The Storyteller (1987–1989): Season 1, Episode 3 - A Story Short - full transcript

The Storyteller recounts a time in his life when he came upon a castle as a beggar and talked himself into a commission to tell the king a story each night for a year. On the last very day he couldn't come up with one and would have been boiled alive in oil for breaking the deal, if it weren't for the timely arrival of a mysterious beggar.

[Cawing]

[Storyteller]
When people told themselves
their past with stories,

explained their present
with stories,

foretold the future with
stories,

the best place by the fire
was kept for...

[Clinks]

The storyteller.

Yesterday, I was telling
a marvelous tale

of how the moon
became round,

when suddenly,
as I reached the best bit,

I couldn't remember
what came next.



I still can't.

And staring
at these expectant faces,

I thought, "what will I do
when there are
no more stories in me,

"when the well runs dry?

What use a storyteller
without stories?"

And then I remembered a time

when that was
exactly what happened.

Yes,
yesterday I forgot a story.

And that is why
I went straight out

and gave my supper
to a beggar.

Our supper.

Now, of course,
this will strike
fools as foolish

and wise men as wise.

A fool eats his last potato.
A wise man plants it.



Apart from which,
everyone knows

beggars are never
what they seem.

[Dog]
Hmm,

you didn't plant a potato,
you gave away our supper.

What was he
if he wasn't a beggar?

He was definitely a beggar.

[Wind howling]

There was a time, you see,

when I myself
was forced to beg.

A bad time, a bitter cold,

when a great hunger
was on the land,

and only the rich had bellies.

And I wandered,
starving and wretched,
and without a home,

until one morning
I found myself
in a new kingdom,

in sight of a palace
and in smell of a kitchen,

drawn there
by the sweet aroma
of roasting.

Mmm.

And just about
to knock was I, when--

[cook]
Go on, get out!

And stay out of my kitchen!

[Dog barking]

[Bell chiming]

[Storyteller]
Good day to you.

I've boiled men
for wasting my time.

Oh, I'm sure that's right.
Good policy.

Do you have any spare water?

What?

Oh, just a drop will do.

I have a good stone here,

and with a little water,
we'll make some soup
for my friend and me.

Stone soup?

Mmm, delicious.

Mmm.

[Cook]
I'm not a fool.

You can't make soup
out of a stone.

Here's your water.
There's your fire.

Now let's see
this marvelous soup.

Thank you. Thank you.

How long
is this going to take?

Oh, it won't take
more than an hour.

That's good.
Oh, it's marvelous water.

And our friend, the cook,
stands over me for an hour
while I consider my soup,

a simple stone
in bubbling water.

Well?

Hmm, nearly there,
I think, mmm.

Mmm. Done.

Do you have a little salt?

Salt!

Hmm.

Mmm, almost perfect.

[Sniffing]

Do you have a little stock?

Lamb. I mean,
just a drop will do.

Stock!

[Storyteller]
And after stock, Greens.

And after Greens, potatoes.
In they all go.

Meat?

Enough!
You'll drown the stone.

Hmm, ready!

Now, you must remember
this is just
a humble stone soup.

Ah!

Good. Very good.

Soup from a stone!

Keep it. It's my gift.

Thank you.

[Guffawing]

[Screaming]

[All laughing]

[Storyteller]
A furious cook
drags me before the king.

"Punishment!" he rages.
"Death by boiling."

But all I'm listening to
are the sweet gurgles
of my full belly.

Answer his majesty,
blockhead.

Pardon?

What's your trade, fool?

It can be scratched
on your gravestone.

I am a teller of stories,

a Weaver of dreams.

I can dance, sing,
and in the right weather,
I can stand on my head.

I know 7 words of Latin.
I have a little magic--

and a trick or 2.

I know the proper way
to meet a dragon.

I can fight dirty,
but not fair.

I once swallowed 30 oysters
in a minute.

I am not domestic.
I am a luxury,

and in that sense,
necessary.

[Laughing]

[All laughing]

Excellent!
And you can make soup
out of a stone!

Excellent.
And a monkey out of a cook!

But, your majesty--

stories, eh? Good stories?
Funny stories?

Some good, some funny,
some indifferent.

Your highness, the punishment.

Punishment.

Yes.

Your punishment will be
that you will tell me a story

every night for a year.

And for every story,
I will give you
a golden crown. Is that fair?

It's my usual fee.

But of course,
if you should
run out of stories,

I will hand you
over to the cook
and his boiling oil,

naturally.

Naturally.

Ah, my dearie-ohs,
the balmy days which followed!

The plenty!
Much of this, much of that.

Each day an inch on my belly,
a story from my head.

Imagine me then,

a royal commission,
a servant, a feather bed,

a suit of silk
jingling with my gold pieces.

[Sighs]
Blissfulness.

After supper,
up by the fire,

I'd tell my tale
to the rapt king.

And he never fell asleep.

What more
could an artist want?
Food to eat,

money to spend,
and his audience awake.

Each night a tick
on the golden calendar,

and a snuggle
with my new wife.

Oh, that wife, aye-ya!

And a year passed,
and the final day came.

My last of sweet punishment.

[Sighs deeply]

I wake up,
full to the brim with life.

My wife, all softness
in our bed,

the coins spilling over,
and blow me,

I can't think of a story!

In a twink, I'm up
and pacing the gardens,

that old crocodile fear
leading me a merry dance.

But, oh, dear!
My mind is a terrible blank.

Oil, it says,
the oil is on the boil.

Husband, we have a visitor.

So I see.

You don't remember me?
We shared your stone soup.

Right.

[Wife]
Is something wrong?

No, no.

[Storyteller]
Is there anything
we can do for you?

Is it food you're after,
or money?

Oh, no, sir.
I have both about me.

As it happens,
I have 364 gold pieces.

Aye, and I come
to wager them against yours.

My husband, sir,
is a devil with the dice.

Yes, of course, I am.
But I can't be winning money.

I am playing
for higher stakes.

I must find a story
before nightfall,
else I shall...

I know I shouldn't have,
but the gold sparkled.

I should have said no,
but the gold glittered.

The morning fritted away
my fortune with it.

Well, that's it.
I have no story,
and I have no money.

Play on.

With what?

Your wife.
Your wife against my winnings.

Never!

No! Go on. Play!

I'm sure you'll win.

I'll not.
I'll not give you up.

I may forget stories,
I may lose my fortune,
I may boil,

but I'll not lose you.

Play. You must surely win.

'Tis not my will.

[Dice rattling]

2.

What's this?

He is now my husband, sir,
and I needs must love him.

Then I am broken.

You will not play again?

With what?
There is nothing more.

I'll stake everything now,

wife, everything,

against your own self.

3rd time lucky?

Stake myself?

Why not?

You have it already anyway.

2 sixes. Naturally.

Well, sir, I am your servant
on this dismal day.

Am I to be tied up like a dog?

No, like a hare.

[Wife]
Oh, how clever!

[Squealing] [Storyteller]
Help! Help! I'm shouting.

But no noise comes out.

Only a squeal, a squeal only!

Darling wife, help me!

No, it's no good struggling.

You can't get away,
you naughty boy.

You can't get away.

[Squealing]

Do you like our games?

No, I don't. Help!

Loving every minute.

[Laughing]
Good.

Because I have better sport
in store.

But not in that shape.

I wonder...

Don't wonder. Help me!

You choose, madam.

Can you do anything?

Anything.
But it must be small
for my purposes.

Um...

A flea?

[Squealing]

[Beggar]
A flea is possible.

[Wife giggling]

[Squealing]

Nice. I can be popped
between the fingers.

[Slurping]

Thank you.

If you itch,
you can think of me.

The beggar strides off.
Where he carries me,
I know not.

This morning, a man blessed;
By lunch, a flea.

This does not bode well
for the evening.

Unless I find my story,

it's a boil...

In the oil.

You get a view on life
as a flea.

Outside, it is cold
and hungry,

inside the castle,
it is hot and people eat.

Our friend, the beggar,
takes us,

me and the rest of the fleas,
to the kitchen

where the oil sizzles,
to meet the cook.

The human body is a kitchen
for the parasite.

And the cook is a feast.

The other fleas flock to him.

Gold, mmm, so tempting.

Greed is the cook's itch,
and he scratches.

What's that?

Oh, that's oil boiling.

It's for a friend of mine,

a buffoon
who tells stories,
a nothing, a flea.

His time will come.
Put your straws down here.

By all means.

Now, you say
you can blow away
the middle one,

but leave the other 2
where they are.

My gold says I can,
a meal says I can't.

[Blowing]

That's cheating.

Why?

I can do that.

Then try.

[Blowing]

My fingers!

It's not so easy.
Another game?

My--my fingers.
Oh, my fingers!

This is simpler.

I'll wager my gold

that I can move one ear,
but not the other.

That's impossible.
But I'll not try.

Fetch a doctor!
Fetch needle and thread.

As you wish.

[Cook]
No, try.

I want that gold.

Try, and curse you.

That's cheating.
He's cheating.

No, I said, I'd move one ear
and not the other,

and that is what I've done.

You'll not make
a fool out of me.

I'll do it myself.

[Laughing]

My ear!

Oh, my ear!

Oh, my--my fingers!

My ear!

Poor chap.

What do you mean, "poor chap"?
What about me? Poor flea!

Poor chap, indeed!
He only lost a few bits.

I lost everything.
Terrible state.

Sorry.

And then,
as night draws up its hood

and the hour comes
when the king expects
his story,

I find myself
carried into the court
on the coat of the beggar.

Where's my storyteller?

Eh? Eh? I want my story!

Sire, there is a man outside,
would entertain you.

I don't want entertainers.
I loathe entertainers.

I want my story
and I want it now.

Majesty,
allow me to present myself,
ragbag that I am.

He smells.

I am a beggar, sir.
It is my business to smell.

But I am capable of offence
not simply to the nose.

And I can throw a rope
in a special way.

[Gasping]

That's clever.

Do something else.
Can he do anything else?

[Beggar]
I can.

Where's it gone? I want it.
Where's it gone?

The prince wants the ball.
Please oblige.

It's at the top of the rope.

Can I get it?

He can't climb a rope.

Well, in that case...

[Beggar]
Now he can go up.

Be careful.

What's he doing up there?
Come down!

Come down!

[Dog]
Where was he?

Where was he indeed?

All eyes strain upwards,

but the prince has vanished.

The beggar scratches his beard
and shrugs,

and then a bright object
comes sailing down.

The ball!

The room is silent.

Nothing.

Then a babble
of muttering and whispering,

pointing, glares,
and indignation,

growls drowned by
the terrifying roar
of the king.

To the oil!

[Storyteller]
Oh, no! I'm trying to shout
for help, but no one hears me.

To go like this?
A flea, a nothing.

To sizzle. No!

[King]
To the oil! To the oil!

Here you are, rat bag.

Come to the pot,
the terrible hot,

come for a boil
in the boiling oil.

[Laughing]

Up and in!

[Laughing]

[Screaming]

[Laughing]

[Storyteller]
Watch out!

Sorry.

This isn't right.

That's not meant to happen.

It's boiling.

[Groaning]

[Moaning]

[Sobbing]

My fingers!

They're back!
My fingers are back!

Ow!

My ear. It's back.
My ear is back!

Where's the ball? What have
you done with my ball?
Give it back!

[Cook]
Ow!

[Soldier]
Look!

"Hmm," they pondered,
and who could blame them,

for odds, bods,
and strange indeedie,

the beggar had quite
disappeared.

But--but what about you?
Where were you?

Where was I indeed?
No longer a flea.
No longer anything.

Here I am above the palace,
swirling, an element,
nothing more.

And then a sudden drop,
hurtling down,

and the ground
rushing up towards me--

[groaning]

[Coins tinkling]

I've been dreaming.
None of this happened.

His majesty
wants his story.

Yes.

Wife?

Right.

[Storyteller panting]

The day is almost over,
and I've heard no story.

Sire.

You remember the conditions?

I do.

Well,
do you have a story
to tell me or not?

He hasn't sire, the pig.
Let me have him!

Is there going to be a boil?

[Snickering]

I have no story, sire.

Let me tell you
what happened to me today.

I woke up.

It was the last day
of our agreement.

My wife lay beside me,
the sun streaming in,
never was a man so happy.

And then,
I just couldn't
think of a story.

Not a single one.

So I went out
into the gardens,

and then things
began to go very wrong.

[Storyteller]
And so I began
to tell the king

of my adventures,

of hares and fleas
and mysteries,

the worst day of my life,
my wife's cruelty,

the boiling oil.

And what a tale it was,
my dearies.

How the tears coursed down
the cheeks of the king,

and the cook and the queen,

and when at last I finished,
there was a terrible silence.

And so, majesty,
I have no story to tell.

But that's the best story
I ever heard.

[Sobbing]

And me.

[Crying]

And suddenly,
the whole court stood
and cheered

and clapped my back
and made me say again,
from start to finish,

the best story
they'd ever heard.

And then, I understood
what the beggar had done:

He'd given me a story.

When I was a story short,
he made me one.

And--and your wife?

Oh, she was under
the beggar's spell.

Ah! I thought so.

Otherwise, it would
have been cruel

to kiss the beggar,
to make you into a flea.

She was enchanted.
Definite.

And still is, I suppose.

She was so taken by his magic,
she set off in search of him.

I never saw her to this day.

As for the cook,
he threw out the pot of oil
and kept the stone instead.

Whenever a poor unfortunate
came a-begging,

he would make them the most
delicious soup.

So that's how a story was lost
and then found,

and is still told to this day,

for the king will
hear no other.

Only it's changed now.
The wife comes back
to the storyteller.

The storyteller becomes king.
You know how it is in stories.

She was a lovely.

Lovely red hair.

Ah.

Are you hungry?
I've got a bone somewhere.

[Sighs]

Not much use.

We can make a soup.

We can try.