The Sopranos (1999–2007): Season 3, Episode 10 - To Save Us All from Satan's Power - full transcript
Tony starts having flashbacks about Pussy's betrayal, and then later discovers that Jackie Jr. has been failing in his responsibilities.
(SOPRANOS THEME SONG)
I'm in Asbury.
I'll be at your
boatyard in 15 minutes.
No, I got a meeting,
I'll come there after.
O.J. Simpson's acquittal
they still cannot accept,
and now they're suing him
in civil court.
Simpson's attorney is outraged,
Fred Goldman is philosophical.
In Jersey, they'd have
fried his worthless ass.
Well, he's shunned
on his golf course now.
Oh!
There he is,
F. Lee Fatfuck.
Hold my briefs.
What's the matter with you?
My back, fuckin' ValueJet,
trying to save 50 bucks.
- How was Boca?
- How do you think?
Your uncle's quaking
in his boots I was there to pop him.
Ho, wait till
we get outside, huh?
Junior's looking for a way out.
But, he's got that
iron rod up his ass.
He thought he was
in line to be boss.
Now he's gotta take orders
from somebody
who used to fetch him
his Sambuca.
Hey, fuck him.
Is he gonna sit down or not?
If Tony will guarantee
his safety.
You deal with it,
alright, Tony?
Make it Christmas,
this way I don't have to
go on that fuckin' cruise.
No sooner do I
get back from Florida
than Ange has booked a suite
on the Dawn Princess.
5,000 bucks a week
and no way off.
Thank God Carm gets seasick.
We're staying home this year
so Jackie can study for his SATs.
Ro found him a great tutor.
Pray he goes to a state school.
You oughta see Terri's
bills from Villanova.
And Matt and Kevin
right behind her...
Hey, Sal, you need money, you come
to me, you hear what I'm sayin'?
Don't be moving that "h"
no more, Puss.
It's too risky.
I always wanted
a house by the ocean.
Maybe in another life.
Ton'! Tony?
Hey, Paulie.
We gonna go see your boat?
Nah, I'm just...
thinking about
our former friend.
Who?
Him?
Not me,
never.
Me and Jackie met him
down here in '95,
when he got back from Boca.
Oh, yeah, that crazy
shit with your uncle.
Junior hijacked Jackie's truck.
What about it?
I should've seen it
then, that's all.
Don't waste another second
on that rat fuck, Ton'.
I'd kill him again if I could.
Tommy Angeletti,
he's doing a re-bar
at the Esplanade.
Yeah?
He's into me for 100 large
on college basketball.
Now Ralphie's holding up
the contractor for more money.
He's got the site
shutdown on a strike.
Angeletti can't work.
Paulie, your fuckin' book
against millions gonna
roll in off the Esplanade?
I figured you'd take his side.
But, Ralphie
shouldn't come across
with a couple of
no-show electrician jobs?
I shouldn't get something
outta this fuckin' esplanade?
Alright, I'll talk to him.
( Wheezing )
Oh, good, you're up.
I just got the digital
video for Meadow.
It's three down, three to go.
Plus, the scooter is ready,
but you're gonna have to pick it up.
It's on my list.
You're not gonna like this
next bit of news, either.
Janice is insisting on cooking
Christmas dinner this year.
Christmas Eve or Christmas Day?
I'm doing Christmas Eve.
You wanna turn her
loose on shellfish?
She's determined to cook
goose on Christmas Day.
Why '2
Well, her impulses are right,
she's over here all the time.
She volunteered me to make
the gravy and the lasagna,
so, with everything else
I gotta do today,
I gotta bring half
my kitchen over there,
and she needs you because
the fuse box is on the fritz again.
Oh, fuck, come on, I'm busy.
What, I'm not?!
Well, I was feeling good,
all of a sudden,
I'm back to square one.
What do you mean?
I had another one of
those attacks this morning.
Not the whole thing,
but, it was right there,
under the surface,
that feeling like I got
ginger ale in my brain.
Are you taking your medication?
Not every day.
Is that what
the prescription says?
Another thing
to feel bad about.
Well?
Can you tell me
what led up to this?
You know my log,
I was supposed to write
everything down for you?
Look, it's just a list of shit
I gotta do for Christmas.
All the pressure
we put on ourselves
this time of the year.
I call it "Stressmas".
That's cute.
I was looking forward
to Christmas this year.
No shit.
Now, here I go, right back
in the fuckin' rabbit hole.
Okay, let's do the drill.
The attack, what preceded it?
Yesterday I went
down to the shore
to get my boat winterized.
What happened?
I started thinking
about this thing
that happened years ago.
I haven't thought about it
since it happened.
Tell me about it.
I can't.
I see.
We're at one of
our favorite junctures.
Without going into specifics...
I can tell you it was
a friend of mine.
I found out he was working
for the federal government.
Enough said?
I see.
Am I ruining your Christmas?
I' Be accepted ♪
A-major?
L' By the lord ♪
E-major.
♪ Rejected and abandoned ♪
I don't know.
Do you think it's too down?
I mean, with the chorus,
"His blood cleans every stain"?
Oh, it's a great
mother-jumping lyric, Jan.
What are we sellin', Ajax?
"His blood cleans stains"?
( Knocking )
my brother, I hope.
Shit, fuck.
Hey, you guys, come on in.
We're just working.
On the fuse box?
No, we're making a demo,
tryin' to get some
major label interest here.
God, the poor thing.
I'm not coming to eat here
unless this pig sty
is cleaned up!
It's my wrist, Tony.
And the Percodans
aren't even working anymore.
You got any rubber gloves?
I'll get started,
and we can work on the stock.
Whoa, your wrist,
I thought the doctor said
it was just a sprain.
Apparently, there's
nerve involvement.
I may need an operation.
From the Russian?
It was the worst
night of my life,
but, it led me to Jesus.
Come on, Janice,
when's the last time
you went to a prayer meetin'?
I know.
And, Aaron and I don't
even sleep together anymore,
but in a larger sense,
Christianity's brought
about a business, with this CCM.
The what?
Christian contemporary, Tony,
ohh!
It's the fastest growing
marketing sector
in the music business today.
Here.
You knocked over
your drink, honey.
Ugh...
Really hurts, huh?
Yeah.
Janice!
( Keyboard strumming )
Ooh, here's a branch.
I don't see the rest
of the tree.
Fuck that philosophical shit.
Oh, Jesus.
What?
Oh, shit.
That is depressing.
I don't even wanna
fuckin' touch this thing.
Hey.
The wife sends her love.
How are ya, Ray?
How ya doin', Hesh?
Tony, guess what we found
in the bottom of
the Christmas box?
The Santa outfit.
You guessed!
Burn the fuckin' thing.
This is the first
Christmas in history
I remember him not bein' Santa.
Oh, big Pussy.
We were talkin' the other day
about that fat piece of shit.
When he got back from
Boca at Christmas of '95,
how he wasn't himself.
What happened to,
"not wasting your breath
on the cocksucker"?
Two-faced fuck!
To sell out your friends to save
your own ass, it's despicable.
That's one ride I would've
loved to have been along on.
Yeah, me too.
Enough of this shit,
put up the fuckin' decorations.
We still gotta find
somebody to play Santa.
Get the fuck outta here.
It's fitting, you know.
After all, it was your father
who started this whole tradition.
That's right, when Johnny boy busted
this place out and took it over,
and old man Satriale
put a bullet in his own head,
there was a lot
of sadness on the block.
Nothing a Christmas ham
couldn't fix.
Come on, T.
Fuckin' stop, alright?
Find somebody else to do it.
The big man! Come have drink.
Where's Slava?
Working probably.
( Male speaking Russian )
Anthony...
How you doing?
How are ya?
You want somethin'?
Food?
No, we're just gonna talk.
Oh, high level.
Shh.
Looks like Valery's started
to celebrate Christmas early.
You don't know the half!
Russian Christmas don't
come till mid-January.
There's a quarter mil in there,
my own personal funds.
I'll send it to Moscow
with the IBM Thinkpads.
But, this time, I want
to use Promstrybank.
Anyway, they will send it
to the Isle of Man,
to your bank numbered account.
Agron...
(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)
Print out Mr. Soprano's wire transfers.
I'm already doing it.
Thanks.
Galina loved the Escalante,
by the way.
You think you can
get another one?
There is something, maybe,
you can help me with.
You tell me what it is,
I'll tell you if I can help.
I'm looking for this Russian,
he's a friend of
Svetlana Kirilenko,
you know, lrina's cousin.
The one-legged woman,
I know who she is.
But, I don't want her involved.
All I know about this guy
is he drives a livery cab,
and he wasn't very nice
to someone important to me.
Don't think another
thing about this.
I'll find him, I'll kick
the shit out of him.
No, no, no, I'm gonna do this.
This motherfucker's mine.
(ROCK SONG PLAYING)
What happened to the Jarlsberg
that was here?
What, Sil?
Stop the music.
Cut, stop the music!
There was an entire wedge
of Jarlsberg
here this morning.
What happened to it?
I don't know.
Goddamnit!
Debbie had a rondelay
of French brie
missing from her
purse yesterday.
- In there?
- Uh-huh.
( Busy signal )
( panting )
Ever since we found that suit,
now I'm dreaming about
that fat rat bastard.
What about it?
We did the right thing.
You're startin' to worry me.
You got a problem?
'95.
I can't believe
I didn't see it.
I had a fucking lamp down here,
but meadow took it to school.
You think it was
down in Boca, though,
I mean, he was bringing
the shit in through there?
No, it wasn't Boca.
They didn't flip him in Boca.
He was down there for 24 hours
to set up the sit-down
with my uncle,
and I know, for a fact,
he was with my uncle
the whole time.
It was the sit-down.
Simpson himself attended
Barbieri's deposition,
but made no comment.
Next week, Simpson
faces another challenge,
the Goldman attorney
is seeking access...
I'm saturated with it.
In anticipation of
collecting punitive damages...
( TV shuts off )
Corrado.
John.
- Where's Bonpensiero?
- He's not here yet.
He supposed to be here.
He brokered the fuckin' thing.
Hey, I'm here.
What do you think? I'm gonna
let 'em hurt my only uncle?
- No.
- Sit down.
Where the fuck were you?
You better have a good excuse
for why you're still alive.
I'm sorry, skipper,
it'll never happen again.
I hope nobody called
the house, though.
I told Ange I was with you.
My goomar's mother, we were
in the hospital all night,
T.l.A., that's
a small stroke,
she lost use of her left hand.
It's coming back now,
but, I didn't eat...
Did you get laid?
Yeah.
We should've known, right then,
when he was M.l.A.
From that sit-down.
That's all the time you need.
When they flip somebody,
they try to get him
back on the street right away,
that very day.
So, you don't
have time to think.
Sil, what are you gettin'
your goomar for Christmas?
Cash, that's the only thing
that shuts her up
about bein' alone
over the holidays.
Michelle likes "ice".
I'm getting a piece
from a Jew in the city.
T, what are you gettin'
your new goomar?
She did me a favor.
She went to Morocco
over the holidays.
On her own?
She paid for it?
Yeah.
She went to Morocco?
Who is she, Bada Bing Crosby?
She's not one of those girls.
She's got a real job. She sells
Mercedes, smart, gorgeous...
too good to be true.
Speaking of which,
who's that piece of ass?
Oh, Madonn', look who it is.
It's the miracle of Christmas.
Next the blind will see,
and the lame will walk.
So, how is everything here
so far, tonight?
Much better now
that we've cast our glims
on you, sweetheart.
How you doin', 'Mainy?
Fine, Tony-oni.
Listen...
I thought you'd wanna know.
Two guys over there,
at that table...
Yeah?
I think they're FBI.
( laughing ) I'm kidding.
I'm kidding, enjoy.
He's ready.
You are a hypocrite.
That's what you are.
You vilify a man
behind his back,
and then you smile in his face.
Something's gotta keep
the customers coming back
and it's not gonna be your
mooshata raviolis, lately.
Hey.
Charmaine...
Sometimes we're forced
to work the same shift.
Your wife, her ass
may be improved Artie, but...
Hey, hey, hey, come on, Sil.
She's over here
joking about the FBI.
Since when is that funny?
( Phone ringing )
Yeah.
No, wait, hold on a minute.
Go ahead.
Alright, great.
Yeah...
Merry Christmas to you, too.
Mr. Valdez?
That's me.
( laughing )
I know you.
You look like maybe someone,
I don't know...
He's the designata drive.
Me?
( Mocking )
no, you the designata drive.
No, no, you, you, it's you.
- You!
- No.
Airport Ramada, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, let's go, c'mon.
How was dinner?
Good.
Was Charmaine there?
Yep.
She looks good, doesn't she?
What, are you disappointed?
Her husband dumped her, you thought
she was gonna look like a krull?
A krull?
A crone, a troll, I don't know.
Holiday traffic.
My head is
clanging like a bell.
I got the scooter.
Yay!!
Hello Bedford Falls!
Oh, Jesus.
Merry Christmas!
Enough already.
Merry Christmas, George.
Santa, we still
haven't got one.
You wanna do it?
Me, what do I know about it?
I don't have kids.
You don't have to,
Santa doesn't have any kids.
Yeah, that's strange,
that Mr. and Mrs. Claus
didn't have kids of their own.
Probably why they got
into it in the first place.
I used to think
the elves were their kids.
They were running
a sweatshop over there.
There was something on TV,
the original elves were ugly,
traveled with Santa
to throw bad kids a beatin',
and he gave the good ones toys.
The fuckin' Grinch.
Maybe that's where
they got the idea.
And fuckin' Dr. Seuss
ripped it off.
That Grinch, man,
that's where the money is.
A couple hundred mil.
Put Jim Carrey
in the motherfucker.
Tony...
Hey!
I got stuff for
the party, toys.
From me and junior.
They're not wrapped, but this way
they can see what they're getting.
Tell junior thank you.
What?
Ho-fuckin'-ho.
You're right.
What are you talking about?
You wanna play Santa Claus
at the party this year?
No, I can't do that.
Why not?
I don't know, I don't know how.
What's to know? You ask 'em
what they want for Christmas,
you give 'em a nice toy,
and that's the end of it.
- No, not me, I can't.
- Yes, you can.
- I can't!
- Why not?
I'm shy.
The boss of this
family told you
you're gonna be Santa Claus,
you're Santa Claus.
So, shut the fuck up about it.
A strange and macabre
Christmas story,
another sad incidence
of continuing violence
against livery drivers.
In downtown Newark, police
were called to the scene
of what appeared to be
a Christmas prank gone awry.
Livery driver Igor Parnasky
was found trapped
under Santa's sleigh,
and severely beaten
inside the window display
at Curran's sporting goods.
The Russian emigre
also suffered
injuries from broken glass.
From his description
of his assailants,
police are questioning members
of a marauding youth gang...
Oh, my God!
Their turf.
Merry Christmas.
Reporting live
from downtown Newark...
Oh, my...
Aaron, honey, honey?
Yeah?
I think I know what's
missing from the song.
It's the brother concept.
He ain't heavy?
No, I mean, not exactly.
Maybe we can try
to get something down.
Jan, you're crying.
Sometimes we really
don't see our loved ones.
( Christmas music playing )
Hi, whatcha doing?
Just enjoying the tree.
I love this time of year.
Me, too.
You're home early.
Hunter went into
the city with Hadley.
So, where's Jackie tonight?
He had to go visit a friend
of his in the hospital.
Oh, no, who?
Someone from school,
they think it's appendicitis.
Oh, my God.
So, you and Jackie
are getting pretty close, huh?
That new angel
looks really great.
That's what he said.
Wanna see 50 GS?
Holy shit!
What is that, sapphires?
Yeah, my wife better like it.
Wild Turkey, neat.
How you doin'?
Fine. How are you?
Carmela was right,
you look great.
Thank you.
I'm trying to
give you a compliment.
Well, don't.
What's your fuckin' problem?
All these years, I've sat here
and I kept my mouth shut.
I didn't want you and
your boys comin' in here.
And look what happened,
look what you've
done to my husband.
Artie?
I'm trying to help him.
Yeah, well, good luck,
because he's a friggin' mess.
Let's get the fuck outta here.
Where to?
Who gives a shit?
A new joint just
opened on 46th,
I been meaning to check out
the competition.
Come on.
♪ Come, they told me,
Pa, rum, pa, pa, pum ♪
♪ A new born king to see,
Pa, rum, pa, pa, pum ♪
I Our finest gifts we bring,
Pa, rum, pa, pa, pum ♪
I To lay before the king,
Pa, rum, pa, pa, pum S'
♪ Rum, pa, pa, pum,
Rum, pa, pa, pum ♪
S' So, to honor him,
Pa, rum, pa, pa, pum ♪
I' When we come ♪
Tony!
Hey, what's goin' on?
Gettin' a little lovin'?
It's not what you think.
C'mon.
C'mon, it's alright,
I just wanna talk to you.
C'mon.
It's a bachelor party,
my frat brothers.
I didn't do anything!
Shut up!
Put your hands up,
put your hands up!
No... please.
C'mon, you fuck!
You fuckin' pussy
piece of shit.
All I did was tell your old man
what a good kid you were,
and all you do
is fuckin' hurt me.
I'm sorry!
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
What's this?
Hmm?
Nice.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
You bottomed out.
What do you mean?
You bottomed out.
I wish I could get up
at 11:30 every morning
after being out all night,
God knows where.
( Pots and pans banging )
Stop with the pots and pans.
Where were you last night?
Nowhere, I wasn't anywhere.
I was the monogamy
poster boy, swear to God.
Oh, please.
Well, I break up with
the so-called Russian whore,
I'm towing the line,
and this is the thanks I get!
What about Charmaine?
Charmaine?
Mm-hmm, I know
all about you.
What?
I didn't do anything.
Yeah, you did in high school.
High school?
Don't try to deny it.
Oh, okay, high school, okay.
Her husband dumps her and
she never looked so good?
You gotta ask yourself why.
I didn't do nothing.
I didn't do nothing!
It's too late. I don't believe
anything you say.
My wife had her doubts
about Jackie Jr...
and all along I kept defending
the little two-faced prick.
Do you feel responsible
for their relationship?
Meadow thinks she'd still be
going out with the Oreo cookie
if it wasn't for me.
Well, that's true, isn't it?
The question is, what am I
gonna do about Jackie?
Should I tell my wife?
Meadow, Jesus, she's...
It'd break her heart
if she knew.
On another subject,
I was thinking about
what we were talking about
last time you were here.
You know, your friend who was working
for the federal government?
Granted I get
most of my information
from the movies
and Bill Curtis.
But I was thinking...
They're around
the block out there.
Biggest one yet.
Where's the friggin' beard?
I saw it in the box.
It's gotta be there.
Even without padding,
the suit's too small
on this fatso.
Motherfucker.
What, Ton'?
He was wearing a wire...
when he came to the party
he already had the suit on.
Alvin!
Okay!
♪ Christmas,
Christmastime is here ♪
Hey, look at this.
Oh...!
You been walking around
like that?
Boosting salvation army
kettles now.
Kevin, go make me a sandwich.
Okay, dad.
He's a method actor.
Getting into character like Al.
Yeah...
"it was you, Fredo."
Look at that,
don't even need a pillow.
Hey!
Watch the suit!
He can't make a joke?
What, are you
Mr. Sensitive over here?
Chrissy, ashtrays.
Tony...
this problem
with the red-tag garbage dumping
in Paden City...
Fuckin' Christmas,
he wants to
talk about medical waste?
I just want to double-check that the
way is paved for us to go down there,
we reached out to EPA guy
like we told Barone.
That reminds me, Tony,
Dick called this morning.
I'm fuckin' talkin' and
stop fuckin' interruptin'!
- The fuck is wrong with you?!
- Fuck you!
Hey, hey, hey!
Take it easy! Ton'.
- What's the matter with you?!
- The fuck with you.
Jesus Christ.
Oh, it's as cold as
your sister's tit out there.
You should see the crowd
of little people.
Jackie Jr.,
how you doin', huh?
You look great.
Hey, Jackie, tell 'em what you told
me in the car on the way over here.
Come on, the capital of Canada.
The kid's got it up here.
Give me your coat, c'mon.
Crissy, let 'em in
for chrissake.
One, two, three, four,
open up the stupid door!
( Kids cheering )
Go see Santa,
right this way.
Ho, ho, ho!
Merry Christmas,
come on in, children!
Don't be afraid,
c'mon, sweetheart.
Come sit on Santa's lap.
Oh...!
Have you been a good girl?
What do you want for Christmas?
I want a new doll
and a kitchen.
You want a new doll
and a kitchen.
Here's something, Dad.
I mean, Santa.
My little elf here's
got a little snow on the brain.
He called me Dad.
You like it?
Big enough to be your sister.
Merry Christmas.
Thank you, Santa.
Oh, how cute.
Who's next?
C'mon, don't be shy,
ho, ho, ho!
Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas.
Next in line, we got
a lotta people to go, c'mon.
What do you want?
Merry Christmas.
Wait a minute.
I gotta give you
a present, here.
C'mon, single file over here!
C'mon, next one in line!
It would kill him to say
"Ho, ho, ho"?
You were just here.
I was not.
Yeah, you were, you were
on my lap five minutes ago.
- No, I wasn't.
- Yes, you were.
Now you're going on Santa's list
and you're getting nothing!
Fuck you, Santa!
Hey!
Hey!
Gregorio!
How dare you talk
that way to Santa.
He never talks
that way at home.
My friend, you don't talk
that way to Santa.
Get back there,
tell Santa you're sorry.
Go on.
I'm sorry, Santa.
That's better.
I don't care, you are punished.
What the hell's
wrong with you, Bobby?
You got kids of your own.
I didn't wanna do this.
Shyness is a curse.
Why don't you lighten up
a little bit? It's Christmas.
C' mere, honey.
Don't be scared of Santa.
C'mon, there you go.
Next year he goes
to Santa school.
Fuckin' ho hum, if you ask me.
I don't miss Pussy's
fake fuckin' good cheer,
tell you the truth.
Let him stay with the fish.
Why'd you go to
that psychic last year?
Since you don't
dwell on this shit.
That was different.
Chrissy was shot.
That was a paranormal event.
What the fuck
are you talking about?
That psychic told you those guys were
haunting you. The guys that you...
Pussy, I loved that cocksucker
like a brother
and he fucked me in the ass.
That's the difference
between Puss and the others.
Him you loved.
The world don't run on love.
He was a rat bastard.
One thing you got to admit,
he made a great Santa Claus.
He did.
In the end, fuck Santa Claus.
Another sweater.
That's from Nana.
( Doorbell )
You'll tell her how much you like it.
Who could that be so early?
Let me see, maybe it'll fit me.
It's not bad,
better than last year.
Jackie Jr., hi.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas, Aunt Carm.
It's okay if I come in?
We're just
opening our presents.
Merry Christmas, Ton'.
Good morning.
Merry Christmas.
These are from Mom
for everybody.
This is for you.
Wow, thank you.
Let me get your present.
No, you can open
yours first if you want.
Okay.
This is so beautiful, Jackie,
thank you.
There's something on the back.
"To M.S. from J.A.
I will
always be true."
Oh, Jackie.
I'll be right back.
C'mere, let me see that.
Can I talk to you?
I flunked out of Rutgers.
I'm sorry, I know I fucked up.
I got distracted this year
by things.
Ralph said I was probably
wasting my time
- if I didn't have the aptitude.
- Ralph?
You know, he didn't
go to school,
and look at the money he was
making when he was my age.
And the piece,
my car got broken into a couple
of times at the frat house,
so Ralph gave it to me.
It was fuckin' stupid,
I know it.
But Tony, I'm gonna
be alright now.
I'm gonna design men's suits.
Meadow thinks I should
go to the Fashion Institute.
I really think I could be good
if I applied myself.
You bullshit me
and you betray my daughter.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Go back inside.
I'm gonna be frank on this.
I haven't decided
what to do with you.
Comin' through!
You can't stay?
I still have to
give you your present.
I'm driving Mom up
to the home to see Grandma.
Thank you for
my beautiful necklace.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
Go be with your family
and open your presents.
Love you.
Oh, my God.
Lemme see, Mom.
Look at this.
Wow.
Mmm.
Well, uh,
this is gonna seem
really stupid after that,
but it's your turn, Dad.
This is for you.
I didn't think you were
gonna get me anything.
After...
It's Christmas.
Thank you.
Come on, open it.
What is it?
Who knows.
"Big Mouth Billy Bass",
what is that?
Oh, those are good.
Wait till you see what it does.
What does it do?
You'll see.
I know I give you
a lot of stuff, Dad,
I don't know
what you do with it,
but,
I want to see this
on your desk, promise?
Yeah.
( Music playing )
Oh my God. That is hilarious.
♪ I'd love
to stay... ♪
Wait, mom.
♪ But, take me to the river ♪
♪ Drop me in the water ♪
What a riot.
♪ Take me to the river ♪
It's cute.
Thanks, honey.
♪ Take me to the river ♪
♪ Jesus told me ♪
♪ Everything is
gonna be alright ♪
♪ I Oh, Jesus told me ♪
♪ Everything
is gonna be alright ♪
♪ Jesus told me ♪
♪ Everything
is gonna be alright ♪
♪ Be alright, oh, be alright ♪
♪ I Be alright... ♪
♪ Be alright, be alright ♪
♪ I Gonna be alright,
gonna be alright ♪
♪ Jesus told me ♪
♪ Everything
is gonna be alright ♪
♪ I Oh, be alright ♪
♪ Yes, it is ♪
♪ I Be alright ♪
♪ I know for myself,
it's gonna be alright ♪
♪ I Be alright ♪
♪ Yeah, everything's
gonna be alright ♪
♪ I Be alright ♪
♪ I have no doubt
it'll be alright ♪
♪ In my mind I know it is ♪
♪ It's gonna be alright ♪
♪ I Be alright ♪
♪ I Everything ♪
♪ I Everything ♪
♪ I Everything ♪
♪ I Everything ♪
♪ I Everything ♪
I'm in Asbury.
I'll be at your
boatyard in 15 minutes.
No, I got a meeting,
I'll come there after.
O.J. Simpson's acquittal
they still cannot accept,
and now they're suing him
in civil court.
Simpson's attorney is outraged,
Fred Goldman is philosophical.
In Jersey, they'd have
fried his worthless ass.
Well, he's shunned
on his golf course now.
Oh!
There he is,
F. Lee Fatfuck.
Hold my briefs.
What's the matter with you?
My back, fuckin' ValueJet,
trying to save 50 bucks.
- How was Boca?
- How do you think?
Your uncle's quaking
in his boots I was there to pop him.
Ho, wait till
we get outside, huh?
Junior's looking for a way out.
But, he's got that
iron rod up his ass.
He thought he was
in line to be boss.
Now he's gotta take orders
from somebody
who used to fetch him
his Sambuca.
Hey, fuck him.
Is he gonna sit down or not?
If Tony will guarantee
his safety.
You deal with it,
alright, Tony?
Make it Christmas,
this way I don't have to
go on that fuckin' cruise.
No sooner do I
get back from Florida
than Ange has booked a suite
on the Dawn Princess.
5,000 bucks a week
and no way off.
Thank God Carm gets seasick.
We're staying home this year
so Jackie can study for his SATs.
Ro found him a great tutor.
Pray he goes to a state school.
You oughta see Terri's
bills from Villanova.
And Matt and Kevin
right behind her...
Hey, Sal, you need money, you come
to me, you hear what I'm sayin'?
Don't be moving that "h"
no more, Puss.
It's too risky.
I always wanted
a house by the ocean.
Maybe in another life.
Ton'! Tony?
Hey, Paulie.
We gonna go see your boat?
Nah, I'm just...
thinking about
our former friend.
Who?
Him?
Not me,
never.
Me and Jackie met him
down here in '95,
when he got back from Boca.
Oh, yeah, that crazy
shit with your uncle.
Junior hijacked Jackie's truck.
What about it?
I should've seen it
then, that's all.
Don't waste another second
on that rat fuck, Ton'.
I'd kill him again if I could.
Tommy Angeletti,
he's doing a re-bar
at the Esplanade.
Yeah?
He's into me for 100 large
on college basketball.
Now Ralphie's holding up
the contractor for more money.
He's got the site
shutdown on a strike.
Angeletti can't work.
Paulie, your fuckin' book
against millions gonna
roll in off the Esplanade?
I figured you'd take his side.
But, Ralphie
shouldn't come across
with a couple of
no-show electrician jobs?
I shouldn't get something
outta this fuckin' esplanade?
Alright, I'll talk to him.
( Wheezing )
Oh, good, you're up.
I just got the digital
video for Meadow.
It's three down, three to go.
Plus, the scooter is ready,
but you're gonna have to pick it up.
It's on my list.
You're not gonna like this
next bit of news, either.
Janice is insisting on cooking
Christmas dinner this year.
Christmas Eve or Christmas Day?
I'm doing Christmas Eve.
You wanna turn her
loose on shellfish?
She's determined to cook
goose on Christmas Day.
Why '2
Well, her impulses are right,
she's over here all the time.
She volunteered me to make
the gravy and the lasagna,
so, with everything else
I gotta do today,
I gotta bring half
my kitchen over there,
and she needs you because
the fuse box is on the fritz again.
Oh, fuck, come on, I'm busy.
What, I'm not?!
Well, I was feeling good,
all of a sudden,
I'm back to square one.
What do you mean?
I had another one of
those attacks this morning.
Not the whole thing,
but, it was right there,
under the surface,
that feeling like I got
ginger ale in my brain.
Are you taking your medication?
Not every day.
Is that what
the prescription says?
Another thing
to feel bad about.
Well?
Can you tell me
what led up to this?
You know my log,
I was supposed to write
everything down for you?
Look, it's just a list of shit
I gotta do for Christmas.
All the pressure
we put on ourselves
this time of the year.
I call it "Stressmas".
That's cute.
I was looking forward
to Christmas this year.
No shit.
Now, here I go, right back
in the fuckin' rabbit hole.
Okay, let's do the drill.
The attack, what preceded it?
Yesterday I went
down to the shore
to get my boat winterized.
What happened?
I started thinking
about this thing
that happened years ago.
I haven't thought about it
since it happened.
Tell me about it.
I can't.
I see.
We're at one of
our favorite junctures.
Without going into specifics...
I can tell you it was
a friend of mine.
I found out he was working
for the federal government.
Enough said?
I see.
Am I ruining your Christmas?
I' Be accepted ♪
A-major?
L' By the lord ♪
E-major.
♪ Rejected and abandoned ♪
I don't know.
Do you think it's too down?
I mean, with the chorus,
"His blood cleans every stain"?
Oh, it's a great
mother-jumping lyric, Jan.
What are we sellin', Ajax?
"His blood cleans stains"?
( Knocking )
my brother, I hope.
Shit, fuck.
Hey, you guys, come on in.
We're just working.
On the fuse box?
No, we're making a demo,
tryin' to get some
major label interest here.
God, the poor thing.
I'm not coming to eat here
unless this pig sty
is cleaned up!
It's my wrist, Tony.
And the Percodans
aren't even working anymore.
You got any rubber gloves?
I'll get started,
and we can work on the stock.
Whoa, your wrist,
I thought the doctor said
it was just a sprain.
Apparently, there's
nerve involvement.
I may need an operation.
From the Russian?
It was the worst
night of my life,
but, it led me to Jesus.
Come on, Janice,
when's the last time
you went to a prayer meetin'?
I know.
And, Aaron and I don't
even sleep together anymore,
but in a larger sense,
Christianity's brought
about a business, with this CCM.
The what?
Christian contemporary, Tony,
ohh!
It's the fastest growing
marketing sector
in the music business today.
Here.
You knocked over
your drink, honey.
Ugh...
Really hurts, huh?
Yeah.
Janice!
( Keyboard strumming )
Ooh, here's a branch.
I don't see the rest
of the tree.
Fuck that philosophical shit.
Oh, Jesus.
What?
Oh, shit.
That is depressing.
I don't even wanna
fuckin' touch this thing.
Hey.
The wife sends her love.
How are ya, Ray?
How ya doin', Hesh?
Tony, guess what we found
in the bottom of
the Christmas box?
The Santa outfit.
You guessed!
Burn the fuckin' thing.
This is the first
Christmas in history
I remember him not bein' Santa.
Oh, big Pussy.
We were talkin' the other day
about that fat piece of shit.
When he got back from
Boca at Christmas of '95,
how he wasn't himself.
What happened to,
"not wasting your breath
on the cocksucker"?
Two-faced fuck!
To sell out your friends to save
your own ass, it's despicable.
That's one ride I would've
loved to have been along on.
Yeah, me too.
Enough of this shit,
put up the fuckin' decorations.
We still gotta find
somebody to play Santa.
Get the fuck outta here.
It's fitting, you know.
After all, it was your father
who started this whole tradition.
That's right, when Johnny boy busted
this place out and took it over,
and old man Satriale
put a bullet in his own head,
there was a lot
of sadness on the block.
Nothing a Christmas ham
couldn't fix.
Come on, T.
Fuckin' stop, alright?
Find somebody else to do it.
The big man! Come have drink.
Where's Slava?
Working probably.
( Male speaking Russian )
Anthony...
How you doing?
How are ya?
You want somethin'?
Food?
No, we're just gonna talk.
Oh, high level.
Shh.
Looks like Valery's started
to celebrate Christmas early.
You don't know the half!
Russian Christmas don't
come till mid-January.
There's a quarter mil in there,
my own personal funds.
I'll send it to Moscow
with the IBM Thinkpads.
But, this time, I want
to use Promstrybank.
Anyway, they will send it
to the Isle of Man,
to your bank numbered account.
Agron...
(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)
Print out Mr. Soprano's wire transfers.
I'm already doing it.
Thanks.
Galina loved the Escalante,
by the way.
You think you can
get another one?
There is something, maybe,
you can help me with.
You tell me what it is,
I'll tell you if I can help.
I'm looking for this Russian,
he's a friend of
Svetlana Kirilenko,
you know, lrina's cousin.
The one-legged woman,
I know who she is.
But, I don't want her involved.
All I know about this guy
is he drives a livery cab,
and he wasn't very nice
to someone important to me.
Don't think another
thing about this.
I'll find him, I'll kick
the shit out of him.
No, no, no, I'm gonna do this.
This motherfucker's mine.
(ROCK SONG PLAYING)
What happened to the Jarlsberg
that was here?
What, Sil?
Stop the music.
Cut, stop the music!
There was an entire wedge
of Jarlsberg
here this morning.
What happened to it?
I don't know.
Goddamnit!
Debbie had a rondelay
of French brie
missing from her
purse yesterday.
- In there?
- Uh-huh.
( Busy signal )
( panting )
Ever since we found that suit,
now I'm dreaming about
that fat rat bastard.
What about it?
We did the right thing.
You're startin' to worry me.
You got a problem?
'95.
I can't believe
I didn't see it.
I had a fucking lamp down here,
but meadow took it to school.
You think it was
down in Boca, though,
I mean, he was bringing
the shit in through there?
No, it wasn't Boca.
They didn't flip him in Boca.
He was down there for 24 hours
to set up the sit-down
with my uncle,
and I know, for a fact,
he was with my uncle
the whole time.
It was the sit-down.
Simpson himself attended
Barbieri's deposition,
but made no comment.
Next week, Simpson
faces another challenge,
the Goldman attorney
is seeking access...
I'm saturated with it.
In anticipation of
collecting punitive damages...
( TV shuts off )
Corrado.
John.
- Where's Bonpensiero?
- He's not here yet.
He supposed to be here.
He brokered the fuckin' thing.
Hey, I'm here.
What do you think? I'm gonna
let 'em hurt my only uncle?
- No.
- Sit down.
Where the fuck were you?
You better have a good excuse
for why you're still alive.
I'm sorry, skipper,
it'll never happen again.
I hope nobody called
the house, though.
I told Ange I was with you.
My goomar's mother, we were
in the hospital all night,
T.l.A., that's
a small stroke,
she lost use of her left hand.
It's coming back now,
but, I didn't eat...
Did you get laid?
Yeah.
We should've known, right then,
when he was M.l.A.
From that sit-down.
That's all the time you need.
When they flip somebody,
they try to get him
back on the street right away,
that very day.
So, you don't
have time to think.
Sil, what are you gettin'
your goomar for Christmas?
Cash, that's the only thing
that shuts her up
about bein' alone
over the holidays.
Michelle likes "ice".
I'm getting a piece
from a Jew in the city.
T, what are you gettin'
your new goomar?
She did me a favor.
She went to Morocco
over the holidays.
On her own?
She paid for it?
Yeah.
She went to Morocco?
Who is she, Bada Bing Crosby?
She's not one of those girls.
She's got a real job. She sells
Mercedes, smart, gorgeous...
too good to be true.
Speaking of which,
who's that piece of ass?
Oh, Madonn', look who it is.
It's the miracle of Christmas.
Next the blind will see,
and the lame will walk.
So, how is everything here
so far, tonight?
Much better now
that we've cast our glims
on you, sweetheart.
How you doin', 'Mainy?
Fine, Tony-oni.
Listen...
I thought you'd wanna know.
Two guys over there,
at that table...
Yeah?
I think they're FBI.
( laughing ) I'm kidding.
I'm kidding, enjoy.
He's ready.
You are a hypocrite.
That's what you are.
You vilify a man
behind his back,
and then you smile in his face.
Something's gotta keep
the customers coming back
and it's not gonna be your
mooshata raviolis, lately.
Hey.
Charmaine...
Sometimes we're forced
to work the same shift.
Your wife, her ass
may be improved Artie, but...
Hey, hey, hey, come on, Sil.
She's over here
joking about the FBI.
Since when is that funny?
( Phone ringing )
Yeah.
No, wait, hold on a minute.
Go ahead.
Alright, great.
Yeah...
Merry Christmas to you, too.
Mr. Valdez?
That's me.
( laughing )
I know you.
You look like maybe someone,
I don't know...
He's the designata drive.
Me?
( Mocking )
no, you the designata drive.
No, no, you, you, it's you.
- You!
- No.
Airport Ramada, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, let's go, c'mon.
How was dinner?
Good.
Was Charmaine there?
Yep.
She looks good, doesn't she?
What, are you disappointed?
Her husband dumped her, you thought
she was gonna look like a krull?
A krull?
A crone, a troll, I don't know.
Holiday traffic.
My head is
clanging like a bell.
I got the scooter.
Yay!!
Hello Bedford Falls!
Oh, Jesus.
Merry Christmas!
Enough already.
Merry Christmas, George.
Santa, we still
haven't got one.
You wanna do it?
Me, what do I know about it?
I don't have kids.
You don't have to,
Santa doesn't have any kids.
Yeah, that's strange,
that Mr. and Mrs. Claus
didn't have kids of their own.
Probably why they got
into it in the first place.
I used to think
the elves were their kids.
They were running
a sweatshop over there.
There was something on TV,
the original elves were ugly,
traveled with Santa
to throw bad kids a beatin',
and he gave the good ones toys.
The fuckin' Grinch.
Maybe that's where
they got the idea.
And fuckin' Dr. Seuss
ripped it off.
That Grinch, man,
that's where the money is.
A couple hundred mil.
Put Jim Carrey
in the motherfucker.
Tony...
Hey!
I got stuff for
the party, toys.
From me and junior.
They're not wrapped, but this way
they can see what they're getting.
Tell junior thank you.
What?
Ho-fuckin'-ho.
You're right.
What are you talking about?
You wanna play Santa Claus
at the party this year?
No, I can't do that.
Why not?
I don't know, I don't know how.
What's to know? You ask 'em
what they want for Christmas,
you give 'em a nice toy,
and that's the end of it.
- No, not me, I can't.
- Yes, you can.
- I can't!
- Why not?
I'm shy.
The boss of this
family told you
you're gonna be Santa Claus,
you're Santa Claus.
So, shut the fuck up about it.
A strange and macabre
Christmas story,
another sad incidence
of continuing violence
against livery drivers.
In downtown Newark, police
were called to the scene
of what appeared to be
a Christmas prank gone awry.
Livery driver Igor Parnasky
was found trapped
under Santa's sleigh,
and severely beaten
inside the window display
at Curran's sporting goods.
The Russian emigre
also suffered
injuries from broken glass.
From his description
of his assailants,
police are questioning members
of a marauding youth gang...
Oh, my God!
Their turf.
Merry Christmas.
Reporting live
from downtown Newark...
Oh, my...
Aaron, honey, honey?
Yeah?
I think I know what's
missing from the song.
It's the brother concept.
He ain't heavy?
No, I mean, not exactly.
Maybe we can try
to get something down.
Jan, you're crying.
Sometimes we really
don't see our loved ones.
( Christmas music playing )
Hi, whatcha doing?
Just enjoying the tree.
I love this time of year.
Me, too.
You're home early.
Hunter went into
the city with Hadley.
So, where's Jackie tonight?
He had to go visit a friend
of his in the hospital.
Oh, no, who?
Someone from school,
they think it's appendicitis.
Oh, my God.
So, you and Jackie
are getting pretty close, huh?
That new angel
looks really great.
That's what he said.
Wanna see 50 GS?
Holy shit!
What is that, sapphires?
Yeah, my wife better like it.
Wild Turkey, neat.
How you doin'?
Fine. How are you?
Carmela was right,
you look great.
Thank you.
I'm trying to
give you a compliment.
Well, don't.
What's your fuckin' problem?
All these years, I've sat here
and I kept my mouth shut.
I didn't want you and
your boys comin' in here.
And look what happened,
look what you've
done to my husband.
Artie?
I'm trying to help him.
Yeah, well, good luck,
because he's a friggin' mess.
Let's get the fuck outta here.
Where to?
Who gives a shit?
A new joint just
opened on 46th,
I been meaning to check out
the competition.
Come on.
♪ Come, they told me,
Pa, rum, pa, pa, pum ♪
♪ A new born king to see,
Pa, rum, pa, pa, pum ♪
I Our finest gifts we bring,
Pa, rum, pa, pa, pum ♪
I To lay before the king,
Pa, rum, pa, pa, pum S'
♪ Rum, pa, pa, pum,
Rum, pa, pa, pum ♪
S' So, to honor him,
Pa, rum, pa, pa, pum ♪
I' When we come ♪
Tony!
Hey, what's goin' on?
Gettin' a little lovin'?
It's not what you think.
C'mon.
C'mon, it's alright,
I just wanna talk to you.
C'mon.
It's a bachelor party,
my frat brothers.
I didn't do anything!
Shut up!
Put your hands up,
put your hands up!
No... please.
C'mon, you fuck!
You fuckin' pussy
piece of shit.
All I did was tell your old man
what a good kid you were,
and all you do
is fuckin' hurt me.
I'm sorry!
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
What's this?
Hmm?
Nice.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
You bottomed out.
What do you mean?
You bottomed out.
I wish I could get up
at 11:30 every morning
after being out all night,
God knows where.
( Pots and pans banging )
Stop with the pots and pans.
Where were you last night?
Nowhere, I wasn't anywhere.
I was the monogamy
poster boy, swear to God.
Oh, please.
Well, I break up with
the so-called Russian whore,
I'm towing the line,
and this is the thanks I get!
What about Charmaine?
Charmaine?
Mm-hmm, I know
all about you.
What?
I didn't do anything.
Yeah, you did in high school.
High school?
Don't try to deny it.
Oh, okay, high school, okay.
Her husband dumps her and
she never looked so good?
You gotta ask yourself why.
I didn't do nothing.
I didn't do nothing!
It's too late. I don't believe
anything you say.
My wife had her doubts
about Jackie Jr...
and all along I kept defending
the little two-faced prick.
Do you feel responsible
for their relationship?
Meadow thinks she'd still be
going out with the Oreo cookie
if it wasn't for me.
Well, that's true, isn't it?
The question is, what am I
gonna do about Jackie?
Should I tell my wife?
Meadow, Jesus, she's...
It'd break her heart
if she knew.
On another subject,
I was thinking about
what we were talking about
last time you were here.
You know, your friend who was working
for the federal government?
Granted I get
most of my information
from the movies
and Bill Curtis.
But I was thinking...
They're around
the block out there.
Biggest one yet.
Where's the friggin' beard?
I saw it in the box.
It's gotta be there.
Even without padding,
the suit's too small
on this fatso.
Motherfucker.
What, Ton'?
He was wearing a wire...
when he came to the party
he already had the suit on.
Alvin!
Okay!
♪ Christmas,
Christmastime is here ♪
Hey, look at this.
Oh...!
You been walking around
like that?
Boosting salvation army
kettles now.
Kevin, go make me a sandwich.
Okay, dad.
He's a method actor.
Getting into character like Al.
Yeah...
"it was you, Fredo."
Look at that,
don't even need a pillow.
Hey!
Watch the suit!
He can't make a joke?
What, are you
Mr. Sensitive over here?
Chrissy, ashtrays.
Tony...
this problem
with the red-tag garbage dumping
in Paden City...
Fuckin' Christmas,
he wants to
talk about medical waste?
I just want to double-check that the
way is paved for us to go down there,
we reached out to EPA guy
like we told Barone.
That reminds me, Tony,
Dick called this morning.
I'm fuckin' talkin' and
stop fuckin' interruptin'!
- The fuck is wrong with you?!
- Fuck you!
Hey, hey, hey!
Take it easy! Ton'.
- What's the matter with you?!
- The fuck with you.
Jesus Christ.
Oh, it's as cold as
your sister's tit out there.
You should see the crowd
of little people.
Jackie Jr.,
how you doin', huh?
You look great.
Hey, Jackie, tell 'em what you told
me in the car on the way over here.
Come on, the capital of Canada.
The kid's got it up here.
Give me your coat, c'mon.
Crissy, let 'em in
for chrissake.
One, two, three, four,
open up the stupid door!
( Kids cheering )
Go see Santa,
right this way.
Ho, ho, ho!
Merry Christmas,
come on in, children!
Don't be afraid,
c'mon, sweetheart.
Come sit on Santa's lap.
Oh...!
Have you been a good girl?
What do you want for Christmas?
I want a new doll
and a kitchen.
You want a new doll
and a kitchen.
Here's something, Dad.
I mean, Santa.
My little elf here's
got a little snow on the brain.
He called me Dad.
You like it?
Big enough to be your sister.
Merry Christmas.
Thank you, Santa.
Oh, how cute.
Who's next?
C'mon, don't be shy,
ho, ho, ho!
Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas.
Next in line, we got
a lotta people to go, c'mon.
What do you want?
Merry Christmas.
Wait a minute.
I gotta give you
a present, here.
C'mon, single file over here!
C'mon, next one in line!
It would kill him to say
"Ho, ho, ho"?
You were just here.
I was not.
Yeah, you were, you were
on my lap five minutes ago.
- No, I wasn't.
- Yes, you were.
Now you're going on Santa's list
and you're getting nothing!
Fuck you, Santa!
Hey!
Hey!
Gregorio!
How dare you talk
that way to Santa.
He never talks
that way at home.
My friend, you don't talk
that way to Santa.
Get back there,
tell Santa you're sorry.
Go on.
I'm sorry, Santa.
That's better.
I don't care, you are punished.
What the hell's
wrong with you, Bobby?
You got kids of your own.
I didn't wanna do this.
Shyness is a curse.
Why don't you lighten up
a little bit? It's Christmas.
C' mere, honey.
Don't be scared of Santa.
C'mon, there you go.
Next year he goes
to Santa school.
Fuckin' ho hum, if you ask me.
I don't miss Pussy's
fake fuckin' good cheer,
tell you the truth.
Let him stay with the fish.
Why'd you go to
that psychic last year?
Since you don't
dwell on this shit.
That was different.
Chrissy was shot.
That was a paranormal event.
What the fuck
are you talking about?
That psychic told you those guys were
haunting you. The guys that you...
Pussy, I loved that cocksucker
like a brother
and he fucked me in the ass.
That's the difference
between Puss and the others.
Him you loved.
The world don't run on love.
He was a rat bastard.
One thing you got to admit,
he made a great Santa Claus.
He did.
In the end, fuck Santa Claus.
Another sweater.
That's from Nana.
( Doorbell )
You'll tell her how much you like it.
Who could that be so early?
Let me see, maybe it'll fit me.
It's not bad,
better than last year.
Jackie Jr., hi.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas, Aunt Carm.
It's okay if I come in?
We're just
opening our presents.
Merry Christmas, Ton'.
Good morning.
Merry Christmas.
These are from Mom
for everybody.
This is for you.
Wow, thank you.
Let me get your present.
No, you can open
yours first if you want.
Okay.
This is so beautiful, Jackie,
thank you.
There's something on the back.
"To M.S. from J.A.
I will
always be true."
Oh, Jackie.
I'll be right back.
C'mere, let me see that.
Can I talk to you?
I flunked out of Rutgers.
I'm sorry, I know I fucked up.
I got distracted this year
by things.
Ralph said I was probably
wasting my time
- if I didn't have the aptitude.
- Ralph?
You know, he didn't
go to school,
and look at the money he was
making when he was my age.
And the piece,
my car got broken into a couple
of times at the frat house,
so Ralph gave it to me.
It was fuckin' stupid,
I know it.
But Tony, I'm gonna
be alright now.
I'm gonna design men's suits.
Meadow thinks I should
go to the Fashion Institute.
I really think I could be good
if I applied myself.
You bullshit me
and you betray my daughter.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Go back inside.
I'm gonna be frank on this.
I haven't decided
what to do with you.
Comin' through!
You can't stay?
I still have to
give you your present.
I'm driving Mom up
to the home to see Grandma.
Thank you for
my beautiful necklace.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
Go be with your family
and open your presents.
Love you.
Oh, my God.
Lemme see, Mom.
Look at this.
Wow.
Mmm.
Well, uh,
this is gonna seem
really stupid after that,
but it's your turn, Dad.
This is for you.
I didn't think you were
gonna get me anything.
After...
It's Christmas.
Thank you.
Come on, open it.
What is it?
Who knows.
"Big Mouth Billy Bass",
what is that?
Oh, those are good.
Wait till you see what it does.
What does it do?
You'll see.
I know I give you
a lot of stuff, Dad,
I don't know
what you do with it,
but,
I want to see this
on your desk, promise?
Yeah.
( Music playing )
Oh my God. That is hilarious.
♪ I'd love
to stay... ♪
Wait, mom.
♪ But, take me to the river ♪
♪ Drop me in the water ♪
What a riot.
♪ Take me to the river ♪
It's cute.
Thanks, honey.
♪ Take me to the river ♪
♪ Jesus told me ♪
♪ Everything is
gonna be alright ♪
♪ I Oh, Jesus told me ♪
♪ Everything
is gonna be alright ♪
♪ Jesus told me ♪
♪ Everything
is gonna be alright ♪
♪ Be alright, oh, be alright ♪
♪ I Be alright... ♪
♪ Be alright, be alright ♪
♪ I Gonna be alright,
gonna be alright ♪
♪ Jesus told me ♪
♪ Everything
is gonna be alright ♪
♪ I Oh, be alright ♪
♪ Yes, it is ♪
♪ I Be alright ♪
♪ I know for myself,
it's gonna be alright ♪
♪ I Be alright ♪
♪ Yeah, everything's
gonna be alright ♪
♪ I Be alright ♪
♪ I have no doubt
it'll be alright ♪
♪ In my mind I know it is ♪
♪ It's gonna be alright ♪
♪ I Be alright ♪
♪ I Everything ♪
♪ I Everything ♪
♪ I Everything ♪
♪ I Everything ♪
♪ I Everything ♪