The Simpsons (1989–…): Season 25, Episode 6 - The Kid Is All Right - full transcript
Lisa is distressed when she discovers that her new friend is a Republican, and they wind up running against each other as Springfield Elementary's second grade representative.
(metronome ticking)
(classical music playing)
(jazz music playing)
♪ The Simpsons 25x06 ♪
The Kid Is All Right
Original Air Date on November 24, 2013
(classical music playing)
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
(jazz music playing)
(low note blaring)
(classical music playing)
(chugging)
(dramatic classical
music playing)
(bluesy sax riff plays)
(all playing blues)
(orchestra playing bluesy song)
(whistle blows)
(tromping footsteps)
(playing rock version of
The Simpsons theme song)
(jazz music playing)
(all playing The Simpsons
theme song)
(playing jazz version of
The Simpsons theme song)
(bell ringing, kids cheering)
♪ One is the loneliest number
♪ That you'll ever do
♪ Two can be as bad as one
♪ It's the loneliest number
since the number one ♪
♪ No is the saddest experience
you'll ever know ♪
♪ Yes, it's the saddest
experience you'll ever know ♪
(grunts)
♪ 'Cause one is the loneliest
number that you'll ever do ♪
♪ One is the loneliest
number, worse than two ♪
♪ And one...
You know, I really think
I've made my point.
(thunder crashes)
Oh, the rain has washed
away the playground shed!
I'm being chased by sports!
It's called "precipitation,"
'cause it never fails
to precipitate unruly behavior.
(thunder crashes)
And saddest of all, those who do not
have a friend to play with in the rain,
doomed to get only
single pneumonia.
A spit wad?
Well, at least I'm
getting some attention.
And the best part is I'm bombarding
her with her own homework.
(laughs)
(sighs)
(screams)
Begone!
(hisses)
(chuckles)
Well, you're never
alone surrounded by...
The Autobiography
of Charles Manson?
(screams)
Hmm.
Huh?
Hi. New kid, second grade.
Don't you love the rain?
(gasps) New kid?
- Uh, have you made any friends?
- Just Charlotte, Emily and Anne.
(gasps) That's a reference
to the Bronte sisters!
(gasps) You got my reference
to the Bronte sisters?!
Nice to meet you, Lisa Simpson.
How do you know my name?
I deciphered the anagrams
on your notebook.
Oh.
Be Lisa?
(gasps) Isabel!
(both giggle)
HOMER:
Ooh, spaghetti.
(phone ringing)
Y'ello!
Lisa, you got a call from
someone named Isabel.
(gasps)
May I ask what
this is regarding?
Ooh! A budding new friendship?
Oh!
Boy, how come you can't
get a new friend?
What's wrong with the one I got?
I finally got that M&M
out of my inner ear.
I remembered correctly;
it was a green one!
Don't eat it. It's
been in his ear.
Don't eat it. It's
been in his ear.
Don't eat it. It's been in the
boy's ear and the dog's mouth.
Don't eat it.
Oh, for God's sake!
And don't you hate being
the middle child?
Yeah. In the car, I always
have to sit on the hump.
It makes reading impossible.
MARGE: Lisa, your
food's getting cold!
It's raw veggies.
They're supposed to be cold!
Well, someone who loves you
put melted butter on them!
Thank you, Mr. Bergstrom. I'll
tell Lisa you dropped by.
I better go.
Okay, but one more thing:
I noticed we're both doing presentations
on Franklin Roosevelt at school.
Why don't we do them together?
(quietly): Oh, my God. Someone
wants to be my partner.
Can't screw this up.
Downloading, downloading, downloading,
downloading, downloading...
(computer chimes,
electronic fanfare plays)
Whoo-hoo!
(clears throat)
Franklin Roosevelt bravely instituted a
series of reforms called the New Deal.
Which ran totally counter to America's
tradition of limited government.
P.S. It was also
unconstitutional.
Oh?
Um, FDR's steadfast leadership also
helped America win World War Two.
Until the weak-kneed Democrats
sold us out at Yalta.
If you haven't guessed,
Lisa, I'm a Republican.
- A Lincoln Republican?
- Not really.
- A Reagan Republican?
- Keep going.
First President Bush?
- Getting there.
- Oh, dear God.
(chuckles)
I must say, Lisa, it was amusing to
see you thoroughly de-high-horsed.
That isn't a word.
Ooh, back on the
saddle she climbs.
I just can't believe someone
like you would be a Republican.
I mean, isn't your
last name Gutiérrez?
Just what exactly
are you saying?
I'm just saying that
people of your heritage--
which could be any one of many
heritages, I'm not pigeonholing...
Is it a Catholic thing?
I'm a non-observant
Jew from Argentina.
Ay, caramba!
Do you even know
what that means?
Uh, there-there's a
caramba in my eye?
It's the Spanish version
of "hot damn."
Ay, caramba!
Hmm? Lisa, is everything okay?
Yes. Why?
Because you're doing your homework
and you don't look happy.
(groans)
My new best friend
isn't what I thought.
She's a...
Republican!
(laughs)
What is so funny? They're
destroying the world!
They are, huh?
I thought I'd show you this
when you were older, but...
(gasps)
You voted for Reagan?!
MARGE: It was a crazy
time, the '80s.
You don't hear me listening to
the Thompson Twins anymore.
Although...
(tape warbles)
♪ Hold me now...
(humming along)
So, you were going
through a phase?
- Mm-hmm.
- All right, '80s party! Where's the beef?
Tear down that wall!
Because I think the beef
is behind that wall!
Hmm.
Hmm.
♪ You say I'm a dreamer...
Now get up here, boy! We're gonna
do "The Super Bowl Shuffle."
No! You never let me
be Mike Singletary!
Fine. You're Mike Singletary. Enjoy
your mediocre coaching career.
♪ My name is Homer,
I'm a real fullback ♪
♪ Gonna run that ball,
don't want no flack ♪
♪ If you try to run, you'll
get a heart attack ♪
Why you little...!
♪ Hey, big man, don't
want no trouble ♪
♪ I'm just here to do
"The Super Bowl... ♪
♪ Shuffle..."
Excuse me.
(grunting)
People's views change.
Bobby Kennedy worked
for Joe McCarthy.
Larry David was on Fridays.
- What are you trying to say?
- Isabel's only eight. As she grows up,
surprising things will
happen to her body...
of beliefs.
But she could always use
a friend like you.
Hmm.
Hmm.
- Isabel?
- Lisa?
- Listen, I'm really sorry about...
- No, it's okay.
My mom says you're just going
through a liberal phase.
What?! My mom says you're going
through a conservative phase.
There's no such thing. Conservatives
only get more conservative.
Because every year, they get a little
further through Atlas Shrugged.
Listen, we're both
eight years old.
Can't we just play
Monopoly or something?
My father owns a monopoly!
(whirring)
That young filly is exactly the kind of
candidate we need to start recruiting!
She's a young, dynamic Latina.
Yee-haw! I said that just right!
Without the Hispanic vote, even
Texas is poised to turn blue.
Blue!
Yeah, we must reach her and groom her
before she fattens up like Chris Christie.
He thinks GOP stands for
"Gravy on Pancakes."
(laughter)
But despite my mirthful remarks,
obesity is no laughing matter.
(chuckles)
Just can't resist those
words, "sign-up sheet."
Oh, looks like I'll be
running against Isabel.
And Ralph?
Just call me Ralph Nader.
- I don't know why.
- Isabel!
I want this campaign
to be about the issues:
same-sex field trip buddies, providing
class pets with a path to citizenship...
And no digging up
past relationships.
Sure, Lisa and I dated.
Sure, she broke my heart.
I'm sure your researchers
know all about it.
- This is the first I've heard of it.
- Really? But I got this!
Ew.
How long has it been since
you washed your stomach?
You can't ask that anymore!
(chuckles nervously)
Quit shoving!
I'd like a word
with you, young lady.
- How did you get in there?
- Slid in through the grates.
Here's the scoop.
You're our future, so we can't
afford to have you lose.
And I love the Spanish-- from the
Inquisition to the delightful Franco years.
What are you talking about?
Move over! I know how
to talk to kids.
We want to give you
a little present.
A tainted victory that
will haunt you forever.
I'd rather do this myself.
But who'd own you then?
You couldn't buy me with a
wheelbarrow full of ice cream.
Whoa, nicely done.
You've charmed another one right into
the arms of the Libertarian Party.
Maybe we can help her without
her knowing we're helping her.
No one says I can't buy
a second grade election.
Why, I had enough money to fix
People Magazine's
Sexiest Man Alive.
Most of the money went to
convincing them that I was alive.
Who ordered the Yumboni?
Right here! Now, Smithers, I
want you to eat this for me.
Describe every taste. And don't
forget the brain freeze.
Sir, I am lactose-intolerant.
And I'm back-talk-allergic!
So start eating!
(groans)
Have a great day, kids.
And, Bart, I'll pick you up after
school to take you to karate lessons.
Mom, after six weeks, I figured out that
Sensei Weinstein is really my psychiatrist.
Either way, for 45 minutes,
you're not my problem, sweetie.
(horn honking)
(gasps)
Don't worry, Lisa, despite the paid
ad, I am strictly middle of the road.
Idiot!
(horns honking)
Pick a lane!
(tires screech)
Wha...?!
What are you doing?!
I'm as bewildered as you are.
I don't know why, but the Springfield
Republican Party is grooming me.
Grooming? Yuck!
Unfortunately, I can't stop it.
The Supreme Court says
spending money is free speech.
Well, then you could use
your free speech
to denounce this intrusion of
big money into our election.
Mm, I'll think about it while I'm on
my listening tour of the cafeteria.
(slurring):
Pour me another.
What are you doing?
It's imaginary.
Fine.
I got to go.
I'll see you later.
(humming a tune)
(grunting)
Ay, caramba!
Bart, I need you to help
me win the election.
I can help, but it's
gonna get rough.
- I'm fine with rough.
- You don't know what rough is.
That ain't rough. More
like a gentle breeze.
Maggie hits harder.
Did the good night pixie
just kiss my cheek?
Ow! Okay, you got my attention.
You want to win this election?
Then from now on, you
do exactly what I say.
You got it.
First, go make me
five pans of brownies.
You're just taking advantage
of the situation.
Hmm, maybe Isabel likes baking.
Cakey or gooey?
I'll make both.
First, we reel them in.
Then, we scare the
hell out of them.
By discussing the
school's budget crisis?
No, with balls to the head.
(blows whistle)
Bombardment!
I associate Isabel with
a pain in my tummy.
Bombardment?
(groans)
Miss Simpson, your platform calls for
the creation of a student-run garden.
Organic gardening is
an essential part
of 21st century education,
teaching both hands-on...
And what programs would you cut to pay
for this precious garden of yours?
The new Wiffle bats?
Pizza Friday?
(gasps)
Not Pizza Friday!
Sorry, Lisa, you lose again.
(air horn blares)
You got to get on
your game, sister.
You think I'm tough? Wait till
Gutiérrez sinks her teeth into you.
Remember, you got
an ace in the hole:
chocolate milk
in the water fountains.
That's impossible.
We've already had the best
plumbers in the city look into it.
Hey, we'll worry about
that after you're elected.
- (groaning)
- (whistling)
What are you so happy about?
It's in the bag, Lis.
Once everybody sees this.
Training wheels. She still
uses training wheels.
(snickers)
And watch this.
(crying)
Excellent.
What am I doing?
Untent! Untent!
Oh, Bart, I want to
win, but not like this.
I'm sorry, you're fired.
Leave the bottle.
I bet by the end of the night,
you're gonna look pretty good.
Welcome to our first in a
series of 37 debates--
good Lord-- before the
elementary school elections.
You're a booger head!
And I say we move beyond name-calling
to solve our real problems.
(all booing)
Booger head!
Vote for whoever you want to.
To me, these are both losers.
Now, the second grade debate between
Isabel Gutiérrez and Lisa Simp-a-son.
Sounds weird.
Mm.
ISABEL:
Ivy Agee,
Frank Marino, Glen Gloyd.
These are men who
fought at Omaha Beach.
And they are the reason I'm
running for second grade rep.
Dios los bendiga a todos.
(students cheering)
I'll bet my bologna sandwich
that girl's gonna win.
Oh, a little rich
for my blood, sir.
Yes, you can fog a mirror, Seymour,
but I wouldn't call you alive.
Now, the other candidate,
Lisa Simpson.
Okay, I'm a liberal.
And sometimes that's
a dirty word.
(laughter)
Liberal.
But what liberal really means
is someone who believes
that those who have more than enough should
share a little with those who don't.
And those principles have
consistently been in place
during this country's
most prosperous times.
So if that's a liberal,
then I am a liberal.
And hang me.
(screams)
Sorry, we're just setting up for
An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge.
(groaning)
Ooh.
The Democratic Party pantheon.
Such lofty ideals.
(gasps)
And here come the spirits.
Michael Dukakis, Walter
Mondale, John Kerry?
These are all losers!
I'm afraid you're heading
for a loss, Lisa.
And when we lose, we lose big.
What about Obama? Harry Truman?
Bill Clinton?
Lisa, you're a lot like me.
Play the saxophone, come from a small
town, raised by a mother with no help.
So, do you know how I can win?
I don't even know why I'm a ghost.
All these guys are alive.
John Kerry here is Secretary of State.
Doing a bang-up job.
Well, we still have a long way
to go on Asian currency issues.
Absolutely.
And, Lisa, I'm only
appearing in this dream
so I can visit with you about
the Clinton Global Initiative.
See, our mission is to
turn ideas into action.
And to find innovative
solutions that will hel...
- (snoring)
- Hey, hey, hey!
You can't fall
asleep in a dream!
(snoring)
(groans)
I know what I've got to do.
Hello, Isabel? Listen...
(snores)
(groaning)
CGI also convenes CGI America,
a meeting devoted to economic
recovery and job creation.
You used to be fun!
Kevin Costner used
to be a movie star.
Get over it.
And now for their final debate,
please welcome,
uh, Li... um...
Li-sa? Li-sa, uh, Simpsone.
Yes.
And, uh, Isabel
Adolpho-Guzman-Lopez Gutiérrez.
Uh, ladies.
(grunts)
I just want to say, I don't
care about politics,
electioneering or
negative campaigning.
If my friend Lisa
wins, so be it.
(speaks Spanish)
(cheering)
And I also want
to say that if...
- Time's up.
- But I...
Stop showboating.
(grunts)
Back in the banner shed you go.
SKINNER:
Good morning.
We have completed the tally of the
votes for class representative.
One brief announcement: the tainted
Greek salad has given several students
nightmares involving
Michael Dukakis.
It may recur tonight, so if possible,
have your parents strap you to the bed.
And now the results.
First grade rep-- results delayed
indefinitely due to jelly on the ballots.
Second grade rep--
- Isabel Gutiérrez.
- (grunts)
- Third grade rep, no votes cast. Fourth
grade rep... - Congratulations, Isabel.
- last name Weiner, first name Ima...
- I truly hope you enjoy the Friday
- morning council meetings.
- Simpson!
(crying): And the-the free
snicker doodle cookies.
Smithers, we won!
Drop the balloons!
Ow! Ow! Ooh!
Can I at least
remove the balloons?
- Do it and you'll kill him.
- (groans)
- Hey, Lis.
- Hey.
I'm sorry I fired you.
Eh, no hard feelings.
A lot of good things have
been happening to me.
Mm-hmm.
Thanks, Bart.
I think you might feel better if
you looked at these exit polls.
They find me a
pointy-haired know-it-all.
Yes, but they agreed with
everything you said.
What are you getting at?
53% said they'd
vote for a liberal.
Just not you.
Huh. You hear that, world?
They love my ideas, just not me!
And that is half the battle!
Ha!
Hello, I'm elder
Anderson Cooper.
Welcome to our first debate between
Republican Isabel Gutiérrez
and Lisa Simpson, representing the
Democratic Robot Zombie Coalition.
First question: Ms. Simpson, what would
you do to get America out of Afghanistan?
I'd just throw in the towel
and make it a state.
That's our girl.
(toots twice)
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
Shh!
(classical music playing)
(jazz music playing)
♪ The Simpsons 25x06 ♪
The Kid Is All Right
Original Air Date on November 24, 2013
(classical music playing)
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
(jazz music playing)
(low note blaring)
(classical music playing)
(chugging)
(dramatic classical
music playing)
(bluesy sax riff plays)
(all playing blues)
(orchestra playing bluesy song)
(whistle blows)
(tromping footsteps)
(playing rock version of
The Simpsons theme song)
(jazz music playing)
(all playing The Simpsons
theme song)
(playing jazz version of
The Simpsons theme song)
(bell ringing, kids cheering)
♪ One is the loneliest number
♪ That you'll ever do
♪ Two can be as bad as one
♪ It's the loneliest number
since the number one ♪
♪ No is the saddest experience
you'll ever know ♪
♪ Yes, it's the saddest
experience you'll ever know ♪
(grunts)
♪ 'Cause one is the loneliest
number that you'll ever do ♪
♪ One is the loneliest
number, worse than two ♪
♪ And one...
You know, I really think
I've made my point.
(thunder crashes)
Oh, the rain has washed
away the playground shed!
I'm being chased by sports!
It's called "precipitation,"
'cause it never fails
to precipitate unruly behavior.
(thunder crashes)
And saddest of all, those who do not
have a friend to play with in the rain,
doomed to get only
single pneumonia.
A spit wad?
Well, at least I'm
getting some attention.
And the best part is I'm bombarding
her with her own homework.
(laughs)
(sighs)
(screams)
Begone!
(hisses)
(chuckles)
Well, you're never
alone surrounded by...
The Autobiography
of Charles Manson?
(screams)
Hmm.
Huh?
Hi. New kid, second grade.
Don't you love the rain?
(gasps) New kid?
- Uh, have you made any friends?
- Just Charlotte, Emily and Anne.
(gasps) That's a reference
to the Bronte sisters!
(gasps) You got my reference
to the Bronte sisters?!
Nice to meet you, Lisa Simpson.
How do you know my name?
I deciphered the anagrams
on your notebook.
Oh.
Be Lisa?
(gasps) Isabel!
(both giggle)
HOMER:
Ooh, spaghetti.
(phone ringing)
Y'ello!
Lisa, you got a call from
someone named Isabel.
(gasps)
May I ask what
this is regarding?
Ooh! A budding new friendship?
Oh!
Boy, how come you can't
get a new friend?
What's wrong with the one I got?
I finally got that M&M
out of my inner ear.
I remembered correctly;
it was a green one!
Don't eat it. It's
been in his ear.
Don't eat it. It's
been in his ear.
Don't eat it. It's been in the
boy's ear and the dog's mouth.
Don't eat it.
Oh, for God's sake!
And don't you hate being
the middle child?
Yeah. In the car, I always
have to sit on the hump.
It makes reading impossible.
MARGE: Lisa, your
food's getting cold!
It's raw veggies.
They're supposed to be cold!
Well, someone who loves you
put melted butter on them!
Thank you, Mr. Bergstrom. I'll
tell Lisa you dropped by.
I better go.
Okay, but one more thing:
I noticed we're both doing presentations
on Franklin Roosevelt at school.
Why don't we do them together?
(quietly): Oh, my God. Someone
wants to be my partner.
Can't screw this up.
Downloading, downloading, downloading,
downloading, downloading...
(computer chimes,
electronic fanfare plays)
Whoo-hoo!
(clears throat)
Franklin Roosevelt bravely instituted a
series of reforms called the New Deal.
Which ran totally counter to America's
tradition of limited government.
P.S. It was also
unconstitutional.
Oh?
Um, FDR's steadfast leadership also
helped America win World War Two.
Until the weak-kneed Democrats
sold us out at Yalta.
If you haven't guessed,
Lisa, I'm a Republican.
- A Lincoln Republican?
- Not really.
- A Reagan Republican?
- Keep going.
First President Bush?
- Getting there.
- Oh, dear God.
(chuckles)
I must say, Lisa, it was amusing to
see you thoroughly de-high-horsed.
That isn't a word.
Ooh, back on the
saddle she climbs.
I just can't believe someone
like you would be a Republican.
I mean, isn't your
last name Gutiérrez?
Just what exactly
are you saying?
I'm just saying that
people of your heritage--
which could be any one of many
heritages, I'm not pigeonholing...
Is it a Catholic thing?
I'm a non-observant
Jew from Argentina.
Ay, caramba!
Do you even know
what that means?
Uh, there-there's a
caramba in my eye?
It's the Spanish version
of "hot damn."
Ay, caramba!
Hmm? Lisa, is everything okay?
Yes. Why?
Because you're doing your homework
and you don't look happy.
(groans)
My new best friend
isn't what I thought.
She's a...
Republican!
(laughs)
What is so funny? They're
destroying the world!
They are, huh?
I thought I'd show you this
when you were older, but...
(gasps)
You voted for Reagan?!
MARGE: It was a crazy
time, the '80s.
You don't hear me listening to
the Thompson Twins anymore.
Although...
(tape warbles)
♪ Hold me now...
(humming along)
So, you were going
through a phase?
- Mm-hmm.
- All right, '80s party! Where's the beef?
Tear down that wall!
Because I think the beef
is behind that wall!
Hmm.
Hmm.
♪ You say I'm a dreamer...
Now get up here, boy! We're gonna
do "The Super Bowl Shuffle."
No! You never let me
be Mike Singletary!
Fine. You're Mike Singletary. Enjoy
your mediocre coaching career.
♪ My name is Homer,
I'm a real fullback ♪
♪ Gonna run that ball,
don't want no flack ♪
♪ If you try to run, you'll
get a heart attack ♪
Why you little...!
♪ Hey, big man, don't
want no trouble ♪
♪ I'm just here to do
"The Super Bowl... ♪
♪ Shuffle..."
Excuse me.
(grunting)
People's views change.
Bobby Kennedy worked
for Joe McCarthy.
Larry David was on Fridays.
- What are you trying to say?
- Isabel's only eight. As she grows up,
surprising things will
happen to her body...
of beliefs.
But she could always use
a friend like you.
Hmm.
Hmm.
- Isabel?
- Lisa?
- Listen, I'm really sorry about...
- No, it's okay.
My mom says you're just going
through a liberal phase.
What?! My mom says you're going
through a conservative phase.
There's no such thing. Conservatives
only get more conservative.
Because every year, they get a little
further through Atlas Shrugged.
Listen, we're both
eight years old.
Can't we just play
Monopoly or something?
My father owns a monopoly!
(whirring)
That young filly is exactly the kind of
candidate we need to start recruiting!
She's a young, dynamic Latina.
Yee-haw! I said that just right!
Without the Hispanic vote, even
Texas is poised to turn blue.
Blue!
Yeah, we must reach her and groom her
before she fattens up like Chris Christie.
He thinks GOP stands for
"Gravy on Pancakes."
(laughter)
But despite my mirthful remarks,
obesity is no laughing matter.
(chuckles)
Just can't resist those
words, "sign-up sheet."
Oh, looks like I'll be
running against Isabel.
And Ralph?
Just call me Ralph Nader.
- I don't know why.
- Isabel!
I want this campaign
to be about the issues:
same-sex field trip buddies, providing
class pets with a path to citizenship...
And no digging up
past relationships.
Sure, Lisa and I dated.
Sure, she broke my heart.
I'm sure your researchers
know all about it.
- This is the first I've heard of it.
- Really? But I got this!
Ew.
How long has it been since
you washed your stomach?
You can't ask that anymore!
(chuckles nervously)
Quit shoving!
I'd like a word
with you, young lady.
- How did you get in there?
- Slid in through the grates.
Here's the scoop.
You're our future, so we can't
afford to have you lose.
And I love the Spanish-- from the
Inquisition to the delightful Franco years.
What are you talking about?
Move over! I know how
to talk to kids.
We want to give you
a little present.
A tainted victory that
will haunt you forever.
I'd rather do this myself.
But who'd own you then?
You couldn't buy me with a
wheelbarrow full of ice cream.
Whoa, nicely done.
You've charmed another one right into
the arms of the Libertarian Party.
Maybe we can help her without
her knowing we're helping her.
No one says I can't buy
a second grade election.
Why, I had enough money to fix
People Magazine's
Sexiest Man Alive.
Most of the money went to
convincing them that I was alive.
Who ordered the Yumboni?
Right here! Now, Smithers, I
want you to eat this for me.
Describe every taste. And don't
forget the brain freeze.
Sir, I am lactose-intolerant.
And I'm back-talk-allergic!
So start eating!
(groans)
Have a great day, kids.
And, Bart, I'll pick you up after
school to take you to karate lessons.
Mom, after six weeks, I figured out that
Sensei Weinstein is really my psychiatrist.
Either way, for 45 minutes,
you're not my problem, sweetie.
(horn honking)
(gasps)
Don't worry, Lisa, despite the paid
ad, I am strictly middle of the road.
Idiot!
(horns honking)
Pick a lane!
(tires screech)
Wha...?!
What are you doing?!
I'm as bewildered as you are.
I don't know why, but the Springfield
Republican Party is grooming me.
Grooming? Yuck!
Unfortunately, I can't stop it.
The Supreme Court says
spending money is free speech.
Well, then you could use
your free speech
to denounce this intrusion of
big money into our election.
Mm, I'll think about it while I'm on
my listening tour of the cafeteria.
(slurring):
Pour me another.
What are you doing?
It's imaginary.
Fine.
I got to go.
I'll see you later.
(humming a tune)
(grunting)
Ay, caramba!
Bart, I need you to help
me win the election.
I can help, but it's
gonna get rough.
- I'm fine with rough.
- You don't know what rough is.
That ain't rough. More
like a gentle breeze.
Maggie hits harder.
Did the good night pixie
just kiss my cheek?
Ow! Okay, you got my attention.
You want to win this election?
Then from now on, you
do exactly what I say.
You got it.
First, go make me
five pans of brownies.
You're just taking advantage
of the situation.
Hmm, maybe Isabel likes baking.
Cakey or gooey?
I'll make both.
First, we reel them in.
Then, we scare the
hell out of them.
By discussing the
school's budget crisis?
No, with balls to the head.
(blows whistle)
Bombardment!
I associate Isabel with
a pain in my tummy.
Bombardment?
(groans)
Miss Simpson, your platform calls for
the creation of a student-run garden.
Organic gardening is
an essential part
of 21st century education,
teaching both hands-on...
And what programs would you cut to pay
for this precious garden of yours?
The new Wiffle bats?
Pizza Friday?
(gasps)
Not Pizza Friday!
Sorry, Lisa, you lose again.
(air horn blares)
You got to get on
your game, sister.
You think I'm tough? Wait till
Gutiérrez sinks her teeth into you.
Remember, you got
an ace in the hole:
chocolate milk
in the water fountains.
That's impossible.
We've already had the best
plumbers in the city look into it.
Hey, we'll worry about
that after you're elected.
- (groaning)
- (whistling)
What are you so happy about?
It's in the bag, Lis.
Once everybody sees this.
Training wheels. She still
uses training wheels.
(snickers)
And watch this.
(crying)
Excellent.
What am I doing?
Untent! Untent!
Oh, Bart, I want to
win, but not like this.
I'm sorry, you're fired.
Leave the bottle.
I bet by the end of the night,
you're gonna look pretty good.
Welcome to our first in a
series of 37 debates--
good Lord-- before the
elementary school elections.
You're a booger head!
And I say we move beyond name-calling
to solve our real problems.
(all booing)
Booger head!
Vote for whoever you want to.
To me, these are both losers.
Now, the second grade debate between
Isabel Gutiérrez and Lisa Simp-a-son.
Sounds weird.
Mm.
ISABEL:
Ivy Agee,
Frank Marino, Glen Gloyd.
These are men who
fought at Omaha Beach.
And they are the reason I'm
running for second grade rep.
Dios los bendiga a todos.
(students cheering)
I'll bet my bologna sandwich
that girl's gonna win.
Oh, a little rich
for my blood, sir.
Yes, you can fog a mirror, Seymour,
but I wouldn't call you alive.
Now, the other candidate,
Lisa Simpson.
Okay, I'm a liberal.
And sometimes that's
a dirty word.
(laughter)
Liberal.
But what liberal really means
is someone who believes
that those who have more than enough should
share a little with those who don't.
And those principles have
consistently been in place
during this country's
most prosperous times.
So if that's a liberal,
then I am a liberal.
And hang me.
(screams)
Sorry, we're just setting up for
An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge.
(groaning)
Ooh.
The Democratic Party pantheon.
Such lofty ideals.
(gasps)
And here come the spirits.
Michael Dukakis, Walter
Mondale, John Kerry?
These are all losers!
I'm afraid you're heading
for a loss, Lisa.
And when we lose, we lose big.
What about Obama? Harry Truman?
Bill Clinton?
Lisa, you're a lot like me.
Play the saxophone, come from a small
town, raised by a mother with no help.
So, do you know how I can win?
I don't even know why I'm a ghost.
All these guys are alive.
John Kerry here is Secretary of State.
Doing a bang-up job.
Well, we still have a long way
to go on Asian currency issues.
Absolutely.
And, Lisa, I'm only
appearing in this dream
so I can visit with you about
the Clinton Global Initiative.
See, our mission is to
turn ideas into action.
And to find innovative
solutions that will hel...
- (snoring)
- Hey, hey, hey!
You can't fall
asleep in a dream!
(snoring)
(groans)
I know what I've got to do.
Hello, Isabel? Listen...
(snores)
(groaning)
CGI also convenes CGI America,
a meeting devoted to economic
recovery and job creation.
You used to be fun!
Kevin Costner used
to be a movie star.
Get over it.
And now for their final debate,
please welcome,
uh, Li... um...
Li-sa? Li-sa, uh, Simpsone.
Yes.
And, uh, Isabel
Adolpho-Guzman-Lopez Gutiérrez.
Uh, ladies.
(grunts)
I just want to say, I don't
care about politics,
electioneering or
negative campaigning.
If my friend Lisa
wins, so be it.
(speaks Spanish)
(cheering)
And I also want
to say that if...
- Time's up.
- But I...
Stop showboating.
(grunts)
Back in the banner shed you go.
SKINNER:
Good morning.
We have completed the tally of the
votes for class representative.
One brief announcement: the tainted
Greek salad has given several students
nightmares involving
Michael Dukakis.
It may recur tonight, so if possible,
have your parents strap you to the bed.
And now the results.
First grade rep-- results delayed
indefinitely due to jelly on the ballots.
Second grade rep--
- Isabel Gutiérrez.
- (grunts)
- Third grade rep, no votes cast. Fourth
grade rep... - Congratulations, Isabel.
- last name Weiner, first name Ima...
- I truly hope you enjoy the Friday
- morning council meetings.
- Simpson!
(crying): And the-the free
snicker doodle cookies.
Smithers, we won!
Drop the balloons!
Ow! Ow! Ooh!
Can I at least
remove the balloons?
- Do it and you'll kill him.
- (groans)
- Hey, Lis.
- Hey.
I'm sorry I fired you.
Eh, no hard feelings.
A lot of good things have
been happening to me.
Mm-hmm.
Thanks, Bart.
I think you might feel better if
you looked at these exit polls.
They find me a
pointy-haired know-it-all.
Yes, but they agreed with
everything you said.
What are you getting at?
53% said they'd
vote for a liberal.
Just not you.
Huh. You hear that, world?
They love my ideas, just not me!
And that is half the battle!
Ha!
Hello, I'm elder
Anderson Cooper.
Welcome to our first debate between
Republican Isabel Gutiérrez
and Lisa Simpson, representing the
Democratic Robot Zombie Coalition.
First question: Ms. Simpson, what would
you do to get America out of Afghanistan?
I'd just throw in the towel
and make it a state.
That's our girl.
(toots twice)
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
Shh!