The Simpsons (1989–…): Season 27, Episode 15 - Lisa the Veterinarian - full transcript
Lisa takes a job as veterinarian's assistant, but soon lets the responsibilities of the job get to her head. Meanwhile, Marge decides to take a job as a crime scene cleaner.
♪ The Simpsons 27x15 ♪
Lisa the Veterinarian
Original Air Date on March 6, 201
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
Wow, an
indoor water park.
Hopefully, this will put the
final nail in the coffin
of lakes and rivers.
Well, as a mother, I...
We all know
you're a mother.
As a mother,
I like that wherever I look,
I can see a lifeguard.
I'm finding Nemo!
I saw heaven!
My head!
Mom! Bart got
my hair wet,
and I wasn't ready
to get it wet yet!
Hmm.
I'm afraid you're going
in the kiddie pool.
Oh. I've had baths
that were more exciting. Baths!
Oh, my God, a plastic ring.
Out of my way,
you little twerps!
I want that ring.
Ow!
Hmm.
Hey, uh, do you have
any waterslides
for the gentleman of
leisurely proportions?
Right this way, sir.
This park specializes
in extra-wide
double-reinforced tubing
for the modern American fatso.
Oh, well.
Cola wars veteran
coming through!
Woo-hoo! I'm exercising!
Awesome.
Milhouse, how long
you been waiting in line?
You mean you didn't
use the app last week
to get your Slammin' Salmon
line number?
What are you, Amish?
All right,
time to thin out the herd.
Attention, bathers,
this is water park president
Cal A. Bunga.
Do not panic,
but the pools are infested
with those tiny fish
that swim up your wiener.
Get out of the way!
Again, do not panic.
If you think a wiener fish
has entered your dingus,
the only cure is to roll around
naked in the snow.
Uh, Lou, I need a
big favor from you.
Oh, man. I... They don't train
you for this at the academy.
Well, they should.
Whee! Yes!
Oh, dear God!
Bio breach!
That poor raccoon!
Isn't anyone gonna do anything?
He committed nature's greatest
crime: coming inside.
No heartbeat.
Finally, a chance to use
my online CPR training.
One, two, three, four five.
One, two, three, four, five.
Lisa has a boyfriend!
Lisa has a boyfriend!
Oh, a boyfriend?
And raccoons
are such good providers.
Come on, come on.
You have so much more trash
to eat.
Steal one more breath,
noble bandit.
It worked. I saved you.
My first rescue.
And my first real kiss.
She'd have chosen me if I was
wearing a real bathing suit.
For once, a life saved
at a Springfield water park,
where a quick-thinking
second grader
performed emergency CPR
on a drowning nuisance animal,
while dozens of unheroic
onlookers just stood around.
Where was Channel Six news?
Filming gas pumps
and their ever-changing prices.
Which accomplishes what?
I don't know.
There's eight minutes left.
Uh, did we do gas prices?
Yes!
We saw you
on the picture radio.
They chyroned
your name.
They described you
as "Local Girl."
Hubba, hubba.
They sure got that
right.
Lisa, it looks like you're the
perfect student to look after
Nibbles the hamster here
during spring break.
I'd take him with me,
but I'm doing Jell-O shots
with former students.
This spring break, I'm gonna
go wild with responsibility!
My dad's spending spring break
in a cage, too.
And for saving that raccoon,
I got the opposite of teasing.
I bet the Germans
have a word for it, like, uh,
gerstronkenplatzen
or something.
I wish the Germans had a word
for this terrible traffic.
And so ends the moment
being about me.
What's going on, Chief?
Oh, nasty car crash.
Can't let traffic through
until the cleanup crew
mops up this mess.
Which is a problem,
because they're
stuck in traffic behind you.
Okay, who did that?!
We need to get home.
I left my father-in-law
on the sofa.
He's got to be turned.
Yeah, well,
that ain't gonna happen.
Not unless you clean up
this accident scene.
Actually, seriously,
could you do that?
Hmm, I don't know.
I'm one of those people
who doesn't like
being traumatized
by horrifying sights.
Marge, do you know why
I became a cop?
If you do, could you tell me?
'Cause it's-it's
really dangerous.
B-But these crime scene
cleanups, they're totally safe.
All the bad people are dead
or, uh, at large.
So give it a shot.
Please. Please, Mom.
Huh?
Oh, all right.
There you go.
Spick and span.
Wow, you even made the
homeless guy look nice.
Yeah, still crazy though.
You know, Marge,
uh, you ever want
some fast extra
cash, we are always
looking for crime
scene cleaner-uppers.
You know what they say:
crime always pays.
Plus, you can keep
any money you find,
and any jewelry that
isn't monogrammed.
Hello, little girl.
Oh, does your hamster
have Tyzzer's disease?
That would've
been interesting,
but I swabbed him for Tyzzer's
and it came up negative.
My. You certainly
know a lot about animals.
That's just it, I do.
I saved a raccoon's
life the other day.
It was the best
feeling I've ever had.
Is there any way I could
work in your office?
I mean, as an
intern or anything?
Oh, do you know how many people
walk in here every day
looking for just such a thing?
A lot, I bet.
No, it's never happened.
Grab a clean smock
and follow me.
Oh, okay!
I can't find a clean smock.
Then your first job is
to clean the smocks.
I'm ready, Dr. Budgie.
Oh, it's a shame to ruin
such a clean smock,
but, uh, let's go.
Hmm.
This is heaven.
You got to help me, Doc.
My pet ferret
has lost its terrible stink!
Well, that won't do.
Let me have a go
at jump-starting
the old stink gland.
Lisa, my dear,
can you restrain the ferret?
It would be my honor.
Clear!
We have stink lines!
Well done, Lisa.
Heaven!
Ew.
All right,
Veggie Kibble for Daisy here.
Chairman Meow
is having surgery tomorrow,
so only liquid for you.
And no more food for you,
Mr. Snake,
until you finish
shedding your skin.
Oh. You have.
Dr. Budgie, I'm really enjoying
cleaning out these cages.
No, really, I am, but are there
any jobs that are more exciting?
Absolutely.
You can hobble
these crickets.
We have a hungry chameleon
who's slowing down with age,
but he still loves
the thrill of the hunt.
Mm.
Anything more life or deathy?
I could take
the animals' temperature.
I know what that means,
and I am up for it.
Oh, Lisa, slow down.
Do you know how many awkward
courses I had to take
before they let me put
my arm inside a horse?
I understand.
I just feel like
I could be doing more.
Oh, you remind me
of a certain young man
growing up in
Stratfordshire-on-Corningwell.
He, too, was impatient.
Always thinking
he could do more.
Was that you?
No. If that was me,
I would have said "me."
This eager beaver
had to leave veterinary school
and become-- ugh--
a people doctor.
Ooh.
And with the 27th pick
of the 14th round
of the NHL draft,
the Phoenix Coyotes select...
Lubochuck, Lubochuck,
Lubochuck, Lubochuck.
...Cédric Bélanger.
But Lubochuck.
Homie, I think
we need a new ceiling fan.
The old one
doesn't seem safe.
It's fine. And it saves us
money on haircuts.
Not bad, but I miss
the social aspects
of the barbershop.
The St. Louis Blues
are now on the clock.
Lubochuck, Lubochuck,
Lubochuck, Lubochuck.
Hmm.
Springfield PD.
PD... police department!
Ha! I just got that.
Chief, Chief,
this is Marge Simpson.
I think I'd like to do some of
those crime scene cleanups.
Oh, great, great.
Hey, I got a job for you
right here.
Uh, murder-suicide.
Or possibly a suicide-murder.
Just bring a mop
and your imagination.
Hey, it can't be worse
than what I've seen.
Homer, I told you not to eat
chili out of the colander!
Uh, it's pronounced
"calendar."
What's the matter, little guy?
You haven't touched
your berries.
Do you need aphids for flavor?
Mmm. Aphids.
Lisa, could you
come here for a moment?
At last.
I'm trying to give this
Saint Bernard a shot,
but my hands are
a little shaky.
I had an extra gallon
of tea for lunch.
Oh, my.
If I hold him,
do you think
you could attend to the
matter of the needle?
Of course!
Mm.
Careful, careful.
A single millimeter
either way
would not make much
of a difference.
Huh. Why am I not feeling
the same rush I did
with the raccoon?
There it is!
Be careful, Mrs. S.
I've never seen an angel-dust-
for-guns swap go so wrong.
Hey, a mess is a mess.
Huh?
Let me start with this
filthy crime scene tape.
Yarr, is the
doctor in, miss?
Little Goldie here is
listing hard to starboard.
I fear he may have tangled
with the wrong plastic diver.
Hmm. Could be fin rot.
Oh, no, not the
big F. Arr!
Do what you must.
I'll say my good-byes.
You were more wife to me
than any woman I ever knew.
Captain, the diagnosis
of fin rot
is not the death sentence
it used to be.
A couple drops of medicine
in the water, and he'll be fine.
Hmm.
Yarr, that's amazing!
Eh, I've just got one
more little problem.
He, uh...
he ate me car keys. Yarr.
Hurry, Doc! His lungs
are full of seltzer!
Homie?
Notice anything?
Um, are you having an affair?
What? No.
I bought
a new ceiling fan. Huh?
Ooh, I thought the air
felt a little more lively.
But where did you
get the money?
Actually, I made a little extra
by cleaning up crime scenes.
What? Poor Marge.
I heard
that can really mess you...
Oh, baby,
that cool air is sweet!
...up.
Are you sure you're not
living a waking nightmare?
No. Not one little bit.
And I get the police discount
on cleaning supplies.
I can finally clean
Grampa's dentures.
Yeah, I got popcorn in there
from Kramer vs. Kramer.
I was rooting
for Kramer,
but was dismayed when
Kramer finally won.
That's a twist I
didn't see Kramer.
Happy birthday, Martin.
Where's the gift table?
Right over there, my friend.
Haw-haw!
Some zoo.
Where are the rental strollers?
Actually, it's
not so bad.
The animals are healthy.
A couple of paddock scrapes,
but nothing overly concerning.
Oh, knock it off.
You're not a vet.
You're a glorified
cage scrubber.
Dr. Budgie
depends upon me!
I have felt the cold breath
of kennel cough in my face.
I have seen tabbies that
were more tick than cat.
I know why the
caged dog scoots.
So when your lizard
loses its tail,
you're gonna need me to tell
you it's gonna grow back.
Want some peanuts,
Mr. Elephant?
Uh, it's a goat,
not an elephant,
and those are shrimp,
not peanuts.
And that goat is
allergic to shrimp!
Your breath smells like
"don't drink that."
Milhouse, give me your EpiPen!
You're not
a professional.
I am a self-selected
unpaid veterinary intern.
Now let me
practice my craft!
Hey, he's as
good as new.
Look at him play
with the kids!
See, Bart?
Life or death.
I make the choice.
Okay, time to
cut the cake.
That's my patient.
Guess what, sweetie.
I'm wearing
my snuggle socks.
They're compression socks
from your heart surgery.
All the same...
I'm not in the mood.
What?!
You've never said that before!
I've thought it
three times.
Each time was after a
burrito-eating contest.
But I won!
What's wrong?
It's just that seeing
you, lying down,
reminds me of this bloated
corpse I had to clean up today.
Hey, I look damn good for
someone who eats the crap I do.
Maybe we should
just go to sleep.
I wasn't done
with my drink.
Would you like
my itty-bitty booze light?
I've never seen him like this.
He's so listless.
Who's lost the urge
to kill?
Who's lost
the urge to kill?
I'll tell you what's
wrong with him: you.
What? Me?!
This dog is badly
behind on his shots.
He's displaying the symptoms
of early onset parvo.
I'm confiscating
your dog.
And, you, get out!
Smithers, I've
been shamed.
Prepare a thimble of ice cream.
Some people don't
deserve to own pets.
And you get to decide who?
Don't fold your
arms at me.
Lis, look at yourself.
You've become so arrogant,
you've forgotten who you are.
And even worse,
you've forgotten Nibbles!
Nibbles!
My pet! My responsibility!
My homework!
Matted hair, dry tongue...
Is this true, Lisa?
Did you let this happen
to a creature in your care?
I'm so sorry.
I'm so, so sorry.
Pet hamsters need to be
played with regularly,
or they feel abandoned.
And that can lead to
stress polyps on the heart.
The heart is the
seat of love, Lisa.
If you'd gone to veterinary
school, you'd know that.
I've got no choice
but to operate.
And I need your help.
You still want me to help you
after I was so arrogant?
Lisa, arrogance is
what made the British Empire.
Then lost it.
Then pretended it didn't happen.
Well, we've done
all we can.
The next 24 hours
will be crucial.
Oh, he's gone.
No, no, no.
He can't be dead!
He can't!
I thought we could save every
animal if we just cared enough.
Okay, Marge,
sweetie, look at this one.
See, Marge? The baby laughs
every time the toaster pops.
It is pretty hysterical.
That's nice.
Nice? Something in you
is dead, Marge,
and that's one crime scene
you can't clean up.
And all for a fan.
A stupid ceiling fan that...
Oh, man, that's refreshing.
I want my Marge back.
Hello? What is it, boy?
Uh-huh. I see.
Fine, Marge.
You sit here, watch your
boob tube, have a beer.
That's not how Homer Simpson
does things.
I have to go help Lisa!
Lisa?
Wait! Wait, I'm
coming with you.
No answer.
I guess we got to
do this ourselves.
Oh, geez.
All right, get some
paper towels, boys.
Lisa.
Oh, Mom, he trusted me
as only a hamster can!
If there's one thing
I'll always clean up,
it's my baby's tears.
Oh, I should've been
here for you.
You would've never let
anything happen to him.
I was too busy
being dead inside...
Wherever he went,
I hope they have hamster balls.
...doing I don't
know what!
But I'm here now,
and I'll never leave.
Well, I'll be.
Lisa's learning about death
helped Marge feel again.
Yes, a perfect
dovetail.
Thank you for curing
Walter Pigeon here.
I can't afford to pay
you, but I can give you
front row seats
to my magic show.
The theme is boxing.
Sounds marvelous.
Oh, yeah, no.
Come on, it is.
I want to thank everyone
for coming to
Nibbles's funeral today.
This is President
Cal A. Bunga.
On this sad occasion,
the school flag
will be flying at half-ass.
Bart!
I know that this is
an especially hard time
for the other classroom pets,
including Mrs. Nibbles,
Shelly the turtle,
Sally Mander, Hamilton Fish
and Willie's chicken.
Willie, where is
your chicken?
It was either him or me!
I see.
Please stand for
Nibbles's final journey.
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
Shh!
Lisa the Veterinarian
Original Air Date on March 6, 201
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
Wow, an
indoor water park.
Hopefully, this will put the
final nail in the coffin
of lakes and rivers.
Well, as a mother, I...
We all know
you're a mother.
As a mother,
I like that wherever I look,
I can see a lifeguard.
I'm finding Nemo!
I saw heaven!
My head!
Mom! Bart got
my hair wet,
and I wasn't ready
to get it wet yet!
Hmm.
I'm afraid you're going
in the kiddie pool.
Oh. I've had baths
that were more exciting. Baths!
Oh, my God, a plastic ring.
Out of my way,
you little twerps!
I want that ring.
Ow!
Hmm.
Hey, uh, do you have
any waterslides
for the gentleman of
leisurely proportions?
Right this way, sir.
This park specializes
in extra-wide
double-reinforced tubing
for the modern American fatso.
Oh, well.
Cola wars veteran
coming through!
Woo-hoo! I'm exercising!
Awesome.
Milhouse, how long
you been waiting in line?
You mean you didn't
use the app last week
to get your Slammin' Salmon
line number?
What are you, Amish?
All right,
time to thin out the herd.
Attention, bathers,
this is water park president
Cal A. Bunga.
Do not panic,
but the pools are infested
with those tiny fish
that swim up your wiener.
Get out of the way!
Again, do not panic.
If you think a wiener fish
has entered your dingus,
the only cure is to roll around
naked in the snow.
Uh, Lou, I need a
big favor from you.
Oh, man. I... They don't train
you for this at the academy.
Well, they should.
Whee! Yes!
Oh, dear God!
Bio breach!
That poor raccoon!
Isn't anyone gonna do anything?
He committed nature's greatest
crime: coming inside.
No heartbeat.
Finally, a chance to use
my online CPR training.
One, two, three, four five.
One, two, three, four, five.
Lisa has a boyfriend!
Lisa has a boyfriend!
Oh, a boyfriend?
And raccoons
are such good providers.
Come on, come on.
You have so much more trash
to eat.
Steal one more breath,
noble bandit.
It worked. I saved you.
My first rescue.
And my first real kiss.
She'd have chosen me if I was
wearing a real bathing suit.
For once, a life saved
at a Springfield water park,
where a quick-thinking
second grader
performed emergency CPR
on a drowning nuisance animal,
while dozens of unheroic
onlookers just stood around.
Where was Channel Six news?
Filming gas pumps
and their ever-changing prices.
Which accomplishes what?
I don't know.
There's eight minutes left.
Uh, did we do gas prices?
Yes!
We saw you
on the picture radio.
They chyroned
your name.
They described you
as "Local Girl."
Hubba, hubba.
They sure got that
right.
Lisa, it looks like you're the
perfect student to look after
Nibbles the hamster here
during spring break.
I'd take him with me,
but I'm doing Jell-O shots
with former students.
This spring break, I'm gonna
go wild with responsibility!
My dad's spending spring break
in a cage, too.
And for saving that raccoon,
I got the opposite of teasing.
I bet the Germans
have a word for it, like, uh,
gerstronkenplatzen
or something.
I wish the Germans had a word
for this terrible traffic.
And so ends the moment
being about me.
What's going on, Chief?
Oh, nasty car crash.
Can't let traffic through
until the cleanup crew
mops up this mess.
Which is a problem,
because they're
stuck in traffic behind you.
Okay, who did that?!
We need to get home.
I left my father-in-law
on the sofa.
He's got to be turned.
Yeah, well,
that ain't gonna happen.
Not unless you clean up
this accident scene.
Actually, seriously,
could you do that?
Hmm, I don't know.
I'm one of those people
who doesn't like
being traumatized
by horrifying sights.
Marge, do you know why
I became a cop?
If you do, could you tell me?
'Cause it's-it's
really dangerous.
B-But these crime scene
cleanups, they're totally safe.
All the bad people are dead
or, uh, at large.
So give it a shot.
Please. Please, Mom.
Huh?
Oh, all right.
There you go.
Spick and span.
Wow, you even made the
homeless guy look nice.
Yeah, still crazy though.
You know, Marge,
uh, you ever want
some fast extra
cash, we are always
looking for crime
scene cleaner-uppers.
You know what they say:
crime always pays.
Plus, you can keep
any money you find,
and any jewelry that
isn't monogrammed.
Hello, little girl.
Oh, does your hamster
have Tyzzer's disease?
That would've
been interesting,
but I swabbed him for Tyzzer's
and it came up negative.
My. You certainly
know a lot about animals.
That's just it, I do.
I saved a raccoon's
life the other day.
It was the best
feeling I've ever had.
Is there any way I could
work in your office?
I mean, as an
intern or anything?
Oh, do you know how many people
walk in here every day
looking for just such a thing?
A lot, I bet.
No, it's never happened.
Grab a clean smock
and follow me.
Oh, okay!
I can't find a clean smock.
Then your first job is
to clean the smocks.
I'm ready, Dr. Budgie.
Oh, it's a shame to ruin
such a clean smock,
but, uh, let's go.
Hmm.
This is heaven.
You got to help me, Doc.
My pet ferret
has lost its terrible stink!
Well, that won't do.
Let me have a go
at jump-starting
the old stink gland.
Lisa, my dear,
can you restrain the ferret?
It would be my honor.
Clear!
We have stink lines!
Well done, Lisa.
Heaven!
Ew.
All right,
Veggie Kibble for Daisy here.
Chairman Meow
is having surgery tomorrow,
so only liquid for you.
And no more food for you,
Mr. Snake,
until you finish
shedding your skin.
Oh. You have.
Dr. Budgie, I'm really enjoying
cleaning out these cages.
No, really, I am, but are there
any jobs that are more exciting?
Absolutely.
You can hobble
these crickets.
We have a hungry chameleon
who's slowing down with age,
but he still loves
the thrill of the hunt.
Mm.
Anything more life or deathy?
I could take
the animals' temperature.
I know what that means,
and I am up for it.
Oh, Lisa, slow down.
Do you know how many awkward
courses I had to take
before they let me put
my arm inside a horse?
I understand.
I just feel like
I could be doing more.
Oh, you remind me
of a certain young man
growing up in
Stratfordshire-on-Corningwell.
He, too, was impatient.
Always thinking
he could do more.
Was that you?
No. If that was me,
I would have said "me."
This eager beaver
had to leave veterinary school
and become-- ugh--
a people doctor.
Ooh.
And with the 27th pick
of the 14th round
of the NHL draft,
the Phoenix Coyotes select...
Lubochuck, Lubochuck,
Lubochuck, Lubochuck.
...Cédric Bélanger.
But Lubochuck.
Homie, I think
we need a new ceiling fan.
The old one
doesn't seem safe.
It's fine. And it saves us
money on haircuts.
Not bad, but I miss
the social aspects
of the barbershop.
The St. Louis Blues
are now on the clock.
Lubochuck, Lubochuck,
Lubochuck, Lubochuck.
Hmm.
Springfield PD.
PD... police department!
Ha! I just got that.
Chief, Chief,
this is Marge Simpson.
I think I'd like to do some of
those crime scene cleanups.
Oh, great, great.
Hey, I got a job for you
right here.
Uh, murder-suicide.
Or possibly a suicide-murder.
Just bring a mop
and your imagination.
Hey, it can't be worse
than what I've seen.
Homer, I told you not to eat
chili out of the colander!
Uh, it's pronounced
"calendar."
What's the matter, little guy?
You haven't touched
your berries.
Do you need aphids for flavor?
Mmm. Aphids.
Lisa, could you
come here for a moment?
At last.
I'm trying to give this
Saint Bernard a shot,
but my hands are
a little shaky.
I had an extra gallon
of tea for lunch.
Oh, my.
If I hold him,
do you think
you could attend to the
matter of the needle?
Of course!
Mm.
Careful, careful.
A single millimeter
either way
would not make much
of a difference.
Huh. Why am I not feeling
the same rush I did
with the raccoon?
There it is!
Be careful, Mrs. S.
I've never seen an angel-dust-
for-guns swap go so wrong.
Hey, a mess is a mess.
Huh?
Let me start with this
filthy crime scene tape.
Yarr, is the
doctor in, miss?
Little Goldie here is
listing hard to starboard.
I fear he may have tangled
with the wrong plastic diver.
Hmm. Could be fin rot.
Oh, no, not the
big F. Arr!
Do what you must.
I'll say my good-byes.
You were more wife to me
than any woman I ever knew.
Captain, the diagnosis
of fin rot
is not the death sentence
it used to be.
A couple drops of medicine
in the water, and he'll be fine.
Hmm.
Yarr, that's amazing!
Eh, I've just got one
more little problem.
He, uh...
he ate me car keys. Yarr.
Hurry, Doc! His lungs
are full of seltzer!
Homie?
Notice anything?
Um, are you having an affair?
What? No.
I bought
a new ceiling fan. Huh?
Ooh, I thought the air
felt a little more lively.
But where did you
get the money?
Actually, I made a little extra
by cleaning up crime scenes.
What? Poor Marge.
I heard
that can really mess you...
Oh, baby,
that cool air is sweet!
...up.
Are you sure you're not
living a waking nightmare?
No. Not one little bit.
And I get the police discount
on cleaning supplies.
I can finally clean
Grampa's dentures.
Yeah, I got popcorn in there
from Kramer vs. Kramer.
I was rooting
for Kramer,
but was dismayed when
Kramer finally won.
That's a twist I
didn't see Kramer.
Happy birthday, Martin.
Where's the gift table?
Right over there, my friend.
Haw-haw!
Some zoo.
Where are the rental strollers?
Actually, it's
not so bad.
The animals are healthy.
A couple of paddock scrapes,
but nothing overly concerning.
Oh, knock it off.
You're not a vet.
You're a glorified
cage scrubber.
Dr. Budgie
depends upon me!
I have felt the cold breath
of kennel cough in my face.
I have seen tabbies that
were more tick than cat.
I know why the
caged dog scoots.
So when your lizard
loses its tail,
you're gonna need me to tell
you it's gonna grow back.
Want some peanuts,
Mr. Elephant?
Uh, it's a goat,
not an elephant,
and those are shrimp,
not peanuts.
And that goat is
allergic to shrimp!
Your breath smells like
"don't drink that."
Milhouse, give me your EpiPen!
You're not
a professional.
I am a self-selected
unpaid veterinary intern.
Now let me
practice my craft!
Hey, he's as
good as new.
Look at him play
with the kids!
See, Bart?
Life or death.
I make the choice.
Okay, time to
cut the cake.
That's my patient.
Guess what, sweetie.
I'm wearing
my snuggle socks.
They're compression socks
from your heart surgery.
All the same...
I'm not in the mood.
What?!
You've never said that before!
I've thought it
three times.
Each time was after a
burrito-eating contest.
But I won!
What's wrong?
It's just that seeing
you, lying down,
reminds me of this bloated
corpse I had to clean up today.
Hey, I look damn good for
someone who eats the crap I do.
Maybe we should
just go to sleep.
I wasn't done
with my drink.
Would you like
my itty-bitty booze light?
I've never seen him like this.
He's so listless.
Who's lost the urge
to kill?
Who's lost
the urge to kill?
I'll tell you what's
wrong with him: you.
What? Me?!
This dog is badly
behind on his shots.
He's displaying the symptoms
of early onset parvo.
I'm confiscating
your dog.
And, you, get out!
Smithers, I've
been shamed.
Prepare a thimble of ice cream.
Some people don't
deserve to own pets.
And you get to decide who?
Don't fold your
arms at me.
Lis, look at yourself.
You've become so arrogant,
you've forgotten who you are.
And even worse,
you've forgotten Nibbles!
Nibbles!
My pet! My responsibility!
My homework!
Matted hair, dry tongue...
Is this true, Lisa?
Did you let this happen
to a creature in your care?
I'm so sorry.
I'm so, so sorry.
Pet hamsters need to be
played with regularly,
or they feel abandoned.
And that can lead to
stress polyps on the heart.
The heart is the
seat of love, Lisa.
If you'd gone to veterinary
school, you'd know that.
I've got no choice
but to operate.
And I need your help.
You still want me to help you
after I was so arrogant?
Lisa, arrogance is
what made the British Empire.
Then lost it.
Then pretended it didn't happen.
Well, we've done
all we can.
The next 24 hours
will be crucial.
Oh, he's gone.
No, no, no.
He can't be dead!
He can't!
I thought we could save every
animal if we just cared enough.
Okay, Marge,
sweetie, look at this one.
See, Marge? The baby laughs
every time the toaster pops.
It is pretty hysterical.
That's nice.
Nice? Something in you
is dead, Marge,
and that's one crime scene
you can't clean up.
And all for a fan.
A stupid ceiling fan that...
Oh, man, that's refreshing.
I want my Marge back.
Hello? What is it, boy?
Uh-huh. I see.
Fine, Marge.
You sit here, watch your
boob tube, have a beer.
That's not how Homer Simpson
does things.
I have to go help Lisa!
Lisa?
Wait! Wait, I'm
coming with you.
No answer.
I guess we got to
do this ourselves.
Oh, geez.
All right, get some
paper towels, boys.
Lisa.
Oh, Mom, he trusted me
as only a hamster can!
If there's one thing
I'll always clean up,
it's my baby's tears.
Oh, I should've been
here for you.
You would've never let
anything happen to him.
I was too busy
being dead inside...
Wherever he went,
I hope they have hamster balls.
...doing I don't
know what!
But I'm here now,
and I'll never leave.
Well, I'll be.
Lisa's learning about death
helped Marge feel again.
Yes, a perfect
dovetail.
Thank you for curing
Walter Pigeon here.
I can't afford to pay
you, but I can give you
front row seats
to my magic show.
The theme is boxing.
Sounds marvelous.
Oh, yeah, no.
Come on, it is.
I want to thank everyone
for coming to
Nibbles's funeral today.
This is President
Cal A. Bunga.
On this sad occasion,
the school flag
will be flying at half-ass.
Bart!
I know that this is
an especially hard time
for the other classroom pets,
including Mrs. Nibbles,
Shelly the turtle,
Sally Mander, Hamilton Fish
and Willie's chicken.
Willie, where is
your chicken?
It was either him or me!
I see.
Please stand for
Nibbles's final journey.
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
Shh!