The Six Million Dollar Man (1974–1978): Season 3, Episode 13 - Clark Templeton O'Flaherty - full transcript
Somebody inside the OSI has been leaking top secret information and the trail leads to janitor Clark O'Flaherty. But when Steve confronts his former friend, O'Flaherty claims to be working for a another top secret organization, the OGA.
FLIGHT COM:
It looks good at NASA One.
B- 52 >PILOT:
Roger.
BCS Arm switch is on.
FLIGHT COM:
Okay, Victor.
B-52 PILOT:
Landing Rocket Arm switch is on.
Here comes the throttle.
Circuit breakers in.
STEVE:
We have separation.
B-52 PILOT:
Inboard and outboards are on.
I'm comin' forward with the side stick.
FLIGHT COM:
Looks good.
PILOT:
Ah, Roger.
STEVE:
I've got a blowout in damper three.
SR-71 PILOT:
Get your pitch to zero.
STEVE:
Pitch is out. I can't hold altitude!
B-52 PILOT: Correction. Alpha Hold is oil“.
Threat selector is emergency.
STEVE: Flight Com. I can't hold it!
She's breaking up! She's breaking...
ANNOUNCER:
Steve Austin. Astronaut.
A man barely alive.
Gentlemen, we can rebuild him.
We have the technology.
We have the capability
to make the world's first bionic man.
Steve Austin will be that man.
Better than he was before.
Better, stronger, faster.
(MAIN TITLE THEME)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(WHISTLING)
And how are you today?
Fine.
Sure are.
Make no mistake about that.
(WHISTLING)
Hi, Charlie.
Still destroying
government secrets, huh?
Well, somebody's got to do it.
(IRISH ACCENT) Well, if it isn't
Clark Templeton O'Flaherty himself.
(IRISH ACCENT)
Ah, sure. It ishe himself.
Did I ever ask you?
How did you get a name like O'Flaherty?
Well, 'twas the lady in the orphanage.
She thought she'd be funny.
Black Irish, said she.
(BUTTON HUMS)
(BUTTON HUMS)
Having trouble again, Charlie?
Well, this thing breaks down
once a month.
Regular as clockwork.
Do me a favor, O'Flaherty.
Take a look at it.
Maybe you can fix it again.
Otherwise I'll be here all night
with these documents...
until they send a repairman.
Sure, Charlie.
I'll see what I can do.
Well, uh, by the way.
Think I found another winner
for us tomorrow.
(EERIE MUSIC)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Hello, Louis?
Hi, it's me, Charlie.
Ay, listen. On the 4 o'clock...
I'd like to put six on Dirty Mary
and Sneaky Pete.
I made the bet.
Me bookie says you're crazy.
Oh, keep the faith, Charlie.
Here you go, Charlie.
Try it again.
(SHREDDER HUMS)
O'Flaherty, you're a genius.
And a credit to all Ireland.
Now, you wouldn't be puttin' me on,
now would you?
(WHISTLING)
Hey? Where you been?
We're gonna be late.
How could we be late?
We only get the handball court till 5:30.
By the time we get there and change,
it'll be after that.
Well, you see, man, if you could use your
influence to get me a better job...
I could be on time.
Oh, you're nuts.
(O'FLAHERTY LAUGHS)
You guys keep such an eagle eye
on this place...
I can't get away with nothing.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Now the purpose is to test the strength
of the artificial skin, Colonel Austin.
So you don't have to be afraid
to hit the wall as hard as you can.
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(LOUD BOOM)
Perfect. Perfect.
Not a scratch.
You know it's possible this same
protective coating could be made fireproof.
It'll have to wait. Steve, I wanna
see you in my office right away.
Well, I guess we'll have to finish up
tomorrow, huh?
For the past six months...
someone has been stealing
top secret information from OSI.
It's gone through
several intermediaries.
It's gotten into
the wrong hands.
It's obviously an insidejob.
Why wasn't I told
about this before?
You had other assignments to complete,
we thought we could handle this ourselves.
Security was doubled, tripled.
We checked all personnel that's
worked with OSI for the past year.
Nothing. Zero.
L, uh, take it the case
is in my hands now?
Right. And the secretary
wants action...
and he wants it fast.
Where do I start?
I've asked Rudy Wells to develop
a special chemical...
with a phosphorescent base,
and when applied on a surface...
will remain on the hands
for at least four or five days.
But it's only visible, Steve,
through your bionic eye in its infrared mode.
(BIONIC EYE SOUND EFFECT)
I've ordered all material that's come
through OSI in the past 24 hours...
to be coated with this chemical.
I want you to check every pair
of hands in OSI.
Particularly personnel that don't come in
contact with this top secret material.
I want you to get this inside man.
I want you to break this ring.
And most of all...
find out who's behind all this.
(BIONIC EYE SOUND EFFECT)
(CHATTER)
(BIONIC EYE SOUND EFFECT)
(BIONIC EYE SOUND EFFECT)
(BIONIC EYE SOUND EFFECT)
(CHIMES)
(O'FLAHERTY WHISTLING)
(HUMS SONG)
(O'FLAHERTY STARTS ENGINE)
Oscar? Steve. Guess who turned
out to have his hand in the cookiejar.
Our friend, O'Flaherty.
O'Flaherty? The maintenance man?
The guy you play handball with?
That's the guy.
That chemical you put on the secret papers
was all over his hands and his mop.
I'm following him now.
There must be some mistake, Steve.
He must've touched someone...
or maybe shaken hands with someone
who had the chemical on his hands.
We'll, see, Oscar.
We'll see.
Hi, yo. How you doing, honey?
Just fine, sweet thing, but, uh...
I don't have time.
You never have time, mo.
Nice to see you, To
What's happenin'?
Everything's cool, young blood.
How you doing?
Trying to follow your footsteps, bro.
Right on.
I just wanna thank you,
Mr. O'Flaherty...
for paying me
your rent in advance.
It's better early than late,
Mrs. Johnson.
God bless you.
You're the best roomer I got.
Heavens knows,
I wish the rest of 'em was like you.
But I don't envy you
holding down them two jobs.
(MRS. JOHNSON LAUGHS)
It keeps me out of trouble nice.
Ain't that the truth.
Yeah, it is.
(O'FLAHERTY STARTS ENGINE)
Steve, I checked O'Flaherty's
personnel and security file...
and I'm sure there's some mistake.
Is that right?
Every reference he gave us.
Everything in his record's
been checked and rechecked...
as recently as three months ago.
Well then, how do you explain
that our friend O'Flaherty...
is now changed into a $300 suit
and is driving a $12,000 car?
What?
O'Flaherty.
Evening, Gene.
Alright, sir.
He just pulled in the driveway of the most
expensive condominium apartment in town.
Steve, we'd better...
Later, Oscar. Later.
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(PHONE RINGS)
Yeah?
Oh, hello, baby.
You coming over?
Well, good.
I'll throw out a couple of steaks.
No, no, I got everything else we...
(DOOR BUZZER)
Hold on a minute, babe.
You might have you some competition.
(DOOR BUZZER)
(DOOR BUZZES TWICE)
(DOOR BUZZES TWICE)
Later, babe.
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(DOORKNOB BREAKS)
Well, old buddy. Looks like I'm gonna
have to find me a new handball partner.
(EERIE MUSIC)
O'FLAHERTY:
Sorry it turned out this way.
You planning on using that?
If I have to.
I thought we were friends.
I've always liked you, Steve.
But don't press me.
Sorry, buddy, but, uh...
but I gotta split.
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
Man. You were never that fast
on the handball court.
I hope you've got an answer for this.
Yeah. I've been stealing material
from you guys, yes.
But only to use as bait.
I'm an agent with the OGA.
The what?
The OGA. Have you ever...
Ever heard of the OGA?
Never.
I can't help that.
What's it stand for?
I can't tell you, man.
It's a secret organization.
Okay, where's your
identification card?
I'm leveling with you, Steve.
We don't carry ID cards.
Only the organization itself
can identify its men.
Well, that's fine.
They can identify you down
at the police station. Let's go.
Now, now, now, wait, Steve.
Now wait. Look.
I spent a long time building up
contact with this spy ring.
Now if I don't show up
later tonight...
well, they'll know
I've been busted...
and the whole thing is gonna
go down the drain.
You're gonna spend tonight
behind bars.
No, wait, buddy, wait.
You want the guy behind
this spy ring, don't you?
Well, so do I.
I'm telling you, Steve.
Either I show up later tonight,
or the whole thing is a bust.
You've gotta believe me, Steve.
OSCAR:
Yes, Steve, I have heard of the OGA...
but it's so secret nobody on the hill
knows who or how many there are.
That's what he says.
Well let me check it out.
But if it is true,
what's bothering me already...
is why would the OGA sneak around
stealing secrets from OSI to use as bait.
"O" says he has to meet someone tonight,
or blew his contact.
I think it's too risky to trust him.
He's either an OGA man,
or he's a colossal liar.
I know.
He might be leading you
into a trap, Steve.
I'd like to get the man
behind all this, but...
Say no more.
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Let me check it out first.
There isn't time.
I guess I'll just have to play along.
Steve, what if he isn't an OGA man?
Then I'll bring him in.
Steve, listen, I just...
(HANGS UP)
Well, if you're an agent, '0",
you won't mind me tagging along.
How am I supposed to explain you?
You've got a big imagination.
Use it.
Whew.
Why does my life get so complicated?
O'FLAHERTY: Do you know how much
they're going to charge me to fix that door?
STEVE:
I have a feeling you can afford it.
How much you selling this for?
Whatever Ms. Hallaway will pay.
Ms. Hallaway?
Mmm-hmm.
My contact.
She has several other sources.
She pays me and then she sells
to the higher-ups.
And you have no idea
who the higher-ups are?
No.
My plan has been to sell Hallaway
legitimate information.
You know, build up a trust.
I figured eventually,
she'd lead me to the big boy.
Well, I think you're running
out of time, "O".
I think we should try and reach
the top tonight.
Man, what're you doing?
Gonna sell half at a time
for bigger money.
That way, Mrs. Hallaway will have to go
to a higher-up for approval.
Man, you're gonna get us both killed.
I never argue a price.
Speaking of price, just what
have you been doing with the money...
this Ms. Hallaway's paid you
in the past.
Ooh, uh...
they keep it in a safe place.
After deducting the price of this car
and that fancy apartment?
That's part of my cover, man.
We do things really big at the OGA.
Like steal secrets
from other agencies?
Well, I had to build up a trust, Steve.
And you can tell the real thing
from the fake.
You're still suspicious, huh?
To put it mildly, "O".
To put it mildly.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
You know, one mistake and we play
handball again, and you're the ball.
If it wasn't so dark,
you could see me shaking.
(KNOCKS TWICE, THEN ONCE)
Yes?
It's O'Flaherty.
I've brought someone with me.
You what?
You heard me.
He's with me and he's clean.
I checked him out myself.
Ms. Hallaway,
this is Bob Towers.
What exactly is a Bob Towers?
He's my new partner, and
we're here to do business.
How about you?
Oh, I'm always ready to
do business, Mr. O'Flaherty.
Fine, Ms. Hallaway.
This way.
Shall I have a look at it?
How much you think it's worth, Hallaway?
About a dollar and a half.
Maybe two dollars.
If you're trying to be funny,
nobody's laughing.
What did you expect
without the other half?
And with the other half?
About $10,000.
We'll take it.
(LAUGHS)
What's so funny?
Hallaway.
That information is worth
at least ten times that.
And you're eager to settle for $10,000,
and she's eager to steal at that price.
He's got a lot to say
for a new partner.
Uh, maybe Mr. O'Flaherty is
better off the way that he is.
You know, sometimes it's better
to make a little less money...
than to seek far too much...
and risk losing something
of infinitely greater value.
Something irreplaceable.
Look, you either come up with $100,000,
or we'll take our business elsewhere.
(HALLAWAY DIALS PHONE)
(LINE RINGS)
Hello?
Mr. O'Flaherty has a new partner.
A Mr. Bob Towers.
They want ten times the usual amount.
(MUMBLED PHONE CONVERSATION)
Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
Alright.
Fine.
(TEARS PAPER)
At 9:00 PM at this address.
And make sure you bring
the other half of the document.
Well, how’d I do?
Not bad for a double agent.
You know, I am hurt, Austin.
No tears, "O".
Oh, no. I mean it.
I pass you off as my partner,
I play it real cool...
and you act like
you still don't trust me.
Look I'll trust you if this meeting
leads us to Mr. Big.
And if you help me nab him.
Whew. You're a
hard man to convince.
Yeah, well, just keep trying.
(ENGINE STARTS)
(LINE RINGS)
O'Flaherty and his partner...
will have one half
of a very important document.
I suggest that you get it
no matter what you have to do.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
STEVE: How are you with your fists,
O'Flaherty?
I happen to be superb with my fists.
I also happen to be spectacular
in Karate, Kung Fu...
and any other martial art
you can come up with.
STEVE: Well, we may need them all.
(TIRES SCREECH)
(BRAKES SQUEAL)
We got company.
Showtime.
Looks like we're the main attraction.
MAN: Let's have it.
Let's see the money.
If you wanna get out of here alive,
you'll hand it over.
(LOUD PUNCH)
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(LOUD CRASH)
(LOUD CRASH)
(CLICKS SWITCHBLADE)
(LOUD BUZZ)
(KNOCKING)
Come in.
Bill. Good of you to come
at this ungodly hour.
That's alright. I got the message
it was important, Oscar.
What, in our business,
isn't important?
How'bout a drink?
Ah, no, no.
Well, sit down.
How's your golf game?
Don't really get
much time to play, Oscar.
I can imagine.
Running OGA must be
a back breaker.
No bigger load than you have.
Oh, come on, Oscar.
We both should be home in bed.
Alright, Bill, I'll get right to the point.
Do you have an agent by the name
of Clark Templeton O'Flaherty?
It's possible.
I need to know the truth.
Well then, I have to know why.
He's accused of stealing secrets
from OSI.
Oh?
No, I never heard of the man.
Let's cut the professional
cop out, eh?
He says...
He says he's an OGA agent.
And one of my men
is trusting him, Bill.
Which one of your men...
That's not important.
Oh, I see.
I'm to name my boys,
but you don't name yours.
Alright. His name is Steve Austin.
Now is O'Flaherty one of your men,
or isn't he?
Well, he could be, but you say
he was taking OSI secrets.
To use as bait
to break up a spy ring.
Our men are not authorized to steal
from another government agency.
I'm not trying
to intimidate your group, Bill.
I just wanna know, is he,
or is he not one of your agents?
Alright. O'Flaherty is one of our men.
But if he's been stealing
secrets from you, Oscar...
well, you know the story.
Could be a double agent.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
That's right. He was surrounded
by at least four guys.
There's no way he could've escaped...
I take that back.
He's here. Never mind.
Steve! Ha ha!
It's really good to see you, buddy.
Yeah.
Why did you run out on me?
Well, to get help.
I was just phoning the OGA to send
the heavy duty squad to help you.
Well, why didn't you
stay and help?
How do you think
I got to the OGA, huh?
Because I'm a survivor.
In order to survive, you got to use
your brains, not your muscle.
How do I know you weren't
talking to Hallaway?
How do I know
you didn't set me up?
Steve, you gotta trust me.
I did. All it got me
was a few hard knocks.
Well do you think I would've
come back here if I was trying to get away?
I just could've split for good.
Maybe.
(PHONE RINGS)
O'Flaherty here.
It's Hallaway.
Hallaway, this is Towers.
You want the other half
of that paper or not?
Perhaps our actions were
a bit rash, Mr. Towers.
At any rate,
my immediate superior...
heard about the way you handled yourself
and he was most impressed.
Impressed enough to
come up with $100,000?
Yes, he's authorized me
to pay your price.
STEVE: No Deal.
I don't like the way
you do business, Hallaway.
From here on in, we wanna
deal directly with the top man.
That's impossible.
Well, so is our doing business.
Wait a minute.
It might be arranged.
Well then, do it.
I'll call you right back
with a possible meeting place.
She's gonna set up a meeting
with the top man.
Good deal.
Yeah, maybe.
Could be just another trick.
Now we need a plan.
Something that'll really
smoke out Mr. Big.
We need a plan?
Do you trust me now?
Yeah, well, about as far
as I can throw you.
Maybe not that far.
By the way, what is it with your arm?
What?
Your arm. I saw a knife go in,
and a knife come out and I saw no blood.
Now that's unreal, man.
Oh, yeah, well.
See, I had an accident.
I lost an arm.
They replaced it with an artificial one.
Couldn't tell to look at it.
(PHONE RINGS)
Yeah.
Yes, Ms. Hallaway.
Right. Uh-huh. We'll be there.
And no funny tricks this time, hear?
Of course not.
Don't worry, Mr. O'Flaherty.
Let's go.
What makes you think
this isn't another trap?
Well, I can't be sure of anything.
But in spy business,
you have to learn to take the risks.
Or don't you know about
the spy business?
Of course I know about the spy business.
I'm a government agent, aren't I?
That makes me an S-P-Y.
What did you work on before this?
Oh, this is gonna be a quiz, huh?
Well?
Okay, okay.
You ever heard of
the Dazhavik Milleran?
No.
You never heard of that?
Oh, man.
I'd pretend to be a blind beggar...
leap through a flaming wall...
and speak Croatian
to get that document.
Yeah? What'd it say?
I don't know. It was in code.
But I got it.
Okay, okay. I'm not supposed
to talk about that.
But we're on the same team, so, uh...
Hey. You ever hear of the laser beam
incident on Hornsby Island?
'O", what're you talking about?
Oh, man. Doesn't Oscar Goldman
tell you anything?
The laser beam secrets
I stole from Hornsby Island...
put us far ahead of everybody.
I got a big bonus
and a month's vacation for that job.
You still don't believe me, do you?
Not completely.
Well, I can understand that...
'cause everything I do is so secret
it is hard to believe.
Yeah, it's almost impossible.
(KNOCKING)
Come in, gentlemen.
I am prepared to pay
the $100,000 you require...
for the other half of the document.
(BIONIC EYE SOUND EFFECT)
You personally checked out the other half
of the document we gave Hallaway?
I personally check out every piece
of information I buy.
I just like to make sure
you know how valuable it is.
I'm quite satisfied with it.
Well, is it a deal?
You get yourself a deal.
No deal. I want $200,000,
or no deal.
You what?
$200,000, or no deal.
Look, partner.
The offer is $100,000.
As far as I'm concerned, it's a deal!
Now can you dig it?
I can dig you willing to get ripped off.
You can do that without me.
You wanna accept the deal?
Then you sell him
your half of the document.
I won't deal for less
than my half of $200,000.
You gentlemen wanna talk it over
and make a decision?
I'll wait outside.
Maybe you were right, Hallaway.
I was better off without a partner.
I'll give you something worth more
than a hundred thou...
and get rid of our new partner
at the same time.
Go on.
That cat is a member of a top secret
organization called the OSI.
Now his real name is
Colonel Steve Austin. Huh?
Now you snatch him
and he could be worth plenty.
And maybe a few
military secrets in return.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Alright, bring him back in.
Well, do you pay
my price or not?
Your price is too high, Colonel Austin.
Well, I guess we know
what side you're on.
Business is business, old buddy.
O'Flaherty told us all about it.
You're getting onto his game
and forcing him to bring you in to us.
Yeah, that was my big mistake.
I halfway trusted him.
Ah, I got the luck of the Irish,
that's all.
Get you off my back...
plus I get the hundred thou,
Mr. Big here offered me.
You're a sucker, "O".
That's not Mr. Big.
Hallaway brought in a ringer.
And just how do you know that,
Colonel Austin?
The document he said that he handled
was treated with a special chemical.
If he had examined it,
there would've been a stain on his hand.
Is that true, Hallaway?
Is this cat here a ringer?
It's not important.
The point is,
you've proved your loyalty to us...
and you'll be well rewarded for it.
That sounds like sweet music to my ears.
Alright, we'll hold him at the bookstore.
You, get some chains.
Well, Colonel Austin.
I guess the game is over.
You still wanna see my ID card?
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
HALLAWAY: It really is a pity,
Colonel Austin.
You're a very bright man.
Too bright for his own good.
He could be making real money...
instead of working
for small change at OSI.
Men like Austin don't
care about money, O'Flaherty.
They care about principle
and loyalty and their country...
protecting it from outsiders
like you and traitors like me.
You're right, Hallaway.
You're a traitor.
But O'Flaherty isn't an outsider.
He's just a greedy punk...
who would do anything for
a big car and a fancy apartment.
Man, why don't you be cool and be glad
you're worth something alive?
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
How much you think
we can get for him, Hallaway?
Not a penny.
Hallaway's been playing you
for a sap from the word go.
You keep out of this, Austin.
What about that fake Boss?
Yeah, Hallaway what about him?
A ringer, of course.
It's a necessary precaution.
Okay, now there's no need for you
to worry about me now, huh?
I brought you some hot goods here.
Suppose you call in the real top guy?
There's no top guy, O'Flaherty.
There's only a top woman.
Huh?
I am in charge of this whole operation.
I always have been.
But you always took half my dough.
Not only do I find it safer to pose
as an intermediary, it's also cheaper.
Well, '0", I'd say we got
what we came tor.
Looks that way, Steve.
What do you mean?
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(LOUD CRASH)
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(LOUD CRASH)
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
Hey. I thought you used your brain,
not your brawn.
Well, when it comes to getting my brains
blown out, old buddy...
I reconsider.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(LIGHT ORCHESTRA MUSIC)
I accept the fact that, uh...
you stole secrets in the pursuit
of your work, Mr. O'Flaherty.
O'FLAHERTY: That's very big of you,
Mister Goldman.
I don't approve of what you've done,
but I accept what you've done.
Even though Bill McAdams
assured me...
that he didn't authorize you
to do any such thing.
Well, now, would you admit that
you gave an agent those kind of orders?
No.
Mmm.
Oscar would self destruct
before he'd admit something like that.
The important thing is,
we got Hallaway.
And we couldn't have
gotten her without you.
I'm also impressed with the way in which
you stole secrets from us, Mr. O'Flaherty.
STEVE: Watch it, "O".
When Oscar's impressed with something,
it's usually a lead-in.
I'll get right to the point.
We'd like to have you here at OSI.
No kidding?
We have a lot to offer.
You'll be one of our top agents.
And you'll work closely
with Mr. Austin.
What? And give up janitoring?
Is you crazy? No, way.
I'll guarantee you that we'll beat anything...
that OGA has to offer,
Mr. O'Flaherty. Anything.
Well, I would like to work with Steve.
Good.
In fact, I was thinking about putting in
a good word about Steve at OGA.
What?
What do you say, Steve?
Well, I don't know.
Let's have a little lunch and talk about it.
Just a second.
Man, we have got a pension plan
that you would not believe.
Vacations?
Every other week.
And an expense account.
Now just a minute, Steve.
Mmmm...
(END THEME MUSIC)
It looks good at NASA One.
B- 52 >PILOT:
Roger.
BCS Arm switch is on.
FLIGHT COM:
Okay, Victor.
B-52 PILOT:
Landing Rocket Arm switch is on.
Here comes the throttle.
Circuit breakers in.
STEVE:
We have separation.
B-52 PILOT:
Inboard and outboards are on.
I'm comin' forward with the side stick.
FLIGHT COM:
Looks good.
PILOT:
Ah, Roger.
STEVE:
I've got a blowout in damper three.
SR-71 PILOT:
Get your pitch to zero.
STEVE:
Pitch is out. I can't hold altitude!
B-52 PILOT: Correction. Alpha Hold is oil“.
Threat selector is emergency.
STEVE: Flight Com. I can't hold it!
She's breaking up! She's breaking...
ANNOUNCER:
Steve Austin. Astronaut.
A man barely alive.
Gentlemen, we can rebuild him.
We have the technology.
We have the capability
to make the world's first bionic man.
Steve Austin will be that man.
Better than he was before.
Better, stronger, faster.
(MAIN TITLE THEME)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(WHISTLING)
And how are you today?
Fine.
Sure are.
Make no mistake about that.
(WHISTLING)
Hi, Charlie.
Still destroying
government secrets, huh?
Well, somebody's got to do it.
(IRISH ACCENT) Well, if it isn't
Clark Templeton O'Flaherty himself.
(IRISH ACCENT)
Ah, sure. It ishe himself.
Did I ever ask you?
How did you get a name like O'Flaherty?
Well, 'twas the lady in the orphanage.
She thought she'd be funny.
Black Irish, said she.
(BUTTON HUMS)
(BUTTON HUMS)
Having trouble again, Charlie?
Well, this thing breaks down
once a month.
Regular as clockwork.
Do me a favor, O'Flaherty.
Take a look at it.
Maybe you can fix it again.
Otherwise I'll be here all night
with these documents...
until they send a repairman.
Sure, Charlie.
I'll see what I can do.
Well, uh, by the way.
Think I found another winner
for us tomorrow.
(EERIE MUSIC)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Hello, Louis?
Hi, it's me, Charlie.
Ay, listen. On the 4 o'clock...
I'd like to put six on Dirty Mary
and Sneaky Pete.
I made the bet.
Me bookie says you're crazy.
Oh, keep the faith, Charlie.
Here you go, Charlie.
Try it again.
(SHREDDER HUMS)
O'Flaherty, you're a genius.
And a credit to all Ireland.
Now, you wouldn't be puttin' me on,
now would you?
(WHISTLING)
Hey? Where you been?
We're gonna be late.
How could we be late?
We only get the handball court till 5:30.
By the time we get there and change,
it'll be after that.
Well, you see, man, if you could use your
influence to get me a better job...
I could be on time.
Oh, you're nuts.
(O'FLAHERTY LAUGHS)
You guys keep such an eagle eye
on this place...
I can't get away with nothing.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Now the purpose is to test the strength
of the artificial skin, Colonel Austin.
So you don't have to be afraid
to hit the wall as hard as you can.
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(LOUD BOOM)
Perfect. Perfect.
Not a scratch.
You know it's possible this same
protective coating could be made fireproof.
It'll have to wait. Steve, I wanna
see you in my office right away.
Well, I guess we'll have to finish up
tomorrow, huh?
For the past six months...
someone has been stealing
top secret information from OSI.
It's gone through
several intermediaries.
It's gotten into
the wrong hands.
It's obviously an insidejob.
Why wasn't I told
about this before?
You had other assignments to complete,
we thought we could handle this ourselves.
Security was doubled, tripled.
We checked all personnel that's
worked with OSI for the past year.
Nothing. Zero.
L, uh, take it the case
is in my hands now?
Right. And the secretary
wants action...
and he wants it fast.
Where do I start?
I've asked Rudy Wells to develop
a special chemical...
with a phosphorescent base,
and when applied on a surface...
will remain on the hands
for at least four or five days.
But it's only visible, Steve,
through your bionic eye in its infrared mode.
(BIONIC EYE SOUND EFFECT)
I've ordered all material that's come
through OSI in the past 24 hours...
to be coated with this chemical.
I want you to check every pair
of hands in OSI.
Particularly personnel that don't come in
contact with this top secret material.
I want you to get this inside man.
I want you to break this ring.
And most of all...
find out who's behind all this.
(BIONIC EYE SOUND EFFECT)
(CHATTER)
(BIONIC EYE SOUND EFFECT)
(BIONIC EYE SOUND EFFECT)
(BIONIC EYE SOUND EFFECT)
(CHIMES)
(O'FLAHERTY WHISTLING)
(HUMS SONG)
(O'FLAHERTY STARTS ENGINE)
Oscar? Steve. Guess who turned
out to have his hand in the cookiejar.
Our friend, O'Flaherty.
O'Flaherty? The maintenance man?
The guy you play handball with?
That's the guy.
That chemical you put on the secret papers
was all over his hands and his mop.
I'm following him now.
There must be some mistake, Steve.
He must've touched someone...
or maybe shaken hands with someone
who had the chemical on his hands.
We'll, see, Oscar.
We'll see.
Hi, yo. How you doing, honey?
Just fine, sweet thing, but, uh...
I don't have time.
You never have time, mo.
Nice to see you, To
What's happenin'?
Everything's cool, young blood.
How you doing?
Trying to follow your footsteps, bro.
Right on.
I just wanna thank you,
Mr. O'Flaherty...
for paying me
your rent in advance.
It's better early than late,
Mrs. Johnson.
God bless you.
You're the best roomer I got.
Heavens knows,
I wish the rest of 'em was like you.
But I don't envy you
holding down them two jobs.
(MRS. JOHNSON LAUGHS)
It keeps me out of trouble nice.
Ain't that the truth.
Yeah, it is.
(O'FLAHERTY STARTS ENGINE)
Steve, I checked O'Flaherty's
personnel and security file...
and I'm sure there's some mistake.
Is that right?
Every reference he gave us.
Everything in his record's
been checked and rechecked...
as recently as three months ago.
Well then, how do you explain
that our friend O'Flaherty...
is now changed into a $300 suit
and is driving a $12,000 car?
What?
O'Flaherty.
Evening, Gene.
Alright, sir.
He just pulled in the driveway of the most
expensive condominium apartment in town.
Steve, we'd better...
Later, Oscar. Later.
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(PHONE RINGS)
Yeah?
Oh, hello, baby.
You coming over?
Well, good.
I'll throw out a couple of steaks.
No, no, I got everything else we...
(DOOR BUZZER)
Hold on a minute, babe.
You might have you some competition.
(DOOR BUZZER)
(DOOR BUZZES TWICE)
(DOOR BUZZES TWICE)
Later, babe.
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(DOORKNOB BREAKS)
Well, old buddy. Looks like I'm gonna
have to find me a new handball partner.
(EERIE MUSIC)
O'FLAHERTY:
Sorry it turned out this way.
You planning on using that?
If I have to.
I thought we were friends.
I've always liked you, Steve.
But don't press me.
Sorry, buddy, but, uh...
but I gotta split.
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
Man. You were never that fast
on the handball court.
I hope you've got an answer for this.
Yeah. I've been stealing material
from you guys, yes.
But only to use as bait.
I'm an agent with the OGA.
The what?
The OGA. Have you ever...
Ever heard of the OGA?
Never.
I can't help that.
What's it stand for?
I can't tell you, man.
It's a secret organization.
Okay, where's your
identification card?
I'm leveling with you, Steve.
We don't carry ID cards.
Only the organization itself
can identify its men.
Well, that's fine.
They can identify you down
at the police station. Let's go.
Now, now, now, wait, Steve.
Now wait. Look.
I spent a long time building up
contact with this spy ring.
Now if I don't show up
later tonight...
well, they'll know
I've been busted...
and the whole thing is gonna
go down the drain.
You're gonna spend tonight
behind bars.
No, wait, buddy, wait.
You want the guy behind
this spy ring, don't you?
Well, so do I.
I'm telling you, Steve.
Either I show up later tonight,
or the whole thing is a bust.
You've gotta believe me, Steve.
OSCAR:
Yes, Steve, I have heard of the OGA...
but it's so secret nobody on the hill
knows who or how many there are.
That's what he says.
Well let me check it out.
But if it is true,
what's bothering me already...
is why would the OGA sneak around
stealing secrets from OSI to use as bait.
"O" says he has to meet someone tonight,
or blew his contact.
I think it's too risky to trust him.
He's either an OGA man,
or he's a colossal liar.
I know.
He might be leading you
into a trap, Steve.
I'd like to get the man
behind all this, but...
Say no more.
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Let me check it out first.
There isn't time.
I guess I'll just have to play along.
Steve, what if he isn't an OGA man?
Then I'll bring him in.
Steve, listen, I just...
(HANGS UP)
Well, if you're an agent, '0",
you won't mind me tagging along.
How am I supposed to explain you?
You've got a big imagination.
Use it.
Whew.
Why does my life get so complicated?
O'FLAHERTY: Do you know how much
they're going to charge me to fix that door?
STEVE:
I have a feeling you can afford it.
How much you selling this for?
Whatever Ms. Hallaway will pay.
Ms. Hallaway?
Mmm-hmm.
My contact.
She has several other sources.
She pays me and then she sells
to the higher-ups.
And you have no idea
who the higher-ups are?
No.
My plan has been to sell Hallaway
legitimate information.
You know, build up a trust.
I figured eventually,
she'd lead me to the big boy.
Well, I think you're running
out of time, "O".
I think we should try and reach
the top tonight.
Man, what're you doing?
Gonna sell half at a time
for bigger money.
That way, Mrs. Hallaway will have to go
to a higher-up for approval.
Man, you're gonna get us both killed.
I never argue a price.
Speaking of price, just what
have you been doing with the money...
this Ms. Hallaway's paid you
in the past.
Ooh, uh...
they keep it in a safe place.
After deducting the price of this car
and that fancy apartment?
That's part of my cover, man.
We do things really big at the OGA.
Like steal secrets
from other agencies?
Well, I had to build up a trust, Steve.
And you can tell the real thing
from the fake.
You're still suspicious, huh?
To put it mildly, "O".
To put it mildly.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
You know, one mistake and we play
handball again, and you're the ball.
If it wasn't so dark,
you could see me shaking.
(KNOCKS TWICE, THEN ONCE)
Yes?
It's O'Flaherty.
I've brought someone with me.
You what?
You heard me.
He's with me and he's clean.
I checked him out myself.
Ms. Hallaway,
this is Bob Towers.
What exactly is a Bob Towers?
He's my new partner, and
we're here to do business.
How about you?
Oh, I'm always ready to
do business, Mr. O'Flaherty.
Fine, Ms. Hallaway.
This way.
Shall I have a look at it?
How much you think it's worth, Hallaway?
About a dollar and a half.
Maybe two dollars.
If you're trying to be funny,
nobody's laughing.
What did you expect
without the other half?
And with the other half?
About $10,000.
We'll take it.
(LAUGHS)
What's so funny?
Hallaway.
That information is worth
at least ten times that.
And you're eager to settle for $10,000,
and she's eager to steal at that price.
He's got a lot to say
for a new partner.
Uh, maybe Mr. O'Flaherty is
better off the way that he is.
You know, sometimes it's better
to make a little less money...
than to seek far too much...
and risk losing something
of infinitely greater value.
Something irreplaceable.
Look, you either come up with $100,000,
or we'll take our business elsewhere.
(HALLAWAY DIALS PHONE)
(LINE RINGS)
Hello?
Mr. O'Flaherty has a new partner.
A Mr. Bob Towers.
They want ten times the usual amount.
(MUMBLED PHONE CONVERSATION)
Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
Alright.
Fine.
(TEARS PAPER)
At 9:00 PM at this address.
And make sure you bring
the other half of the document.
Well, how’d I do?
Not bad for a double agent.
You know, I am hurt, Austin.
No tears, "O".
Oh, no. I mean it.
I pass you off as my partner,
I play it real cool...
and you act like
you still don't trust me.
Look I'll trust you if this meeting
leads us to Mr. Big.
And if you help me nab him.
Whew. You're a
hard man to convince.
Yeah, well, just keep trying.
(ENGINE STARTS)
(LINE RINGS)
O'Flaherty and his partner...
will have one half
of a very important document.
I suggest that you get it
no matter what you have to do.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
STEVE: How are you with your fists,
O'Flaherty?
I happen to be superb with my fists.
I also happen to be spectacular
in Karate, Kung Fu...
and any other martial art
you can come up with.
STEVE: Well, we may need them all.
(TIRES SCREECH)
(BRAKES SQUEAL)
We got company.
Showtime.
Looks like we're the main attraction.
MAN: Let's have it.
Let's see the money.
If you wanna get out of here alive,
you'll hand it over.
(LOUD PUNCH)
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(LOUD CRASH)
(LOUD CRASH)
(CLICKS SWITCHBLADE)
(LOUD BUZZ)
(KNOCKING)
Come in.
Bill. Good of you to come
at this ungodly hour.
That's alright. I got the message
it was important, Oscar.
What, in our business,
isn't important?
How'bout a drink?
Ah, no, no.
Well, sit down.
How's your golf game?
Don't really get
much time to play, Oscar.
I can imagine.
Running OGA must be
a back breaker.
No bigger load than you have.
Oh, come on, Oscar.
We both should be home in bed.
Alright, Bill, I'll get right to the point.
Do you have an agent by the name
of Clark Templeton O'Flaherty?
It's possible.
I need to know the truth.
Well then, I have to know why.
He's accused of stealing secrets
from OSI.
Oh?
No, I never heard of the man.
Let's cut the professional
cop out, eh?
He says...
He says he's an OGA agent.
And one of my men
is trusting him, Bill.
Which one of your men...
That's not important.
Oh, I see.
I'm to name my boys,
but you don't name yours.
Alright. His name is Steve Austin.
Now is O'Flaherty one of your men,
or isn't he?
Well, he could be, but you say
he was taking OSI secrets.
To use as bait
to break up a spy ring.
Our men are not authorized to steal
from another government agency.
I'm not trying
to intimidate your group, Bill.
I just wanna know, is he,
or is he not one of your agents?
Alright. O'Flaherty is one of our men.
But if he's been stealing
secrets from you, Oscar...
well, you know the story.
Could be a double agent.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
That's right. He was surrounded
by at least four guys.
There's no way he could've escaped...
I take that back.
He's here. Never mind.
Steve! Ha ha!
It's really good to see you, buddy.
Yeah.
Why did you run out on me?
Well, to get help.
I was just phoning the OGA to send
the heavy duty squad to help you.
Well, why didn't you
stay and help?
How do you think
I got to the OGA, huh?
Because I'm a survivor.
In order to survive, you got to use
your brains, not your muscle.
How do I know you weren't
talking to Hallaway?
How do I know
you didn't set me up?
Steve, you gotta trust me.
I did. All it got me
was a few hard knocks.
Well do you think I would've
come back here if I was trying to get away?
I just could've split for good.
Maybe.
(PHONE RINGS)
O'Flaherty here.
It's Hallaway.
Hallaway, this is Towers.
You want the other half
of that paper or not?
Perhaps our actions were
a bit rash, Mr. Towers.
At any rate,
my immediate superior...
heard about the way you handled yourself
and he was most impressed.
Impressed enough to
come up with $100,000?
Yes, he's authorized me
to pay your price.
STEVE: No Deal.
I don't like the way
you do business, Hallaway.
From here on in, we wanna
deal directly with the top man.
That's impossible.
Well, so is our doing business.
Wait a minute.
It might be arranged.
Well then, do it.
I'll call you right back
with a possible meeting place.
She's gonna set up a meeting
with the top man.
Good deal.
Yeah, maybe.
Could be just another trick.
Now we need a plan.
Something that'll really
smoke out Mr. Big.
We need a plan?
Do you trust me now?
Yeah, well, about as far
as I can throw you.
Maybe not that far.
By the way, what is it with your arm?
What?
Your arm. I saw a knife go in,
and a knife come out and I saw no blood.
Now that's unreal, man.
Oh, yeah, well.
See, I had an accident.
I lost an arm.
They replaced it with an artificial one.
Couldn't tell to look at it.
(PHONE RINGS)
Yeah.
Yes, Ms. Hallaway.
Right. Uh-huh. We'll be there.
And no funny tricks this time, hear?
Of course not.
Don't worry, Mr. O'Flaherty.
Let's go.
What makes you think
this isn't another trap?
Well, I can't be sure of anything.
But in spy business,
you have to learn to take the risks.
Or don't you know about
the spy business?
Of course I know about the spy business.
I'm a government agent, aren't I?
That makes me an S-P-Y.
What did you work on before this?
Oh, this is gonna be a quiz, huh?
Well?
Okay, okay.
You ever heard of
the Dazhavik Milleran?
No.
You never heard of that?
Oh, man.
I'd pretend to be a blind beggar...
leap through a flaming wall...
and speak Croatian
to get that document.
Yeah? What'd it say?
I don't know. It was in code.
But I got it.
Okay, okay. I'm not supposed
to talk about that.
But we're on the same team, so, uh...
Hey. You ever hear of the laser beam
incident on Hornsby Island?
'O", what're you talking about?
Oh, man. Doesn't Oscar Goldman
tell you anything?
The laser beam secrets
I stole from Hornsby Island...
put us far ahead of everybody.
I got a big bonus
and a month's vacation for that job.
You still don't believe me, do you?
Not completely.
Well, I can understand that...
'cause everything I do is so secret
it is hard to believe.
Yeah, it's almost impossible.
(KNOCKING)
Come in, gentlemen.
I am prepared to pay
the $100,000 you require...
for the other half of the document.
(BIONIC EYE SOUND EFFECT)
You personally checked out the other half
of the document we gave Hallaway?
I personally check out every piece
of information I buy.
I just like to make sure
you know how valuable it is.
I'm quite satisfied with it.
Well, is it a deal?
You get yourself a deal.
No deal. I want $200,000,
or no deal.
You what?
$200,000, or no deal.
Look, partner.
The offer is $100,000.
As far as I'm concerned, it's a deal!
Now can you dig it?
I can dig you willing to get ripped off.
You can do that without me.
You wanna accept the deal?
Then you sell him
your half of the document.
I won't deal for less
than my half of $200,000.
You gentlemen wanna talk it over
and make a decision?
I'll wait outside.
Maybe you were right, Hallaway.
I was better off without a partner.
I'll give you something worth more
than a hundred thou...
and get rid of our new partner
at the same time.
Go on.
That cat is a member of a top secret
organization called the OSI.
Now his real name is
Colonel Steve Austin. Huh?
Now you snatch him
and he could be worth plenty.
And maybe a few
military secrets in return.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Alright, bring him back in.
Well, do you pay
my price or not?
Your price is too high, Colonel Austin.
Well, I guess we know
what side you're on.
Business is business, old buddy.
O'Flaherty told us all about it.
You're getting onto his game
and forcing him to bring you in to us.
Yeah, that was my big mistake.
I halfway trusted him.
Ah, I got the luck of the Irish,
that's all.
Get you off my back...
plus I get the hundred thou,
Mr. Big here offered me.
You're a sucker, "O".
That's not Mr. Big.
Hallaway brought in a ringer.
And just how do you know that,
Colonel Austin?
The document he said that he handled
was treated with a special chemical.
If he had examined it,
there would've been a stain on his hand.
Is that true, Hallaway?
Is this cat here a ringer?
It's not important.
The point is,
you've proved your loyalty to us...
and you'll be well rewarded for it.
That sounds like sweet music to my ears.
Alright, we'll hold him at the bookstore.
You, get some chains.
Well, Colonel Austin.
I guess the game is over.
You still wanna see my ID card?
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
HALLAWAY: It really is a pity,
Colonel Austin.
You're a very bright man.
Too bright for his own good.
He could be making real money...
instead of working
for small change at OSI.
Men like Austin don't
care about money, O'Flaherty.
They care about principle
and loyalty and their country...
protecting it from outsiders
like you and traitors like me.
You're right, Hallaway.
You're a traitor.
But O'Flaherty isn't an outsider.
He's just a greedy punk...
who would do anything for
a big car and a fancy apartment.
Man, why don't you be cool and be glad
you're worth something alive?
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
How much you think
we can get for him, Hallaway?
Not a penny.
Hallaway's been playing you
for a sap from the word go.
You keep out of this, Austin.
What about that fake Boss?
Yeah, Hallaway what about him?
A ringer, of course.
It's a necessary precaution.
Okay, now there's no need for you
to worry about me now, huh?
I brought you some hot goods here.
Suppose you call in the real top guy?
There's no top guy, O'Flaherty.
There's only a top woman.
Huh?
I am in charge of this whole operation.
I always have been.
But you always took half my dough.
Not only do I find it safer to pose
as an intermediary, it's also cheaper.
Well, '0", I'd say we got
what we came tor.
Looks that way, Steve.
What do you mean?
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(LOUD CRASH)
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(LOUD CRASH)
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
Hey. I thought you used your brain,
not your brawn.
Well, when it comes to getting my brains
blown out, old buddy...
I reconsider.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(LIGHT ORCHESTRA MUSIC)
I accept the fact that, uh...
you stole secrets in the pursuit
of your work, Mr. O'Flaherty.
O'FLAHERTY: That's very big of you,
Mister Goldman.
I don't approve of what you've done,
but I accept what you've done.
Even though Bill McAdams
assured me...
that he didn't authorize you
to do any such thing.
Well, now, would you admit that
you gave an agent those kind of orders?
No.
Mmm.
Oscar would self destruct
before he'd admit something like that.
The important thing is,
we got Hallaway.
And we couldn't have
gotten her without you.
I'm also impressed with the way in which
you stole secrets from us, Mr. O'Flaherty.
STEVE: Watch it, "O".
When Oscar's impressed with something,
it's usually a lead-in.
I'll get right to the point.
We'd like to have you here at OSI.
No kidding?
We have a lot to offer.
You'll be one of our top agents.
And you'll work closely
with Mr. Austin.
What? And give up janitoring?
Is you crazy? No, way.
I'll guarantee you that we'll beat anything...
that OGA has to offer,
Mr. O'Flaherty. Anything.
Well, I would like to work with Steve.
Good.
In fact, I was thinking about putting in
a good word about Steve at OGA.
What?
What do you say, Steve?
Well, I don't know.
Let's have a little lunch and talk about it.
Just a second.
Man, we have got a pension plan
that you would not believe.
Vacations?
Every other week.
And an expense account.
Now just a minute, Steve.
Mmmm...
(END THEME MUSIC)