The Simpsons (1989–…): Season 4, Episode 10 - Lisa's First Word - full transcript

While trying to coax Maggie into saying her first word, Homer and Marge talk about how Lisa spoke hers.

[Chorus]
## The Simpsons ##

[Bell Ringing]

[Whistle Blowing]

[ Beeping ]

## [Jazzy Solo ]

[ Beeping ]

[ Tires Screeching ]

D'oh!
[ Screams ]

[ Trumpeting ]

Maggie, can you say "ba-ba"?

- Can you say "Mama"?
- Can you say "get bent"?



- Bart!
- Mr. Rogers says it all the time.

- He does not.
- Maggie, can you say "Daddy"? Daddy.

- Kitty. Kitty.
- Be-bop. Be-bop.

Shove it. Shove it.

- [ Belches ]
- Did you hear that? She said "burlap".

I don't think so.

Oh, Maggie,
when are you going to talk?

Well, don't push her.
Remember...

'Tis better to remain silent
and be thought a fool...

than to open your mouth
and remove all doubt."

[ Thinking ]
What does that mean?

You better say something,
or they'll think you're stupid.

Takes one to know one!
Swish!

According to
Fretful Mother Magazine...



if Maggie doesn't talk by age one...

we should consider
a corrective tongue extender.

- Hey, what was my first word?
- Uh, well--

[Marge Snickering]
Whoa!

- [Homer Chuckling] Yes.
- Oh.

?Aye carumba!

You know,
I don't think I remember.

But the story of Lisa's
first word is very cute.

- [ Lisa, Bart ] Tell it, Mom.
- Yeah, tell it, Mom.

Well, this story begins in that
unforgettable spring of 1 983.

Ms. Pac-Man struck a blow
for women's rights.

A young Joe Piscopo
taught us how to laugh.

Before Lisa was born,
we lived in a tiny apartment...

on the Lower East Side of Springfield.

Chipwich for sale!

Chocolate chip or oatmeal raisin!

Chipwich for sale!

- Youse guys wanna play stickball?
- Soitenly.

- Yeah, sure.
- Over here. Come on.

- ## [ "Charge" ]
- [ Beeping ]

Did you girls watch
the last episode of MASH?

That Mike Farrell
really boils my "potata."

I miss-a da Klinger already.

####[Singing Bubblegum Pop]

- Homer!
- [ Chuckling ]

Homer is what grown-ups call me.

Call me Daddy.

- Homer.
- Daddy.

- Homer.
- Daddy.

Da-- Da-- Da--

- Yes?
- Domer. [ Chuckles ]

- Why, you little--
- [ Groaning ]

[ Snoring ]

- [ Yells ]
- Aah!

[ Shrieking Happily]

[Homer]
Ah, he'll tire himself out soon.

[ Yelling Continues ]

Then the prince and the princess...
got married...

and lived happily ever after.

- Then what happened?
- Uh--

They had 30 sons and 30 daughters.

- What were their names?
- [ Groans ]

Dennis, Brianna...

Mavis, Brad--

[ Snoring ]

No, this is true.
The Coast Guard arrested Boy George...

for scraping the barnacles
off his dinghy.

- [Laughing]
- [Audience Laughing]

- Hi-yo!
- [ Laughs ] Hi-yo!

[ Chuckles ]
Got your nose.

Got your wallet.

- [ Flushing ]
- No!

Bart, don't you ever
do that again. Understand?

- Beep.
- [ Growls ]

Guess what, Homie?
There's going to be...

twice as much love in this house
as there is now.

- We're gonna start doin' it in the morning?
- No!

- Oh.
- We're going to have another baby.

Marge, that's--

- Bye-bye, keys.
- [ Flushing ]

[ Yelling ]

Hear that, Bart? You're going to have
a little brother or sister to play with.

- [ Gasps ] Who did this?
- Baby.

- Bad baby.
- [ Chuckles ]

[ Gasps ]

Uh-oh.

I'm afraid we're going
to need a bigger place.

No, we won't.
I've got it all figured out.

The baby can have Bart's crib...

and Bart can sleep with us
until he's 21 .

- Won't that warp him?
- My Cousin Frank did it.

You don't have a Cousin Frank.

He became Francine back in '76.

Then he joined that cult.
I think his name is Mother Shabubu now.

[ Groaning ]

That afternoon, we left Bart with
my sisters and went house-hunting.

Hey, Bart, want a dollar?

Ah, ah, ah.
You know what I wanna hear.

## [ Singing Children's Songs ]

- Oh, yeah.
- Love that spout medley.

[Man]
Now, Mr. And Mrs. Simpson...

the only houses
I have in your price range...

are in the neighborhood colorfully
referred to as the "Rat's Nest."

- [Siren Wailing]
- [Gunfire]

This one just came on the market.

- Oh, dear!
- [ Forced Chuckle ]

Now, here we have beautiful
Hardwood floors, track lighting--

[ Sniffing ]
What's that stench?

Once you get used to the smell
of melted hog fat...

you'll wonder how
you ever did without it.

- Mmm. Hog fat.
- Let's keep looking.

[ Sniffs ]
Ooh. Do you smell something?

Arr! Why buy a house...

when ye can buy a houseboat?

Excuse me.
[ Yells ]

Don't forget to check out the galley.

That's real shag carpeting.
Arr!

[Cats Meowing]

Once we get the cats out,
it won't be too bad.

Actually, according to the will, the cats
own the house. You'd be their tenants.

- [ Screeching ]
- [ Gasps ]

I wish we lived in the kitty house.

I could've trained them to be
my unholy army of the night.

Go, my pretties.
Kill! Kill!

We were about to give up,
when we found a house that was perfect.

Just imagine what we can do
with this place.

Wow. How much? How much?

Well, here's what they're asking.

Oh, I can't afford that!

- Dad, I have a problem.
- Why'd you come to me?

I don't know nothin'.
I used to get by on my looks.

Now they're gone, withered away
like an old piece of fruit.

[ Sobbing ]

- Are you done?
- No, not yet.

I was voted the handsomest boy
in Albany, New York.

Dad, I don't need advice.
I need $1 5,000 to buy a home.

Oh! Well, all I own is this house...

that I built with my own two hands.

You didn't build this house.
You won it on a crooked '50s game show.

I ratted on everybody
and got off scot-free.

Ha-ha!
All right, son.

I'll sell this dump
and write you a check.

Dad, first you gave me life.

Now you've given me
a home for my family.

I'd be honored
If you came to live with us.

Thank you.

So how long before you shipped
Grampa off to the old folks' home?

- About three weeks.
- [ All Laughing ]

Maggie, I'll give you this cookie
If you talk.

What? What?

D'oh! All right,
you win round seven.

When are we gonna get
to my first word?

- Your what what?
- My first word!

Eh, you don't wanna hear that story.
I know!

I'll tell you about the time I got locked
in the bank vault with Mr. Mooney.

- It was another one of my harebrained schemes.
- Dad!

Wait a minute. That was The Lucy Show.
Okay, where were we?

Mom was preggers, and Dad just
threw all our money down the sinkhole.

Ah, yes.
I remember the day we moved in.

[ Straining ]

Hey, Homer, this house sucks.

Bart, I told you not to use that word.
Call me "Daddy".

- Homer. [ Blows Raspberry]
- [Growls]

- [ Gasping ]
- Bart! [ Grunting ]

## [ Singing ]

Buenos d?as, neighboritos.

The handle's Flanders,
but my friends call me Ned.

- Hi, Flanders.
- Who the hell are you?

My name's Todd.
Would you be my friend?

You're funny.
[ Chuckles ]

- If you need anything, just give a whistle.
- I could use a TV tray.

- Well, gee, I--
- What?

I just this minute bought it
at the hardware--

- You said anything.
- [ Chuckles ]

Well, sure, you can borrow it
for a little while.

And that "little while" is now
eight years and counting. [ Chuckles ]

Anyway, Bart had just entered
the terrible twos.

## [ Singing Loudly]

Hello?
Honey? Honey, honey, honey?

Could you please be quiet?

## [ Singing Loudly]

Bart, get out!

[Homer]It's not easy to juggle
a pregnant wife and a troubled child...

but some how I managed to fit in
eight hours of TV a day.

####[Theme]

[ Screaming ]

[ Both Laughing ]

Hey, kids!
[ Laughing ]

Summer's just around the corner,
and Krusty Burger...

is the official meat-flavored sandwich
of the 1 984 Olympics!

[ Straining ]

Coochy coochy coo!

- Krusty funny.
- Duh.

It's all a part of our Krusty Burger
Olympic Sweepstakes.

just scratch off the name of
the Olympic event on your game card...

and if America wins a gold medal...

you win a free Krusty Burger!

Mmm, mmm, mmm!

- [Man]And cut!
- Blah!

I almost swallowed
some of the juice.

[ Groans ]
I'll be tasting that for weeks.

- Great spot, K.C!
- Put a sock in it, preppy.

How much are these
free burgers gonna cost me?

Not to worry, Mr. "K."
We've rigged the cards.

They're all in events
that Communists never lose.

I like. I like.

This just came
over the wires, Big "K."

Uh-huh.
"Soviet boycott.

U.S. unopposed in most events."
How does this affect our giveaway?

Let's see.

You personally stand to lose
44 million dollars.

[ Groaning ]
Oy!

- [ Straining ]
- [Homer Grunting]

- [ Yells ]
- Bart, from now on, the baby sleeps in the crib.

Crib! Crib!
I'm a baby!

All right,
I know how to handle this.

just use a little
reverse psychology.

Let's go, Marge.
Leave the baby with his little crib.

- [ Yelling ]
- [ Straining ]

[Hammering]

Ah. Homer J. Simpson,
you're a genius.

I know you like clowns,
so I made you this bed.

Now you can
laugh yourself to sleep.

[Creepy Voice]
If you should die before you wake--

[ Crazed Laughter]

Can't sleep.
Clown'll eat me.

Can't sleep.
Clown'll eat me.

[ Male Announcer]
Oh, Doctor! We are seconds away...

from the hundred-meter butterfly.

And with the East German--
[ Chuckles ]

women shaving their backs
9,000 miles away...

the Americans are heavy favorites.

[ Stomach Growling ]
Patience, my pet.

- [Gunshot]
- And the Americans jump out to an early lead.

- [ Coughing ]
- [ Female Announcer]
Although we should point out...

that many of the other women represent
countries that don't have swimming pools.

[Male Announcer]
Boohoo! You're breakin' my heart.

Homie, I think the baby's coming.

Wow. A baby and a free burger.

Could this be the best day of my life?

Coming up next,
an hour-long episode of Mama's Family.

Yes!

We'll take good care of your boy,
Simpson.

- Enjoy the miracle of creation!
- Shut up, Flanders.

So, kids, what do you wanna play?

[ Together]
Good Samaritan!

- [ Gasps ] I get to clothe the leper!
- Lucky!

- Suppertime, boys.
- Oh, boy! Liver!

Iron helps us play!

I wanna go home.

- No, I don't.
- ## [ Singing Gospel ]

Where?

Ouch! Ouch!

Pa, can ya help me with my sums?

- [ Screams ]
- Oh, Bart, you met Grandma Flanders.

- Hope she didn't scare ya.
- Hello, Joe!

[ Panting ]

Little Lisa.
I've already started you...

a college fund
at Lincoln Savings and Loan.

According to this magazine,
Bart might be jealous of her.

Yeah, well, Bart can
kiss my hairy yellow butt.

From now on,
the baby sleeps in the crib.

- Iron helps us play!
- [ Crazed Laughter]

- Hello, Joe!
- From now on, the baby sleeps in the crib.

- Iron helps us play!
- [ Crazed Laughter]

- Hello, Joe!
- [Homer]Bart?

There's someone in here
who wants to meet you.

[ Yawning, Cooing ]

Well, Bart, what do you think
of little Lisa?

I hate you.

I saved this newspaper
from the day Lisa was born.

"Mondale to Hart:
Where's the Beef?"

"Where's the beef?"
What the hell's that supposed to mean?

[ Laughing ]
"Where's the beef?"

No wonder he won Minnesota.

Everyone agreed that Lisa
was a beautiful baby.

Here she is!

[ Coughing ]

Isn't that cute?
She's coughing.

Aw. I'm gonna give her a kiss.

- I know a new song.
- You still here?

## [ Singing In French, Badly]

Um, uh--
## [ Starts Over]

You already sang that part.

The older they get,
the cuter they ain't.

Hey, the baby just spit up.

[Baby Talk]

[Male Announcer]
Welcome back to the final day of this--

the 23rd Olympiad,
brought to you by Krusty Burger.

You people are pigs!
[ Sobbing ]

I personally am gonna spit
in every 50th burger.

- I like those odds.
- [Announcer]In a moment...

we'll look at the courageous
Korean gymnast Kim Huyang...

who made a perfect dismount on what was
later revealed to be a broken leg.

- [ Bone Snaps ]
- [ Screaming ]

[ Chuckling ] Ouch!
But first, let's go to the boxing venue.

Please, please, please, please, please!

[ Howard Cosell ]
The American, Drederick Tatum...

does a triumphant turkey trot
over the supine Swede.

One's thoughts turn to
Alexander of Macedon's victory...

at Granicus and Issus.

[ Chattering ]

U.S.A! U.S.A! U.S.A!

Carl Lewis, I could kiss you!

[ Chuckling ]

She has the reflexes
of a young Mary Lou Retton.

- Have a "wowwipop."
- Can I have a lollipop?

Oh, Bart, I'm afraid
that was the last one.

But I've got something even better
for you-- a rubella inoculation.

[ Chuckling ]

## [ Humming Lullaby]

I wanna hold the baby.
I wanna hold the baby.

I'm sorry, Bart.
You're too little.

Here, Bart,
you can hold my beer.

- Homer!
- What?

Good night, honey.

Hello, Lisa.

Lisa, time for your feed--
[ Screaming ]

Who's cuter now?

She started it.

[ Giggling ]

Stupid mailman.
Squeal on me.

- [Doorbell Rings]
- Hidey-ho, Simpson.

Your son shoved this
through our doggie door.

And since we're returning
your second-born...

you think you could see your way
to returning my TV tray--

Boy, you get over
to the corner and you--

Yeah.

I liked it when it was
me, Mom and Homer.

You wrecked everything.
I'm leaving. Good-bye.

- Bart.
- What did you say?

- Bart?
- Sufferin' succotash!

- You can talk!
- Goo.

Mom, Dad, she can talk!
Say it again, Lise.

- Bart. Bart, Bart, Bart, Bart, Bart.
- I'm her first word!

Well, I'm not surprised.
Lisa's crazy about you.

She thinks you hung the moon.

Wow!
Lisa, can you say "Mommy"?

- Mommy.
- Can you say "David Hasselhoff"?

Dave Hassahoff.
[ Chuckles ]

- Can you say "Daddy"?
- Homer.

- No, sweetie. "Daddy".
- Homer.

- D'oh!
- [ Both Laughing ]

- I was sitting there!
- I don't see your name on it.

- It's right there.
- Bart, don't write on the rug.

Ha-ha. Mom yelled at you.

- Did not.
- Did too.

You know, Maggie, the sooner kids talk,
the sooner they talk back.

I hope you never say a word.

Daddy.

- [ People Chattering ]
- Shh!