The Simpsons (1989–…): Season 3, Episode 6 - Like Father, Like Clown - full transcript
When the Simpsons have Krusty the Clown over for dinner, he says grace in Hebrew, and recalls his difficult relationship with his father, a rabbi. Bart and Lisa try to reunite the two of them.
##Ahh, the Simpsons ##
D'oh!
I hold in my hand
the final ax.
Ah, heh...
That's all the time
we have for today.
I'd like to thank Sideshow Mel...
Corporal Punishment,
Tina Ballerina...
and from Knots Landing,
Miss Donna Mills.
Oh, she was a sport.
See you some other time!
Hyuk! Hyuk! Hyuk!
Great show, Krusty.
I really laughed when--
You've got
a merchandising meeting.
- Cancel it!
- Therapist?
Cancel it!
The line on the Giants
is 5?/.
Put a dime on it.
''Thank you'' dinner
with Bart Simpson?
I don't know Bart Simpson.
The boy
who saved you from jail.
Well, we made a terrible,
terrible mistake.
Ah...
won't happen again.
There was one boy
who trusted me...
all along.
- Bart?
- Yes, sir?
Thank you.
Oh, yeah.
Cancel it!
Hello?
Mrs. Simpson?
Lois Pennycandy,
Krusty the Clown's assistant.
Hello, Mrs. Pennycandy.
It's Miss Pennycandy,
I can assure you.
I'm sorry to inform you...
that Krusty will not
be joining Bart for dinner.
This is the fifth time
he's cancelled.
How can he hurt someone
who loves him so?
Oh, Mrs. Simpson...
I've wasted my womanhood
asking that same question.
I apologize for him.
Something really important
came up.
Lousy mildew!
That's good enough.
Well, thank you for calling.
Good-bye.
How many Krusty autographs
do you want?
A hundred.
Done.
Sweetie, I'm sorry...
but Krusty isn't coming
to dinner again.
Oh, man.
''Dear Krusty,
this is Bart Simpson...
''Krusty buddy number 1 6302
''respectfully returning
his badge.
''I always suspected
that nothing in life mattered.
''Now I know for sure.
Get bent. Bart Simpson. ''
Ooh, SEX-CHAT!
You've reached the party line.
You'll be connected
to a hot party...
with the world's
most beautiful women.
Now let's join the party.
Hello?
Hello?
Hello?
Are there
any women here?
Hello?!
Are you beautiful?
Do I sound beautiful?!
This is not as hot
as I had anticipated.
Read this!
Uh-- I, um--
Uh-- Uh--
''Dee--'' Uh--
''Deee--''
''Dear...
''Krus-s-s-t--
Why--?''
It says the little boy...
who never lost faith in you
has lost faith in you.
You will go to Bart Simpson's
for dinner!
But I have plans.
Hey! Not the face!
Why you maddening,
impossible man!
If you don't go tonight...
I won't be here tomorrow.
Oh, all right, I'll go.
Oh, Krusty!
But I hate missing schnapps night
at the Friars Club.
Bart, wipe your feet.
Why bother?
They'll just
get dirty again.
I've got good news.
Krusty is coming
to dinner tonight.
He is? For sure?
Yes.
God bless that clown.
Hyuk! Hyuk! Hyuk!
You think it's him?
Cute kid.
Oh, hi, Bart.
I was just in
the neighborhood--
What? Krusty the Clown!
What a surprise!
Milhouse, you can come in,
and drop the charade.
Whoa!
You don't have
to be on tonight.
What are you
talking about?
Of course he does.
No. Krusty is our guest.
Your pratfalls
and punchinello antics...
aren't necessary here.
Really?
Yeah.Just relax
and be yourself.
Oh, that's a relief.
Go wait in the car.
Aw! We could have seen
a monkey.
Who wants to say grace?
Let's let our guest do it.
Bless us, O Lord--
Hey!
Krusty, do the honors.
Well, all right.
I'm a little rusty,
but, um... I'll try.
Baruch ata Adonai...
Eloheinu melech
ha-olam...
ha-motzi lechem
min ha-aretz.
He's talking funny talk.
No, Dad,
that's Hebrew.
Krusty must beJewish.
AJewish entertainer?
Get out of here!
There are many prominent
Jewish entertainers...
including Lauren Bacall,
Dinah Shore, William Shatner...
and Mel Brooks.
Mel Brooks is Jewish?!
Krusty, are you all right?
Yes, it's just that saying
the Brucha brings back...
a lot of
painful memories.
The old days...
my-my father.
Hey, Krusty, you
going to finish...
that meat loaf,
or what?
Poor Krusty.
He's like a velvet painting
come to life.
Krusty, why don't you
tell us what's wrong?
Spill your guts.
Yeah. Come on.
Krusty, tell us.
Well, okay.
First of all...
my real name isn't
Krusty the Clown.
It's Herschel Krustofski.
My father was a rabbi.
His father was a rabbi.
His father's father--
Well, you get the idea.
My father was
the most respected man...
in the Lower East Side
of Springfield.
People would come
from miles around...
to ask his advice.
Reb Krustofski,
should I finish college?
Yes. No one is poor except
he who lacks knowledge.
Rabbi, should I have
another child?
Yes. Another child
would be a blessing.
Rabbi, should I
buy a Chrysler?
Could you rephrase that
as an ethical question?
Um... is it right
to buy a Chrysler?
Yes-- for great is the car
with power steering...
and Dyna-Flo suspension.
Papa?
When I grow up,
can I be a clown?
No! A clown is not respected.
I'll make people laugh.
Herschel, life is serious.
Seltzer is for drinking,
not for spraying.
Pie is for noshing,
not for throwing.
But, Papa--
But nothing!
You'll do as I say...
or you'll get
such a zetz...
that you won't even know
what hit you.
Dad wanted me to follow
in his footsteps...
but the pull of clowning
was too strong.
I got my first laughs
at yeshiva...
impersonating my father.
Blah, blah, blah... Moses!
Boy, you don't have to follow
in my footsteps.
Don't worry.
I don't even like using
the bathroom after you.
Why, you little--
Krusty, please continue.
Okay.
My father tried to extinguish
the comedy bug...
but it was no use.
What are you doing?
Go away.
Open the door!
Oy, gevalt!
Close the door!
Then came my big break.
A Talmudic conference
in the Catskills.
I was the entertainment.
But the lord works
in mysterious ways.
My son, Herschel...
was first
in his yeshiva class.
He was voted...
most likely
to hear God.
Go on, Hyman, you're
exaggerating again.
A rabbi never exaggerates.
A rabbi composes,
he creates thoughts...
he tells stories that
may never have happened...
but he does not exaggerate.
My father would have
never suspected a thing...
were it not for
one rowdy rabbi.
Hey, funny man!
No, no, no!
Herschel?
Herschel,
oy vey iz mir!
You have brought shame
on our family.
If you were a musician
or a jazz singer...
this I could forgive,
but this?
I never want...
to see you again,
you--you clown!
I haven't seen
my father since.
That is so sad.
Do you think about
your father a lot?
All the time.
Except when
I'm at the track.
Oh, look!
Aww... hmm.
Oh, look at you, Bart.
Oh, isn't that fun!
Ooh, hey! Whoa!
Oh, Fourth ofJuly.
I can't believe
that little boy is you, Bart.
Yeah. I got a lot
of fond memories.
Look at the time.
Almost midnight.
Do you have any yearbooks?
You've seen everything.
Milhouse, know any
''knock, knock''jokes?
I want to go home.
Homer, maybe you better
take Milhouse home.
Gladly.
Wow! The Concert for Bangladesh.
Good night, Krusty.
Sorry about your dad.
Don't worry about me.
I'm a survivor.
Did I leave my keys?
No!
Oh, here they are.
Hyuk! Hyuk! Hyuk!
Ehh...
Hmm... ah... uh... ohh!
Academy Award Playhouse...
now returns you to
Hercules Versus the Martians.
Welcome to our spaceship,
mighty Hercules. Heh-heh.
Hello? Hello?!
Anybody there?
I hear a phone ring...
I'm listening,
and there's no talking.
Why would they call...
if they don't want
to talk?
Huh?
Hee-hee-hee!
Aahh!
Aahh!
Didn't ItchyJunior look happy
playing with his father?
And didn't ScratchyJunior
look happy playing with his dad...
until they got run over
by the thresher?
Wasn't that a beautiful cartoon?
For the love of God,
cut to the commercial!
Poor Krusty!
A man who envies
our family...
is a man
who needs help.
We've got
to do something.
Let's move.
Reverend Lovejoy...
we need you to help us
find a rabbi.
Well, before you make
any rash decisions...
let me remind you
that the church is changing...
to meet the needs
of young Christians.
We're not converting.
We just want to find
a Rabbi Krustofski.
I do a radio
call-in show with him...
every Sunday night.
- Really?
- I didn't know that.
I mention it
in my sermon every week.
Oh, that radio show.
It's all the kids talk about
on Monday at school.
Well, why don't you have
a free T-shirt?
You'll be the coolest kids
in the playground.
We'll put them on later.
Can you give us
the rabbi's address?
Oh, sure thing.
Let me check my
non-Christian Rolodex.
I bet he misses Krusty.
He'll be so happy,
he'll cry in his beard.
Oh, yes, yes.
Rabbi Krustofski?
What can I do for you,
my young friend?
We came to talk
about your son.
I have no son!
Great, we came all this way,
and it's the wrong guy.
I didn't mean that
literally!
And in order to keep our
broadcasting license...
we devote
Sunday night dead time...
to public service shows
of limited appeal.
In that spirit, we bring you
Gabbin'About God...
sponsored by Ace Religious Supply,
where they say...
''If we don't got it,
it ain't holy.''
With us once again,
our very own three wise men--
Reverend Timothy Lovejoy,
Monsignor Kenneth Daly...
and Rabbi
Hyman Krustofski.
Our first caller
is from Shelbyville Heights.
With all the suffering
in the world...
do you ever wonder
if God really exists?
No.
Not for a second.
Not at all.
Good conversation there.
Our next call now is
for the good rabbi.
Hello?
I hear breathing,
but I don't hear talking.
What's going on?
Hello? Mister?
Some people got nothing to do
but call and hang up.
There's all kinds of mishagoyim.
Our next caller is
a Springfield boy.
My name is Dmitri.
I'm a first-time caller,
long-time listener.
If a son defies his father
and chooses a career...
that makes millions
of children happy...
shouldn't the father
forgive the son?
I think so.
Of course.
Absolutely not! Never!
Who screens these calls?
Who's in charge here?
They leave a building
without people watching it?
I got a plan that can't fail.
Yiddle, my man,
you're a genius.
I love my work.
Oh, the best charity is to give
and not let other people know.
But what if your example
encourages others to give?
Speaking of charity...
don't you think it's time
you forgave your son?
My boy broke my heart!
He turned his back
on our traditions...
on our faith, and on me.
Get out of here,
you little pisher.
Oy, this guy's tough.
We'll have to outsmart him.
He's pretty sharp.
He saw right through
this disguise.
What? Saul Bellow?
The Nobel prize-winning
Jewish novelist?
He wants to have lunch with me?
It's a date.
Izzy's deli, 1 :00.
I'll be there.
The French government...
wants to give me
the Legion of Honor?
Where do I receive
this prestigious award?
Izzy's deli, 1 :00.
Thank you, Monsieur President.
Au revoir.
Are you kids ready
to order yet?
Just get us another bowl
of complimentary pickles.
Watch how fast I go.
And for you, sir?
I want a nice sandwich,
but theJoey Bishop--
too fatty.
TheJackie Mason--
makes me gassy.
The Bruce Willis?
I don't like his work.
What is this--
a Krusty the Clown?
Ham, sausage and bacon,
with a smidge of mayo.
What?
On white.
You tell Mr. Saul Bellow...
the Nobel prize-winning
Jewish novelist...
that I lost my appetite.
Could you direct me to President
Francois Mitterand's table?
You think you're funny?
50 million Frenchmen
can't be wrong.
We've been going
about this all wrong.
What's the one thing rabbis
prize above everything else?
Those stupid hats?
No, Bart-- knowledge.
We'll hit him where it hurts--
right in theJudaica.
''Glub, glub, glub.''
''Oh, Noah, Noah,
save us, save us!''
''No!''
This looks good, Bart.
Take it to him.
You I told to go away.
Does it not say
in the Babylonian Talmud...
''a child should be pushed aside
with the left hand...
and drawn closer
with the right''?
Yes.
Your religion commands...
you make up with Krusty.
But in Exodus,
the fifth commandment says...
''Honor thy father
and thy mother.''
End of story.
Oh, it's hopeless.
Not quite.
I got some dynamite stuff
from Rabbi Simon Ben-Eliazar.
''At all times let a man
be supple as a reed...
and not rigid
as a cedar.''
Bart, my short, learned friend,
the Book ofJoshua says...
''You shall meditate on the Torah
all day and all night.''
Hmm.
Is it not written
in the Talmud...
''who will bring
redemption?
The jesters.''
I'm still not convinced...
and this is hardly
the time to discuss it.
Here you go, Bart.
It's a long shot,
but that's all I can do...
without learning
ancient Hebrew.
Bart, I am not going
to learn ancient Hebrew.
Rabbi, did not
a great man say...
and I quote, ''TheJews are
a swinging bunch of people.
''I mean, I've heard
of persecution...
''but what they went through
is ridiculous.
''But the great thing is
after thousands of years...
''of holding on
and fighting...
they finally made it.''
End quote.
I never heard
the plight of my people...
phrased so eloquently.
Was that Rabbi Hillel?
Nope.
Judah the Pious?
Maimonides?
The Dead Sea Scrolls!
I'm afraid not, Rabbi.
It's from Yes, I Can,
by Sammy Davis,Jr.
An entertainer,
like your son.
The candy man?
Maybe I'm completely upside down
on this whole problem.
All the years of joy
that I've lost.
Why? Because of
my stubborn ways.
There, there, Rabbi.
It's not too late.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hi, kids.
Today's show's going to be...
the funniest, side-splittingest
cavalcade of--
Aw, the hell with it.
Roll the cartoon.
Oh, yeah. My old friends,
right next to my heart.
Hey, such
a filthy habit.
Who asked you?
Father?
Son.
Papa!
Herschel!
Daddy!
Boychick!
Oh, Daddy!
You're on, Krusty.
Oh, uh--
Boys and girls...
I'd like to be serious
for a moment, if I may.
Spotlight, please.
I just wanted--
I just want--
Come on, guys.
I'm not doing
the spotlight bit.
Let's have a warm Krusty welcome
for my estranged father...
Rabbi Hyman Krustofski.
Lenny...
a little reconciliation music,
if you please.
Come on, Dad.
You know the words.
I got something in my eye.
Take my hankie.
Eeyugh!
We haven't seen each other
in 25 years!
Oh, I love you, son.
I love you, too, Daddy.
Oy, a klop tsu deer!
Hyuk! Hyuk! Hyuk!
Shh!
D'oh!
I hold in my hand
the final ax.
Ah, heh...
That's all the time
we have for today.
I'd like to thank Sideshow Mel...
Corporal Punishment,
Tina Ballerina...
and from Knots Landing,
Miss Donna Mills.
Oh, she was a sport.
See you some other time!
Hyuk! Hyuk! Hyuk!
Great show, Krusty.
I really laughed when--
You've got
a merchandising meeting.
- Cancel it!
- Therapist?
Cancel it!
The line on the Giants
is 5?/.
Put a dime on it.
''Thank you'' dinner
with Bart Simpson?
I don't know Bart Simpson.
The boy
who saved you from jail.
Well, we made a terrible,
terrible mistake.
Ah...
won't happen again.
There was one boy
who trusted me...
all along.
- Bart?
- Yes, sir?
Thank you.
Oh, yeah.
Cancel it!
Hello?
Mrs. Simpson?
Lois Pennycandy,
Krusty the Clown's assistant.
Hello, Mrs. Pennycandy.
It's Miss Pennycandy,
I can assure you.
I'm sorry to inform you...
that Krusty will not
be joining Bart for dinner.
This is the fifth time
he's cancelled.
How can he hurt someone
who loves him so?
Oh, Mrs. Simpson...
I've wasted my womanhood
asking that same question.
I apologize for him.
Something really important
came up.
Lousy mildew!
That's good enough.
Well, thank you for calling.
Good-bye.
How many Krusty autographs
do you want?
A hundred.
Done.
Sweetie, I'm sorry...
but Krusty isn't coming
to dinner again.
Oh, man.
''Dear Krusty,
this is Bart Simpson...
''Krusty buddy number 1 6302
''respectfully returning
his badge.
''I always suspected
that nothing in life mattered.
''Now I know for sure.
Get bent. Bart Simpson. ''
Ooh, SEX-CHAT!
You've reached the party line.
You'll be connected
to a hot party...
with the world's
most beautiful women.
Now let's join the party.
Hello?
Hello?
Hello?
Are there
any women here?
Hello?!
Are you beautiful?
Do I sound beautiful?!
This is not as hot
as I had anticipated.
Read this!
Uh-- I, um--
Uh-- Uh--
''Dee--'' Uh--
''Deee--''
''Dear...
''Krus-s-s-t--
Why--?''
It says the little boy...
who never lost faith in you
has lost faith in you.
You will go to Bart Simpson's
for dinner!
But I have plans.
Hey! Not the face!
Why you maddening,
impossible man!
If you don't go tonight...
I won't be here tomorrow.
Oh, all right, I'll go.
Oh, Krusty!
But I hate missing schnapps night
at the Friars Club.
Bart, wipe your feet.
Why bother?
They'll just
get dirty again.
I've got good news.
Krusty is coming
to dinner tonight.
He is? For sure?
Yes.
God bless that clown.
Hyuk! Hyuk! Hyuk!
You think it's him?
Cute kid.
Oh, hi, Bart.
I was just in
the neighborhood--
What? Krusty the Clown!
What a surprise!
Milhouse, you can come in,
and drop the charade.
Whoa!
You don't have
to be on tonight.
What are you
talking about?
Of course he does.
No. Krusty is our guest.
Your pratfalls
and punchinello antics...
aren't necessary here.
Really?
Yeah.Just relax
and be yourself.
Oh, that's a relief.
Go wait in the car.
Aw! We could have seen
a monkey.
Who wants to say grace?
Let's let our guest do it.
Bless us, O Lord--
Hey!
Krusty, do the honors.
Well, all right.
I'm a little rusty,
but, um... I'll try.
Baruch ata Adonai...
Eloheinu melech
ha-olam...
ha-motzi lechem
min ha-aretz.
He's talking funny talk.
No, Dad,
that's Hebrew.
Krusty must beJewish.
AJewish entertainer?
Get out of here!
There are many prominent
Jewish entertainers...
including Lauren Bacall,
Dinah Shore, William Shatner...
and Mel Brooks.
Mel Brooks is Jewish?!
Krusty, are you all right?
Yes, it's just that saying
the Brucha brings back...
a lot of
painful memories.
The old days...
my-my father.
Hey, Krusty, you
going to finish...
that meat loaf,
or what?
Poor Krusty.
He's like a velvet painting
come to life.
Krusty, why don't you
tell us what's wrong?
Spill your guts.
Yeah. Come on.
Krusty, tell us.
Well, okay.
First of all...
my real name isn't
Krusty the Clown.
It's Herschel Krustofski.
My father was a rabbi.
His father was a rabbi.
His father's father--
Well, you get the idea.
My father was
the most respected man...
in the Lower East Side
of Springfield.
People would come
from miles around...
to ask his advice.
Reb Krustofski,
should I finish college?
Yes. No one is poor except
he who lacks knowledge.
Rabbi, should I have
another child?
Yes. Another child
would be a blessing.
Rabbi, should I
buy a Chrysler?
Could you rephrase that
as an ethical question?
Um... is it right
to buy a Chrysler?
Yes-- for great is the car
with power steering...
and Dyna-Flo suspension.
Papa?
When I grow up,
can I be a clown?
No! A clown is not respected.
I'll make people laugh.
Herschel, life is serious.
Seltzer is for drinking,
not for spraying.
Pie is for noshing,
not for throwing.
But, Papa--
But nothing!
You'll do as I say...
or you'll get
such a zetz...
that you won't even know
what hit you.
Dad wanted me to follow
in his footsteps...
but the pull of clowning
was too strong.
I got my first laughs
at yeshiva...
impersonating my father.
Blah, blah, blah... Moses!
Boy, you don't have to follow
in my footsteps.
Don't worry.
I don't even like using
the bathroom after you.
Why, you little--
Krusty, please continue.
Okay.
My father tried to extinguish
the comedy bug...
but it was no use.
What are you doing?
Go away.
Open the door!
Oy, gevalt!
Close the door!
Then came my big break.
A Talmudic conference
in the Catskills.
I was the entertainment.
But the lord works
in mysterious ways.
My son, Herschel...
was first
in his yeshiva class.
He was voted...
most likely
to hear God.
Go on, Hyman, you're
exaggerating again.
A rabbi never exaggerates.
A rabbi composes,
he creates thoughts...
he tells stories that
may never have happened...
but he does not exaggerate.
My father would have
never suspected a thing...
were it not for
one rowdy rabbi.
Hey, funny man!
No, no, no!
Herschel?
Herschel,
oy vey iz mir!
You have brought shame
on our family.
If you were a musician
or a jazz singer...
this I could forgive,
but this?
I never want...
to see you again,
you--you clown!
I haven't seen
my father since.
That is so sad.
Do you think about
your father a lot?
All the time.
Except when
I'm at the track.
Oh, look!
Aww... hmm.
Oh, look at you, Bart.
Oh, isn't that fun!
Ooh, hey! Whoa!
Oh, Fourth ofJuly.
I can't believe
that little boy is you, Bart.
Yeah. I got a lot
of fond memories.
Look at the time.
Almost midnight.
Do you have any yearbooks?
You've seen everything.
Milhouse, know any
''knock, knock''jokes?
I want to go home.
Homer, maybe you better
take Milhouse home.
Gladly.
Wow! The Concert for Bangladesh.
Good night, Krusty.
Sorry about your dad.
Don't worry about me.
I'm a survivor.
Did I leave my keys?
No!
Oh, here they are.
Hyuk! Hyuk! Hyuk!
Ehh...
Hmm... ah... uh... ohh!
Academy Award Playhouse...
now returns you to
Hercules Versus the Martians.
Welcome to our spaceship,
mighty Hercules. Heh-heh.
Hello? Hello?!
Anybody there?
I hear a phone ring...
I'm listening,
and there's no talking.
Why would they call...
if they don't want
to talk?
Huh?
Hee-hee-hee!
Aahh!
Aahh!
Didn't ItchyJunior look happy
playing with his father?
And didn't ScratchyJunior
look happy playing with his dad...
until they got run over
by the thresher?
Wasn't that a beautiful cartoon?
For the love of God,
cut to the commercial!
Poor Krusty!
A man who envies
our family...
is a man
who needs help.
We've got
to do something.
Let's move.
Reverend Lovejoy...
we need you to help us
find a rabbi.
Well, before you make
any rash decisions...
let me remind you
that the church is changing...
to meet the needs
of young Christians.
We're not converting.
We just want to find
a Rabbi Krustofski.
I do a radio
call-in show with him...
every Sunday night.
- Really?
- I didn't know that.
I mention it
in my sermon every week.
Oh, that radio show.
It's all the kids talk about
on Monday at school.
Well, why don't you have
a free T-shirt?
You'll be the coolest kids
in the playground.
We'll put them on later.
Can you give us
the rabbi's address?
Oh, sure thing.
Let me check my
non-Christian Rolodex.
I bet he misses Krusty.
He'll be so happy,
he'll cry in his beard.
Oh, yes, yes.
Rabbi Krustofski?
What can I do for you,
my young friend?
We came to talk
about your son.
I have no son!
Great, we came all this way,
and it's the wrong guy.
I didn't mean that
literally!
And in order to keep our
broadcasting license...
we devote
Sunday night dead time...
to public service shows
of limited appeal.
In that spirit, we bring you
Gabbin'About God...
sponsored by Ace Religious Supply,
where they say...
''If we don't got it,
it ain't holy.''
With us once again,
our very own three wise men--
Reverend Timothy Lovejoy,
Monsignor Kenneth Daly...
and Rabbi
Hyman Krustofski.
Our first caller
is from Shelbyville Heights.
With all the suffering
in the world...
do you ever wonder
if God really exists?
No.
Not for a second.
Not at all.
Good conversation there.
Our next call now is
for the good rabbi.
Hello?
I hear breathing,
but I don't hear talking.
What's going on?
Hello? Mister?
Some people got nothing to do
but call and hang up.
There's all kinds of mishagoyim.
Our next caller is
a Springfield boy.
My name is Dmitri.
I'm a first-time caller,
long-time listener.
If a son defies his father
and chooses a career...
that makes millions
of children happy...
shouldn't the father
forgive the son?
I think so.
Of course.
Absolutely not! Never!
Who screens these calls?
Who's in charge here?
They leave a building
without people watching it?
I got a plan that can't fail.
Yiddle, my man,
you're a genius.
I love my work.
Oh, the best charity is to give
and not let other people know.
But what if your example
encourages others to give?
Speaking of charity...
don't you think it's time
you forgave your son?
My boy broke my heart!
He turned his back
on our traditions...
on our faith, and on me.
Get out of here,
you little pisher.
Oy, this guy's tough.
We'll have to outsmart him.
He's pretty sharp.
He saw right through
this disguise.
What? Saul Bellow?
The Nobel prize-winning
Jewish novelist?
He wants to have lunch with me?
It's a date.
Izzy's deli, 1 :00.
I'll be there.
The French government...
wants to give me
the Legion of Honor?
Where do I receive
this prestigious award?
Izzy's deli, 1 :00.
Thank you, Monsieur President.
Au revoir.
Are you kids ready
to order yet?
Just get us another bowl
of complimentary pickles.
Watch how fast I go.
And for you, sir?
I want a nice sandwich,
but theJoey Bishop--
too fatty.
TheJackie Mason--
makes me gassy.
The Bruce Willis?
I don't like his work.
What is this--
a Krusty the Clown?
Ham, sausage and bacon,
with a smidge of mayo.
What?
On white.
You tell Mr. Saul Bellow...
the Nobel prize-winning
Jewish novelist...
that I lost my appetite.
Could you direct me to President
Francois Mitterand's table?
You think you're funny?
50 million Frenchmen
can't be wrong.
We've been going
about this all wrong.
What's the one thing rabbis
prize above everything else?
Those stupid hats?
No, Bart-- knowledge.
We'll hit him where it hurts--
right in theJudaica.
''Glub, glub, glub.''
''Oh, Noah, Noah,
save us, save us!''
''No!''
This looks good, Bart.
Take it to him.
You I told to go away.
Does it not say
in the Babylonian Talmud...
''a child should be pushed aside
with the left hand...
and drawn closer
with the right''?
Yes.
Your religion commands...
you make up with Krusty.
But in Exodus,
the fifth commandment says...
''Honor thy father
and thy mother.''
End of story.
Oh, it's hopeless.
Not quite.
I got some dynamite stuff
from Rabbi Simon Ben-Eliazar.
''At all times let a man
be supple as a reed...
and not rigid
as a cedar.''
Bart, my short, learned friend,
the Book ofJoshua says...
''You shall meditate on the Torah
all day and all night.''
Hmm.
Is it not written
in the Talmud...
''who will bring
redemption?
The jesters.''
I'm still not convinced...
and this is hardly
the time to discuss it.
Here you go, Bart.
It's a long shot,
but that's all I can do...
without learning
ancient Hebrew.
Bart, I am not going
to learn ancient Hebrew.
Rabbi, did not
a great man say...
and I quote, ''TheJews are
a swinging bunch of people.
''I mean, I've heard
of persecution...
''but what they went through
is ridiculous.
''But the great thing is
after thousands of years...
''of holding on
and fighting...
they finally made it.''
End quote.
I never heard
the plight of my people...
phrased so eloquently.
Was that Rabbi Hillel?
Nope.
Judah the Pious?
Maimonides?
The Dead Sea Scrolls!
I'm afraid not, Rabbi.
It's from Yes, I Can,
by Sammy Davis,Jr.
An entertainer,
like your son.
The candy man?
Maybe I'm completely upside down
on this whole problem.
All the years of joy
that I've lost.
Why? Because of
my stubborn ways.
There, there, Rabbi.
It's not too late.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hi, kids.
Today's show's going to be...
the funniest, side-splittingest
cavalcade of--
Aw, the hell with it.
Roll the cartoon.
Oh, yeah. My old friends,
right next to my heart.
Hey, such
a filthy habit.
Who asked you?
Father?
Son.
Papa!
Herschel!
Daddy!
Boychick!
Oh, Daddy!
You're on, Krusty.
Oh, uh--
Boys and girls...
I'd like to be serious
for a moment, if I may.
Spotlight, please.
I just wanted--
I just want--
Come on, guys.
I'm not doing
the spotlight bit.
Let's have a warm Krusty welcome
for my estranged father...
Rabbi Hyman Krustofski.
Lenny...
a little reconciliation music,
if you please.
Come on, Dad.
You know the words.
I got something in my eye.
Take my hankie.
Eeyugh!
We haven't seen each other
in 25 years!
Oh, I love you, son.
I love you, too, Daddy.
Oy, a klop tsu deer!
Hyuk! Hyuk! Hyuk!
Shh!