The Suite Life of Zack & Cody (2005-2008): Season 3, Episode 11 - Of Clocks and Contracts - full transcript

Cody, will you help me
with my science project?

The guy I used to use is all stuck up
now that he won the nobel prize.

A nobel prize winner tutored you?

No, he just did the research
and the writing.

Sorry, London, I can't help you.

I have a report due on Moby Dick.

- I'll pay you.
- The whale can wait!

Great, I'll see you in my suite later,
study buddy.

I'll be there, money honey.

Uh, no fair.

I have a science project, too,
and I can't afford to hire a nerd.



We nerds prefer "Educational Consultants."

And I thought you said
you were great in science.

I am, but I really want to get an "A,"
so I'm building a Tesla Coil.

Ooh, challenging, but I'm all booked up.

Really?

You like listening
to all that classical junk, right?

If by junk you mean the music
of Beethoven, Mozart, and Bach, then yes.

Look, if you help me,

I can get my hands on Uncle Marion's
symphony tickets to hear yo-yo mama.

- You mean, Yo-Yo Ma?
- Whatever.

I'm your nerd.

♪ Here I am in your life ♪
♪ Here you are in mine ♪

♪ Yes, we have a suite life ♪

♪ Most of the time ♪



♪ You and me, we got the world to see ♪
♪ So come on down ♪

♪ Just me and you know what to do ♪
♪ So come on down ♪

♪ It's you and me and me and you ♪
♪ We got the whole place to ourselves ♪

♪ You and me, we got it all for free ♪
♪ so come on down ♪

♪ This is the suite life ♪

♪ We've got a suite life ♪

Now, Carey, as you know, your singing
contract is up, so here is the renewal.

Now, for your convenience,
I have flagged where you need to sign.

You, uh... signature at the red ones,
and then initial at the yellow ones.

- What about that green one?
- The green one... oh!

It's a little lettuce from my lunch.

- And there you are.
- Don't I need to read it first?

No, that's the beauty of the flags!

Hey, mom!

I need your help!

I got gum in my ear.

And nothing in your head.

I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation.

Nope!

Ugh.

Ahh.

Leave it!

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm negotiating
my contract with Mr. Moseby.

Ho ho, we're not negotiating,
we're signing.

Hey, did you get a 3-year guarantee?

I don't see that in here.

How about yearly raises
tied to performance?

- Good point!
- Oh, you're outside the flags!

Outside the flags!

I'd demand a new filter
for that spotlight.

Somebody's not getting any younger.

That's right!

About the lighting,
not about the getting older part.

Zack, this discussion is not for children.

Actually, this child makes a point.

I think I'm going
to review this more carefully.

Oh, Carey, are you going
to take Zack's advice?

I know you don't believe this,
but Zack can be pretty sharp.

Check it out.

I'm a gummy mummy.

[GROWLING]

Oh, hi, Cody!

So, are you done with my project yet?

You're paying me to help you,
not do the work for you.

Oh, I get it. You want more money.

London, there isn't
enough money in the world

to make me do your homework for you.

[SCOFFS]
Maybe not in your world,

but in my world,
I have enough money to buy your world.

Forget it. Let's just focus here.

Do you have an experiment in mind?

Okay...

How about you conduct an experiment

that demonstrates
the principles of gene splicing?

Oh, I could do that!

I mean, I usually buy my jeans
with holes already in them,

but I could slice them myself.

[GROANS]
It's like talking to a potato.

[GASPS]
We'll make a potato clock.

Well, why would
a potato need to tell time?

Oh, I got it!

So, it knows when it's done!

No, the potato will power the clock.

See, by using copper and zinc, you create
a chemical reaction between the 2 metals,

converting the potential energy
inherent within the vegetable

into an electrical current.

Potato make tick-tock.

Yay! Cody smart-smart.

No, no, no, no, no.

He cannot be serious.

These percentages don't
even keep pace with the cost of living.

Why can't you do your
math homework this easily?

Please, mom,
those are all make-believe numbers.

This is the real stuff.

You know what? You deserve a raise.

More vacation time,
a suite with 2 bedrooms...

I want that.

Finally, I could have my own bedroom.

Well, actually, I was thinking
one for me and one for Cody,

but you could bunk with Cody.

[KNOCKING]

[SNIFFS]
I smell ink drying.

I hope that means something
has been signed.

- Nope, something's been crossed out.
- Something...

What... What is all of...

But I brought a bottle of
sparkling cider to celebrate.

We'll drink that apple bubbly
when you make us a real offer.

[SPUTTERS]

Okay, okay, maybe there are a few
perks I could throw your way.

How about I bump up
your wardrobe budget 10 percent?

Hmm? And I'll let you keep
the outfits for, you know, dates.

Uh, should you ever get one.

I'll take that.

Under consideration,
and we'll get back to you.

Under consideration?
She said, I'll take it.

Why didn't we agree to that?
I like free clothes.

Please. He's just throwing you a bone.

Look, let me negotiate.

Not only will you get free clothes,
the pockets will be stuffed with money.

Minus my 10 percent commission, of course.

I don't know, Zack.

I don't think I could let
a 14-year-old negotiate my deal.

Aw, ma, what do you got to lose?
If I get you more, great.

If not, you could
always sign Moseby's deal.

Well, you do make some good points.

And it would drive Mr. Moseby bonkers.

Which could work for us.

Ok, Zack, you are now my agent.

Great. Let's do lunch.

- [LAUGHS]
- No, really, Mommy, I'm hungry.

Make me a sammich?

All right, for a tesla coil to work,

we need to create an electrical field
that can power a light bulb

without it being attached to any wires.

Yeah, yeah. Less yapping, more coiling.

[ELEVATOR DINGS]
Cody, Cody!

Something went wrong with my potato clock.

I can see that.

You turned it into a potato hat.

Do you think this will get an A?

Not unless you're wearing
sour cream gloves and a bacon scarf.

- Look, you need to come and help me.
- Fine.

- Hey, he's helping me.
- That's right, I was helping her.

Oh, not anymore.

- Give me back my nerd!
- He's my nerd!

- No!
- [BOTH GRUNTING]

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

Let's not break the nerd.
We tend not to be that well-muscled.

Ah, Carey!

Ready to put this contract to bed?

Please address me, not my client.

Carey, are you serious?

Well, he talked me in to it.

Since he could do that,
I figured he must be a good agent.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Great, small talk's over. Let's tango.

Now, since my client started working here,

business in your lounge
has gone through the roof.

Okay, I do acknowledge
there have been a few more people.

A few? It's been a stampede.

And after every show,
people give her a standing ovation.

They're getting up to go home!

Well, they never would have come
in without this glamour-pus

up there shaking her goodies.

Shaking my goodies?

Bubbe, please. You sing, I talk.

Look, tourists come for the hotel,
not for some so-called glamour-pus.

So-called?

Look, sweetheart,
this is nothing personal,

but just leave this to the professionals
and get yourself a candy bar.

But just one.
We don't want your goodies to go bad.

- I... I...
- MOSEBY: Zack makes a great point.

About my goodies?

No, you should leave this
for the professionals.

But I...

Well, I'm glad you understand
our position.

I do.

So, how did it go?

- What did you get me?
- Well, more vacation time.

- How many weeks a year?
- 52.

- That's all of them.
- Yep, you quit.

I quit?

Don't worry, it's just a negotiating ploy.

- But, I don't think...
- Don't look back.

- I want to...
- Don't look back.

- [CRIES]
- You looked back, didn't you?

A little.

- Cody.
- London.

Oh, this is too hard.

It's 2 wires, a potato, and a clock.

How much easier could it be?

A lot. If you do it.

London, I'm not going to do it.

I have my own book report
that I have to finish.

If you finish this project for me,
I'll write your book report for you.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Seriously, finish the clock.

Fine, I'll finish it.

It's the only way
I'm going to get my book report done.

Thank you.

Uh, Cody, I connected the H.V. capacitor
to the transformer like you said,

and nothing happened.

I get more electricity
dragging my feet on the carpet.

Ow!

Oh, hey, Cody,
maybe I should attach my clock to her.

I'm going to need a pin.

You need to back off,
so Cody can help me finish my project.

Well, he's doing my project.

I'm paying him.

So, I'm giving him yo mama tickets.

Well, Cody's been my friend for years.

Oh, yeah? Well, what's his last name?

- Oh, Cody... Cody...
- Martin.

No, I'm pretty sure it's Cody.

See? That's why you should help me.

She doesn't even know your last name.

I'll buy Cody all the last names he wants.

- Martin.
- Fine.

I'll buy Martin
all the last names he wants.

Forget it.

I have a book report I need to do.

I want no part of any of this.
London, keep your money.

Nia, keep yo mama tickets.

- I'm out of here.
- Oh, Martin, wait!

Great. Now what are we going to do?

Look, if you help me, I'll help you.

I mean, how hard can this really be?

Wait, which wire was mine?

What difference does it make?

- What should I do with this?
- I don't know.

Just connect it to something.

Whoa, that's pretty cool.

See that? We didn't need Martin.

[SCREAMING]

Hey! French fries.

And they're crispy.

Oh, let's blow up a tomato
and make some ketchup.

- Zack...
- Shh, mom, I'm on an important call.

Nope. Too busy.

Can't play hockey tonight, mm-kay?

All right.

Zack, I'm really worried.

It's been 2 days, and Moseby
still hasn't offered me my job back.

In fact, he started referring
to me as the guest in 2330.

What's Mr. Moseby going to do?

Hire another act?

Excuse me, do you know
where the cabaret auditions are?

Auditions?

Never mind.

Oh, okay, this has gone on long enough.

I'm going to find Moseby
and sign that original contract.

No, no, no, can't you see?
This is all a show.

He's not going to hire
any of these no-talent losers.

No offense.

Especially you.

Here's my card.

Just don't call on a school night.

[MOUTHING]

Okay, okay, Zack!

We have a problem.

I mean, obviously,
this quitting ploy didn't work.

Yet.

Just hang tough and trust your agent.

You're an agent?

Well, I'm looking for an agent.

You see? They're coming to me now.

Show me what you got, clown.

[SQUEAKS]

[LAUGHS]

First place at the science contest.

We're the smarterest.

- What's the matter?
- You look sad, Martin.

[STAMMERS]

Thanks to you girls, I did terribly
on my Moby Dick book report.

I got an A-minus.

- Well, that's not so bad.
- Hello?

Minus.

I hope you girls are happy.

Oh, we are.

Because you made us do the project
on our own, we got an A cross.

Plus. We got an A-plus.

Right, we got an A plus the cross.

I don't get it.

Your projects didn't even work.

Uh, not separately, but together,
they made french fries.

And one of daddy's investors thinks
we can sell them and make a fortune.

It'll be my first.

So, I guess we did good work together.

- What's my cut?
- You said you wanted no part of this.

Yeah, you told us to keep our money,
so we will.

- But wait...
- Sorry, Martin.

So, I get nothing.

Yep. Would you like fries with that?

Mom, you can't cave in to Moseby now.

Zack, this is my last show before
I wind up

doing early-bird dinner theater
in Fort Lauderdale.

It is caving time.

Relax.

Good things come to those who wait.

- [SIGHS]
- MOSEBY: Carey, a word?

See?

I am so sorry
I didn't get back to you earlier.

I've been so busy auditioning other acts.

Just in case
we couldn't reach an agreement.

Oh, oh, we'll be able
to reach an agreement.

Excuse me, Ms. Martin.

My name is Kelley Emmitt,

and I'm the entertainment director
for the Glitz Harlton hotel.

I saw your early show,

and I think you would be
the perfect headliner for our main room.

Well, I believe I had the floor.

Now, in the interest of closing this deal,

I'm willing to offer you
an extra week vacation

and a five percent raise.

- Really?
- EMMITT: Hah!

We at the Glitz are willing to offer you,

uh, 2 weeks vacation
and a 20 percent raise.

- Shut up!
- MOSEBY: Ow!

Mr. Moseby, care to counter?

Okay, uh, I guess I could scrape together
22 percent,

that's if I replace Norman
the doorman with a wedge of wood.

We'll double your salary,

and give you a 3-bedroom suite
and one month vacation per year!

Shut up!

Mr. Moseby, your turn.

- I'll take it!
- T-t-take it... t-take it...

- But Mr. Moseby, you...
- Zack, I can't compete with that.

I guess I'm going to have
to go with the other act.

He's a comedian.

Does a whole thing on airline food.

It is hi-larious.

You get a... because of the...
Carey, I'm going to miss you.

[SQUEAKS]

Mom, what have you done?

I just accepted a great job offer,
and we all get our own bedrooms.

Thank you, Mr. Emmitt, thank you.

[BUZZING]

That was odd.

Sorry, guess I forgot to lose that
when I took off my clown suit.

Clown suit? You're...

Zack, please tell me
you didn't do something

that's going to make me
wish Cody was an only child.

[CLEARS THROAT]

He's not really from the Glitz.

He's my client, Bubbles.

Bubbles.

[HORN SQUEAKS]
[LAUGHS]

Oh, yeah, I recognize the horn.

He was just supposed to get
Mr. Moseby to offer you more.

Did you ever think about,
I don't know, letting me in on the plan?

You would've said no.

And wouldn't that have been a shame
considering how well everything went?

Well, I thought I did good.

Shut up.

Now, if you two clowns will excuse me,
I'm going to go beg for my job back.

Well, it helps if you cry.

[CRYING]

Oh...

I would like to introduce
to you our brilliant new comedian,

you'll laugh till you plotz.

Buddy King! Buddy, come on out!

Hey, hey, how you doing, everybody?

Great to be here.
Hey, don't you love the Tipton?

I tell you, it's great to be working
in a high-class cabaret.

Last week, I worked
in a place that was such a dump,

they had a sign on the door
that said, "Sorry, we're open."

[LAUGHTER]

Mr. Moseby, I've reconsidered.

I've decided I want
to take you up on your last offer.

- You have?
- Mm-hmm.

Oh, Carey, look, the Glitz
made you a fabulous offer.

I mean, you would be
a fool not to take it.

And call me a fool.

As your friend, I can't let you do this.

- Yes, you can.
- No, I can't.

- Yes, you can.
- No, I can't.

- Yes, you can.
- No, I can't.

We love the Tipton and everyone in it.

Oh, that is so sweet.

Especially you.

There was no other job offer, was there?

No.

The guy from the Glitz is a clown,
my son is a goof, and I'm ready to work.

Oh, really?

Well, Carey,
I would love to hire you back,

but you were asking for way too much.

Flight attendant
stuck her fingers in my ears.

[LAUGHTER]

Ok, fine. Forget the raise.

I'll settle for the wardrobe budget.

No, no, no, not so fast.

I made that offer before I found Buddy.

He comes with his own clothes
and no children.

Besides, he's a big hit.

I mean, he really connects
with the audience.

Last week I was on a plane.

They served me broken leg of lamb.

That's not funny.

- What did you say?
- I said that's not funny.

And you stink.

Hey, listen, pal,
nobody heckles Buddy King.

I just did.

Oh, yeah?

Well, how do you like this punch line?

- Oh, dear.
- WOMAN: Somebody do something.

You're right, he is a hit.

You really connected with that guy.

Okay, let's get that contract signed.

Oh, not so fast.

Okay, I'll give you the wardrobe budget.

You want a piece of me, too, toots?

- [CROWD GASPS]
- And an extra week vacation.

Oh, okay, okay, done.

You've been a great crowd!

You can buy my DVD in the lobby.

Mom, great news.

I got you a job.

How do you feel
about working with monkeys?

I've got some news for you, too.

I got my old job back, and you're fired.

Well, as your agent or... or your son?

As my agent.

That was a smart career move.

Hey, Mr. Moseby.

It was a well-fought battle,
and I hope there are no hard feelings.

By the way, just in case
the chick singer doesn't work out,

I got this awesome clown act.

Ok, now, you're fired as my son, too.

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[BOOM]

[SIZZLING]

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[YELLS]

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Hurry, they're selling like hot cakes.

Don't you mean hot potatoes?

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Seriously, call.

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