The Simpsons (1989–…): Season 25, Episode 9 - Steal This Episode - full transcript
Fed up with the high price of Hollywood films, Homer begins screening pirated movies in his backyard, but is busted by the FBI after Marge turns him in.
Oh, boy.
Monday morning chit-chat
at the water cooler.
The only reason to have done
stuff over the weekend.
The only part of
the movie I didn't get is:
now Radioactive Man gets
his powers from his suit?
The suit is slowly killing him,
but if he doesn't
wear it, he'll die.
Oh...
Wait, you guys saw the new
Radioactive Man sequel?
Uh, it's not a sequel,
it's a reboot.
Actually, this one
undoes the stuff
from the last one,
so it's a de-boot.
Stop talking!
I haven't seen it yet!
Radioactive Man Re-Rises
came out three days ago.
It is fair game.
Yeah, if you
haven't seen it,
then you gotta
leave the water cooler.
But what if I want
some cooled water?
You should have
thought of that
when you were not
seeing the movie.
Fine.
I'll drink alone.
(grunts)
It was so awesome
when Radioactive Man
had to erase
his own memory.
Yeah, so he wouldn't be
tortured by his past
when he was born
in the future.
Oh, they're talking
about the movie!
Hurry up, you idiot!
No, no, don't stop!
I'm sorry I got mad.
I'll do that thing you like.
I got Radioactive Man's
new villain...
the Collider.
I turn out to be a good guy.
I die, but come back
to life after the credits.
Oh!
Sometimes we feel
there's nowhere left to turn,
much like Radioactive Man,
when he had to kill
his own antimatter twin
with a blast of time particles
from the Chrono-cube...
d Amazing grace
d How loud I sing
...and in doing so,
mortally wounding...
d To drown the spoilers out!
...his girlfriend, who was
pregnant with his own...
d Shut up, shut up,
shut... d
(yells)
And stay out!
HOMER:
Okay.
I gotta go see
the Radioactive Man movie
before it gets
totally ruined for me.
Ooh, date night!
I'll go change my bra.
I want to see
Radioactive Man Re-Rises.
If Bart's going,
I'm going!
If Grampa's going,
I'm going!
If you all go, then I have
to pay for a babysitter.
We'll call
that nice girl
who's getting her Masters
in Child Development.
Emily-Beth?
We can't afford Emily-Beth!
She brings her own puppets!
(cooing)
Bye-bye, Maggie!
Bye-bye, money.
Two adults, two kids,
and one senior with the mind of
a baby so he should be free.
For the 3-D show,
that'll be $72.
What?!
Or, for ten dollars more,
you can see it in
IMAX Hobbit Frame Rate
Virtual Reality Vision.
(moviegoers shuddering)
(vomits)
All right, movie,
you better be worth it.
(dramatic music plays)
(engines revving)
(dancers screaming)
HOMER:
The motorcycle dudes are chicks!
I wonder what else is chicks?
(women gasping)
d
Don't ask.
Do smell.
ANNOUNCER: Also available in
"Arctic Slut,"
"Morning After Melon"
and "Elon Musk."
Hey... they tricked us!
That's a commercial!
If I wanted to pay for
commercials I can't skip,
I'd sign up for Hulu Plus!
Shh!
You're shushing me?
This guy's on his cell phone,
she's texting, he's sexting,
and that guy brought a baby
to a 9:00 movie!
(Spanish accent):
That's negative, man.
What happened to the movies?
First they got worse than TV,
and now this!
(all gasping)
(yelling)
And stay out!
(Homer moans)
Chins up, Homer.
You don't need a theater
to watch the movie.
You just have to illegally
download it.
Illegally download it?
Is that legal?
Who knows?
But it sure is easy.
I'll walk you through it.
All you have to do is...
ANNOUNCER:
The FOX network forbids
the broadcast of
step-by-step instructions
for illegally downloading
copyrighted
intellectual property.
In the meantime,
please enjoy this footage
from NASCAR's 2011
Martinsville Cup.
(engines roaring)
Wow, that was easy.
All I had to do
was click on...
(engines roaring)
And play!
d
Bless you, boy.
That was the greatest thing
I've seen on a computer
that I can talk about
with you in the room.
How did you know
how to do that?
I'm under 30.
Guys, guys, I saw the
Radioactive Man movie!
Here's my ten favorite
scenes from worst to best.
Number ten: when what's-his-name
did that stuff with those dudes.
Number nine...
Uh, Homer,
that movie's been talked out.
We're discussing
the new James Bond flick.
I like that James
Bond is ugly now.
I like that he doesn't
have any gadgets.
I like that he's not
good at shooting,
doesn't say funny quips,
or do any James Bond stuff.
Shut up, shut up, shut up!
Homer, go to the theater
and see the movie.
(scoffs)
Theaters?
All I need to see
this movie
is a laptop and a Web site
based in a country
that's really just
an offshore oil platform.
Care to join me?
d
That was so much better
than the cinema.
It mixes the wonder
of movie-going
with the rush
of stealing.
All we want is brand-new,
big budget entertainment
in our homes for nothin'.
Why doesn't Hollywood get that?
Gentlemen, I am inspired
to create a theater
for the people...
an experience free of
all the nuisances
and gouging of
modern-day moviegoing!
Yeah, no more jerks
talking on their
cell phones!
No more jerks telling me not
to talk on my cell phone!
And best of all...
we'll never have
to sit through
another annoying
commercial again!
Welcome to
"Cinema Pirate-diso."
Tonight's movie is
Life is Funny,
directed by Judd Apatow.
It's based on his life,
starring his family
and ad-libbed by his friends.
So for the next three
and a half hours, enjoy!
(frustrated groan)
Did you just pass gas
while we were making love?
You're the one who hired
the Korean taco truck
for our private
school fund-raiser.
(chuckles)
I live it,
he writes it.
d
Well, what did you think?
We may be going to Hell
for seeing "side bosom,"
but this backyard is
a little slice of Heaven,
all thanks to
Homer Simpson!
(cheering)
This is fun!
And it was so nice
of the movie company
to let you show their film.
Let me?
Uh, sweetheart,
I downloaded it off
the Internet...
illegally.
An illegal download?
But Hollywood says stealing
from Hollywood is wrong.
(scoffs) Why should
a regular guy like me
have to spend
15 bucks a ticket
so studios can pay
huge salaries
to the Air Buds and
Ray Liottas of the world?
Oh!
When I watched
that pirated movie,
I was stealing with my eyes.
So I'm repaying the
good people in Hollywood
for the ticket
I should have bought.
Now this money will end up
in the hands
of the talented people
who make magic happen
on the silver screen.
(inhales) Ah...
(startled gasp)
Karen, get me the FBI!
Karen!
You people joined this
squad for one reason:
to fight movie pirates.
I wanted to catch
serial killers.
(mocking, whiny tone):
"I wanted to catch
serial killers."
From now on, you will
lay down your lives
to protect America's
chick flicks, buddy comedies
and steady stream
of animated misfires.
Sir, you have
to see this.
"Took it off the Web...
"watched for free...
never pay for a movie again"?
Men, set your guns on "kill."
We're going after Homer Simpson.
I now present,
direct from the computer
of an angry editor
at a special effects house,
Cosmic Wars Episode Seven.
(epic orchestral theme playing)
(audience cheering)
My childhood has been un-ruined!
Listen up, seat meat!
You are all in violation of
Title 17
of the U.S. Copyright Code.
(all gasping)
Easy there, hotshot.
All the people are doing
is watching a movie.
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!
I'm not wearing an undershirt
and my badge is
poking into my skin.
What's going on here?
Is there a fondler
in the neighborhood?
I'm here to arrest
and hopefully stage
the prison suicide
of the mastermind of
this operation--
Homer Simpson!
Ooh, mastermind.
We got our man,
thanks to a tip
from a heroic
American snitch.
(gasps) One of you
turned me in?
Who was it?
You!
Superintendent
Chalmers,
you never forgave me
for that time
we wore the same Hawaiian
shirt to that luau!
They're gonna
take Dad!
We gotta do
something!
I'm on it.
(screams)
Copyrighted material!
Don't look at it!
Someone sell me
a ticket!
Ear plugs in!
Blinders on!
We trained
for this!
(gunshot)
(grunting)
From now on,
the only place you'll
be watching movies
without having to buy
a ticket is jail.
Oh... oh... (whimpers)
Baby, promise me
you'll find out
who turned me in.
(moans)
It's probably someone
I would never suspect.
Never suspect.
(moans)
Your moans of sympathy
are all I have.
Oh...
HOMER: Whoever did this to me
will be haunted
by unbearable guilt forever!
Forever!
What are you guys in for?
Bank robbery.
Drug trafficking.
What about you?
Movie piracy.
(all gasp)
What?!
People in show business
work hard
to make those movies.
My media stocks under-performed
because of people like you.
My brother lost his job
as a grip
on a movie set
because of piracy.
He had to sell his Jet Ski.
A grip without a Jet Ski
ain't no grip at all!
(yelling)
You're about to find out
what we do to
copyright infringers.
(yelling)
(tires screech)
(all clamoring)
(train horn blowing
in distance)
Uh... huh?
(horn blowing)
Huh...? (screams)
(men yelling)
(grunting)
(screams)
Whoo-hoo!
It's almost
like having Dad here.
Only with less growling
when I go near his food.
I just want to know who
dropped the dime on Dad.
Lousy rat.
Maybe the person
that turned your father in
thought they were doing
the right thing.
Homer just pirated a movie.
But it's not the worst thing
Dad ever did.
It's not even the worst kind
of pirate Dad's ever been.
Lisa, tell your brother
that stealing is wrong,
no matter what.
I don't know.
It wasn't like Dad was
stealing for himself.
He created this wonderful
experience for the whole town.
I just can't imagine
anyone turning him in.
(door creaking open)
Dad, Dad, you're back,
you're back!
Hey!
Dad, you're back! Dad!
Homer, what are you doing
out of prison?
You have to go back
and give yourself up.
I can't go back to jail!
There's no shampoo, just soap!
Wait, I know one place
in Springfield
that doesn't care
about Internet piracy laws.
Thanks for taking us in.
Our family always
appreciates asylum.
This consulate is
like being on Swedish soil.
You're as safe here as you would
be in the Skatteskrapan.
(whistles)
Your country
doesn't think illegally
downloading movies is wrong?
The people of Sweden believe
all movies should
be shared freely.
How is that not stealing?
Bah, your Hollywood studios
are the real thieves,
claiming all their hit movies
have lost money.
I spit on their bookkeeping.
Yeah, and why don't they
make a sequel to Taken
where The Hangover guys
get taken
and the only ones
that could rescue them
is Fast and Furious.
Aw, man, I would
love to pirate that.
As would
the proud people of Sweden.
(sirens blaring)
(tires screeching)
They've found us!
There's only one surefire way
to get fugitives
out of a foreign building--
blasting death metal.
d Respecting the law,
respecting the law d
d Copyright law,
copyright law d
d Copyright law,
copyright law... d
You like this?
Oh-oh, Swedes love death metal.
It reminds us of death.
Damn those Peace Prize-giving
fish-smokers.
I'm so tired of being trapped
in this embassy.
Consulate.
Consulates are regional offices,
which serve the embassy
in the capitol.
Thank you so much
for sticking with me
through all this.
You're the greatest
wife in the world.
(moaning)
It was me!
I was the one who
told the FBI.
You?
How could you?
You're my own flesh and blood.
I was just trying
to do the right thing.
Who would've thought
the authorities
would use a confession
against me?
Have you forgotten what you
promised at our wedding?
To love and cherish?
To aid and abet?
I never wanted
to say funny vows.
Well, you did!
And they got laughs.
Solid laughs!
I didn't mean
for this to happen,
but you were stealing.
All I ever had was
you looking out for me.
I got nothing now.
d
All rise in the matter
of The People vs.
Homer Simpson.
The people call Hollywood
ultra-producer, Judd Apatow.
Homer Simpson is
an enemy of art.
Art created by writers,
directors,
and the guy who uses a computer
to erase or enhance nipples.
And not just the people
who dream for a living,
but the people
who depend on us.
The spin class instructors,
the personal rabbis, Seth Rogen.
(laughing)
(crying):
It's true, I need him.
I saw a bootleg DVD
of The 40 Year Old Virgin
for sale at a car wash.
They left off
my director's commentary!
It didn't even have
a blooper reel!
(all groaning)
(gavel banging)
Homer Simpson,
you have been found guilty
of illegal reproduction
and distribution
of copyrighted material.
Before sentencing, do you have
anything to say for yourself?
No.
Homer, tell them
your side of the story.
I know I hurt you,
but please trust me now.
It'll work.
You know what, Judge Apatow?
I do have something to say.
These movie people
may say I'm a pirate,
but I'm just a man.
A man who loved Hollywood
too much.
So I made my own rules
and fought the big guys
who tried to destroy
my way of life.
He doesn't sound
like a villain.
He sounds
like a classic underdog.
He's the unlikeliest
of heroes!
But where's
the love story?
At first my wife
didn't believe in me.
Maybe we forgot why we fell
in love in the first place.
But when times seemed darkest,
one minute ago,
she was there and gave me
the strength and courage
to fight for what I believe in.
He's a downloading David
versus a greedy Goliath.
An Erin Brockovich
but with more cleavage!
Two, three... Good
Lord, he's hitting
all four quadrants!
One family, against all odds,
took on the system...
and lost.
(clamoring)
Mr. Simpson, I'd like to buy
the rights to make a movie
based on your true story.
I'm attached
as executive producer!
Attached! Attached!
One movie?
We envision a trilogy.
Will Smith's family wants
to play your family.
I'd be Jaden.
(all clamoring)
On behalf of Hollywood,
we are dropping all charges.
These people hate my dad.
How can they want
to make a movie about him?
Hollywood may be run
by big corporations
trying to squash people,
but they make movies
about people standing up
to big corporations
trying to squash them
and winning.
I'll sign with whoever
can convince Channing Tatum
to gain the most weight
to play me.
Surprise!
Surprise!
Surprise!
What the hell
is all this?
We're so excited
about your movie
that we're having
a special screening.
But the movie isn't in theaters
till next week.
Yeah, we ripped a version
off Bootleg Bay
just like you taught us.
It's still got timecode on it,
but, otherwise,
it's a clean copy.
(chuckles)
You're pirating
my movie?
The hell you are!
Piracy is stealing!
You're taking money out
of my family's mouths!
(gasping)
But the movie is... i-it's
about you pirating movies.
Oh, that's Hollywood fantasy.
We live in the real world,
where I have something called...
prof-it par-tic-i-pa-tion.
That's negative, man.
Oh, Homie...
Now all of you go see my movie
in the theater the day it opens!
No bargain matinees!
And tell your friends
it was great!
Buy the stuff they advertise
in the commercials before it!
Homer in the movie
wears Ask Body Spray
and so should you!
Don't ask! Do smell!
Homie, do you really think
you should be...
Up-bup-bup-bup-bup!
What have we learned about not
blindly supporting our husband?
Ask Body Spray!
But then when times
seemed darkest,
she was there; she gave me
the strength and courage
to fight for what I believe in.
On behalf of Hollywood,
we're dropping all charges!
(cheering)
(laughing)
So what do you think, Lise?
Who are the good guys here,
the media companies or
the Internet freedom guys?
Well, both groups claim
their intentions are noble,
but at the end of the day,
they're both trying to steal
as much money as they can.
So... everyone's a pirate?
And the worst one of all is...
Monday morning chit-chat
at the water cooler.
The only reason to have done
stuff over the weekend.
The only part of
the movie I didn't get is:
now Radioactive Man gets
his powers from his suit?
The suit is slowly killing him,
but if he doesn't
wear it, he'll die.
Oh...
Wait, you guys saw the new
Radioactive Man sequel?
Uh, it's not a sequel,
it's a reboot.
Actually, this one
undoes the stuff
from the last one,
so it's a de-boot.
Stop talking!
I haven't seen it yet!
Radioactive Man Re-Rises
came out three days ago.
It is fair game.
Yeah, if you
haven't seen it,
then you gotta
leave the water cooler.
But what if I want
some cooled water?
You should have
thought of that
when you were not
seeing the movie.
Fine.
I'll drink alone.
(grunts)
It was so awesome
when Radioactive Man
had to erase
his own memory.
Yeah, so he wouldn't be
tortured by his past
when he was born
in the future.
Oh, they're talking
about the movie!
Hurry up, you idiot!
No, no, don't stop!
I'm sorry I got mad.
I'll do that thing you like.
I got Radioactive Man's
new villain...
the Collider.
I turn out to be a good guy.
I die, but come back
to life after the credits.
Oh!
Sometimes we feel
there's nowhere left to turn,
much like Radioactive Man,
when he had to kill
his own antimatter twin
with a blast of time particles
from the Chrono-cube...
d Amazing grace
d How loud I sing
...and in doing so,
mortally wounding...
d To drown the spoilers out!
...his girlfriend, who was
pregnant with his own...
d Shut up, shut up,
shut... d
(yells)
And stay out!
HOMER:
Okay.
I gotta go see
the Radioactive Man movie
before it gets
totally ruined for me.
Ooh, date night!
I'll go change my bra.
I want to see
Radioactive Man Re-Rises.
If Bart's going,
I'm going!
If Grampa's going,
I'm going!
If you all go, then I have
to pay for a babysitter.
We'll call
that nice girl
who's getting her Masters
in Child Development.
Emily-Beth?
We can't afford Emily-Beth!
She brings her own puppets!
(cooing)
Bye-bye, Maggie!
Bye-bye, money.
Two adults, two kids,
and one senior with the mind of
a baby so he should be free.
For the 3-D show,
that'll be $72.
What?!
Or, for ten dollars more,
you can see it in
IMAX Hobbit Frame Rate
Virtual Reality Vision.
(moviegoers shuddering)
(vomits)
All right, movie,
you better be worth it.
(dramatic music plays)
(engines revving)
(dancers screaming)
HOMER:
The motorcycle dudes are chicks!
I wonder what else is chicks?
(women gasping)
d
Don't ask.
Do smell.
ANNOUNCER: Also available in
"Arctic Slut,"
"Morning After Melon"
and "Elon Musk."
Hey... they tricked us!
That's a commercial!
If I wanted to pay for
commercials I can't skip,
I'd sign up for Hulu Plus!
Shh!
You're shushing me?
This guy's on his cell phone,
she's texting, he's sexting,
and that guy brought a baby
to a 9:00 movie!
(Spanish accent):
That's negative, man.
What happened to the movies?
First they got worse than TV,
and now this!
(all gasping)
(yelling)
And stay out!
(Homer moans)
Chins up, Homer.
You don't need a theater
to watch the movie.
You just have to illegally
download it.
Illegally download it?
Is that legal?
Who knows?
But it sure is easy.
I'll walk you through it.
All you have to do is...
ANNOUNCER:
The FOX network forbids
the broadcast of
step-by-step instructions
for illegally downloading
copyrighted
intellectual property.
In the meantime,
please enjoy this footage
from NASCAR's 2011
Martinsville Cup.
(engines roaring)
Wow, that was easy.
All I had to do
was click on...
(engines roaring)
And play!
d
Bless you, boy.
That was the greatest thing
I've seen on a computer
that I can talk about
with you in the room.
How did you know
how to do that?
I'm under 30.
Guys, guys, I saw the
Radioactive Man movie!
Here's my ten favorite
scenes from worst to best.
Number ten: when what's-his-name
did that stuff with those dudes.
Number nine...
Uh, Homer,
that movie's been talked out.
We're discussing
the new James Bond flick.
I like that James
Bond is ugly now.
I like that he doesn't
have any gadgets.
I like that he's not
good at shooting,
doesn't say funny quips,
or do any James Bond stuff.
Shut up, shut up, shut up!
Homer, go to the theater
and see the movie.
(scoffs)
Theaters?
All I need to see
this movie
is a laptop and a Web site
based in a country
that's really just
an offshore oil platform.
Care to join me?
d
That was so much better
than the cinema.
It mixes the wonder
of movie-going
with the rush
of stealing.
All we want is brand-new,
big budget entertainment
in our homes for nothin'.
Why doesn't Hollywood get that?
Gentlemen, I am inspired
to create a theater
for the people...
an experience free of
all the nuisances
and gouging of
modern-day moviegoing!
Yeah, no more jerks
talking on their
cell phones!
No more jerks telling me not
to talk on my cell phone!
And best of all...
we'll never have
to sit through
another annoying
commercial again!
Welcome to
"Cinema Pirate-diso."
Tonight's movie is
Life is Funny,
directed by Judd Apatow.
It's based on his life,
starring his family
and ad-libbed by his friends.
So for the next three
and a half hours, enjoy!
(frustrated groan)
Did you just pass gas
while we were making love?
You're the one who hired
the Korean taco truck
for our private
school fund-raiser.
(chuckles)
I live it,
he writes it.
d
Well, what did you think?
We may be going to Hell
for seeing "side bosom,"
but this backyard is
a little slice of Heaven,
all thanks to
Homer Simpson!
(cheering)
This is fun!
And it was so nice
of the movie company
to let you show their film.
Let me?
Uh, sweetheart,
I downloaded it off
the Internet...
illegally.
An illegal download?
But Hollywood says stealing
from Hollywood is wrong.
(scoffs) Why should
a regular guy like me
have to spend
15 bucks a ticket
so studios can pay
huge salaries
to the Air Buds and
Ray Liottas of the world?
Oh!
When I watched
that pirated movie,
I was stealing with my eyes.
So I'm repaying the
good people in Hollywood
for the ticket
I should have bought.
Now this money will end up
in the hands
of the talented people
who make magic happen
on the silver screen.
(inhales) Ah...
(startled gasp)
Karen, get me the FBI!
Karen!
You people joined this
squad for one reason:
to fight movie pirates.
I wanted to catch
serial killers.
(mocking, whiny tone):
"I wanted to catch
serial killers."
From now on, you will
lay down your lives
to protect America's
chick flicks, buddy comedies
and steady stream
of animated misfires.
Sir, you have
to see this.
"Took it off the Web...
"watched for free...
never pay for a movie again"?
Men, set your guns on "kill."
We're going after Homer Simpson.
I now present,
direct from the computer
of an angry editor
at a special effects house,
Cosmic Wars Episode Seven.
(epic orchestral theme playing)
(audience cheering)
My childhood has been un-ruined!
Listen up, seat meat!
You are all in violation of
Title 17
of the U.S. Copyright Code.
(all gasping)
Easy there, hotshot.
All the people are doing
is watching a movie.
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!
I'm not wearing an undershirt
and my badge is
poking into my skin.
What's going on here?
Is there a fondler
in the neighborhood?
I'm here to arrest
and hopefully stage
the prison suicide
of the mastermind of
this operation--
Homer Simpson!
Ooh, mastermind.
We got our man,
thanks to a tip
from a heroic
American snitch.
(gasps) One of you
turned me in?
Who was it?
You!
Superintendent
Chalmers,
you never forgave me
for that time
we wore the same Hawaiian
shirt to that luau!
They're gonna
take Dad!
We gotta do
something!
I'm on it.
(screams)
Copyrighted material!
Don't look at it!
Someone sell me
a ticket!
Ear plugs in!
Blinders on!
We trained
for this!
(gunshot)
(grunting)
From now on,
the only place you'll
be watching movies
without having to buy
a ticket is jail.
Oh... oh... (whimpers)
Baby, promise me
you'll find out
who turned me in.
(moans)
It's probably someone
I would never suspect.
Never suspect.
(moans)
Your moans of sympathy
are all I have.
Oh...
HOMER: Whoever did this to me
will be haunted
by unbearable guilt forever!
Forever!
What are you guys in for?
Bank robbery.
Drug trafficking.
What about you?
Movie piracy.
(all gasp)
What?!
People in show business
work hard
to make those movies.
My media stocks under-performed
because of people like you.
My brother lost his job
as a grip
on a movie set
because of piracy.
He had to sell his Jet Ski.
A grip without a Jet Ski
ain't no grip at all!
(yelling)
You're about to find out
what we do to
copyright infringers.
(yelling)
(tires screech)
(all clamoring)
(train horn blowing
in distance)
Uh... huh?
(horn blowing)
Huh...? (screams)
(men yelling)
(grunting)
(screams)
Whoo-hoo!
It's almost
like having Dad here.
Only with less growling
when I go near his food.
I just want to know who
dropped the dime on Dad.
Lousy rat.
Maybe the person
that turned your father in
thought they were doing
the right thing.
Homer just pirated a movie.
But it's not the worst thing
Dad ever did.
It's not even the worst kind
of pirate Dad's ever been.
Lisa, tell your brother
that stealing is wrong,
no matter what.
I don't know.
It wasn't like Dad was
stealing for himself.
He created this wonderful
experience for the whole town.
I just can't imagine
anyone turning him in.
(door creaking open)
Dad, Dad, you're back,
you're back!
Hey!
Dad, you're back! Dad!
Homer, what are you doing
out of prison?
You have to go back
and give yourself up.
I can't go back to jail!
There's no shampoo, just soap!
Wait, I know one place
in Springfield
that doesn't care
about Internet piracy laws.
Thanks for taking us in.
Our family always
appreciates asylum.
This consulate is
like being on Swedish soil.
You're as safe here as you would
be in the Skatteskrapan.
(whistles)
Your country
doesn't think illegally
downloading movies is wrong?
The people of Sweden believe
all movies should
be shared freely.
How is that not stealing?
Bah, your Hollywood studios
are the real thieves,
claiming all their hit movies
have lost money.
I spit on their bookkeeping.
Yeah, and why don't they
make a sequel to Taken
where The Hangover guys
get taken
and the only ones
that could rescue them
is Fast and Furious.
Aw, man, I would
love to pirate that.
As would
the proud people of Sweden.
(sirens blaring)
(tires screeching)
They've found us!
There's only one surefire way
to get fugitives
out of a foreign building--
blasting death metal.
d Respecting the law,
respecting the law d
d Copyright law,
copyright law d
d Copyright law,
copyright law... d
You like this?
Oh-oh, Swedes love death metal.
It reminds us of death.
Damn those Peace Prize-giving
fish-smokers.
I'm so tired of being trapped
in this embassy.
Consulate.
Consulates are regional offices,
which serve the embassy
in the capitol.
Thank you so much
for sticking with me
through all this.
You're the greatest
wife in the world.
(moaning)
It was me!
I was the one who
told the FBI.
You?
How could you?
You're my own flesh and blood.
I was just trying
to do the right thing.
Who would've thought
the authorities
would use a confession
against me?
Have you forgotten what you
promised at our wedding?
To love and cherish?
To aid and abet?
I never wanted
to say funny vows.
Well, you did!
And they got laughs.
Solid laughs!
I didn't mean
for this to happen,
but you were stealing.
All I ever had was
you looking out for me.
I got nothing now.
d
All rise in the matter
of The People vs.
Homer Simpson.
The people call Hollywood
ultra-producer, Judd Apatow.
Homer Simpson is
an enemy of art.
Art created by writers,
directors,
and the guy who uses a computer
to erase or enhance nipples.
And not just the people
who dream for a living,
but the people
who depend on us.
The spin class instructors,
the personal rabbis, Seth Rogen.
(laughing)
(crying):
It's true, I need him.
I saw a bootleg DVD
of The 40 Year Old Virgin
for sale at a car wash.
They left off
my director's commentary!
It didn't even have
a blooper reel!
(all groaning)
(gavel banging)
Homer Simpson,
you have been found guilty
of illegal reproduction
and distribution
of copyrighted material.
Before sentencing, do you have
anything to say for yourself?
No.
Homer, tell them
your side of the story.
I know I hurt you,
but please trust me now.
It'll work.
You know what, Judge Apatow?
I do have something to say.
These movie people
may say I'm a pirate,
but I'm just a man.
A man who loved Hollywood
too much.
So I made my own rules
and fought the big guys
who tried to destroy
my way of life.
He doesn't sound
like a villain.
He sounds
like a classic underdog.
He's the unlikeliest
of heroes!
But where's
the love story?
At first my wife
didn't believe in me.
Maybe we forgot why we fell
in love in the first place.
But when times seemed darkest,
one minute ago,
she was there and gave me
the strength and courage
to fight for what I believe in.
He's a downloading David
versus a greedy Goliath.
An Erin Brockovich
but with more cleavage!
Two, three... Good
Lord, he's hitting
all four quadrants!
One family, against all odds,
took on the system...
and lost.
(clamoring)
Mr. Simpson, I'd like to buy
the rights to make a movie
based on your true story.
I'm attached
as executive producer!
Attached! Attached!
One movie?
We envision a trilogy.
Will Smith's family wants
to play your family.
I'd be Jaden.
(all clamoring)
On behalf of Hollywood,
we are dropping all charges.
These people hate my dad.
How can they want
to make a movie about him?
Hollywood may be run
by big corporations
trying to squash people,
but they make movies
about people standing up
to big corporations
trying to squash them
and winning.
I'll sign with whoever
can convince Channing Tatum
to gain the most weight
to play me.
Surprise!
Surprise!
Surprise!
What the hell
is all this?
We're so excited
about your movie
that we're having
a special screening.
But the movie isn't in theaters
till next week.
Yeah, we ripped a version
off Bootleg Bay
just like you taught us.
It's still got timecode on it,
but, otherwise,
it's a clean copy.
(chuckles)
You're pirating
my movie?
The hell you are!
Piracy is stealing!
You're taking money out
of my family's mouths!
(gasping)
But the movie is... i-it's
about you pirating movies.
Oh, that's Hollywood fantasy.
We live in the real world,
where I have something called...
prof-it par-tic-i-pa-tion.
That's negative, man.
Oh, Homie...
Now all of you go see my movie
in the theater the day it opens!
No bargain matinees!
And tell your friends
it was great!
Buy the stuff they advertise
in the commercials before it!
Homer in the movie
wears Ask Body Spray
and so should you!
Don't ask! Do smell!
Homie, do you really think
you should be...
Up-bup-bup-bup-bup!
What have we learned about not
blindly supporting our husband?
Ask Body Spray!
But then when times
seemed darkest,
she was there; she gave me
the strength and courage
to fight for what I believe in.
On behalf of Hollywood,
we're dropping all charges!
(cheering)
(laughing)
So what do you think, Lise?
Who are the good guys here,
the media companies or
the Internet freedom guys?
Well, both groups claim
their intentions are noble,
but at the end of the day,
they're both trying to steal
as much money as they can.
So... everyone's a pirate?
And the worst one of all is...