The Spectacular Spider-Man (2008–2009): Season 1, Episode 10 - Persona - full transcript

What did I miss?

Aunt May, I can't believe
you don't have it on.

They discover alien life
and you're not watching?

Oh, Peter,
aliens are bug-eyed monsters who say:

"Take me to your leader."

This is a mud stain
on the space shuttle.

Not mud. Organic mud. Living mud.
From outer space.

NASA's not releasing images, but if
we zoom in on this shot of the shuttle--

Right there. On the hull.
That dark patch is extraterrestrial life.

Primitive, obviously, but organic.

Earlier today the alien life-form
was flown to Empire State University...



...where it will be studied by
top biogeneticist Dr. Curtis Connors.

Yes! An in.

I hope.

Hello? That's right, bro.

The ooze has landed,
and Dr. C is back in the game.

He's been kind of lost
since the Lizard thing.

Discontinued most of our research,
but we're back in business again.

- I have to see it. Can you hook me up?
- No go, bro. Dr. Martha has spoken.

No visitors, no reporters...

...and for sure no photographers
she already knows she can't trust.

As usual, Peter Parker's out of luck.

But maybe Spider-Man's not.

After all, Spidey's got a zoom lens,
and the lab has a skylight.

And now a peek at our strange visitor.



And our strange visitor's visitor.

A school locker has better security.

Perfect. I stop a crime in progress...

...get pictures for the Bugle
of me and a hot cat burglar...

...and slap my peepers on the ooze.
Hat trick.

Come to kitty.

I never thought I'd be rescuing the icky
alien from the beautiful damsel.

Well, I do believe it's Spider-Man.

Easy, cat lady. I don't want a fight.

Name's Black Cat.
And cats don't fight spiders.

We just bat them around.

Better not get your goop in my hair.

Don't worry.
It comes off with peanut butter.

Lovely. You've got
a sweet little skill-set, there, Spidey.

You want in on this gig?
We could split the take.

Gig? Take?
These words are strange to me.

A certain captain of industry
offered an indecent amount of cash...

...to steal that slime.

Said something about
unlimited scientific potential.

Are you sure
he was a captain of industry...

...and not some industrial cadet
showing off for the girls?

I know when a man's showing off.

So, what do you say, hot stuff?
Want a slice of the mud pie?

It is tempting, but then I'd have to
turn in my superhero discount card.

Too bad. I like us together.

But we only just met.
And I'm not that kind of spider.

Give a cat a chance,
and she'll make you that kind of spider.

Stop, I'm blushing.

- What in the--?
- Dr. Connors.

Two's company,
three's a corroborating witness.

- The life-form. Where is it?
- Black Cat. She must have--

But how? When?

Call the cops. I'll go after her.

So much for this gig.

Bad kitty. Maybe I can still find her.

Heck, I never even got a good look
at the gunk.

Read all about it!

Spider-Thief and accomplice
steal E.T.

And Spider-Man's come in
through the skylight before?

Yes, but never to steal anything.

I actually thought Spidey was a hero.

And I actually thought Pete
was a human being...

...but he was here taking pictures and
couldn't be bothered to call the police.

- But--
- Don't bother, Gwen.

Bro had his second chance. I'm done.

Boss, I'd like a word.

How about "scram"?
Or two words: "Scram, kid." Or 17:

"Get out of my office in 2.3 seconds
or I'll staple you to a flagpole."

How did you count so--?
Never mind.

I can't believe you're printing
flat-out lies.

Lies? You callow, insubordinate pup.

The Bugle only prints facts.

And whatever
it takes to connect the facts.

Yeah, but I was there.
Taking pictures from the roof.

Spidey was trying to stop Black Cat
from stealing the ooze.

They didn't leave together.

Looked that way to an amateur like you,
but it's standard crook behavior.

They met up to divide the spoils.

- Ask Dr. Connors. He was there.
- Last night? Read the article, kid.

Connors didn't discover the theft
till early this morning.

What?

Why would Dr. Connors lie?

Spider-Man must be quite confused
right about now.

Hello, general.

No.
Regretfully, I have no alien to deliver.

A known competitor beat my team
to the lab by mere minutes.

Of course. Your down payment
will be refunded. Goodbye.

- So no paycheck?
- No paycheck.

But this story in the Bugle,
it sparked an epiphany.

Mason,
I'll need all your mechanical ability.

And Beck,
your special-effects expertise.

Yeah, so, what else is new?

Which captain of industry
or high-ranking politico...

...you posing as this time,
Chameleon?

This time I have someone
a little different in mind.

Black Cat must have taken the muck.

There's no proof in any of my pictures,
but I know I didn't take it.

And what's with Dr. C?

Spidey saved him from
a permanent case of lizard breath.

I mean, how could he betray
the old web-head that way?

And how am I ever gonna clear
my friendly neighborhood name?

And the crazy thing?
They think I stole the alien.

I never even got a good look at it.

That's a good look for you.
And I'm flattered, truly.

See? I knew we made a connection.

You. You're the real thief.

Because I stole your heart?
Heard it before, swinger.

What the heck?

I've been looking for you.

I know I don't like being blamed
for crimes I didn't commit.

Or any crimes, really.
Bad for business.

So the frame-up must really annoy
an ex-primary-color guy like you.

Yeah.

You didn't steal the ooze, did you?

You know I didn't,
short, dark and handsome.

You were there.

- So unless you took it...
- I didn't take it.

Calm down. I didn't think so.

But if you're fed up enough
with the thankless hero thing...

...to match your image to mine,
then I have to ask:

Are we going to be bad guys together,
partner? Or just plain bad'?

Was it something I said?

Guess I found the ooze.

Or it found me.

Face it, Spidey, alien life has
permanently bonded itself to your suit.

Best case, you're in for one monster
of a dry-cleaning bill.

Perfect, now I'm flying a glider.
Gotta ditch in Central Park.

No. Eddie and I lost our parents
in a plane just like that.

Can't believe I made that leap.

I hope I'm strong enough for this.

Trouble is, I'm not close enough
to a building for my web to carry.

Still. Nothing to lose.

Oh, slick! Did I do that?

Or did the ooze actually upgrade
my spider-ness?

- Look out!
- Run!

If I can use the ooze
to help more people as Spider-Man...

...and not incidentally earn
more photo money as Peter Parker...

...then maybe it's okay that I sort of
unintentionally stole the slime...

...from the Connors' lab.

And maybe it's better for everyone
if I don't return it.

Course, that's not really my call.

But obviously it was the right call.

Yeah, I could get used to this.

Hey, Aunt May.

- Aunt May, what's wrong?
- Oh, Peter. I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to frighten you.
It was just the heat from the stove.

And I am a little tired.

I'm not surprised.
You've been cooking nonstop.

There's enough food here
to feed the Rhino.

I'm testing recipes.
We can give the extra to the food drive.

Come on, let's get you to bed.

Spider-Man just robbed the bank!

Cut it out!

What's the matter, Flashie?
Does the truth hurt?

It's not the truth.
I mean, it's not true.

If it's Make-Fun-of-Flash Day,
how can I help?

Little Flashie's mad because his hero
turned out to be a big crook.

The guy in the pictures
ain't the real Spidey.

Any guy can put on a costume.
Puny Parker wore one last week.

Can Puny Parker
stick to walls and sling webs?

Face it, Flash. The Bugle
has undeniable photographic evidence.

Forget the Bugle!

There's no way I'm ever gonna believe
Spider-Man's turned to crime.

Then you're the only one.

No sudden moves, friends.

Your friendly neighborhood
web-shooter's in a frisky mood.

Behind you.

My insect early-warning system's
tingling.

Fill her up.

Wonderful. Perfect.
Tomorrow's front page.

- Mr. Jameson, these pictures--
- Too late, Parker.

Got all the pictures I could ask for.

Joe Anonymous
is letting me have them for free.

As I predicted,
the web-head's turned out to be...

...just another thug in a mask.

Soon he'll be caught, jailed
and run out of town.

How can he be jailed
and run out of town?

I'm giddy as a schoolgirl.

Never thought I'd be on the lookout
for, well, me.

Hey, crime spree. Was hoping
you'd swing this way again.

- Cat. Listen, I'm innocent.
- Obviously.

Doesn't that imposter know
black is the new red and blue?

Yeah, I'd turn him black and blue,
if I could find him.

Well, as it happens...

How can you be so sure
he'll hit here?

I think like a thief.

A boat full of overdressed fat cats
is a can't-miss proposition.

Wait.

Mayor Waters is wearing
the Stuyvesant Tiger.

I want it.

Cat, no door prizes.

Try focusing
on how we get aboard.

Please, I'm a professional.
I come prepared.

Hello, so glad you could make it.

I'm wearing a fortune
in borrowed jewels.

Let's get moving before a certain
arachnid decides to crash my party.

I don't buy it, Your Honor.
I've seen Spider-Man in action.

- I can't believe he's turned to crime.
- Believe it, Stacy.

The Bugle's been saying for weeks
the web-head's a fraud.

Now that I'm proven right, I assume
you've taken the proper precautions.

Don't worry, Jonah. My officers
are all on alert for Spider-Man.

Besides, if he was coming,
he's too late now.

Hots d' oeuvres, Your Honor'?

Norman. Wonderful of you to come.

Are you happy to see me
or my contribution?

And if my answer is both?

Then I'm investing
in an honest politician.

Now, if you'll excuse me...

Demitasse, sergeant?

- Sweet ride.
- Haven't you heard? Crime pays.

I'm not listening.

- Almost there. Hold on tight.
- Don't worry, I don't slip.

Not why I said that.

We're-- We're close enough.

My kitty sense is purring.

Guess Cat was right.

And so I raise my glass
to thank you for all your support.

And after the election,
your city will thank you too.

As will your friendly
neighborhood Spider-Thief.

I knew it.

- Fill them up, folks.
- Take him.

Your Honor,
if you hold that Tiger too tight, I bite.

He's too tall. This guy's a fraud.

Spider-Man is not a fraud.
Can't believe I just said that.

Behind you.

That's spider-strength, people.
Think I can fake that?

Actually, I do.

- And who are you supposed to be?
- Spider-Man. The real one.

The real one? You don't even have
the costume right.

I'm in mourning for my buried rep.

Like pickle-puss will be
when he's forced to print a retraction.

Retraction'? Listen, web-head,
nobody tells J. Jonah--

See? Even the jolly one himself
knows I'm the genuine article.

Now, that's spider-strength.
Accept no substitutes.

Demitasse, Spider-Man?

They took the Tiger.

Yeah, we need to go.

Incoming.

We'll let them settle this
Spider-Man to Spider-Man.

- Thanks, Cat, I owe you one.
- At least.

Wow, the new onesie.

I can feel it balancing me.

Compensating for the boat,
the water, everything.

How about a taste
of spider-punch?

Tell me I don't sound like that.

Or at least that I offer
a higher-quality quip.

The one and only. Got it.

My hero.

You heard me, a retraction.

But on Page 42, in 4-point font.

I'm satisfied you're innocent,
Spider-Man.

We'll find out what Chameleon did
with the E.T.

Actually, I sort of--

What are you doing?

You tell the truth
and they'll take the suit.

You need its power to help people.

I sort of figured you'd say that.

Then I'll say this too:

As long as you wear a mask,
some folks will always wonder.

- Night, captain.
- Captain Stacy. The Tiger. It's not here.

All right, Chameleon, where's--?

We made a pretty good team.
Maybe you should change sides.

Okay, then why did you help me?

You really don't know?

Wow, Cat.
I had no idea you felt that way.

Cat?

Here, kitty, kitty, kitty.