The Spectacular Spider-Man (2008–2009): Season 2, Episode 6 - Growing Pains - full transcript
Editor J. Jonah Jameson's son John, the astronaut, has been infected by space spores. They give him super-powers, so Jonah fit him a hero costume as Colonel Jupiter, who turns on Spiderman because of crimes committed by the black goo's creation Venom. Meanwhile Spiderman must handle Eddie, who transformed into that monster and threatens Peter to keep him silent, while Harry finds glory in school theatre. Police captain George Stacy believes in Spidey's innocence. The spores prove addictive and Venom betrays Peter's secret.
By the pricking of my thumbs,
Something wicked this way comes.
Sorry. Every crook for himself.
Help! Let me out.
Hey, SPideY!
Back in black, huh? I approve.
What? Hey, hey! Hey!
Presume not that I am the thing I was,
For I have turn'd away my former self,
It's happening again.
Stay calm, colonel.
- Slow, deep breaths.
- Deep breaths?
That's all you got? Help him.
My boy's clothes are shrinking
right off him.
Actually, he's getting bigger.
Not that that helps either.
- I got you,Johnny.
- No, Pop, stay back.
No wonder this lab
goes through funding so quickly.
It's okay. Attack's over.
And, hey, I taught that wall
a thing or two.
Are you joking about this?
Too soon, huh?
This should help.
Why don't you try it
on in my office, carefully.
What's happening to my son?
He was exposed to the alien life form
on the hull of his space shuttle.
Colonel Jameson was infected
by the Symb-- The life form?
Actually, he's infected
with microscopic spores...
...that hitched a ride
on the life form.
The way gum sticks to a shoe.
We've been tracking his condition
for months.
Since entering
the colonel's system...
...the spores have multiplied
exponentially.
Dr. Connors thinks they may have
originated on a high-mass...
-...high-gravity world, like Jupiter.
- I don't care if they're from Jersey.
If those sporks aren't out of my son
in 4.2 seconds, I'll--
It's just not that simple.
My gene cleanser had no effect.
Neither did extreme heat or cold.
I've had limited success destroying
individual spores with electricity...
-...but in the meantime--
- I get to wear the fancy suit.
I hear it's all the rage on Jupiter.
You look like a fool superhero!
The spores are chemically
altering your mass...
...making you heavier, stronger.
This Jupiter suit
will slow you down...
...regulate your heartbeat and help you
function in Earth-normal gravity.
Plus the ladies love
a man in uniform.
It's good to maintain
your sense of humor.
Any personality changes
might imply the spores...
...are chemically altering
your mind, as well.
Hey, Sha Shan.
You didn't come to my party.
Why would I?
What...?
You didn't understand.
See, I invited you as my date.
Don't you know who I am?
Only the best quarterback
M-cubed has ever seen.
The reason the Mustangs
won State.
The hero who threw the winning pass
at cost of life and limb...
I know who you are, Flash.
We're in Bio together.
I've never seen you throw a pass.
But I've seen you set off
the sprinklers in the lab, twice.
Fine, walk away.
You think you're all that.
I can date any girl
I want in this crummy school.
Reputation, reputation, reputation!
O, I have lost
my reputation!
I have lost the immortal part of
myself, and what remains is bestial.
I have to get to the paper,
but I'll drop you at home first.
You mind if I tag along?
I've got a paycheck waiting
at the Bugle.
Sure, kid, get in.
We can split the fare.
Sorry. Guess that's the sound
of me kissing a normal life goodbye.
Been there, kissed that.
Maybe shutting a door on normal
can open a window on--
What are you babbling about,
Parker? He's infected!
It's not contagious. Eyes front.
I'm just saying,
he's been given great power.
Maybe, great responsi--
What?
What?
What?
Spider-Man's back in black
and on a crime spree.
- What?
- I want everyone on it.
Victim stories, eyewitness accounts.
And a headline:
"Oh, What a Tangled Web
We Weave!"
I've finally got what I need...
...to take the web-head down.
Hold the front page, Robbie.
I'll call you back.
- You can take the web-head down.
- Excuse me?
Look at you, boy.
You got the costume. The powers.
All you need is a hokey name,
Captain Mass.
No, that's too hokey. Strong-Man.
That's too generic.
Sky Colonel... Colonel Jupiter!
That's it!
But, Pop, you hate superheroes.
- When did I say that?
- Every hour, on the hour?
I hate masked heroes.
What are they hiding, anyway?
But you're an astronaut!
The world already knows
and loves you. You love him, right?
Johnny boy, you can be the one
to bring Spider-Man to justice.
- But what if Spidey's innocent?
- Don't confuse the issue.
I can't believe someones posing
as me, framing me, again.
Please be Chameleon.
Please be Chameleon. Please be...
Can you move?
Can you unlock the door?
You again?
Not again. See, I'm the real--
Like looking in a mirror, bro.
The funhouse kind.
Why strew'st thou sugar
on that bottled spider,
Whose deadly web
ensnareth thee about?
Fool, fool!
The day will come to curse
this venomous bunch-back'd toad.
O villain, villain,
smiling curséd villain!
That one might smile, and smile,
and be a villain,
Go villain!
Yeah!
Bro, it's been too long.
Better call it in, get help.
Wait, I am help.
Come on, Jameson,
you're not seriously thinking about...
...leaping tall buildings
in a single bound?
Colonel Jupiter, away!
So I'm a little confused.
Do you wanna frame me
or squash me?
You make it sound
so complicated.
All we want is to destroy
every single aspect of your life.
Is that so wrong?
Help me!
Over here!
Can I take a pain check?
I have actual human beings to save.
No go, bro.
When we're done,
the whole world will hate you.
Almost as much as we do.
Hi, I'm Colonel Jupiter.
I saw the fire, thought I could help.
Thank you, young man.
- Glad I could help.
- Help!
This way. Stay low. Come on.
That's it, one at a time.
No ticket required.
Mom!
- Who are you?
- Colonel Jupiter, ma'am.
Mom!
Happy to be of service.
- Is there anyone in here?
- Get lost!
I'm afraid I can't do that,
Mister...
-...Parrot.
- Get lost! Get lost!
Get lost!
- You good?
- Yeah.
- Enjoying the hero thing?
- Oh, yeah.
You know, we should think
about making this a regular thing.
Half as many Ock arms.
The Sinister Six divided into
the Manageable Threes.
- I could get used to--
- There he is.
Spider-Man made me crash.
The fire's his fault!
Then what, I stopped for a quick
change of clothes? It wasn't me.
I'll help you explain it to the police.
And answer a few easy questions like,
"What's my name"?
- No, thanks.
- It'll be okay.
Don't fight me on this.
Sorry, gotta swing!
But let's do the team-up thing
again sometime.
Petey, have you been smoking?
What? No, I'd never smoke.
I would, however, put my Spidey-suit
on without washing it first.
Gross.
Say something, please.
I'll see you in class.
Sweet.
Do you smell barbecue?
Sha Shan Nguyen.
She's like totally immune
to the Flash.
- Because she's got a brain?
- Exactly!
So you're gonna tell me
how to make her go out with me.
Me? Why me?
Because A, somehow you got Gwen
and Liz to like your scrawny butt...
...and two, if you tell anyone...
...you'll spend the rest of junior year
stuffed in that locker.
I guess you could try taking an interest
in the things she likes.
Drama, huh?
How hard could it be?
'Doubt thou the stars are fire,
Doubt that the sun doth move,
Doubt truth to be a liar,
But never doubt I love.
Such spirit. Such passion.
Now, that's the kind of audition
I like to see.
Thank you, my dear.
The cast list
will be posted tomorrow. Next.
QB1 is ready for his try-out.
You'll have to wait your turn.
Doesn't anybody know who I am?
The strange
web of crime continues...
...as Spider-Man
defaced City Hall...
If Spidey wasn't responsible,
then why did he run?
You're making a big mistake,
web-head!
Stacy, you have one second to explain
why Spider-Menace isn't behind bars.
Pleasure to see you too, Jonah.
Maybe, I can help.
You heard about this
Colonel Jupiter?
You mean your son?
Well, that's beside the point.
What's the point? Here's the point.
He single-handedly rescued
a billion people...
...from a fire covering
90 city blocks.
Deputize him...
...and he'll have the web-head
on a chain gang in 5.1 seconds.
But which web-head, Jonah?
This is a recent security tape.
And this is older footage.
Look, the fighting style,
the suit, the build...
-...they're all different.
- The camera adds ten pounds.
That bug's still terrorizing our city.
This isn't the first time
the Bugle got it wrong...
...when a copycat dressed up
as the web-slinger.
Now, you really wanna embarrass
yourself and your paper, again?
- John?
- You were right about Spider-Man...
...all along, Pop.
But I'll crush him.
Well, see, the cops aren't 110 percent
sure the real Spidey's the problem.
For now, why don't you save
some cats, kiss a couple of babies.
- The city will eat it up.
- No!
Spider-Man's mine!
And I'm gonna stop him,
permanently!
Johnny,Johnny,
that's the sporks talking.
- They're confusing your brain.
- Colonel Jupiter is not confused.
Come on, Venom, where are you?
Spider-Man!
Hey, Colonel!
I'm glad you're here.
I could use a little help--
O, it is excellent
To have a giant's strength,
but it is tyrannous
To use it like a giant.
Easy, Colonel. Look, I'm sorry
about that little dust-up...
-...after the fire, but--
- Who are you kidding?
You can't trick me
by switching costumes.
There aren't two bugs
in this city shooting webs.
Oh, believe me, I've got my
trademark lawyers working on that--
The spores must have altered
his brain chemistry.
That's it. Doc Connors said
electricity only had limited success...
...destroying the spores...
...but maybe the problem
was limited electricity.
Just need to lure him
to the nearest major source of juice.
Hey, Colonel Stupider!
Is it true you're getting denser
by the minute?
Plan's working.
You can't run forever, web-head.
My least favourite part of the plan.
Now you'll learn the true meaning
of power.
You want power?
Try two million volts.
"I Will be brief:
your noble son is mad:
Mad call I it,
for, to define true madness,
What is't to be nothing else but mad?"
This is supposed to be English?
The spores are completely out
of your son's system.
He should eventually be able
to resume a normal life.
I miss the power. I need it.
I have to get the power back.
Give me back the power.
Give it back.
Must get the power.
Must the power...
I'm gonna get the power.
We'll give you some time alone.
Don't know anyone named Max.
My name's Electro.
- Electro, I tell you!
- Another one of yours?
All right, slowly, no pushing.
Oh, Glory, we're in.
- Thank you, Shakespeare.
- You too, Kenny.
- Tight.
- Harry, you got a lead.
- Congratula--
- Yeah, thanks, just a sec, okay?
Dad? Dad I got the lead
in the play.
Plus, I have a girlfriend now.
Did you just say
you're proud of me?
I have to find Venom.
It's not safe for Gwen
or anyone I care about.
I miss the Colonel already.
Petey, I'm in. I made the cast.
That's great.
Hey, you made it. Cool.
Suppose this means
we'll be seeing a lot of each other.
That seems unlikely.
Since you aren't on the list.
What?
Obviously, the director's incapable
of recognizing our natural charisma.
I'm so stuffing Parker in a locker.
This is all Spider-Man's fault.
He destroyed my son.
If I ever get my hands
on that wall-crawler, I'll--
You want the wall-crawler?
- No!
- Then here's a scoop...
...Peter Parker is Spider-Man.
Something wicked this way comes.
Sorry. Every crook for himself.
Help! Let me out.
Hey, SPideY!
Back in black, huh? I approve.
What? Hey, hey! Hey!
Presume not that I am the thing I was,
For I have turn'd away my former self,
It's happening again.
Stay calm, colonel.
- Slow, deep breaths.
- Deep breaths?
That's all you got? Help him.
My boy's clothes are shrinking
right off him.
Actually, he's getting bigger.
Not that that helps either.
- I got you,Johnny.
- No, Pop, stay back.
No wonder this lab
goes through funding so quickly.
It's okay. Attack's over.
And, hey, I taught that wall
a thing or two.
Are you joking about this?
Too soon, huh?
This should help.
Why don't you try it
on in my office, carefully.
What's happening to my son?
He was exposed to the alien life form
on the hull of his space shuttle.
Colonel Jameson was infected
by the Symb-- The life form?
Actually, he's infected
with microscopic spores...
...that hitched a ride
on the life form.
The way gum sticks to a shoe.
We've been tracking his condition
for months.
Since entering
the colonel's system...
...the spores have multiplied
exponentially.
Dr. Connors thinks they may have
originated on a high-mass...
-...high-gravity world, like Jupiter.
- I don't care if they're from Jersey.
If those sporks aren't out of my son
in 4.2 seconds, I'll--
It's just not that simple.
My gene cleanser had no effect.
Neither did extreme heat or cold.
I've had limited success destroying
individual spores with electricity...
-...but in the meantime--
- I get to wear the fancy suit.
I hear it's all the rage on Jupiter.
You look like a fool superhero!
The spores are chemically
altering your mass...
...making you heavier, stronger.
This Jupiter suit
will slow you down...
...regulate your heartbeat and help you
function in Earth-normal gravity.
Plus the ladies love
a man in uniform.
It's good to maintain
your sense of humor.
Any personality changes
might imply the spores...
...are chemically altering
your mind, as well.
Hey, Sha Shan.
You didn't come to my party.
Why would I?
What...?
You didn't understand.
See, I invited you as my date.
Don't you know who I am?
Only the best quarterback
M-cubed has ever seen.
The reason the Mustangs
won State.
The hero who threw the winning pass
at cost of life and limb...
I know who you are, Flash.
We're in Bio together.
I've never seen you throw a pass.
But I've seen you set off
the sprinklers in the lab, twice.
Fine, walk away.
You think you're all that.
I can date any girl
I want in this crummy school.
Reputation, reputation, reputation!
O, I have lost
my reputation!
I have lost the immortal part of
myself, and what remains is bestial.
I have to get to the paper,
but I'll drop you at home first.
You mind if I tag along?
I've got a paycheck waiting
at the Bugle.
Sure, kid, get in.
We can split the fare.
Sorry. Guess that's the sound
of me kissing a normal life goodbye.
Been there, kissed that.
Maybe shutting a door on normal
can open a window on--
What are you babbling about,
Parker? He's infected!
It's not contagious. Eyes front.
I'm just saying,
he's been given great power.
Maybe, great responsi--
What?
What?
What?
Spider-Man's back in black
and on a crime spree.
- What?
- I want everyone on it.
Victim stories, eyewitness accounts.
And a headline:
"Oh, What a Tangled Web
We Weave!"
I've finally got what I need...
...to take the web-head down.
Hold the front page, Robbie.
I'll call you back.
- You can take the web-head down.
- Excuse me?
Look at you, boy.
You got the costume. The powers.
All you need is a hokey name,
Captain Mass.
No, that's too hokey. Strong-Man.
That's too generic.
Sky Colonel... Colonel Jupiter!
That's it!
But, Pop, you hate superheroes.
- When did I say that?
- Every hour, on the hour?
I hate masked heroes.
What are they hiding, anyway?
But you're an astronaut!
The world already knows
and loves you. You love him, right?
Johnny boy, you can be the one
to bring Spider-Man to justice.
- But what if Spidey's innocent?
- Don't confuse the issue.
I can't believe someones posing
as me, framing me, again.
Please be Chameleon.
Please be Chameleon. Please be...
Can you move?
Can you unlock the door?
You again?
Not again. See, I'm the real--
Like looking in a mirror, bro.
The funhouse kind.
Why strew'st thou sugar
on that bottled spider,
Whose deadly web
ensnareth thee about?
Fool, fool!
The day will come to curse
this venomous bunch-back'd toad.
O villain, villain,
smiling curséd villain!
That one might smile, and smile,
and be a villain,
Go villain!
Yeah!
Bro, it's been too long.
Better call it in, get help.
Wait, I am help.
Come on, Jameson,
you're not seriously thinking about...
...leaping tall buildings
in a single bound?
Colonel Jupiter, away!
So I'm a little confused.
Do you wanna frame me
or squash me?
You make it sound
so complicated.
All we want is to destroy
every single aspect of your life.
Is that so wrong?
Help me!
Over here!
Can I take a pain check?
I have actual human beings to save.
No go, bro.
When we're done,
the whole world will hate you.
Almost as much as we do.
Hi, I'm Colonel Jupiter.
I saw the fire, thought I could help.
Thank you, young man.
- Glad I could help.
- Help!
This way. Stay low. Come on.
That's it, one at a time.
No ticket required.
Mom!
- Who are you?
- Colonel Jupiter, ma'am.
Mom!
Happy to be of service.
- Is there anyone in here?
- Get lost!
I'm afraid I can't do that,
Mister...
-...Parrot.
- Get lost! Get lost!
Get lost!
- You good?
- Yeah.
- Enjoying the hero thing?
- Oh, yeah.
You know, we should think
about making this a regular thing.
Half as many Ock arms.
The Sinister Six divided into
the Manageable Threes.
- I could get used to--
- There he is.
Spider-Man made me crash.
The fire's his fault!
Then what, I stopped for a quick
change of clothes? It wasn't me.
I'll help you explain it to the police.
And answer a few easy questions like,
"What's my name"?
- No, thanks.
- It'll be okay.
Don't fight me on this.
Sorry, gotta swing!
But let's do the team-up thing
again sometime.
Petey, have you been smoking?
What? No, I'd never smoke.
I would, however, put my Spidey-suit
on without washing it first.
Gross.
Say something, please.
I'll see you in class.
Sweet.
Do you smell barbecue?
Sha Shan Nguyen.
She's like totally immune
to the Flash.
- Because she's got a brain?
- Exactly!
So you're gonna tell me
how to make her go out with me.
Me? Why me?
Because A, somehow you got Gwen
and Liz to like your scrawny butt...
...and two, if you tell anyone...
...you'll spend the rest of junior year
stuffed in that locker.
I guess you could try taking an interest
in the things she likes.
Drama, huh?
How hard could it be?
'Doubt thou the stars are fire,
Doubt that the sun doth move,
Doubt truth to be a liar,
But never doubt I love.
Such spirit. Such passion.
Now, that's the kind of audition
I like to see.
Thank you, my dear.
The cast list
will be posted tomorrow. Next.
QB1 is ready for his try-out.
You'll have to wait your turn.
Doesn't anybody know who I am?
The strange
web of crime continues...
...as Spider-Man
defaced City Hall...
If Spidey wasn't responsible,
then why did he run?
You're making a big mistake,
web-head!
Stacy, you have one second to explain
why Spider-Menace isn't behind bars.
Pleasure to see you too, Jonah.
Maybe, I can help.
You heard about this
Colonel Jupiter?
You mean your son?
Well, that's beside the point.
What's the point? Here's the point.
He single-handedly rescued
a billion people...
...from a fire covering
90 city blocks.
Deputize him...
...and he'll have the web-head
on a chain gang in 5.1 seconds.
But which web-head, Jonah?
This is a recent security tape.
And this is older footage.
Look, the fighting style,
the suit, the build...
-...they're all different.
- The camera adds ten pounds.
That bug's still terrorizing our city.
This isn't the first time
the Bugle got it wrong...
...when a copycat dressed up
as the web-slinger.
Now, you really wanna embarrass
yourself and your paper, again?
- John?
- You were right about Spider-Man...
...all along, Pop.
But I'll crush him.
Well, see, the cops aren't 110 percent
sure the real Spidey's the problem.
For now, why don't you save
some cats, kiss a couple of babies.
- The city will eat it up.
- No!
Spider-Man's mine!
And I'm gonna stop him,
permanently!
Johnny,Johnny,
that's the sporks talking.
- They're confusing your brain.
- Colonel Jupiter is not confused.
Come on, Venom, where are you?
Spider-Man!
Hey, Colonel!
I'm glad you're here.
I could use a little help--
O, it is excellent
To have a giant's strength,
but it is tyrannous
To use it like a giant.
Easy, Colonel. Look, I'm sorry
about that little dust-up...
-...after the fire, but--
- Who are you kidding?
You can't trick me
by switching costumes.
There aren't two bugs
in this city shooting webs.
Oh, believe me, I've got my
trademark lawyers working on that--
The spores must have altered
his brain chemistry.
That's it. Doc Connors said
electricity only had limited success...
...destroying the spores...
...but maybe the problem
was limited electricity.
Just need to lure him
to the nearest major source of juice.
Hey, Colonel Stupider!
Is it true you're getting denser
by the minute?
Plan's working.
You can't run forever, web-head.
My least favourite part of the plan.
Now you'll learn the true meaning
of power.
You want power?
Try two million volts.
"I Will be brief:
your noble son is mad:
Mad call I it,
for, to define true madness,
What is't to be nothing else but mad?"
This is supposed to be English?
The spores are completely out
of your son's system.
He should eventually be able
to resume a normal life.
I miss the power. I need it.
I have to get the power back.
Give me back the power.
Give it back.
Must get the power.
Must the power...
I'm gonna get the power.
We'll give you some time alone.
Don't know anyone named Max.
My name's Electro.
- Electro, I tell you!
- Another one of yours?
All right, slowly, no pushing.
Oh, Glory, we're in.
- Thank you, Shakespeare.
- You too, Kenny.
- Tight.
- Harry, you got a lead.
- Congratula--
- Yeah, thanks, just a sec, okay?
Dad? Dad I got the lead
in the play.
Plus, I have a girlfriend now.
Did you just say
you're proud of me?
I have to find Venom.
It's not safe for Gwen
or anyone I care about.
I miss the Colonel already.
Petey, I'm in. I made the cast.
That's great.
Hey, you made it. Cool.
Suppose this means
we'll be seeing a lot of each other.
That seems unlikely.
Since you aren't on the list.
What?
Obviously, the director's incapable
of recognizing our natural charisma.
I'm so stuffing Parker in a locker.
This is all Spider-Man's fault.
He destroyed my son.
If I ever get my hands
on that wall-crawler, I'll--
You want the wall-crawler?
- No!
- Then here's a scoop...
...Peter Parker is Spider-Man.