The Simpsons (1989–…): Season 25, Episode 14 - The Winter of His Content - full transcript

When Abe and two of his friends move in with the Simpsons after the Springfield Retirement Castle closes, Homer begins to embrace their lifestyle. Meanwhile, Nelson initiates Bart into the bully group after coming to his defense.

MARGE: Whoa!
HOMER: What the...?

(Homer laughs)

Mmm, mail.

Oh, "urgent notice." Hmm.

If it's not final,
who cares?

(toy squeaks, siren whoops)

DOLL:
Donkey!

HOMER (muffled):
There you go.

(both moaning)

(frustrated grunt)

(glass shatters)



(phone rings)
(both giggling)

If it's important,
they'll call back.

(phone continues ringing)

LISA:
Mom! Dad!

The retirement home
lost its license

and Grampa has
nowhere to live!

BOTH:
D'oh!

Oh! That man can't remember
anything except our number!

(sighs) Get in
the car, Dad.

Look who's here,
the big dummy!

You do know
I'm a doctor now.

Yeah! M.D.!
Major Dummy!

Grampa, what happened?

This place
is unlivable.



My contract clearly promised
"barely livable."

Yeah, well, we're closing down
Codger Stadium here

until they fix up
their violations.

And there
are a lot of 'em.

Mannequin nurses.

Like I said,
lot of violations.

Oh! I guess Grampa's
coming home with us.

Unless...

what about that nice
dog boarding place?

The really good one,

where they each have
their own dog partner.

No kennels!
You're right.

Bad idea, bad idea.

Should we just,
you know, drive by

and take a look
at the place...?

(groans)

Bad idea. Bad.

When are your relatives
going to be here?

Can I be honest with you?
They're not.

We're all alone
in this world.

All I have left is a phone
message from my late wife.

Pick up the phone, big shot!
I know you're there!

You're both coming home with us.

You mean it?

Mm-hmm.

Ah, just let me
say good-bye

to my girlfriend.

Don't get fat.

Honey, Grampa
is the closest thing I have

to a father, and I love him,
but three octogenocerouses?

Homie, Homie,
we'll be old someday.

(laughs)
Speak for yourself.

Glug-glug-glug.
Chomp-chomp-chomp.

(gasps) Beep...

(laughs)

My lifestyle
is my retirement plan.

Oh!

And don't
forget my ripple.

You're not taking your ripple.

Without ripple,
I never would have had you.

Ripple's your real daddy.

(chuckles)

This is gonna be a swell
flophouse, sister.

So, where should we
park our pills?

What pills?

Aah!
(laughs)

Don't worry, Marge.
It's childproof.

Oh, oh...

Homer, how are we
doing with those cots?

(grunts)
Uh... come on, boy.

Your job is to guide me.

Well, I really think you
should watch your temper.

I mean down the stairs,
you stupid kid!

Stupid kid?
Do you really think

that's the way
we should communicate?

You just want to see
your old man trip and fall.

Well, sorry to
disappoint you, lad, but...

What the...?
D'oh! D'oh! Ooh!

Not what I was hoping
for, but it'll do.

(cackles)

Okay, boys, shower up.

And I better hear
some towels snapping.

Muntz, what is wrong
with you?

Now, you get undressed
in front of everyone

that's staring at you.

(all gasp)

(gasps) Is that
women's underwear?

My mom can't afford
to buy me clothes,

so I wear her hand-me-downs.

(sobs)

(children laughing)

Muntz, there's a kind of poverty
that toughens you up,

but this... is sad.

(children laughing)

Hey, leave him alone.

I, too, know the pain
of hand-me-down underwear.

My dad buys
the underpants gorillas wear

during monkey shows.

So if you're gonna laugh
at Nelson, laugh at me, too.

Simpson, I won't
forget this.

From now on, you and I
are as tight as whiteys.

d

(all passing gas)

(gasping and groaning)

(electrical buzz)

(groans)

(electrical buzz)

d

(gasps)

(electrical buzz)

(laughs)

(yells)
(screams)

(groaning)

(whimpers)

(screams)

(bell rings)

(laughing)

I've had it up to here with
those freeloading wrinkle bags.

They pee all night,
they cry all day,

and every time they use
the computer, the font is huge.

Aah!

Dad, did it ever occur to
you that we're learning

how to take care of you
when you're older

by watching the way
you treat Grampa?

Have you seen how he
treats my grampa?

Never visits him.

Never even acknowledges
his existence.

Your grampa's alive?

Oh, yeah.

Okay...

Well, can you please
be nicer to our grampa?

For me? I love Grampa.

You may not realize it,
but he's a treasure.

GRAMPA:
Keep it down in there,
you jabbermouths!

I'm trying
to watch C-SPAN2.

Please?

Okay. (laughs)

You know, I love him, too.

In a manly way.

That never shows itself.

Now, we're
going to need

three hearing aid
batteries,

all different
and hard to get.

And this has to be in the
fridge, next to the butter.

And the butter has to be open.

Oh, I'll see what I can do.

I can handle them
from now on, Marge.

Gentlemen,
I've been thinking.

My glorious youth and beauty
won't last forever.

Someday, when the leaves
have turned

and the moon has broken apart
into chunks of floating cheese,

I will be old.

What's your point, pound cake?

I'm hoping we can
find a way to coexist.

What did he say?

He wants to see if ghosts exist.

Ooh, they do.

My Uncle Bill is here right now.

Oh, Bill, Bill, I'm so sorry

I wasn't a very good
ladder holder.

That's all right.
Enough about that.

Did the clock ever get wound?

This can only be good.

This family's had a lot of hoods
put over their heads.

Uh, Chief, something
about that looks fishy.

Aw, Lou, you got a
suspicious mind, you know?

You remind me of
that Elvis song.

Uh, uh, "Clambake."

You know, 'cause
you open your yap

when things get hot.
"Clambake."

JIMBO:
All right, take off his hood.

Where am I?
Our secret place.

The empty swimming pool
from the country club

that closed down rather
than let women in.

(coyote howls)

Now, enter the stolen
bicycle graveyard.

We've decided to make you
an honorary bully.

Bestow upon him

the necklace
of unknown retainers.

Um... thanks,

but I'm not sure
I want to be a bully.

It's too late.

You've seen our faces.

(long grunt)

Wow, never had breakfast
at 6:00 in the morning before.

I love yakking
at the manager

while he's trying
to unlock the door.

Now we'll talk about
dead people you never met

while we get
a little exercise.

(Homer sighs)

When does
the exercise start?

This is it.
Yeah, we're
mall-walking.

Oh, my God.

This counts as exercise?

I'm barely moving
and I'm smelling Cinnebun.

Sometimes you have to
wait till you're 38

to discover
who you really are.

I'm a 79-year-old man.

Son, welcome to the club.

Now, say something
pathetic.

Uh, okay, um...

Oh, I can't.

That's my boy.

I-25.

What letter?
"I."

What number?
25.

What game?

Bingo!

Damn it!

Who's the icebox
pie, Abe?

Your younger
brother?

My son--
but he's taken.

Well, I'm not
surprised--

the way he tears
into corn on the cob.

Now, Mildred,
he's a married man.

You can't see the ring
because his finger's too fat.

Join the party, Abe-- there's
plenty of room in my bed...

once they take
the railings down.

I said beat it!
For the time being.

Now, Homer, you stay away
from those red-door hoochies.

They're just trying to get a
chicken dinner out of you.

Hmm.

Well, thanks for
the chicken dinner.

How did you know
I wanted one?

(chuckles)
All you gals

like chicken dinners, Marge.

Don't call me a gal.

Makes me feel like
I'm your mother.

(shivers)
I better turn up the heat.

It's 82 degrees.

Huh?

Are you wearing sock garters?

Young lady, in my day...

Your day is my day!

We're the same age!

(gasps) You're turning
into your father.

(Grampa-like sputtering)

You won't feel
so bollixed

once my Social Security
checks start coming!

They're not coming
for another 29 years.

(gasps)
Did your ear lobes get longer?

Falsies.

(owl hooting)

(cell phone chimes)

Whoa.
A tweet from Chester!

Who's Chester?

"Who's Chester"?

Just the most legendary
bully of all.

They say he once
wedgied a kid in half.

Whoa.

He's calling a
bully summit

for next
Saturday night.

Hey, isn't that
the same night

the U.S. figure skating
finals are on?

They've been promoting it
like hell!

Excuse us, we're
looking for owls.

Screech or hoot?

Either one's fine.

That was an order!

(hooting)
Screech!
Screech!

Where's the Lord
of the Fries?

Actually, Homer got up early
to count and sort pills.

Then he called the police when
a Frisbee landed on our lawn.

Then he went to the drugstore
for an egg cream,

but he only
brought a nickel.

I didn't mind that he grew bald.

I didn't mind that he got fat.

I didn't mind
that he got fatter.

But no one told me
he'd get older than me.

Oh... (sniffles)

Say it, honey--

you're no longer
attracted to him.

Maybe.

It's on tonight,
and everyone who ever took

anyone's lunch money is there.

d

d

DEEJAY (over speakers):
All you boppers
going to the park tonight,

make sure you're not packin'.

We don't want any...
"accidents."

BART:
Ay, caramba.

How'd you babies
get here?

Did your mommy bring you?

Yes.

WOMAN:
Nelson!

I might have to move
the trailer house

while you're gone.
Look for me downhill.

I ain't got much gas.

Smell you later.

Hey, my old weasels!

How's Shelbyville Elementary?

Not bad, not bad.

We've ruined picture day
three years in a row.

(both grunt)

CROWD (chanting):
Chester! Chester!

They say the day
of the bully is over.

Popular music condemns us.

Documentary filmmakers
expose our craft.

And cyber-bullying
has taken away

the warmth
of human punching.

But I say to you, the day
of the bully has just begun!

Can you dig it?!

Hey, why are you
doing this?

Because I don't want
to sit around

like Prince Charles waiting
for the queen to die!

Can...

you... dig... it?!

(crowd cheering, shouting)

Ooh, I can
totally dig it.

(grunts)

Chester's been shot!

(high-pitched scream)

(panicked yelling)

This kid did it!

His sling is still warm!

Get that boy!

And his friend, the kid
with the lady's underpants!

How does everyone know?

DEEJAY (over speakers):
To all you boppers out there,
be on the lookout

for a sling-daddy who
took down our main man Chester.

This is KBLY,
your source for bully news,

weather and sports.

100% supported
by money taken from nerds.

I can't believe
you did that, Bart.

I don't even
want to sit

on the same side
of this car with you.

I'm just doing it
for balance.

I didn't shoot him!

Oh, yeah? Well, why'd
you bring your slingshot?

I don't know. I feel
naked without it.

DOLPH:
Yeah, I get that.

That's how I feel
about my eyebrow ring.

The only way out
is on the subway,

past everyone
else's territory.

We'll just have to wait
it out here until we...

(all yelling)

We're gonna have to jump for it!

(grunts)
No! I lost my flip-flop!

Just keep moving!

(flip-flop
flapping)

Oh. Well, well, well.

Looks like youse and me may be
up here for a while, huh?

(fake yawn)

(sighs):
There.

Yippee!

Aw, damn it! I just had
to get her parkour lessons

for her birthday.

You'll have to get past
the S.A.T. Preppers!

790 assault, 780 battery.

I didn't say to begin.

(roaring gibberish)

DEEJAY:
Word on the street
is that the S.A.T. Preppers

failed the test.

The Springfield bullies
are still at large.

That's right, yeah, so,
uh, give yourselves up.

Um, if I put on the radio,
can I hear myself?

(click, electronic feedback)

(echoing over speakers):
Wow.

That's crazy.

Whoo, whoo.

Hello, Lou.

d

I only have a-pennies.

Uno... due...

(groans)

(all gasp)

For Springfield!

(honking repeatedly)

Save yourselves...!

Today we are all
Nelson Muntz.

ALL (sadly):
Haw, haw.

Springfield. We're safe.

I'm gonna kiss
the ground.

Loser!

You're gay for the ground.

Well, you're gay
for homophobia.

Wow. You just made me
gay for tolerance.

(bottles clinking)

(singsongy):
Bul-lies...

come out to play-ay...

Bul-lies...

come out to play-ay...

Oh, no!
He's got three bottles!

(singsongy):
Clinky, clinky...

I know a place that serves an
early early bird breakfast.

Steak and eggs for 50 cents,

and it was 40 years ago.

Oh, boy.
Yeah.
Ah...

Oh, my God!
I know that kid!

We got to help him.

Oh, I'd love to,
but, uh, I'm sure

that it's some sort
of a holiday for me.

Fine! Your generation did its
part when it won World War II

and created The Rockford Files.
I got this one.

(groaning)

It's so hard running in sand.

No! No!

I can't be old yet.
I won't let the ravages of time

catch up with me till I'm 52!

(grunts)
Ow! Ow!

No! (panting)

Um, I've never
really been in a fight.

(sobbing)

Now, let's
go home, son.

d

How did I get here?

(passionate kissing, moaning)

Ooh, what's your hurry?

We got ten minutes between
the kids falling asleep

and the old guys waking up.

(gasps)
Go, go, go!

GRAMPA:
I hear smooching!

d Somewhere out
on that horizon d

d Out beyond the neon lights

d I know there must be
something better d

d But there's nowhere else
in sight d

d In the city d