The Simpsons (1989–…): Season 33, Episode 5 - Lisa's Belly - full transcript

Lisa reacts to a hurtful word spoken by Marge while Bart gets swole.

Riot Rivers!

Aah!

(humming softly)

- Riot Rivers!
- (gasps)

HOMER (staticky):
Honey, are you in there?

Yes.

- Riot Rivers!
- Aah!

(chanting):
Ri-ot Riv-ers! Ri-ot Riv-ers!

There it is! Turn!

- (tires squealing)
- Calm down!

I'm not gonna miss
your stupid water park.



It's not stupid.

Riot Rivers was the greatest
summer job I ever had.

Getting paid to watch
people of all ages eat it,

again and again.

Just eatin' it so hard!

- ♪ I wanna rock ♪
- ♪ Rock! ♪

(laughter)

♪ I wanna rock ♪

♪ Rock! ♪

- ♪ I want to rock ♪
- ♪ Rock! ♪

Wait a minute.

They did a documentary
about this place.

(dramatic music plays)

No, it didn't happen that way.



There was different music.

(giggling)

Hmm?

Quiet Rivers?!

They changed the
"ruh" to a "qwah."

Did you know about this?

I told you they changed
the name before we left.

I thought you were joking.

That's the problem
with you, Marge.

You're always kidding around.

(laughter and chatter)

HOMER (groaning): Oh...

Oh!

Come on!

See? They turned all the
super cool rides into baby rides.

And the teens working here...

They're not even laughing
at the kids wiping out.

They're loading
them in feet first.

Hey! Where are your cutoffs?

Are you even high?

There's nothing
worse in this universe

than a ride steering
wheel that does nothing.

No, it does something.

It makes the frog smile.

- (Maggie babbles) -
(Milhouse humming)

Oh, man, swim diapers.

I remember those.

True freedom.

I could tell you some stories.

BOTH: Can we leave yet?

Can we leave yet?
Can we leave yet?

Aw, you kids don't know,

but this place used
to be so bitchin'.

And the best slide of
all was right over there.

Think of it.

90% of all hospitalizations

off just one ride!

I wonder...

(gasps) It's still here.

The Devil's Deluge
had the longest lines,

the scariest turns,
even its own ambulance!

Hello, my love.

Did you miss me?

♪ ♪

Wow.

- Looks dry.
- (wind whistling)

And dangerous.

(Homer grunting softly)

Children, behold the deluge.

For today, we
punch fear in the face

and steal death's girlfriend,

as we truly live
for the first time.

(crashes)

Also, this is now
the only way down.

- ♪ I wanna rock ♪
- ♪ Rock! ♪

(Bart and Lisa screaming)

- Branch!
- ♪ I wanna rock ♪

- ♪ Rock! ♪
- Possums!

O-possums!

- ♪ I want to rock ♪
- (hissing)

♪ Rock! ♪

(Bart shouting)

- ♪ I wanna rock ♪
- ♪ Rock! ♪

(all yelling)

- ♪ I wanna rock ♪
- ♪ Rock! ♪

(laughter)

Oh, man, I saw my life
flash before my eyes.

I've had an awesome life.

(laughter)

Oh, look at those smiles.

I knew you guys
could have fun here.

Yeah, nothing gets
the heart pumping

like a brush with... nothing.

(stomachs gurgling)

Um, I don't feel so good.

Aw. The quiet rivers in
my tummy are becoming...

raging waters.

Upstairs or downstairs?

- Both!
- Both!

Uh, out of the water!
Out of the water!

(sirens blaring)

Not me this time.

According to these tests,

your kids' insides and
outsides have been exposed

to a toxic mix of
30-year-old hairspray,

hot dog water, opossum dander,

and a grab bag of intestinal
and skin-based parasites.

(chuckles)

Oh, my poor queasy babies.

Hmm. I wonder why
Homer didn't get sick.

He even went to work today.

- (sirens blaring) - HOMER:
Upstairs and downstairs!

Bart and Lisa will be
fine after a little TLC.

By TLC, I mean "taking
Lorexo-Cortisone."

And by little, I mean a
four-week intensive regimen.

Oh, steroids? Are
there any side effects?

Nothing serious.

Maybe a little
temporary weight gain.

Hurry up, kids!

You don't want to be late
for your first day of school.

Ah, a new school year.

Uncracked books, pink erasers,

a binder where
the rings still meet.

And I get to find
out what happened

to those praying mantis
eggs I left in Skinner's office.

If, uh, we all agree to respect
each other's workspace,

this, uh, year
will go just fine.

(hissing)

Oh, look at that belly. Mwah.

(singsongy): Someone's
getting chunky!

(in slow motion): Chunky.

(distorted growling)

♪ ♪

(humming)

(screaming)

Off you go.

Don't want to be
late for school.

Oh.

LISA: Okay, forget
about what Mom said.

Don't let it ruin the
first day of school.

That's the best day of the year!

Welcome, class.

This year, we'll be learning
lessons that will stay with you

for the rest of your lives.

(shrieks)

(Lisa sighs)

(breathing deeply)

Calm down. It's okay.

SKINNER: Attention, students.

Due to budget
cuts, the following

after-school programs have
been cancelled: dance chunk,

intramural chunk-ing,
and chunky chunk chunk.

LISA: What is going on with me?

I'm going chunky.
Aah! I mean, crazy!

(whimpering quietly)

Get a grip.

- (rhythmic
pulsating) - (gasping)

♪ Chunk-chunky, chunk ♪

♪ Chunk, chunk! ♪

Chunk-chunk!

Chunky!

(whimpers)

Lisa is soft now.

(screaming)

- (sleeves rip)
- Hmm?

Dang, Simpson.

Have you been to Costco?

'Cause you're carrying bulk.

Oh, that's because of
the steroids I was taking.

- You see, my mom...
- Steroids!

- Nice!
- Yeah, badass!

Like I was saying,

I've been juicing
pretty hard all summer.

Had to stop because
I beat up my dad.

ALL: Roid rage!

No more hanging out with
those babies for you, Simpson.

Today, you become a man.

What is this place?

It used to be a padded
cell for left-handed kids.

Welcome to the Meat Castle.

♪ ♪

Say goodbye to your victim bod.

Your shred-ucation begins today.

- (heavy metal music
plays) - Yeah. Swole!

- So swole!
- (others grunting)

- (vocalizing) - Swole!
Swole. Swole. Swole!

(all grunting)

I'm living every kid's dream...

To be accepted
by his tormentors.

MARGE (singsongy):
Someone's getting chunky!

(Lisa groans)

Oh, honey, you seem
down in the dumps.

And I know why.

You do? (sighs)

Because it's really
hard to talk about when...

Of course. I don't know
what I was thinking...

by not taking you shopping
for back-to-school clothes.

Wait, wha...?

Oh. Nothing upside
downs my frowns

like a girls' trip to the mall.

I don't know, Mom.

I'm just not feeling it.

Mm.

(gasps) Can I
get it? Can I get it?

(squeals excitedly)

Hmm. I'm not sure that's a fit.

Are you positive that's
the eight-year-old size?

Oh, super pos.

Let's upsize her to a ten short.

- (static) - Get me some
tens out here, Derek.

The eights are a freaking
disaster on this kid!

Forget it, Mom. Let's just go.

Nuh-uh.

We're not leaving this mall

until we find you a
really fun ensemble.

(Lisa groans)

That is so the look.

Yes, I think that is the look.

Mom, it's too big!

No, it's not.

It's very flattering.

It's not your job

to constantly comment
on my appearance!

But, honey, I could
never pull that off.

On you, it's so eye-catching.

Oh, you are slaying those tens.

Do you really think I want
to call attention to myself?!

Ugh! Get this thing off of me!

(Lisa muttering)

Okay, why don't
you give these a try?

LISA: No!

(Lisa grunting)

Um, let's take a
little fro-yo break.

You can't fix
everything with fro-yo!

(laughs) That's what you
acted like before the medicine.

Young lady, in this family, we
put clothing back on the hanger

so the salesperson
will think we're classy!

Why are you acting
like such a cranky pants?

Stop talking to
me about clothes!

How's everything going
in here? I brought twelves.

Do we need more twelves in here?

This mall is an assault
on human dignity!

I hate it! I hate it! I
hate it! I hate it! I hate it!

- (shouting gibberish)
- (Marge groaning)

If they ask who
helped you today,

remember, I'm Shauna.

They don't respect you

unless you insult
them just a little bit.

- Girls?
- Cops.

- For real.
- Yeah. Def. Yeah.

Oh, look who got a
visit from the pube fairy.

Dude, those aren't pubes.

Yeah-huh. Everything
new is a pube.

So, Simpson, you got
your eyes on any ladies?

Uh, yeah, I'm talking to a
couple dozen honeys right now.

I'm in love with most of 'em,

but right now, I want to
keep my focus on the gym.

- (timer dings) -
Pizza rolls are hot!

Uh, what about our reps?

There's plenty
of time for that...

after a weight fight!

(grunting, laughing)

(grunting continues)

Working out is awesome!

We don't slam doors
in this house! (groans)

(rhythmic grunting)

(Homer whimpers)

So, uh, how was the mall?

Apparently, I'm the worst
mother in the world for being nice.

Lisa had a huge tantrum in
front of the cell phone jewelry.

I've asked her a hundred
times what the problem is,

and she won't tell me.

Can you talk to her?

Of course, honey.

Time for me to earn my
"World's Greatest Dad" mug.

You bought that for yourself
in the hospital gift shop

while I was giving birth.

We both left with
something special that day.

(Homer moans softly)

Honey,

if something's bothering you,

you got to let it out.

Like swallowed burps,

buried feelings can burst
out at the worst possible...

(burps)

Mom called me "chunky."

HOMER: Oh, my God.

Marge did the one thing no
parent is ever supposed to do...

Acknowledge what
their children look like!

Oh, what do I say
to make it better?

I know. I'll tell her Marge
isn't her real mother,

and Lisa and I should
pack up and leave forever.

No, something about
that feels wrong.

Hmm, I must use
an entire lifetime

of fatherly knowledge
to help my daughter.

(clears throat)

Buying versus
leasing... Pros and cons.

How many miles do you
think you'll be driving a year?

Thanks for trying, Dad.

That is what you
were doing, right?

Yes.

I can't expect you to
understand my problem.

I just wish I didn't
care what people think.

Honey, if you didn't care,
you wouldn't be human.

(gasps) Not human, I say.

Here we are.

When you called for help, I
was hoping you needed someone

to spell-check
your suicide note.

And just so we're clear,
you dented cue ball,

we're not doing this for you.

We're here for Lisa.

Hey, look who stopped by!

How would you like to go on a
completely spontaneous outing

with your aunts?

- Uh...
- In our world, that's a "yes."

We heard what your
mother said. Not cool.

We only use "chunky" to
describe jewelry and stew.

And since we've had
stew for breakfast...

(gasps)

Kid, your Aunt Selma and I have
been called every mean name

in the book.

You just got to let
it roll off your back.

But how?

♪ When the world ♪

♪ Hurts your feelings ♪

♪ And on certain words
you tend to dwell ♪

♪ Then live life
like your aunties ♪

♪ And tell the
jerks to go to hell ♪

♪ This is the dawning of
the age of who gives a crap ♪

♪ The age of who gives a crap ♪

(all groaning)

- ♪ Who gives a
crap ♪ - (neighs)

♪ Who gives a crap... ♪

♪ Muffin tops, jowls
and crow's feet ♪

♪ Droopy boobs
and no thigh gap ♪

♪ Chicken skin and body odor ♪

♪ Chin hairs that
need some trimmin' ♪

♪ All these things that's
wrong with women ♪

♪ It's all good,
just go on livin' ♪

♪ Who gives a crap... ♪

♪ Who gives a crap? ♪

(people groaning)

(humming "Let the Sunshine In")

Lisa, your dad told me
why you've been upset.

I'm so sorry for what I said.

It was a mistake,
and I feel terrible.

Thanks, Mom, but
spending the afternoon

with Aunt Patty and Selma
made me feel a lot better

about myself.

And also, a lot worse
about everyone else.

Mm. Why couldn't I just
keep my mouth shut?

After all, now that
you're off the steroids,

soon you'll be back to normal.

And you'll be my
perfect little girl again.

So, we all better now?

(screaming)

Ooh, how about this one?

It has a lot of notes.

I know you like those.

Don't pretend you
know what I like.

Oh, can you just tell me
why we're back to glowering?!

- Huh?
- Marge,

I know all about the rough
patch you're having with Lisa.

I went through the exact same
thing with Milhouse. (laughs)

We're so similar, you and I.

Are we, though?

Look, I don't just give
this name to everybody.

Just my best girlfriends.

MARGE: Hmm.

Hypnotherapy?

Isn't that a little... woo-woo?

Dr. Sage is amazing.

We went in not speaking,
and after one session,

- we're back in the tub together!
- Mm.

- (Lisa blowing notes)
- (gasps)

(sighs): Oh.

What's up, workout bros?

Who wants toaster
strudel? Extra glaze packets!

- Hmm?
- (giggling)

(gasps) Guys, look
out! There's girls in here.

They're called
girlfriends, baby dork.

Well, Jimbo and Flor
haven't made it official,

but we're all hopeful.

BOTH: We don't do labels!

But-but I thought we
came here to work out

and-and microwave golf
balls and talk about girls,

but not real ones!

(crying) I thought
we were big boys!

(all moaning, laughing)

♪ ♪

BART: So dawn bros down to day.

Nothing swole can stay.

Marge, Lisa, today, we'll
be using hypnotherapy

as a tool that builds empathy

by exploring the landscapes
of each other's minds.

I'm sorry. I just find it
a little hard to believe

that everything's going
to be solved just because

you swing a gold pocket
watch in front of my face.

(laughs) Oh, hypnotism
has come a long way

since pocket watches.

Now, look into Dr. Mysterio's
Mesmerific Hypnowheel.

♪ ♪

BOTH: Spinny thing.

Where are we?

We're in my mind,

and I thought this woman
was a total quack. (laughs)

DR. SAGE: I can hear
everything you're saying.

Sorry.

It's so nice here.

I feel like I should
take my shoes off.

There's a Zen
garden, a waterfall.

(screams)

Chunky!

And it's taking up
so much space!

Look what it's done
to the Powerpuff Girls.

(whimpering)

What if I never get
"Chunky" out of my head?

Oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry.

If I put it there, then
I'm going to get it out.

(grunting)

(moans) Oh.

I never realized how
much power my words have.

Now that you've explored
Lisa's subconscious,

perhaps we should
travel to Marge's.

I have one of those?

My old bedroom.

This must be one of my memories.

Mom, what do you
think of my new haircut?

It's nice, but I do think

longer hair complements
your plain features.

"Plain." Oh, my God.

I don't remember her saying
that, but now I know why

it's been in my head
every waking minute.

(cries, sniffles)

Oh, Lisa, now I know
exactly how I made you feel.

Now I know exactly how you felt.

BOTH: I love you!

I love both of you!

I guess the hurtful things

your mother says to you
never totally disappear.

Maybe they don't,
but I really believe

that if you're aware of them,

those words will lose
their power over you...

very, very, very slowly.

If at all.

But probably not.

I wonder if everyone has words

from their childhood
stuck inside their heads.

(snoring) Ah, lazy.

Shh!