The Spectacular Spider-Man (2008–2009): Season 1, Episode 3 - Natural Selection - full transcript
Peter does a great job arresting shop robbers, bus ruins his self-pictures. When Dr. Curt Connors injects himself with lizard DNA to regenerate his arm, that works. Actually, too well: he soon transforms into a dino-like monster, whose instinct spares nobody, except his son Billy. Peter's uncomfortable secret-identity-handicap now spills from bully-abuse at school to utter injustice in his lab job.
All right, grab all the cash
from the register and safe...
...but don't eat nothing.
Mrs. M's my great-auntie.
So you'll rob the piggy bank,
but won't touch the cookie jar?
You must qualify
for Nephew of the Year.
- Twisted division.
- Spider-Man. Get him.
"Spider-Man. Get him."
Really? Is that the best you got?
I go to all this trouble to turn you
into famous Spider-perps.
The least you could do
is keep things interesting. I always do.
I'm really quite creative.
Now, let's review that to-do list.
Stopped the crime: Check.
Took pictures of my web-slinging self
to win the Daily Bugle's photo contest:
Check, check.
Hightail it home before curfew:
Check, check, check.
Yup, for once,
I'm making all the right moves.
All the smart choices.
- Curt?
- Yeah. Right there, hon.
All these bills.
I'm home.
And before 10, thank you very much.
Peter, making your curfew
with only seconds to spare...
...is hardly cause for celebration.
Aunt May, don't stress, okay?
I know you've been struggling
to make ends meet.
But that's all about to change.
Believe me.
Billy's reading about lizards?
He wanted to know
about those new skinks at the lab.
He's a Connors.
Come on, let's go to bed.
Yup, Aunt May's troubles are over.
That Bugle prize money is as good as--
No. The window caught the flash.
They're all useless.
Curt, what is it?
I can't believe it.
It worked.
What worked? What did you--?
Curt, tell me you didn't use
that lizard DNA formula.
Some lizards regenerate lost limbs.
And some lizards stick to walls
and eat raw meat.
- That doesn't mean you risk your life--
- Look at the results.
Don't you see what this means?
To me? To the world?
- We can literally heal millions.
- Mom?
Dad?
- Hey, partner.
- Whoa, Dad, your arm.
There's Parker.
This is perfect.
By the time we're through...
...he'll be a shivering, wet rat.
I mean, more than usual.
Dude, you missed.
Dumb luck. Jerk's lousy with it.
Hey, Puny Parker.
What?
Check out Parker.
- They didn't nail him once.
- How'd he do that?
Oh, secret identities reek.
Come on, quarterback,
can't you complete a single--?
Yeah.
Move, geekette, or you're next.
Please, you haven't got the game.
If you could hit a target,
would we have lost to Bronx Tech?
You choked like a cat with a hairball.
Yeah.
Dude, you want some aloe vera
for that burn?
Come on, Einsteins.
Anything's better
than just standing there and taking it.
Excuse me?
Standing there and taking it
is Nerd Survival 101.
- Besides, I got bigger problems.
- Still no Spider-Man pictures, huh?
Counting on winning that prize money
for your aunt might not be--
What am I supposed to do?
I never asked to be broke,
or semi-grounded...
...or smart enough to be
Flash's drenching boy.
You stop right there.
I'm so not letting you
wish away your big brain.
If it's so big,
how come it can't solve my problems?
Big, but unripe.
Give it time, Cantaloupe Boy.
About time.
The Connors are due back any minute.
- Here, bro. We've still got cleaning--
- Save it for later.
First, we celebrate.
Cake.
- Chocolate.
- Chocolate.
What exactly are we celebrat--?
Your hand. Your right hand.
You can do it. You can do it.
Gotcha.
- Sorry.
- What, are you kidding?
Do you know how thrilled I am
to lose at arm-wrestling?
Doc, this is huge.
Your lizard formula's the cure...
...for, like, every lost limb
and amputation in the world.
We're talking
guaranteed Nobel Prize.
Slow down, Eddie.
Bad enough my husband
used himself as a guinea--
Billy, Eddie installed
"Space Wackos ll" on the computer.
"Wackos"? Wicked.
If you're gonna crank the volume,
close the door, please.
- Take off your shirt, dear.
- What, are you kidding?
It's freezing in here.
All right.
What?
Lizard DNA is more primitive
than human...
...and the reptilian part
of your brain is growing.
It's growing. I'm regressing.
I can feel the change.
Curt, please.
You need to keep a clear head.
No, you need to hurry.
I'm losing control.
The formula creates new reptile
sequences faster than I can ID them.
I don't know
how we'll knock them down.
Wait, bro.
What if we work from the other end?
Create a human DNA filter...
...that knocks out the lizard code?
Like the noise filter on a phone.
- Yeah, nice try, bro, but--
- No, wait.
That could work.
A gene cleanser.
Yes. Yes, of course.
I should've seen it before.
My notes.
They'll have all the data we need.
So it'll remove any nonhuman DNA.
Even spider.
Hey, Billy.
How long were you listening?
- I don't wanna talk about that.
- Okay.
What do you wanna talk about?
The book says some lizards lay
hundreds of eggs...
...and never see them hatch.
Most of the babies
get eaten by predators.
And the parents don't even care...
...because they've only got
lizard brains.
Billy, trust me.
Your dad will always care about you.
Even if he turns into a monster?
Curt.
I've made a terrible mistake.
Curt.
Curt, do you recognize me?
Doc, stop. We just wanna--
- Eddie.
- Finish the gene cleanser.
I'll follow the doc
and call in with a location.
I should get going too. Aunt May will
ground me if I'm not home by 10.
Pete, you can't leave now.
We have to help.
Well, I just--
I can't be late. She worries.
Peter, wait.
- How could he just...?
- I guess...
I guess he's scared.
First Electro, now this.
It's overwhelming.
- And he's only 16.
- I'm 16.
I know. And thank you.
Now, if I were a 6'5" lizard
instead of a 5'6" spider...
...where would I hide?
What is that thing?
Duh, underground.
Don't panic. Just head for the exit.
Sorry, pal, no eating in the subway.
Dr. Connors, we have to get you
back to the lab, understand?
Dr. C, you in there?
Okay, maybe not.
Can you say halitosis?
I knew that you could.
Okay, doc, this is gonna hurt me
more than it hurts you.
Oh, yeah.
Definitely hurts me more than you.
Watch that third rail, web-head.
Okay, Lizzie. Where'd you get to now?
Hey, wall-crawling's my shtick.
Hey, you start spinning a web
and I'll sue.
Number 2 Express to the Bronx.
Please stand clear
of the closing doors.
Anyone get the number of that--?
What?
Okay, you big, dumb gecko.
So much for plan A.
We're done?
I think so.
It all squares with Curt's research.
There's only one way to test it,
and since Curt's hide is so thick...
...we'll have to find a way
to make him.
Maybe by asking for help
from a guy in a spider onesie?
- Spider-Man.
- Spider-Man.
- I get that reaction a lot.
- How did you know we needed you?
My spider-sense was tingling?
- Hello?
- It's me. He's at the Bronx Zoo.
Tell your friend to stay clear
of the Lizard.
I'm on my way.
- Was that--?
- Our local hero.
He'll be there. I'll be right behind.
- Gwen, can you stay with Billy?
- Of course.
Dr. Connors.
I get that reaction a lot too.
I think he's in there
with the other creepy-crawlies.
Must've smelled them or something.
Good. Stay put.
Like a sauna in here.
And me without my Spidey trunks.
Gotcha.
Oh, perfect.
In-laws.
I thought I told you to stay put.
- You're complaining?
- No way, bro--
Guy. Look, we need a new strategy.
Lizzie's not
in a medicine-taking mood.
Not when he's so enjoying
his play date in the heated pool.
Wait a minute.
The fake swamp was heated...
...but dunk a cold-blooded reptile
in freezing water and he'll slow up.
Right. Slow enough for someone...
...to force a little gene cleanser
down his throat.
But first you need to get him here
with lizard bait.
- Don't even think about--
- My choice. Try to stop me.
I'm impressed, bro.
Okay, prep time.
First, make sure the polar bears
don't take a midnight swim.
Check. Next, find the perfect spot
to bounce Lizard into the drink.
Check, check.
Perfect angle.
And now for the crucial element
of surprise.
Dad, stop!
You don't have to be a lizard.
You're still my dad.
- Did you skateboard here?
- I took a cab, duh.
Brought you a present, Lizzie.
Gene cleanser. Guaranteed to remove
your toughest stains.
Grease, mustard, even lizard DNA.
Pictures and everything.
But who could've taken these?
Check the byline.
Did you see?
There's no shots of Billy...
...or Dr. Connors
to prove that he was the Lizard.
And that's supposed to--
Bro, you ditched the antidote effort
to win a contest.
Eddie, it's all right.
Besides, I'm not exactly in a position
to throw stones.
Peter, you're young.
And faced with difficult choices...
...young people sometimes
make mistakes.
- Thanks for understanding, I--
- I understand you.
But I can't trust you.
You're fired.
I never asked to be Spider-Man.
And I never asked for these powers.
I never knew it would mean
a bashed up hand...
...a hard 9 p.m. curfew, no job
and friends who all think I'm scum.
It was all just a twist of fate.
Bad luck. A random bug bite.
Easiest decision I ever made.
Except... Except I saved them.
Spider-Man's no magic wand,
but thanks to the web-head...
...Curt's cured,
and Billy gets his father back.
So what if nobody threw a parade?
Spidey stays
because Spidey's needed.
For now, anyway.
from the register and safe...
...but don't eat nothing.
Mrs. M's my great-auntie.
So you'll rob the piggy bank,
but won't touch the cookie jar?
You must qualify
for Nephew of the Year.
- Twisted division.
- Spider-Man. Get him.
"Spider-Man. Get him."
Really? Is that the best you got?
I go to all this trouble to turn you
into famous Spider-perps.
The least you could do
is keep things interesting. I always do.
I'm really quite creative.
Now, let's review that to-do list.
Stopped the crime: Check.
Took pictures of my web-slinging self
to win the Daily Bugle's photo contest:
Check, check.
Hightail it home before curfew:
Check, check, check.
Yup, for once,
I'm making all the right moves.
All the smart choices.
- Curt?
- Yeah. Right there, hon.
All these bills.
I'm home.
And before 10, thank you very much.
Peter, making your curfew
with only seconds to spare...
...is hardly cause for celebration.
Aunt May, don't stress, okay?
I know you've been struggling
to make ends meet.
But that's all about to change.
Believe me.
Billy's reading about lizards?
He wanted to know
about those new skinks at the lab.
He's a Connors.
Come on, let's go to bed.
Yup, Aunt May's troubles are over.
That Bugle prize money is as good as--
No. The window caught the flash.
They're all useless.
Curt, what is it?
I can't believe it.
It worked.
What worked? What did you--?
Curt, tell me you didn't use
that lizard DNA formula.
Some lizards regenerate lost limbs.
And some lizards stick to walls
and eat raw meat.
- That doesn't mean you risk your life--
- Look at the results.
Don't you see what this means?
To me? To the world?
- We can literally heal millions.
- Mom?
Dad?
- Hey, partner.
- Whoa, Dad, your arm.
There's Parker.
This is perfect.
By the time we're through...
...he'll be a shivering, wet rat.
I mean, more than usual.
Dude, you missed.
Dumb luck. Jerk's lousy with it.
Hey, Puny Parker.
What?
Check out Parker.
- They didn't nail him once.
- How'd he do that?
Oh, secret identities reek.
Come on, quarterback,
can't you complete a single--?
Yeah.
Move, geekette, or you're next.
Please, you haven't got the game.
If you could hit a target,
would we have lost to Bronx Tech?
You choked like a cat with a hairball.
Yeah.
Dude, you want some aloe vera
for that burn?
Come on, Einsteins.
Anything's better
than just standing there and taking it.
Excuse me?
Standing there and taking it
is Nerd Survival 101.
- Besides, I got bigger problems.
- Still no Spider-Man pictures, huh?
Counting on winning that prize money
for your aunt might not be--
What am I supposed to do?
I never asked to be broke,
or semi-grounded...
...or smart enough to be
Flash's drenching boy.
You stop right there.
I'm so not letting you
wish away your big brain.
If it's so big,
how come it can't solve my problems?
Big, but unripe.
Give it time, Cantaloupe Boy.
About time.
The Connors are due back any minute.
- Here, bro. We've still got cleaning--
- Save it for later.
First, we celebrate.
Cake.
- Chocolate.
- Chocolate.
What exactly are we celebrat--?
Your hand. Your right hand.
You can do it. You can do it.
Gotcha.
- Sorry.
- What, are you kidding?
Do you know how thrilled I am
to lose at arm-wrestling?
Doc, this is huge.
Your lizard formula's the cure...
...for, like, every lost limb
and amputation in the world.
We're talking
guaranteed Nobel Prize.
Slow down, Eddie.
Bad enough my husband
used himself as a guinea--
Billy, Eddie installed
"Space Wackos ll" on the computer.
"Wackos"? Wicked.
If you're gonna crank the volume,
close the door, please.
- Take off your shirt, dear.
- What, are you kidding?
It's freezing in here.
All right.
What?
Lizard DNA is more primitive
than human...
...and the reptilian part
of your brain is growing.
It's growing. I'm regressing.
I can feel the change.
Curt, please.
You need to keep a clear head.
No, you need to hurry.
I'm losing control.
The formula creates new reptile
sequences faster than I can ID them.
I don't know
how we'll knock them down.
Wait, bro.
What if we work from the other end?
Create a human DNA filter...
...that knocks out the lizard code?
Like the noise filter on a phone.
- Yeah, nice try, bro, but--
- No, wait.
That could work.
A gene cleanser.
Yes. Yes, of course.
I should've seen it before.
My notes.
They'll have all the data we need.
So it'll remove any nonhuman DNA.
Even spider.
Hey, Billy.
How long were you listening?
- I don't wanna talk about that.
- Okay.
What do you wanna talk about?
The book says some lizards lay
hundreds of eggs...
...and never see them hatch.
Most of the babies
get eaten by predators.
And the parents don't even care...
...because they've only got
lizard brains.
Billy, trust me.
Your dad will always care about you.
Even if he turns into a monster?
Curt.
I've made a terrible mistake.
Curt.
Curt, do you recognize me?
Doc, stop. We just wanna--
- Eddie.
- Finish the gene cleanser.
I'll follow the doc
and call in with a location.
I should get going too. Aunt May will
ground me if I'm not home by 10.
Pete, you can't leave now.
We have to help.
Well, I just--
I can't be late. She worries.
Peter, wait.
- How could he just...?
- I guess...
I guess he's scared.
First Electro, now this.
It's overwhelming.
- And he's only 16.
- I'm 16.
I know. And thank you.
Now, if I were a 6'5" lizard
instead of a 5'6" spider...
...where would I hide?
What is that thing?
Duh, underground.
Don't panic. Just head for the exit.
Sorry, pal, no eating in the subway.
Dr. Connors, we have to get you
back to the lab, understand?
Dr. C, you in there?
Okay, maybe not.
Can you say halitosis?
I knew that you could.
Okay, doc, this is gonna hurt me
more than it hurts you.
Oh, yeah.
Definitely hurts me more than you.
Watch that third rail, web-head.
Okay, Lizzie. Where'd you get to now?
Hey, wall-crawling's my shtick.
Hey, you start spinning a web
and I'll sue.
Number 2 Express to the Bronx.
Please stand clear
of the closing doors.
Anyone get the number of that--?
What?
Okay, you big, dumb gecko.
So much for plan A.
We're done?
I think so.
It all squares with Curt's research.
There's only one way to test it,
and since Curt's hide is so thick...
...we'll have to find a way
to make him.
Maybe by asking for help
from a guy in a spider onesie?
- Spider-Man.
- Spider-Man.
- I get that reaction a lot.
- How did you know we needed you?
My spider-sense was tingling?
- Hello?
- It's me. He's at the Bronx Zoo.
Tell your friend to stay clear
of the Lizard.
I'm on my way.
- Was that--?
- Our local hero.
He'll be there. I'll be right behind.
- Gwen, can you stay with Billy?
- Of course.
Dr. Connors.
I get that reaction a lot too.
I think he's in there
with the other creepy-crawlies.
Must've smelled them or something.
Good. Stay put.
Like a sauna in here.
And me without my Spidey trunks.
Gotcha.
Oh, perfect.
In-laws.
I thought I told you to stay put.
- You're complaining?
- No way, bro--
Guy. Look, we need a new strategy.
Lizzie's not
in a medicine-taking mood.
Not when he's so enjoying
his play date in the heated pool.
Wait a minute.
The fake swamp was heated...
...but dunk a cold-blooded reptile
in freezing water and he'll slow up.
Right. Slow enough for someone...
...to force a little gene cleanser
down his throat.
But first you need to get him here
with lizard bait.
- Don't even think about--
- My choice. Try to stop me.
I'm impressed, bro.
Okay, prep time.
First, make sure the polar bears
don't take a midnight swim.
Check. Next, find the perfect spot
to bounce Lizard into the drink.
Check, check.
Perfect angle.
And now for the crucial element
of surprise.
Dad, stop!
You don't have to be a lizard.
You're still my dad.
- Did you skateboard here?
- I took a cab, duh.
Brought you a present, Lizzie.
Gene cleanser. Guaranteed to remove
your toughest stains.
Grease, mustard, even lizard DNA.
Pictures and everything.
But who could've taken these?
Check the byline.
Did you see?
There's no shots of Billy...
...or Dr. Connors
to prove that he was the Lizard.
And that's supposed to--
Bro, you ditched the antidote effort
to win a contest.
Eddie, it's all right.
Besides, I'm not exactly in a position
to throw stones.
Peter, you're young.
And faced with difficult choices...
...young people sometimes
make mistakes.
- Thanks for understanding, I--
- I understand you.
But I can't trust you.
You're fired.
I never asked to be Spider-Man.
And I never asked for these powers.
I never knew it would mean
a bashed up hand...
...a hard 9 p.m. curfew, no job
and friends who all think I'm scum.
It was all just a twist of fate.
Bad luck. A random bug bite.
Easiest decision I ever made.
Except... Except I saved them.
Spider-Man's no magic wand,
but thanks to the web-head...
...Curt's cured,
and Billy gets his father back.
So what if nobody threw a parade?
Spidey stays
because Spidey's needed.
For now, anyway.