The Simpsons (1989–…): Season 26, Episode 10 - The Man Who Came to Be Dinner - full transcript
An amusement park ride takes the Simpsons to the home planet of Kang and Kodos.
Whoa!
(tires screeching)
D'oh!
(tires screeching)
(grunts)
(piano playing softly)
(static, explosion)
And in other news...
(all sigh happily)
BOTH:
Are we there yet?
Are we there yet?
No.
Are we there yet?
No!
Are we there yet?
I said no!
Are we there yet?
What's wrong with your ears?
Are we there yet?
Look out the window!
Are we there yet?
We're not there!
Are we there yet?
Are we there yet?
Okay.
We're there. Finally.
Are we there yet?
Huh?
Are we there yet?
Are we there yet?
Are we there yet?
Damn technology!
Are we there yet?
Turn it off!
We did.
This is us.
Are we there yet?
Are we there yet?
(anguished scream)
(laughter)
HOMER:
Ooh, a spot.
Okay, remember we're parked
in the "Ethnic Princess"
section.
(horn honking)
HOMER:
Don't worry,
this time I'm gonna write down
where I parked.
(crowd shouting)
(screams)
Look! I see land!
(cheering)
Mama!
We made it!
Mama?
No!
You planted that on me, man!
(screaming)
Sorry. No outside pacifiers.
Fine, but I'm not paying
for the insurance.
Oh, what the hell?
Give me the insurance.
(sizzles)
Come on, Maggie.
The first ride we go on
will be for you.
ROOFI:
♪ Riding on a bug
♪ Riding on a bug
♪ You'd rather be in school
♪ Than riding on a bug
♪ Riding on a bug
♪ Riding
on a bug ♪
♪ You'd rather be in school
Bug be damned! (gasps)
♪ Than riding on a bug
Ay, caramba!
♪ Don't get off the bug
♪ Don't get off
the bug ♪
♪ Certain death awaits
♪ If you get off the bug
(ripping)
♪ Welcome to the bug,
welcome to... ♪
(groans)
(groaning)
(gun clicks)
(heroic music plays)
Whoa, this place
sure has changed
since Dizznee bought the rights
to Cosmic Wars.
(bluegrass music playing)
BART:
Oh, geez!
(mechanical whirring)
Purchased for
$4 billion, I was.
Yet still hoodie ragged,
wear I do, this.
Pirates of the Caribbean!
Huh?
They revamped this ride
because of massive complaints
from two people.
♪ No means no
♪ We know now
♪ No means no
♪ We know now...
(high-pitched):
Ha-ha!
My cartoons weren't good,
they were just first!
ALL:
Ooh!
Not enough ketchup.
(groans)
We've been here six hours
and the coolest thing
we've done
is stand in the Cool Zone.
ANNOUNCER: The Cool Zone
is beyond maximum capacity.
Disperse, disperse.
(crowd grumbling)
(screaming)
(sighing happily)
How about that one?
(excited shouting)
(screaming)
Ooh, I don't like
the end sounds on that.
ANNOUNCER: By 1994, we'll have
drive-in theaters on Neptune!
Life magazine will be
400 pages long!
(slowly): And your telegrams
will be delivered
by jetpa...
Well, that's it.
We've visited every section
including Churro County,
Toonton Abbey,
but you know what
we haven't had here?
I'll tell you:
fun. The kind of fun
attractive families have
in commercials.
Hey, Dad, I see a ride
that actually looks decent.
I just want to sit down,
but the line for the bench
is too long.
No, look, it's a ride that
just opened and no one's there.
Dad, I don't know about this.
It's not on the park map.
Lisa, those maps were drawn
by the first explorers
of this theme park,
hundreds of years ago.
Let's go.
KANG:
Assume a sitting position.
KODOS:
One seat per human.
Come on, start this thing!
I'm not impressed.
This is so fake.
HOMER:
Uh-oh.
ALL:
Ooh!
We've left Earth's atmosphere.
Prove it. (squeals)
BART AND LISA: Are we there yet?
Are we there yet?
Are we there yet?
Welcome, humans.
There is nothing to fear.
I am Kang the Abductor.
What the...?
This isn't Halloween.
Are we truly in space?
And if so, why?
All will be revealed in time,
unsuspecting humans.
Why does the last thing
you say sound so ominous?
It's just the way we speak,
easily reassured fool.
(sighing happily)
Oh!
Yeah, that's good.
We shall now attend
to the complex calculations
of hyperspace.
(chuckling)
Hey, Captain Squid!
If you really want
to be nice to us,
how about some snacks?
Whatever you say
shall materialize.
Potato chips.
("Blue Danube Waltz" playing)
D'oh!
D'oh!
D'oh!
D'oh!
D'oh! D'oh!
D'oh!
D'oh!
Stupid kid,
you ruin every trip!
Hokey Smokes!
I can't survive
in these conditions!
Whoa!
(sighs)
Hmm!
(grunts) Hmm!
(laughs)
Homer, please.
That's creeping me out.
D'oh!
(chuckles) Let me just...
There you are,
just like new,
not a freak of nature.
Wow, look at all these knobs
and buttons.
They are clearly
a superior race.
But maybe that means
they'll be nice to us.
You mean like Europeans were
to the Native Americans?
Or the Belgians were
to the Congo?
That's right.
Pick the only two times
in history
where things got messy.
We have begun our descent
to our home planet.
Please turn off all
portable electronic devices.
Who's gonna stop me?
Perhaps you haven't noticed
the air marshal.
Have your cups lost their suck?
Slipped on some drool?
Larry H. Zeeblezorp
will have you
rolling in space credits.
Wow. This place
is completely alien,
but everything's in English.
Just like Canada.
Can I turn my phone on?
KODOS:
Not yet.
Now what?
I say we take
this bucket home!
To Earth!
(engine not starting)
Come on.
Come on, you son of a...
Thanks for flooding it.
(engine not starting)
(groans)
Take these pills,
and you can breathe
our atmosphere.
Are there any side effects?
Yes, I'm afraid you will never
develop tentacles.
(groans)
Behold the wonders of our world.
Purple landscape,
purple trees.
Yeah, you really went
with the purple theme.
We can change it at will.
Now look upward
to see our seven suns.
(gasps) So, you use
a lot of solar energy?
We have federal rebates
for the panels,
but few take advantage
of them.
Now we shall show you
the sacred mysteries
of our life cycle.
Behold, our miracle of birth.
Each birth is followed
by another birth
just seconds later.
(groans)
(all groaning)
And finally,
a sadder slice of our lives.
Gaze upon the dead
being dumped into a river
of their own drool.
(bagpipes playing)
Farewell, dear friends,
on your sacred journey
to the chopper-upper.
Aw.
Why are you sharing
all this with us?
Because we want you to
fully appreciate the planet...
that you will never leave!
(gasping)
Wait, are you telling me
we're prisoners in this cage?
Okay, take five.
(dissonant bagpipe chord)
(screeching)
Don't look at them.
You can see those birds
any time.
(meows)
(screaming)
Right hand red!
Aah!
I win.
I think.
(grunts)
Would you like one of our toys?
Thanks.
Why did you do that?
I thought it was a ball.
That is the one thing
it can never be.
(plays instrument out of tune)
Don't be alarmed.
I am a trained humanologist.
Let me just check your heart.
All well and good.
You obviously exercise.
(nasally):
See, Marge?
Anything you need?
Perhaps you'd care
to have your ink gland
expressed.
You're the doctor.
Homer!
You have to stop
dropping your pants
for everyone who claims
they're a doctor.
Fine.
Now, I am here to complete
your knowledge of our
great and generous species.
Are you the guy that talks nice
before they kill us?
Eh, we'll come back to that.
As young thinglings,
we are schooled
in the wisdom of the universe.
Physics, mathematics, Fortran...
the greatest
of the programming languages!
And now the part that is
difficult to tell you.
At the end of a life well-lived,
there is one final ritual.
We must eat one of you.
(all gasp)
But we'll let you have
the fun of picking which one.
(laughs)
There's only one fair solution.
We have to put it to a vote.
Before we vote,
I'd just like to point out
in Sophie's Choice,
she saved the boy.
(humming a tune)
This isn't a happy thing!
Here you go.
Okay.
What the...?!
D'oh!
Well, we haven't heard
from Maggie yet.
Now, what the...?
(scoffs)
Gibberish, pure gibberish.
You're the last vote, Homie.
(groaning)
'Tis a far,
far better thing I do
than I have ever done before.
Hey, look, Maggie made you
a farewell card.
That kid's got talent,
but come on!
Now do you see why
I'm a vegetarian, Dad?
I get it, Lisa.
I finally get it.
You do get a last meal.
I'd like rabbit,
lots of rabbit.
Ah.
Welcome to the World Series
of Chomping.
This annual consumption ritual
is brought to you by scalp salt.
From the same
wonderful folks who make
elbow pepper and groin gravy.
Here comes sacrifice
Homer Simpson.
His hobbies include
sitting, lying down,
and reaching for things
without success.
Come on, folks, let's put
your eyelids together!
(eyelids clapping)
Doesn't your culture say
anything about mercy?
Madam, you are speaking
to the kindest
and gentlest of us all.
Let's see:
skull crusher, skin peeler,
eyeball popper,
scream collector...
(gasps)
Got it.
Our elder Klaunax has been
chosen for our ceremonial
first bite,
after which Homer Simpson
will be dipped
into a spicy cheese fondue.
"Fondue"?
Welcome to a faculty
dinner party in 1979.
Silence! And celebrate the
Solstice of Slobbering
to the sounds of the
Rigel 7 Children's Choir.
♪ Tasty creature
♪ We salute you
(all slurp)
♪ For your juicy
♪ Sacrifice.
(all slurp)
(groaning)
(laughing)
(grunting)
A transporter beam!
Someone is trying
to steal our sacrifice.
Yes!
This mysterious tube can
only lead to somewhere good.
So long,
you stupid slobbering...
What the...?!
(grunting)
And away we go!
(sighs)
Way to go, George Mucus. The
fattest, stupidest man on Earth
slipped right through
your sticky tentacles.
Why, you little...!
What is this baffling construct?
It's called a knot.
A not what?
"Knot" with a "K."
Ks are silent?
Really?
I've been saying kitchen.
That's correct.
BOTH: Huh?
(Homer gasps)
MALE:
Do not fear.
You are among friends.
We are the resistance.
We don't believe in the barbaric
consumption of other species.
So, what do you eat--
space broccoli?
Space broccoli has the
most advanced feelings
of any creature
in the universe.
I stepped on a piece once,
and it cried for six years.
Frankly, they are a
little full of themselves.
Who are you talking about?
Um, earth broccoli.
Yeah, I hate those guys.
They think they're so big.
Let's go, Homer.
Where are you taking me?
You are about to behold
the secret rebel base.
♪
Aah!
Whee!
Yeah!
Why are they dancing?
Shouldn't they be
making weapons?
This is excellent training
for the party we will throw
when our rebellion succeeds.
(music stops)
MALE:
Oh, turn the music back on.
In a minute!
First, noble human Homer Simpson
will explain his primitive
yet beautiful culture.
(bird caws)
But perhaps Earth's greatest
achievement is moon rocks.
Oh, and the golden age of radio.
(all oohing)
Truly a species
with much to offer.
MALE:
Seriously? Are we listening
to the same guy?
Silence!
Homer, we will get you
back to Earth.
What about my family?
Why do you care?
It's just your sex
mate and spermlings.
"Sex mate"?
(laughs)
Clearly you've
never been married.
But it's great, I'm telling you.
Unfortunately, we
only had the means
to build the spaceship for one.
We spent most of our
money on the party.
Well, it is a great party.
The pod is equipped to fulfill
your deepest desires.
Just concentrate.
Suddenly, this trip
has gotten interesting.
(gasps)
What the...?!
Oh, who am I kidding?
I couldn't enjoy calorie one
without my family.
I'm going back to save them!
Aw, if I could
just live inside
that head, so full
of noble thoughts.
(growls, grunting)
The golden rule states
if the chosen one escapes,
his family is eaten as forfeit.
What do your rules say now?
That all will be eaten.
D'oh!
This system is
really rigged against us.
(Bart and Marge groan)
You forgot to glaze me.
No, I didn't.
You licked it off!
I think somebody's afraid
to admit he's out of glaze.
(groans)
Glaze, please.
(growls)
Make way for the queen!
I shall take the first bite.
It is quite an honor.
(whimpering)
What's that?
Part of your magnificent behind.
We sliced it off
when you were sleeping.
It does look delicious.
(gasps)
What is it, my queen?
This ass is most disagreeable.
(gurgles)
The creatures are composed
of completely
indigestible toxins.
These humans have
been poisoned
by their unhealthy
fast-food diet.
Um, are you sure you don't want
to try me again?
You? Your lunches of
hummus and rice cakes
combine in your stomach to form
formaldehyde and animal fat.
Really? But I thought...
You'd be better off
chewing tobacco like the boy.
What?!
Dad said I could try it.
Homer!
Don't you people realize
your queen is dying?
I'm afraid the lardo speaks
the truth, Your Majesty.
It's all right.
I have seen many glories
and have only one regret.
That my breasts aren't bigger.
I don't see any breasts.
And those will be
the last words I ever hear.
(grunts)
Useless humans!
We will send you back
to your planet,
and your memories will fade.
So, it will be as if none
of this ever happened!
Captain's log, stardate 65848.2.
After successfully conquering
the Rigelians...
Right, "conquering."
Well, at least
Maggie can fly us home.
Thank God it's just
like her busy box.
Well, I guess we've learned that
of all the countless planets
in the universe, we have evolved
into the most inedible species.
Like three-bean
salad at a barbecue,
we will remain untouched.
We're receiving a transmission
from an unknown source.
Hey, I finally tracked you down!
My oatmeal's gone cold.
The cat ate my heart medicine.
I'm engaged to my nurse...
Set a course, Mr. Maggie.
Anywhere but home.
HOMER:
D'oh!
(Star Trek theme playing)
(tires screeching)
D'oh!
(tires screeching)
(grunts)
(piano playing softly)
(static, explosion)
And in other news...
(all sigh happily)
BOTH:
Are we there yet?
Are we there yet?
No.
Are we there yet?
No!
Are we there yet?
I said no!
Are we there yet?
What's wrong with your ears?
Are we there yet?
Look out the window!
Are we there yet?
We're not there!
Are we there yet?
Are we there yet?
Okay.
We're there. Finally.
Are we there yet?
Huh?
Are we there yet?
Are we there yet?
Are we there yet?
Damn technology!
Are we there yet?
Turn it off!
We did.
This is us.
Are we there yet?
Are we there yet?
(anguished scream)
(laughter)
HOMER:
Ooh, a spot.
Okay, remember we're parked
in the "Ethnic Princess"
section.
(horn honking)
HOMER:
Don't worry,
this time I'm gonna write down
where I parked.
(crowd shouting)
(screams)
Look! I see land!
(cheering)
Mama!
We made it!
Mama?
No!
You planted that on me, man!
(screaming)
Sorry. No outside pacifiers.
Fine, but I'm not paying
for the insurance.
Oh, what the hell?
Give me the insurance.
(sizzles)
Come on, Maggie.
The first ride we go on
will be for you.
ROOFI:
♪ Riding on a bug
♪ Riding on a bug
♪ You'd rather be in school
♪ Than riding on a bug
♪ Riding on a bug
♪ Riding
on a bug ♪
♪ You'd rather be in school
Bug be damned! (gasps)
♪ Than riding on a bug
Ay, caramba!
♪ Don't get off the bug
♪ Don't get off
the bug ♪
♪ Certain death awaits
♪ If you get off the bug
(ripping)
♪ Welcome to the bug,
welcome to... ♪
(groans)
(groaning)
(gun clicks)
(heroic music plays)
Whoa, this place
sure has changed
since Dizznee bought the rights
to Cosmic Wars.
(bluegrass music playing)
BART:
Oh, geez!
(mechanical whirring)
Purchased for
$4 billion, I was.
Yet still hoodie ragged,
wear I do, this.
Pirates of the Caribbean!
Huh?
They revamped this ride
because of massive complaints
from two people.
♪ No means no
♪ We know now
♪ No means no
♪ We know now...
(high-pitched):
Ha-ha!
My cartoons weren't good,
they were just first!
ALL:
Ooh!
Not enough ketchup.
(groans)
We've been here six hours
and the coolest thing
we've done
is stand in the Cool Zone.
ANNOUNCER: The Cool Zone
is beyond maximum capacity.
Disperse, disperse.
(crowd grumbling)
(screaming)
(sighing happily)
How about that one?
(excited shouting)
(screaming)
Ooh, I don't like
the end sounds on that.
ANNOUNCER: By 1994, we'll have
drive-in theaters on Neptune!
Life magazine will be
400 pages long!
(slowly): And your telegrams
will be delivered
by jetpa...
Well, that's it.
We've visited every section
including Churro County,
Toonton Abbey,
but you know what
we haven't had here?
I'll tell you:
fun. The kind of fun
attractive families have
in commercials.
Hey, Dad, I see a ride
that actually looks decent.
I just want to sit down,
but the line for the bench
is too long.
No, look, it's a ride that
just opened and no one's there.
Dad, I don't know about this.
It's not on the park map.
Lisa, those maps were drawn
by the first explorers
of this theme park,
hundreds of years ago.
Let's go.
KANG:
Assume a sitting position.
KODOS:
One seat per human.
Come on, start this thing!
I'm not impressed.
This is so fake.
HOMER:
Uh-oh.
ALL:
Ooh!
We've left Earth's atmosphere.
Prove it. (squeals)
BART AND LISA: Are we there yet?
Are we there yet?
Are we there yet?
Welcome, humans.
There is nothing to fear.
I am Kang the Abductor.
What the...?
This isn't Halloween.
Are we truly in space?
And if so, why?
All will be revealed in time,
unsuspecting humans.
Why does the last thing
you say sound so ominous?
It's just the way we speak,
easily reassured fool.
(sighing happily)
Oh!
Yeah, that's good.
We shall now attend
to the complex calculations
of hyperspace.
(chuckling)
Hey, Captain Squid!
If you really want
to be nice to us,
how about some snacks?
Whatever you say
shall materialize.
Potato chips.
("Blue Danube Waltz" playing)
D'oh!
D'oh!
D'oh!
D'oh!
D'oh! D'oh!
D'oh!
D'oh!
Stupid kid,
you ruin every trip!
Hokey Smokes!
I can't survive
in these conditions!
Whoa!
(sighs)
Hmm!
(grunts) Hmm!
(laughs)
Homer, please.
That's creeping me out.
D'oh!
(chuckles) Let me just...
There you are,
just like new,
not a freak of nature.
Wow, look at all these knobs
and buttons.
They are clearly
a superior race.
But maybe that means
they'll be nice to us.
You mean like Europeans were
to the Native Americans?
Or the Belgians were
to the Congo?
That's right.
Pick the only two times
in history
where things got messy.
We have begun our descent
to our home planet.
Please turn off all
portable electronic devices.
Who's gonna stop me?
Perhaps you haven't noticed
the air marshal.
Have your cups lost their suck?
Slipped on some drool?
Larry H. Zeeblezorp
will have you
rolling in space credits.
Wow. This place
is completely alien,
but everything's in English.
Just like Canada.
Can I turn my phone on?
KODOS:
Not yet.
Now what?
I say we take
this bucket home!
To Earth!
(engine not starting)
Come on.
Come on, you son of a...
Thanks for flooding it.
(engine not starting)
(groans)
Take these pills,
and you can breathe
our atmosphere.
Are there any side effects?
Yes, I'm afraid you will never
develop tentacles.
(groans)
Behold the wonders of our world.
Purple landscape,
purple trees.
Yeah, you really went
with the purple theme.
We can change it at will.
Now look upward
to see our seven suns.
(gasps) So, you use
a lot of solar energy?
We have federal rebates
for the panels,
but few take advantage
of them.
Now we shall show you
the sacred mysteries
of our life cycle.
Behold, our miracle of birth.
Each birth is followed
by another birth
just seconds later.
(groans)
(all groaning)
And finally,
a sadder slice of our lives.
Gaze upon the dead
being dumped into a river
of their own drool.
(bagpipes playing)
Farewell, dear friends,
on your sacred journey
to the chopper-upper.
Aw.
Why are you sharing
all this with us?
Because we want you to
fully appreciate the planet...
that you will never leave!
(gasping)
Wait, are you telling me
we're prisoners in this cage?
Okay, take five.
(dissonant bagpipe chord)
(screeching)
Don't look at them.
You can see those birds
any time.
(meows)
(screaming)
Right hand red!
Aah!
I win.
I think.
(grunts)
Would you like one of our toys?
Thanks.
Why did you do that?
I thought it was a ball.
That is the one thing
it can never be.
(plays instrument out of tune)
Don't be alarmed.
I am a trained humanologist.
Let me just check your heart.
All well and good.
You obviously exercise.
(nasally):
See, Marge?
Anything you need?
Perhaps you'd care
to have your ink gland
expressed.
You're the doctor.
Homer!
You have to stop
dropping your pants
for everyone who claims
they're a doctor.
Fine.
Now, I am here to complete
your knowledge of our
great and generous species.
Are you the guy that talks nice
before they kill us?
Eh, we'll come back to that.
As young thinglings,
we are schooled
in the wisdom of the universe.
Physics, mathematics, Fortran...
the greatest
of the programming languages!
And now the part that is
difficult to tell you.
At the end of a life well-lived,
there is one final ritual.
We must eat one of you.
(all gasp)
But we'll let you have
the fun of picking which one.
(laughs)
There's only one fair solution.
We have to put it to a vote.
Before we vote,
I'd just like to point out
in Sophie's Choice,
she saved the boy.
(humming a tune)
This isn't a happy thing!
Here you go.
Okay.
What the...?!
D'oh!
Well, we haven't heard
from Maggie yet.
Now, what the...?
(scoffs)
Gibberish, pure gibberish.
You're the last vote, Homie.
(groaning)
'Tis a far,
far better thing I do
than I have ever done before.
Hey, look, Maggie made you
a farewell card.
That kid's got talent,
but come on!
Now do you see why
I'm a vegetarian, Dad?
I get it, Lisa.
I finally get it.
You do get a last meal.
I'd like rabbit,
lots of rabbit.
Ah.
Welcome to the World Series
of Chomping.
This annual consumption ritual
is brought to you by scalp salt.
From the same
wonderful folks who make
elbow pepper and groin gravy.
Here comes sacrifice
Homer Simpson.
His hobbies include
sitting, lying down,
and reaching for things
without success.
Come on, folks, let's put
your eyelids together!
(eyelids clapping)
Doesn't your culture say
anything about mercy?
Madam, you are speaking
to the kindest
and gentlest of us all.
Let's see:
skull crusher, skin peeler,
eyeball popper,
scream collector...
(gasps)
Got it.
Our elder Klaunax has been
chosen for our ceremonial
first bite,
after which Homer Simpson
will be dipped
into a spicy cheese fondue.
"Fondue"?
Welcome to a faculty
dinner party in 1979.
Silence! And celebrate the
Solstice of Slobbering
to the sounds of the
Rigel 7 Children's Choir.
♪ Tasty creature
♪ We salute you
(all slurp)
♪ For your juicy
♪ Sacrifice.
(all slurp)
(groaning)
(laughing)
(grunting)
A transporter beam!
Someone is trying
to steal our sacrifice.
Yes!
This mysterious tube can
only lead to somewhere good.
So long,
you stupid slobbering...
What the...?!
(grunting)
And away we go!
(sighs)
Way to go, George Mucus. The
fattest, stupidest man on Earth
slipped right through
your sticky tentacles.
Why, you little...!
What is this baffling construct?
It's called a knot.
A not what?
"Knot" with a "K."
Ks are silent?
Really?
I've been saying kitchen.
That's correct.
BOTH: Huh?
(Homer gasps)
MALE:
Do not fear.
You are among friends.
We are the resistance.
We don't believe in the barbaric
consumption of other species.
So, what do you eat--
space broccoli?
Space broccoli has the
most advanced feelings
of any creature
in the universe.
I stepped on a piece once,
and it cried for six years.
Frankly, they are a
little full of themselves.
Who are you talking about?
Um, earth broccoli.
Yeah, I hate those guys.
They think they're so big.
Let's go, Homer.
Where are you taking me?
You are about to behold
the secret rebel base.
♪
Aah!
Whee!
Yeah!
Why are they dancing?
Shouldn't they be
making weapons?
This is excellent training
for the party we will throw
when our rebellion succeeds.
(music stops)
MALE:
Oh, turn the music back on.
In a minute!
First, noble human Homer Simpson
will explain his primitive
yet beautiful culture.
(bird caws)
But perhaps Earth's greatest
achievement is moon rocks.
Oh, and the golden age of radio.
(all oohing)
Truly a species
with much to offer.
MALE:
Seriously? Are we listening
to the same guy?
Silence!
Homer, we will get you
back to Earth.
What about my family?
Why do you care?
It's just your sex
mate and spermlings.
"Sex mate"?
(laughs)
Clearly you've
never been married.
But it's great, I'm telling you.
Unfortunately, we
only had the means
to build the spaceship for one.
We spent most of our
money on the party.
Well, it is a great party.
The pod is equipped to fulfill
your deepest desires.
Just concentrate.
Suddenly, this trip
has gotten interesting.
(gasps)
What the...?!
Oh, who am I kidding?
I couldn't enjoy calorie one
without my family.
I'm going back to save them!
Aw, if I could
just live inside
that head, so full
of noble thoughts.
(growls, grunting)
The golden rule states
if the chosen one escapes,
his family is eaten as forfeit.
What do your rules say now?
That all will be eaten.
D'oh!
This system is
really rigged against us.
(Bart and Marge groan)
You forgot to glaze me.
No, I didn't.
You licked it off!
I think somebody's afraid
to admit he's out of glaze.
(groans)
Glaze, please.
(growls)
Make way for the queen!
I shall take the first bite.
It is quite an honor.
(whimpering)
What's that?
Part of your magnificent behind.
We sliced it off
when you were sleeping.
It does look delicious.
(gasps)
What is it, my queen?
This ass is most disagreeable.
(gurgles)
The creatures are composed
of completely
indigestible toxins.
These humans have
been poisoned
by their unhealthy
fast-food diet.
Um, are you sure you don't want
to try me again?
You? Your lunches of
hummus and rice cakes
combine in your stomach to form
formaldehyde and animal fat.
Really? But I thought...
You'd be better off
chewing tobacco like the boy.
What?!
Dad said I could try it.
Homer!
Don't you people realize
your queen is dying?
I'm afraid the lardo speaks
the truth, Your Majesty.
It's all right.
I have seen many glories
and have only one regret.
That my breasts aren't bigger.
I don't see any breasts.
And those will be
the last words I ever hear.
(grunts)
Useless humans!
We will send you back
to your planet,
and your memories will fade.
So, it will be as if none
of this ever happened!
Captain's log, stardate 65848.2.
After successfully conquering
the Rigelians...
Right, "conquering."
Well, at least
Maggie can fly us home.
Thank God it's just
like her busy box.
Well, I guess we've learned that
of all the countless planets
in the universe, we have evolved
into the most inedible species.
Like three-bean
salad at a barbecue,
we will remain untouched.
We're receiving a transmission
from an unknown source.
Hey, I finally tracked you down!
My oatmeal's gone cold.
The cat ate my heart medicine.
I'm engaged to my nurse...
Set a course, Mr. Maggie.
Anywhere but home.
HOMER:
D'oh!
(Star Trek theme playing)