The Simpsons (1989–…): Season 25, Episode 16 - You Don't Have to Live Like a Referee - full transcript
Homer becomes a referee for the World Cup and finds himself tested by bribers when the Simpsons travel to Brazil.
(panting)
D'oh!
(tires screech)
(grunts)
(bull bellows)
(all panting)
(bellows)
(snorts)
Children, you're in for a treat.
Today's assembly is devoted
To a special kind of history.
(kids booing)
Living history.
(kids booing louder)
End this madness!
We have two guests who have come
from springfield!
We come from springfield!
Illinois! 1858.
Please welcome, here to debate
the important issues of the day,
Stephen douglas
and abraham lincoln!
I appear before you
today for the purpose
Of discussing the leading
political topics
Which now agitate
the public mind.
(kids booing)
Hit the dirt, squirt!
Well, it seems the, uh...
The good landowners
Of springfield elementary
are rejecting
Mr. Douglas's position
on tariffs.
Get a room!
I shared beds with men
all the time.
(chuckles):
It was a common practice.
Ooh, common practice.
(kids laugh, milhouse gasps)
Please, good people!
These are times
of powerful passion.
(grunting)
Why are you
concussing yourself?
Why are you concussing
yourself?
Now, fellow countrymen,
A house divided
against itself...
Ow!
Guess what,
I also play frankenstein!
(growls)
(kids screaming)
Douglas is getting away!
Skinner!
I have seven
other principals,
And I've never yelled their
names, not even once.
You know what these kids lack?
Well, certainly not
a caring superintendent.
(chuckles):
Well, I, uh...
(clears throat)
Respect.
That's what these kids lack.
So we will hold a contest
To make them tell us
who they respect--
Who their heroes are.
A contest?
But, sir, we don't have
Any money to pay
for prizes.
We had to rent out
our multipurpose room
To a japanese-american
social club.
(pachinko machines ringing)
Tanpatsu!
The answer is simple, seymour:
Get a corporate sponsor.
But don't worry, you won't
have to compromise yourself.
So, from now on,
our cafeteria will only serve
Delicious stuffwich's heroes,
hoagies and torpedoes.
What about po' boys?
Sorry, nelson. Poor boys such
as yourself will go hungry.
Now please welcome the star
of stuffwich's ads--
Who lost 400 pounds
eating only stuffwich subs--
Ezra!
Tell us your hero,
And you could win a stuffwich
college scholarship.
(kids exclaim)
Then you can be
a hero like me.
What makes you a hero?
I don't eat as
much as I did!
Nelson:
So the chained-up dude
Cuts off his own foot
to save his family from jigsaw!
(voice breaking):
My hero is my mom's boyfriend
Who took me to that movie
when I was three.
I call him uncle rob because...
He robbed us!
(sobbing)
(giggles)
Madame curie, we just might have
this one in the bag.
(ralph giggles)
(laughs)
My hero--
Or should I say heroine--
Dazzled the early 20th century
With her scientific
discoveries...
(gasps)
okay, calm down.
Maybe he's talking about
margaret mead.
...In the field
of radioactivity!
(gasps)
I give you
Madame marie sklodowska-curie!
("la marseillaise" playing)
(gasps)
no!
No, no, no, no!
(sobbing)
Martin took my topic.
What do I do?
Oh, just make a
speech about dad.
Everyone does that.
Everyone does that
with good dads.
But with our dad, it's like
climbing mount everest.
You either plant your flag
at the top of the world
Or get frozen
in agony forever.
Either way,
hell of a show.
(music plays, kids cheering)
People, please!
Martin has left the building.
He had an orthodontist
appointment.
(groans)
Okay, dad's my hero.
Why is he my hero?
? we can be heroes ?
? just for one day ?
? we can be heroes... ?
(grunts)
Marge, it happened again!
Skinner (over p.A.):
Lisa? Lisa simpson?
You have ten seconds
to get to the podium.
I'm allowed to eat these!
Our final contestant
is lisa simpson,
Who was last seen
leaving in tears.
Near tears.
But not in them?
No.
My hero isn't famous...
(scoffs)
loser.
...Isn't rich...
Pathetic.
...And isn't in
any history books.
He makes me sick.
He's my dad.
What?!
He worked two jobs
To get me a pony,
He started me playing
the saxophone you all love...
(murmuring dubiously)
...And anyone can put
a band-aid on,
But my dad knows how to
take it off so it doesn't hurt.
Well, ah.
Oh.
The trick is:
Wait several weeks.
And when my dad
was a soccer referee,
He had the guts to red card me,
His only talking daughter,
because he knew I was diving.
In the history of soccer,
He is the only parent to ever
take sides against his own kid,
And he was right.
He made me a better person,
because that's what heroes do.
That's what heroes do.
(microphone feedback squeals)
(crowd cheering)
I'm so glad
I was forced to come.
People, people... We have a tie!
(clamoring)
Yes, which means
that nobody wins.
The money goes back
in the school general fund.
But we will put
both speeches online.
Behind a paywall.
Now, please fold up your chairs
and stack them.
? cause I'm
a grade school hero ?
? lisa never lies ?
? I'm a grade school hero ?
? and heroes never die ?
? just one guitar! ?
? slung way down low! ?
? yeah, one guitar! ?
? where did my lawnmower go? ?
Well, look who's back.
Hmm.
Hey, dad.
Lisa, your speech was
one of the nicest things
Anyone's ever done for me.
When did you come up
with the idea?
You must've worked
on it for days.
Oh, dad, you don't want
the details.
No one wants to see
the sausage being made.
There's sausage being made?!
Where?!
Homie, there's someone
here to see you.
Coming!
I haven't forgotten
about the sausage.
Mr. Simpson, I am
the executive vice president
Of the world football
federation.
Ooh!
What you americans call
"soccer."
D'oh!
I'm sure you are familiar
with the world cup,
The quadrennial drama
unmatched on the planet!
Oh, yeah. That's the thing
the guys at the dry cleaners
Get so excited about
every four years.
I'm afraid there has been
an epidemic of referees
Being bribed to throw games.
From the premier leagues
to the playgrounds,
All has been tainted.
We need a symbol
of integrity like yourself.
Of course I am,
but how do you know?
Oh, your daughter's speech
went viral.
(shrieks)
No, no, I mean
it spread like wildfire.
Much better.
Mr. Simpson,
please help us.
The rot is everywhere.
In fact, I see that I myself
Am about to be arrested
for corruption.
You will have to take
it from here, peter.
Yes, I will take good care
of your wife.
Wait, what-what does that mean?
Mr. Simpson,
I am the new executive
Vice president of the wff.
We need outsiders like you
to come to the world cup,
As our guest,
and ref our games properly.
Well, no one has ever
questioned my professionalism.
Except at my
profession.
(groans)
What do you think,
sweetie?
Dad, they're offering us
an all-expenses-paid trip
To the greatest sporting
event on earth!
The 2008 super bowl?
Oh, I wish.
Eli manning's pass
to david tyree.
But about the world cup,
I need your answer now.
Oh, sure, why not?
"congratulations
on your purchase
Of a footmaster-brand
soccer ball."
Thanks, book!
Look, you got us
a free trip.
Just slack off and cash your
check like you always do.
I believe the sweet
little girl in 21-d
Would disagree with you.
What the...?!
I switched with her, dad.
My tv didn't work!
Now I can watch
my premium hbo!
(groans)
(humming)
Well, look at you, using
approved electronic devices.
To try to avoid
any misunderstandings in brazil
Like we had the last time,
I'm learning the language.
Computer:
Ol?.
Ol?!
Eu amo o brasil.
Eu amo o brasil!
O que ? um pa?s encantador.
Pilot:
Will you please turn that off?
It's annoying the hell
out of the flight crew.
I was just trying
to learn the...
Everyone thinks they can learn
our language on the plane.
Do you know
how disrespectful that is?
(groans)
All right, just for
that attitude, turbulence.
(plane rattling)
(fanfare plays)
Announcer 1:
Live from sao paulo, we bring
you the world cup round robin
Group f opening-round match!
Today's game is between
our host country,
Football powerhouse brazil...
Crowd:
? ol?, ol?-ol?-ol?. ?
...And luxemburg, whose entire
nation has turned up.
(wind whistling)
Got to hurry.
I've got 998 square miles
to rob!
Ha-ha!
The mighty brazilian squad
features the greatest master
Of the fake injury
soccer has ever known: El divo!
(screams)
(crowd gasps, cheers)
Now let's play human foosball!
(whistle blows)
Announcer 2:
And with brazil maintaining
an insurmountable one-goal lead,
With 28 minutes to play,
let's take a look at the refs.
It says here, "homer simpson
was recruited for his honesty
And utter disinterest."
Announcer 2: How did he get
those shorts on over that arse?
Announcer 1: Rumor has it,
they employed a team of pullers.
(whistle blows, crowd cheers)
Brazil wins it!
And a fairly-called
match it was.
In choosing
homer simpson,
The world cup
has met its goal...!
Andres cantor,
You know that is
incorrect usage.
I have no control...!
This job has
taken its toll...!
Eu gostaria de um...
Hang on, hang on.
...Placa de...
Hang on, hang on.
Here you go, honey.
How'd you eat the meat
without the vegetables?
Well, the stomach
wants what it wants.
(burps)
Oh, I need some air.
Ah, brazil.
I couldn't stay
afraid of you forever.
The only thing that keeps me
from living here
Is that fish
that swims up your pee stream.
That is a deal breaker.
Homer simpson!
I would like to
congratulate you
On your fine
officiating today.
Thanks.
I still can't believe
the yellow and red cards
Don't stand for
mustard and ketchup.
Your disbelief
will fade with time.
But now, I would
like to know
If you are as incorrupt?vel
as they say.
(heavenly music plays)
Oh, that is where
I left my cell phone.
Well?
You don't know the new me
Of the last few days at all!
We will get to him.
We have our ways.
Well, what other ways
besides guns and money?
We have two ways.
Two very good ways.
? samba! ?
Red card!
Let me give
that back to you.
Get out of here!
(crowd cheering)
? ?
Announcer 1:
And as homer officiates,
Looks like we've got a little
action on the bribe cam.
(crowd cheering)
? ?
Man, krusty should get
some of these letters.
(groans)
While you were out,
The gamblers sent up
gold-frosted donuts,
A chocolate bowling ball
and a fresh pork sandwich.
Oh. How fresh?
(pig squeals)
oh!
Where's your mother?
Went to practice her portuguese.
Mm...
"selecionar conta..."
Ooh, ooh, "select account."
Uh, perhaps you could
select the english option?
I did not pay $7.99
for an app
So I could use
the english option.
You americans, you really throw
your $7.99s around.
You know,
you're pretty rude.
(chuckles)
stupid lady.
Give the donuts
to the hotel staff.
Release the pig and
the bowling ball into the wild.
Dad, is it hard for you
to turn these bribes down?
Yes.
But knowing that lisa
chose me as her hero,
Without ever considering
any other hero,
Keeps me strong.
Why so quiet?
I'm just examining
what kind of person I am
And whether I should destroy
your happiness forever.
Eh, why not?
I'm listening.
And it better be devastating.
You weren't lisa's hero.
She just swapped you in
at the last minute
Because someone else
did her real hero.
Oh, my god.
That's... That's shattering.
And now I'm a man in pain
in the naughtiest city
Since san francisco
turned all nerdy.
(groans)
Where are you going?
To drink until there's
no pain left in my soul.
But first I'm gonna eat off
someone else's room service tray
That was left in the hall.
Now that's a broken man.
Hmm.
What the hell
are you doing?
It's okay.
I'm an american.
Oh. Oh. Okay.
So, the rumors are true.
We knew you'd find out
Your daughter's original
speech topic was marie curie.
And now we need you to fix
the greatest game of all:
The world cup final.
Fine.
Marge is always complaining
I never fix things.
Give me another.
All right.
But we've run
out of sugarcane.
I carry my own.
All right, homer.
To begin your
descent into hell,
Let us enjoy
this pirated copy
Of man of steel.
But beware:
Superman was never less fun.
(laughs evilly)
Announcer 2:
Here it is, the world cup final!
Dry cleaner guys:
Yay!
Announcer 2:
Will it be a german blitzkrieg
Or a brazilian waxing?
Nazis!
Nazi harborers!
Guys, guys,
you're both right.
All right, just so there
are no misunderstandings,
You make sure
brazil wins,
And we give you
one million dollars.
If I bet it, I could double it.
But on who?
You know that brazil
is going to win.
Oh, thanks for telling me!
I was gonna tape it.
Remember,
I'll be watching.
Wave a brazilian flag
so you stand out in the crowd.
Don't do it, dad.
Don't cheat.
You're a funny one
to tell me about deception.
I'm sorry you weren't
my first choice.
In fact...
(sighs)
I had my doubts
about using you at all.
Well, if we're gonna be
brutally honest,
That drawing you made of me
when you were three
Was far from
a perfect likeness.
You put it on the fridge!
It was pity-fridged!
All right,
you're hurt.
I understand.
But when I made you my hero,
you lived up to it and more.
You became the hero
I thought you could be, dad.
Oh.
Oh, come here.
Everything's right
with the world.
Except that you're about
to double-cross some gangsters.
That's all right, brain.
If I die,
I'll be doing
the thing I love the most:
Trying not to get killed.
Announcer 2:
This match is tighter
Than two dogs on a summer morn.
There's no score at all.
Even the slightest pebble
could start a landslide.
Announcer 1:
And el divo goes down!
In the box!
Will homer award
a penalty kick to brazil?
Do it. Do it!
Call the penalty!
No penalty!
He dove, dad!
(grunts)
No penalty!
(crowd booing)
I repeat, no penalty!
No penalty.
Announcer 1:
The game, plus two hours
of funeral time,
Is about to conclude.
And with germany
the victor, two-nil,
In an unprecedented
display of rectitude
And stubbornness by
one homer simpson.
I've never seen
the brazilians so depressed.
(sadly):
? ol?... ?
? ol?, ol?, ol?... ?
You broke a deal with us.
And we have lost a fortune!
(gasps)
Well, at least
I'll die the american way.
In a foreign country
wearing short pants.
Wait, wait, wait, wait!
I want to say something!
You have one minute.
Wait!
Let it get to the 12.
N... Now.
Um...
(speaking portuguese)
How's she doing that?
I don't know,
but she's my new hero.
Yeah, I was a little surprised
I wasn't considered before.
Ah, your fluency is impressive.
You can help my son learn hebrew
for his bar mitzvah.
But I'm still killing
your husband.
First, mazel tov.
Second, don't!
Please, please!
I'm a mother.
Surely you have a mother, too.
I do have a mother.
Oh, she's right there.
I'm sorry,
my son.
We owe a debt
to the simpsons
That can never
be repaid.
All that she did was
switch seats on a plane.
On a 15-hour
flight!
You are
free to go.
(dirge playing)
No penalty.
Fine.
(birds squawking)
Wow, the amazon is
just like I pictured it
After seeing all
those pictures online.
I've never seen anything
so beautiful.
(chainsaw buzzing)
The best thing is
I can get locally-
sourced monkey meat.
(hooting)
(shrieks)
Okay, teeny.
Take care
of part two.
(gun cocks)
(hooting, grunting)
Shh!
D'oh!
(tires screech)
(grunts)
(bull bellows)
(all panting)
(bellows)
(snorts)
Children, you're in for a treat.
Today's assembly is devoted
To a special kind of history.
(kids booing)
Living history.
(kids booing louder)
End this madness!
We have two guests who have come
from springfield!
We come from springfield!
Illinois! 1858.
Please welcome, here to debate
the important issues of the day,
Stephen douglas
and abraham lincoln!
I appear before you
today for the purpose
Of discussing the leading
political topics
Which now agitate
the public mind.
(kids booing)
Hit the dirt, squirt!
Well, it seems the, uh...
The good landowners
Of springfield elementary
are rejecting
Mr. Douglas's position
on tariffs.
Get a room!
I shared beds with men
all the time.
(chuckles):
It was a common practice.
Ooh, common practice.
(kids laugh, milhouse gasps)
Please, good people!
These are times
of powerful passion.
(grunting)
Why are you
concussing yourself?
Why are you concussing
yourself?
Now, fellow countrymen,
A house divided
against itself...
Ow!
Guess what,
I also play frankenstein!
(growls)
(kids screaming)
Douglas is getting away!
Skinner!
I have seven
other principals,
And I've never yelled their
names, not even once.
You know what these kids lack?
Well, certainly not
a caring superintendent.
(chuckles):
Well, I, uh...
(clears throat)
Respect.
That's what these kids lack.
So we will hold a contest
To make them tell us
who they respect--
Who their heroes are.
A contest?
But, sir, we don't have
Any money to pay
for prizes.
We had to rent out
our multipurpose room
To a japanese-american
social club.
(pachinko machines ringing)
Tanpatsu!
The answer is simple, seymour:
Get a corporate sponsor.
But don't worry, you won't
have to compromise yourself.
So, from now on,
our cafeteria will only serve
Delicious stuffwich's heroes,
hoagies and torpedoes.
What about po' boys?
Sorry, nelson. Poor boys such
as yourself will go hungry.
Now please welcome the star
of stuffwich's ads--
Who lost 400 pounds
eating only stuffwich subs--
Ezra!
Tell us your hero,
And you could win a stuffwich
college scholarship.
(kids exclaim)
Then you can be
a hero like me.
What makes you a hero?
I don't eat as
much as I did!
Nelson:
So the chained-up dude
Cuts off his own foot
to save his family from jigsaw!
(voice breaking):
My hero is my mom's boyfriend
Who took me to that movie
when I was three.
I call him uncle rob because...
He robbed us!
(sobbing)
(giggles)
Madame curie, we just might have
this one in the bag.
(ralph giggles)
(laughs)
My hero--
Or should I say heroine--
Dazzled the early 20th century
With her scientific
discoveries...
(gasps)
okay, calm down.
Maybe he's talking about
margaret mead.
...In the field
of radioactivity!
(gasps)
I give you
Madame marie sklodowska-curie!
("la marseillaise" playing)
(gasps)
no!
No, no, no, no!
(sobbing)
Martin took my topic.
What do I do?
Oh, just make a
speech about dad.
Everyone does that.
Everyone does that
with good dads.
But with our dad, it's like
climbing mount everest.
You either plant your flag
at the top of the world
Or get frozen
in agony forever.
Either way,
hell of a show.
(music plays, kids cheering)
People, please!
Martin has left the building.
He had an orthodontist
appointment.
(groans)
Okay, dad's my hero.
Why is he my hero?
? we can be heroes ?
? just for one day ?
? we can be heroes... ?
(grunts)
Marge, it happened again!
Skinner (over p.A.):
Lisa? Lisa simpson?
You have ten seconds
to get to the podium.
I'm allowed to eat these!
Our final contestant
is lisa simpson,
Who was last seen
leaving in tears.
Near tears.
But not in them?
No.
My hero isn't famous...
(scoffs)
loser.
...Isn't rich...
Pathetic.
...And isn't in
any history books.
He makes me sick.
He's my dad.
What?!
He worked two jobs
To get me a pony,
He started me playing
the saxophone you all love...
(murmuring dubiously)
...And anyone can put
a band-aid on,
But my dad knows how to
take it off so it doesn't hurt.
Well, ah.
Oh.
The trick is:
Wait several weeks.
And when my dad
was a soccer referee,
He had the guts to red card me,
His only talking daughter,
because he knew I was diving.
In the history of soccer,
He is the only parent to ever
take sides against his own kid,
And he was right.
He made me a better person,
because that's what heroes do.
That's what heroes do.
(microphone feedback squeals)
(crowd cheering)
I'm so glad
I was forced to come.
People, people... We have a tie!
(clamoring)
Yes, which means
that nobody wins.
The money goes back
in the school general fund.
But we will put
both speeches online.
Behind a paywall.
Now, please fold up your chairs
and stack them.
? cause I'm
a grade school hero ?
? lisa never lies ?
? I'm a grade school hero ?
? and heroes never die ?
? just one guitar! ?
? slung way down low! ?
? yeah, one guitar! ?
? where did my lawnmower go? ?
Well, look who's back.
Hmm.
Hey, dad.
Lisa, your speech was
one of the nicest things
Anyone's ever done for me.
When did you come up
with the idea?
You must've worked
on it for days.
Oh, dad, you don't want
the details.
No one wants to see
the sausage being made.
There's sausage being made?!
Where?!
Homie, there's someone
here to see you.
Coming!
I haven't forgotten
about the sausage.
Mr. Simpson, I am
the executive vice president
Of the world football
federation.
Ooh!
What you americans call
"soccer."
D'oh!
I'm sure you are familiar
with the world cup,
The quadrennial drama
unmatched on the planet!
Oh, yeah. That's the thing
the guys at the dry cleaners
Get so excited about
every four years.
I'm afraid there has been
an epidemic of referees
Being bribed to throw games.
From the premier leagues
to the playgrounds,
All has been tainted.
We need a symbol
of integrity like yourself.
Of course I am,
but how do you know?
Oh, your daughter's speech
went viral.
(shrieks)
No, no, I mean
it spread like wildfire.
Much better.
Mr. Simpson,
please help us.
The rot is everywhere.
In fact, I see that I myself
Am about to be arrested
for corruption.
You will have to take
it from here, peter.
Yes, I will take good care
of your wife.
Wait, what-what does that mean?
Mr. Simpson,
I am the new executive
Vice president of the wff.
We need outsiders like you
to come to the world cup,
As our guest,
and ref our games properly.
Well, no one has ever
questioned my professionalism.
Except at my
profession.
(groans)
What do you think,
sweetie?
Dad, they're offering us
an all-expenses-paid trip
To the greatest sporting
event on earth!
The 2008 super bowl?
Oh, I wish.
Eli manning's pass
to david tyree.
But about the world cup,
I need your answer now.
Oh, sure, why not?
"congratulations
on your purchase
Of a footmaster-brand
soccer ball."
Thanks, book!
Look, you got us
a free trip.
Just slack off and cash your
check like you always do.
I believe the sweet
little girl in 21-d
Would disagree with you.
What the...?!
I switched with her, dad.
My tv didn't work!
Now I can watch
my premium hbo!
(groans)
(humming)
Well, look at you, using
approved electronic devices.
To try to avoid
any misunderstandings in brazil
Like we had the last time,
I'm learning the language.
Computer:
Ol?.
Ol?!
Eu amo o brasil.
Eu amo o brasil!
O que ? um pa?s encantador.
Pilot:
Will you please turn that off?
It's annoying the hell
out of the flight crew.
I was just trying
to learn the...
Everyone thinks they can learn
our language on the plane.
Do you know
how disrespectful that is?
(groans)
All right, just for
that attitude, turbulence.
(plane rattling)
(fanfare plays)
Announcer 1:
Live from sao paulo, we bring
you the world cup round robin
Group f opening-round match!
Today's game is between
our host country,
Football powerhouse brazil...
Crowd:
? ol?, ol?-ol?-ol?. ?
...And luxemburg, whose entire
nation has turned up.
(wind whistling)
Got to hurry.
I've got 998 square miles
to rob!
Ha-ha!
The mighty brazilian squad
features the greatest master
Of the fake injury
soccer has ever known: El divo!
(screams)
(crowd gasps, cheers)
Now let's play human foosball!
(whistle blows)
Announcer 2:
And with brazil maintaining
an insurmountable one-goal lead,
With 28 minutes to play,
let's take a look at the refs.
It says here, "homer simpson
was recruited for his honesty
And utter disinterest."
Announcer 2: How did he get
those shorts on over that arse?
Announcer 1: Rumor has it,
they employed a team of pullers.
(whistle blows, crowd cheers)
Brazil wins it!
And a fairly-called
match it was.
In choosing
homer simpson,
The world cup
has met its goal...!
Andres cantor,
You know that is
incorrect usage.
I have no control...!
This job has
taken its toll...!
Eu gostaria de um...
Hang on, hang on.
...Placa de...
Hang on, hang on.
Here you go, honey.
How'd you eat the meat
without the vegetables?
Well, the stomach
wants what it wants.
(burps)
Oh, I need some air.
Ah, brazil.
I couldn't stay
afraid of you forever.
The only thing that keeps me
from living here
Is that fish
that swims up your pee stream.
That is a deal breaker.
Homer simpson!
I would like to
congratulate you
On your fine
officiating today.
Thanks.
I still can't believe
the yellow and red cards
Don't stand for
mustard and ketchup.
Your disbelief
will fade with time.
But now, I would
like to know
If you are as incorrupt?vel
as they say.
(heavenly music plays)
Oh, that is where
I left my cell phone.
Well?
You don't know the new me
Of the last few days at all!
We will get to him.
We have our ways.
Well, what other ways
besides guns and money?
We have two ways.
Two very good ways.
? samba! ?
Red card!
Let me give
that back to you.
Get out of here!
(crowd cheering)
? ?
Announcer 1:
And as homer officiates,
Looks like we've got a little
action on the bribe cam.
(crowd cheering)
? ?
Man, krusty should get
some of these letters.
(groans)
While you were out,
The gamblers sent up
gold-frosted donuts,
A chocolate bowling ball
and a fresh pork sandwich.
Oh. How fresh?
(pig squeals)
oh!
Where's your mother?
Went to practice her portuguese.
Mm...
"selecionar conta..."
Ooh, ooh, "select account."
Uh, perhaps you could
select the english option?
I did not pay $7.99
for an app
So I could use
the english option.
You americans, you really throw
your $7.99s around.
You know,
you're pretty rude.
(chuckles)
stupid lady.
Give the donuts
to the hotel staff.
Release the pig and
the bowling ball into the wild.
Dad, is it hard for you
to turn these bribes down?
Yes.
But knowing that lisa
chose me as her hero,
Without ever considering
any other hero,
Keeps me strong.
Why so quiet?
I'm just examining
what kind of person I am
And whether I should destroy
your happiness forever.
Eh, why not?
I'm listening.
And it better be devastating.
You weren't lisa's hero.
She just swapped you in
at the last minute
Because someone else
did her real hero.
Oh, my god.
That's... That's shattering.
And now I'm a man in pain
in the naughtiest city
Since san francisco
turned all nerdy.
(groans)
Where are you going?
To drink until there's
no pain left in my soul.
But first I'm gonna eat off
someone else's room service tray
That was left in the hall.
Now that's a broken man.
Hmm.
What the hell
are you doing?
It's okay.
I'm an american.
Oh. Oh. Okay.
So, the rumors are true.
We knew you'd find out
Your daughter's original
speech topic was marie curie.
And now we need you to fix
the greatest game of all:
The world cup final.
Fine.
Marge is always complaining
I never fix things.
Give me another.
All right.
But we've run
out of sugarcane.
I carry my own.
All right, homer.
To begin your
descent into hell,
Let us enjoy
this pirated copy
Of man of steel.
But beware:
Superman was never less fun.
(laughs evilly)
Announcer 2:
Here it is, the world cup final!
Dry cleaner guys:
Yay!
Announcer 2:
Will it be a german blitzkrieg
Or a brazilian waxing?
Nazis!
Nazi harborers!
Guys, guys,
you're both right.
All right, just so there
are no misunderstandings,
You make sure
brazil wins,
And we give you
one million dollars.
If I bet it, I could double it.
But on who?
You know that brazil
is going to win.
Oh, thanks for telling me!
I was gonna tape it.
Remember,
I'll be watching.
Wave a brazilian flag
so you stand out in the crowd.
Don't do it, dad.
Don't cheat.
You're a funny one
to tell me about deception.
I'm sorry you weren't
my first choice.
In fact...
(sighs)
I had my doubts
about using you at all.
Well, if we're gonna be
brutally honest,
That drawing you made of me
when you were three
Was far from
a perfect likeness.
You put it on the fridge!
It was pity-fridged!
All right,
you're hurt.
I understand.
But when I made you my hero,
you lived up to it and more.
You became the hero
I thought you could be, dad.
Oh.
Oh, come here.
Everything's right
with the world.
Except that you're about
to double-cross some gangsters.
That's all right, brain.
If I die,
I'll be doing
the thing I love the most:
Trying not to get killed.
Announcer 2:
This match is tighter
Than two dogs on a summer morn.
There's no score at all.
Even the slightest pebble
could start a landslide.
Announcer 1:
And el divo goes down!
In the box!
Will homer award
a penalty kick to brazil?
Do it. Do it!
Call the penalty!
No penalty!
He dove, dad!
(grunts)
No penalty!
(crowd booing)
I repeat, no penalty!
No penalty.
Announcer 1:
The game, plus two hours
of funeral time,
Is about to conclude.
And with germany
the victor, two-nil,
In an unprecedented
display of rectitude
And stubbornness by
one homer simpson.
I've never seen
the brazilians so depressed.
(sadly):
? ol?... ?
? ol?, ol?, ol?... ?
You broke a deal with us.
And we have lost a fortune!
(gasps)
Well, at least
I'll die the american way.
In a foreign country
wearing short pants.
Wait, wait, wait, wait!
I want to say something!
You have one minute.
Wait!
Let it get to the 12.
N... Now.
Um...
(speaking portuguese)
How's she doing that?
I don't know,
but she's my new hero.
Yeah, I was a little surprised
I wasn't considered before.
Ah, your fluency is impressive.
You can help my son learn hebrew
for his bar mitzvah.
But I'm still killing
your husband.
First, mazel tov.
Second, don't!
Please, please!
I'm a mother.
Surely you have a mother, too.
I do have a mother.
Oh, she's right there.
I'm sorry,
my son.
We owe a debt
to the simpsons
That can never
be repaid.
All that she did was
switch seats on a plane.
On a 15-hour
flight!
You are
free to go.
(dirge playing)
No penalty.
Fine.
(birds squawking)
Wow, the amazon is
just like I pictured it
After seeing all
those pictures online.
I've never seen anything
so beautiful.
(chainsaw buzzing)
The best thing is
I can get locally-
sourced monkey meat.
(hooting)
(shrieks)
Okay, teeny.
Take care
of part two.
(gun cocks)
(hooting, grunting)
Shh!