The Spectacular Spider-Man (2008–2009): Season 2, Episode 7 - Identity Crisis - full transcript
Editor J. Jonah Jameson's analysis who might be Spiderman indicates Peter, so he sends reporters to question everybody about his whereabouts. Eddie returns to the lab and steals a gene cleanser to rob Spidey of his powers and deals with helpless Peter and his loved ones. Jealous of the media attention, Flash poses in a Spiderman suit. Crooks see his crutches and think Spiderman is at his weakest. Captain Stacy holds a seminar on identity risks.
- Peter Parker. Are you Spider-Man?
- No!
- For the Godzillionth time, no.
- That guy in black said different.
You mean the guy calling
himself Venom?
Does that name inspire trust?
Then how is it you're the only
photographer getting pictures...
...of the web-slinger in action?
Look, he rings my cell to tip me off
when he's about to fight a baddie.
- Guy's kind of a glory hound.
- I knew it!
I knew that headline hog
was using me for free publicity!
But a buck's a buck.
So, Lee, interview everyone
that wall-crawling weasel's ever met.
Heck, interview everyone,
Parker's ever met!
- I'm on it.
- Wait.
- You can't really think--
- Go home, Peter.
Get a good night's sleep.
With my world about to end?
Sure.
- Well?
- He's a kid, not Spider-Man.
Yeah. But just in case...
We're ready to run with this.
You were one of the first individuals
rescued by the Spider-Man.
And Peter Parker
is a friend of your son's.
Any chance Pete and Spidey
are one and the same?
No.
Pete.
A Bugle reporter asked
my dad if you're Spider-Man.
- Come on, what's that about?
- Nothing!
I mean, no idea.
Sha Shan. Hey.
Wait up!
Really, Flash, there's no point.
I'm not going outwith you.
Yo! Mr. Devereaux!
Yo.
Okay, so you didn't cast me
in the school play. No hard feelings.
But guy to guy, a part would really
get me in good with a certain girl, see'?
I see.
Unfortunately, I'm directing a play,
not managing a dating service.
If this special seminar
teaches you kids anything...
...at least you'll
learn the importance...
...of keeping your personal
information private.
Yes, Mr. Brown? A question?
Guess it will have to wait
till next week.
Peter Parker? Spider-Man?
- That's...
- You have got to be kidding.
Although, it would
explain a few things.
- Like when--
- You don't mean--
- And what about--?
- That's pretty far-fetched.
- And yet, no comment.
- No comment.
Ladies and gentlemen,
the prodigal son returns.
Eddie?
- Great to see you again.
- Where have you been, mister?
Took some downtime
after the downsizing.
Eddie, what really happened?
You were right behind me
when that monster grabbed me.
- I was afraid you--
- Why don't we catch up over coffee...
-...just the two of us.
- No.
I mean,
Gwen and I promised to meet...
...Harry and Liz
at the Silver Spoon, like, now.
Rain check then.
Don't suppose
you'd like your job back?
You kidding? Just give us a minute.
Been so missing my bro.
We're quite unimpressed
with the Bugle.
They haven't run
our big scoop yet, so...
I don't really care what impresses
you these days, bro.
But you will.
- So bus or subway--
- There he is.
- Hey, smile, Spidey.
- Is it true?
- Are you Spider-Man?
- Hey, sling us a web, Pete.
They think you're Spider-Man?
- I'm sorry.
- Can you prove you're not Spidey?
He)', Spidey, that your girl?
Yo, babe, what's it
like kissing a freak?
- Let go of me.
- Back off.
Hey, come on.
Just a few more shots.
This way.
Hey, we might catch
him webbing away.
Hey! Where'd they go?
- I know they came this way.
- Keep looking.
They can't have gotten far.
Hey, does Spidey do invisible?
Maybe they went
in the student store.
- Yeah.
- Or the swim gym.
Hello? Hey, Harry.
Liz is there too?
Yeah, sure, sure,
we'll be there in a few minutes.
Bye.
I think they're gone.
But given the circumstances,
I'd better pass on the Spoon.
Tell Liz that I'm sorry.
And Harry.
Yeah, me too. I mean, I will.
Bro, I get why you're doing
this to me...
...but don't you get how many
other people you'll hurt?
We know exactly how many people
your secrets will hurt.
And we can't wait to watch them
all turn against you.
- Who are you?
- How many Spideys are there?
- What are you doing to him?
- Call us Venom.
And all we want is to take off
Spider-Man's mask.
Is your nephew Spider-Man?
Am I being punked?
- And now, the moment of truth.
- Sure.
What say we get a close-up?
That proves it.
If he wasn't Parker,
would he resist this much?
Hey, the creep's got a point.
- Yeah, show us your face.
- Prove you're not Parker.
Come on.
Just because I'm not Parker...
...doesn't mean I'll reveal who I am.
It's called a secret identity.
Besides, Smiley here's
a half-alien Symbiote!
You can't trust those things.
The spider doth protest
too much, we thinks.
Whoops, too hard.
But stay tuned.
We'll be right back
with the unmasking!
All right, all right,
leave the boy alone.
There he is.
Do you think he's really Spidey?
No, I do not.
Perfect. Like you never left.
Good to be home.
Look, I've known Puny Parker
since nursery school.
Man, the dweeb spent sophomore year
stuffed in his locker.
Several students saw him
in a Spider-Man costume.
At the Halloween carnival.
And he looked like a geek
in footie pajamas!
Anyone can suit up
and pretend to be Spidey.
And I can prove it.
Hey, news losers. Here I am.
- There he is.
- What's with the crutches?
Maybe that Venom injured him.
I'm ready to reveal
my true identity as...
Not Parker.
Hey, hey.
web-head walking here.
- You thinking what I'm thinking?
- Yeah. Spidey's gimped up.
We'll never have a better chance
to take him down.
Every time I swear
I'm not Spidey...
...I'm lying to people
I care about.
Maybe I should just admit the truth.
You've fought Spidey.
Any insight on his identity?
Nah, but I hope the Parker kid
is Spider-Man.
Believe me, every guy in the joint
would know what to do with that info.
Back off!
Should've stood in bed,
web-stinker.
Web-stinker? Really?
That's your A material?
This guy's a fake.
That's the real Spidey.
The brains of the outfit.
Hold this for me, genius.
Hey!
Man.
See? Anyone can pretend
to be Spidey...
...and you guys will eat it up.
But there's only one genuine article.
- You mean Peter Parker?
- Yeah. No! This guy!
He's my biggest fan.
Which is sad, really.
We'll show you sad.
A sad little masked superhero...
...soon to have no mask
and no super.
Recognise this? Gene cleanser.
After your identity's revealed,
we'll pour it down your throat.
Then we'll sit back and laugh...
...while all your enemies
attack Peter Parker.
Leaving you powerless
to defend yourself...
...or the ones you love.
So they tell me you and Pete
go way back.
Yeah, we're like brothers.
Should've seen it sooner,
Peter Parker is Spider-Man.
This is gold.
What are those supposed to do?
- Well, they're supposed to hurt.
- Right idea. Wrong calibre.
No.
Well, well.
All our favourite playthings
are here.
- One word, evacuate!
- Move along, girls.
Now, Miss Stacy.
Tasty.
Proceed quickly.
You really think you can hurt
us with that?
Kind of.
That was unpleasant.
Oh, great. Now he's mad.
Thanks. I'll get out of your way now.
You never could score a basket
to save your life.
Just not used to being the ball.
Stupid reporters still think
Puny Parker's Spidey.
Open wide.
Don't be a baby.
It's time to take your medicine.
Hey, dufus!
You got the wrong spider!
Please, you're not fooling--
- Thanks. You did good. Now, book.
- Right. Booking.
We'll take that cleanser now.
Whatever you say, bro.
No!
You can't reject me now.
Don't leave me.
It got away.
Help me get it back. Please!
Eddie, Eddie, it's over.
You're free. You can stop this.
- Stop hating.
- Can't.
It only loves me for the hate.
It'll come back.
You'll see. We're Venom!
- And we'll destroy Spider-Man yet!
- Brock's lost it.
Venom's like twice his size.
Hey, did I mention...
...I received a personal thank you
from Spidey himself?
- You mean, Pete?
- Yeah. No.
Mr. Thompson.
I was having a spot of tea
in the faculty lounge...
...when who should appear
on the telly...
...but a young man in a spidery
sort of costume and crutches.
- Yeah?
- I had no idea...
...you had such hidden talents.
So I have reconsidered your request.
I'd like to offer you the part
of Nick Bottom in our play.
Nick? He's the hero, right?
Oh, he's quite essential, to be sure.
Coach, you got yourself a star.
So maybe now, we can score
some private rehearsal time.
I don't think you'll be needing
much rehearsal.
You just agreed to play Nick Bottom
in A Midsummer Night's Dream.
Trust me, you have that role nailed.
You know I do.
We're missing
a vial of gene cleanser.
I feel I have no choice.
Security has been...
Well, abysmal under your watch.
I'm asking the university board...
...to turn over day-to-day
management of the lab to me.
But Curt built this lab.
- You can't--
- I'm sorry. But I can.
I just have two questions
for you, Betty.
Do you think Peter Parker
is Spider-Man?
And would you go outwith me
Saturday night?
Lee! You've got
exactly eight seconds...
...to show me what you've got
on the web-head!
So that Thompson kid told me about
Pete being at the Halloween carnival.
So I dug up the security footage.
Okay, pause.
This is where the rumor
must have started...
...but come on.
I mean, would the real Spidey...
-...ever show his face in public?
- Thank you.
And thank you, Flash.
That's two I owe you.
Innocent, but still at large.
Guess you can't win them all.
I once thought his whole masked
vigilante thing was problematic.
But I've come to realise...
...that if Spider-Man's true identity
was revealed...
...everyone he cared about
would be in constant danger.
Maybe a man in a mask
doesn't have something to hide...
...but something to protect.
Wouldn't you agree?
Yes, sir.
- No!
- For the Godzillionth time, no.
- That guy in black said different.
You mean the guy calling
himself Venom?
Does that name inspire trust?
Then how is it you're the only
photographer getting pictures...
...of the web-slinger in action?
Look, he rings my cell to tip me off
when he's about to fight a baddie.
- Guy's kind of a glory hound.
- I knew it!
I knew that headline hog
was using me for free publicity!
But a buck's a buck.
So, Lee, interview everyone
that wall-crawling weasel's ever met.
Heck, interview everyone,
Parker's ever met!
- I'm on it.
- Wait.
- You can't really think--
- Go home, Peter.
Get a good night's sleep.
With my world about to end?
Sure.
- Well?
- He's a kid, not Spider-Man.
Yeah. But just in case...
We're ready to run with this.
You were one of the first individuals
rescued by the Spider-Man.
And Peter Parker
is a friend of your son's.
Any chance Pete and Spidey
are one and the same?
No.
Pete.
A Bugle reporter asked
my dad if you're Spider-Man.
- Come on, what's that about?
- Nothing!
I mean, no idea.
Sha Shan. Hey.
Wait up!
Really, Flash, there's no point.
I'm not going outwith you.
Yo! Mr. Devereaux!
Yo.
Okay, so you didn't cast me
in the school play. No hard feelings.
But guy to guy, a part would really
get me in good with a certain girl, see'?
I see.
Unfortunately, I'm directing a play,
not managing a dating service.
If this special seminar
teaches you kids anything...
...at least you'll
learn the importance...
...of keeping your personal
information private.
Yes, Mr. Brown? A question?
Guess it will have to wait
till next week.
Peter Parker? Spider-Man?
- That's...
- You have got to be kidding.
Although, it would
explain a few things.
- Like when--
- You don't mean--
- And what about--?
- That's pretty far-fetched.
- And yet, no comment.
- No comment.
Ladies and gentlemen,
the prodigal son returns.
Eddie?
- Great to see you again.
- Where have you been, mister?
Took some downtime
after the downsizing.
Eddie, what really happened?
You were right behind me
when that monster grabbed me.
- I was afraid you--
- Why don't we catch up over coffee...
-...just the two of us.
- No.
I mean,
Gwen and I promised to meet...
...Harry and Liz
at the Silver Spoon, like, now.
Rain check then.
Don't suppose
you'd like your job back?
You kidding? Just give us a minute.
Been so missing my bro.
We're quite unimpressed
with the Bugle.
They haven't run
our big scoop yet, so...
I don't really care what impresses
you these days, bro.
But you will.
- So bus or subway--
- There he is.
- Hey, smile, Spidey.
- Is it true?
- Are you Spider-Man?
- Hey, sling us a web, Pete.
They think you're Spider-Man?
- I'm sorry.
- Can you prove you're not Spidey?
He)', Spidey, that your girl?
Yo, babe, what's it
like kissing a freak?
- Let go of me.
- Back off.
Hey, come on.
Just a few more shots.
This way.
Hey, we might catch
him webbing away.
Hey! Where'd they go?
- I know they came this way.
- Keep looking.
They can't have gotten far.
Hey, does Spidey do invisible?
Maybe they went
in the student store.
- Yeah.
- Or the swim gym.
Hello? Hey, Harry.
Liz is there too?
Yeah, sure, sure,
we'll be there in a few minutes.
Bye.
I think they're gone.
But given the circumstances,
I'd better pass on the Spoon.
Tell Liz that I'm sorry.
And Harry.
Yeah, me too. I mean, I will.
Bro, I get why you're doing
this to me...
...but don't you get how many
other people you'll hurt?
We know exactly how many people
your secrets will hurt.
And we can't wait to watch them
all turn against you.
- Who are you?
- How many Spideys are there?
- What are you doing to him?
- Call us Venom.
And all we want is to take off
Spider-Man's mask.
Is your nephew Spider-Man?
Am I being punked?
- And now, the moment of truth.
- Sure.
What say we get a close-up?
That proves it.
If he wasn't Parker,
would he resist this much?
Hey, the creep's got a point.
- Yeah, show us your face.
- Prove you're not Parker.
Come on.
Just because I'm not Parker...
...doesn't mean I'll reveal who I am.
It's called a secret identity.
Besides, Smiley here's
a half-alien Symbiote!
You can't trust those things.
The spider doth protest
too much, we thinks.
Whoops, too hard.
But stay tuned.
We'll be right back
with the unmasking!
All right, all right,
leave the boy alone.
There he is.
Do you think he's really Spidey?
No, I do not.
Perfect. Like you never left.
Good to be home.
Look, I've known Puny Parker
since nursery school.
Man, the dweeb spent sophomore year
stuffed in his locker.
Several students saw him
in a Spider-Man costume.
At the Halloween carnival.
And he looked like a geek
in footie pajamas!
Anyone can suit up
and pretend to be Spidey.
And I can prove it.
Hey, news losers. Here I am.
- There he is.
- What's with the crutches?
Maybe that Venom injured him.
I'm ready to reveal
my true identity as...
Not Parker.
Hey, hey.
web-head walking here.
- You thinking what I'm thinking?
- Yeah. Spidey's gimped up.
We'll never have a better chance
to take him down.
Every time I swear
I'm not Spidey...
...I'm lying to people
I care about.
Maybe I should just admit the truth.
You've fought Spidey.
Any insight on his identity?
Nah, but I hope the Parker kid
is Spider-Man.
Believe me, every guy in the joint
would know what to do with that info.
Back off!
Should've stood in bed,
web-stinker.
Web-stinker? Really?
That's your A material?
This guy's a fake.
That's the real Spidey.
The brains of the outfit.
Hold this for me, genius.
Hey!
Man.
See? Anyone can pretend
to be Spidey...
...and you guys will eat it up.
But there's only one genuine article.
- You mean Peter Parker?
- Yeah. No! This guy!
He's my biggest fan.
Which is sad, really.
We'll show you sad.
A sad little masked superhero...
...soon to have no mask
and no super.
Recognise this? Gene cleanser.
After your identity's revealed,
we'll pour it down your throat.
Then we'll sit back and laugh...
...while all your enemies
attack Peter Parker.
Leaving you powerless
to defend yourself...
...or the ones you love.
So they tell me you and Pete
go way back.
Yeah, we're like brothers.
Should've seen it sooner,
Peter Parker is Spider-Man.
This is gold.
What are those supposed to do?
- Well, they're supposed to hurt.
- Right idea. Wrong calibre.
No.
Well, well.
All our favourite playthings
are here.
- One word, evacuate!
- Move along, girls.
Now, Miss Stacy.
Tasty.
Proceed quickly.
You really think you can hurt
us with that?
Kind of.
That was unpleasant.
Oh, great. Now he's mad.
Thanks. I'll get out of your way now.
You never could score a basket
to save your life.
Just not used to being the ball.
Stupid reporters still think
Puny Parker's Spidey.
Open wide.
Don't be a baby.
It's time to take your medicine.
Hey, dufus!
You got the wrong spider!
Please, you're not fooling--
- Thanks. You did good. Now, book.
- Right. Booking.
We'll take that cleanser now.
Whatever you say, bro.
No!
You can't reject me now.
Don't leave me.
It got away.
Help me get it back. Please!
Eddie, Eddie, it's over.
You're free. You can stop this.
- Stop hating.
- Can't.
It only loves me for the hate.
It'll come back.
You'll see. We're Venom!
- And we'll destroy Spider-Man yet!
- Brock's lost it.
Venom's like twice his size.
Hey, did I mention...
...I received a personal thank you
from Spidey himself?
- You mean, Pete?
- Yeah. No.
Mr. Thompson.
I was having a spot of tea
in the faculty lounge...
...when who should appear
on the telly...
...but a young man in a spidery
sort of costume and crutches.
- Yeah?
- I had no idea...
...you had such hidden talents.
So I have reconsidered your request.
I'd like to offer you the part
of Nick Bottom in our play.
Nick? He's the hero, right?
Oh, he's quite essential, to be sure.
Coach, you got yourself a star.
So maybe now, we can score
some private rehearsal time.
I don't think you'll be needing
much rehearsal.
You just agreed to play Nick Bottom
in A Midsummer Night's Dream.
Trust me, you have that role nailed.
You know I do.
We're missing
a vial of gene cleanser.
I feel I have no choice.
Security has been...
Well, abysmal under your watch.
I'm asking the university board...
...to turn over day-to-day
management of the lab to me.
But Curt built this lab.
- You can't--
- I'm sorry. But I can.
I just have two questions
for you, Betty.
Do you think Peter Parker
is Spider-Man?
And would you go outwith me
Saturday night?
Lee! You've got
exactly eight seconds...
...to show me what you've got
on the web-head!
So that Thompson kid told me about
Pete being at the Halloween carnival.
So I dug up the security footage.
Okay, pause.
This is where the rumor
must have started...
...but come on.
I mean, would the real Spidey...
-...ever show his face in public?
- Thank you.
And thank you, Flash.
That's two I owe you.
Innocent, but still at large.
Guess you can't win them all.
I once thought his whole masked
vigilante thing was problematic.
But I've come to realise...
...that if Spider-Man's true identity
was revealed...
...everyone he cared about
would be in constant danger.
Maybe a man in a mask
doesn't have something to hide...
...but something to protect.
Wouldn't you agree?
Yes, sir.