The Six Million Dollar Man (1974–1978): Season 4, Episode 18 - Carnival of Spies - full transcript
A scientist covers up his sabotage of a B-1 Bomber experiment.
FLIGHT COM:
It looks good at NASA One.
B- 52 >PILOT:
Roger.
BCS Arm switch is on.
FLIGHT COM:
Okay, Victor.
B-52 PILOT:
Landing Rocket Arm switch is on.
Here comes the throttle.
Circuit breakers in.
STEVE:
We have separation.
B-52 PILOT:
Inboard and outboards are on.
I'm comin' forward with the side stick.
FLIGHT COM:
Looks good.
PILOT:
Ah, Roger.
STEVE:
I've got a blowout in damper three.
SR-71 PILOT:
Get your pitch to zero.
STEVE:
Pitch is out. I can't hold altitude!
B-52 PILOT: Correction. Alpha Hold is oil“.
Threat selector is emergency.
STEVE: Flight Com. I can't hold it!
She's breaking up! She's breaking...
ANNOUNCER:
Steve Austin. Astronaut.
A man barely alive.
Gentlemen, we can rebuild him.
We have the technology.
We have the capability
to make the world's first bionic man.
Steve Austin will be that man.
Better than he was before.
Better, stronger, faster.
(MAIN TITLE THEME)
OSCAR: Hi, Steve.
Rudy, Jim, Oscar.
Finally. You certainly cut it thin.
Wait a minute.
You gotta be kidding.
Do you realize I've come all the way
from the Arizona back country...
Steve, you don't understand.
You don't understand.
I rode a horse to the ranch, took a Jeep
into town, took a 747 to Los Angeles...
and a taxi from the airport for what?
A lunch.
Lunch? I ate on the plane.
With Professor Ulrich Rau
of East Germany.
Wait a minute. You mean
the East German scientist...
that designed entire
ground-to-air weapons system?
Is that Rau?
Quite a surprise, huh?
Ring for the elevator, Schmidt.
You have to be told everything?
No, professor.
But we do have to be careful.
He's never been allowed west
of the curtain before.
What does he want?
He sent me a list of all the things
he'd like to see when he's here.
I'm sure. Military bases, installations,
proving grounds.
No, no, none of that.
On top of the list, he said that
he wanted to meet...
(WITH GERMAN ACCENT)
the famous American astronaut,
Colonel Steve Austin.
Wait a minute.
What's he really want?
We're not positive.
But we are gonna start testing the avionics
of a new B-1 Bomber this week. Get it?
So you think Rau's been sent here
to direct some sort of sabotage attempt?
We don't know, Steve.
Maybe it's just a coincidence.
Him arriving the same week
as we start the tests. No way of knowing.
Give him the capsule.
This is enormous!
Can't I just pretend to...
No. One of their doctors
may get to your first.
Look, how does my meeting with Rau
for lunch have any effect?
You're not gonna have
lunch with him.
Wait a minute.
I'm not gonna have lunch with him?
I want you to take a
good look at his face, Steve.
Here he comes.
STEVE: The one with the beard?
OSCAR: Right.
Remember that face, pal.
Professor Rau, Oscar Goldman.
Mr. Goldman!
May I present
Dr. Rudy Wells.
Doctor.
Professor.
I've heard of you, Mr. Goldman...
and your very efficient organization.
Are you going to keep a watch on me?
Not at all, Professor.
I'm just here to see that your stay
in America is a pleasant one.
Of course.
And to prove my intentions,
may I present Colonel Steve Austin.
Ah, your so famous astronaut.
An honor and extreme pleasure
to meet you, Colonel Austin.
Thank you very much, professor.
Colonel Austin, we must
have a serious discussion.
I'd enjoy that, professor.
Then you will sit
with me at the lunch.
A small adjustment in the seating,
eh, Mr. Goldman?
I'm sure that can be arranged.
Excellent. All right.
Come along we will talk.
(GASPS)
Professor!
Sit him down over there, Oscar.
What is it?
I can't be sure.
Looks like he's having a heart attack.
I have to get him to a hospital
for an examination.
No, our doctors must examine him.
There's no time for politics.
This man needs an ambulance.
No ambulance, no hospital.
We will take him to his room.
You don't understand.
He could be having a heart attack.
You could be the cause of his death.
So could you, Dr. Wells.
(GASPING CONTINUES)
Something's not right, Rudy.
Not right.
Too strong. The reaction
was very uncomfortable.
As you can see it was necessary
that the symptoms were real.
Now quickly.
Over here.
RAU: We're being followed.
He's maintained that position
for the last 30 miles.
He's stopped,
or turned off somewhere...
but I'm still not satisfied
with the security arrangements.
Just wait.
What is it?
Shh, shh.
Are we being followed?
Probably not.
But it wouldn't matter much...
This is where we throw them off.
How?
Because we got the only
transportation for miles around.
(MOTOR HUMS)
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(BIONIC EYE SOUND EFFECT)
It's almost too bad
someone wasn't following us.
Such frustration!
Unless he thought to
bring a boat with him.
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
Steve, when I got back to Washington,
I came straight to the office.
I've been waiting to
hear from you all night.
What word did they put out
on Professor Rau?
His doctor... that's his doctor now...
Said that he had a heart attack.
So, he'd be confined in his hotel suite?
For two or three days.
I sent over a basket of fruit.
Now what's really happening, Steve?
Have you stuck with him?
It wasn't easy, I don't think
he expected to be followed.
The B-1 Bomber is now at Edwards Air
Force Base. Are you anywhere near there?
No, we went in the opposite direction...
to a carnival.
What? Steve?
Sounds like you said a carnival.
Yeah, well what's it sound
like to you, Oscar?
(ANIMATRONS LAUGH)
What is he doing there?
STEVE: Well, at the moment,
he's watching the strong man.
Before that, he won a doll
at the rifle range.
I'll send over some
additional surveillance.
Sounds like he's gonna use that crowd
to make another getaway.
Maybe not. He put on
a pretty good move last night.
I think he's feeling pretty secure.
Wait a minute, Oscar.
Look like he's going into
the fortune teller's booth.
All right, I'll have the
fortune teller checked out.
You stick with Rau, no matter
what he does or where he goes.
I'll call you back.
I am R...
(WITH FOREIGN ACCENT)
No, do not speak.
Tell me nothing.
Simply let the vibrations flow
on the ether of silence.
Sit.
Yes, I perceive you are
deeply troubled and afraid.
I'm afraid I don't believe in vibrations...
or crystal balls or palm reading.
Only in astrology.
The mysteries of the stars
are not unknown.
If you care to tell me your birth sign...
Aquarius with Venus rising.
In what house?
Tenth house.
(NO ACCENT)
We've been expecting you,
Professor Rau.
Now may we dispense with all this
nonsense of code words and signals?
It's all so childish.
But proper security.
Is there any possibility that
you're still under surveillance?
I can assure you it was humanly
impossible for anyone to have followed me.
Oh, that's close. Close.
But no prize yet.
Try it again.
One more time.
Hi, I'm, uh...
No. Do not speak.
Say nothing.
Let the vibrations flow
on the ether of silence.
You may sit.
Don't you cross your palm with
silver first?
Paper money would be much silenter.
All right.
Five dollars if you tell me
where Uncle Walter went?
Yes. I see a gentle old man...
in a faraway country.
That was a quick trip.
He was right here two minutes ago.
He was?
Didn't you see him?
No.
He came in through there
and he never came out again.
You must've looked away.
Where's the back door?
There isn't any.
Windows? Sliding panels?
Sorry.
What there is, is what you see.
What I don't see is Uncle Walter.
Then he wasn't here.
Uncle Walter was carrying this doll.
That proves he was in here,
Madame Shira.
And this proves
I'm not Madame Shira.
Ever see a blonde fortune teller?
Where's Madame Shira?
I take over for her once in a while.
Harder, Grandpa.
Harder!
Can't let the little girl down
now, can you, Gramps?
Oh, Grampa.
I don't understand where
you could've gone wrong.
Simplest malfunction, Professor.
Where?
I don't know.
I sent you complete sets
of the plans, didn't I?
Yes, sir.
All the modules were all delivered?
Yes, sir.
No missing components,
nothing damaged in transit?
No, sir.
I checked everything myself.
But when it was assembled...
Then what has malfunctioned
is your brain.
Don't worry.
Nothing's going to happen.
Perhaps Shira probably
took your uncle to the trailer.
What? Where's her trailer?
Is that them there?
Where?
Over there by the merry-go-round.
That looks like Shira,
isn't that your uncle?
(BIONIC EYE SOUND EFFECT)
No, Uncle Walter's got a beard.
And he's not my uncle.
Walter's not your uncle?
No, and his name isn't Walter.
Well, what does that make you?
Look, you said they may
have went to their trailer.
Which way is that?
I know what I said,
and I know what you said, too.
It was a lie.
No, it wasn't a lie.
You see, that was just a cover story.
I'm really a detective.
I'm on the trail of an embezzler.
Uncle Walter?
Yeah, he's trying to slip out
of the country with all the loot.
Oooh. If that's true,
I'd be glad to help.
You would?
Yeah, Okay.
You stay here.
Uh, wait a minute.
Sol must come all
the way from Liepsik...
expose myself to the Americans...
swallow nasty capsules
and risk my life in midnight rides...
because you don't understand?
We're not all geniuses, professor,
We're only engineers.
Wait a minute.
You shouldn't leave your booth.
Oh, it's okay.
What if your boss finds out?
The boss is my father.
He owns the place.
That's very interesting, but...
Durbin. Kim Durbin.
You see, if Uncle Walter finds out
I'm on his trail, I might lose him.
Oh, but he won't.
I can be very discreet.
Well...
It may take a genius a week
to undo the damage!
A week is worse than useless.
You know that, Professor.
It must be ready for Saturday.
(KNOCKING)
In there.
Kim, dear. Tired of telling
fortunes already?
Can I have a minute?
Of course, dear.
Come on.
Hi, Mr. Lower.
Good morning, Miss Durban.
This is my situation.
I have this client and he's searching
for his uncle. Uncle Walter?
He's asked me to look in the crystal ball
and see where he might be.
I said of course I would.
KIM: But first, I had to close up
for a few minutes.
I came straight over here to ask you.
I see. Well.
What you tell him is this:
You see his uncle
somewhere in Europe.
No, you don't understand.
His uncle's the man you were with.
He's the one who left the stuffed
animal in your booth a while ago.
Now, if you know where he went...
Um, as a matter of fact, I do.
SHIRA: He went back
to the place he's staying at.
A farm down the highway a few miles.
I believe he said it's called the, urn...
Lonesome Water Ranch.
Lonesome Water Ranch.
Gee, thanks.
Kim...
You know, he'll really think
I can look into a crystal ball.
Are you sure the mark is his nephew?
What does he look like?
Oh, you know, uh...
he's like the old man,
except younger.
He's clean shaven,
he's got dark hair but thinning.
And he's kind of short and fat.
Gee, thanks a lot.
So you are not under
surveillance, Professor.
It wasn't humanly possible
for anyone to follow me!
Then someone has inhumanly
followed you here.
A case of mistaken identity.
Herman, phone the ranch.
Warn Wessler.
Whoever shows up there
will be an American agent.
What do you want Wessler to do?
Whatever is necessary.
All right.
What will be necessary?
Professor, you take care of the
science, I'll handle the security.
Once more, Grandpa, please?
I just can't do it, honey.
I guess I didn't really want
one of those dolls anyway.
Do you think you could
do it, mister?
I'll sure give it my best try.
Wait. Just a minute.
Just a minute.
How do I know you're not
a professional strongman?
You could damage my equipment.
I'll take it easy. Come on, Gramps.
Give me that.
Okay.
Now your solemn promise that
you won't break the machine, huh?
You got it.
(PEG SLIDES UP THEN BACK DOWN)
Gee, Gramps did better than that.
That was just a practice swing.
Well, I guess we better all kinda
step back, watch out this time, huh?
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(BELL CLANGS)
Wow!
(BELL WHISTLES, CLANGS)
Sorry about that.
Now just a minute, here.
I'd like to talk to you.
Yeah, after me, Kim.
This wowser just broke my machine!
Well, serves you right.
You probably got the choke full on.
Come with me.
Okay, kid. Is that the one you want?
Yeah.
Did you find Uncle Walter?
I know where he is.
Oh, you do?
That's nice work.
Not only beautiful, but brilliant.
Don't schmooze me, Ace.
I wanna know who Uncle Walter really is...
who you are
and what' you're all up to.
If you just level with me,
I'll level with you.
My name's Steve.
And I'm a detective.
Okay, officer, flash your buzzer.
I'm a private detective.
All right, let's see your license.
License?
I guess I left it in my other suit.
Private eyes don't own two suits.
Get lost.
No, wait, wait just a minute please.
I'll level with you.
I work for the government.
I'm a government agent.
Oh, boy.
Kim, it's true.
Listen, I've got to find that man.
Don't manhandle me, mister.
Kim, you gotta believe me.
Move it or lose it!
Kim...
Don't bend anything, Hercules, if he goes
quietly. Just make sure he goes.
I'm gonna check out Uncle Walter's story.
Maybe he's the cop and
you're the embezzler.
I'll be running along now, Herc,
if you'll just let go of the shoulder.
Thanks.
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(PHONE RINGS)
Yeah?
(INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE)
The minute someone
walks through the door.
(GUN CLICKS)
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(METAL CREAKING)
Was he going to
shoot me? Why?
You shouldn't have come here.
Why not, it's my father's carnival.
What's your father's carnival
got to do with Uncle Walter?
Well, I don't know.
But Madame Shira said the man
you were looking for was here.
That information was meant for me.
This trap was meant for me.
(DIALING)
Why would they wanna kill you?
It's a long story.
They'll try again now that
you told Shira about me.
I didn't say anything.
I said you were short, fat and bald.
(PHONE RINGS)
Hello, Oscar?
Yes, Steve?
Send a clean up crew to a place
called Lonesome Water Ranch.
Who's Oscar?
Shhh.
It's out on highway 12 about
eight miles past the county line.
I'll take care of it.
Have you found Rau yet?
No, I think he's still
with the carnival.
Wrong...
wrong and wrong!
How could it not malfunction?
Such incompetence passes
all understanding.
I'm sorry, Professor.
Can't you rewire it
in time for Saturday?
I'll have to, or it's all
been for nothing.
Pop was letting
an awful lot of people go.
People who had been with him
the longest, old friends.
He said he didn't have
any money to pay them.
And yet, he could afford to
buy all new equipment...
and he hired new people
to operate it.
Who are the new people?
Madame Shira, and there's
Herman Lower, the chief mechanic.
We even have a new Hercules.
Where do you think
the money came from?
I don't know but I'm afraid Pop's
gotten involved with criminals.
Or worse?
It could be foreign agents.
Foreign?
Are you really
with the government?
Yes.
Turn that thing off.
I think we better split up.
You do? Why?
I don't think we should
be seen together.
And we can cover
more ground separately.
I'll meet you back here.
What time?
After dark.
What are you going to do?
Check around, have my fortune told.
Okay, I'll check out
Madame Shira's trailer.
I don't think you should.
It's too dangerous.
For you, too.
It's my job.
It's my father.
It's a beauty, isn't it, Oscar?
I agree, George.
All we've gotta do now is prove
that this B-1 Bomber is capable...
of everything that we said it was.
I don't like the entire program
resting on this one test.
Why? Do you think
it's gonna be a failure?
No.
What then, George? Sabotage?
No, security's been airtight.
It's just... well there's
so many imponderables.
A minor malfunction, pilot error...
ground crew oversight.
Well, we'll just have to see that
that doesn't happen.
There are a lot of people that are
opposed to this program, George.
I'm leaving for California in half an hour.
Please keep me abreast
of all the developments.
You've got it, Oscar.
You're certain this is secure?
Oh, yes, Professor.
I just checked.
Good.
We have run out of time, Professor.
The test flight of the new
B-1 Bomber is tomorrow.
On paper, it looks fine.
If it doesn't work, now...
Are you saying it's repaired?
Everything is operational?
I won't know until I've done a trial run.
(CARNIVAL CHATTER)
PASSENGER: Hey! What's going on?
PASSENGER 2: Why are
we going backwards?
PASSENGER 3: Hey, down there!
Make up your mind! Forward or backward?
PASSENGER 3: Come on!
Step fooling around!
Mommy! It's going backwards!
Whoa, boy!
There's something wrong
with the merry-go-round.
STEVE: Something wrong
with the Ferris wheel, too.
(PASSENGERS YELLING)
KIM: It's not supposed to do that!
It seems the whole carnival is rigged.
But to do what?
Radar tracking system on.
Target air velocity?
590.
Alright.
Altitude.
21,000 feet.
Range, nine miles.
Mark.
Heading 228.
Mark.
Guidance system locked.
The target is the San Francisco
to Los Angeles night flight.
If I were to press this button...
all those people will have
a change of destination.
It's operational?
Tomorrow, we press this button.
Okay, there were plans spread
out on the table in the trailer...
but none of it made any
sense to me.
Maybe it was something
Herman was trying to fix.
Where's Shira's trailer?
Here, I'll take you.
No, no, no.
You just point.
Come on, Ace...
Just point.
Okay, now you go back to the midway,
and don't let anybody sneak up on me.
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
Isn't it a lovely night?
Yes, it is.
Yes, lovely.
Funny, the weather
bureau predicted rain.
I know, dear,
but they're not always right.
Good thing.
Business is bad even
in good weather.
Yes, well, this time of the year,
a little rain can be expected.
Um...
Is something wrong, dear?
No, no.
Then we'll say goodnight,
Miss Durban.
Good night.
(LOUD THUD)
So, this is the American agent.
HERCULES: I caught him
snooping around.
He had the plans.
He's seen the plans.
It really doesn't matter
what he's seen, does it?
We can't do anything to him here.
I agree.
Have two of your men drive him
into the mountains. Immediately.
Make sure he has an accident.
Right.
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(SNAPS)
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
Radar tracking system on.
Target air velocity.
2150.
Steve!
Range, 16 miles.
Mark.
Where's the giant ape?
Why?
I saw the plans.
This whole carnival is
a surface-to-air missile launcher.
The control center is
somewhere near a giant ape.
Where is it?
What is this craziness
about missiles?
Look, that centrifuge
is a launching arm.
The carousel, it's a radar dish.
And the calypso is a generator.
This whole thing was
a big joke, wasn't it?
First, your Uncle Walter...
Steve!
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
Get me down from here!
Let it down!
Where's that ape?
Never mind, it's too late for that.
Guidance system on.
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(METAL CREAKING)
And... now!
Where's the giant ape?
A Laugh In The Dark.
Five seconds to impact... four...
three... two....
It missed!
Impossible!
The launch angle is 1/16 of an inch off
Professor Rau's setting! Did you alter it?
No, no, no!
It must be a malfunction.
Reset and fire
the back-up missile.
Stop him!
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
How do you turn this thing off?
What?
I said how do you turn this thing off?
Thank you.
Let's get out of here.
(TIRES SCREECH)
Well, good evening, Professor.
Mr. Goldman.
I was just on my way out.
Yes, we have a driver waiting
to take you to the airport.
Airport? I'm going to the final
session of the convention.
Change of plans, Professor.
But I'm scheduled to give
a major address.
I've notified the committee
you've had another "heart attack".
I'm being arrested?
Deported. We've already
arrested your carnival people.
They'll keep the courts
busy for years.
This is barbaric.
I am a scientist.
One of the best, Professor.
Oh, excuse me.
You haven't met Colonel Austin.
Colonel Steve Austin, Professor Rau.
I will protest... Colonel Austin?
It's an honor to meet you, Professor.
This is Colonel Austin?
I'm one of your
greatest admirers.
That carnival weapon system of yours...
Oh, I don't pretend to
understand it because I don't.
This is not the Colonel Austin...
But our scientists will figure it out.
They're working on it right now.
That's why we're going
to keep it, Professor.
I'm sure you understand.
Mr. Goldman...
I suppose you know what will happen
to me when I get back home?
Going down, Professor?
(END THEME MUSIC)
It looks good at NASA One.
B- 52 >PILOT:
Roger.
BCS Arm switch is on.
FLIGHT COM:
Okay, Victor.
B-52 PILOT:
Landing Rocket Arm switch is on.
Here comes the throttle.
Circuit breakers in.
STEVE:
We have separation.
B-52 PILOT:
Inboard and outboards are on.
I'm comin' forward with the side stick.
FLIGHT COM:
Looks good.
PILOT:
Ah, Roger.
STEVE:
I've got a blowout in damper three.
SR-71 PILOT:
Get your pitch to zero.
STEVE:
Pitch is out. I can't hold altitude!
B-52 PILOT: Correction. Alpha Hold is oil“.
Threat selector is emergency.
STEVE: Flight Com. I can't hold it!
She's breaking up! She's breaking...
ANNOUNCER:
Steve Austin. Astronaut.
A man barely alive.
Gentlemen, we can rebuild him.
We have the technology.
We have the capability
to make the world's first bionic man.
Steve Austin will be that man.
Better than he was before.
Better, stronger, faster.
(MAIN TITLE THEME)
OSCAR: Hi, Steve.
Rudy, Jim, Oscar.
Finally. You certainly cut it thin.
Wait a minute.
You gotta be kidding.
Do you realize I've come all the way
from the Arizona back country...
Steve, you don't understand.
You don't understand.
I rode a horse to the ranch, took a Jeep
into town, took a 747 to Los Angeles...
and a taxi from the airport for what?
A lunch.
Lunch? I ate on the plane.
With Professor Ulrich Rau
of East Germany.
Wait a minute. You mean
the East German scientist...
that designed entire
ground-to-air weapons system?
Is that Rau?
Quite a surprise, huh?
Ring for the elevator, Schmidt.
You have to be told everything?
No, professor.
But we do have to be careful.
He's never been allowed west
of the curtain before.
What does he want?
He sent me a list of all the things
he'd like to see when he's here.
I'm sure. Military bases, installations,
proving grounds.
No, no, none of that.
On top of the list, he said that
he wanted to meet...
(WITH GERMAN ACCENT)
the famous American astronaut,
Colonel Steve Austin.
Wait a minute.
What's he really want?
We're not positive.
But we are gonna start testing the avionics
of a new B-1 Bomber this week. Get it?
So you think Rau's been sent here
to direct some sort of sabotage attempt?
We don't know, Steve.
Maybe it's just a coincidence.
Him arriving the same week
as we start the tests. No way of knowing.
Give him the capsule.
This is enormous!
Can't I just pretend to...
No. One of their doctors
may get to your first.
Look, how does my meeting with Rau
for lunch have any effect?
You're not gonna have
lunch with him.
Wait a minute.
I'm not gonna have lunch with him?
I want you to take a
good look at his face, Steve.
Here he comes.
STEVE: The one with the beard?
OSCAR: Right.
Remember that face, pal.
Professor Rau, Oscar Goldman.
Mr. Goldman!
May I present
Dr. Rudy Wells.
Doctor.
Professor.
I've heard of you, Mr. Goldman...
and your very efficient organization.
Are you going to keep a watch on me?
Not at all, Professor.
I'm just here to see that your stay
in America is a pleasant one.
Of course.
And to prove my intentions,
may I present Colonel Steve Austin.
Ah, your so famous astronaut.
An honor and extreme pleasure
to meet you, Colonel Austin.
Thank you very much, professor.
Colonel Austin, we must
have a serious discussion.
I'd enjoy that, professor.
Then you will sit
with me at the lunch.
A small adjustment in the seating,
eh, Mr. Goldman?
I'm sure that can be arranged.
Excellent. All right.
Come along we will talk.
(GASPS)
Professor!
Sit him down over there, Oscar.
What is it?
I can't be sure.
Looks like he's having a heart attack.
I have to get him to a hospital
for an examination.
No, our doctors must examine him.
There's no time for politics.
This man needs an ambulance.
No ambulance, no hospital.
We will take him to his room.
You don't understand.
He could be having a heart attack.
You could be the cause of his death.
So could you, Dr. Wells.
(GASPING CONTINUES)
Something's not right, Rudy.
Not right.
Too strong. The reaction
was very uncomfortable.
As you can see it was necessary
that the symptoms were real.
Now quickly.
Over here.
RAU: We're being followed.
He's maintained that position
for the last 30 miles.
He's stopped,
or turned off somewhere...
but I'm still not satisfied
with the security arrangements.
Just wait.
What is it?
Shh, shh.
Are we being followed?
Probably not.
But it wouldn't matter much...
This is where we throw them off.
How?
Because we got the only
transportation for miles around.
(MOTOR HUMS)
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(BIONIC EYE SOUND EFFECT)
It's almost too bad
someone wasn't following us.
Such frustration!
Unless he thought to
bring a boat with him.
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
Steve, when I got back to Washington,
I came straight to the office.
I've been waiting to
hear from you all night.
What word did they put out
on Professor Rau?
His doctor... that's his doctor now...
Said that he had a heart attack.
So, he'd be confined in his hotel suite?
For two or three days.
I sent over a basket of fruit.
Now what's really happening, Steve?
Have you stuck with him?
It wasn't easy, I don't think
he expected to be followed.
The B-1 Bomber is now at Edwards Air
Force Base. Are you anywhere near there?
No, we went in the opposite direction...
to a carnival.
What? Steve?
Sounds like you said a carnival.
Yeah, well what's it sound
like to you, Oscar?
(ANIMATRONS LAUGH)
What is he doing there?
STEVE: Well, at the moment,
he's watching the strong man.
Before that, he won a doll
at the rifle range.
I'll send over some
additional surveillance.
Sounds like he's gonna use that crowd
to make another getaway.
Maybe not. He put on
a pretty good move last night.
I think he's feeling pretty secure.
Wait a minute, Oscar.
Look like he's going into
the fortune teller's booth.
All right, I'll have the
fortune teller checked out.
You stick with Rau, no matter
what he does or where he goes.
I'll call you back.
I am R...
(WITH FOREIGN ACCENT)
No, do not speak.
Tell me nothing.
Simply let the vibrations flow
on the ether of silence.
Sit.
Yes, I perceive you are
deeply troubled and afraid.
I'm afraid I don't believe in vibrations...
or crystal balls or palm reading.
Only in astrology.
The mysteries of the stars
are not unknown.
If you care to tell me your birth sign...
Aquarius with Venus rising.
In what house?
Tenth house.
(NO ACCENT)
We've been expecting you,
Professor Rau.
Now may we dispense with all this
nonsense of code words and signals?
It's all so childish.
But proper security.
Is there any possibility that
you're still under surveillance?
I can assure you it was humanly
impossible for anyone to have followed me.
Oh, that's close. Close.
But no prize yet.
Try it again.
One more time.
Hi, I'm, uh...
No. Do not speak.
Say nothing.
Let the vibrations flow
on the ether of silence.
You may sit.
Don't you cross your palm with
silver first?
Paper money would be much silenter.
All right.
Five dollars if you tell me
where Uncle Walter went?
Yes. I see a gentle old man...
in a faraway country.
That was a quick trip.
He was right here two minutes ago.
He was?
Didn't you see him?
No.
He came in through there
and he never came out again.
You must've looked away.
Where's the back door?
There isn't any.
Windows? Sliding panels?
Sorry.
What there is, is what you see.
What I don't see is Uncle Walter.
Then he wasn't here.
Uncle Walter was carrying this doll.
That proves he was in here,
Madame Shira.
And this proves
I'm not Madame Shira.
Ever see a blonde fortune teller?
Where's Madame Shira?
I take over for her once in a while.
Harder, Grandpa.
Harder!
Can't let the little girl down
now, can you, Gramps?
Oh, Grampa.
I don't understand where
you could've gone wrong.
Simplest malfunction, Professor.
Where?
I don't know.
I sent you complete sets
of the plans, didn't I?
Yes, sir.
All the modules were all delivered?
Yes, sir.
No missing components,
nothing damaged in transit?
No, sir.
I checked everything myself.
But when it was assembled...
Then what has malfunctioned
is your brain.
Don't worry.
Nothing's going to happen.
Perhaps Shira probably
took your uncle to the trailer.
What? Where's her trailer?
Is that them there?
Where?
Over there by the merry-go-round.
That looks like Shira,
isn't that your uncle?
(BIONIC EYE SOUND EFFECT)
No, Uncle Walter's got a beard.
And he's not my uncle.
Walter's not your uncle?
No, and his name isn't Walter.
Well, what does that make you?
Look, you said they may
have went to their trailer.
Which way is that?
I know what I said,
and I know what you said, too.
It was a lie.
No, it wasn't a lie.
You see, that was just a cover story.
I'm really a detective.
I'm on the trail of an embezzler.
Uncle Walter?
Yeah, he's trying to slip out
of the country with all the loot.
Oooh. If that's true,
I'd be glad to help.
You would?
Yeah, Okay.
You stay here.
Uh, wait a minute.
Sol must come all
the way from Liepsik...
expose myself to the Americans...
swallow nasty capsules
and risk my life in midnight rides...
because you don't understand?
We're not all geniuses, professor,
We're only engineers.
Wait a minute.
You shouldn't leave your booth.
Oh, it's okay.
What if your boss finds out?
The boss is my father.
He owns the place.
That's very interesting, but...
Durbin. Kim Durbin.
You see, if Uncle Walter finds out
I'm on his trail, I might lose him.
Oh, but he won't.
I can be very discreet.
Well...
It may take a genius a week
to undo the damage!
A week is worse than useless.
You know that, Professor.
It must be ready for Saturday.
(KNOCKING)
In there.
Kim, dear. Tired of telling
fortunes already?
Can I have a minute?
Of course, dear.
Come on.
Hi, Mr. Lower.
Good morning, Miss Durban.
This is my situation.
I have this client and he's searching
for his uncle. Uncle Walter?
He's asked me to look in the crystal ball
and see where he might be.
I said of course I would.
KIM: But first, I had to close up
for a few minutes.
I came straight over here to ask you.
I see. Well.
What you tell him is this:
You see his uncle
somewhere in Europe.
No, you don't understand.
His uncle's the man you were with.
He's the one who left the stuffed
animal in your booth a while ago.
Now, if you know where he went...
Um, as a matter of fact, I do.
SHIRA: He went back
to the place he's staying at.
A farm down the highway a few miles.
I believe he said it's called the, urn...
Lonesome Water Ranch.
Lonesome Water Ranch.
Gee, thanks.
Kim...
You know, he'll really think
I can look into a crystal ball.
Are you sure the mark is his nephew?
What does he look like?
Oh, you know, uh...
he's like the old man,
except younger.
He's clean shaven,
he's got dark hair but thinning.
And he's kind of short and fat.
Gee, thanks a lot.
So you are not under
surveillance, Professor.
It wasn't humanly possible
for anyone to follow me!
Then someone has inhumanly
followed you here.
A case of mistaken identity.
Herman, phone the ranch.
Warn Wessler.
Whoever shows up there
will be an American agent.
What do you want Wessler to do?
Whatever is necessary.
All right.
What will be necessary?
Professor, you take care of the
science, I'll handle the security.
Once more, Grandpa, please?
I just can't do it, honey.
I guess I didn't really want
one of those dolls anyway.
Do you think you could
do it, mister?
I'll sure give it my best try.
Wait. Just a minute.
Just a minute.
How do I know you're not
a professional strongman?
You could damage my equipment.
I'll take it easy. Come on, Gramps.
Give me that.
Okay.
Now your solemn promise that
you won't break the machine, huh?
You got it.
(PEG SLIDES UP THEN BACK DOWN)
Gee, Gramps did better than that.
That was just a practice swing.
Well, I guess we better all kinda
step back, watch out this time, huh?
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(BELL CLANGS)
Wow!
(BELL WHISTLES, CLANGS)
Sorry about that.
Now just a minute, here.
I'd like to talk to you.
Yeah, after me, Kim.
This wowser just broke my machine!
Well, serves you right.
You probably got the choke full on.
Come with me.
Okay, kid. Is that the one you want?
Yeah.
Did you find Uncle Walter?
I know where he is.
Oh, you do?
That's nice work.
Not only beautiful, but brilliant.
Don't schmooze me, Ace.
I wanna know who Uncle Walter really is...
who you are
and what' you're all up to.
If you just level with me,
I'll level with you.
My name's Steve.
And I'm a detective.
Okay, officer, flash your buzzer.
I'm a private detective.
All right, let's see your license.
License?
I guess I left it in my other suit.
Private eyes don't own two suits.
Get lost.
No, wait, wait just a minute please.
I'll level with you.
I work for the government.
I'm a government agent.
Oh, boy.
Kim, it's true.
Listen, I've got to find that man.
Don't manhandle me, mister.
Kim, you gotta believe me.
Move it or lose it!
Kim...
Don't bend anything, Hercules, if he goes
quietly. Just make sure he goes.
I'm gonna check out Uncle Walter's story.
Maybe he's the cop and
you're the embezzler.
I'll be running along now, Herc,
if you'll just let go of the shoulder.
Thanks.
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(PHONE RINGS)
Yeah?
(INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE)
The minute someone
walks through the door.
(GUN CLICKS)
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(METAL CREAKING)
Was he going to
shoot me? Why?
You shouldn't have come here.
Why not, it's my father's carnival.
What's your father's carnival
got to do with Uncle Walter?
Well, I don't know.
But Madame Shira said the man
you were looking for was here.
That information was meant for me.
This trap was meant for me.
(DIALING)
Why would they wanna kill you?
It's a long story.
They'll try again now that
you told Shira about me.
I didn't say anything.
I said you were short, fat and bald.
(PHONE RINGS)
Hello, Oscar?
Yes, Steve?
Send a clean up crew to a place
called Lonesome Water Ranch.
Who's Oscar?
Shhh.
It's out on highway 12 about
eight miles past the county line.
I'll take care of it.
Have you found Rau yet?
No, I think he's still
with the carnival.
Wrong...
wrong and wrong!
How could it not malfunction?
Such incompetence passes
all understanding.
I'm sorry, Professor.
Can't you rewire it
in time for Saturday?
I'll have to, or it's all
been for nothing.
Pop was letting
an awful lot of people go.
People who had been with him
the longest, old friends.
He said he didn't have
any money to pay them.
And yet, he could afford to
buy all new equipment...
and he hired new people
to operate it.
Who are the new people?
Madame Shira, and there's
Herman Lower, the chief mechanic.
We even have a new Hercules.
Where do you think
the money came from?
I don't know but I'm afraid Pop's
gotten involved with criminals.
Or worse?
It could be foreign agents.
Foreign?
Are you really
with the government?
Yes.
Turn that thing off.
I think we better split up.
You do? Why?
I don't think we should
be seen together.
And we can cover
more ground separately.
I'll meet you back here.
What time?
After dark.
What are you going to do?
Check around, have my fortune told.
Okay, I'll check out
Madame Shira's trailer.
I don't think you should.
It's too dangerous.
For you, too.
It's my job.
It's my father.
It's a beauty, isn't it, Oscar?
I agree, George.
All we've gotta do now is prove
that this B-1 Bomber is capable...
of everything that we said it was.
I don't like the entire program
resting on this one test.
Why? Do you think
it's gonna be a failure?
No.
What then, George? Sabotage?
No, security's been airtight.
It's just... well there's
so many imponderables.
A minor malfunction, pilot error...
ground crew oversight.
Well, we'll just have to see that
that doesn't happen.
There are a lot of people that are
opposed to this program, George.
I'm leaving for California in half an hour.
Please keep me abreast
of all the developments.
You've got it, Oscar.
You're certain this is secure?
Oh, yes, Professor.
I just checked.
Good.
We have run out of time, Professor.
The test flight of the new
B-1 Bomber is tomorrow.
On paper, it looks fine.
If it doesn't work, now...
Are you saying it's repaired?
Everything is operational?
I won't know until I've done a trial run.
(CARNIVAL CHATTER)
PASSENGER: Hey! What's going on?
PASSENGER 2: Why are
we going backwards?
PASSENGER 3: Hey, down there!
Make up your mind! Forward or backward?
PASSENGER 3: Come on!
Step fooling around!
Mommy! It's going backwards!
Whoa, boy!
There's something wrong
with the merry-go-round.
STEVE: Something wrong
with the Ferris wheel, too.
(PASSENGERS YELLING)
KIM: It's not supposed to do that!
It seems the whole carnival is rigged.
But to do what?
Radar tracking system on.
Target air velocity?
590.
Alright.
Altitude.
21,000 feet.
Range, nine miles.
Mark.
Heading 228.
Mark.
Guidance system locked.
The target is the San Francisco
to Los Angeles night flight.
If I were to press this button...
all those people will have
a change of destination.
It's operational?
Tomorrow, we press this button.
Okay, there were plans spread
out on the table in the trailer...
but none of it made any
sense to me.
Maybe it was something
Herman was trying to fix.
Where's Shira's trailer?
Here, I'll take you.
No, no, no.
You just point.
Come on, Ace...
Just point.
Okay, now you go back to the midway,
and don't let anybody sneak up on me.
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
Isn't it a lovely night?
Yes, it is.
Yes, lovely.
Funny, the weather
bureau predicted rain.
I know, dear,
but they're not always right.
Good thing.
Business is bad even
in good weather.
Yes, well, this time of the year,
a little rain can be expected.
Um...
Is something wrong, dear?
No, no.
Then we'll say goodnight,
Miss Durban.
Good night.
(LOUD THUD)
So, this is the American agent.
HERCULES: I caught him
snooping around.
He had the plans.
He's seen the plans.
It really doesn't matter
what he's seen, does it?
We can't do anything to him here.
I agree.
Have two of your men drive him
into the mountains. Immediately.
Make sure he has an accident.
Right.
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(SNAPS)
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
Radar tracking system on.
Target air velocity.
2150.
Steve!
Range, 16 miles.
Mark.
Where's the giant ape?
Why?
I saw the plans.
This whole carnival is
a surface-to-air missile launcher.
The control center is
somewhere near a giant ape.
Where is it?
What is this craziness
about missiles?
Look, that centrifuge
is a launching arm.
The carousel, it's a radar dish.
And the calypso is a generator.
This whole thing was
a big joke, wasn't it?
First, your Uncle Walter...
Steve!
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
Get me down from here!
Let it down!
Where's that ape?
Never mind, it's too late for that.
Guidance system on.
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(METAL CREAKING)
And... now!
Where's the giant ape?
A Laugh In The Dark.
Five seconds to impact... four...
three... two....
It missed!
Impossible!
The launch angle is 1/16 of an inch off
Professor Rau's setting! Did you alter it?
No, no, no!
It must be a malfunction.
Reset and fire
the back-up missile.
Stop him!
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
How do you turn this thing off?
What?
I said how do you turn this thing off?
Thank you.
Let's get out of here.
(TIRES SCREECH)
Well, good evening, Professor.
Mr. Goldman.
I was just on my way out.
Yes, we have a driver waiting
to take you to the airport.
Airport? I'm going to the final
session of the convention.
Change of plans, Professor.
But I'm scheduled to give
a major address.
I've notified the committee
you've had another "heart attack".
I'm being arrested?
Deported. We've already
arrested your carnival people.
They'll keep the courts
busy for years.
This is barbaric.
I am a scientist.
One of the best, Professor.
Oh, excuse me.
You haven't met Colonel Austin.
Colonel Steve Austin, Professor Rau.
I will protest... Colonel Austin?
It's an honor to meet you, Professor.
This is Colonel Austin?
I'm one of your
greatest admirers.
That carnival weapon system of yours...
Oh, I don't pretend to
understand it because I don't.
This is not the Colonel Austin...
But our scientists will figure it out.
They're working on it right now.
That's why we're going
to keep it, Professor.
I'm sure you understand.
Mr. Goldman...
I suppose you know what will happen
to me when I get back home?
Going down, Professor?
(END THEME MUSIC)