The Simpsons (1989–…): Season 32, Episode 7 - Three Dreams Denied - full transcript
Bart becomes a voice over actor, Comic Book Guy is humiliated at Comic-Con and Lisa is set up for a fall.
Ha!
- (panicked gobbling)
- (sighs)
D'oh!
(tires screech)
(grunts)
You said you'd be home at 7:00.
Go sleep on the bed.
(blows sharply)
♪ ♪
Oh, dear. (sighs)
Oh, who am I kidding?
I will never have enough money
to go to San Diego.
Oh, maybe next year.
But how many "next years"
do I have left?
Leave me.
I have no patience
for buyers, sellers,
or parking meter
quarter needers.
I didn't drag this wagon
full of garbage
to be yelled at
by a talking circle!
Ouch. Yes. Well, touché.
Listen up, super size.
I want to get rid
of Seymour's toys
before he turns 60.
Oh, let's see, nothing of value,
nothing of val...
Wait a minute.
Oh, my God, this is why I nerd.
Yes! An original
Radioactive Man doll.
Hmm, mint in box, too.
Yes, I may have occasionally
seen one of these.
In my dreams!
Yes, um, excuse me
just for-for one moment.
(muffled): I might make money!
HULK HAND VOICE:
Hulk smash! Hulk smash!
Three, two, sold!
At last, I can afford
a trip to Comicalooza.
Oh, but not enough money
for my wife.
Mm.
Oh, what luck.
And the first chance to wear
my Doctor Octopus costume
since my uncle's funeral.
It is happening!
♪ ♪
Mm.
Do you still have it? Do you?
I-I'm afraid not.
It's on its way
to a lucky collector
who will enjoy not opening it.
- So sorry.
- Damn you, Mother.
I haven't been
this angry with you
since you enlisted me
in the Marines.
Your draft number was too high.
The suspense was killing me.
♪ ♪
(humming)
(gasps)
Who's the new guy?
A saxophone. (gasps)
I wouldn't kick him
out of the library
for ignoring my shush.
Could he be any cooler?
Oh, I'm gushing in the key of
(squeals): E...!
Okay, don't gaze at his eyes.
Don't stare at his smile.
Don't talk out loud.
- You know, I can hear you.
- (screams)
Settle, children, settle.
First, we have
a new band member.
Blake, raise your hand.
Second, we're having
a chair challenge tomorrow.
Lisa Simpson will be playing
to retain her seat.
Your challenger is Blake.
Full disclosure,
I'm pretty good.
Well, I'm happy, 'cause
whether I beat you or not,
- I'll get to sit next to you.
- (nervous laugh)
Stop with the blue eyes,
will you?
Less meet-cute, more toot-toot.
(band playing discordantly)
Great. Now, keep playing.
I have a very important meeting
in the instrument closet.
CBD gummies, take me away.
Mmm, mmm, mmm.
(entry bells jingle)
(imitating Marlon Brando): "You come to
me on the hay of my daughter's bedding
and make me an ostrich
I can't refuse."
Uh, who are you?
(normal voice): I'm Phil,
filling in for Comic Book Guy.
(imitating Comic Book Guy):
Also known as
the Snark Knight
and Mean Lantern.
Stop being weird.
(normal voice): I'm not being
weird. I'm a voice-over artist.
I do voices for
your favorite cartoons.
(imitating Itchy):
Like Itchy the mouse.
(high-pitched laugh)
I never dreamed
real people did those voices.
I'm a little embarrassed
to say this,
but I do voices, too.
- (normal voice): Oh? Like who?
- Like this kid Nelson.
You don't know him,
but he's all...
(imitating Nelson): "Haw-haw,"
and, "Smell you later."
- (grunts)
- Haw-haw!
Smell you later.
Hey, you're pretty good.
And I do an awesome
Todd Flanders,
but it's not worth
meeting Todd Flanders.
- Do some more.
- Well, how about...
(imitating Christopher Lloyd):
that guy from Back to the Future.
Kid, we've got to help
your parents have sex.
- Do another.
- (imitating Michael Caine): All right,
I'll do Michael bloody Caine,
if you don't mind.
If you want to live
in my cider house,
there are some rules!
Wow, if I knew who that was,
I would be even more impressed.
(saxophone playing jazz music)
Do you ever worry
that Lisa tries too hard
and Bart doesn't try enough?
Marge, you know our deal.
We don't mention the kids
after 7:00.
Where is Bart, anyway?
He should have been home by now.
Can you call him?
I've got to get started
on second dinner.
Boy, where are you?
I'm hanging with a stranger.
He's got so many
different personalities.
Oh, will you be home
before dark, yes or no?
What am I, a Magic 8-Ball?
Sounds great.
Looks like all of us
are living the dream.
(Debussy's "Clair de Lune"
playing)
♪ ♪
CAPTAIN (over P.A.): Folks,
we'll be landing in San Diego soon.
On the right side you can see
the Pacific Ocean,
and on the left, oh, I think
there's Superman flying
- right behind us.
- Oh.
Oh, don't patronize us, please.
Hmm. Mm-hmm.
- Working on questions to ask at the panels?
- Yes.
Well, I've been going since '75.
Seen it all.
Adam West in shorts, a line
to meet Brendan Fraser.
But you know the most
amazing thing I ever saw?
- What?
- Once, a guy asked a question so good,
he got a job with
Marvel on the spot.
Ooh, me write for Marvel?
Be a part of the
committee that would decide
the fate of the Avengers?
Then people like me
could make fun of me.
But those ain't gonna cut it,
fanboy.
Then I will write the
best question ever.
Was he real or...
Of course I'm real,
and a real person
should never be booked
between you and this guy.
I am Groot.
Kosher meal for Steve Fishbein.
I am Steve Fishbein.
Comicalooza,
even more glorious than I dreamed.
(clank)
I should not have
done that. Very stupid.
Every man a Batman,
every woman a Harley Quinn.
The chance to rub elbows
with the who's who of Dr. Who.
And to ride an escalator
next to Ant-Man Paul Rudd!
You are Ant-Man Paul Rudd.
Oh, God,
I hate my approachable everyman looks.
Yes, a question, please,
from someone who is
still willing to become a fan.
If you had access
to an Avengers-style
quantum time loop,
would you go back in time
and not be in Dinner
for Schmucks?
Activate VIP pass.
(dance music playing)
(gasps): For two seconds
I saw inside the VIP room.
I saw Jon Favreau
sniffing hummus
to see if it was still good.
(inhales sharply) Time
for a celebratory pretzel.
Rib-it, rib-it.
Who are you?
Boba Fett on a job interview.
Well, begone. I'm writing
the perfect panel question.
Get out of here.
(marker squeaking)
Oh, my God. Oh,
my God, I have it.
"Are superheroes
America's new religion?
And if so,
shouldn't comic book profits be tax-free?"
(triumphant fanfare)
I will work for Marvel,
and they will finally
be successful.
Hey, good question.
Thank you, Professor X.
I'm not Professor X.
I am just a bald
man in a wheelchair
searching for his child.
- Hey, Lisa. - Oh, hey, Blake.
This is where I eat
when I want to be alone.
Uh, I don't want to be alone,
though.
Um, want to share wasabi
peas? They're really dry.
Are you a veggie?
- Yes, I am. - Me, too.
This is a BLT: bread,
lettuce and tomato.
Hey,
quit talking to my girlfriend.
I am not your girlfriend.
Right, right. We're focused on
career days and
homework right now.
- But love has a way of...
- Get away from me.
Oh, my God, Lisa,
we've become my parents.
Well, I just wanted to wish
you good luck and, uh...
(blows sharply)
(smooth jazz playing)
(buzzing like insects)
- (loud zap) - (notes cry out)
Ah, my favorite sound: silence.
(chuckling): See ya.
Okay,
a little bigger than I thought.
Oh, boy, it's like Burning Man for nerds,
although
to be fair,
Burning Man is also Burning Man for nerds.
Man, there's a lot of nerds.
Hello, Hall H.
Let's let out a roar
they can hear in Asgard.
Question,
isn't sound to Asgard blocked
by the vacuum of space?
Actually,
sound is transmitted by Yggdrasil,
the tree that connects the
nine worlds of the cosmos.
But transmission
doesn't come into it.
This has never not been true.
- (overlapping arguing) -
Have you ever read Thor?
Wha-What? Whoa.
We have some of the greatest
creators in the industry here.
Daniel Kim, Zoe Burwell,
and David Z. Cohen!
(cheering)
Oh, my God, oh, my God,
oh, my God, oh, my God!
I've been blocked on
Twitter by all of them.
And now it's time for...
audience questions.
(microphone feedback)
Yes. Third position.
Time to prepare. And
just two steps to the mic.
It's perfect.
Um, I-I'd like to ask,
how would someone like me
get someone like you
to-to look at my work?
I'll look at your work.
Uh, actually, uh, I-I don't...
I don't have any work, per se.
Next.
Closer to me. Closer to me.
(panting, grunting)
Isn't it true that
Superman represented
the subconscious desire
of creators Jerry Siegel
and Joe Shuster to defeat
the Nazi menace in 1938?
Wow. Wow.
I have never heard
a question that good.
(cheering, applause)
Oh, yes, yes, good question.
And I believe the
answer is "a-doy."
And now for the query
that will blow them away.
Uh, uh, where's my question?
Ha, did I use it as a napkin?
No, I never use a napkin. Ugh,
where is it?
- Next! - Um, uh...
Yes, my question is, um, uh...
Okay, I forgot my question.
Worst question ever.
- No! - (laughter)
Welcome to Marvel.
(crying): No.
We could offer you a job at DC.
Yes, hard pass.
Ugh. Just when I thought this
day could not get any worse.
(laughs)
Okay, the day you've been
waiting for: chair challenges.
We begin with Ralph
challenging for first triangle.
(grunts) I'm halfway through.
Once again,
first triangle will be an empty chair.
The better chair won.
Now, for first saxophone,
Lisa Simpson.
Hey, vegetarian,
I soaked your reed
- in hot dog water. - (gasps)
Ew, ew, ew.
(saxophone playing)
Terrible. Blake?
- (saxophone plays) - Terrible,
but better.
- You're first chair. - (gasps)
You were playing
me the whole time.
(school bell rings)
Don't you walk away from me.
Well, very soon,
I will outplay you,
my blues will be blue-ier,
my "Baker Street"
will be more baked,
and I will get my chair back.
It may not be today,
or tomorrow,
because tomorrow
we have a field trip,
or two days after
that because that's...
that's no school,
but-but on the 11th.
Yeah, the 11th,
it's mine, buddy.
That's the science fair.
Aah! Thanks for reminding me!
(shouts)
Okay, audition for King of Cookie Castle,
take one.
Okay, you got this,
Phil. Book it, book it good.
- We ready?
- Off with their heads.
Off with their feet.
Grind the rest
into a sugary treat.
Beautiful, you got the part.
Beautiful,
you got the fart. (fart noise)
(laughs) Hey, the kid's not bad.
We might have a part for him,
too.
And if he improvises like that,
I can fire the writers.
Read this, kid.
(English accent): Eat my tights.
- You're hired. - Wow.
Who knew it was so easy
to become a working actor?
MARGE: Hmm.
Okay,
everyone say one thing they did today.
I'll start.
I lost my half-cup
measuring cup,
so I used two quarter cups.
Crisis averted.
I booked a voice-over job,
and the show airs tomorrow.
I thought animation
took nine months.
No,
you can do any cartoon in a day.
Anyone who takes longer is
just trying to bleed the studio dry.
And this is what
they're paying me.
(scoffs) That's baloney.
Anybody could
fake a check from...
"Warner Bros. Animation."
No, it's legit.
I made more in a minute
than you do in a month, fatso.
- Why, you little...
- Uhp-uhp-uhp.
Keep your hands
off the moneymaker.
And don't look me in the voice.
(grunts) Lisa, how was your day?
Well, my life is in ruin,
and I'm trying to think of some
possible plan to rescue myself.
Plans are fine,
but never underestimate
the power of giving up.
Because if you think about it,
see, uh, s-spontan...
Eh, forget it.
ANNOUNCER: Coming up,
Cookie Castle,
introducing Bart Simpson.
Oh,
I still think we all could have fit.
Now get a good look.
This is your last chance
to see normal Bart
before I become a star.
Then I'll be the guy who sells
you out with a tell-all book.
Boo-yeah.
(cheering, applause)
Yeah, go, Bart.
(gasps) You got
the "and" credit.
I negotiated that,
in lieu of having a teacher on set. Bam.
(lions growl)
I kneel before you, Jules.
BART'S VOICE: Rise, sir knight,
and kiss the gentle
hand of your sovereign.
You play a girl?
- (laughter) - Come on.
(gasps) They
didn't tell me that.
My place is in the scullery.
(groans) I thought "scullery"
was where they kept the skulls.
(singsongy): Bart plays a girl,
Bart plays a girl.
And his accent's inconsistent.
(groans)
♪ ♪
(knocking on door)
- Bart? - (Bart groans)
Go away.
No, I'm-I'm not gonna tease you.
I'm proud that my brother isn't
bound by gender stereotypes
or heteronormative thinking.
Ugh. I hate the way
your generation talks.
I have something to tell you.
Oh, don't tell me I'm
nominated for an Annie Award.
- Those things are worthless.
- Much more important.
For my problem,
there's no answer.
But what you're doing is brave,
and it's a little dangerous,
and you should be proud.
Really?
That's right, my friend.
You should walk into school
with your head held high.
All right, I will.
Hey, everyone,
I'm Princess Jules
and I'm proud.
JIMBO: One question:
do you identify
as "him" or "her?"
- Him. - Get him!
(grunting)
(humming)
(gasps) Uh,
y-you're not gonna yell at me?
No. I have lost
my will to berate.
Aw, I'm sorry.
Ralph Wiggum feels sorry for me.
And farther still do I fall.
This will be here for me later.
Leave me alone. Get out of here,
you stupid kid.
You're like a Gollum
with worse hair,
a subcommittee meeting
of the Galactic Senate,
a Spider-Man drawn
by John Romita Jr. Jr.
Uh... you fixed me.
- You fixed me. - Yay!
Let's see, where could I move?
Toluca Lake. Lot of
voice-over work there.
It would be nice to fly
in and out of Burbank.
(phone ringing)
Bart, turn on your show.
You mean the show
that ruined my life?
Just turn it on. You're
not a princess anymore.
You're a queen.
WARRIOR: Majesty,
the royal unicorn is waiting
for your dainty bottom.
Aw, geez.
(unicorn snorts)
(neighs)
(grunts, screams)
(gasps)
(phone chiming)
Whoa. Who knew a
princess could be badass?
I'm gonna get a Queen
Bart action figure.
Whoa. The unicorn's
killed every adult in sight.
(unicorn neighing)
From now on, hands off Bart.
What about me?
I like the bullying.
It's a form of attention.
Also, hands off Milhouse.
No.
- (car alarm
ringing) - LISA: Well,
I can't play to my abilities
or in a stupid first chair,
but I can still just
play for the fun of it.
Beat it. This is our turf.
♪ ♪
(applause)
Free pretzel?
The greatest
award I've ever won.
Still up there.
Although Dad ate
the original pretzel.
Stick it on the tray.
- No. - D'oh.
I'm addicted to
playing for free.
Which is the least dangerous
addiction a musician can have.
♪ ♪
I want to like it. I just don't.
If you could go back in time
and not make one Hulk movie,
which would it be and why?
The most popular superheroes
are Superman,
Batman, Spider-Man,
so I propose creating
SuperSpiderBat.
Why do people who see
Superman first think "It's a bird"?
And why do they feel
the need to say it out loud?
"Look, it's a bird." I mean,
who says that?
BLAKE: ♪ Any note you can reach,
I can go higher ♪
LISA: ♪ I can sing
anything higher than you ♪
- BLAKE: ♪ No, you can't, no,
you can't ♪ -♪ Yes, I can ♪
- LISA: ♪ Yes, I can, yes,
I can ♪ -♪ No, you can't ♪
- BLAKE: ♪ No, you can't, no,
you can't ♪ -♪ Yes, I can ♪
- LISA: ♪ Yes, I can, yes,
I can ♪ -♪ No, you can't ♪
- BLAKE: ♪ No, you can't, no,
you can't ♪ -♪ Yes, I can ♪
- LISA: ♪ Yes, I can, yes,
I can ♪ -♪ No, you can't ♪
- BLAKE: ♪ No, you can't, no,
you can't ♪ -♪ Yes, I can ♪
- LISA: ♪ Yes, I can, yes,
I can ♪ -♪ No, you can't ♪
- BLAKE: ♪ No,
you can't ♪ - LISA: ♪ Yes, I can ♪
BLAKE: ♪ No, you can't, no,
you can't, no, you can't! ♪
LISA: All right,
I can't. Big whoop.
Shh!
- (panicked gobbling)
- (sighs)
D'oh!
(tires screech)
(grunts)
You said you'd be home at 7:00.
Go sleep on the bed.
(blows sharply)
♪ ♪
Oh, dear. (sighs)
Oh, who am I kidding?
I will never have enough money
to go to San Diego.
Oh, maybe next year.
But how many "next years"
do I have left?
Leave me.
I have no patience
for buyers, sellers,
or parking meter
quarter needers.
I didn't drag this wagon
full of garbage
to be yelled at
by a talking circle!
Ouch. Yes. Well, touché.
Listen up, super size.
I want to get rid
of Seymour's toys
before he turns 60.
Oh, let's see, nothing of value,
nothing of val...
Wait a minute.
Oh, my God, this is why I nerd.
Yes! An original
Radioactive Man doll.
Hmm, mint in box, too.
Yes, I may have occasionally
seen one of these.
In my dreams!
Yes, um, excuse me
just for-for one moment.
(muffled): I might make money!
HULK HAND VOICE:
Hulk smash! Hulk smash!
Three, two, sold!
At last, I can afford
a trip to Comicalooza.
Oh, but not enough money
for my wife.
Mm.
Oh, what luck.
And the first chance to wear
my Doctor Octopus costume
since my uncle's funeral.
It is happening!
♪ ♪
Mm.
Do you still have it? Do you?
I-I'm afraid not.
It's on its way
to a lucky collector
who will enjoy not opening it.
- So sorry.
- Damn you, Mother.
I haven't been
this angry with you
since you enlisted me
in the Marines.
Your draft number was too high.
The suspense was killing me.
♪ ♪
(humming)
(gasps)
Who's the new guy?
A saxophone. (gasps)
I wouldn't kick him
out of the library
for ignoring my shush.
Could he be any cooler?
Oh, I'm gushing in the key of
(squeals): E...!
Okay, don't gaze at his eyes.
Don't stare at his smile.
Don't talk out loud.
- You know, I can hear you.
- (screams)
Settle, children, settle.
First, we have
a new band member.
Blake, raise your hand.
Second, we're having
a chair challenge tomorrow.
Lisa Simpson will be playing
to retain her seat.
Your challenger is Blake.
Full disclosure,
I'm pretty good.
Well, I'm happy, 'cause
whether I beat you or not,
- I'll get to sit next to you.
- (nervous laugh)
Stop with the blue eyes,
will you?
Less meet-cute, more toot-toot.
(band playing discordantly)
Great. Now, keep playing.
I have a very important meeting
in the instrument closet.
CBD gummies, take me away.
Mmm, mmm, mmm.
(entry bells jingle)
(imitating Marlon Brando): "You come to
me on the hay of my daughter's bedding
and make me an ostrich
I can't refuse."
Uh, who are you?
(normal voice): I'm Phil,
filling in for Comic Book Guy.
(imitating Comic Book Guy):
Also known as
the Snark Knight
and Mean Lantern.
Stop being weird.
(normal voice): I'm not being
weird. I'm a voice-over artist.
I do voices for
your favorite cartoons.
(imitating Itchy):
Like Itchy the mouse.
(high-pitched laugh)
I never dreamed
real people did those voices.
I'm a little embarrassed
to say this,
but I do voices, too.
- (normal voice): Oh? Like who?
- Like this kid Nelson.
You don't know him,
but he's all...
(imitating Nelson): "Haw-haw,"
and, "Smell you later."
- (grunts)
- Haw-haw!
Smell you later.
Hey, you're pretty good.
And I do an awesome
Todd Flanders,
but it's not worth
meeting Todd Flanders.
- Do some more.
- Well, how about...
(imitating Christopher Lloyd):
that guy from Back to the Future.
Kid, we've got to help
your parents have sex.
- Do another.
- (imitating Michael Caine): All right,
I'll do Michael bloody Caine,
if you don't mind.
If you want to live
in my cider house,
there are some rules!
Wow, if I knew who that was,
I would be even more impressed.
(saxophone playing jazz music)
Do you ever worry
that Lisa tries too hard
and Bart doesn't try enough?
Marge, you know our deal.
We don't mention the kids
after 7:00.
Where is Bart, anyway?
He should have been home by now.
Can you call him?
I've got to get started
on second dinner.
Boy, where are you?
I'm hanging with a stranger.
He's got so many
different personalities.
Oh, will you be home
before dark, yes or no?
What am I, a Magic 8-Ball?
Sounds great.
Looks like all of us
are living the dream.
(Debussy's "Clair de Lune"
playing)
♪ ♪
CAPTAIN (over P.A.): Folks,
we'll be landing in San Diego soon.
On the right side you can see
the Pacific Ocean,
and on the left, oh, I think
there's Superman flying
- right behind us.
- Oh.
Oh, don't patronize us, please.
Hmm. Mm-hmm.
- Working on questions to ask at the panels?
- Yes.
Well, I've been going since '75.
Seen it all.
Adam West in shorts, a line
to meet Brendan Fraser.
But you know the most
amazing thing I ever saw?
- What?
- Once, a guy asked a question so good,
he got a job with
Marvel on the spot.
Ooh, me write for Marvel?
Be a part of the
committee that would decide
the fate of the Avengers?
Then people like me
could make fun of me.
But those ain't gonna cut it,
fanboy.
Then I will write the
best question ever.
Was he real or...
Of course I'm real,
and a real person
should never be booked
between you and this guy.
I am Groot.
Kosher meal for Steve Fishbein.
I am Steve Fishbein.
Comicalooza,
even more glorious than I dreamed.
(clank)
I should not have
done that. Very stupid.
Every man a Batman,
every woman a Harley Quinn.
The chance to rub elbows
with the who's who of Dr. Who.
And to ride an escalator
next to Ant-Man Paul Rudd!
You are Ant-Man Paul Rudd.
Oh, God,
I hate my approachable everyman looks.
Yes, a question, please,
from someone who is
still willing to become a fan.
If you had access
to an Avengers-style
quantum time loop,
would you go back in time
and not be in Dinner
for Schmucks?
Activate VIP pass.
(dance music playing)
(gasps): For two seconds
I saw inside the VIP room.
I saw Jon Favreau
sniffing hummus
to see if it was still good.
(inhales sharply) Time
for a celebratory pretzel.
Rib-it, rib-it.
Who are you?
Boba Fett on a job interview.
Well, begone. I'm writing
the perfect panel question.
Get out of here.
(marker squeaking)
Oh, my God. Oh,
my God, I have it.
"Are superheroes
America's new religion?
And if so,
shouldn't comic book profits be tax-free?"
(triumphant fanfare)
I will work for Marvel,
and they will finally
be successful.
Hey, good question.
Thank you, Professor X.
I'm not Professor X.
I am just a bald
man in a wheelchair
searching for his child.
- Hey, Lisa. - Oh, hey, Blake.
This is where I eat
when I want to be alone.
Uh, I don't want to be alone,
though.
Um, want to share wasabi
peas? They're really dry.
Are you a veggie?
- Yes, I am. - Me, too.
This is a BLT: bread,
lettuce and tomato.
Hey,
quit talking to my girlfriend.
I am not your girlfriend.
Right, right. We're focused on
career days and
homework right now.
- But love has a way of...
- Get away from me.
Oh, my God, Lisa,
we've become my parents.
Well, I just wanted to wish
you good luck and, uh...
(blows sharply)
(smooth jazz playing)
(buzzing like insects)
- (loud zap) - (notes cry out)
Ah, my favorite sound: silence.
(chuckling): See ya.
Okay,
a little bigger than I thought.
Oh, boy, it's like Burning Man for nerds,
although
to be fair,
Burning Man is also Burning Man for nerds.
Man, there's a lot of nerds.
Hello, Hall H.
Let's let out a roar
they can hear in Asgard.
Question,
isn't sound to Asgard blocked
by the vacuum of space?
Actually,
sound is transmitted by Yggdrasil,
the tree that connects the
nine worlds of the cosmos.
But transmission
doesn't come into it.
This has never not been true.
- (overlapping arguing) -
Have you ever read Thor?
Wha-What? Whoa.
We have some of the greatest
creators in the industry here.
Daniel Kim, Zoe Burwell,
and David Z. Cohen!
(cheering)
Oh, my God, oh, my God,
oh, my God, oh, my God!
I've been blocked on
Twitter by all of them.
And now it's time for...
audience questions.
(microphone feedback)
Yes. Third position.
Time to prepare. And
just two steps to the mic.
It's perfect.
Um, I-I'd like to ask,
how would someone like me
get someone like you
to-to look at my work?
I'll look at your work.
Uh, actually, uh, I-I don't...
I don't have any work, per se.
Next.
Closer to me. Closer to me.
(panting, grunting)
Isn't it true that
Superman represented
the subconscious desire
of creators Jerry Siegel
and Joe Shuster to defeat
the Nazi menace in 1938?
Wow. Wow.
I have never heard
a question that good.
(cheering, applause)
Oh, yes, yes, good question.
And I believe the
answer is "a-doy."
And now for the query
that will blow them away.
Uh, uh, where's my question?
Ha, did I use it as a napkin?
No, I never use a napkin. Ugh,
where is it?
- Next! - Um, uh...
Yes, my question is, um, uh...
Okay, I forgot my question.
Worst question ever.
- No! - (laughter)
Welcome to Marvel.
(crying): No.
We could offer you a job at DC.
Yes, hard pass.
Ugh. Just when I thought this
day could not get any worse.
(laughs)
Okay, the day you've been
waiting for: chair challenges.
We begin with Ralph
challenging for first triangle.
(grunts) I'm halfway through.
Once again,
first triangle will be an empty chair.
The better chair won.
Now, for first saxophone,
Lisa Simpson.
Hey, vegetarian,
I soaked your reed
- in hot dog water. - (gasps)
Ew, ew, ew.
(saxophone playing)
Terrible. Blake?
- (saxophone plays) - Terrible,
but better.
- You're first chair. - (gasps)
You were playing
me the whole time.
(school bell rings)
Don't you walk away from me.
Well, very soon,
I will outplay you,
my blues will be blue-ier,
my "Baker Street"
will be more baked,
and I will get my chair back.
It may not be today,
or tomorrow,
because tomorrow
we have a field trip,
or two days after
that because that's...
that's no school,
but-but on the 11th.
Yeah, the 11th,
it's mine, buddy.
That's the science fair.
Aah! Thanks for reminding me!
(shouts)
Okay, audition for King of Cookie Castle,
take one.
Okay, you got this,
Phil. Book it, book it good.
- We ready?
- Off with their heads.
Off with their feet.
Grind the rest
into a sugary treat.
Beautiful, you got the part.
Beautiful,
you got the fart. (fart noise)
(laughs) Hey, the kid's not bad.
We might have a part for him,
too.
And if he improvises like that,
I can fire the writers.
Read this, kid.
(English accent): Eat my tights.
- You're hired. - Wow.
Who knew it was so easy
to become a working actor?
MARGE: Hmm.
Okay,
everyone say one thing they did today.
I'll start.
I lost my half-cup
measuring cup,
so I used two quarter cups.
Crisis averted.
I booked a voice-over job,
and the show airs tomorrow.
I thought animation
took nine months.
No,
you can do any cartoon in a day.
Anyone who takes longer is
just trying to bleed the studio dry.
And this is what
they're paying me.
(scoffs) That's baloney.
Anybody could
fake a check from...
"Warner Bros. Animation."
No, it's legit.
I made more in a minute
than you do in a month, fatso.
- Why, you little...
- Uhp-uhp-uhp.
Keep your hands
off the moneymaker.
And don't look me in the voice.
(grunts) Lisa, how was your day?
Well, my life is in ruin,
and I'm trying to think of some
possible plan to rescue myself.
Plans are fine,
but never underestimate
the power of giving up.
Because if you think about it,
see, uh, s-spontan...
Eh, forget it.
ANNOUNCER: Coming up,
Cookie Castle,
introducing Bart Simpson.
Oh,
I still think we all could have fit.
Now get a good look.
This is your last chance
to see normal Bart
before I become a star.
Then I'll be the guy who sells
you out with a tell-all book.
Boo-yeah.
(cheering, applause)
Yeah, go, Bart.
(gasps) You got
the "and" credit.
I negotiated that,
in lieu of having a teacher on set. Bam.
(lions growl)
I kneel before you, Jules.
BART'S VOICE: Rise, sir knight,
and kiss the gentle
hand of your sovereign.
You play a girl?
- (laughter) - Come on.
(gasps) They
didn't tell me that.
My place is in the scullery.
(groans) I thought "scullery"
was where they kept the skulls.
(singsongy): Bart plays a girl,
Bart plays a girl.
And his accent's inconsistent.
(groans)
♪ ♪
(knocking on door)
- Bart? - (Bart groans)
Go away.
No, I'm-I'm not gonna tease you.
I'm proud that my brother isn't
bound by gender stereotypes
or heteronormative thinking.
Ugh. I hate the way
your generation talks.
I have something to tell you.
Oh, don't tell me I'm
nominated for an Annie Award.
- Those things are worthless.
- Much more important.
For my problem,
there's no answer.
But what you're doing is brave,
and it's a little dangerous,
and you should be proud.
Really?
That's right, my friend.
You should walk into school
with your head held high.
All right, I will.
Hey, everyone,
I'm Princess Jules
and I'm proud.
JIMBO: One question:
do you identify
as "him" or "her?"
- Him. - Get him!
(grunting)
(humming)
(gasps) Uh,
y-you're not gonna yell at me?
No. I have lost
my will to berate.
Aw, I'm sorry.
Ralph Wiggum feels sorry for me.
And farther still do I fall.
This will be here for me later.
Leave me alone. Get out of here,
you stupid kid.
You're like a Gollum
with worse hair,
a subcommittee meeting
of the Galactic Senate,
a Spider-Man drawn
by John Romita Jr. Jr.
Uh... you fixed me.
- You fixed me. - Yay!
Let's see, where could I move?
Toluca Lake. Lot of
voice-over work there.
It would be nice to fly
in and out of Burbank.
(phone ringing)
Bart, turn on your show.
You mean the show
that ruined my life?
Just turn it on. You're
not a princess anymore.
You're a queen.
WARRIOR: Majesty,
the royal unicorn is waiting
for your dainty bottom.
Aw, geez.
(unicorn snorts)
(neighs)
(grunts, screams)
(gasps)
(phone chiming)
Whoa. Who knew a
princess could be badass?
I'm gonna get a Queen
Bart action figure.
Whoa. The unicorn's
killed every adult in sight.
(unicorn neighing)
From now on, hands off Bart.
What about me?
I like the bullying.
It's a form of attention.
Also, hands off Milhouse.
No.
- (car alarm
ringing) - LISA: Well,
I can't play to my abilities
or in a stupid first chair,
but I can still just
play for the fun of it.
Beat it. This is our turf.
♪ ♪
(applause)
Free pretzel?
The greatest
award I've ever won.
Still up there.
Although Dad ate
the original pretzel.
Stick it on the tray.
- No. - D'oh.
I'm addicted to
playing for free.
Which is the least dangerous
addiction a musician can have.
♪ ♪
I want to like it. I just don't.
If you could go back in time
and not make one Hulk movie,
which would it be and why?
The most popular superheroes
are Superman,
Batman, Spider-Man,
so I propose creating
SuperSpiderBat.
Why do people who see
Superman first think "It's a bird"?
And why do they feel
the need to say it out loud?
"Look, it's a bird." I mean,
who says that?
BLAKE: ♪ Any note you can reach,
I can go higher ♪
LISA: ♪ I can sing
anything higher than you ♪
- BLAKE: ♪ No, you can't, no,
you can't ♪ -♪ Yes, I can ♪
- LISA: ♪ Yes, I can, yes,
I can ♪ -♪ No, you can't ♪
- BLAKE: ♪ No, you can't, no,
you can't ♪ -♪ Yes, I can ♪
- LISA: ♪ Yes, I can, yes,
I can ♪ -♪ No, you can't ♪
- BLAKE: ♪ No, you can't, no,
you can't ♪ -♪ Yes, I can ♪
- LISA: ♪ Yes, I can, yes,
I can ♪ -♪ No, you can't ♪
- BLAKE: ♪ No, you can't, no,
you can't ♪ -♪ Yes, I can ♪
- LISA: ♪ Yes, I can, yes,
I can ♪ -♪ No, you can't ♪
- BLAKE: ♪ No,
you can't ♪ - LISA: ♪ Yes, I can ♪
BLAKE: ♪ No, you can't, no,
you can't, no, you can't! ♪
LISA: All right,
I can't. Big whoop.
Shh!