The Sylvester & Tweety Mysteries (1995–2001): Season 3, Episode 3 - Moscow Side Story/Fair's Fair - full transcript
In Russia, the treasured Borscht Belt has been stolen, rendering comedians unfunny.
[instrumental music]
[theme music]
♪ Whenever there's a crime
or trouble ♪
♪ That no one can solve
at all it seems ♪
♪ That's when they come
and on the double ♪
♪ Sylvester and Tweety
mysteries ♪
♪ It might be day
or night whenever ♪
♪ Conditions are right
for them to flee ♪
♪ Somehow it all
still fits together ♪
♪ Sylvester and Tweety
mysteries ♪
♪ If there's a full moon ♪
♪ An old house
with rotten stairs ♪
♪ Just wook awound you ♪
♪ Chances are
we'll be there ♪
♪ Someday I'll eat
that darn canary ♪
♪ And then I'll be happy
yessiree ♪
♪ But Hector thinks
you should be wary ♪
♪ Sylvester and Tweety
mysteries ♪
♪ The chase goes on
with each new mission ♪
♪ With backdrops aplenty,
globally ♪
♪ And through it all
they're in contention ♪
♪ Sylvester and Tweety ♪
♪ Mysteries ♪
[instrumental music]
(Sylvester)
Ah, Paris in the spring.
Love is in the air.
[sniffing]
And something else is, too.
P.U.
[clamoring]
Mesdames et messieurs,
it is my great pleasure
to announce this year's line
of Valentine's Day perfumes.
(all)
Ooh!
[audience exclaiming]
(crowd)
Ahh!
[crowd exclaiming]
Bon sniffatete.
Ewww!
Oof!
[sniffing]
Zut odor!
[clamoring]
[crowd groaning]
[grunting]
Thank you, Madame Granny
for helping us
in our hour of need.
Oh, ho ho. It's the least
I could do.
A tragedy, no?
I ask you, what is a Frenchman
without his perfume?
Alone?
[sniffing]
Go get 'em, boy.
We'll solve this case
in one stout whiff.
Or maybe not.
chomp chomp
Well, even a super-sleuth
needs to eat.
Eh, uh, uh, garcon.
(male #1)
'May I suggest a croissant'
'or perhaps a crepe suzette?'
I'd prefer a nice canary
under glass.
Check, please.
[humming]
There is something
vewy fishy about that waiter.
Oh, ho ho.
How nice.
Hah!
Aha. A prime suspect.
thud thud
Come back here,
you little bon bon.
Oof!
[groaning]
[mellow music]
I lose more accordions
that way.
Mmm.. Mm-mm-mm!
[Granny smacks lips]
[Granny chuckling]
Snails? Eww!
What? Why, a mime.
How wonderful.
So cat-like.
'Just like a real kitty.'
I don't think
I'm gonna wike this.
Whoop!
Bravo!
(male #2)
Arretez! Unthiefdu
pussycat?
[Sylvester groans]
[sniffing]
Oh, my goodness!
The Eiffel Tower
is magnificent.
Ooh! I've always wanted
to tour the Eiffel Tower.
[slurp]
Funny, I've always wanted
to dine at the top
of the Eiffel Tower.
[dramatic music]
[squeaking]
Ah, finis!
Now to blow this stench
out of Paris.
Oui.And over to England
where it belongs.
[laughing]
England!
Ooh!
What a spectacular view.
Whoop!
[groans]
Oh, puddy!
[fan whirs]
[screams]
Puddy's gone with the wind.
Oof! Yeech! Yike!
Eeuch! Ooh!
[screams]
[glass shatters]
Uhh!
Uh-oh. The poor puddy
weached a dead end.
[moaning]
[screams]
Ooh! Eeuch! Yike! Yaah!
[screams]
Stop the suction already!
Waah!
Duh, 1 o'clock.
Time to ring, duh, lebell.
[bells toll]
[moaning]
Sanctuary!
[whistling]
Yeow!
Turn it off!
There. That's better.
[gulp]
Yikes. Aah!
splash
[coughing]
Ah. Certainement.
Eh? What do you think?
Brilliant, non?
[coughs]
What?
I need no opinions
from flea-bitten
hairballs.
[blows raspberry]
[sniffing]
[barking]
(Granny)
'That stinky stranger
must be inside.'
[crowd cheering]
Ooh-la-la.
[whistles]
Now, this is what I call
sightseeing.
Aha. A delicious
distraction.
Ooh, he is so cute.
I must have him
for my very own.
[dancers screaming]
- I saw him first!
- Back off, Gigi!
Wadies, pwease!
There's pwenty of me
to go awound.
No dancers can can-can in
on my feathered fowl.
[panting]
The perfect disguise.
Fifi, next time
you are late
it will be ze guillotine
for sure.
'Now get out zere
and dance!'
[applause]
I tawt I taw
a puddy cat!
I did! I did!
[barking]
aha! There's our stinker.
[sniffing]
Pepe le pew? Why?
Zeanswer is obvious,non?
To share
my sweet smell of love
I replaced every drop
of perfume in France
with my eau de pew.
It's my valentine
to ze masses.
I don't know how
to tell you this
but not everyone's keen
on your fwagwance.
In your humble opinion.
But beauty is in zenose
of zebeholder.
- Non?
- Yeah.
That's why everyone's
beholding their noses.
But where's the weal
perfume?
I shall never reveal
I hid zeperfume
in zeold chocolate factory.
So, you hid it
in the chocolate factory?
Zut alors!
I have been duped.
[mellow music]
Come on, boys, we can still
save Valentine's Day.
Rrrr!
(male #3)
Granny and her boys
saved Valentine's Day.
Pepe le pew was sentenced
to 90 days
in a deodorant factory.
Love stinks, non?
[theme music]
[theme music]
♪ Whenever there's a crime
or trouble ♪
♪ That no one can solve
at all it seems ♪
♪ That's when they come
and on the double ♪
♪ Sylvester and Tweety
mysteries ♪
♪ It might be day
or night whenever ♪
♪ Conditions are right
for them to flee ♪
♪ Somehow it all
still fits together ♪
♪ Sylvester and Tweety
mysteries ♪
♪ If there's a full moon ♪
♪ An old house
with rotten stairs ♪
♪ Just wook awound you ♪
♪ Chances are
we'll be there ♪
♪ Someday I'll eat
that darn canary ♪
♪ And then I'll be happy
yessiree ♪
♪ But Hector thinks
you should be wary ♪
♪ Sylvester and Tweety
mysteries ♪
♪ The chase goes on
with each new mission ♪
♪ With backdrops aplenty,
globally ♪
♪ And through it all
they're in contention ♪
♪ Sylvester and Tweety ♪
♪ Mysteries ♪
[instrumental music]
(Sylvester)
Ah, Paris in the spring.
Love is in the air.
[sniffing]
And something else is, too.
P.U.
[clamoring]
Mesdames et messieurs,
it is my great pleasure
to announce this year's line
of Valentine's Day perfumes.
(all)
Ooh!
[audience exclaiming]
(crowd)
Ahh!
[crowd exclaiming]
Bon sniffatete.
Ewww!
Oof!
[sniffing]
Zut odor!
[clamoring]
[crowd groaning]
[grunting]
Thank you, Madame Granny
for helping us
in our hour of need.
Oh, ho ho. It's the least
I could do.
A tragedy, no?
I ask you, what is a Frenchman
without his perfume?
Alone?
[sniffing]
Go get 'em, boy.
We'll solve this case
in one stout whiff.
Or maybe not.
chomp chomp
Well, even a super-sleuth
needs to eat.
Eh, uh, uh, garcon.
(male #1)
'May I suggest a croissant'
'or perhaps a crepe suzette?'
I'd prefer a nice canary
under glass.
Check, please.
[humming]
There is something
vewy fishy about that waiter.
Oh, ho ho.
How nice.
Hah!
Aha. A prime suspect.
thud thud
Come back here,
you little bon bon.
Oof!
[groaning]
[mellow music]
I lose more accordions
that way.
Mmm.. Mm-mm-mm!
[Granny smacks lips]
[Granny chuckling]
Snails? Eww!
What? Why, a mime.
How wonderful.
So cat-like.
'Just like a real kitty.'
I don't think
I'm gonna wike this.
Whoop!
Bravo!
(male #2)
Arretez! Unthiefdu
pussycat?
[Sylvester groans]
[sniffing]
Oh, my goodness!
The Eiffel Tower
is magnificent.
Ooh! I've always wanted
to tour the Eiffel Tower.
[slurp]
Funny, I've always wanted
to dine at the top
of the Eiffel Tower.
[dramatic music]
[squeaking]
Ah, finis!
Now to blow this stench
out of Paris.
Oui.And over to England
where it belongs.
[laughing]
England!
Ooh!
What a spectacular view.
Whoop!
[groans]
Oh, puddy!
[fan whirs]
[screams]
Puddy's gone with the wind.
Oof! Yeech! Yike!
Eeuch! Ooh!
[screams]
[glass shatters]
Uhh!
Uh-oh. The poor puddy
weached a dead end.
[moaning]
[screams]
Ooh! Eeuch! Yike! Yaah!
[screams]
Stop the suction already!
Waah!
Duh, 1 o'clock.
Time to ring, duh, lebell.
[bells toll]
[moaning]
Sanctuary!
[whistling]
Yeow!
Turn it off!
There. That's better.
[gulp]
Yikes. Aah!
splash
[coughing]
Ah. Certainement.
Eh? What do you think?
Brilliant, non?
[coughs]
What?
I need no opinions
from flea-bitten
hairballs.
[blows raspberry]
[sniffing]
[barking]
(Granny)
'That stinky stranger
must be inside.'
[crowd cheering]
Ooh-la-la.
[whistles]
Now, this is what I call
sightseeing.
Aha. A delicious
distraction.
Ooh, he is so cute.
I must have him
for my very own.
[dancers screaming]
- I saw him first!
- Back off, Gigi!
Wadies, pwease!
There's pwenty of me
to go awound.
No dancers can can-can in
on my feathered fowl.
[panting]
The perfect disguise.
Fifi, next time
you are late
it will be ze guillotine
for sure.
'Now get out zere
and dance!'
[applause]
I tawt I taw
a puddy cat!
I did! I did!
[barking]
aha! There's our stinker.
[sniffing]
Pepe le pew? Why?
Zeanswer is obvious,non?
To share
my sweet smell of love
I replaced every drop
of perfume in France
with my eau de pew.
It's my valentine
to ze masses.
I don't know how
to tell you this
but not everyone's keen
on your fwagwance.
In your humble opinion.
But beauty is in zenose
of zebeholder.
- Non?
- Yeah.
That's why everyone's
beholding their noses.
But where's the weal
perfume?
I shall never reveal
I hid zeperfume
in zeold chocolate factory.
So, you hid it
in the chocolate factory?
Zut alors!
I have been duped.
[mellow music]
Come on, boys, we can still
save Valentine's Day.
Rrrr!
(male #3)
Granny and her boys
saved Valentine's Day.
Pepe le pew was sentenced
to 90 days
in a deodorant factory.
Love stinks, non?
[theme music]