The Simpsons (1989–…): Season 26, Episode 22 - Mathlete's Feat - full transcript
Lisa joins a maths quiz team, who fare poorly against rivals who have superior technology. So Springfield goes totally digital, burning paper books . Unfortunately a meltdown means the entire system crashes but using decidedly old-fashioned methods Lisa builds up the quiz team and, with unlikely help from Bart, takes it to victory.
♪ The Simpsons 26x22 ♪
Mathlete's Feat
Original Air Date on May 17, 2015
(grunts)
D'oh!
(grunts)
(all scream)
Oh, my God, Morty,
what did you do?
You killed the Simpsons, Morty!
Oh, my God, no!
No, I-I-I-I didn't mean to! This is
horrible! I killed the Simpsons!
Oh, no, no! God, look at the baby one!
Oh, my God, Morty!
You killed the entire
Simpsons, Morty!
They're a beloved
(belches) family, Morty!
They're-they're-they're-they're
a national treasure.
And you killed them.
I-I-I-I'm just a kid!
I'm just a kid!
I don't want to go to jail!
Relax, Morty, calm down.
We'll take care of it.
Okay, I want you to take
that vial of Simpsons' goo
and this picture to this address.
They'll make us new Simpsons...
you understand me, Morty?
Me?! W-W-What are you gonna do?
Morty, I got to clean this place up before
somebody comes snooping around.
You know how many characters there
are in The Simpsons, Morty?
There's, like, a billion
(belches) chara... characters.
They did an episode where
George Bush was their neighbor.
All right, can't
argue with that.
(spits)
(speaking in native tongue)
Hi-diddly-ho, neighbor!
Looks like you got
a spaceship in your...
Who are you?
Rick, I'm back!
Wake up! Wake up!
Geez, it's about time, Morty.
Give me those.
(grunting, moaning)
Huh, wow. Hey, Morty, a little tip.
(belches)
Don't clean DNA vials
with your spit!
Let's go.
I'm driving this time.
(Marge grumbles)
Aw, no more guest
animators, man!
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
WEB-DL sync by jasonnguyen2606
Okay, children. I think it's safe
now to put on your math T-shirts.
Wait here.
(grunts)
Nerd!
Model U.N.,
and step on it!
Ha-ha!
(laughing)
Very good.
That is really... Oh!
Dog in box.
Genius.
All right, let's meet our two
teams of Mathletes, shall we?
First, the Springfield
Elementary Action Fractions!
They rhyme and they...
(groans)
And, uh, from the right side of the
tracks, the Waverly Hills Elementary
No Equals.
They're spoiled and rich.
Yo! What did the right angle
say to the wider angle?
Well, not knowing these fellows,
I-I couldn't say.
You're obtuse!
(all laughing)
(groans)
Now, let's welcome our celebrity guests,
former winners of this very contest
and current high-flying...
yes, you heard me...
I said high-flying, high flying...
tech entrepreneurs!
Gary, Doug and Benjamin,
who invented Whereditgo.
That's an app that finds
the other apps on your phone.
Enables you to glayvin with
your friends' mobile hoyvin.
One year ago, we were dateless nerds
living in our mothers' basements.
Now the basement we live in
is in a giant mansion.
Yeah!
Yeah!
And we own some kind
of sports team.
(laughs)
All right, calm down,
just calm down.
Now, here to support these fine student
scholars is the man who loves math...
Math?!
I thought you said "meth"!
Drug reference!
Uh, seriously,
what am I here for?
Nobody told you?
They send a limo, I get in.
It takes me somewhere.
Then I watch the news later
to see what I did.
(crowd cheers and applauds)
What a nightmare.
That's fair enough.
Boo-hayvin!
The teams have created introductory
videos about themselves.
Let's watch them,
shall we, with our eyes?
NARRATOR: Springfield Elementary
was originally designed
as a storage facility for salt pork.
At some later point,
it was turned into a school.
CHALMERS:
Chalmskinn.
On hot days, pork grease
still comes out of the walls.
Oh, quit your whining.
FRINK:
And now, Waverly Hills.
Hi, I'm movie genius
Michael Bay.
I used to be all like, "Math?
Who needs that noise,
am I right?"
But I wasn't right.
The Waverly Hills math team
made me realize
that quadratic equations are
hotter than a million Megan Foxes.
Math on!
Yo, Waverly Hills!
You guys rock!
Like my friend The Rock!
I know his real first name!
It's Dwayne!
I win Hollywood!
Celebrate now,
you stuck-up snobs.
(cheering)
But our plucky little school is
going to surprise you.
We will surprise you all!
(cheering) Well, Lisa, we
didn't score a single point.
That was surprising.
(crying)
Oh, you'll get them
next time, honey.
No! No, we won't!
That school is so rich!
Every kid has a laptop!
Her crying is sadder than a child
actor "Where are they now?" story.
LISA:
It's true.
As graduates of Springfield
Elementary, we want to give back.
We're going to buy every
student a tablet computer
and upgrade your entire school
with the latest cloud-based technology.
Here's a check.
Take this check.
NARRATOR:
The first black president...
is decades away
from being a reality.
Come back
with my fall semester!
We don't need filmstrips like
Life in These 48 States anymore,
because our school is
going all digital!
(grunts)
GROUNDSKEEPER WILLIE:
Ow, damn it!
The teachers union
won't stand for this.
It means less
work for you.
I didn't know it was
possible to do less work.
How intriguing.
♪ He said I've been
to the year 3000 ♪
♪ Not much has changed ♪
♪ Not much has changed ♪
♪ But they lived underwater ♪
♪ Underwater ♪
♪ And your great-great-great
granddaughter ♪
♪ Is pretty fine ♪
♪ Is pretty
fine ♪
♪ I took a trip
to the year 3000 ♪
♪ This song had gone
multiplatinum ♪
♪ Everybody bought
our seventh album... ♪
And if we're ever invaded,
just click this.
♪ I took a trip
to the year 3000 ♪
♪ This song had gone
multiplatinum ♪
♪ Everybody bought
our seventh album. ♪
Oh, it's wonderful. We can finally
afford attractive teachers.
(groans) I was the only one here
who understood osmosis.
Spare me, ug-o.
(groans)
Willie, since all our
books have been digitized,
we have no need for the
paper versions... burn these.
Wouldn't it be easier
just to toss them out?
Nonsense! We now have this
state-of-the-art digital book burner. Hmm.
(laughs) Listen to her hum.
What's that?!
We didn't want to leave you
out of the digital revolution.
Willie, meet your
new supervisor.
Aw, I have to take orders
from a machine?
Oh, it can't speak.
But should it ever learn, yes.
("Star Spangled Banner" playing)
(groans) Will there
ever be a technology
that teaches stupid children
how to ding a dang triangle?!
This school has spent the last
50 years mired in the 1960s.
Let us spend the next 50
mired in now!
(singsongy):
Bo-Ron!
And with this ring, we unite
these ancient warring clans,
who frolic unclothed,
even in winter,
and bring peace to Decapita!
(screams)
Pay cable is awesome!
Who knew they had nipples
in castle times?
You're not supposed to be able
to get outside our network!
You shouldn't have made
your password "password."
Well, it was the name of
the street I grew up on.
Password Drive!
(crackling and buzzing)
Seymour, you plugged the servers in
with surge protectors, didn't you?
Oh, yes, power strips.
You fool. Surge protectors
are always power strips.
But not vice versa!
Was that us?
No, sir.
(chuckles)
I like it when it's not us.
(clock ticking)
Let's see.
Roman numerals.
Photosynthesis.
Uh, Robert E. Lee.
Miss Hoover, are you teaching
or are you just saying anything
that comes into your head?
Miss Hoover, please report
to the main office.
You just did that in your hand!
Ralph Wiggum,
put your head down.
You're the mouth-hand!
All right, class. We don't have computers
and we don't have keyboards.
But that doesn't mean
we can't practice our typing.
Now, put your index fingers
on marshmallows F and J, and...
tap-tap-tap.
Tap-tap-tap.
Tap-tap...
Nelson, stop that!
This is my dinner.
I'm eating steak.
Mmm! Mmm!
Needs sauce.
Great news, children. I found an
educational movie I can play on my phone.
Crowd in...
it's kind of a little phone.
NARRATOR: Mathematics! Agriculture!
Are there two more exciting words?
Since the time of the Romans,
they used scythes to kill each other.
The ancient farmer needed tools
to measure his land.
Ten stick knots right.
Five left.
Hmm.
(humming a tune)
(groans)
Oh, come to mock
ol' Willie, have you?
"Ooh, Willie has to work
in the hot sun all day.
Willie's best friend is
a stick and a string."
I'm not here to mock you.
"Ooh, Willie doesn't know
when someone's being sincere!"
I'm just here to hang out.
What's that device
you're using?
My rummlie scob.
Nothing exciting.
Just a measuring stick dating
back to the ancient druids.
Oh! Could you tell me
how it works?
Each knot marks the length
of a sheep's bladder.
The play field is 75
stomachs by 52 kidneys.
That's 163 square haggises.
Move over, metric system! I'm
learning the gastric system!
Clever.
Uh, good news, sir, I have assembled a
page on "the piglims" at "Rhymouth Pock."
Yes, well, that's
the best we can hope for.
Uh, apply
the transparent tape.
Principal Skin-ner!
Willie has showed me
that losing our technology
doesn't have to be
the end of our learning.
We can turn our school
into a Waldorf school.
You mean like the hotel?
Nope! In elementary school,
Waldorf education focuses
on hands-on activity
and creative play.
In secondary education...
Ah, not our problem.
After sixth grade, it's
good-bye and good luck.
(both chuckling)
Yes, yes, it is.
Well, it sounds good,
but I have one more question.
Is it based on the book where
you find the guy in the hat?
Where's Waldo?
That's not even the name.
I'm surprised you guys didn't
think it was based on the salad.
BOTH:
There's a Waldorf salad?
(groans)
Behold...
Waldorf education in action!
We're getting our hands dirty
and learning by doing.
So I have to make
360 sloppy Joes,
but I only have one pound
of hamburger meat.
How many cubic feet of Styrofoam
peanuts should I add?
Assuming four peanuts per Joe,
37 cubic feet.
Well, you're
a smart little fatso.
It says here that students
don't have to raise their hands.
They should just ask every
question that comes to their mind.
Oh. Why are pine needles pointy?
And, um-um-um, what's the difference
between an asteroid and a meteor?
And, mm... ooh-ooh! Can you shrug
anything other than your shoulders?
(sighs)
Does anyone else have
any questions?
Um, if Mommy's purse didn't belong
in the microwave, why did it fit?
We won't need computers,
we won't need books.
I learned not to drink
out of the crick.
(spits) You mean this
isn't crick water?
My daddy raised me and all my 11
dead siblings on crick water!
Huh, everyone wears a hat.
Sun hats in the summer,
wool hats in the winter.
Ooh, look at this. Weekly
Friday night parents' meetings.
Oh... Wait.
There might be a safety hatch.
Does the apostrophe come before
or after the "S" on "parents"?
After, which means both parents.
(groaning)
Well, I'm not wearing a hat.
People might think I'm bald.
(Homer grunting)
Before we share announcements and
see the results of grade three's
dance study of willows
and drooping trees,
we greet the day
with a school song.
Now I have to sing a song?!
Why did those idiots mix up power
strips and surge protectors?
♪ Every single living creature ♪
♪ Every cat and every flea ♪
♪ All things
with a facial feature ♪
♪ Have the right
to smile at me ♪
♪ Every family is a unit ♪
♪ Sometimes yelling,
sometimes mad ♪
♪ Divorced or gay
or even foster ♪
♪ Even Billy with three dads. ♪
I feel like Beethoven when Charles
Grodin finally accepted him as his dog.
This school is so great now.
Kids learn by doing.
If it's so great, why aren't you
helping your kids do their homework?
Bart's here doing it
right now.
No, no, no!
Not two-thirds, one-half!
Now that's one-third each.
Now you're learning!
(laughs)
Enjoy.
One earthworm...
Gah!
Two halves.
ALL:
Wow!
Willie! Willie! They want you
to coach our school math team!
I'll have to check
with my supervisor.
(dings twice)
Good to go!
So, if Willie gets paid three cents
per square foot for seeding,
and if the field is 2,500 square feet,
what is Willie getting?
I'd say "screwed."
(groans)
You're right!
You! Chalmers!
Aah!
Uh-oh.
(tires screech)
Come back here,
you Willie-chiseling cheat!
(grunting)
(tires screeching)
(horn honking)
Hey, who threw that egg at a
most efficient 45-degree angle?
It was me, sir.
Kids, meet your new
math team captain.
It's about time.
But I'm the captain.
Not anymore.
I can't see.
I can't see.
Welcome to
the long-anticipated rematch
between Waverly Hills
and Springfield.
(crowd cheering)
(grunting)
Um, can you tell me which
college I should go to?
(stammers)
It's not a sorting hat!
Please! Early applications
are due next week!
All right.
Uh, Miami of Ohio.
(groans)
Okay.
Our first question is a toss-up.
"What is the least common
multiple of six, eight and 16?"
48!
Is correct!
(all gasp)
Whoa! No one said
there'd be math!
We said there'd be
nothing but math!
And you're
the math team captain!
I thought I wouldn't
have to do anything.
You know, like an Italian
cruise ship captain.
You're lucky that captain's not here
right now to answer your insult!
He'd crash a ship
right into your house!
Aah!
("Pi" by Kate Bush playing)
♪ Oh, he love,
he love, he love ♪
♪ He does love his numbers ♪
♪ And they run, they run ♪
♪ They run him in
a great big circle ♪
♪ In a circle of infinity ♪
ESPN isn't covering this.
D'oh!
♪ Point one, four ♪
♪ One, five, nine ♪
♪ Two, six, five, three, five ♪
♪ Eight, nine, seven, nine ♪
♪ Three, two. ♪
And so, with the score
knotted at 29-all,
it comes down
to one last question.
Drawing three straight lines,
construct nine non-overlapping...
that's non-overlapping, not overlapping,
but non-overlapping... triangles.
HOMER:
Huh? Ooh.
(chuckles)
I have the answer!
(all gasp)
As someone whose dad's hair is
made of Ms, it's child's play.
Oh, not this again.
Whoo-hoo! I'm a solution!
The Action Fractions win!
(all cheering)
You guys might be richer
and better looking,
but we won a contest
to even the series!
(all cheering)
Mm, that'll look great
in our trophy case.
Willie, build a trophy case.
Aye, sir.
But you know what we should
really thank for our success?
Lower standards!
ALL:
Lower standards!
Aye.
You're wonderful, Willie.
You and the ancient Scottish scientist
that invented the rummlie scob.
Well, the truth is, it
wasn't invented for science.
Really?
Then what for?
Oh, it was used for
hanging sheep stealers!
The wee knots kept them alive longer
to make the punishment more cruel.
(shudders) Maybe I don't want
to know these things.
Can you say something
nice about Scotland?
Well, sometimes the fog comes in
and covers everything terrible.
Very atmospheric.
Oh.
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
WEB-DL sync by jasonnguyen2606
Shh!
Mathlete's Feat
Original Air Date on May 17, 2015
(grunts)
D'oh!
(grunts)
(all scream)
Oh, my God, Morty,
what did you do?
You killed the Simpsons, Morty!
Oh, my God, no!
No, I-I-I-I didn't mean to! This is
horrible! I killed the Simpsons!
Oh, no, no! God, look at the baby one!
Oh, my God, Morty!
You killed the entire
Simpsons, Morty!
They're a beloved
(belches) family, Morty!
They're-they're-they're-they're
a national treasure.
And you killed them.
I-I-I-I'm just a kid!
I'm just a kid!
I don't want to go to jail!
Relax, Morty, calm down.
We'll take care of it.
Okay, I want you to take
that vial of Simpsons' goo
and this picture to this address.
They'll make us new Simpsons...
you understand me, Morty?
Me?! W-W-What are you gonna do?
Morty, I got to clean this place up before
somebody comes snooping around.
You know how many characters there
are in The Simpsons, Morty?
There's, like, a billion
(belches) chara... characters.
They did an episode where
George Bush was their neighbor.
All right, can't
argue with that.
(spits)
(speaking in native tongue)
Hi-diddly-ho, neighbor!
Looks like you got
a spaceship in your...
Who are you?
Rick, I'm back!
Wake up! Wake up!
Geez, it's about time, Morty.
Give me those.
(grunting, moaning)
Huh, wow. Hey, Morty, a little tip.
(belches)
Don't clean DNA vials
with your spit!
Let's go.
I'm driving this time.
(Marge grumbles)
Aw, no more guest
animators, man!
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
WEB-DL sync by jasonnguyen2606
Okay, children. I think it's safe
now to put on your math T-shirts.
Wait here.
(grunts)
Nerd!
Model U.N.,
and step on it!
Ha-ha!
(laughing)
Very good.
That is really... Oh!
Dog in box.
Genius.
All right, let's meet our two
teams of Mathletes, shall we?
First, the Springfield
Elementary Action Fractions!
They rhyme and they...
(groans)
And, uh, from the right side of the
tracks, the Waverly Hills Elementary
No Equals.
They're spoiled and rich.
Yo! What did the right angle
say to the wider angle?
Well, not knowing these fellows,
I-I couldn't say.
You're obtuse!
(all laughing)
(groans)
Now, let's welcome our celebrity guests,
former winners of this very contest
and current high-flying...
yes, you heard me...
I said high-flying, high flying...
tech entrepreneurs!
Gary, Doug and Benjamin,
who invented Whereditgo.
That's an app that finds
the other apps on your phone.
Enables you to glayvin with
your friends' mobile hoyvin.
One year ago, we were dateless nerds
living in our mothers' basements.
Now the basement we live in
is in a giant mansion.
Yeah!
Yeah!
And we own some kind
of sports team.
(laughs)
All right, calm down,
just calm down.
Now, here to support these fine student
scholars is the man who loves math...
Math?!
I thought you said "meth"!
Drug reference!
Uh, seriously,
what am I here for?
Nobody told you?
They send a limo, I get in.
It takes me somewhere.
Then I watch the news later
to see what I did.
(crowd cheers and applauds)
What a nightmare.
That's fair enough.
Boo-hayvin!
The teams have created introductory
videos about themselves.
Let's watch them,
shall we, with our eyes?
NARRATOR: Springfield Elementary
was originally designed
as a storage facility for salt pork.
At some later point,
it was turned into a school.
CHALMERS:
Chalmskinn.
On hot days, pork grease
still comes out of the walls.
Oh, quit your whining.
FRINK:
And now, Waverly Hills.
Hi, I'm movie genius
Michael Bay.
I used to be all like, "Math?
Who needs that noise,
am I right?"
But I wasn't right.
The Waverly Hills math team
made me realize
that quadratic equations are
hotter than a million Megan Foxes.
Math on!
Yo, Waverly Hills!
You guys rock!
Like my friend The Rock!
I know his real first name!
It's Dwayne!
I win Hollywood!
Celebrate now,
you stuck-up snobs.
(cheering)
But our plucky little school is
going to surprise you.
We will surprise you all!
(cheering) Well, Lisa, we
didn't score a single point.
That was surprising.
(crying)
Oh, you'll get them
next time, honey.
No! No, we won't!
That school is so rich!
Every kid has a laptop!
Her crying is sadder than a child
actor "Where are they now?" story.
LISA:
It's true.
As graduates of Springfield
Elementary, we want to give back.
We're going to buy every
student a tablet computer
and upgrade your entire school
with the latest cloud-based technology.
Here's a check.
Take this check.
NARRATOR:
The first black president...
is decades away
from being a reality.
Come back
with my fall semester!
We don't need filmstrips like
Life in These 48 States anymore,
because our school is
going all digital!
(grunts)
GROUNDSKEEPER WILLIE:
Ow, damn it!
The teachers union
won't stand for this.
It means less
work for you.
I didn't know it was
possible to do less work.
How intriguing.
♪ He said I've been
to the year 3000 ♪
♪ Not much has changed ♪
♪ Not much has changed ♪
♪ But they lived underwater ♪
♪ Underwater ♪
♪ And your great-great-great
granddaughter ♪
♪ Is pretty fine ♪
♪ Is pretty
fine ♪
♪ I took a trip
to the year 3000 ♪
♪ This song had gone
multiplatinum ♪
♪ Everybody bought
our seventh album... ♪
And if we're ever invaded,
just click this.
♪ I took a trip
to the year 3000 ♪
♪ This song had gone
multiplatinum ♪
♪ Everybody bought
our seventh album. ♪
Oh, it's wonderful. We can finally
afford attractive teachers.
(groans) I was the only one here
who understood osmosis.
Spare me, ug-o.
(groans)
Willie, since all our
books have been digitized,
we have no need for the
paper versions... burn these.
Wouldn't it be easier
just to toss them out?
Nonsense! We now have this
state-of-the-art digital book burner. Hmm.
(laughs) Listen to her hum.
What's that?!
We didn't want to leave you
out of the digital revolution.
Willie, meet your
new supervisor.
Aw, I have to take orders
from a machine?
Oh, it can't speak.
But should it ever learn, yes.
("Star Spangled Banner" playing)
(groans) Will there
ever be a technology
that teaches stupid children
how to ding a dang triangle?!
This school has spent the last
50 years mired in the 1960s.
Let us spend the next 50
mired in now!
(singsongy):
Bo-Ron!
And with this ring, we unite
these ancient warring clans,
who frolic unclothed,
even in winter,
and bring peace to Decapita!
(screams)
Pay cable is awesome!
Who knew they had nipples
in castle times?
You're not supposed to be able
to get outside our network!
You shouldn't have made
your password "password."
Well, it was the name of
the street I grew up on.
Password Drive!
(crackling and buzzing)
Seymour, you plugged the servers in
with surge protectors, didn't you?
Oh, yes, power strips.
You fool. Surge protectors
are always power strips.
But not vice versa!
Was that us?
No, sir.
(chuckles)
I like it when it's not us.
(clock ticking)
Let's see.
Roman numerals.
Photosynthesis.
Uh, Robert E. Lee.
Miss Hoover, are you teaching
or are you just saying anything
that comes into your head?
Miss Hoover, please report
to the main office.
You just did that in your hand!
Ralph Wiggum,
put your head down.
You're the mouth-hand!
All right, class. We don't have computers
and we don't have keyboards.
But that doesn't mean
we can't practice our typing.
Now, put your index fingers
on marshmallows F and J, and...
tap-tap-tap.
Tap-tap-tap.
Tap-tap...
Nelson, stop that!
This is my dinner.
I'm eating steak.
Mmm! Mmm!
Needs sauce.
Great news, children. I found an
educational movie I can play on my phone.
Crowd in...
it's kind of a little phone.
NARRATOR: Mathematics! Agriculture!
Are there two more exciting words?
Since the time of the Romans,
they used scythes to kill each other.
The ancient farmer needed tools
to measure his land.
Ten stick knots right.
Five left.
Hmm.
(humming a tune)
(groans)
Oh, come to mock
ol' Willie, have you?
"Ooh, Willie has to work
in the hot sun all day.
Willie's best friend is
a stick and a string."
I'm not here to mock you.
"Ooh, Willie doesn't know
when someone's being sincere!"
I'm just here to hang out.
What's that device
you're using?
My rummlie scob.
Nothing exciting.
Just a measuring stick dating
back to the ancient druids.
Oh! Could you tell me
how it works?
Each knot marks the length
of a sheep's bladder.
The play field is 75
stomachs by 52 kidneys.
That's 163 square haggises.
Move over, metric system! I'm
learning the gastric system!
Clever.
Uh, good news, sir, I have assembled a
page on "the piglims" at "Rhymouth Pock."
Yes, well, that's
the best we can hope for.
Uh, apply
the transparent tape.
Principal Skin-ner!
Willie has showed me
that losing our technology
doesn't have to be
the end of our learning.
We can turn our school
into a Waldorf school.
You mean like the hotel?
Nope! In elementary school,
Waldorf education focuses
on hands-on activity
and creative play.
In secondary education...
Ah, not our problem.
After sixth grade, it's
good-bye and good luck.
(both chuckling)
Yes, yes, it is.
Well, it sounds good,
but I have one more question.
Is it based on the book where
you find the guy in the hat?
Where's Waldo?
That's not even the name.
I'm surprised you guys didn't
think it was based on the salad.
BOTH:
There's a Waldorf salad?
(groans)
Behold...
Waldorf education in action!
We're getting our hands dirty
and learning by doing.
So I have to make
360 sloppy Joes,
but I only have one pound
of hamburger meat.
How many cubic feet of Styrofoam
peanuts should I add?
Assuming four peanuts per Joe,
37 cubic feet.
Well, you're
a smart little fatso.
It says here that students
don't have to raise their hands.
They should just ask every
question that comes to their mind.
Oh. Why are pine needles pointy?
And, um-um-um, what's the difference
between an asteroid and a meteor?
And, mm... ooh-ooh! Can you shrug
anything other than your shoulders?
(sighs)
Does anyone else have
any questions?
Um, if Mommy's purse didn't belong
in the microwave, why did it fit?
We won't need computers,
we won't need books.
I learned not to drink
out of the crick.
(spits) You mean this
isn't crick water?
My daddy raised me and all my 11
dead siblings on crick water!
Huh, everyone wears a hat.
Sun hats in the summer,
wool hats in the winter.
Ooh, look at this. Weekly
Friday night parents' meetings.
Oh... Wait.
There might be a safety hatch.
Does the apostrophe come before
or after the "S" on "parents"?
After, which means both parents.
(groaning)
Well, I'm not wearing a hat.
People might think I'm bald.
(Homer grunting)
Before we share announcements and
see the results of grade three's
dance study of willows
and drooping trees,
we greet the day
with a school song.
Now I have to sing a song?!
Why did those idiots mix up power
strips and surge protectors?
♪ Every single living creature ♪
♪ Every cat and every flea ♪
♪ All things
with a facial feature ♪
♪ Have the right
to smile at me ♪
♪ Every family is a unit ♪
♪ Sometimes yelling,
sometimes mad ♪
♪ Divorced or gay
or even foster ♪
♪ Even Billy with three dads. ♪
I feel like Beethoven when Charles
Grodin finally accepted him as his dog.
This school is so great now.
Kids learn by doing.
If it's so great, why aren't you
helping your kids do their homework?
Bart's here doing it
right now.
No, no, no!
Not two-thirds, one-half!
Now that's one-third each.
Now you're learning!
(laughs)
Enjoy.
One earthworm...
Gah!
Two halves.
ALL:
Wow!
Willie! Willie! They want you
to coach our school math team!
I'll have to check
with my supervisor.
(dings twice)
Good to go!
So, if Willie gets paid three cents
per square foot for seeding,
and if the field is 2,500 square feet,
what is Willie getting?
I'd say "screwed."
(groans)
You're right!
You! Chalmers!
Aah!
Uh-oh.
(tires screech)
Come back here,
you Willie-chiseling cheat!
(grunting)
(tires screeching)
(horn honking)
Hey, who threw that egg at a
most efficient 45-degree angle?
It was me, sir.
Kids, meet your new
math team captain.
It's about time.
But I'm the captain.
Not anymore.
I can't see.
I can't see.
Welcome to
the long-anticipated rematch
between Waverly Hills
and Springfield.
(crowd cheering)
(grunting)
Um, can you tell me which
college I should go to?
(stammers)
It's not a sorting hat!
Please! Early applications
are due next week!
All right.
Uh, Miami of Ohio.
(groans)
Okay.
Our first question is a toss-up.
"What is the least common
multiple of six, eight and 16?"
48!
Is correct!
(all gasp)
Whoa! No one said
there'd be math!
We said there'd be
nothing but math!
And you're
the math team captain!
I thought I wouldn't
have to do anything.
You know, like an Italian
cruise ship captain.
You're lucky that captain's not here
right now to answer your insult!
He'd crash a ship
right into your house!
Aah!
("Pi" by Kate Bush playing)
♪ Oh, he love,
he love, he love ♪
♪ He does love his numbers ♪
♪ And they run, they run ♪
♪ They run him in
a great big circle ♪
♪ In a circle of infinity ♪
ESPN isn't covering this.
D'oh!
♪ Point one, four ♪
♪ One, five, nine ♪
♪ Two, six, five, three, five ♪
♪ Eight, nine, seven, nine ♪
♪ Three, two. ♪
And so, with the score
knotted at 29-all,
it comes down
to one last question.
Drawing three straight lines,
construct nine non-overlapping...
that's non-overlapping, not overlapping,
but non-overlapping... triangles.
HOMER:
Huh? Ooh.
(chuckles)
I have the answer!
(all gasp)
As someone whose dad's hair is
made of Ms, it's child's play.
Oh, not this again.
Whoo-hoo! I'm a solution!
The Action Fractions win!
(all cheering)
You guys might be richer
and better looking,
but we won a contest
to even the series!
(all cheering)
Mm, that'll look great
in our trophy case.
Willie, build a trophy case.
Aye, sir.
But you know what we should
really thank for our success?
Lower standards!
ALL:
Lower standards!
Aye.
You're wonderful, Willie.
You and the ancient Scottish scientist
that invented the rummlie scob.
Well, the truth is, it
wasn't invented for science.
Really?
Then what for?
Oh, it was used for
hanging sheep stealers!
The wee knots kept them alive longer
to make the punishment more cruel.
(shudders) Maybe I don't want
to know these things.
Can you say something
nice about Scotland?
Well, sometimes the fog comes in
and covers everything terrible.
Very atmospheric.
Oh.
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
WEB-DL sync by jasonnguyen2606
Shh!