,

IS NO REASON NOT
TO SPEAK YOUR HEART.

LET IT BE, FELLAS.

BEN'S RIGHT.
TIME'S GOING BY.

NEITHER OF YOU
IS GETTING YOUNGER.

BECKA.

HMM?

GET AWAY
FROM THAT WINDOW

AND GO BACK TO WORK,
PLEASE.

ALL RIGHT.

[THUNDER]

HILLY?

GO TO SLEEP, KIDDO.

WHAT ABOUT YOU?

I'M READING
ABOUT HARRY HOUDINI.

WHO'S THAT?

THE GREATEST MAGICIAN
IN HISTORY.

I'M GONNA BE
JUST LIKE HIM SOMEDAY.

GO TO SLEEP, KID.

THAT HOT WATER HEATER
IS REALLY SHOT.

I THOUGHT I'D GET A NEW ONE
WHILE YOU'RE GONE.

SEE IF YOU CAN
KEEP IT GOING.

I'LL BUY A NEW ONE
WHEN I GET BACK.

OK. PETE AND I FOUND
A GREAT CACHE OF FIREWOOD.

MM-HMM.

HAVEN'T STARTED
THE NOVEL, HUH?

JUST BECAUSE
I'M A LITTLE BLOCKED,

THAT'S NO REASON
TO RUB IT IN.

SO THAT SEXY
YOUNG SCHOOL MARM

AND THE GRUFF
BUFFALO HUNTER,

THEY HAVEN'T
GOTTEN TOGETHER YET?

I HATE YOU.

YOU OK?

HEY,
NEVER BETTER, BOBBI.

NEVER BETTER.

[THUNDER]

[WHINING]

[ARF]

[ARF ARF]

[HOWLING]

IT'S JUST A STORM, BUDDY.

IT'S JUST A STORM.
GO BACK TO SLEEP.

MM-MM.
HERE'S SOME NICE MUSH

FOR THOSE OLD TEETH.

SO, IT'S NOT MY
IMAGINATION, RIGHT?

HIS RIGHT EYE VISION
DOES SEEM TO BE RETURNING.

LET'S TAKE
A CLOSER LOOK.

[SNARLS]

HEY.

HEY!

SORRY,
HE'S NOT LIKE THIS.

PETER!

DR. ETHERIDGE,
COME QUICK.

I'M AFRAID YOU'LL
HAVE TO EXCUSE ME.

HEY, HEY, HEY.

WHAT'S--HEY!

HEY.

[ARF ARF]

[ARF ARF]

HEY!

LADY, WHY DON'T YOU GET
YOUR DOG OUT OF HERE?

LET'S GO.

OUR LAST POET
IS NO STRANGER

TO THOSE WHO REMEMBER
RAGING ANGEL,

THE BOOK CRITICS CLAIMED
GAVE AUTHORITATIVE VOICE

TO THE ANGST
OF THE LAST DECADE.

I TRUST HE'LL PROVIDE US
WITH A MEMORABLE FINISH,

READING US
HIS LATEST WORK.

FRIENDS
OF NEW POETRY,

I GIVE YOU
JAMES ERIC GARDENER.

[APPLAUSE]

Gardener.

[TAPPING]

GOOD EVENING.

I WAS, UH...

GOING TO TRY TO LIVE UP
TO MY REPUTATION

AND READ SOMETHING
NEW AND ANGRY TONIGHT,

BUT INSTEAD, I THINK I'LL BE
A LITTLE UNPREDICTABLE

AND READ SOMETHING
FROM MY FIRST BOOK.

IT'S A LOVE POEM
CALLED ONE MORE MILE.

IT'S FOR BOBBI ANDERSON.

"ONLY FOR YOU."

"I WAS RAISED TO BELIEVE
GOD WAS LOVE,

"BUT HOW LOVING
CAN GOD BE

"WHEN HE MAKES
MEN AND WOMEN

"SMART ENOUGH
TO LAND ON THE MOON

"BUT STUPID ENOUGH
TO HAVE TO LEARN

"THAT THERE IS
NO SUCH THING AS FOREVER,

"ONLY TO HAVE TO LEARN IT
OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

"ONE MORE MILE.

"JUST ONE MORE MILE.

"THEN ONE DAY I DREAMED

"I FOUND YOU...

"ILLUSION MADE SUBSTANCE,

"IN A DREAM REALER
THAN ANY MIRAGE

"YOUR EYES LOOKED UP
AT ME AND SAW

"THE ME I WISH I WAS.

"AND AFTER ALL THESE DOUBTS
AND ALL THESE FEARS,

"AFTER ALL THESE QUESTIONS
WITHOUT ANSWERS

"AND DREAMS
WITHOUT SUBSTANCE,

I JOURNEYED HOME."

"ONE MORE MILE.

JUST ONE LAST MILE."

"AND THERE YOU WERE."

THANK YOU. THANK YOU.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

ARE YOU RINGING
THE RIGHT ROOM?

HE'S WITH THE NEW ENGLAND
POETRY CARAVAN.

I HAVE BEEN RINGING,
MA'AM.

WOULD YOU LIKE
TO LEAVE A MESSAGE?

JUST TELL HIM--
NEVER MIND.

NO, THANKS.
I'LL JUST TRY LATER.

WELL, HE'D SEE IT
ALL RIGHT.

HE'D SAY, "BOBBI,
CATARACTS DON'T RECEDE."

"YOU'VE GOT TO FIND OUT
WHERE'S HE'S BEEN

AND WHAT HE'S
GOTTEN INTO."

WELL, BUDDY,
I KNOW WHERE YOU'VE BEEN.

I'M GOING TO TAKE
A BETTER LOOK.

[WHINES]

[ARF ARF]

HERE. COME HERE.

OK. LISTEN.

I DON'T WANT YOU
GOING WITH ME,

'CAUSE I DON'T WANT YOU
FREAKING OUT.

GO BACK TO THE HOUSE.
GO ON.

GOOD BOY.

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU?

MY FOLKS WILL KILL ME

IF THEY FIND OUT
WE WERE HERE.

WHO'S GOING TO TELL THEM?

GRAMPS SAYS THIS IS WHERE
THE MICKMACK INDIANS

USED TO PRAY TO THEIR GODS.

GIVE ME A BREAK!

REALLY.

THEY BELIEVED THIS
WAS A PLACE OF MAGIC,

IN-BETWEEN THE SPIRIT
WORLD AND THE REAL.

UGH!

GROSS!

WHOA. WHAT DO YOU
THINK KILLED IT?

PROBABLY ATE
SOME POISONED BAIT.

YEAH, OR MAYBE IT WAS
A SACRIFICE TO THE GODS.

YEAH.

SHH!

[HUMMING SOUND]

WHAT?

DON'T YOU HEAR IT?

GRAMPS WAS RIGHT.

HILLY.

RUN, BARNEY!

WHAT ARE YOU KIDS
DOING HERE?

SHOULDN'T BE ALONE
IN THE WOODS.

LET'S GO CALL YOUR DAD.
HE'LL COME PICK YOU UP.

DRINK, SIR?

UH...

TONIC WATER,
PLEASE.

I THOUGHT YOUR POEM

WAS WONDERFUL TONIGHT,
MR. GARDENER.

THANKS VERY MUCH, SON.

HEY, MY FRIENDS
CALL ME JIM.

THANKS.

EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT,
GARDENER?

PATRICIA, I DIDN'T
KNOW YOU CARED.

TONIC WATER.

I'M DUBIOUS.

YES, YOU ALWAYS
HAVE BEEN,

BUT YOU'RE REALLY
TICKED OFF.

I GOT THE BIGGEST HAND
OF THE DAY.

I PAY YOU TO READ
NEW POETRY, NOT OLD STUFF.

WHEN'S THE LAST POEM YOU
WROTE THAT GOT PUBLISHED

OR THAT WAS ANY GOOD?

YOU MAY FOOL THEM,
BUT YOU DON'T FOOL ME.

YOU'RE NOTHING
BUT A DRUNK, GARDENER.

ALWAYS WERE,
ALWAYS WILL BE.

WHY DON'T WE ADD
SOME VODKA TO THAT?

WHATEVER YOU SAY,
MR. GARDENER.

I SAY,
ON SECOND THOUGHT...

HOLD THE TONIC.

HI, PEARL.
HOW ARE YOU?

HI, SHERIFF.

WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?

JUST MY USUAL
WASH AND FLUFF.

DON'T LISTEN TO
A WORD SHE SAYS.

YOU GOT TO DOLL
HER ALL UP.

SHE'S GOT
A BIG DATE.

DO YOU MIND?

BIG.

STOP IT.

SHE'S GOING TO THE MOVIES
WITH BUTCH DUGAN.

TELL THE WORLD,
WHY DON'T YOU?

WE'LL ZIP YOU INTO
ONE OF THOSE OUTFITS

LIKE MICHELLE
PFEIFFER WEARS.

JUST MY REGULAR,
PEARL, PLEASE.

CAN YOU SHOW HER

SOME OF THAT NEW
POLISH AND LIPSTICK

THAT YOU GOT IN?

YES, YES.
FINAL PASSION.

NO!

NO. THANK YOU
VERY MUCH.

THAT'S WHERE
I DRAW THE LINE, GIRLS.

AW!
AW!

RUTH'S RIGHT.
WE DON'T WANT OUR SHERIFF

PARADING AROUND TOWN
LOOKING LIKE A FLOOZY.

Besides, I just sold the last
set to our postmistress.

GOOD. I'M GLAD
TO HEAR THAT.

LADIES.

HI, NANCY.
HI, NANCY.

WELL, THEN...

BYE-BYE, EVERYONE.

BYE, NANCY.

THAT WAS CLOSE.

YEAH, YEAH.

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

BOBBI ANDERSON'S
WOODS.

Marie: NOT BURNING WOODS?

AFTER ALL THAT
WE'VE TOLD YOU

ABOUT NOT
GOING IN THERE?

YOU WERE RIGHT, GRAMPS.
THE WOODS ARE MAGIC.

UPSTAIRS, YOUNG MAN.

BAD MAGIC.

NOT ANOTHER WORD.

WELL, EV HILLMAN,

THIS LOOKS
LIKE YOUR FAULT.

THE BOY'S ALWAYS
JUMPING AROUND.

I WAS THE SAME.

IF YOU'RE GONNA LIVE
UNDER MY ROOF,

WOULD YOU PLEASE
LIVE BY MY RULES?

EV.

I'M SORRY.

[SIGHS]

ARE YOU OK?

I GOT A HELL
OF A HEADACHE.

I THINK SOMETHING
BIT ME OUT THERE

WHEN I WAS
PICKING UP HILLY.

THAT SUMMER FLU'S
GOING AROUND.

I'LL CALL DOC WARD.

NO. HE'LL JUST TELL ME
TO DRINK LOTS OF WATER

AND GET PLENTY OF REST.

PSST. WHAT'S
HIS NAME AGAIN?

NO, NO, NO, NO.
DON'T TELL ME.

IT'S THAT SOUND YOU
MAKE WHEN YOU GARGLE.

ARGLEBARGLE.

THAT'S IT, ISN'T IT?

ARGLEBARGLE.

WELL, ARBERG, ACTUALLY.

NO. ARGLEBARGLE
SOUNDS SO MUCH BETTER,

DON'T YOU THINK?

MR. ARGLEBARGLE,
HELLO.

MAYBE YOU'D BETTER
CALL IT A NIGHT.

YES. MAYBE
YOU'RE RIGHT.

MAYBE I SHOULD
JUST GO HOME,

GET A GOOD
NIGHT'S SLEEP,

AND LIVE TO WRITE
ANOTHER DAY.

TO FIGHT...
ANOTHER DAY.

THE AMERICAN PEOPLE
HAVE FINALLY GOT

THIS CHERNOBYL BUSINESS
INTO PERSPECTIVE

SO WE CAN GO AHEAD
WITH THE NEW PLANT.

26 DEAD. IT'S HORRIBLE,

BUT LAST MONTH A PLANE
CRASH KILLED 195,

AND YOU DON'T
SEE THE GOVERNMENT

SHUTTING DOWN
ALL THE AIRLINES.

AT CHERNOBYL,
THEY KILLED KIDS.

DID YOU KNOW THAT?

LITTLE 9-YEAR-OLDS,

THE ONES IN UTERO.

ISN'T THAT RIGHT,
MR., UH...KILOWATT?

I'M GOING TO FIX YOU.

OH, PATRICIA. REALLY?

I'VE BEEN WAITING TO BE
FIXED BY YOU FOR YEARS.

SHALL WE GO UPSTAIRS

OR GIVE EVERYBODY A TREAT
AND DO IT RIGHT HERE?

I'LL SEE TO IT THAT
YOU NEVER WORK AGAIN,

YOU DRUNKEN,
CONTENTIOUS,

WORTHLESS--

CHEERS.

HEY, YOU.

Man: WHAT'S GOING ON?

CARAMBA.

HEY!

YOU STUPID ASS.

ANDALE. ANDALE.

STOP THIS!

SOMEBODY HELP ME.

HELP YOU?
HELP YOU?

IS THAT ALL YOU CAN SAY,
MR. POWER MAN,

MR. KILOWATT?

YOU NUKING S.O.B.

YOU GOT TO BUG
OUT OF HERE.

THE LADY'S
CALLED THE COPS.

I SHOULDN'T
HAVE DONE THAT.

HIT HIM?

OPEN THE UMBRELLA
IN THE HOUSE.

IT'S BAD LUCK.

GOOD-BYE,
MY FRIEND.

GOOD-BYE, SIR.

GOOD-BYE.

IF YOU REMEMBER NOTHING
ELSE IN THIS WORLD,

REMEMBER THIS...

GOD HATES A COWARD.

AAH!

BOBBI.

AAH!

OH, HELL.

WHAT HAVE I...

WHAT DID I DO
THIS TIME, HUH?

BOBBI.

BOBBI!

THANKS FOR THE RIDE.

JACK KIMBALL'S MY NAME.

HI, JACK.

I'M A SALESMAN.

"MR. SUCK IT UP."

SPARE VACUUM-CLEANER
PARTS.

SELLING PEOPLE THE GREAT
AMERICAN DREAM, RIGHT?

SO, WHAT'S YOUR NAME,

AND WHAT'S YOUR GAME,
FRIEND?

JIM GARDENER'S THE NAME.

POETRY IS THE GAME.

I NEVER MET
A POET BEFORE.

SO WHERE,
IF I MIGHT ASK,

ARE YOU HEADED,
MR. POET?

TO A PLACE WHERE WHEN
YOU HAVE TO GO THERE,

THEY HAVE TO
TAKE YOU IN--

HOME.

OH...THAT IS NICE.

NOW, THAT'S VERY NICE.

THERE'S A, UH...
THERMOS OF JAVA

AND A SACK OF DRUNKEN
DOUGHNUTS IN THE BACK

IF YOU'RE HUNGRY.

THANKS.

HEY.

LET'S SEE IF I CAN GET
SOME TRAVELING MUSIC.

[STATIC]

OH, DAMN.

[ECHOING]

WHAT THE HELL
WAS THAT?

OH, THAT WAS ME.

YOU SEE THIS?

YEAH. YOU GET THAT
IN A FIGHT?

YEAH...WITH A GIANT PINE.

WOW. HOW DID IT HAPPEN?

I WAS TRYING TO IMPRESS
THIS PRETTY YOUNG THING

ON THE SLOPES
WHEN I WAS ABOUT 17.

WHEN I WOKE UP,

THEY'D FILLED MY HEAD
WITH THIS STEEL PLATE.

TOLD ME I'D GET HEADACHES
FROM TIME TO TIME.

HEADACHES? YOU'RE
LUCKY TO BE ALIVE.

THAT'S WHAT THEY SAID.

WHAT THEY DIDN'T SAY
WAS THAT NOW AND THEN

I'D PICK UP A MICROWAVE DISH
OR RADIO TRANSMISSION.

MAN, THAT IS
REALLY SOMETHING.

YOU'RE THE FIRST GUY
I EVER MET

WHO COULD DO
A TRICK LIKE THAT.

SOME TRICK.

HILLY!

HILLY, WAKE UP.

THERE'S A MONSTER
IN MY CLOSET.

SOME MONSTER, SQUIRT.

CAN I SLEEP
IN YOUR BED TONIGHT?

SURE.

BACK WE GO,

ALL WARM
AND SAFE AND TOASTY.

I SAW IT.

IT WAS A TOMMYKNOCKER.

IT'S ONLY
A NURSERY RHYME, DAVEY.

WHEN I WAS LITTLE,

MY FRIENDS USED TO TEASE
ME ABOUT THEM, TOO.

GOOD NIGHT.

THANKS.

NO NUTS.

YOU LOOK REAL NICE.

THANK YOU.
SO DO YOU.

THANKS.

I LIKED THAT MOVIE
TONIGHT.

YEAH. ME, TOO.

CAN I ASK YOU
SOMETHING, RUTHIE?

I'LL ANSWER IF I CAN.

AFTER RALPH DIED,

WHY'D YOU STAY
IN HAVEN?

WELL, TO START WITH,

I DON'T LIKE
CITIES SO MUCH,

AND THEN...
AFTER A WHILE,

THE LAND
CASTS A SPELL,

KIND OF GETS TO YOU.

SO, LET ME ASK YOU
A QUESTION.

NAME IT.

HOW COME YOU
NEVER GOT MARRIED?

ME?

EH. WHAT WOMAN WOULD
MARRY A BIG LUG LIKE ME?

A LOT OF WOMEN.

YEAH. AS A MATTER
OF FA--

COME HERE.

WHAT?

UH...NOTHING.

I WAS THINKING I HAVE
TO GET UP EARLY.

LET'S GO, OK?

SURE.

Becka: JOE!

JOSEPH R. PAULSON,
GET BACK HERE THIS INSTANT!

YOU OUGHT TO BE ASHAMED.
DIDN'T YOU FORGET SOMETHING?

WHAT?
I'M SORRY, HONEY.

YOU OUGHT TO BE.

THE SANDWICHES...

FOR YOU AND THE BOYS

FOR YOUR FISHING TRIP.

REALLY. THIS IS GREAT.

THANKS A LOT, HONEY.

I'LL SEE YOU TONIGHT.

[HUMMING]

[HONKING]

SHE BOUGHT
THE FISHING STORY?

HOOK, LINE,
AND SINKER.

GOOD.

THEN HOP ON IN

AND LET'S SEE
WHAT WE CAN CATCH.

AHH...

HOP ON IN

AND LET'S SEE
WHAT WE CAN CATCH.

THE MAGIC GUILLOTINE.

BEHOLD ITS SHARPNESS.

OBSERVE.

I NEED A VOLUNTEER
FROM THE AUDIENCE.

YOU, BARNEY APPLEGATE.

ME?

I HOPE YOU KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE DOING.

JUST PUT
YOUR FINGER IN HERE.

[SCREAMS]

[APPLAUSE]

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.

NOW I NEED A VOLUNTEER
FOR MY NEXT TRICK.

ME! ME!
ME!

MR. ALLISON.

I DON'T THINK SO.

COME ON, MR. A,
BE A SPORT.

OK, I'LL DO IT.

JUST MAKE IT FAST,
HILLY.

THE BLACK-AND-WHITE
RABBIT TRICK.

FIRST IT'S WHITE.

NOW PLEASE TAKE OFF
THE TOP, SIR.

I'M SORRY, MR. ALLISON.
GIVE ME ANOTHER CHANCE.

I CAN DO THE MULTIPLYING
COIN TRICK.

THANKS FOR THE RIDE.

PETE.

PETE.

HOW YOU DOING?

HOW ARE YOU?

YOU LOOK GOOD.

WHERE'S BOBBI AT?

OK, OK.

WHERE IS SHE?

BOBBI.

BOBBI, BABY.

GOD, I'M SO GLAD
YOU'RE BACK.

HI.

HI.

WAIT TILL
YOU SEE IT.

IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN YOU.

IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN YOU
WHO FOUND IT.

FOUND WHAT?

I THINK THAT
IT WAS FOR YOU.

WHAT WAS?

WELL, YOU'LL
UNDERSTAND BETTER

ONCE YOU SEE IT...

AND YOU FEEL IT.

HEY, HEY. WHAT...

WHAT ARE YOU ON?

EUPHORIA.

A MIRACLE.

AT FIRST,
I THOUGHT IT WAS A CAR,

LIKE THE TIME WE FOUND
THAT HUDSON HORNET.

I COULD HAVE WALKED
PAST THIS THING

40 TIMES A DAY AND
NEVER STUMBLED OVER IT.

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

JUST SLOW DOWN
A LITTLE.

UH, OK.
I'M RAMBLING. I KNOW.

I HAVEN'T SLEPT,

AND I GUESS
I NEED FOOD, TOO,

BUT IT JUST MAKES ME
FEEL DIFFERENT.

I GOT ALL THIS ENERGY.

I'VE GOT IDEAS AND...

AND YOU'RE TELLING ME
THIS THING IN THE GROUND

IS MAKING YOU
FEEL THIS WAY?

IT'S AFFECTED PETE, TOO.
HIS EYE'S BETTER.

THE CATARACT IS--
IS DISAPPEARING.

PLEASE, HONEY.

HUH?

TELL ME WHAT'S
GOING ON HERE?

UH...WELL, NO,
I'LL JUST SHOW YOU.

JUST WAIT TILL
YOU SEE IT, GARD.

YOU ARE NOT GOING
TO BELIEVE IT.

COME ON.

WHOA.

YOU OK?

HERE IT IS.

WHOA.

IT'S THE MOST INCREDIBLE
THING I'VE EVER SEEN.

IT'S REALLY SOMETHING,
ISN'T IT?

WOW.

WHAT THE HELL IS IT?

I DON'T KNOW.

OH, I WANT TO SHOW YOU
SOMETHING ELSE.

WATCH THIS.

TOUCH IT.

WHAT?

TOUCH IT.

COME ON, IT'S NOT
GOING TO BITE YOU.

BOBBI.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

AAH!

GARD.

GARD.

LET GO!

OH, GOD.

GARD.

I'M BLEEDING.

IT'S STOPPED,
I THINK, HUH?

OH, GOD. YOU
SCARED ME TO DEATH.

I'M OK.

WHAT HAPPENED?
WHAT WAS IT?

I TOUCHED THAT THING,

AND IT FELT LIKE MY HEAD
WAS GOING TO EXPLODE.

IT'S LIKE THE DTs.

I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT THING
COULD DO THIS TO YOU.

YEAH, WELL, MAYBE--
MAYBE IT DIDN'T.

I HAVEN'T BEEN TOO GOOD
THE PAST COUPLE DAYS.

NO, I DON'T KNOW.

WELL, I WAS AWAY
OVER THERE,

AND I GOT THIS
REALLY BAD FEELING

THAT YOU WERE
IN TROUBLE.

IS THAT WHY
YOU CAME BACK EARLY?

MY HERO.

SOME HERO.

I FELL OFF
THE WAGON, BOBBI.

WHAT?

YEAH, I WENT
ON A BINGE.

I'M SORRY.

YOU'RE SORRY?
JUST LIKE THAT?

AFTER EVERYTHING WE'VE
BEEN THROUGH AND WORKED FOR?

YOU'RE SORRY?

I DON'T KNOW
WHAT HAPPENED.

I HAD THIS LITTLE
SUCCESS THING.

YOU WEREN'T THERE
TO SHARE IT,

AND I JUST
DIDN'T HAVE THE...

COME ON,
SAY SOMETHING.

YOU GO TO HELL.

HERE, TWEETY.
HERE YOU ARE.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

OK IF I COME IN?

DIDN'T GO SO GOOD
AT SCHOOL TODAY, HUH?

THEY ALL LAUGHED.

SO?

THEY LAUGHED
AT COLUMBUS, TOO.

WHO CARES
WHAT THEY THINK?

I DO.

I PRACTICED SO HARD.

I WANTED IT
TO BE PERFECT.

OF COURSE YOU DO.

YOU JUST GOT
CAT WHISKERS FOR NERVES,

BUT ALL ARTISTS
AND SMART GUYS DO.

THE TRICK IS TO GET
BACK UP ON THE HORSE

AND SHOW HIM
WHO'S BOSS.

YOU MEAN LIKE...
STARTING AGAIN?

YEAH.

THAT'S WHAT MAKES
THE DIFFERENCE

BETWEEN WINNERS
AND LOSERS....

TRYING AGAIN.

COULD YOU JUST LISTEN
TO ME FOR A MINUTE?

I COULDN'T HELP IT.

THAT'S A LIE.

I DIDN'T EVEN TRY.

I JUST DRANK.

I GOT ALL THIS APPLAUE
FOR THIS OLD, OLD P.

LET'S BE REAL HERE.

I HAVEN'T WRITTEN ANYTHING
WORTH CRAP IN YEARS.

YEARS.

I'M A FRAUD, BOBBI.

MAYBE I
ALWAYS HAVE BEEN.

I KNOW I DON'T DESERVE
YOUR FORGIVENESS,

BUT I AM SORRY.

YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WHOSE
LOVE STILL MATTERS TO ME.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'D DO

IF YOU STOPPED
LOVING ME, BOB.

[THUNDER]

DON'T YOU KNOW BY NOW

THAT I'LL
ALWAYS LOVE YOU?

[THUNDER]

UH-HUH.

UH-HUH.

YEAH...

I GET IT.

HILLY.

HILLY, WHO ARE YOU
TALKING TO?

SO I TAKE THOSE THINGS,
AND THEY WORK?

TV: I'M CHAZ STEWART.
WELCOME AGAIN TO HE-DEVI,

WHERE OUR 3 LOVELY LADIES

WILL VIE FOR A NIGHT
OF BREATHTAKING ROMANCE

WITH OUR ONE HUNK
OF A STUD LARRY.

BECKA.

HERE, HERE.

HEY, LOOK.

NO. WATCH OUT.

YOU ALMOST MADE ME
HIT MY CAR.

WHOOPS.

COME ON.

NO, I GOT TO GO.

BECKA IS
EXPECTING ME BACK.

I GOT TO GO.

COME ON,
IT'S OUR TIME TO HOWL.

AWOO!

I GOT TO GO.

I GOT TO GO.

GO ON, THEN.
RUN HOME TO WIFEY.

GO ON!

HEY, NANCY.

GOTCHA!

THERE'S SOMETHING--

THERE'S SOMETHING
IN THE WOODS.

MAYBE IT'S
THE BIG BAD WOLF.

I'M NOT KIDDING.
THERE'S SOMETHING.

IT'S JUST
AN AMINAL, JOEY.

COME ON!

IT'S JUST AN AMINAL.

AMINAL.

LET'S GET OUT
OF HERE!

[ENGINE FALTERS]

LET'S GO!

I'M READY
TO GO HOME NOW, JOE.

BECKA, HONEY, UH...

DO I HAVE ANY CLEAN
SHIRTS THAT ARE IRONED?

WHY DIDN'T YOU
WAKE ME UP

WHEN YOU CAME HOME
LAST NIGHT?

IT WAS VERY LATE
AND--OH, HI.

IT WAS VERY LATE,
AND YOU WERE SLEEPING,

AND I DIDN'T WANT
TO WAKE YOU UP.

YOU SHOULD HAVE CALLED.
I WAS WORRIED.

I'M IN THE WOODS.

HOW AM I GOING
TO PHONE YOU?

I COOKED YOUR FAVORITE
MEAL LAST NIGHT.

I'M SORRY.

AND I GOT THAT NIGHTGOWN

THAT YOU REALLY LIKE
A LOT, AND I...

I'M SORRY.

WHERE ARE THE FISH?

WHAT FISH?

YOU KNOW, THE FISH.

I'M A LOUSY FISHERMAN.

DO I HAVE
ANY IRONED SHIRTS?

YOU WERE SUPPOSED
TO DO THEM YESTERDAY.

I PUT THEM
IN THE DRAWER.

THEY'RE NOT
IN THE DRAWER, OK?

ALL I ASK IS ONE SHIRT
THAT'S IRONED.

GRAMPS?

GRAMPS?

WHAT IS IT, KIDDO?
WHAT'S WRONG?

I NEED YOUR HELP.
I NEED SOME BATTERIES.

BATTERIES?

YEAH, AND OTHER STUFF.
I'VE GOT A LIST.

WHAT'S THIS
ALL ABOUT?

I'VE GOT A NEW TRICK

FOR MY BIRTHDAY
PARTY ON SATURDAY.

A NEW ONE, HUH?
IS IT A GOOD TRICK?

NOT GOOD. GREAT.

THE BEST TRICK
ANYONE'S EVER SEEN.

IT'LL MAKE THEM GASP
AND SCREAM AND YELL,

A TRICK THAT THEY'LL
REMEMBER FOREVER.

HA HA HA!

HEY, PETEY.

OH, ABOUT TIME.

YOU BEEN UP LONG?

HOURS.

REALLY?

BREAKFAST'S
ALMOST READY.

COME HERE.

YOU NEED A SHAVE.

YEAH. WELL,
I'D TRADE MY SOUL IN

FOR A LONG HOT SHOWER
IN THE PROCESS.

YOU WOULD?

WELL...
HAND IT OVER, THEN.

YOU DIDN'T CALL
THE PLUMBER, DID YOU?

WE TALKED ABOUT THIS.

I DIDN'T
CALL THE PLUMBER.

I DID IT MYSELF
WHILE YOU WERE GONE.

HEY, PETE, MISS
HOME IMPROVEMENT, HUH?

OH, YE OF LITTLE FAITH.

AAH!

BOBBI!

WHAT?

UHH.

OH, MY GOD. HOW THE...

WHAT'S THE TRICK, BOBBI?

UH, IT--
THERE IS NO TRICK.

MM-HMM.

IT, UH, ALL JUST
KIND OF CAME TO ME.

I HEARD A VOICE

TELLING ME I
COULD DO SOMETHING

ABOUT
THE HOT WATER HEATER.

THE NEXT THING I KNEW,
IT WAS DONE.

WAIT. YOU--LET ME
GET THIS STRAIGHT.

YOU'RE TELLING ME
THAT THING OUT THERE

IS TALKING TO YOU?

MM-HMM. YEAH.

AS I UNCOVER IT,

IT'S SENDING OUT
SOME KIND OF TRANSMISSION.

THEY'VE TURNED YOU
INTO EINSTEIN, HUH?

WELL, NO,
NOT EINSTEIN EXACTLY,

'CAUSE EINSTEIN KNEW THINGS.
I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING.

I JUST--I MEAN,
I HAVE NO IDEA

HOW I GOT THE HOT WATER
HEATER TO WORK.

I JUST KNEW
AS I WAS DOING IT

EVERYTHING SEEMED
CLEAR AS A BELL.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT
THAT THING IS.

I JUST KNOW THAT WE
HAVE TO DIG IT UP.

THERE'S SOMETHING
MIRACULOUS ABOUT IT.

LET'S EXPERIENCE IT
TOGETHER.

I REALLY OUGHT
TO PATENT IT.

HEY, WHAT--
WHAT IS THIS?

MY INVENTION.

WHAT DOES IT DO?

IT SORTS
THE FIRST-CLASS MAIL.

NO.

WATCH THIS.

COME ON. ARE YOU--

LOOK AT THIS
LITTLE FLAG. I LOVE--

YOU'VE GOT
TO BE KIDDING.

RFD1, DAIRY ROAD.

HOW DID YOU
THINK OF THIS?

IT JUST CAME TO ME.
SMART, HUH?

FOR A WOMAN,
IT'S NOT BAD AT ALL.

YOU WEREN'T
COMPLAINING LAST NIGHT.

WE WERE GOING AT EACH
OTHER LIKE BUNNIES.

THE SKY LIT UP
LIKE NEW YEAR'S EVE.

NO, I WASN'T
COMPLAINING AT ALL.

JOE, WHAT
WAS THAT THING?

OH, WHO THE HELL KNOWS?
WE WERE BOTH CROCKED.

WE SURE WERE,
WEREN'T WE?

WANT TO DO IT AGAIN?

DO I?

DO YOU?

YEAH. OH, BOY,
HOWDY, DO I!

OH!

MMWAAH!

GRRR--UHH!

HERE. THIS, TOO.

WHAT ARE YOU DIGGING UP
ON THAT FARM OF YOURS?

JUST SOME STUMPS
IN THE BACK

THAT NEED CLEARING.

IF YOU DIG UP
ANY BURIED TREASURE,

SAVE SOME FOR ME.

I'D LIKE BEING
A LADY OF LEISURE.

HEY, THERE, YOU TWO.
TOP OF THE DAY.

HILLY NEEDS
MORE BATTERIES.

BETTER TRY THE MALL
UP AT AUGUSTA.

I'M CLEANED OUT.
BEEN A RUN ON THEM.

SEEMS LIKE EVERYBODY
WANTS THEM.

NOW, BEFORE WE HEAR
FROM OUR HE-DEVIL,

WHO IS STANDING BY,

TELL OUR VIEWERS,
EACH ONE OF YOU,

WHAT IT IS THAT
YOU LIKE IN A MAN?

START HERE WITH WENDY.

WHAT DO YOU
LIKE IN A MAN?

Wendy: WHEN THEY
MADE CHAZ STEWART,

THEY BROKE THE MOLD.

WHAT ARE YOU
DOING TONIGHT?

Chaz:
I'M BUSY. WELL, ANYWAY...

HOW WOULD OUR HE-DEVIL
ANSWER THIS QUESTION--

"SEX IS GOOD,
BUT BLANK IS BETTER"?

JOE?

FISHING.
FISHING IS BETTER.

DO YOU STILL
LOVE ME, JOE?

WHAT IS THIS?
DO I STILL WHAT?

WHAT KIND OF A DIM BULB
QUESTION IS THAT?

IT'S JUST LATELY YOU
DON'T SEEM TO SHOW IT.

I DON'T BELIEVE YOU.
I REALLY DON'T.

TELL ME THE TRUTH, JOE.

NO. YOU'RE CRAZY.
YOU'RE CRA--

I'M SORRY, HON.
NO, I'M NOT. JEEZ!

WHY ARE YOU
SO MEAN TO ME?

WHAT CHANGED YOU
LIKE THIS?

NOTHING. I'M THE SAME
AS I ALWAYS WAS.

WHERE'S MY KEYS?

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

HOW DARE YOU ASK ME
THAT QUESTION.

I'M GOING OUT NOW

AND COMING BACK
WHEN I WANT TO.

BUT, JOE--

GOT IT?

DO YOU GOT IT?

BUT, JOE!

BUT! BUT, BUT, BUT.

I NEVER WANT
TO HEAR THAT WORD AGAIN.

"BUT" IS WHAT A GOAT
HAS FOR BRAINS.

IT'S FOR
SMALL-MINDED PEOPLE

IN THIS
SMALL-MINDED TOWN.

BYE.

AND "BUT" IS WHAT YOU SAY

WHEN YOU WANT TO GET AWAY
FROM YOUR STUPID WIFE.

Chaz: BOY, HE MUST THINK
YOU WERE BORN YESTERDAY,

BORN YESTERDAY
TO BELIEVE SUCH BULL.

LISTEN, BECKA.

JOE--HE'S BEEN
CHEATING ON YOU.

IT MUST BE HEAT STROKE.

I BETTER CALL
THE INFIRMARY.

Chaz: CALM DOWN, BECKA.
CHILL OUT.

LET'S NOT
HAVE A HEART ATTACK.

OK, CHAZ.

LISTEN, ONE THING YOU
GOT TO GET STRAIGHT,

YOU ARE
NOT GOING CRAZY.

TVs DON'T TALK.

IT APPEARS
THAT THIS ONE DOES.

BESIDES, WE GOT
A LOT TO TALK ABOUT,

ABOUT JOE, FOR ONE THING,
AND HIS INFIDELITIES.

HE'S HAVING AN AFFAIR.

HE'S BEEN PUTTING IT
TO THAT HUSSY

DOWN AT THE POST OFFICE
EVERY LUNCH HOUR

AND AROUND
QUITTING TIME, TOO.

WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?

Chaz:
WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?

LET'S ASK OUR CONTESTANTS.
OK, LADIES...

I WANT YOU TO PUT YOURSELF
IN BECKA'S SHOES.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

KILL HIM.

KILL HIM.

KILL HIM.

HA HA HA!

WELL, THERE
YOU HAVE IT, BECKA.

IT'S UNANIMOUS.

KILL HIM.

UHH!

ISN'T
THIS ASTOUNDING?

UHH!

I WONDER HOW
BIG IT IS?

I WONDER WHAT IT IS?

MAYBE IT'S
AN ANCIENT TEMPLE

FROM ANOTHER
CIVILIZATION.

OR A PIECE OF
A MAYAN TREASURE--

HEY, MAYBE
IT'S ATLANTIS.

IF PETE'S ANY INDICATION,

IT COULD BE THE FOUNTAIN
OF YOUTH.

DO YOU THINK WE SHOULD
TELL SOMEBODY ABOUT THIS?

SOMEBODY?

WHO?

I DON'T KNOW.

MAYBE WE
SHOULD JUST TELL...

MAYBE WE SHOULD
TELL THE AUTHORITIES.

OH, NO...

NO.

ALL RIGHT.
RUTH MERRILL, THEN.

WELL, WHY? 'CAUSE
SHE'S MY FRIEND?

SHE'S A COP, GARD.
SHE'D GO TO THE FEDS.

WOULD THAT BE SO BAD?

HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT,

YOU THAT THINKS
THAT OUR GOVERNMENT

WON'T BE
COMPLETELY SATISFIED

UNTIL WE ALL GLOW
IN THE DARK?

I FIND THIS
AMAZING THING,

AND YOU WANT ME TO TUN
IT OVER TO THEM?

GARD, THEY
WILL COME HERE

WITH TRUCKS FILLED
WITH BARBED WIRE

AND MEN WITH GUNS.

THEY'LL GAG US, GARD,

AND YOU KNOW
THAT THEY WOULD DO IT.

YOU REALLY DO HOLD FORT.
YOU KNOW THAT, DON'T YOU?

I LEARNED FROM A MASTER.

OK.

OK.

OK. SO, UNTIL WE
KNOW WHAT THIS IS,

WE JUST KEEP IT
BETWEEN US, ALL RIGHT?

NOT A WORD
TO ANYONE.

[DING]

AFTERNOON, BOBBI.
WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?

YEAH. I'VE GOT A PIECE
OF REGISTERED MAIL.

JOE, YOU GOT THAT PACKAGE
FOR ANDERSON BACK THERE?

OH, GOD. HE'S SO HOT
I CAN'T STAND IT.

EXCUSE ME?

I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING.

[DOOR CLOSES]

HEY...

THERE YOU GO, BOBBI.

HI, JOE. THANKS.

OH, JEEZ.
LOOK AT HIS HAIR.

I HAVEN'T BEEN THIS HORNY
SINCE I WAS 16.

THE LAST THING I NEED

IS HIS WIFE KNOWING
WHAT WE'RE UP TO.

IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE?

GIVE MY REGARDS TO BECKA.

I'M TELLING YOU.
I COULD READ THEIR MINDS.

SENSE THEY WERE HAVING
AN AFFAIR, MAYBE,

BUT COME ON,
READ THEIR MINDS?

YEAH.

WELL, YOU'RE
VERY INTUITIVE,

ALWAYS KNOW
WHAT I'LL SAY NEXT.

WELL, YOU'RE
PROBABLY RIGHT.

I KNOW I'M RIGHT.

I KNOW I'M TIRED,

AND I THINK WE
SHOULD GO TO BED.

UH, NO.
I'M NOT REALLY TIRED.

I JUST WANT
TO WRITE A LITTLE BIT.

I HOPE YOU HAVE
BETTER LUCK THAN I DO.

DON'T STAY UP TOO LATE.

WHAT YOU DOING, HILL?

OUT. I'VE GOT TO
GET READY FOR THE SHOW.

BUT, HILLY...

THE MEDICI PRINCES USED
TO HAVE PEOPLE EXECUTED

IF THEY WERE CAUGHT LOOKING
AT TRICKS AHEAD OF TIME. OUT.

YAY!

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

MY NAMESAKE HAS A SURPRISE
FOR ALL OF YOU,

A MAGICAL TREAT
OF HIS OWN--

I REPEAT--
OF HIS OWN DEVISING.

I GIVE YOU...

HILLMAN THE MAGNIFICENT.

THANK YOU.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
FOR MY FIRST TRICK,

I WANT YOU TO WATCH CLOSELY

AS THE MYSTERIES
OF THE ORIENT TAKE HOLD.

[CAMERA CLICKS]

PRESTO CHANGO...
THE DISAPPEARING TOMATO.

[AIR GUSHES]

TA-DA!

YAY! YAY!

PRESTO CHANGO...

RETURN!

[AIR GUSHES]

HOW DOES
HE DO THAT?

THAT'S MY RADIO.

NOW, FOR
THE DISAPPEARING RADIO.

PRESTO.

[AIR GUSHES]

COOL!

OH!

PRESTO CHANGO...

RETURN.

[AIR GUSHES]

IT'S TIME
FOR THE GRAND FINALE--

THE DISAPPEARING...HUMAN.

NOW, I NEED AN ASSISTANT.

BARNEY APPLEGATE?

NO WAY, MAN.
FORGET IT.

COME HERE, DAVEY.

I DON'T WANT TO.

DO WHAT I SAY.

IT'S OK, DAVID.
GO AHEAD.

WAY TO GO, DAVEY.

AW.

BYE.

BUT, HILLY,
I'M SCARED.

I'LL GIVE YOU ANYTHING.

ALL YOUR G.I. JOES?

EVERY ONE. JUST
GET UP HERE NOW.

HILLY.

OFF YOU GO,
KNOW THAT YOU CAN,

'CAUSE I
LEARNED THIS TRICK

FROM THE TOMMYKNOCKER
MAN.

PRESTO...

MAJESTO...

DISAPPEAR.

OH!

THAT WAS
REAL GOOD.

TA-DA!

NOW, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
I'M NOT DONE.

ENOUGH. GET YOUR BROTHER

AND COME ON IN
AND OPEN THE PRESENTS.

HE'S NOT UNDER THERE,
DAMN IT.

HILLY, DON'T SWEAR.

GET DAVEY. COME IN.
OPEN YOUR PRESENTS.

PRESTO CHANGO RETURN.

PRESTO CHANGO RETURN.

PRESTO CHANGO RETURN!

PLEASE, GOD...

I'M SORRY. HE CAN HAVE
ALL MY G.I. JOES,

ANYTHING. I SWEAR IT.

JUST LET HIM COME BACK.

WHAT'S WRONG, SON?

I'LL DO ANYTHING,
JUST BRING HIM BACK NOW.

WHAT DOES
HE MEAN?

WHO IS HE
TALKING TO?

I DON'T KNOW.

HILLY, STOP
FOOLING AROUND

AND GET DAVEY
BACK NOW.

I'M TRYING,
BUT I CAN'T.

OK.
WHERE IS HE?

WHERE DID HE GO?

I DON'T KNOW
WHERE THINGS GO

WHEN THEY STOP
BEING HERE.

COME BACK, DAVEY.
COME BACK.

I'M SURE THERE'S A LOGICAL
EXPLANATION, EV.

HE'S PROBABLY ASLEEP
SOMEWHERE IN THE GRASS.

WITHOUT ANY OF US
SEEING IT?

HE WOULD NEVER HAVE
GONE OFF BY HIMSELF.

YOU KNOW
LITTLE BOYS, OK?

I MEAN, HE'S
BEEN GONE AN HOUR.

HE'LL TURN UP.

YOU'VE GOT TO FIND HIM
BEFORE DARK. YOU'VE GOT TO.

HILLY...

HOW DID YOU
THINK UP THIS TRICK?

THE VOICES
TOLD ME WHAT TO DO

AND HOW TO DO IT.

WHAT VOICES?

I DON'T KNOW.

I DON'T KNOW.

TAKE IT EASY, SON.

THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT.

I WISH YOU'D NEVER GIVEN
ME THAT STUPID MAGIC SET.

HILLY, YOU
DON'T MEAN THAT.

YES, I DO.

I HATE MAGIC,
AND I HATE HIM.

ALL RIGHT, LISTEN UP.

WE'RE GOING TO SEARCH
THIS TOWN FROM TOP TO BOTTOM.

FIRST, I WANT YOU
TO DIVIDE INTO GROUPS.

ONE GROUP GO UP
AND DOWN MAIN STREET.

CHECK EVERY BUILDING,
STORE, AND HOUSE.

DON'T FORGET TO KNOCK
ON EVERY DOOR.

EV, GARD, BOBBI,
COME WITH BUTCH AND ME.

WE'LL SEARCH BURNING WOODS.

WE'VE GOT
A LITTLE BOY LOST.

I WANT TO FIND HIM
BEFORE NIGHTFALL.

WHAT ARE YOU ALL
GAWKING AT?

COME ON.
LET'S GO FIND HIM.

I'M SURE
WE'LL FIND HIM.

ARE YOU?

HOW DO YOU KNOW
HE'S LOST?

I GUESS I KNOW HOW
YOU MUST FEEL, BUT--

NO. NO.

NO. YOU DON'T
KNOW HOW I FEEL.

Man: HEAR ME, DAVEY?

DAVEY!

DAVEY!

DAVEY!

DAVEY BROWN!

DAVEY BROWN!

AAH!

OH, AM I GLAD
TO SEE YOU, PETEY.

IT'S JUST ME.
IT'S JUST ME.

PETER, NO! DOWN!

RUTH, I'M SORRY.

WHAT THE HELL'S
THE MATTER WITH HIM?

HE'S BEEN ACTING
REALLY WEIRD LATELY.

HE'S ACTING
LIKE A REGULAR CUJO.

WHAT DO YOU HEAR?

I HEARD SOMETHING
OVER THERE.

ALL RIGHT.

THAT WAS A CLOSE ONE.

DAVEY!

DAVEY!

MISSING CHILD HOTLINE.

NO, FATHER. NO SIGN
OF THE POOR LITTLE LAMB.

HE'S--HE'S
ABDUCTED, RIGHT?

I'M AFRAID SO.

THERE'S NO
RATIONAL EXPLANATION.

HE COULD NOT HAVE GOTTEN
PAST THE SEARCH AREA

WITHOUT BEING
TAKEN BY SOMEBODY.

WE'VE GOT AN APB OUT.
SOMEBODY WILL SPOT HIM.

YOUR MEN WILL KEEP
LOOKING, WON'T THEY?

SURE, EV.

WE'LL START AGAIN
AT FIRST LIGHT.

YOU'RE GOING TO LEAVE
HIM OUT THERE ALL NIGHT?

WHAT'S THIS FIRST LIGHT?

BRYANT, WHAT
ARE WE GOING TO DO?

LET THEM DO THEIR JOB.

WE'LL FIND HIM,
MARIE.

EVERYTHING
WILL BE FINE.

I KNOW WE WILL.

BECKA,
YOU LOOK EXHAUSTED.

WHY DON'T YOU GO ON HOME
AND TAKE CARE OF JOE?

WHAT?

JOE LEFT EARLY,
SAID HE'S GOT THE FLU.

I'LL MAN THE PHONES.

I'LL GO SEE HOW HE IS.

I'LL BE BACK FIRST THING
IN THE MORNING.

OK.

THANKS, BECKA.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

[RING]

MISSING CHILD HOTLINE.

[GIGGLING]

I TELL YOU, THAT KID DAVEY
COULD BE THE BEST THING

THAT EVER HAPPENED TO US.

WITH ANY LUCK, HE'LL
BE MISSING FOR A WEEK.

WE COULD BE.

WHAT ABOUT BECKA?

NO, NO. FORGET IT.

BECKA'S GOING TO BE MANNING
THOSE PHONES DAY AND NIGHT

UNTIL THEY FIND HIM.

MMM.

OH.

DAY AND NIGHT.

NIGHT AND DAY.

JOE, ARE YOU
ALL RIGHT? JOE?

FINAL PASSION.

Chaz: AH, VERY GOOD, BECKA.
NOW, EASY DOES IT.

THERE. THAT'S RIGHT.

NOW, SOLDER
THAT RED WIRE.

NO, NO. NOT THERE.

YEAH. THERE.

I'M JUST NO GOOD
AT THIS.

I'M TOO CLUMSY.

NOT TOO MUCH SOLDER.
JUST A LITTLE DAB.

WHAT IF THERE'S
ANOTHER EXPLANATION

FOR THE LIPSTICK?

WHAT IF HE GOT IT
THROWING THAT HUSSY DOWN

IN A GIANT PILE
OF CIRCULARS? WHAT THEN?

I'D HAVE TO DO
SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

YEAH, AND YOU ARE.

YOU ARE.

[TV PLAYS]

ANY LUCK
FINDING THE BOY?

UH, NO.

WE LOOKED HIGH AND LOW,

BUT THERE WAS JUST
NO SIGN OF THAT KID.

THOU SHALT
NOT SUFFER A LIAR.

HUH?

I SAID, "THAT'S TOO BAD."

Chaz: SORRY, CHUM.

THE GALS DIDN'T PICK YOU
AS THEIR PERFECT DATE.

WOULD YOU TURN
THIS JUNK OFF?

I MEAN,
I HATE THIS SHOW.

TURN IT OFF YOURSELF.

WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME?

I SAID YOU CAN DAMN WELL
TURN IT OFF YOURSELF!

WHAT IS WITH YOU,
TALKING TO ME LIKE THAT?

Chaz: THAT'S IT.
GOOD NIGHT.

GOOD DATING.

UHH!

Joe: OH!

JOE.

[TYPING]

PETEY?

PETER?

BOBBI?

HUH?

[MUMBLING]

[TYPING STOPS]

"THE BUFFALO SOLDIERS--

A NEW NOVEL
BY ROBERTA ANDERSON."

"FOR GARD,
MY PARTNER IN THE QUEST."

[TYPING]

[BZZZT]

PLEASE COME BACK.

IF YOU JUST COME BACK,
I'LL GIVE YOU ALL MY G.I. JOES.

SNAKE-EYES...

CRYSTAL BALL...

MOBAT...
EVEN THE TERRORDOME.

Davey:
HILLY, HELP M.

DAVEY?

IT'S COLD AND DAR,

AND I WANT TO
COME HOME, HILLY.

WHERE ARE YOU, DAVEY?
WHERE ARE YOU?

I'M WITH
THE TOMMYKNOCKERS.

HELP ME.

HOW? I DON'T KNOW HOW.

PLEASE, DAVEY.

WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO?

WHERE--WHERE IS DAVEY?

I DON'T KNOW.

I DON'T KNOW
WHERE THINGS GO

WHEN THEY
STOP BEING HERE.

I NEVER DISAPPEARED ANYTHING
THAT WAS ALIVE BEFORE.

HILLY.

HILLY?

HELP ME, SOMEONE!

HE'S DELIRIOUS.
HE'S TALKING TO DAVEY.

HE SAYS THE
TOMMYKNOCKERS GOT HIM.

I'M TAKING HIM
TO THE HOSPITAL.

YOU TWO STAY HERE.

I'LL TAKE HILLY
TO THE HOSPITAL.

I'LL CALL WHEN I'VE
SPOKEN WITH DOCTORS.

YOU'RE GOING TO BE OK.
I'LL GET THE DOOR.

YOU'RE GOING
TO BE OK, HILLY.

EVERYTHING'S GOING
TO BE ALL RIGHT.

DADDY.

YOU'LL BE OK, HONEY.

YOU'LL BE OK.

WELL?

BEST THING
YOU'VE EVER WRITTEN.

THANKS. I THINK
IT IS, TOO.

YEAH, IT IS.

SO WHEN WAS THIS, UH...

DONE?

LAST NIGHT...

IN MY SLEEP.

IMPOSSIBLE.

WELL, NOT WITH
MY WORD ACCORDION.

TELEPATHIC
TYPEWRITER, HUH?

GOD, BOBBI...

WHAT'S IT LIKE,
THIS, UH...FEELING?

IT'S A HIGH.

IT'S AN INCREDIBLE HIGH.

HMM.

WHAT ABOUT YOU?
YOU DON'T FEEL ANYTHING?

NOT A JOT, NOT AN OUNCE
OF POETIC INSPIRATION.

NOTHING.

YOU WILL.

IT JUST DOESN'T
HAPPEN ALL AT ONCE.

I SUPPOSE YOU'RE RIGHT.

HEY, UH...

MAYBE IT'S THE OLD
PLATE IN MY HEAD, HUH?

LET'S TAKE THE DAY OFF.

I THOUGHT YOU WANTED
TO GO OUT AND DIG TODAY.

YEAH. WELL, I--
WE'RE WORKING TOO HARD.

DID YOU KNOW THAT
IT'S THE FOURTH OF JULY?

YOU WANT TO GO INTO TOWN
AND WAVE FLAGS?

YEAH. MAYBE.

UM, BUT I JUST KNOW
THAT WE HAVE TO BE THERE.

I WANT TO WELCOME ALL OF YOU

TO OUR FOURTH OF JULY
CELEBRATION.

AS YOU KNOW, OUR COMMUNITY
HAS SUFFERED GREATLY

DURING THESE PAST FEW DAYS.

WE'VE LOST OUR BELOVED
POSTMAN JOE PAULSON.

PRAY FOR A SPEEDY RECOVERY
FOR HIS WIFE BECKY.

OUR HEARTS AND OUR PRAYERS

GO OUT TO THE BROWN FAMILY
IN THEIR HOUR OF NEED

AS WE CONTINUE OUR SEARCH
FOR THEIR SON DAVEY,

AND YET, IN THE FACE
OF ALL THESE TRAGEDIES,

OUR COMMUNITY
HAS REALLY JOINED TOGETHER.

I'M VERY PROUD OF YOU.

WOULD YOU PLEASE RISE NOW

AND JOIN ME IN SINGING
THE NATIONAL ANTHEM?

♪♪ O, SAY CAN YOU SEE ♪♪

♪♪ BY THE DAWN'S
EARLY LIGHT ♪♪

♪♪ WHAT SO PROUDLY
WE HAILED ♪♪

♪♪ AT THE TWILIGHT'S
LAST GLEAMING? ♪♪

♪♪ WHOSE BROAD STRIPES
AND BRIGHT STARS ♪♪

♪♪ THROUGH
THE PERILOUS FIGHT ♪♪

ISN'T THAT SOMETHING?

BOBBI?

♪♪ LATE LAST NIGHT ♪♪

♪♪ AND THE NIGHT BEFORE ♪♪

♪♪ TOMMYKNOCKERS,
TOMMYKNOCKERS ♪♪

♪♪ KNOCKIN' AT THE DOOR ♪♪

I WANT TO GO OUT.

I--I DON'T KNOW
IF I CAN.

IT'S ALL RIGHT.
I'M HERE.

GRAMPS IS HERE.

'CAUSE I--
I LEARNED THIS TRICK

FROM--FROM
THE TOMMYKNOCKER MAN.

♪♪ TOMMYKNOCKERS,
TOMMYKNOCKERS ♪♪

♪♪ KNOCKIN' AT THE DOOR ♪♪

TOMMYKNOCKERS.

♪♪ TOMMYKNOCKERS ♪♪

TOMMYKNOCKERS.

♪♪ KNOCKIN' AT THE DOOR ♪♪

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