The Simpsons (1989–…): Season 3, Episode 7 - Treehouse of Horror II - full transcript
The Simpson family receives a severed monkey's paw which can grant wishes, Bart gains magical powers which he uses to turn Homer into a Jack-in-the-box, and Mr. Burns uses Homer's brain to create a robot.
Hello, everyone.
Before last year's
Halloween show...
I warned you not to let
your children watch...
but you did anyway.
Well, this year's episode
is even worse.
It's scarier, more violent...
and I think they snuck in
some bad language too.
So please, tuck in
your children and--
Well, if you didn't listen
to me last time...
you're not going to now.
Enjoy the show.
...to conclude this Halloween
newscast on a scary note:
remember,
the presidential primaries...
are only a few months away.
Hey, if you don't like it,
go to Russia.
Trick or treat, man.
Aren't you a little old
for this?
You're not even
wearing costumes.
Hand over the candy, old dude,
or we egg your house.
Here you go, kids.
Heh-heh... heh.
Lousy punks.
- D'oh!
We're home.
Aah... whoo!
Get a good haul this year?
Jackpot!
I'm very, very proud
of you kids.
We would have gotten more
if Lisa walked faster.
I didn't select this
costume for mobility.
I wore it to salute
the noble Native Americans
of the Pacific Northwest.
Yaahh!
Ha-ha-ha!
Children, you can have
one piece of candy tonight...
and save the rest for--
If you eat too much,
you'll have nightmares.
Oh, yeah,
everybody in this family...
will have
a bad nightmare tonight.
Oh, yeah,
three bad nightmares.
I'd like to see that.
Heh-heh-heh.
Ooh.
What a dump! Why would
Princess Grace live here?
- Dad, that's Monaco.
- D'oh!
I can do that,
but I don't want to.
Ugh! What is this thing?
It is a monkey's paw, dating
back to Al-Al Ben Abdallah.
It grants wishes
to its owner.
Oh, yeah? How much?
I strongly advise you,
do not purchase this.
Behind every wish
lurks grave misfortune.
I was once president of Algeria.
I don't want to hear
your life story. Paw me.
Eww, Homer. Where did you
get that ugly thing?
Why, at that little shop
right over... there.
Oh, it was over there.
You'll be sorry.
Flight 7, Marrakesh
to Springfield, now boarding.
Just a moment.
Don't shoot!
Don't shoot!
They're souvenirs.
You must pay a fine
of two American dollars.
Okay.
Let's wish for X-ray specs
that really work.
No, Bart-- peace on Earth.
- X-ray specs.
- Peace on Earth.
- Peace on Earth.
- X-ray specs.
- X-ray specs.
- Peace on Earth.
As the pants-wearer
of this house...
I get the first wish.
Homer, there's something
I don't like...
about that severed hand.
Marge, don't flake out on me.
That monkey's paw is going
to make our dreams come true.
- Oh, no! Maggie made a wish.
Oh, my land!
Ooh.! A luxury car.
- Good baby. Good Maggie.
Ohh, a new pacifier.
D'oh!
No more fooling around.
Paw, this is Bart.
I wish for Simpsons
to be rich and famous.
Now you're talking.
- Yay!
- Yay!
Wahoo!
Look, everybody.
My purse exploded!
Come on, everybody.
We're going to the fanciest
restaurant in town.
I'm terrible sorry.
I have absolutely nothing
untilJune.
Ah, the Simpsons!
Right this way, please.
Homer, maybe fame and fortune
aren't as bad as they say.
If I hear one more thing
about the Simpsons...
I swear I'll scream.
At first they were cute,
but now they're annoying.
1 8 bucks for this?
What a rip-off.
Man, this thing's
really getting out of hand.
Is there anything they won't do?
Oh, Homer, this is awful.
The guy that
sold me this thing...
did say the wishes
would bring grave misfortune.
I thought he was being colorful.
I wish for world peace.
Lisa, that was
very selfish of you!
Sorry about the Falklands.
Oh, forget it.
We knew they were yours.
Well, won't be needing
these anymore.
# Come on, people now,
smile on your brother #
# Everybody get together #
# Try to love one another
right now ##
Foolish humans.
Oh, yes, Kodos.
Earth is now ripe
for the plucking.
People of Earth, we come to you in
the spirit of hostility and menace.
Now, we can resolve our
differences peacefully.
Uh... ow!
Your superior intellect is
no match for our puny weapons.
Gordon, do something.
What do you want me to do?
I'm a baker now.
Conquered with a club.
Wish we'd saved an A-bomb.
Move along humans.
This is all the Simpsons' fault.
Before I was just
bored with them...
now I wish they were dead.
Geez, now we're slaves.
This paw sucks.
Okay, I'll make a wish
that can't backfire.
I wish for a turkey sandwich,
on rye bread...
with lettuce and mustard...
and... and I don't want
any zombie turkeys.
I don't want to turn
into a turkey myself...
and I don't want any other
weird surprises, you got it?
Hey!
Hmm... mmm!
Mmm... not bad.
Nice hot mustard,
good bread...
turkey's a little dry--
The turkey's a little dry?!
Oh, foul the cursed thing!
What demon from the depths
of hell created thee?
Hey, is that one of
those monkey paw dealies...
that lets you wish for things?
Yeah, but I got to warn
you that this thing is--
Yeah, that's what it is.
You want to try it?
Okely-dokely.
Ooh, would you look at that.
Aahh!
Kneel before my slingshot,
puny earthling!
Well, I guess my first wish...
is to get rid
of those awful aliens.
Aahh! He's got a board
with a nail in it!
Enslave humanity, will ya?!
Run, Kodos!
Ha-ha-ha!
Well, Kang, it seems
the earthlings won.
Did they?
That board with the nail in it
may have defeated us...
but the humans won't stop there.
They'll make bigger boards
and bigger nails.
Soon they will make
a board with a nail so big...
it will destroy them all!
Hey, Homer...
this thingumajig works great.
Now that I've saved the Earth...
maybe I ought to spruce up
the old homestead.
I wish I had a monkey's paw.
Bart?
Bart?
Huh? What's the matter?
I had a bad dream.
Could I sleep in your bed?
No.
I'll give you a candy necklace.
Climb aboard.
- Thanks, Bart.
- Less talk, more sleep.
[ Rod Serling Impressionist ]
Presented for your consideration::
Springfield--
an average little town...
with a not-so-average monster.
Happy thoughts.
Happy, happy, happy.
The people of Springfield
have to make sure...
they think happy thoughts
and say happy things...
because this particular monster
can read minds.
And if displeased, can turn people
into grotesque walking terrors.
Happy thoughts.
Happy thoughts.
Boy, I'm getting
mighty sick of this.
Huh?
Ruff, ruff, ruff.
Bow-wow.
And did I mention
that the monster...
is a ten-year-old boy?
Quite a twist, huh?
Betcha didn't see that one coming.
Good morning.
- Morning.
- Good morning, dear.
Hiya, Bart. How's my boy?
[ Nervous Laughing ]
Every day, same old cat.
I'll make him more interesting.
Much better. Oh, good,
the curtains are on fire.
It's good that you made
that awful thing, Bart.
It's real good.
- Hadn't you better
get ready for school?
- Okay.
He gets it from your side
of the family, you know.
No monsters on my side.
- Hi, guys.
- Aahh!
Hi, Otto. Move over.
I'm driving.
No can do, little buddy.
See, there's a rule--
Oh, wait. You're the little dude
with the gnarly powers.
Quit riding the brake.
Give it some gas, man.
Hey, this is fun, isn't it?
We're going to die, aren't we?
- Hiya, Bart!
- Hiya, Bart!
[ Teacher ]
Well, class...
the history of our country
has been changed again...
to correspond
with Bart's test answers.
America was now discovered
in 1 942 by...
''some guy.''
And our country isn't called
America anymore. It's Bonerland.
Your attention, please.
This is Principal Skinner.
Bart, this one's for you.
Phone.
Happy thoughts. Happy thoughts.
Moe's Tavern.
Hold on. I'll check.
Uh, hey, everybody.
I'm a stupid moron with
an ugly face and a big butt...
and my butt smells
and I like to kiss my own butt.
- That's a new one!
- Wait a minute.
One more time.
Double-time now.
I love school.
Come on, come on.
Make it, make it.
Please, please, please.
- I want to watch Krusty.
- Shut up, boy.
If they make this field goal,
I win 50 bucks.
The kick is up.
It's looking good.
The ball is turning into
a fat, bald guy.
Aahh! Oof!.
It's no good,
and you know what we say...
Every time
something strange happens--
it's good that Bart did that.
It's very good.
346 consecutive hours...
and all because
of one little boy who--
who won't let me stop!
Anyway, now let's go over
and see if Sideshow Mel...
has any more of those legal...
over-the-counter
wake-up drugs of his.
Slowly, slowly.
Don't make a sound.
Don't even think.
He can hear your thoughts.
Then, when he's least
expecting it, bash his head in.
End of monster.
Aaaaaaaaaahhh!
Bart!
- Lisa did it.
- That's it, young man.
You're coming with me.
Please?
You like attention,
don't you, Bart?
- Do I ever.
- But you don't care...
whether you get
good attention for, say...
getting high marks in school,
or bad attention for, say...
turning your father
intojack-in-the-box.
Homer, I see you agree
with my theory.
I'm not nodding.
It's the air conditioning.
That's too bad.
The attention the boy craves
should be coming from you.
Spend some quality time
with him.
Get to know him.
Maybe even love him.
- [ Cheering ]
D'oh! Whoa-oh-oh.
Eeyii!
- Good night, son.
- Good night, Dad.
You know, these last few days
have been really swell.
I wish I could repay you.
Well, if you wanted to,
you could give me my body back.
You got it.
Oh! Hey, hey.
Oh, oh. Thanks, boy.
- I love you, Dad.
- I love you, son.
Aaaaaaaaahhh!
Mom! Dad!
My goodness!
What's wrong?
- We both had nightmares.
- Can we sleep with you?
You both toilet trained?
- Yes!
- Okay, then.
4:00?
Couple hours I have
to get up and go to work.
Got to go to work.
Go to work--
[ Burns ]
Ooh, look at them, Smithers--
goldbrickers,
layabouts, slugabeds.
Little do they realize...
their days of suckling
at my teat are numbered.
Oh, in the meantime, sir,
may I suggest a random firing...
-just to throw
the fear of God into them?
- Very well.
Eeny, meeny, miny--
Blugh! Him!
Attention, Homer Simpson.
Attention, Homer Simpson.
Wake up, Homer.
- What? Huh? What?
- You're fired.
- For what?
- For sleeping on the job.
How did you know
I was sleeping?
We've been watching you
on the surveillance camera.
Camera?
D'oh!
Smithers...
to the laboratory.
You know, Smithers...
I've always despised the laziness
of the common worker.
Then I realized his spirit was
willing, but the flesh was weak.
I replaced the flesh,
which is weak, with steel...
which is strong. Behold!
The greatest breakthrough
in labor relations...
since the cat-o'-nine-tails!
- How long till it's running?
- Keep your pants on, Smithers.
First we need a human brain.
Hey, here's a goodjob, Dad.
You have to know how to operate
an ultrasonic lithontriptor.
- How hard can it be?
- Hey, Dad, here's one.
$28 an hour,
plenty of fresh air...
and you get to meet
lots of interesting people.
Ooh, what job is that?
Grave digger.
Deeper, wider, faster.
I wouldn't bury my turtle
in that mud puddle.
What's the use?
Sheesh! What a slave driver.
What corpse
should we unearth, sir?
I don't know.
I feel like a kid
in a candy store.
Hello!
An open grave.
Smithers,
get him out quickly.
The stench is overpowering.
Wait a minute, sir.
That's Homer Simpson.
He wasn't exactly
a model employee.
Well, who is a model...
employee?
Simpson will do just fine, sir.
Did you hear that, sir?
No, I didn't. Who is it,
Frankenstein? The Boogerman?
The man in the bag.
I think he's alive.
Oh.
- Bad corpse.
Stop scaring Smithers.
Satisfied?
Thank you, sir.
Excellent.
Smithers, hand me
that ice cream scoop.
- Ice cream scoop?
- Damn it, Smithers!
This isn't rocket science,
it's brain surgery!
All right.
Hello.
Look at me--
I'm Davy Crockett!
Look, Smithers, a twitch.
It's moving! It's alive!
Oh, that fellow at Radio Shack
said I was mad.
Well, who's mad now?
Hi, there.
I'm your daddy.
[ Homer's Voice ]
Mmm!
Mmm! Sprin-kles.
Geraldo Rivera...
Madonna, and a diseased yak.
[ Lisa ]
Mom, what's wrong?
It's your father-- he's missing.
Dad's missing?
Get out of here.
He's been gone for two days.
What do you know?
She's right.
It wasn't supposed
to be this way.
It was supposed to be
a thing of beauty...
not this abomination.
Oh, Smithers,
I was wrong to play God.
Life is precious,
not a thing to be toyed with.
Take out that brain
and flush it down the toilet.
His family might appreciate it...
if you returned the brain
to his body.
Come on. It's 1 1 :45!
Oh, Smithers, when you look at
me with those puppy-dog eyes--
All right.
Ow. Ow.
- Ow. Ow.
- Quit your complaining.
Do you know what
this means? He is alive.
Ooh, you're right, Smithers.
I guess I owe you a Coke.
And as for you, you clinking,
clattering cacophony...
of collagenous cogs
and camshafts, take... that.!
Aahh!
- Run, sir.
Every bone... shattered...
organs... leaking vital fluids...
a slight headache,
loss of appetite.
Smithers, I'm going to die.
- Is there nothing I can do?
- Well, perhaps.
Smithers, go to my office.
In the third drawer
of my desk are...
surgical tools
and some ether.
Aaaaaaaaaaaahhh!
Did you have a nightmare?
- No. Bart bit me.
- You were crushing me.
I tried to scream, but
my mouth was full of flab.
Got to shake the dew
off the lily.
- Aahh!
- Perhaps you're wondering
why you have two heads.
My body was crushed, so
I had head grafted onto your...
shall we say, ample frame.
I can wake up.
It's all a dream. It's just a dream.
Oh, that's right.
It's all a dream...
or is it?
Next week on The Simpsons:
Don't forget, Dad.
Tonight my class is having...
an all-you-can-eat
spaghetti dinner.
Mmm. Spaghetti.
But, Homer,
tonight's our reception...
for Queen Beatrix
of the Netherlands.
Oh, I hate having two heads.
Before last year's
Halloween show...
I warned you not to let
your children watch...
but you did anyway.
Well, this year's episode
is even worse.
It's scarier, more violent...
and I think they snuck in
some bad language too.
So please, tuck in
your children and--
Well, if you didn't listen
to me last time...
you're not going to now.
Enjoy the show.
...to conclude this Halloween
newscast on a scary note:
remember,
the presidential primaries...
are only a few months away.
Hey, if you don't like it,
go to Russia.
Trick or treat, man.
Aren't you a little old
for this?
You're not even
wearing costumes.
Hand over the candy, old dude,
or we egg your house.
Here you go, kids.
Heh-heh... heh.
Lousy punks.
- D'oh!
We're home.
Aah... whoo!
Get a good haul this year?
Jackpot!
I'm very, very proud
of you kids.
We would have gotten more
if Lisa walked faster.
I didn't select this
costume for mobility.
I wore it to salute
the noble Native Americans
of the Pacific Northwest.
Yaahh!
Ha-ha-ha!
Children, you can have
one piece of candy tonight...
and save the rest for--
If you eat too much,
you'll have nightmares.
Oh, yeah,
everybody in this family...
will have
a bad nightmare tonight.
Oh, yeah,
three bad nightmares.
I'd like to see that.
Heh-heh-heh.
Ooh.
What a dump! Why would
Princess Grace live here?
- Dad, that's Monaco.
- D'oh!
I can do that,
but I don't want to.
Ugh! What is this thing?
It is a monkey's paw, dating
back to Al-Al Ben Abdallah.
It grants wishes
to its owner.
Oh, yeah? How much?
I strongly advise you,
do not purchase this.
Behind every wish
lurks grave misfortune.
I was once president of Algeria.
I don't want to hear
your life story. Paw me.
Eww, Homer. Where did you
get that ugly thing?
Why, at that little shop
right over... there.
Oh, it was over there.
You'll be sorry.
Flight 7, Marrakesh
to Springfield, now boarding.
Just a moment.
Don't shoot!
Don't shoot!
They're souvenirs.
You must pay a fine
of two American dollars.
Okay.
Let's wish for X-ray specs
that really work.
No, Bart-- peace on Earth.
- X-ray specs.
- Peace on Earth.
- Peace on Earth.
- X-ray specs.
- X-ray specs.
- Peace on Earth.
As the pants-wearer
of this house...
I get the first wish.
Homer, there's something
I don't like...
about that severed hand.
Marge, don't flake out on me.
That monkey's paw is going
to make our dreams come true.
- Oh, no! Maggie made a wish.
Oh, my land!
Ooh.! A luxury car.
- Good baby. Good Maggie.
Ohh, a new pacifier.
D'oh!
No more fooling around.
Paw, this is Bart.
I wish for Simpsons
to be rich and famous.
Now you're talking.
- Yay!
- Yay!
Wahoo!
Look, everybody.
My purse exploded!
Come on, everybody.
We're going to the fanciest
restaurant in town.
I'm terrible sorry.
I have absolutely nothing
untilJune.
Ah, the Simpsons!
Right this way, please.
Homer, maybe fame and fortune
aren't as bad as they say.
If I hear one more thing
about the Simpsons...
I swear I'll scream.
At first they were cute,
but now they're annoying.
1 8 bucks for this?
What a rip-off.
Man, this thing's
really getting out of hand.
Is there anything they won't do?
Oh, Homer, this is awful.
The guy that
sold me this thing...
did say the wishes
would bring grave misfortune.
I thought he was being colorful.
I wish for world peace.
Lisa, that was
very selfish of you!
Sorry about the Falklands.
Oh, forget it.
We knew they were yours.
Well, won't be needing
these anymore.
# Come on, people now,
smile on your brother #
# Everybody get together #
# Try to love one another
right now ##
Foolish humans.
Oh, yes, Kodos.
Earth is now ripe
for the plucking.
People of Earth, we come to you in
the spirit of hostility and menace.
Now, we can resolve our
differences peacefully.
Uh... ow!
Your superior intellect is
no match for our puny weapons.
Gordon, do something.
What do you want me to do?
I'm a baker now.
Conquered with a club.
Wish we'd saved an A-bomb.
Move along humans.
This is all the Simpsons' fault.
Before I was just
bored with them...
now I wish they were dead.
Geez, now we're slaves.
This paw sucks.
Okay, I'll make a wish
that can't backfire.
I wish for a turkey sandwich,
on rye bread...
with lettuce and mustard...
and... and I don't want
any zombie turkeys.
I don't want to turn
into a turkey myself...
and I don't want any other
weird surprises, you got it?
Hey!
Hmm... mmm!
Mmm... not bad.
Nice hot mustard,
good bread...
turkey's a little dry--
The turkey's a little dry?!
Oh, foul the cursed thing!
What demon from the depths
of hell created thee?
Hey, is that one of
those monkey paw dealies...
that lets you wish for things?
Yeah, but I got to warn
you that this thing is--
Yeah, that's what it is.
You want to try it?
Okely-dokely.
Ooh, would you look at that.
Aahh!
Kneel before my slingshot,
puny earthling!
Well, I guess my first wish...
is to get rid
of those awful aliens.
Aahh! He's got a board
with a nail in it!
Enslave humanity, will ya?!
Run, Kodos!
Ha-ha-ha!
Well, Kang, it seems
the earthlings won.
Did they?
That board with the nail in it
may have defeated us...
but the humans won't stop there.
They'll make bigger boards
and bigger nails.
Soon they will make
a board with a nail so big...
it will destroy them all!
Hey, Homer...
this thingumajig works great.
Now that I've saved the Earth...
maybe I ought to spruce up
the old homestead.
I wish I had a monkey's paw.
Bart?
Bart?
Huh? What's the matter?
I had a bad dream.
Could I sleep in your bed?
No.
I'll give you a candy necklace.
Climb aboard.
- Thanks, Bart.
- Less talk, more sleep.
[ Rod Serling Impressionist ]
Presented for your consideration::
Springfield--
an average little town...
with a not-so-average monster.
Happy thoughts.
Happy, happy, happy.
The people of Springfield
have to make sure...
they think happy thoughts
and say happy things...
because this particular monster
can read minds.
And if displeased, can turn people
into grotesque walking terrors.
Happy thoughts.
Happy thoughts.
Boy, I'm getting
mighty sick of this.
Huh?
Ruff, ruff, ruff.
Bow-wow.
And did I mention
that the monster...
is a ten-year-old boy?
Quite a twist, huh?
Betcha didn't see that one coming.
Good morning.
- Morning.
- Good morning, dear.
Hiya, Bart. How's my boy?
[ Nervous Laughing ]
Every day, same old cat.
I'll make him more interesting.
Much better. Oh, good,
the curtains are on fire.
It's good that you made
that awful thing, Bart.
It's real good.
- Hadn't you better
get ready for school?
- Okay.
He gets it from your side
of the family, you know.
No monsters on my side.
- Hi, guys.
- Aahh!
Hi, Otto. Move over.
I'm driving.
No can do, little buddy.
See, there's a rule--
Oh, wait. You're the little dude
with the gnarly powers.
Quit riding the brake.
Give it some gas, man.
Hey, this is fun, isn't it?
We're going to die, aren't we?
- Hiya, Bart!
- Hiya, Bart!
[ Teacher ]
Well, class...
the history of our country
has been changed again...
to correspond
with Bart's test answers.
America was now discovered
in 1 942 by...
''some guy.''
And our country isn't called
America anymore. It's Bonerland.
Your attention, please.
This is Principal Skinner.
Bart, this one's for you.
Phone.
Happy thoughts. Happy thoughts.
Moe's Tavern.
Hold on. I'll check.
Uh, hey, everybody.
I'm a stupid moron with
an ugly face and a big butt...
and my butt smells
and I like to kiss my own butt.
- That's a new one!
- Wait a minute.
One more time.
Double-time now.
I love school.
Come on, come on.
Make it, make it.
Please, please, please.
- I want to watch Krusty.
- Shut up, boy.
If they make this field goal,
I win 50 bucks.
The kick is up.
It's looking good.
The ball is turning into
a fat, bald guy.
Aahh! Oof!.
It's no good,
and you know what we say...
Every time
something strange happens--
it's good that Bart did that.
It's very good.
346 consecutive hours...
and all because
of one little boy who--
who won't let me stop!
Anyway, now let's go over
and see if Sideshow Mel...
has any more of those legal...
over-the-counter
wake-up drugs of his.
Slowly, slowly.
Don't make a sound.
Don't even think.
He can hear your thoughts.
Then, when he's least
expecting it, bash his head in.
End of monster.
Aaaaaaaaaahhh!
Bart!
- Lisa did it.
- That's it, young man.
You're coming with me.
Please?
You like attention,
don't you, Bart?
- Do I ever.
- But you don't care...
whether you get
good attention for, say...
getting high marks in school,
or bad attention for, say...
turning your father
intojack-in-the-box.
Homer, I see you agree
with my theory.
I'm not nodding.
It's the air conditioning.
That's too bad.
The attention the boy craves
should be coming from you.
Spend some quality time
with him.
Get to know him.
Maybe even love him.
- [ Cheering ]
D'oh! Whoa-oh-oh.
Eeyii!
- Good night, son.
- Good night, Dad.
You know, these last few days
have been really swell.
I wish I could repay you.
Well, if you wanted to,
you could give me my body back.
You got it.
Oh! Hey, hey.
Oh, oh. Thanks, boy.
- I love you, Dad.
- I love you, son.
Aaaaaaaaahhh!
Mom! Dad!
My goodness!
What's wrong?
- We both had nightmares.
- Can we sleep with you?
You both toilet trained?
- Yes!
- Okay, then.
4:00?
Couple hours I have
to get up and go to work.
Got to go to work.
Go to work--
[ Burns ]
Ooh, look at them, Smithers--
goldbrickers,
layabouts, slugabeds.
Little do they realize...
their days of suckling
at my teat are numbered.
Oh, in the meantime, sir,
may I suggest a random firing...
-just to throw
the fear of God into them?
- Very well.
Eeny, meeny, miny--
Blugh! Him!
Attention, Homer Simpson.
Attention, Homer Simpson.
Wake up, Homer.
- What? Huh? What?
- You're fired.
- For what?
- For sleeping on the job.
How did you know
I was sleeping?
We've been watching you
on the surveillance camera.
Camera?
D'oh!
Smithers...
to the laboratory.
You know, Smithers...
I've always despised the laziness
of the common worker.
Then I realized his spirit was
willing, but the flesh was weak.
I replaced the flesh,
which is weak, with steel...
which is strong. Behold!
The greatest breakthrough
in labor relations...
since the cat-o'-nine-tails!
- How long till it's running?
- Keep your pants on, Smithers.
First we need a human brain.
Hey, here's a goodjob, Dad.
You have to know how to operate
an ultrasonic lithontriptor.
- How hard can it be?
- Hey, Dad, here's one.
$28 an hour,
plenty of fresh air...
and you get to meet
lots of interesting people.
Ooh, what job is that?
Grave digger.
Deeper, wider, faster.
I wouldn't bury my turtle
in that mud puddle.
What's the use?
Sheesh! What a slave driver.
What corpse
should we unearth, sir?
I don't know.
I feel like a kid
in a candy store.
Hello!
An open grave.
Smithers,
get him out quickly.
The stench is overpowering.
Wait a minute, sir.
That's Homer Simpson.
He wasn't exactly
a model employee.
Well, who is a model...
employee?
Simpson will do just fine, sir.
Did you hear that, sir?
No, I didn't. Who is it,
Frankenstein? The Boogerman?
The man in the bag.
I think he's alive.
Oh.
- Bad corpse.
Stop scaring Smithers.
Satisfied?
Thank you, sir.
Excellent.
Smithers, hand me
that ice cream scoop.
- Ice cream scoop?
- Damn it, Smithers!
This isn't rocket science,
it's brain surgery!
All right.
Hello.
Look at me--
I'm Davy Crockett!
Look, Smithers, a twitch.
It's moving! It's alive!
Oh, that fellow at Radio Shack
said I was mad.
Well, who's mad now?
Hi, there.
I'm your daddy.
[ Homer's Voice ]
Mmm!
Mmm! Sprin-kles.
Geraldo Rivera...
Madonna, and a diseased yak.
[ Lisa ]
Mom, what's wrong?
It's your father-- he's missing.
Dad's missing?
Get out of here.
He's been gone for two days.
What do you know?
She's right.
It wasn't supposed
to be this way.
It was supposed to be
a thing of beauty...
not this abomination.
Oh, Smithers,
I was wrong to play God.
Life is precious,
not a thing to be toyed with.
Take out that brain
and flush it down the toilet.
His family might appreciate it...
if you returned the brain
to his body.
Come on. It's 1 1 :45!
Oh, Smithers, when you look at
me with those puppy-dog eyes--
All right.
Ow. Ow.
- Ow. Ow.
- Quit your complaining.
Do you know what
this means? He is alive.
Ooh, you're right, Smithers.
I guess I owe you a Coke.
And as for you, you clinking,
clattering cacophony...
of collagenous cogs
and camshafts, take... that.!
Aahh!
- Run, sir.
Every bone... shattered...
organs... leaking vital fluids...
a slight headache,
loss of appetite.
Smithers, I'm going to die.
- Is there nothing I can do?
- Well, perhaps.
Smithers, go to my office.
In the third drawer
of my desk are...
surgical tools
and some ether.
Aaaaaaaaaaaahhh!
Did you have a nightmare?
- No. Bart bit me.
- You were crushing me.
I tried to scream, but
my mouth was full of flab.
Got to shake the dew
off the lily.
- Aahh!
- Perhaps you're wondering
why you have two heads.
My body was crushed, so
I had head grafted onto your...
shall we say, ample frame.
I can wake up.
It's all a dream. It's just a dream.
Oh, that's right.
It's all a dream...
or is it?
Next week on The Simpsons:
Don't forget, Dad.
Tonight my class is having...
an all-you-can-eat
spaghetti dinner.
Mmm. Spaghetti.
But, Homer,
tonight's our reception...
for Queen Beatrix
of the Netherlands.
Oh, I hate having two heads.