The Sopranos (1999–2007): Season 6, Episode 2 - Join the Club - full transcript

Gentlemen,
can I get you anything?

Orange County firefighters

have called in extra help

from the California Department of
Forestry aircraft...

Hi, you've reached the Sopranos.
Leave a message. Bye!

Stop picking your nose!

I'm here.
Call me.

Love you.

Thanks.

Good morning.
Anthony Soprano.

Yup.
See some photo ID, please?

What the hell?

This isn't my wallet.

Oh no.

And this isn't my briefcase.

Last night...

I was at a bar across
the street from my hotel.

I must have picked up
the wrong stuff.

Well, I'll tell you what:
I'm here,

so I'll try to call the bar.

But could you let me in

so I don't miss
the morning session?

Gosh, I really can't.

Look, I just flew in
from New Jersey

and Colonel Colonna,
he speaks at 10:30.

I can't let you in
without photo ID, sir.

- Security.
- I'm on the list.

Sorry.

It's a whole new world.

Got a big $87 in cash
to my name.

So his briefcase is a Bally too?

No. I didn't look at the brand
name when I picked it up.

It just looked like mine,
that's all.

I gave you that briefcase
for Christmas, Ton'.

I know, honey.
I know.

His license has a Kingman, Arizona,
address and no phone is listed.

What's in the briefcase?
Did you look?

Yeah, of course I looked.
There's a bunch of brochures

for solar heating systems.
No company name.

He'll get in touch.

That was a great lecture.

- Oh, look at this now, look.
- What?

- Nothing.
- Try not to worry, Ton'.

My whole life's in that case.

Thank you.

- Welcome to the Radisson.
- How you doing?

I checked out a couple hours ago but I'm
going to need the room back. Soprano.

I am sorry, but we're
completely booked.

- You're kidding.
- I'm afraid not.

There's six conventions in town.
You might try the Omni.

Trouble is I lost my wallet,

so how the hell am I going to check
in there without a credit card?

You'd face the same
problem here.

Yeah, but I stayed here
as a guest just last night.

You couldn't sign on that bill,
you've already closed it out.

Thanks for being so helpful.

Hi.

What can I get you?

Well, I don't know
if you remember me,

but I was in here
last night around 8:00.

I was sitting right over there.

I ordered the blackened grouper
sandwich then I canceled.

- Said I had pains in my stomach.
- Vaguely, okay...

Well, when I was leaving,
I picked up a wallet and a briefcase

and I thought they were mine,

- but they weren't.
- Oh, Jesus.

You don't happen to remember
who was sitting next to me?

You know, there was a guy.

He was about your height.

You know the reason I remember
is he'd had that grouper sand too

and I was afraid we'd mess the orders
up. I think he left before you.

- And he never came back?
- No.

You know the name
Kevin Finnerty?

- He drives a Lexus.
- You know him?

It's a joke.
Infinity? Lexus?

I imagine you could use
one on the house.

Yeah, yeah.
You said a mouthful.

- Uh, Scotch rocks.
- All right.

- Glenlivet okay?
- Oh yeah, better than okay.

Well, might as well
hang out here

in case he shows or calls.

You realize I can't even get on a plane
without a picture ID?

Oh God, that's right.

Well, tell me about Costa Mesa.

Nice place to live?

Around here?
It's dead.

Give me the grouper sandwich.

You got it.

Bag the sandwich.
Come eat with us.

A few of us are getting a table.
Dude lost his wallet and briefcase.

- Man. Oh no.
- That's all right. Thanks anyway.

Come on. That tool who took your stuff
shows up, we'll all pound his ass.

Okay, thanks.

U.S. Drill Bit.
Aerospace and industrial equipment.

We just sold our gear
and coupling unit to Wheela-brator

- to focus on pumps and compressors.
- Interesting.

Tony, you never did tell us
how you made the jump

from selling patio furniture
to precision optics.

Well, like my wife says,
that's a good question.

Excuse me for one minute.

Hi Daddy.
I made volleyball.

All right! I told you, didn't I?
You were worried over nothing.

How's your brother?

Mom put him to bed early.
He puked.

Oh no.
Is she around?

Mom!
Bye, Dad.

Bye, baby.

Ton', how ya doing?

Finnerty didn't
call there, did he?

No. I'd have let you know
right away.

Where'd Jeff and Kansas go?

To bed, and they
sucker-punched you, buddy.

They paid the check.

You guys all had a hand
in this, didn't you?

Listen, we're just impressed
to be in the presence of a man

whose sales team snatched
the brass ring

12 consecutive quarters.

It's not such a big deal.

There's always a faster gun.

I'm 46 years old.

I mean, who am I?

Where am I going?

Join the club.

Now is the time you can
clearly hear His voice.

Let us rejoice in His love.

Mmmm.

This isn't going to happen.

What are you talking about?

I saw your face when you got off
the phone with your wife.

So?

Don't sweat it.
It's sweet, actually.

But you talk about them
back there a lot.

I could even be
some other guy tonight

and get away with
the whole shebang.

But no, I blow it.

They're looking for a perp.

His eyes are open.
Two, three.

He's bucking the vent.
Give me the lights.

- I'll get some restraints.
- Four milligrams Ativan.

He was just lying there peacefully
just like he has been and then he just...

- He's still bucking.
- Room three! The gunshot.

He pulled his tubes out!

I have to retube him.

- Oh God.
- Etomidate and sux and an airway box.

- Take the family out.
- Give us room to move.

- Please wait outside.
- Where's the Ativan, please?

I got him.

- Tony.
- Dad?

- Mr. Soprano.
- Tony?

- What, honey?
- Who am I? Where am I going?

We're right here with you.
Tony, who am I?

Get ready to retube him.
Sir, can you hear me?

Who am I?
Where am I going?

- Dad!
- Tony!

I'm going to have to insist
that you guys leave.

Getting this breathing tube back in is
something you're not gonna want to see.

- What's going on?
- You're just getting back?

Matt's car wouldn't start.

- Did you eat at least?
- Yeah.

Dad's not so good right now.
They made us leave.

I got to go.

- What's the latest?
- He came out of the coma for a minute.

They took
the breathing tube out.

That's good, right?
That means he's breathing on his own.

They had to put
the tube back in.

- Goddamn Junior.
- Anthony Soprano is not going to die.

I don't know what
everybody's talking about.

Nobody's saying
he's going to die.

Could one of you take
these guys home, please? 2:00 a.m.

You can't live in this ICU.
Two nights straight is too much.

I'm okay.
Mead spelled me last night.

- I'm staying tonight too.
- I want you to go back.

Okay, people call the house.
I need somebody there.

Ma, you want some tea?

Van Helsing, let's go.

- I'll take him.
- I got it.

- He's on my way.
- Bullshit, you live in Bellevue.

- What do you care?
- You already brought the sfogliatelle!

Let's go.

Got him back on the ventilator,
mucus plug.

The bullet didn't just tear up the
pancreas, it impacted the gall bladder.

Sepsis is the big problem.
An infection in the blood.

I've got him sedated
and restrained

so he can't pull his
breathing tubes out.

- Okay, then what?
- As we discussed before,

we're probably not looking
at a very good outcome here.

Should we call Dr. Plepler?

I'll let him know.
And Taschlin too. He'll stop by.

Does he know that he's dying?

We don't know.

Welcome to the Omni.
How may I help you?

Name is Finnerty.
I called and reserved a room.

Yes, Mr. Finnerty, we have you down
for a single room for the night.

Did you wish to keep
that on the Visa?

Uh, yeah.

I'll need to take
an imprint to cover incidentals.

Sure.

Room 728.
Elevators are on your left.

Have a good night.

Thank you.

- Good night.
- Night.

Kevin Finnerty?

We thought we heard
that man say your name.

How fortuitous we should
meet up with you again.

You know him?
This is important.

Months you have ignored
our letters and phone calls.

Well, we are now
filing suit against you.

No, okay, back up.

I'm not Kevin Finnerty.

I have his wallet by mistake

and I guess I look
a little like him?

So he is from around here?

We had a horrible winter
at the monastery

because of your heating system.

I'm not Kevin Finnerty.

- Lose your arrogance.
- Son of a bitch!

Hey!
Hey, come on guys.

Did you see?
He hit me!

Don't let him...
he hit me!

- You okay?
- Don't let him go!

I was just trying
to block your fall.

Did you see that?

Why would I be joking?

He slapped me in the mouth.

Did you file a police report?

I'm staying here
under somebody else's credit card.

- You could've explained that.
- Oh, you're so sure?

It's fraud.

Does the hotel know if there's
a Buddhist temple or anything around?

They say there's more than one.

If I could find the place
and I could get some words in edgewise,

they might point me to Finnerty.

But who wants more complications?
I just want to come home.

I know. You never even wanted
to go to this conference.

I agree. You should just leave tomorrow
and not go on to Houston.

I'll wire you cash.

Can I claim the cash without ID?

Shit.
That's a good question.

All right, I'll call Doenitz, see if the
company can help.

I miss you.

I miss you too, but you're
off in your own world.

You're too distracted with work.

This is partly your fault.

Call me later
if you can't sleep.

Love you.

Love you.

Good morning.

Oh!

- Mead honey?
- How is he?

The same.

But another night has passed
and he is still with us.

He's not the same.

His fever dropped to 39.1. That's
102-point-something.

Oh, Dr. Plepler.
Good morning.

Hear we had a rumpus
last night, huh?

Oh, God.
It was awful.

How long since
he left my O.R.?

- His amylase is 41.
- Hematocrit still okay?

- Yup.
- Good.

Hi. How's my big brother
doing today?

Everything's okay here.

You mean
just the surgery per se?

- Uh-hmm.
- Well what about the sepsis?

Yeah, well that's the concern.

What did Taschlin say
this morning?

Dr. Taschlin never came
in here this morning.

Well, no matter.
I'll be talking to him.

Go ahead and change
the dressing, huh.

Does this mean the chances
could be worse

my husband could not
come out of his coma?

Actually, now
we've induced coma.

- He's snowed with Ativan.
- What? Why?

Control the seizures while we try to
knock down the fever with antibiotics.

It says his temperature's
down some.

The problem here is not only

are we looking at the obvious
negative outcome,

but in these cases

we also contemplate
degrees of brain damage

in the event he does survive.

- What antibiotic is he on?
- Zosyn.

Sorry, Doctor, she volunteered in
an ICU this summer.

Columbia Pres in New York. She's
thinking about a career in medicine.

- Oh, good.
- Or law, I don't know.

Good morning, Doctor.
I'm the sister. We met yesterday.

Look, you're all doing
the right thing.

You're staying with him,
keeping contact, but talk to him also.

Keep him engaged. You might want
to play some of his favorite music.

You know fortunately for him,

he is at a level-one
trauma center.

Or with his injuries, believe me,
he would have been dead 12 hours ago.

Okay, I see.
Thank you, Doctor.

"Thank you, Doctor"?

"I'm sorry, she volunteered
at an ICU"?

You treat these guys
like rock stars.

- He's the doctor, Meadow.
- Well why bring up brain damage now?

We'll cross that bridge
if we have to.

I came by to help, guys.
Anything.

I left Nica with Bobby's mother.

You both should get some rest.

Come on in and see him.
Your sister's here too.

Oh my God.
Oh God.

I can't get used to this.
Oh my God.

- Oh my God. I can't...
- I know, Janice. I know.

Get her some water.
Come here, sit down.

- It's okay, it's okay.
- That's my brother!

- What are these?
- A watch and a pencil.

Repeat the following sentence,

"No ifs, ands or buts."

I'll do it if I fucking
feel like it.

Take your ultimatums
and stick them in your ass.

No, repeat the sentence.

What is this person
talking about?!

These people are trying to establish
for the government,

that if you shot Anthony
Soprano, which we're not conceding,

that it certainly wasn't
intentional...

that you were confused
and disoriented.

- Don't coach him, please.
- My nephew Anthony?

- That's why you're here in custody.
- Where's Mel?

You dismissed Mr. Melvoin
as your attorney and hired me.

Because of his paralyzed hand from
his stroke, it made your nervous.

If somebody shot my nephew
it was him himself.

He's a depression case.

You got any beefs,
I'm the one you come to.

Likewise, weekly I'll
collect for the skip.

I'll keep it for him
until he's back on his feet,

taking out a portion for Carmela

to run the house
and that shit there.

- Good.
- Absolutely.

Anybody got any questions?

For now, not personal questions
relating to yourself,

but about the family.

- Yeah, Vito.
- The sports book in Roseville.

By rights, that should
go to me now.

- Eugene was with me.
- Yo, what'd I just say?

Not about yourself!

What do we do about Junior?

He's in jail.
That puts him out of our reach.

- Not necessarily.
- He's a demented old fuck.

I say we do nothing.
Let him rot, sever all ties.

End this embarrassment
right now.

He "Marvin Gayed"
his own nephew, the boss of this family.

What happens to Junior
is Tony's call.

- That's right.
- Bobby,

all due respect, where the fuck
were you that night?

Why was the skipper
babysitting Junior?

I had other family obligations.

Ask my wife.
Tony volunteered.

Are we done?
I'm going back to the hospital.

He's gotta make an issue
out of everything lately.

Roseville's been Junior's
territory since the Big Bang,

which means it goes to Bobby
now that Junior's out of the picture.

Vito already pulls down
more scratch

than anybody, from the unions.

Let him go
to the hospital first,

that fat fucking kiss-ass.

I'm buying Tony a nice little
stereo for the room.

He don't need that.

Look at this fucking mutt.

Who wouldn't like to take
the easy way out?

Maybe the poor fuck
was suffering

from inoperable
cancer or some shit.

Suicide runs in families.

Maybe it was his mother
or his old man

took the gas pipe
when Eugene was a kid.

His son, the drugs maybe.

I knew him better
than anybody, but still...

Maybe he was a homo, felt there was
nobody he could talk to about it.

That happens too.

Good thing Tony never heard
about him killing himself, at least.

Got enough on his plate.

The nurse told me she saw AJ.

She did?

I asked him to bring
Dad's Tony Bennett box set from home.

Yeah, it's been kind of weird.

Would you call it
growing up Soprano?

I guess.
I don't know.

Come with me.

Hold on there.

What did I tell you?

We were just talking.

Don't talk to them.
Say nothing.

Where are your father's CDs?

- I forgot.
- Oh Jesus God, Anthony.

- Everybody is pitching in here but you.
- Thanks, Mom.

I wish you would go to class if this
is all you're gonna do.

With my father in the hospital?

Go to the deli on Broad Street.
Get some bagels.

All right? Get enough
for everybody upstairs, an assortment.

And go this way.

Look. Chris just sent
this over.

A little stereo.

Mead, my God, I'm telling you,

she seems like she's grown up so much.
What she knows.

She will make a terrific doctor.

I got some CDs from my car.

Oh yes, you like this one.

Anthony, Anthony.

Ho, Sheriff of Nottingham.

My kingdom
for a mortadella, huh?

They make a great sandwich here.
No getting around it.

What about that disease
you picked up over there

in Diarrhea-stan
or wherever the fuck you were?

This might be the cure.

Yeah, we're sorry
to hear about Tony.

I got nothing to say
about what happened so...

That's not why I asked.
How's he doing?

He's fucked up.
You know what I think?

I think you don't come
here for the sandwiches.

I think you come
'cause you miss us.

Hey, I can't blame you.
That job you got now must be depressing.

- How goes the war on terror anyway?
- Working it.

I heard Fieldcrest reported
a truckload of towels missing.

We actually spend a little more of our
time trying to interdict

the financial networks
that fund the terror cells worldwide.

- No shit.
- Truck hijacking, narcotics.

In fact, if you ever heard
of anything going down,

Middle Easterners, Pakistanis,

you'd be helping a lot
if you picked up a phone.

- And called you?
- It's your country too, isn't it?

Like I'd know one of these suicide
jerk-offs if he bit me on the the ass.

You knew Matoush Zhia.
Hung out at your girlfriend's club.

He was a drug dealer,
her friend.

I didn't know shit about his politics
till one of your people told me.

Something to keep in mind.

I take that terrorism
shit seriously.

And Tony, don't even
get him started.

This song was playing
in your car

that entire weekend

we all went down
to Long Beach Island.

Remember Artie and Charmaine
broke up for the first time?

First of many.

She accused him of letting
her drown in the ocean. Remember that?

That wave picked her up

and slammed her down
on her head in the sand?

Oh my God, her around water.

And remember the time that she got
cramps from eating that huge calzone?

You had to go in after her.

She almost dragged
you down by your hair.

Oh...

Imagine that.

At one time you had enough hair

that a woman could grab it
with both her hands.

You're going to be fine, Tony.
I know it.

The doctors say
you're going to be fine too.

They are very confident.

They know that you are really strong.

You're strong as a bull.

You know that
that's always gotten to me.

When you used to pick
me up and throw me over your shoulder...

oh my God, Tony.

You used to get me
so hot down there.

I can feel it right now
just thinking about it.

You are going to be okay, Tony.

Your friends,
your kids all love you.

A long time ago I told you you were
going to go to hell when you died,

when you had that MRI.

And you threw my words back
at me when we got separated.

And you were right.
That was a horrible thing to say.

It's a sin,

and I will be judged for it.

You're a good father.

You care about your friends.

Yes, it's been rough between us.

I don't know, our hearts
get so hardened

against each other.
I don't know why.

But you are not going to hell.

You're coming back here.

I love you.

Mr. Finnerty,
sorry it took so long,

but I saw some things
on the CT scan I didn't like,

which is why I ordered the MRI.

How long have I been here?

In looking at your MRI,

see these dark areas?

These are parts of your brain that have
been oxygen deprived.

- Uh-huh.
- Unfortunately, these are consistent

- with a diagnosis of Alzheimer's.
- What?

You're going to want to see
a neurologist when you get home,

but the radiologist here
has seen the studies and he concurs.

Alzheimer's?
I'm 46 years old.

- I know.
- What the hell?

This goddamn miserable trip.

The good news is
the treatment picture

isn't quite as bleak
as it would have been a while back.

It's a death sentence.

You're a smurf for 10 or 15 years and
then you die

shitting in your pajamas.

I know people with Alzheimer's.

Mr. Finnerty, talk
to your own docs back home.

My name's not even Finnerty.

I lost my wallet and my briefcase,
and I picked his up.

So you guys took out
his insurance card from his wallet.

- How's that float your boat?
- Well, what is your name?

What does it matter?
I'm not going to know myself soon.

You can rest here a while.

You're fine other than
the minor concussion.

Fall like that could have
broken your neck.

I'm lost.

AJ wanted to come but he got

a really bad stomach flu
from a burrito.

Law firm's being so understanding
about me taking time off

from my internship to be here.

Finn's coming out.

He really likes you.

I was reading this morning
and I found this.

I want to share it with you.

By Jacques Prevert...

"Our Father which art

in Heaven, stay there,

and we shall stay on Earth,

which is sometimes so pretty."

Look, I took
some Pepto-Bismol.

How much do you know
about the Prius?

I could've been naked in here.

You need to familiarize
yourself with hybrid cars, Meadow.

It's important.
This is the conversation of the future.

Why are you breaking my balls
about hybrid cars?

I don't give a shit.
I've been up all night.

Oh, you're tired?
Poor you.

You never give two fucks
about the environment.

Is that what's crawling
up your butt?

That I was at the hospital
last night when you told Mom you'd come?

I didn't say one word to you
about it and neither did anyone else.

We're all so glad you fucking
kicked your stomach flu, okay?

I saw how you looked
at my plate of food.

I can't eat at my own house?

I wasn't looking at your plate.
It's all in your mind.

Don't you find this
completely embarrassing?

What?

This, our family.

Our father gets shot
by our goober fucking uncle?

- What is that?
- Yeah, it's embarrassing.

I don't want to think
about what Finn's parents are saying.

I mean, I don't really give
a shit about my friends.

They know what Dad does, but like,
some of them remember Uncle Junior.

He was always a fucking mummy.

- Why did Dad hang out with him?
- You know Dad.

He takes those things
seriously, all the Italian family stuff.

Yeah, I got the big lecture.
Now look.

I know.

Look at these fucking reporters.

Hey!
Fuck you!

I'll be glad to sit with Tony.

Hospital rules, it's family
only for now, but thank you.

Angie phoned.

Guess she's very busy over there
with her body shop.

- You want some grits?
- Huh-uh.

Oh, look who's here.

Hey Fabio, I'm available.

So what? Now there's
an actual roster

of who stays with Dad
and when, and I'm not on it?

Frankly, AJ, I didn't think
you'd be interested.

I was sick and I've
been trying to study,

which is what everybody's usually
hassling me about 24/7.

I guess there always
has to be something, right?

Come here and sit down, okay?

"Studying."
He goes clubbing in New York.

Well you cut him too much slack.
You still protect him.

I know he avoids Tony because he
can't face seeing him like this.

- It frightens him.
- It frightens everybody.

He should get a pass?
You know kids his age

are getting blown up in Iraq.

You know something
that's interesting? Janice noticed

that when AJ talks about Tony's
possibly not coming out of this,

he can't even use
the word "dad."

He says "Anthony Soprano
is not going to die."

Well, that's a fascinating
psychological nugget,

but it don't change the fact

that if that kid
don't pull his end in this,

he's never going to forgive
himself and nobody else should either.

It's just that Tony has
always loomed so large for AJ.

Well maybe it's just that AJ is a
selfish boy who doesn't give a shit.

I'm sorry your son
is no longer with us

but don't use mine as a guinea pig
for your ideas on parenting.

I never saw you
take a hard line.

Why do you think I'm talking
to you like this?

The thing is,
Tony has an open incision.

If you are there in the room
and they change the dressing,

it's very hard to take.

And I don't know
that AJ should see that.

Hey!

Get the fuck off the property!

Hey! I warned you yesterday.
The curb line is your limit.

I know.
I know you hate it.

I'm not going to tell
you what to do, Finn.

How would you describe your husband's
relationship with his uncle?

Were they close?

You know of any issue
they might have been having?

I don't speak with Junior.
I haven't for years.

My husband knows how I feel
and he never brought him up.

What was your conflict about?

It's not something
I'm going to discuss with you.

Your husband ever talk about
Junior Soprano's mental state?

You're flying
full-fare coach?

I did hear him
telling other people

how Junior was getting
more and more confused...

calling my husband Johnny,
which was his father's name;

resisting getting a haircut,
that kind of thing.

You spoke with your husband
what time of the night of the incident?

- I... I don't know.
- I'm not bailing.

Meadow, could you?

- I'm just trying to understand.
- Understand what?

You're coming out from California
to support me with my father being shot

or because dental school
is just sucking for you.

Both.
Is that so awful?

If you have any more questions
you're going to have to call my lawyer.

When he was taken into custody,

Junior made pointed references

to the McGuire Sisters,
Sam Giancana.

- You mean the Kennedy assassination?
- Yeah.

You mean as related to this?

- I had to ask.
- My husband was three years old.

Oh, I could sleep right here.

It's all right.
He'll be okay.

The Shelby GT 500?
450 horsepower.

Oh baby, and this guy
on campus has one?

And the Mustang's not
as expensive as the M3

I used to talk about
getting all the time.

Jennifer, another round
when you get your chance.

Chris!

Oh, Ahmed.
You guys here again?

You ought to put up a tent
on this fucking bar.

How's Tony?
The girl said he was hurt pretty bad?

- He's keeping his dick up.
- His uncle did this to him?

I was saying to Muhammad,
why the hell...

Not something we talk about.

Please, give Tony our best
when you talk to him.

I will.

Hey, Dad?

I'm going to get
Uncle Junior for this.

Don't worry.

I watched since I was little
how nice you were to him.

And he doesn't just get
to do this to you,

put you in here
and get away with it.

You're my dad.

And I'm going to put a bullet
in his fucking mummy head.

I promise.

I can't believe
we're not going to like,

do stuff together again.

'Cause we will.

I'm positive.

Hey.

Hey.

How's he doing?

Hi, Dad.

The doctor knows.

The Chinese guy.

He's calling the other guy to get
permission to change the medications.

I'll stay if you want
to pee or anything.

Hi.
How's he doing?

They didn't come back
with the fever medicine yet.

I'm so proud of you, AJ.

You can't imagine how much
this means to your father.

Who knows what it means?
He just lies there.

Well, it means a lot to me then,
how about that?

Thank you for doing it.
You've helped your family tremendously.

I flunked out of school.

I ended up with a 1.4
for the quarter

and the freshman dean said
there was no point in coming back.

- With your father in a coma...
- I didn't tell Dad.

- Be positive, everybody said.
- My God.

I tried really hard
in philosophy,

- but that professor...
- With your father in a coma!

Go have breakfast.

Anthony.

Anthony, can you hear us?