The Simpsons (1989–…): Season 3, Episode 3 - When Flanders Failed - full transcript
At a family barbecue Ned announces his intention to open the Leftorium,a store catering for left-handed customers. Homer,ever jealous of his neighbour,hopes it will fail - and indeed it does,getting to the point where Ned has to sell many of his possessions and his house seems likely to be repossessed. Feeling guilty Homer comes to Ned's rescue by pointing all the left-handed people he knows in the store's direction and thus saving it. Bart,meanwhile,pays the price for going to the video arcade when he should be at self-defence classes.
##Ahh, The Simpsons ##
D'oh!
Homer, you silly goose.
The weed-whacker's
just for the edges.
You'll be out here
all day.
I'm almost done.
You are a picture
and a half.
If you're finished by tomorrow,
come on over...
and we'll put the heat
to the meat.
Nummy-nummy-num!
I'll be there!
...Notty-notty-not.
''The Flanders are having
a beef-a-thon!
Incredible Nedibles!
Maudacious vittles!''
I think it means
he's having a barbecue.
Why doesn't he
just say so?!
He's trying to be friendly.
If you gave Ned Flanders
a chance--
I don't care if he is
the nicest guy in the world.
He's a jerk.
End of story.
We can't hold it against him...
just because he has things
better than we do.
Excuse me? Better?
Thanks a lot, Marge.
You put me in my place.
Oh, Homer...
It's worth feeling
three inches tall...
to find out what kind
of person you are...
Marge Simpson, president of
the ''We Love Flanders'' fan club.
Fee, fi,
fo, fum!
I smell
the potatoes au gratin...
of Marge Simpson.
Mm-mm-mm-mmm!
Hi, Ned.
Um... Homer sends
his apologies...
but, um...
there was some important work
at the plant...
that only he
could take care of.
We now return to the Canadian
Football League draft.
And so, the Rough Riders...
who scored only four rouges
all last season,Jack...
Stupid Flanders.
Go ahead, Marge.
Have a ball.
What if they came back...
and I was dead from not eating?
They'd cry their eyes out.
''We should have never gone
to the Flanders'.
''Why did we go
to the Flanders'
and leave Homer alone
with no food?''
And I'd be laughing--
Laughing from my grave.
Heh, heh, heh.
What is it, boy?
What?
Mmm.
Barbecue.
Ahh.
Mmm.
Hey, I'm back.
Nice seeing you.
Hey!
Oh!
Hey, hey, Homer!
Ahmmffluhff... Inside.
Okay. Thanks
for coming.
You're it.
Electricity.
Nuh-uh!
No electricity.
Only
in freeze tag.
Okay. Now you're it!
Hey! No tag-backs!
Yeah, you cheater.
You lie like a fly...
with a booger
in its eye.
The fly was funny.
The booger
was the icing on the cake.
Friends, we love you all...
but I also have
a sinister motive...
for asking you all here...
''sinister'' being Latin
for left-handed.
But enough joking.
That was a joke?
Friday, I'm saying toodle-loo...
to the pharmaceutical game.
- What's he talking about?
- Leaving?
No, I kid you not.
Here's the noose I had to wear
for ten years.
What are you going
to do?
Like one out of
every nine Americans...
I'm left-handed,
and let me tell you...
it ain't all
peaches and cream.
Your writing
gets smeared.
Lord help you if you drive
a standard transmission.
I'm opening up
a one-stop store for southpaws.
Everything from
left-handed apple peelers...
to left-handed scissors.
Going to call it
''The Leftorium.''
So, Homer,
I'm dying to know...
what do you think
ofThe Leftorium?
It sounds like
a pretty dumb idea to me.
I know it's a little risky...
and it's going to be
a lot of hard work...
but it's going to be
a lot of fun too.
Fun? Where is this store,
Flanders?
The merry old land of Oz?
Oh, no. The Springfield Mall.
Here, you two,
make a wish.
Nah!
- It's fun.
- No, it isn't.
You must have something
you want to wish for.
Hmm, let's see...
Nah.
Hmm...
Hey!
I've got an ambition
to do some wishin'.
Keep your pants on,
Flanders!
I'm wishing as fast as I can!
Ooh!
Heh, heh, heh, heh.
Eh... too far.
Hmm...
Okay, ready.
Yes! Oh, yes!
Read it and weep!
In your face!
I've got
more chicken bone!
What did you wish for?
No! Don't say.
Otherwise,
it won't come true.
Ooh, that would be a shame.
Wouldn't it,
Flanders?
Mmm.
# Dum-da-dah... #
D'oh!
Bart...
how many hours a day
do you watch TV?
Six. Seven if there's
something good on.
Don't you think...
you should get
a little fresh air?
Yeah, but what are
you going to do?
TV gives so much
and asks so little.
It's a boy's
best friend.
That's the problem.
Even as we speak...
millions of children
are staring at the TV...
instead of getting
some much-needed exercise.
Those children's parents...
should be ashamed
of themselves.
Hello, I am Akira. Huahh!!
That didn't hurt very much...
because I know
the ancient art of karate.
Karate focuses the mind
and gives one self-confidence.
People from all walks of life:
- doctors...
-Hi-yaah!!
- homemakers...
- Hu-yaah!!
- landscape architects...
- Huhh-yah!!
- choreographers...
- Haww.
High karate at low, low prices.
I cannot tell a lie.
This is a great deal. Hohh!
Hey, Mom, how about...
if I learn karate?
Will that make you happy?
That sounds fine.
See, you knock TV,
and then it helps you out.
I think you owe somebody
a little apology.
Well, if it isn't The Leftorium.
Hey, Flanders,
how's business?
Oh, a little pokey...
but things are going
to pick up.
Oh! I am so sorry.
How much do I owe you?
Now that was an accident.
Really?
Well, thanks.
Could you validate my parking?
Absitively posolutely.
So, Flanders,
have you sold anything?
Not yet, but one
of the mall security guards...
took a long look...
at a left-handed
ice cream scoop.
Greetings, I am Akira...
your guide on the path
to true karate.
And this is our map,
The Art of War by Sun Tzu.
It will teach us
our most important lesson.
We learn karate,
so we need never use it.
Um... I already know
how not to hit a guy.
Can we break out
the nunchukus?
Yes, the impetuousness
of youth.
For now, let us read.
When do we break blocks of ice
with our heads?
First you must fill your head
with wisdom.
Yo, Sensei, can I go
to the bathroom?
You can
if you believe you can.
Pay money to read books.
The hell with this.
Come on.
Touch of Death! Touch of Death!
Hah, hah, hah!
I'm telling you.
Flanders' store
was dee-serted.
What do you think
of your bestest buddy now?
Dad, do you know
what ''schadenfreude'' is?
No, I do not know
what ''schadenfreude'' is.
Please tell me
because I'm dying to know.
It's German for ''shameful joy--''
taking pleasure
in others' suffering.
I'm just glad to see him
fall flat on his butt.
He's usually all happy
and comfortable...
and surrounded by loved ones,
and it makes me feel--
What's the opposite of that
''shameful joy'' thing of yours?
Sour grapes.
Those Germans have...
a word for everything.
What did you learn
in karate school?
Yeah, this better be worth
my ten bucks.
Uh... I learned
the Touch of Death.
Ooh, the Touch of Death.
Permit me
to demonstrate.
Lisa, shut your eyes.
Soon you will be at peace.
Hey, quit it, Bart. Quit it.
Quit it! Quit it!
Quit it! Mom!!
Don't use the Touch
of Death on your sister.
Uh-oh! Got to get back
to karate class.
Missed a spot.
Dopey kid.
Coming through.
Step aside, lady.
Mmm, baby.
How was class?
We learned how to rip
a man's heart out...
and show it to him
before he dies.
That will learn them.
What did you swipe?
An ''I Love Lefty'' glass.
Left-handed
pinking shears.
Pinking shears?
Let's go to the food court
and steal...
some baked potatoes.
Hey, Flanders,
when are your busy hours?
I expect things
to pick up soon.
I think word of mouth
is starting to spread.
I hear you...
validate parking tickets
without purchase.
Oh, right as rain.
Or as we say around here,
''left as rain.''
Just stamp it.
Okay.
Hey, Homer, how's
your neighbor's store doing?
Lousy.
He just sits there all day.
He'd have a great job
if he didn't own the place.
Crummy right-handed
corkscrews.
What does he sell?
Uh... well, actually, Moe, uh...
I don't know.
Lise, change the channel.
You change it.
Ooowaaah...
Okay, okay.
I grow weary
of this new channel.
Change it back.
But, Bart...
Eeeyaahhh...
Apple... apple... apple...
Come on, candy bar.
Hey, you're that first apple
I didn't want.
That sinks it.
I'm really going
to let them have it this time.
Simpson, put that box
on Mr. Burns' desk.
Chop-chop!
Oh, look, Smithers.
Another member
of our nuclear family...
with some helpful
suggestions.
And what's your name?
Homer Simpson, sir.
Simpson, eh?
Mm-hmm. I'm Monty Burns.
''Keep that handsome owner
out of sight.
He's distracting
the female employees.''
Smithers?
Got me, sir.
Oh, it's a real one.
''No more apples
in the vending machine, please.''
Well, that's almost a sentence.
Can I leave?
Of course,
and don't worry.
There will be plenty
of apples for you.
Nobody will take away
your precious apples.
The note was asking you to--
No, tell my secretary I said
you could have a free apple.
She'll make everything
all right. I promise.
Damned infernal gizmo.
My kingdom for
a left-handed can opener!
Uh, Mr. Burns...
Come on, Homer.
Tell him about the store.
I'm dying out here.
Sorry, Flanders.
Huh?
Are you sure...
you're not interested?
$200 is only
the asking price.
Sorry, Ned.
Hey, I'm flexible.
You don't have to pay
all at once.
I'll be here all night
if you change your mind.
Hey, Flanders,
is everything okay?
Oh, yeah, sure.
See anything you like?
Oh, it's not good enough
for you...
but it's good enough for me?
I wouldn't be caught dead
buying this... Hello.
Got your eye on
the gas grill, huh?
She's a butane beaut.
I'll give you 20.
Homer, I paid $300
for this just last year.
$20. Take it or leave it.
Oh, Homer, be reasonable.
Sorry, no cash for Neddy.
Homer keep all money.
Bye-bye, Neddy.
All right, Homer.
$20?
$20.
I don't want it.
What?!
It was...
a passing fancy.
Although, if you threw in
a few lawn chairs...
maybe that tool bench,
it might rekindle my interest.
Hey, Bartely-boobely.
Care for a steakarooni?
Sounds scrum-diddley-umptious,
dear old duddely-doodely.
[ Homer]
Duddely-doodely.
This is the Flanders'
living room set.
What did you
pay for this?
Only 7 5 beans.
$7 5?
Ned must be desperate.
I'm sure you did nothing
to discourage this...
you scavenger of human misery.
Hey! Keep your hands off
my china hutch.
I'm Chuck Ellis...
from the Springfield
Collection Agency...
and I'm here to ask you
why you don't think...
you need to pay your bills?
Oh, I know I need to pay them,
but there's just so many.
Do you feel good owing money?
We've been very patient
with you, Mr. Flanders.
I know, but-- Wait a minute.
I'm Homer Simpson.
Ned Flanders lives
over there.
Oh.
Flanders is in debt?
Are you sure?
We don't make mistakes.
Damned right-handed ledgers.
I can't write
in these things.
There's a store...
You're Homer Simpson?
See you Thursday.
D'oh!
Knock 'em dead, boy.
Kid's going to be
a black belt in no time.
Ohhh...
Check out
the saxophone.
Pretty boss...
but something's
stuck on it.
Hey!
Hey, look at me.
I'm Elvis, man!
Give that back!
That to me!
If you want it,
take it.
Okay. We're sorry.
This time, we're really
going to give it to you.
Hey, stop that!
Hey, Lise, something wrong?
Not anymore!
You punks are
about to get...
a taste
of your own medicine.
This is my brother,
and he knows karate.
Uh-oh.
Oh, we're
real scared.
Please don't
hurt us, Bart.
What are you going to do?
Throw your diapers at us?
Just keep laughing.
It only makes him
madder.
Start them off
with the Touch of Death...
and go from there.
I think they've learned
their lesson, Lise.
We want to see
the Touch of Death.
Come on, Karate Kid.
Waste me.
It's funny how two wrongs
sometimes make a right.
Homer...
over here.
Flanders, I want
to give you your stuff back.
Well, there's no house
to put it in, Homer.
Not since that nice fellow
from the bank--
who was only doing his job--
came and locked it up.
You're living in your car?
Oh, no. It's just
a camp-out tonight...
then off to my sister's
apartment in Capital City.
What do you think, kids?
The big city.
Todd, I want to talk
to your Uncle Homer.
You're head of the car
till I get back.
Okay, Dad.
Listen to that singing.
Those poor fools.
Homer, I'm ruined.
I know.
At times like these...
I used to turn to the Bible
and find solace...
but even the Good Book...
can't help me now.
Why not?
I sold it to you
for seven cents.
You know, ever since
that barbecue...
nothing's gone right.
It's like there's been...
a curse on me.
It's all my fault.
No, it's not.
Yes, it is.
You tried to warn me...
about gambling
my family's future...
on some pig in a poke.
I didn't listen.
Homer, you were
a true friend.
No, I was a swine.
Listen, Flanders.
Do you still have
that store?
For two more days.
Then it becomes
Libertarian Party headquarters.
I hope they have better luck.
You open that store tomorrow.
Homer, there's no point.
I said do it!
Hello,Jerry? Homer Simpson.
Remember last month
when I paid back that loan?
Well, now I need you
to do a favor for me.
A left-handed corkscrew?
Oh, baby.
''Kiss me-- I'm left-handed?''
That's a classic.
Whoa!
It's Homer Simpson.
Tell him I went out.
He needs you
to help Ned Flanders.
Ned is in trouble?!
Smithers, I'm licked.
You open this can.
Okay, but you softened
it up for me.
Hold it, Smithers.
I'll open the can.
But, sir, how?
To the mall!
I'll explain on the way.
Hurry, Neddy, hurry.
Oh, golly, it's a miracle.
Come on, lefties.
What did I tell you?
Homer?
It's all here,
and it's all backwards.
That's right.
The worm has turned, has it not,
my tin-plated friend?
Look at you--
You who were once so proud.
Feel the wrath
of the left hand of Burns.
My life today.
Wow! What an icebreaker.
Left-handed ledgers.
Now, I can write
all the way to the edge.
Aha! Left-handed nunchukas.
Wow!
The boys
at the Diners Club...
will think I've
gone quite mad.
Oh, I'll have
that roadster as well.
Yes, sir.
Huzzah for the shopkeep.
Huzzah!
Homer, affordable tract housing
made us neighbors...
but you made us friends.
To Ned Flanders...
the richest left-handed man
in town.
Everybody!
- Shh!
D'oh!
Homer, you silly goose.
The weed-whacker's
just for the edges.
You'll be out here
all day.
I'm almost done.
You are a picture
and a half.
If you're finished by tomorrow,
come on over...
and we'll put the heat
to the meat.
Nummy-nummy-num!
I'll be there!
...Notty-notty-not.
''The Flanders are having
a beef-a-thon!
Incredible Nedibles!
Maudacious vittles!''
I think it means
he's having a barbecue.
Why doesn't he
just say so?!
He's trying to be friendly.
If you gave Ned Flanders
a chance--
I don't care if he is
the nicest guy in the world.
He's a jerk.
End of story.
We can't hold it against him...
just because he has things
better than we do.
Excuse me? Better?
Thanks a lot, Marge.
You put me in my place.
Oh, Homer...
It's worth feeling
three inches tall...
to find out what kind
of person you are...
Marge Simpson, president of
the ''We Love Flanders'' fan club.
Fee, fi,
fo, fum!
I smell
the potatoes au gratin...
of Marge Simpson.
Mm-mm-mm-mmm!
Hi, Ned.
Um... Homer sends
his apologies...
but, um...
there was some important work
at the plant...
that only he
could take care of.
We now return to the Canadian
Football League draft.
And so, the Rough Riders...
who scored only four rouges
all last season,Jack...
Stupid Flanders.
Go ahead, Marge.
Have a ball.
What if they came back...
and I was dead from not eating?
They'd cry their eyes out.
''We should have never gone
to the Flanders'.
''Why did we go
to the Flanders'
and leave Homer alone
with no food?''
And I'd be laughing--
Laughing from my grave.
Heh, heh, heh.
What is it, boy?
What?
Mmm.
Barbecue.
Ahh.
Mmm.
Hey, I'm back.
Nice seeing you.
Hey!
Oh!
Hey, hey, Homer!
Ahmmffluhff... Inside.
Okay. Thanks
for coming.
You're it.
Electricity.
Nuh-uh!
No electricity.
Only
in freeze tag.
Okay. Now you're it!
Hey! No tag-backs!
Yeah, you cheater.
You lie like a fly...
with a booger
in its eye.
The fly was funny.
The booger
was the icing on the cake.
Friends, we love you all...
but I also have
a sinister motive...
for asking you all here...
''sinister'' being Latin
for left-handed.
But enough joking.
That was a joke?
Friday, I'm saying toodle-loo...
to the pharmaceutical game.
- What's he talking about?
- Leaving?
No, I kid you not.
Here's the noose I had to wear
for ten years.
What are you going
to do?
Like one out of
every nine Americans...
I'm left-handed,
and let me tell you...
it ain't all
peaches and cream.
Your writing
gets smeared.
Lord help you if you drive
a standard transmission.
I'm opening up
a one-stop store for southpaws.
Everything from
left-handed apple peelers...
to left-handed scissors.
Going to call it
''The Leftorium.''
So, Homer,
I'm dying to know...
what do you think
ofThe Leftorium?
It sounds like
a pretty dumb idea to me.
I know it's a little risky...
and it's going to be
a lot of hard work...
but it's going to be
a lot of fun too.
Fun? Where is this store,
Flanders?
The merry old land of Oz?
Oh, no. The Springfield Mall.
Here, you two,
make a wish.
Nah!
- It's fun.
- No, it isn't.
You must have something
you want to wish for.
Hmm, let's see...
Nah.
Hmm...
Hey!
I've got an ambition
to do some wishin'.
Keep your pants on,
Flanders!
I'm wishing as fast as I can!
Ooh!
Heh, heh, heh, heh.
Eh... too far.
Hmm...
Okay, ready.
Yes! Oh, yes!
Read it and weep!
In your face!
I've got
more chicken bone!
What did you wish for?
No! Don't say.
Otherwise,
it won't come true.
Ooh, that would be a shame.
Wouldn't it,
Flanders?
Mmm.
# Dum-da-dah... #
D'oh!
Bart...
how many hours a day
do you watch TV?
Six. Seven if there's
something good on.
Don't you think...
you should get
a little fresh air?
Yeah, but what are
you going to do?
TV gives so much
and asks so little.
It's a boy's
best friend.
That's the problem.
Even as we speak...
millions of children
are staring at the TV...
instead of getting
some much-needed exercise.
Those children's parents...
should be ashamed
of themselves.
Hello, I am Akira. Huahh!!
That didn't hurt very much...
because I know
the ancient art of karate.
Karate focuses the mind
and gives one self-confidence.
People from all walks of life:
- doctors...
-Hi-yaah!!
- homemakers...
- Hu-yaah!!
- landscape architects...
- Huhh-yah!!
- choreographers...
- Haww.
High karate at low, low prices.
I cannot tell a lie.
This is a great deal. Hohh!
Hey, Mom, how about...
if I learn karate?
Will that make you happy?
That sounds fine.
See, you knock TV,
and then it helps you out.
I think you owe somebody
a little apology.
Well, if it isn't The Leftorium.
Hey, Flanders,
how's business?
Oh, a little pokey...
but things are going
to pick up.
Oh! I am so sorry.
How much do I owe you?
Now that was an accident.
Really?
Well, thanks.
Could you validate my parking?
Absitively posolutely.
So, Flanders,
have you sold anything?
Not yet, but one
of the mall security guards...
took a long look...
at a left-handed
ice cream scoop.
Greetings, I am Akira...
your guide on the path
to true karate.
And this is our map,
The Art of War by Sun Tzu.
It will teach us
our most important lesson.
We learn karate,
so we need never use it.
Um... I already know
how not to hit a guy.
Can we break out
the nunchukus?
Yes, the impetuousness
of youth.
For now, let us read.
When do we break blocks of ice
with our heads?
First you must fill your head
with wisdom.
Yo, Sensei, can I go
to the bathroom?
You can
if you believe you can.
Pay money to read books.
The hell with this.
Come on.
Touch of Death! Touch of Death!
Hah, hah, hah!
I'm telling you.
Flanders' store
was dee-serted.
What do you think
of your bestest buddy now?
Dad, do you know
what ''schadenfreude'' is?
No, I do not know
what ''schadenfreude'' is.
Please tell me
because I'm dying to know.
It's German for ''shameful joy--''
taking pleasure
in others' suffering.
I'm just glad to see him
fall flat on his butt.
He's usually all happy
and comfortable...
and surrounded by loved ones,
and it makes me feel--
What's the opposite of that
''shameful joy'' thing of yours?
Sour grapes.
Those Germans have...
a word for everything.
What did you learn
in karate school?
Yeah, this better be worth
my ten bucks.
Uh... I learned
the Touch of Death.
Ooh, the Touch of Death.
Permit me
to demonstrate.
Lisa, shut your eyes.
Soon you will be at peace.
Hey, quit it, Bart. Quit it.
Quit it! Quit it!
Quit it! Mom!!
Don't use the Touch
of Death on your sister.
Uh-oh! Got to get back
to karate class.
Missed a spot.
Dopey kid.
Coming through.
Step aside, lady.
Mmm, baby.
How was class?
We learned how to rip
a man's heart out...
and show it to him
before he dies.
That will learn them.
What did you swipe?
An ''I Love Lefty'' glass.
Left-handed
pinking shears.
Pinking shears?
Let's go to the food court
and steal...
some baked potatoes.
Hey, Flanders,
when are your busy hours?
I expect things
to pick up soon.
I think word of mouth
is starting to spread.
I hear you...
validate parking tickets
without purchase.
Oh, right as rain.
Or as we say around here,
''left as rain.''
Just stamp it.
Okay.
Hey, Homer, how's
your neighbor's store doing?
Lousy.
He just sits there all day.
He'd have a great job
if he didn't own the place.
Crummy right-handed
corkscrews.
What does he sell?
Uh... well, actually, Moe, uh...
I don't know.
Lise, change the channel.
You change it.
Ooowaaah...
Okay, okay.
I grow weary
of this new channel.
Change it back.
But, Bart...
Eeeyaahhh...
Apple... apple... apple...
Come on, candy bar.
Hey, you're that first apple
I didn't want.
That sinks it.
I'm really going
to let them have it this time.
Simpson, put that box
on Mr. Burns' desk.
Chop-chop!
Oh, look, Smithers.
Another member
of our nuclear family...
with some helpful
suggestions.
And what's your name?
Homer Simpson, sir.
Simpson, eh?
Mm-hmm. I'm Monty Burns.
''Keep that handsome owner
out of sight.
He's distracting
the female employees.''
Smithers?
Got me, sir.
Oh, it's a real one.
''No more apples
in the vending machine, please.''
Well, that's almost a sentence.
Can I leave?
Of course,
and don't worry.
There will be plenty
of apples for you.
Nobody will take away
your precious apples.
The note was asking you to--
No, tell my secretary I said
you could have a free apple.
She'll make everything
all right. I promise.
Damned infernal gizmo.
My kingdom for
a left-handed can opener!
Uh, Mr. Burns...
Come on, Homer.
Tell him about the store.
I'm dying out here.
Sorry, Flanders.
Huh?
Are you sure...
you're not interested?
$200 is only
the asking price.
Sorry, Ned.
Hey, I'm flexible.
You don't have to pay
all at once.
I'll be here all night
if you change your mind.
Hey, Flanders,
is everything okay?
Oh, yeah, sure.
See anything you like?
Oh, it's not good enough
for you...
but it's good enough for me?
I wouldn't be caught dead
buying this... Hello.
Got your eye on
the gas grill, huh?
She's a butane beaut.
I'll give you 20.
Homer, I paid $300
for this just last year.
$20. Take it or leave it.
Oh, Homer, be reasonable.
Sorry, no cash for Neddy.
Homer keep all money.
Bye-bye, Neddy.
All right, Homer.
$20?
$20.
I don't want it.
What?!
It was...
a passing fancy.
Although, if you threw in
a few lawn chairs...
maybe that tool bench,
it might rekindle my interest.
Hey, Bartely-boobely.
Care for a steakarooni?
Sounds scrum-diddley-umptious,
dear old duddely-doodely.
[ Homer]
Duddely-doodely.
This is the Flanders'
living room set.
What did you
pay for this?
Only 7 5 beans.
$7 5?
Ned must be desperate.
I'm sure you did nothing
to discourage this...
you scavenger of human misery.
Hey! Keep your hands off
my china hutch.
I'm Chuck Ellis...
from the Springfield
Collection Agency...
and I'm here to ask you
why you don't think...
you need to pay your bills?
Oh, I know I need to pay them,
but there's just so many.
Do you feel good owing money?
We've been very patient
with you, Mr. Flanders.
I know, but-- Wait a minute.
I'm Homer Simpson.
Ned Flanders lives
over there.
Oh.
Flanders is in debt?
Are you sure?
We don't make mistakes.
Damned right-handed ledgers.
I can't write
in these things.
There's a store...
You're Homer Simpson?
See you Thursday.
D'oh!
Knock 'em dead, boy.
Kid's going to be
a black belt in no time.
Ohhh...
Check out
the saxophone.
Pretty boss...
but something's
stuck on it.
Hey!
Hey, look at me.
I'm Elvis, man!
Give that back!
That to me!
If you want it,
take it.
Okay. We're sorry.
This time, we're really
going to give it to you.
Hey, stop that!
Hey, Lise, something wrong?
Not anymore!
You punks are
about to get...
a taste
of your own medicine.
This is my brother,
and he knows karate.
Uh-oh.
Oh, we're
real scared.
Please don't
hurt us, Bart.
What are you going to do?
Throw your diapers at us?
Just keep laughing.
It only makes him
madder.
Start them off
with the Touch of Death...
and go from there.
I think they've learned
their lesson, Lise.
We want to see
the Touch of Death.
Come on, Karate Kid.
Waste me.
It's funny how two wrongs
sometimes make a right.
Homer...
over here.
Flanders, I want
to give you your stuff back.
Well, there's no house
to put it in, Homer.
Not since that nice fellow
from the bank--
who was only doing his job--
came and locked it up.
You're living in your car?
Oh, no. It's just
a camp-out tonight...
then off to my sister's
apartment in Capital City.
What do you think, kids?
The big city.
Todd, I want to talk
to your Uncle Homer.
You're head of the car
till I get back.
Okay, Dad.
Listen to that singing.
Those poor fools.
Homer, I'm ruined.
I know.
At times like these...
I used to turn to the Bible
and find solace...
but even the Good Book...
can't help me now.
Why not?
I sold it to you
for seven cents.
You know, ever since
that barbecue...
nothing's gone right.
It's like there's been...
a curse on me.
It's all my fault.
No, it's not.
Yes, it is.
You tried to warn me...
about gambling
my family's future...
on some pig in a poke.
I didn't listen.
Homer, you were
a true friend.
No, I was a swine.
Listen, Flanders.
Do you still have
that store?
For two more days.
Then it becomes
Libertarian Party headquarters.
I hope they have better luck.
You open that store tomorrow.
Homer, there's no point.
I said do it!
Hello,Jerry? Homer Simpson.
Remember last month
when I paid back that loan?
Well, now I need you
to do a favor for me.
A left-handed corkscrew?
Oh, baby.
''Kiss me-- I'm left-handed?''
That's a classic.
Whoa!
It's Homer Simpson.
Tell him I went out.
He needs you
to help Ned Flanders.
Ned is in trouble?!
Smithers, I'm licked.
You open this can.
Okay, but you softened
it up for me.
Hold it, Smithers.
I'll open the can.
But, sir, how?
To the mall!
I'll explain on the way.
Hurry, Neddy, hurry.
Oh, golly, it's a miracle.
Come on, lefties.
What did I tell you?
Homer?
It's all here,
and it's all backwards.
That's right.
The worm has turned, has it not,
my tin-plated friend?
Look at you--
You who were once so proud.
Feel the wrath
of the left hand of Burns.
My life today.
Wow! What an icebreaker.
Left-handed ledgers.
Now, I can write
all the way to the edge.
Aha! Left-handed nunchukas.
Wow!
The boys
at the Diners Club...
will think I've
gone quite mad.
Oh, I'll have
that roadster as well.
Yes, sir.
Huzzah for the shopkeep.
Huzzah!
Homer, affordable tract housing
made us neighbors...
but you made us friends.
To Ned Flanders...
the richest left-handed man
in town.
Everybody!
- Shh!