The Simpsons (1989–…): Season 4, Episode 17 - Last Exit to Springfield - full transcript
Mr. Burns revokes the dental plan from the power plant's union contract, and when Homer realizes that he'll now have to pay for Lisa's new braces, he leads the power plant employees on a strike, while Mr. Burns struggles to put an end to the rioting.
- My friends!
Tonight we unveil
my most diabolical creation.
Swank. Ten times more addictive
than marijuana.
Ooh!
- To human misery!
Uh?
Nice to see you.
- McBain!
- Yes.
Ah, McBain,
so glad you could make it.
Have a salmon puff.
- All right.
That is one evil dude.
It's just a movie, son.
There's nobody that evil in real life.
Smithers, where's that
union representative?
He's 20 minutes late.
Uh, I don't know, sir. He hasn't been seen
since he promised to clean up the union.
Whoa! What the hell?
Well, let's look at
the contract ourselves, eh?
Benefits, perks, a green cookie
on St. Patrick's Day?
Oh-ho, it didn't use
to be this way, Smithers.
No, it didn't use to be this way at all.
Come on, come on!
Crack those atoms!
You, turn out those pockets!
Atoms.
One, two, three, four-- Six of them!
Take him away!
You can't treat the workingman this way!
One day, we'll form a union and get the fair
and equitable treatment we deserve.
Then we'll go too far
and get corrupt and shiftless...
and the Japanese will eat us alive!
The Japanese?
Those sandal-wearing goldfish tenders?
Bosh! Flimshaw!
If only we had listened to that boy...
instead of walling him up
in the abandoned coke oven.
Well, I am going to avenge my grandfather.
We'll take on that greedy union...
and we'll get back our...
dental plan.
How often do you brush, Ralph?
- Three times a day, sir.
Why must you turn my office
into a house of lies?
You're right! I don't brush!
I don't brush.
Let's look at a picture book...
The Big Book of British Smiles.
That's enough! That's enough!
Dr. Wolfe likes to pull kids' teeth,
so he can sell 'em.
To who?
You know that rattle
when you shake up spray paint?
That's a kid's tooth.
-
Maggie's teeth are coming in crooked.
Has she been sucking on a pacifier?
Uh... not to my knowledge.
- Liar!
I'm also afraid little Lisa
is going to need braces.
Oh, no!
I'll be socially unpopular.
More so.
- Are you sure, Doctor?
Well, judge for yourself.
Here's Lisa today.
Without treatment, here's what
she'll look like at age 11...
age 14, age 17...
and, finally, age 18.
- Cool! She'll be a freak.
Bart!
We can stick her in a
trailer, drive her around...
the South and charge two bits a gander.
Now stay tuned
for professional wrestling live...
from the Springfield Grapplarium.
Tonight, a Texas death match--
Dr. Hillbilly versus The Iron Yuppie!
One man will actually be unmasked
and killed in the ring!
I hope they kill that Iron Yuppie.
Thinks he's so big.
Homer, Lisa needs braces.
Don't worry. We won a dental plan
in the strike of'88.
That's where I got this scar.
What do we want?
More equitable treatment
in the hands of management!
When do we want it?
- Soon!
Where's my burrito?
Where's my burrito?
Where's my burrito? Ow!
Then I got this scar sneaking
under the door of a pay toilet.
Welcome, brothers ofLocal643.
As you know, our president,
Chucky Fitzhugh, ain't been seen lately.
We're all praying he'll turn up soon,
alive and well.
Oh, all right, all right. But seriously,
we have to vote on Burns's new contract.
It's basically the same deal, except we
get a free keg of beer for our meetin'.
Yea!
In exchange for that,
we have to give up our dental plan.
So long, dental plan!
Dental plan!
- Lisa needs braces.
Dental plan!
- Lisa needs braces.
Bull's-eye!
Thanks a lot, Carl.
Now I've lost my train of thought.
Dental plan!
- Lisa needs braces.
Dental plan!
- Lisa needs braces.
If we give up our dental plan...
I'll have to pay for Lisa's braces!
People, stop!
We can't give up our dental plan!
Lenny, without that dental plan, you
wouldn't have that diamond in your tooth.
Yoink!
- Hey!
And, Gummy Joe, where would you be
without that dental plan?
Well, I wouldn't have
old chomper here, that's for sure.
You know what I think of this contract?
This!
-
Yeah!
Who is that firebrand, Smithers?
- That's Homer Simpson, sir.
Simpson, eh? New man?
Actually, sir, he thwarted
your campaign for governor...
you ran over his son,
he saved the plant from meltdown...
and his wife painted you in the nude--
Eh, doesn't ring a bell.
Homer! Homer! Homer!
I move that Homer Simpson
be our new union president.
All in favor?
- Aye!
All opposed?
- Nay.
Congratulations, Homer.
-
Hey, what does this job pay?
- Nothin'.
D'oh!
- Unless you're crooked.
Whoo-hoo!
President of the union?
I'm so proud of you, Homie.
This is your chance to get a fair shake
for the workingman.
And make lifelong connections
to the world of organized crime.
Hmm. Organized crime.
Don Homer, I have baked
a special donut just for you.
Mmm. Grazie.
Don Homer, my son,
he has a-trouble with the--
Eh-eh-eh-eh-eh.
Moltobene.
That's a nice a-donut.
Do you think you can get
the dental plan back?
Well, that depends on who's a better
negotiator-- Mr. Burns or me.
Dad, I'll trade you this delicious doorstop
for your crummy old Danish.
Done and done!
D'oh!
Lisa and Marge, these braces
are invisible, painless...
and periodically release a delightful burst...
of Calvin Klein's Obsession for Teeth.
Hmm!
Doctor, we don't have
a dental plan right now...
so we'll need something
a little more... affordable.
These predate stainless steel...
so you can't get them wet.
Hmm, he's a worthy foe.
Look at him, Smithers.
Exercising away while the others
are off at the candy machine.
Hey, Lenny, can you get
this Sugar Daddy off my back?
Okay, but it's the last time.
Mmm!
We don't have to be adversaries,
Homer.
We both want a fair union contract.
Why is Mr. Burns being so nice to me?
And if you'll scratch my back,
I'll scratch yours.
Wait a minute.
Is he coming on to me?
I mean, if I should slip something
into your pocket, what's the harm?
Oh, my God!
He is coming on to me.
After all, negotiations
make strange bedfellows.
-
Sorry, Mr. Burns, but I don't go in
for these backdoor shenanigans.
Sure, I'm flattered, maybe even
a little curious, but the answer is no.
Lisa, so you won't be scared...
I'll show you some of the tools I'll be using.
This is the scraper,
this is the poker...
and this happy little fellow is the gouger.
Now, the first thing I'll be doing...
is chiseling some teeth
out of your jaw bone.
Hold still while I gas you.
Look, fellas! It's Lisa in the sky!
No diamonds though.
Look out for the campy drawing
of Queen Victoria!
Oh, no!
God, help us!
- Help us.
The mirror.
The mirror!
Honey, you look fine.
- Who is it?
Goons.
- Who?
Hired goons.
- Hired goons?
Ah, Homer, I hope Crusher
and Low Blow didn't hurt you.
You know,
you could have just called me.
Oh, yes, but the telephone
is so impersonal.
I prefer the hands-on touch
you only get with hired goons.
Hired goons?
This is the largest TV in the free world.
?Ay, un gatomalodoro!
This is a thousand monkeys working
at a thousand typewriters.
Soon, they'll have written
the greatest novel known to man.
Let's see.
'It was the best of times,
it was the 'blurst' of times'?
You stupid monkey!
-
Oh, shut up.
And this is my basement.
- Gee, it's not as nice as the other rooms.
Yes, I really should stop
ending the tour with it.
Now, let's get down to business.
- Oh, man!
I have to go to the bathroom.
Why did I have all that beer
and coffee and watermelon?
Now, Homer, I know what you're thinking,
and I want to take the pressure off.
It doesn't take a whiz to see
that you're looking out for number one.
Well, listen tome, and you'll make
a big splash very soon.
Oh! Which way to the bathroom?
- Oh, it's the 23rd door on the left.
Nope. Nope. Nope.
He wouldn't even hear me out.
- Find the bathroom all right?
Uh... yeah.
Well, you've won this round, Simpson...
but I'll grind you into the earth like a bug!
Aah! Ohh!
Simpson, be a dear and rub my legs
till the feeling comes back.
A bug, I tell you! A bug!
I'm gonna resign.
I don't know why they made me
union president in the first place.
Because they love you down at the plant.
Yeah, you're right.
Guys are always patting
my bald head for luck...
pinchin' my belly to hear my girlish laugh.
Hmm. That doesn't sound
like they like you at all.
You're right. First thing tomorrow, I'm...
gonna punch Lenny in
the back of the head.
Batten down those cowlicks.
Straighten that part.
Uncross those eyes, mister.
But I can't!
- Oh, sorry, Quigley.
Come on, honey. Smile!
I bet you've got a beautiful smile.
Why don't you share it with the world?
There is no God!
-
Fellow workers, I've been meeting with
Mr. Burns day and night,
and I've had enough.
Strike! Strike! Strike! Strike!
All in favor of a strike?
- Aye!
All opposed?
- Nay.
Who keeps saying that?
It was him. Let's get him, fellas.
Ahh, this is the life.
Smithers, get me some strikebreakers,
the kind they had in the '30s.
We can't bust heads like we used to...
but we have our ways.
-
One trick is to tell them stories
that don't go anywhere...
like the time I caught the ferry
over to Shelbyville.
I needed a new heel for my shoe...
so I decided to go to Morganville...
which is what they called Shelbyville
in those days.
So I tied an onion to my belt...
which was the style at the time.
Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel.
And in those days, nickels
had pictures of bumblebees on 'em.
'Give me five bees for a quarter,'
you'd say.
Now, where were we? Oh, yeah!
The important thing was
that I had an onion on my belt...
which was the style at the time.
They didn't have white onions
because of the war.
The only thing you could get
was those big yellow ones.
Full power, Smithers.
Now do 'Classical Gas.'
Ooh, look at him strutting around
Like he's cock of the walk.
Well, let me tell you,
Homer Simpson is cock of nothing!
Hmm?
Why, you and I can run
this plant ourselves.
Crush! Kill! Destroy!
Tonight on Smartline,
the power plant strike--
argle-bargle or foofaraw?
With us tonight
are plant owner C.M. Burns...
union kingpin Homer Simpson...
and talk show mainstay Dr. Joyce Brothers.
I brought my own mike!
- Yes. Well.
Homer, organized labor has
been called a lumbering dinosaur.
My director is telling me
not to talk to you anymore.
Whoo-hoo!
- Mr. Burns, you mentioned
you wanted an opening tirade.
Yes, thank you, Kent.
Fifteen minutes from now, I will wreak
a terrible vengeance on this city!
No one will be spared! No one!
A chilling vision of things to come.
Oh, for God's sake!
-
Good-bye, Springfield!
From hell's heart, I stab at thee!
Look at them all,
through the darkness I'm bringing.
They're not sad at all.
They're actually singing!
They sing without juicers.
They sing without blenders.
They sing without flunjers,
capdabblers and smendlers!
Ooh!
Tell Simpson I'm ready to deal.
All right, Homer,
you can have the dental plan...
on one condition--
you must resign as head of the union.
Whoo-hoo!
Smithers, I'm beginning to think
that Homer Simpson...
was not the brilliant tactician
I thought he was.
We're going back to work!
-
Yea!
Oh, honey, you can hardly see
your new braces!
And that's the tooth!
Oops. I left the gas on.
Tonight we unveil
my most diabolical creation.
Swank. Ten times more addictive
than marijuana.
Ooh!
- To human misery!
Uh?
Nice to see you.
- McBain!
- Yes.
Ah, McBain,
so glad you could make it.
Have a salmon puff.
- All right.
That is one evil dude.
It's just a movie, son.
There's nobody that evil in real life.
Smithers, where's that
union representative?
He's 20 minutes late.
Uh, I don't know, sir. He hasn't been seen
since he promised to clean up the union.
Whoa! What the hell?
Well, let's look at
the contract ourselves, eh?
Benefits, perks, a green cookie
on St. Patrick's Day?
Oh-ho, it didn't use
to be this way, Smithers.
No, it didn't use to be this way at all.
Come on, come on!
Crack those atoms!
You, turn out those pockets!
Atoms.
One, two, three, four-- Six of them!
Take him away!
You can't treat the workingman this way!
One day, we'll form a union and get the fair
and equitable treatment we deserve.
Then we'll go too far
and get corrupt and shiftless...
and the Japanese will eat us alive!
The Japanese?
Those sandal-wearing goldfish tenders?
Bosh! Flimshaw!
If only we had listened to that boy...
instead of walling him up
in the abandoned coke oven.
Well, I am going to avenge my grandfather.
We'll take on that greedy union...
and we'll get back our...
dental plan.
How often do you brush, Ralph?
- Three times a day, sir.
Why must you turn my office
into a house of lies?
You're right! I don't brush!
I don't brush.
Let's look at a picture book...
The Big Book of British Smiles.
That's enough! That's enough!
Dr. Wolfe likes to pull kids' teeth,
so he can sell 'em.
To who?
You know that rattle
when you shake up spray paint?
That's a kid's tooth.
-
Maggie's teeth are coming in crooked.
Has she been sucking on a pacifier?
Uh... not to my knowledge.
- Liar!
I'm also afraid little Lisa
is going to need braces.
Oh, no!
I'll be socially unpopular.
More so.
- Are you sure, Doctor?
Well, judge for yourself.
Here's Lisa today.
Without treatment, here's what
she'll look like at age 11...
age 14, age 17...
and, finally, age 18.
- Cool! She'll be a freak.
Bart!
We can stick her in a
trailer, drive her around...
the South and charge two bits a gander.
Now stay tuned
for professional wrestling live...
from the Springfield Grapplarium.
Tonight, a Texas death match--
Dr. Hillbilly versus The Iron Yuppie!
One man will actually be unmasked
and killed in the ring!
I hope they kill that Iron Yuppie.
Thinks he's so big.
Homer, Lisa needs braces.
Don't worry. We won a dental plan
in the strike of'88.
That's where I got this scar.
What do we want?
More equitable treatment
in the hands of management!
When do we want it?
- Soon!
Where's my burrito?
Where's my burrito?
Where's my burrito? Ow!
Then I got this scar sneaking
under the door of a pay toilet.
Welcome, brothers ofLocal643.
As you know, our president,
Chucky Fitzhugh, ain't been seen lately.
We're all praying he'll turn up soon,
alive and well.
Oh, all right, all right. But seriously,
we have to vote on Burns's new contract.
It's basically the same deal, except we
get a free keg of beer for our meetin'.
Yea!
In exchange for that,
we have to give up our dental plan.
So long, dental plan!
Dental plan!
- Lisa needs braces.
Dental plan!
- Lisa needs braces.
Bull's-eye!
Thanks a lot, Carl.
Now I've lost my train of thought.
Dental plan!
- Lisa needs braces.
Dental plan!
- Lisa needs braces.
If we give up our dental plan...
I'll have to pay for Lisa's braces!
People, stop!
We can't give up our dental plan!
Lenny, without that dental plan, you
wouldn't have that diamond in your tooth.
Yoink!
- Hey!
And, Gummy Joe, where would you be
without that dental plan?
Well, I wouldn't have
old chomper here, that's for sure.
You know what I think of this contract?
This!
-
Yeah!
Who is that firebrand, Smithers?
- That's Homer Simpson, sir.
Simpson, eh? New man?
Actually, sir, he thwarted
your campaign for governor...
you ran over his son,
he saved the plant from meltdown...
and his wife painted you in the nude--
Eh, doesn't ring a bell.
Homer! Homer! Homer!
I move that Homer Simpson
be our new union president.
All in favor?
- Aye!
All opposed?
- Nay.
Congratulations, Homer.
-
Hey, what does this job pay?
- Nothin'.
D'oh!
- Unless you're crooked.
Whoo-hoo!
President of the union?
I'm so proud of you, Homie.
This is your chance to get a fair shake
for the workingman.
And make lifelong connections
to the world of organized crime.
Hmm. Organized crime.
Don Homer, I have baked
a special donut just for you.
Mmm. Grazie.
Don Homer, my son,
he has a-trouble with the--
Eh-eh-eh-eh-eh.
Moltobene.
That's a nice a-donut.
Do you think you can get
the dental plan back?
Well, that depends on who's a better
negotiator-- Mr. Burns or me.
Dad, I'll trade you this delicious doorstop
for your crummy old Danish.
Done and done!
D'oh!
Lisa and Marge, these braces
are invisible, painless...
and periodically release a delightful burst...
of Calvin Klein's Obsession for Teeth.
Hmm!
Doctor, we don't have
a dental plan right now...
so we'll need something
a little more... affordable.
These predate stainless steel...
so you can't get them wet.
Hmm, he's a worthy foe.
Look at him, Smithers.
Exercising away while the others
are off at the candy machine.
Hey, Lenny, can you get
this Sugar Daddy off my back?
Okay, but it's the last time.
Mmm!
We don't have to be adversaries,
Homer.
We both want a fair union contract.
Why is Mr. Burns being so nice to me?
And if you'll scratch my back,
I'll scratch yours.
Wait a minute.
Is he coming on to me?
I mean, if I should slip something
into your pocket, what's the harm?
Oh, my God!
He is coming on to me.
After all, negotiations
make strange bedfellows.
-
Sorry, Mr. Burns, but I don't go in
for these backdoor shenanigans.
Sure, I'm flattered, maybe even
a little curious, but the answer is no.
Lisa, so you won't be scared...
I'll show you some of the tools I'll be using.
This is the scraper,
this is the poker...
and this happy little fellow is the gouger.
Now, the first thing I'll be doing...
is chiseling some teeth
out of your jaw bone.
Hold still while I gas you.
Look, fellas! It's Lisa in the sky!
No diamonds though.
Look out for the campy drawing
of Queen Victoria!
Oh, no!
God, help us!
- Help us.
The mirror.
The mirror!
Honey, you look fine.
- Who is it?
Goons.
- Who?
Hired goons.
- Hired goons?
Ah, Homer, I hope Crusher
and Low Blow didn't hurt you.
You know,
you could have just called me.
Oh, yes, but the telephone
is so impersonal.
I prefer the hands-on touch
you only get with hired goons.
Hired goons?
This is the largest TV in the free world.
?Ay, un gatomalodoro!
This is a thousand monkeys working
at a thousand typewriters.
Soon, they'll have written
the greatest novel known to man.
Let's see.
'It was the best of times,
it was the 'blurst' of times'?
You stupid monkey!
-
Oh, shut up.
And this is my basement.
- Gee, it's not as nice as the other rooms.
Yes, I really should stop
ending the tour with it.
Now, let's get down to business.
- Oh, man!
I have to go to the bathroom.
Why did I have all that beer
and coffee and watermelon?
Now, Homer, I know what you're thinking,
and I want to take the pressure off.
It doesn't take a whiz to see
that you're looking out for number one.
Well, listen tome, and you'll make
a big splash very soon.
Oh! Which way to the bathroom?
- Oh, it's the 23rd door on the left.
Nope. Nope. Nope.
He wouldn't even hear me out.
- Find the bathroom all right?
Uh... yeah.
Well, you've won this round, Simpson...
but I'll grind you into the earth like a bug!
Aah! Ohh!
Simpson, be a dear and rub my legs
till the feeling comes back.
A bug, I tell you! A bug!
I'm gonna resign.
I don't know why they made me
union president in the first place.
Because they love you down at the plant.
Yeah, you're right.
Guys are always patting
my bald head for luck...
pinchin' my belly to hear my girlish laugh.
Hmm. That doesn't sound
like they like you at all.
You're right. First thing tomorrow, I'm...
gonna punch Lenny in
the back of the head.
Batten down those cowlicks.
Straighten that part.
Uncross those eyes, mister.
But I can't!
- Oh, sorry, Quigley.
Come on, honey. Smile!
I bet you've got a beautiful smile.
Why don't you share it with the world?
There is no God!
-
Fellow workers, I've been meeting with
Mr. Burns day and night,
and I've had enough.
Strike! Strike! Strike! Strike!
All in favor of a strike?
- Aye!
All opposed?
- Nay.
Who keeps saying that?
It was him. Let's get him, fellas.
Ahh, this is the life.
Smithers, get me some strikebreakers,
the kind they had in the '30s.
We can't bust heads like we used to...
but we have our ways.
-
One trick is to tell them stories
that don't go anywhere...
like the time I caught the ferry
over to Shelbyville.
I needed a new heel for my shoe...
so I decided to go to Morganville...
which is what they called Shelbyville
in those days.
So I tied an onion to my belt...
which was the style at the time.
Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel.
And in those days, nickels
had pictures of bumblebees on 'em.
'Give me five bees for a quarter,'
you'd say.
Now, where were we? Oh, yeah!
The important thing was
that I had an onion on my belt...
which was the style at the time.
They didn't have white onions
because of the war.
The only thing you could get
was those big yellow ones.
Full power, Smithers.
Now do 'Classical Gas.'
Ooh, look at him strutting around
Like he's cock of the walk.
Well, let me tell you,
Homer Simpson is cock of nothing!
Hmm?
Why, you and I can run
this plant ourselves.
Crush! Kill! Destroy!
Tonight on Smartline,
the power plant strike--
argle-bargle or foofaraw?
With us tonight
are plant owner C.M. Burns...
union kingpin Homer Simpson...
and talk show mainstay Dr. Joyce Brothers.
I brought my own mike!
- Yes. Well.
Homer, organized labor has
been called a lumbering dinosaur.
My director is telling me
not to talk to you anymore.
Whoo-hoo!
- Mr. Burns, you mentioned
you wanted an opening tirade.
Yes, thank you, Kent.
Fifteen minutes from now, I will wreak
a terrible vengeance on this city!
No one will be spared! No one!
A chilling vision of things to come.
Oh, for God's sake!
-
Good-bye, Springfield!
From hell's heart, I stab at thee!
Look at them all,
through the darkness I'm bringing.
They're not sad at all.
They're actually singing!
They sing without juicers.
They sing without blenders.
They sing without flunjers,
capdabblers and smendlers!
Ooh!
Tell Simpson I'm ready to deal.
All right, Homer,
you can have the dental plan...
on one condition--
you must resign as head of the union.
Whoo-hoo!
Smithers, I'm beginning to think
that Homer Simpson...
was not the brilliant tactician
I thought he was.
We're going back to work!
-
Yea!
Oh, honey, you can hardly see
your new braces!
And that's the tooth!
Oops. I left the gas on.